- Valco.
- Serves you right! - I've prepared something.
(laughing)
- You should just stop that. - Don't forget our brilliant--
(laughing)
- From booze to biscuits!
- Red hot deals.
- Loads of two for ones. - The finest butchers, the freshest meat.
- Service with a smile.
(giggling)
- Friendly staff always happy to help!
- Am I getting paid for this? - Don't forget the Valco tick!
- Everyone always gets it wrong. It's definitely that way.
- Tick!
- Valco!
Serves you right!
- now with added Pleasure Foods.
(upbeat music)
(papers crumbling)
(knocking)
- Don't worry.
I come in peace.
- I'm actually quite busy, Duncan.
So if you could--
- I've come to apologise, Gavin.
Last week destroying the sit up competition,
calling you the C word in front of everyone.
- You called me the C word? - Humiliating, yeah.
It wasn't very professional.
I mean, you want to do Healthy Eating.
Pleasure's in the way, I just have to accept that.
So I just got something to say sorry.
- Oh thank you!
Yes.
Huh, Hard House, All Nighters.
- You've not got it already? - No.
That's very kind of you Duncan.
It takes a big man to apologise.
- I just thought we could still be friends.
- Let's just call it a fresh start.
Shall we?
(laughing)
- What's under the sheet?
- I'd rather not say if you don't mind.
- I see.
Personal.
I thought we were fine.
But whatever. - No!
Listen, you're absolutely right!
There you are extended the olive branch
and I'm just throwing it back in your face
like some terrible ogre.
Here, look!
- Whoa!
Who painted this shit?
- I did.
- It's beautiful!
Really good art.
- Yes, it's mine and Cheryl's 11 month anniversary.
So I'm going all out.
I was thinking I might give it to her
over a surprise special lunch today.
- Oh!
The hands meant to be so big?
- Yeah.
I do struggle with hands.
(laughing)
- So Linda and Sue are off today which means you
have got to cover for them.
- Are we making announcements? - Mm-hmm.
- I know I seem really outgoing and confident.
But I'm not great at public speaking.
I ruined my brother's wedding.
(squeaking)
- Okay.
So this is the announcement form.
Members of staff will tell you if they want an announcement to be made.
So let's try one.
Here, just say what's there.
- Hi, everyone.
So I've got a sheet paper.
It's a print out of an email of Valco product information.
- What are you doing?
Just say the words that are on the sheet.
- Yeah. I think that's a much better idea.
- Hello!
I'm Dr. Brian!
Here's ten drugs!
Thank you!
One jug of medicine coming right up!
- Margaret.
I thought we agreed you were never to try the coat on.
- Oh!
Brian you nearly gave me heart a heart attack.
Oh you look furious.
Is everything okay?
- Two words, Margaret.
Warrington, FM.
- Oh! Are we playing charades?
Is it a film?
- We're not playing charades!
- Oh you always give up easily.
- I'm angry because of the madness I just heard on the radio
while driving in.
They had this idiot DJ talking
up the benefits of antibiotics!
- Well you should give them a call and complain.
Alan's always doing it.
- Do you know what?
I think I should!
(beeping)
Warrington FM.
What should I say?
- How about?
You look lovely.
- Don't be ridiculous.
Hello! You look lovely.
Sorry, I mean, I want to complain.
That idiot DJ that you've just had on needs
to know a thing or two about medicine.
Because I'm a pharmacist!
Really?
Me.
Roger.
Over and out!
You'll never guess what!
- Is it book?
- That was the radio show's producer!
They want me on the show this afternoon to put across my side!
- Well that's a long title for a book.
(squeaking)
- Right.
I better be off.
- I think someone got enough last night!
Four times! - Sh!
Oh, hey, Katie.
- Hi!
Hello. Hi, Holly!
I didn't know you was in today.
- Yeah, head office wanted a follow up report
and how the homeless food drive is going. So I'm going to be shadowing you!
- Oh great!
- And it means I get to spend a day with this hunk!
- We were gonna go to the pub after work.
You should join us. - I don't know.
I don't want to be a third wheel.
- That's a good point.
But FYI it's for wheel.
- I'm pretty sure the expression is third wheel.
- That doesn't makes sense though.
Does it 'cause a third wheel would just get in the way.
- Yeah.
- But yeah!
You should definitely come to pub with us, Kaits!
- Oh, okay.
If you're sure.
- Awesome.
I'll see you later.
See you later.
- Oh. He's so sweet.
- What do you put your stake in?
You just sit back at and watch it make money.
- Really?
And it's all legitimate?
Only I've been burned before with investments.
Something about my face seems to say pyramid scheme.
- Pyramid scheme?
Are you shitting me? No!
This is all built around the power of triangles!
- Just, you know, 15 grand.
That's a lot of money.
- Sorry.
