1 00:00:01,323 --> 00:00:02,107 - Valco. 2 00:00:02,207 --> 00:00:03,224 - Serves you right. 3 00:00:03,324 --> 00:00:04,513 - I've prepared something. 4 00:00:04,613 --> 00:00:05,780 (giggles) 5 00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:08,277 - Can she just stop that? - Don't forget our brilliant. (laughs) 6 00:00:08,277 --> 00:00:09,924 - From booze to biscuits. 7 00:00:10,024 --> 00:00:11,218 - Red hot deals. 8 00:00:11,318 --> 00:00:12,419 - Loads of two for ones. 9 00:00:12,519 --> 00:00:14,635 - The finest butchers, the freshest meat. 10 00:00:14,735 --> 00:00:16,222 - Service with a smile. 11 00:00:16,322 --> 00:00:19,002 - Friendly staff always happy to help. 12 00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:21,789 - Am I getting paid for this? - Don't forget the Valco tick. 13 00:00:21,889 --> 00:00:23,741 - Everyone always gets it wrong. It's definitely that way. 14 00:00:23,741 --> 00:00:24,474 - Tick. 15 00:00:24,574 --> 00:00:27,438 - [All] Valco, serves you right! 16 00:00:27,538 --> 00:00:30,205 - Now with added pleasure foods. 17 00:00:32,935 --> 00:00:35,276 - God, two punctures I had on the way, two! 18 00:00:35,376 --> 00:00:36,794 And had a big fly in my eye. 19 00:00:36,894 --> 00:00:39,861 - Oh now I'd wondered where you'd got to. I thought you might have slept in 20 00:00:39,861 --> 00:00:43,047 after our shenanigans last night. - What shenanigans? 21 00:00:43,147 --> 00:00:44,999 I had a migraine and just wanted to be held. 22 00:00:44,999 --> 00:00:46,331 - No, I meant before that. 23 00:00:46,431 --> 00:00:47,929 You were magnificent. 24 00:00:48,029 --> 00:00:49,100 - Oh, guilty as charged. 25 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:52,867 - I mean, your shuffle hop step was sublime. 26 00:00:54,958 --> 00:00:56,481 (laughs) 27 00:00:56,581 --> 00:01:00,685 - You know, jazz tap class really is terrific. 28 00:01:00,785 --> 00:01:03,083 - Well I've opened your eyes to lots of things haven't I? 29 00:01:03,083 --> 00:01:05,944 Jazz tap, Bonnie Tyler, lasagna. 30 00:01:06,044 --> 00:01:07,486 - Oh nice, it's alright about the lasagna. 31 00:01:07,486 --> 00:01:11,001 Flat pasta on a horizontal lattice, I mean, 32 00:01:11,101 --> 00:01:14,313 what were they smoking when they came up with that? 33 00:01:14,413 --> 00:01:16,234 (laughs) 34 00:01:16,334 --> 00:01:19,252 That's got me thinking outside the box with healthy eating. 35 00:01:19,352 --> 00:01:22,651 - Ah, now you might want to hold off on any more 36 00:01:22,751 --> 00:01:24,461 healthy eating orders for now. 37 00:01:24,561 --> 00:01:26,614 - Oh really, why? 38 00:01:26,714 --> 00:01:30,047 - I'm not sure how to tell you this, but 39 00:01:33,140 --> 00:01:35,827 if you don't get changed out of those shorts pronto 40 00:01:35,927 --> 00:01:38,131 I won't be able to control myself. 41 00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:40,455 - Ah well, you shall have to wait till tonight. 42 00:01:40,555 --> 00:01:44,498 I'll stay off the strong cheddar to keep the migraines away. 43 00:01:44,598 --> 00:01:46,128 (laughs) 44 00:01:46,228 --> 00:01:47,561 But, until then. 45 00:01:52,266 --> 00:01:55,146 - You're like a young Fred Astaire. 46 00:01:55,246 --> 00:01:58,829 - And you're like a same age Ginger Rogers. 47 00:02:03,613 --> 00:02:04,738 - And I looked at him and I said, "Don't tell me 48 00:02:04,738 --> 00:02:06,853 you forgot our anniversary again?" 49 00:02:06,953 --> 00:02:09,812 - Oh, I didn't know you were married to Neville. 50 00:02:09,912 --> 00:02:13,205 - How many times, I'm not Linda I'm Sue! 51 00:02:13,305 --> 00:02:17,314 - Oh, I'm sorry love, I ain't got me glasses on. (laughs) 52 00:02:17,414 --> 00:02:18,874 - [Woman] The Volvo. 