- Whatever.
- Good morning Margaret.
- Oh, don't talk to me Brian I might forget it.
- Forget what?
- Allen told me a joke last night.
(laughing)
We were in pieces.
- Go on then.
- Right okay.
So, it was this man (laughing).
Oh, I'm laughing just thinking about it.
Anyway, okay so there were this man
or might have been a woman
or was it a bear.
Anyway, they went to sleep and ...
- Actually, I've got a joke for you Margaret.
Over there.
The Blood Bank.
- I don't get it.
- Look at them setting up a tent
like there is some kind of festival.
- Oh do you think we ought to donate?
- Absolutely not.
I forbid it.
- Why?
- Clones.
- Like at the circus.
- No, not clowns.
Something ever more terrifying, human clones.
Just one drop of blood and they've got everything they need.
- Oh Brian, I gave blood once.
You don't think there's another me walking about, do ya?
- It wouldn't surprise me.
- Oh, maybe she's remembered the joke.
- Morning Gavin.
- I can't talk Ian.
Cheryl seems to think she can just extend land (mumbles)
without suffering any consequences. - It is our land.
The boundary is quite clearly marked.
Look, look.
Although that can be jam.
Yes, it is jam.
- You wanna pave paradise and put in a parking lot.
- Well, it's hardly paradise Gavin.
It's Warrington.
- This market lives and dies by it's parking.
I want a detailed copy of all your boundaries.
Oh Sheryl.
- Oh Gavin.
- Oh, it's so naughty.
- I know.
Pretty soon I'll have no option but to pull you off
in front of the supermarket standards committee.
- Yes, I see.
- They're all gonna be there Gavin, Ms.Milner, Clive Jaxbe, Graham Gulliver.
- And what will you actually do when I'm up in front of them?
Will I be a good boy?
Or will I be a naughty boy?
- You'll say you don't care what they think.
- Yes.
- You'll tell them they can shove their policies right (mumbles).
- I'm sorry.
No, no, no, Shel.
There's no way I talk a gringo of lie like that.
You've gone to far.
- I heard there was a tasting station.
- I know.
This is so exciting.
- What is it?
Biscuits, sausage roll.
Not many poor prize.
We've known about them since the 5th of June, 2013.
What a day.
- Red wine.
It's great, isn't it?
- Red wine.
But I brought my fork.
- I've always wanted to be a barmaid.
Get out of my pub.
Did I do that right? I've only ever seen one episode.
There's a man in the village, he said I could come around and watch it
whenever I want as long as I wear shorts.
- There no right calling it the tasting station.
You don't taste wine, you drink it.
- Did you wanna try some wine?
- It's not really my thing.
My husband likes it though.
(laughing)
- Good one, my husband.
- I'm serious, I gotta husband.
- Yeah right.
And here's my wife.
(laughing)
- No, seriously I'm gay.
I'm a married gay man.
(laughing)
- Gonna see someone special there guys.
Alright, where are the filthy magazines?
What?
Oh come on.
Human, you looking at?
- Haven't you got somewhere to be Neville?
- Yes, copy that.
You're quite right, Sue.
A butcher's work is never done.
Alright, I shall see you at lunch time.
I may go and give blood before that.
- You sure that's a good idea Nev. You have loads of it to share.
- Gina, they know me by name at that hospital.
- Maybe, you overstayed your welcome there too.
- Yes, very good.
- Why do you have to be such a cow all the time?
- I'm not being a cow.
Oh look, you dropped something. Your best mate for Neville.
- (mumbles).
- Attention shoppers we have a new three for two offer.
It's when you think you have a two,
you're quite happy with a two,
then suddenly there's three
and one of them's an idiot.
- Special offer on gooseberries. Special offer on gooseberries.
- Hey Charlie.
- Oh hi Daniel.
Yeah hi.
I want ...
- I just wanted.
You first.
- Oh no, I actually didn't have anything to say.
I just didn't want there to be any awkward silences.
Oop, there it is.
Actually, I did have something I wanted to ask you.
Oh yeah, I remember.
I would like to book a holiday. You know, just to get away from it all.
- I hope you don't need me. - Oh God no, no.
I just wanted a short break for 11 months or so.
- 11 months.
- Cause I was talking to Georgia's boyfriend Jeff
at the party last night and he actually bought a mountain
and he needs help setting up a ski resort in the mountain.
I don't actually ski but ... - Charlie, I can't give you 11 months.
- 10.
- No, you get 20 days like everyone else.
- 20 days.
- Yep.
- Are you sure you don't mean 20 weeks. - Yeah, I'm sure.
- Or 20 months.
- No, there aren't 20 months in a year.
- I've got it.
- It wasn't a bear, it was a vicar
and he was asleep when someone stepped on his fur.
Wait, it must have been a bear.
- Have you two got a minute. - Yes.
How can we help?
- Just wondered if you would be interested in giving blood.