I thought you were a man.
I didn't realise you had a couple of little cherries
down there instead of balls. My mistake.
Cher-Z!
DT coming to S, E, E, you!
- No, I'll do it!
I'm committed.
Damn!
- Hello, Duncan.
I thought I could smell a rather alarming amount of aftershave.
- Thanks, it's Prowler.
Whilst I've got you!
There's a couple of new products I think would be perfect
for Healthy Eating. - I'm gonna have to stop you there.
Healthy Eating is Gavin's domain.
- Yeah but he's fine with it.
He said just talk to you then go ahead.
"Whatevs" his words.
- Gavin said "whatevs".
Interesting.
And what else did he say as a matter of interest?
- Just that Pleasure Foods are great.
That he wants to see them rolled out everywhere.
- Doesn't sound like Gavin.
How did he say it exactly?
Perhaps you could do it in his voice.
- Pleasure Foods are great, Duncan!
- Can I get the toilet please?
Hello?
- If he keeps turning our products down
Pleasure will start thinking about leaving the region all together.
- Alright, Duncan, I'm listening.
What's your big idea?
- Well, I could tell you here
or I could tell you over an all expense paid business lunch.
- I do love a free lunch.
But it would mean spending time with you.
- Exactly!
Win, win!
We can go anywhere you'd like! Ultra Value, that's two pounds a head.
Unless you got other plans.
- No, go on then.
- It's been okay getting all outdate food into the church.
It's not been too confusing. - Yeah. I've just managed.
Thank you!
- Oh, great! You're a star.
This is just like super--
what's that long word for awks--
- Awkward. - Yes!
This is just like super awkward.
And I really don't want you to think I'm being a bitch.
But do you mind not coming to the pub later?
- Yeah.
Sure, it's fine.
- I feel really bad asking, obvs.
- Obviously.
- I just wanted it to be like a date. Just me and Dan!
- This isn't about what happened the other week.
Was it because that was a complete misunderstanding.
I mean, I don't fancy Daniel.
- No, of course not!
I'm really sorry if I ever made you feel like a for wheel.
- It's definitely third wheel.
- No I don't think it is. - Well it is.
- But thank you for being so understanding.
You're not going to tell Daniel are you?
That I asked you this because I don't want him to think I'm psycho!
- It's fine.
I'll think of an excuse. - Great!
Thank you so much!
You are the best.
Thank you so much, K babes. - It's fine honestly.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
I know. - Thank you so much!
- That's fine honestly.
- Any chance of a three for two?
- That doesn't make any sense, Duncan. - I'll make it make sense.
Call me.
- What a prick.
- That's buy one get one free on all Valco cereal bars.
I think that's all the offers. All best, Greg.
Greg Walters.
Telephone. 01-61
4, 9, 6, 0, 5, 3, 1
Email.
G.Walters@Valco.co.uk
Please think about the environment before printing this email.
- What do you think you're doing giving out Greg Walters's details.
He's an incredibly private man!
- Well Katie said to read out the sheet.
- Yes, but.
You really are very literal sometimes.
Aren't you?
- Thanks.
- Listen, from now on.
Just read out the highlighted text.
Now anything that isn't yellow don't read.
- Got it.
Follow up question.
What if it's the word yellow
but it isn't highlighted in yellow.
Like yellow lentils.
(beeping)
- No.
I really hope that Linda and Sue are coming back soon.
Any news? - Yes.
Two people have been rescued in a house fire
in Oxfordshire.
And the ftse's up by 23--
- No, no.
No, any news of Linda and Sue.
- Very unlikely. No.
No. Nothing on the BBC side.
I just set up a google alert.
So then if anything comes through then I'll just--
- It's exciting!
Me on the radio giving medical advice!
- I don't think I'd enjoy being on the radio.
I been on radio Alan but it's not the same.
- Radio Alan?
- Oh it's a game Alan and I play at home.
And I ask for a record and then he plays it for me.
Then he usually tells me the weather or the traffic!
- The nights must fly by at yours.
Right, well.
Better go, this time tomorrow you'll be working
with a radio star!
- Oh I hope it's Tony Blankburn.
- I don't know if you'll make me laugh.
Hello, pick pockets!
Funny.
(laughing)
- Hello, you beautiful stranger.
My girlfriend's in today.
Hope she doesn't see me ogling you.
There's jack and potatoes in the canteen.
Sounds to me like the recipe for the perfect lunch.
They've even got the best flavour. Plain!
- I'm really sorry about the lunch meeting.
- I'm sure they'll have plain on another time.
Who's your lunch with?
- What's got two thumbs and four internet girlfriends.
- You're having lunch with Duncan?
- I better go and freshen up.
- Duncan, I told you earlier on today
I was planning a surprise special lunch for Cheryl.
What the actual
fudge?
- Freshen up, eh?