53 00:02:18,974 --> 00:02:20,431 - I'm not saying it was your fault my sweet, 54 00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:23,553 but you really should indicate when you go around corners. 55 00:02:23,653 --> 00:02:24,386 - I did! 56 00:02:24,486 --> 00:02:26,491 - Before you turn, not after. 57 00:02:26,591 --> 00:02:27,819 - [Sue] What's all this? - Don't ask! 58 00:02:27,919 --> 00:02:28,985 - Righteo! 59 00:02:29,085 --> 00:02:30,325 - Neville's been teaching me how to drive 60 00:02:30,325 --> 00:02:31,719 and there's like loads of nutters out there. 61 00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,159 What did that woman shout at me? 62 00:02:33,259 --> 00:02:34,546 - Don't drive into my children! 63 00:02:34,646 --> 00:02:36,788 - Why do they let these people on the roads? 64 00:02:36,888 --> 00:02:37,721 - Rather you than me Nev. 65 00:02:37,721 --> 00:02:40,154 I tried to teach Linda myself, it was a bloody nightmare. 66 00:02:40,254 --> 00:02:42,706 - You've had lessons before? - Yeah, but not many. 67 00:02:42,806 --> 00:02:46,340 - 25, 25 times I put my life in her hands. 68 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,274 She's unteachable. 69 00:02:48,374 --> 00:02:50,735 - Maybe for you, but Neville's not a quitter 70 00:02:50,835 --> 00:02:51,753 are you Nev Nev? 71 00:02:51,853 --> 00:02:54,049 - To be fair, the thought had crossed my mind. 72 00:02:54,149 --> 00:02:56,163 - Right, well I'll go on strike then shall I? 73 00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:58,186 How bout I refuse to cook for you until you help 74 00:02:58,186 --> 00:02:58,920 me pass my test? 75 00:02:59,020 --> 00:03:00,822 - To be honest, I do most of the cooking, so... 76 00:03:00,922 --> 00:03:02,465 - I'm not doing the cleaning then. 77 00:03:02,565 --> 00:03:04,749 - Again, since it's mainly me... 78 00:03:04,849 --> 00:03:06,511 - Well, you're not getting any you know what. 79 00:03:06,511 --> 00:03:09,149 - Which is also something I tend to do on my own still. 80 00:03:09,249 --> 00:03:13,416 Point taken, I shall see you in the car park at one. 81 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,752 - Colin, you're not on shift today. 82 00:03:16,852 --> 00:03:18,664 I'm not paying you overtime, you know. 83 00:03:18,764 --> 00:03:21,812 - I don't want any money Gavin. At least not from Valco. 84 00:03:21,912 --> 00:03:23,602 If I want a tenner I'll just get it off Neville. 85 00:03:23,602 --> 00:03:25,993 I'm here because I want to work. 86 00:03:26,093 --> 00:03:27,386 - Oh well good for you! 87 00:03:27,486 --> 00:03:30,726 You know that is a exactly the kind of can do spirit 88 00:03:30,826 --> 00:03:33,603 that optimises this whole healthy eating campaign. 89 00:03:33,703 --> 00:03:35,375 - Yeah, definitely. 90 00:03:35,475 --> 00:03:36,796 What's healthy eating? 91 00:03:36,896 --> 00:03:38,456 - I'm gonna pretend that that's a joke 92 00:03:38,556 --> 00:03:40,556 and finish my breakfast. 93 00:03:42,710 --> 00:03:44,572 - To be honest Gav, I need a break from Lisa. 94 00:03:44,672 --> 00:03:47,027 Do you know we've been trying for a baby. 95 00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:47,973 - Oh lovely. 96 00:03:48,073 --> 00:03:50,929 - Yeah, we're like doing it all the time. 97 00:03:51,029 --> 00:03:54,072 And at first, you're like, oh well this is just fantastic 98 00:03:54,172 --> 00:03:55,882 even if that is red raw, 99 00:03:55,982 --> 00:03:58,265 but now, because she hasn't got pregnant yet Gav, 100 00:03:58,365 --> 00:04:00,449 she wants to do it more and more often 101 00:04:00,549 --> 00:04:02,557 and she wants to try every position. 