- Absolutely not.
- Why?
- Clones.
- Exactly right.
- You can keep your tent and your stickers and your needles.
- Brian are you scared of needles?
- No, I'm not scared of anything.
- Just admit it if you are.
It doesn't matter.
- Alright then, would someone
who's scared of needles do this?
Oh, I'll give you blood you just name the time
and the place, mate.
- The blood bank today obviously.
- Yeah.
Good.
- Do you want to hear a joke, Daniel?
- Okay.
- I just want my whole world to know.
- Me too but we've got to be discreet.
- I want to shout it from the rooftops.
- No, health and safety would never allow that.
That was so ...
- One, two, three, dance floor
and come with me.
- I'm just a manager,
stood in front of a rival manager asking her to love me.
- Of the usual, is it darling?
- (mumbles).
- I want a divorce.
Free wine sample madam.
- No thanks.
- What's it like.
- I don't know.
I haven't tried it.
- You can't sell something you haven't tried.
- But I'm not allowed alcohol.
Mom says, "Alcohol is the reason
girls today can't keep their nickers on."
But she also says that about Battingburg.
- You need to make sure you selling a coy product.
- You're right.
I thought it would taste like Vimto.
- Have another one it will take the taste away.
- Reading magazines, are you?
How do you do it Lisa?
- I just start on the left and then take it word by word.
- No no, I mean this here.
Doing the same thing day in, day out.
It's so boring.
- There's only two hours that matter on this job, right.
The first hour of the day and the last,
they're the longest.
The one's in the middle you can toss all around.
- How?
- I don't know, you have to just like think of nothing
and then it's like you flow out of your body.
I'll show you.
- Lisa.
Lisa.
- Thank you for shopping at Valco.
- Lis.
Lis.
Lisa.
Lis, Lis, Lis, Lis, Lis.
Oh, not again.
Lisa.
- Wow, where's Charlie?
- Right.
Do you know that hotel you've always wanted to stay in?
- One of the M6.
- Get it booked babe.
We've just won the lottery.
- There's a lost child at the customer services desk.
That's a child at customer services.
- Good morning ladies.
What a wonderful day to be alive.
- Not now Gavin.
- Yeah, leave here.
- Well, I gotta check the stock in the meat counter
cause I gotta couple of grumpy chops right here.
Yeah, point taken.
- Hurry up.
They'll be married by the time we get this finished.
- Some of us actually take it into pride in our blackmailing.
- But Colin, just give me that.
- Oh.
Look at that.
This woman has slept with over 500 fellas.
- That's my cousin Kelly.
Oh, she's the first one in the family to make it in a magazine.
I always told her right,
keep plugging away and you'll make it.
I'm so proud of her.
- You should be proud.
You would've made that number if it wasn't for me.
Wouldn't ya?
- Yeah.
- Well maybe I am (mumbles). You'll just have to find out for yourself.
Oh Cheryl.
You really are the pound in my trolley.
Yes, it's our first fight.
I better get back to work too.
All play and no work make's Gavin a dull boy.
Yes, I knew.
Alice in Chains.
I know about you and Cher.
That was one album.
I know about you and Cheryl.
Oh right.
- Three.
Two.
One.
(screaming)
- Hello, Charlie love.
- Hi.
Wait, a seagull stole my name badge.
How do you know who I am?
I know all the regular staff here.
- I don't know Rosie but someone knows.
- Try not to panic, Gavin.
- Oh (mumbles).
- Hello.
Daniel just walked into the room.
- Sorry Gavin, I just grabbed the ...
- Hello.
- Yeah.
Hello.
- [Cheryl] Are you alright Gavin? - You alright there Gavin.
Said ...
- Fine, you don't need to keep asking.
- [Cheryl] What's wrong with him. - What's wrong with you.
- I just don't wanna mix work with my personal life, that's all.
- [Cheryl] You look so sexy when you're flustered.
- What was that?
- I said you'd look sexy in custard.
Definitely you're colour yellow.
I'll make a note of it when we get the new uniforms.
- Okay, thank you.
- No problem.
- Oh Daniel was in the room.
- Yeah exactly.
- Well you should have said.
- Brian, you look ever so pale.
Are you sure you're not worried about that silly needle?
- Do I look worried?
- You do look very worried, yes.
Look there's nothing to be afraid of.
Just don't think about him sliding that needle in
and sucking all your blood out.
- Please stop.
- Well, I doubt that they'll be anything that'll go wrong.
And anyway what is the worst thing that can happen.
- Brian, Brian.
- I think they're calling ya. - No, they're not.
- Brian.
- They are.
They're calling your name. - No, no, they're saying Byron.
- Hello, he's here.
- Margaret for ...
- You Brian?
- Yes sorry.
I thought you were saying Byron.
Okay, let's do this.
- A customer knew my name.
- Okay.
- That's my life now.
Meeting the same people everyday.