Lucky me?
How serious are things with you and Cheryl?
Do you reckon I'm in with a chance?
- Skullduggery.
What happen to the olive branch?
- There are no olives in the jungle, Gavin.
Just mighty oaks.
- I don't think there are any oak trees in the jungle either.
- Just one.
This one.
And I currently have got your ginger acorns
in my big oak hands.
Don't worry about Cheryl.
I'll make sure she has a romantic lunch.
- What a sandwich with a Pleasure Food rep?
It's hardly meals and booze.
- Sandwich?
Oh no.
We're going outside!
To Casa Amore.
Harrington's second most romantic restaurant.
Look at the ambience.
And those chairs, could they be any closer together?
- Actually go back a bit.
Look, you scrolled past the best. Look at they got an air blade.
- Maybe they got a machine for condo--
There you are Cheryl!
Looking beautiful.
- Let's just get this over and done with.
Shall we? - Oh!
She's keen!
I hope she's hungry.
I might go oysters for a starter.
- C'mon. - Stop it.
- C'mon, open up.
- Hey, guys.
I'm really sorry I'm going to have to bail
on the pub tonight.
- No worries.
- But you'd said you was free earlier. Now you've made other plans?
- Something came up.
Why are you being so rude about it? - Weird!
I just don't like it when people say one thing
and do another.
It's a bit flaky but whatevs.
- Okay.
Well have a good night anyway.
- That's weird.
- Katie hates me. - She doesn't hate you.
- She's been awf all morning.
I'm trying to be nice to her because I know how close
you both are but she hates me.
- I'll tell you what. I'll have a word. - Thanks, Dan.
- What was that?
You hungry?
Come on.
Choo, choo!
Come on!
(symphonic music)
- I never knew Brian was so good on the violin!
- I think you might be on Classic Cafe.
- [Radio Announcer] Special guest to talk about
our morning phone in on antibiotics.
We've got local pharmacist Brian Ful- - [Everyone] Yay!
- [Brian] I hope you'll be gentle with me.
- Oh, I can't believe Brian's on the radio.
Hello, Brian!
- Margaret, he can't actually hear you.
- Well of course not. Silly me. Sorry, Brian!
- [Brian] Can I just say hello, Margaret!
(giggling)
- [Radio Announcer] You're on. - [Female] My son's got an ear infection.
Should I see if it goes naturally? Or get him antibiotics?
- Should you be listening to the radio?
You're meant to be working. - Brian's on the radio!
- What?
Why isn't he here? - Sh!
- [Brian] If you want him and everyone on Earth to die.
- Two and a half hours.
How many lunches are they having?
Four?
- [Cheryl] Even for you, that is a very sexist joke!
- Yeah, great isn't it?
Here's trouble!
- Hi guys!
Good lunch?
Ran on a little, didn't it? - Oh Crikey!
Is that the time?
I must just check in with head office!
Thank you.
- What a woman?
Eh?
And that restaurant, very intimate!
I haven't got lipstick on my collar.
Have I? - Duncan.
If this is about me saying no to Pleasure Products.
Then you should take it up with me and not Cheryl.
- Well I tried the monkey.
Now I've gone to the organ grinder.
And I would not mind grinding organs
with he lovely Cheryl.
- You!
Smote merchant!
Cheryl is fully behind this Healthy Eating and she knows this is my store.
- That's odd.
She just agreed I could stock Pleasure Products
in the entrance where your small, worthless,
stupid Healthy Eating display is.
- Lies!
- Oh, very accommodating, our Cheryl.
She bent over backwards for me.
- [Brian] That idiot you had on earlier frankly needs good kicking.
- Well nurses can get very angry.
- To be fair, he did say they should all be shot
into space.
[Beeping]
- Sake!
- Here you are!
Star of the silver screen!
- I'm livid, Margaret.
I try and save people's lives.
And all I get is abuse.
They stitch me up!
(beeping)
- Shouldn't you answer that?
- No chance.
Someone gave out my number.
Now I've got 15 voicemails from a very angry nurse
threatening to cut off my c--
to cut off a body part I do not want to lose.
- They're still talking about you.
- [Radio Announcer] I've never called him before.
But I have to say what an absolute moron
that pharmacist was.
- Idiots!
[Beeping]
oh!
- [Radio Announcer] How stupid--
- Holly!
- Hi, Katie, babes!
- What was that all about? - What?
- You know what.
The canteen!
Acting all upset I couldn't come to the pub.
Telling Daniel that you don't think I like you.
- I don't know what you're talking about. - Whatever you're up to it's weird.
But Daniel is a friend and I don't want to see him get hurt.
Okay?
- Hey, everything alright?
- No!
No, Katie's being really mean to me.
I've tried being nice to her. But she's just called me a bitch!
- What? - Katie!