102 00:04:02,657 --> 00:04:05,043 Me talking doggy, wheelbarrow, propellor, 103 00:04:05,143 --> 00:04:06,925 the butter churner. 104 00:04:07,025 --> 00:04:09,865 - I really need to finish my breakfast. - She just keeps ramming it down me throat 105 00:04:09,865 --> 00:04:11,043 and making me swallow. 106 00:04:11,143 --> 00:04:13,293 You know, it's like, I don't know how to explain it. 107 00:04:13,393 --> 00:04:15,394 - I have completely lost my appetite. 108 00:04:15,494 --> 00:04:17,546 - Yes, exactly that! 109 00:04:17,646 --> 00:04:18,729 Nice one Gav. 110 00:04:20,691 --> 00:04:21,806 - When travelling on the motorway, 111 00:04:21,806 --> 00:04:25,732 should you post updates on a, Facebook, b, Instagram, 112 00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:26,749 or c, both? 113 00:04:28,820 --> 00:04:29,923 - Um, both. 114 00:04:30,023 --> 00:04:30,832 - Correct! 115 00:04:30,932 --> 00:04:31,962 You are so gonna pass! 116 00:04:32,062 --> 00:04:33,163 - Here's one for ya. 117 00:04:33,263 --> 00:04:35,469 What's the stopping distance of a sales rep 118 00:04:35,569 --> 00:04:37,904 travelling at six miles an hour? 119 00:04:38,004 --> 00:04:38,894 - Do what? 120 00:04:38,994 --> 00:04:40,158 - It's a trick question. 121 00:04:40,258 --> 00:04:41,464 He cannot be stopped. 122 00:04:41,564 --> 00:04:43,476 - God I admire you. 123 00:04:43,576 --> 00:04:45,624 - Here, have a sugar butter bite. 124 00:04:45,724 --> 00:04:48,043 100% real sugar. 125 00:04:48,143 --> 00:04:50,596 Anyway, you don't need driving lessons. 126 00:04:50,696 --> 00:04:53,796 Good looking girl like you should be chauffeured everywhere. 127 00:04:53,896 --> 00:04:54,931 (laughs) 128 00:04:55,031 --> 00:04:55,764 - Shut up! 129 00:04:55,864 --> 00:05:00,269 - I'm just gonna go and throw this up. - Linda, question for you my sweet. 130 00:05:00,369 --> 00:05:03,705 - Is it why are you going out with me? - No, although I do get that a lot. 131 00:05:03,805 --> 00:05:06,173 No, it's about the driving lessons. - Whatever. 132 00:05:08,943 --> 00:05:10,095 (laughs) 133 00:05:10,195 --> 00:05:11,423 - What is it Neville? 134 00:05:11,523 --> 00:05:15,107 - Rather than going out in an actual car on roads, 135 00:05:15,207 --> 00:05:18,322 might we try a bit of role playing for the driving? 136 00:05:18,422 --> 00:05:19,545 - If you want. 137 00:05:19,645 --> 00:05:21,680 That's the only role playing you'll be getting though. 138 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,745 - You should be grateful he's even attempting to teach ya! 139 00:05:23,745 --> 00:05:25,188 - Since when did you take Neville's side and not mine? 140 00:05:25,188 --> 00:05:28,910 - I have to say, it's nice but slightly confusing Sue. 141 00:05:29,010 --> 00:05:30,277 - Shut your face Neville! 142 00:05:30,377 --> 00:05:31,710 - That's better. 143 00:05:37,311 --> 00:05:38,198 - (gasps) Oh dear. 144 00:05:38,298 --> 00:05:39,409 - Are you crying Gavin? 145 00:05:39,509 --> 00:05:41,520 - No, no, no, it's very windy when I cycled in. 146 00:05:41,620 --> 00:05:42,954 I got a big fly in my eye. 147 00:05:43,054 --> 00:05:44,587 - Thought you might be crying cause there are hardly 148 00:05:44,587 --> 00:05:45,958 any customers. 149 00:05:46,058 --> 00:05:48,679 - Oh no, it's just Tuesday morning. Tuesday's are always a bit funny. 150 00:05:48,679 --> 00:05:49,412 (laughs) 151 00:05:49,512 --> 00:05:52,446 - Yeah, I see what you mean actually. 