Working here until I was old as Lisa.
- Lisa's four months younger than you.
- I think I need to leave.
I mean, don't get me wrong everyone here is great.
I came here to learn and now I've totally nailed this job
and there's nothing left for me to learn. - Not strictly um ...
Okay, I mean I don't wanna see you go
but if you wanna leave why don't you just leave?
- Just leave.
Daddy never let me quit anything. One time he made me spend an entire summer
finishing a Rubik's cube but I could get fired.
Daddy wouldn't think it was my fault if I got the sack.
Do you have any matches?
I'm going to set fire to Gavin's car. - No, don't do that.
I can fire you.
- Oh no, Daniel.
No, I couldn't let you do that.
No, Daddy would never forgive you. - I'll risk it.
He seems to like me.
Let me do it for you.
- Really.
- Verbal abuse is a sackabal offence.
You could verbally abuse me.
- Good idea Daniel.
You massive idiot.
- This is your final warning.
- Well maybe this is your final warning Daniel,
you massive ass idiot but an adorable one
who can't cook but is a good kisser
and has made working here very fun.
But is still a massive fly ridden pile of ass waste.
- Alright you're fired.
- Thank you Lord sugar.
You're actually quite like him.
I must tell him that the next time I see him.
- Oh right, Colin, Colin.
- Give us a chance.
- Hello.
- I know your secret.
- Sorry.
Who is this?
- I'm someone who knows your secret.
- Lisa, is that you?
- No.
- Voulez vous your dirty secret.
- Don't talk the french. - Your dirty, dirty secret.
- How did you know it was us?
- It came up as Lisa's phone.
- Oh yeah, wouldn't it.
- Well Gavin, we still know your dirty little secret.
- Colin I will not be blackmailed.
- Oh no, everyone ...
- Hey Colin.
- Give us your watch.
- What?
No.
- Right, you have to give us summer.
- Oh, what about booze.
You love booze.
A case of cider.
- And fags.
- Absolutely not.
You have a box of broken biscuits.
That really is the best that I could offer.
- Okay, but this ain't over Gavin.
- Hey, do you wanna wine on me.
Have a wine on me. Just have on me.
Don't walk away from me.
- I can't stand the stress of this.
My stomach's just turning into knots.
- I'll see you at dinner at mine tonight then.
- That's the best offer in this entire supermarket.
Sorry Cheryl, you have to keep this out of the office.
I feel like I'm breaking some sort of a law.
- You are Gavin.
The laws of attraction because I have never felt
like this about anyone before in my life.
- Insult the bloody laws.
- I always knew that I was special Margaret.
- What did they say your type was?
- You mean apart from incredibly rare and sought after.
B negative.
- Oh, that suits ya.
- See, they're shutting up now.
They've peaked.
- So, have that parking court filed immediately Cheryl.
- Oh Gavin, come here.
- Oh great.
Right now everyone knows.
Why because you two had to go do it in public
like a couple of perverts.
Right, I'm having these.
- I said broken biscuits there Colin.
- No, (mumbles).
Happy now Gavin.
(laughing)
- Oh that was.
- It was.
- I can't believe Gavin's sleeping with the enemy.
- I know.
- I am sorry Linda.
- Oh Mae, I'm sorry too.
(mumbles).
- (mumbles)
Gavin's face.
- I know, he totally offered me two weeks.
(mumbles)
- Hello, my love.
Have I got the romantic evening lined up for us.
- Sorry Nev, me and Sue are going out tonight.
- Right you are.
- Ian, don't suppose you fancy a couple's massage this evening.
- I don't mind if I do.
I must warn you massages make me very cuddly.
- You know Daniel Wilson, I think you might have been
the most normal boyfriend I've ever had.
- And you Charlie are definitely
not the most normal girlfriend I've ever had.
- What a normal, I'm just Charlie from the block.
- There's a helicopter outside.
- Oh yes, that's mine.
Thank you.
Goodbye Daniel.
- Goodbye Charlie.
I hope all your dreams come true. - No.
- I hear we're losing you Charlie.
- Daniel sacked me.
- Alright will you stop telling everyone that.
- Well, we're all gonna miss you here. Not in any practical sense obviously
but emotionally you'll be missed.
- Come here little guy.
I love you so much.
Okay.
Bye Daniel.
- Goodbye Charlie.
- Two boys.
- She had real spirit Charlie
- Yeah.
You know I think we actually taught her something.
- Yeah.
No, no we didn't.
Should we just ...
- Oh Dr.Bryan I've remembered the punch line.
- Go on.
- At the end she gives the vicar a blowdry.
(laughing).
Oh was it a blow dry.
- Yes, yes it was.
(laughing)
- Is she alright?
- This one is non alcoholic, you know.
(relaxing music)
- Come on Nev.
- They've gone all powdery.
- Still edible, look.
- I can't eat them like that.
(relaxing music)