- She's talking out of her ass!
- It's alright.
- She said that my food drive I do was rubbish.
And that homeless people are all tramps.
And that they stink!
- Oh, Katie, they're just hard up.
This is the sort of negative attitude I used to face
when I was homeless.
- You're not actually falling for this are you?
- It's alright.
Come on.
- Neville!
- Sh, it's okay.
I'm here now.
- Fuck off, Duncan!
- Well that's the thing about purple sprouting, isn't it?
(laughing)
Thank you, Matthew, thank you. Bye bye.
Hi. - Hi!
So, Duncan tells me that Pleasure Products
are now going to be front of store.
- I'm so sorry but I did have to make a small concession.
We need to keep Pleasure on site.
They are a massive supplier!
- Well, I wish you would have consulted me first.
Huh?
- Do you mind if we talk about this later? I've got a white wine hang over coming on.
- You've got a hang over?
You were drinking?
Cheryl, you're in drunk in charge of an area!
- I only had a few glasses of white wine.
Duncan insisted!
- What else did he insist on, eh?
- Gavin.
Are you jealous?
- Does it look like I'm jealous? - Yes, you do do a bit.
Your face is all pink.
Look, this lunch was purely to keep Pleasure on site.
- And you're only too quick to jump into big business.
Big Duncan's big business bed.
- Gavin, you're being ridiculous.
- Well am I?
I'll take my ridiculousness elsewhere! And I'm taking that with me!
- Oh!
What's that?
- That was your 11 month anniversary present.
- Why are my hands so massive?
- I'm not really good at hands.
Just not really good at anything.
Unlike Duncan.
- So stock up on mint shower gel today
while it's half prick.
- Did you just say half prick?
- Yeah.
I think it's meant to be price.
But Gavin said to only read the bits highlighted in yellow
and the E is not highlighted so.
- Really?
[Beeping]
- Listen, I don't care if you have got a scalpel.
You're not getting anywhere near my scrotum.
Oh.
So, sorry.
I thought you were someone else. - Who is it?
- The station manager. - The train station?
- The radio!
Sorry, what?
Yes, well.
It did get a bit feisty.
But
really?
Yeah, I'd love to!
Bye!
You're not going to believe what's happened!
- It's not that guy from platform two, is it?
- Again the radio, not the train station.
The station manager said the switchboards have never been so busy.
They want me back as regular every afternoon.
I knew I was going to be a hit on the radio!
- Everybody hates you! That lady from windows said if she saw you
she was going to set you on fire!
- Exactly!
You see, you've got to get the listeners worked up.
I'm going to be like one of those American show jocks.
- So you were being stupid on purpose?
- Of course!
- And when you sounded like you didn't know
what you were talking about. Was that all pretend too?
- Yep!
(laughing)
Hey and when you cried!
- Enough, Margaret.
- Pleasure products can now be in the front of store.
For more information about the Pleasure rage,
feel free to chat the Pleasure rep
and former interschool
400 metre champion, Duncan Trench.
Either in store or in his matador red hot hatch
in the Valco car park.
Duncan also has a ten inch penis!
- Duncan Trench!
- Mind if I join you?
- It's a free canteen.
- [Together] Well, it's subsidised.
- How ridiculous. - I wasn't laughing at you.
It's just the idea of you being jealous of Duncan!
You've got nothing to be jealous about the man's a moron!
- He just knows how to wind me up!
- Well he's a wally.
And you need to keep your emotions in check at work.
- You're right.
Of course.
Curse this fiery Latin temperament of mine!
I just wantED to give you your present at lunch time.
- Oh, I love it!
- I must have another crack at the hands.
- Please do. They're frightening.
And I've got a little 11 month present for you.
(laughing)
- That's very unprofessional.
- I'm drunk.
I'll take advantage if I were you.
(grunting)
- No, really I cant.
It's really too much.
(giggling)
- Hello, Katie!
- Don't even think I'm going to fall for your nice act.
I'm not doing it anymore. - Oh I don't need you to fall for it
because you're out of the picture now. - What the hell is wrong with you?
- I just needed to make sure that you got the message
loud and clean. - It's clear.
- Stay away from Daniel!
- I'm not interested in Daniel!
- Yes, you are!
I can see it.
You love him but forget it. Daniel is mine!
He loves me, we're going to grow old together,
we're going to die together.
So just stop! - You're insane.
- You're insane like a fox. Like Daniel's fox.
- Just calm down.
You're not carrying anything sharp, are you?
- Oh sorry, I can't stay and chat.
I need to go and find Daniel and tell him that.
Katie hit me! - I never hit you!
- Didn't you? - No!
- Well, you did now!
(laughing)
- Okay.
- Now that you're a radio star can I have your autograph?
(upbeat music)
- Good night, gov!
(laughing)
(upbeat music)