152 00:05:52,546 --> 00:05:56,278 - No, no, more funny odd not funny ha ha. 153 00:05:56,378 --> 00:05:57,983 - Excuse me, could you direct me 154 00:05:58,083 --> 00:05:59,988 to the local history section please? 155 00:06:00,088 --> 00:06:03,779 - What are you talking about? - This is a library isn't it? (laughs) 156 00:06:03,879 --> 00:06:05,397 You scared off all the customers 157 00:06:05,497 --> 00:06:07,793 with your healthy eating bollocks! 158 00:06:07,893 --> 00:06:09,713 - What do you want Duncan? 159 00:06:09,813 --> 00:06:12,565 - I'm meeting your missus later for a full body massage. 160 00:06:12,665 --> 00:06:14,022 - A full body massage? 161 00:06:14,122 --> 00:06:16,720 - I mean meeting, although who knows. 162 00:06:16,820 --> 00:06:18,298 But first I want to commiserate. 163 00:06:18,398 --> 00:06:19,606 - What are you talking about Trench? 164 00:06:19,606 --> 00:06:21,717 - I'm talking about your healthy eating thing. 165 00:06:21,817 --> 00:06:23,919 Warrington says it's an all time low. 166 00:06:24,019 --> 00:06:25,259 - What? 167 00:06:25,359 --> 00:06:26,205 - He said Warrington sales are at an all time-- 168 00:06:26,205 --> 00:06:28,326 - Yes, I know what he said I just don't understand why. 169 00:06:28,326 --> 00:06:30,116 - Word is head office want to take your pet project 170 00:06:30,116 --> 00:06:33,594 to the vet, give it a lethal injection to the face. 171 00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:34,427 - What? 172 00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:37,490 - He said head office want to take your-- - Would you please just stop talking Shai. 173 00:06:37,490 --> 00:06:39,490 - Cheryl hasn't told ya! 174 00:06:40,414 --> 00:06:41,247 OM shit! 175 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:45,004 - I don't know what ridiculous rumours you think 176 00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:45,906 you've heard-- 177 00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:47,289 - They're not rumours, they're fact. 178 00:06:47,289 --> 00:06:50,033 Everyone knows, Pleasure Foods, all your other suppliers. 179 00:06:50,133 --> 00:06:51,418 Probably even him! 180 00:06:51,518 --> 00:06:53,360 - Yes, I do, but only because I read Cheryl's emails. 181 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:54,350 - You what? 182 00:06:54,450 --> 00:06:56,819 - By the way her cousin got engaged. Finally. (laughs) 183 00:06:56,919 --> 00:07:00,750 - Face it Gavin, you've damned this branch with your 184 00:07:00,850 --> 00:07:01,972 healthy eating plague. 185 00:07:02,072 --> 00:07:04,655 It's going down and so are you. 186 00:07:06,512 --> 00:07:08,595 (laughs) 187 00:07:09,658 --> 00:07:11,158 - Just don't Shai. 188 00:07:16,545 --> 00:07:17,278 - Nothing! 189 00:07:17,378 --> 00:07:18,378 Nothing Nev! 190 00:07:19,359 --> 00:07:22,514 Normally when a babe like that walks past, you can pitch a tent on this bad boy, 191 00:07:22,514 --> 00:07:26,022 but now, I just feel numb and lifeless. 192 00:07:26,122 --> 00:07:26,855 (gasps) 193 00:07:26,955 --> 00:07:28,423 Is this what it's like being you? 194 00:07:28,523 --> 00:07:30,971 - Actually Colin, I've got a very healthy libido. 195 00:07:31,071 --> 00:07:32,238 Quite frustrating at the moment. 196 00:07:32,238 --> 00:07:34,592 Linda's denying me conjugal rights til she passes 197 00:07:34,692 --> 00:07:35,811 her driving test. 198 00:07:35,911 --> 00:07:36,880 - You lucky bastard. 199 00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:40,755 All I get at the minute is sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. 200 00:07:40,855 --> 00:07:43,065 It's becoming boring and depressing. 201 00:07:43,165 --> 00:07:44,379 It's like working with you. 202 00:07:44,479 --> 00:07:46,644 - Colin, well since you're here, you can at least do something. 203 00:07:46,644 --> 00:07:47,959 This counter's just filthy. 204 00:07:48,059 --> 00:07:49,567 Give it a clean please. 205 00:07:49,667 --> 00:07:52,095 - I'm in turmoil here Gavin! 206 00:07:52,195 --> 00:07:53,886 Aye, thingie. 207 00:07:53,986 --> 00:07:55,339 - Shai. 208 00:07:55,439 --> 00:07:57,446 - Whatever, Gavin said clean the meat counter 209 00:07:57,546 --> 00:07:59,740 and get me a can of Stella. 210 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:01,848 - When I first started working here Gavin said 211 00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:03,401 do not do anything Colin asks, 212 00:08:03,501 --> 00:08:05,968 he'll just take advantage of you. 213 00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:09,071 - I dread to think what he said about me. - Nothing, literally. 214 00:08:09,909 --> 00:08:12,159 He didn't even mention you. 215 00:08:13,156 --> 00:08:15,019 - I can't even control the div shelf stacker Nev. 216 00:08:15,019 --> 00:08:17,519 It's like I've been castrated. 217 00:08:21,174 --> 00:08:22,738 What do you feel Nev? 218 00:08:22,838 --> 00:08:25,088 - It's quite uncomfortable. 219 00:08:27,101 --> 00:08:28,184 - Is it true? 220 00:08:29,565 --> 00:08:31,697 Has healthy eating put the branch in danger? 221 00:08:31,797 --> 00:08:32,806 - I was going to tell you. 222 00:08:32,906 --> 00:08:34,995 - But you didn't though. 223 00:08:35,095 --> 00:08:37,814 - You just looked so sweet and vulnerable. 224 00:08:37,914 --> 00:08:40,332 Your helmet always has the effect on me. 225 00:08:40,432 --> 00:08:42,351 - I had to hear it through Duncan Trench. 226 00:08:42,451 --> 00:08:44,536 You know the last time I was this humiliated 227 00:08:44,636 --> 00:08:46,967 is when I slipped off a horse on a merry go round. 228 00:08:47,067 --> 00:08:49,101 All the kids they laughed and jeered 229 00:08:49,201 --> 00:08:52,458 as I lay on the floor bleeding! - And I helped you up, remember? 230 00:08:52,558 --> 00:08:55,310 Just like I'm going to help you now over this 231 00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:56,933 minor failure. 232 00:08:57,033 --> 00:08:59,097 (sighs) 233 00:08:59,197 --> 00:09:01,918 - But I wanted to fly the flag for healthy eating. 234 00:09:02,018 --> 00:09:05,813 And instead I've hit this iceberg of hydrogenated transfat 235 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,027 and enumbers. 236 00:09:07,127 --> 00:09:10,544 - That metaphor might need some work. - I know it needs-- 237 00:09:10,644 --> 00:09:11,894 - I'm so sorry. 238 00:09:16,265 --> 00:09:17,515 - Milky udders. 239 00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:23,302 You've been sneaking Pleasure Foods chocolates. 240 00:09:23,402 --> 00:09:24,569 Fudge nuggets. 241 00:09:26,539 --> 00:09:29,789 We're meant to be setting an example to our customers. 242 00:09:29,889 --> 00:09:32,998 You agreed that we'd be the major Tim Peake at the supermarket industry. 243 00:09:33,098 --> 00:09:35,872 True and just and everything that's healthy 244 00:09:35,972 --> 00:09:37,065 and good in this world. 245 00:09:37,165 --> 00:09:39,237 - I know and I'm sorry but something I find Tim Peake 246 00:09:39,237 --> 00:09:41,101 just a bit boring. 247 00:09:41,201 --> 00:09:42,034 - What? 248 00:09:43,628 --> 00:09:46,978 So all those times we watched him live in space? 249 00:09:47,078 --> 00:09:48,692 You were faking it? 250 00:09:48,792 --> 00:09:51,292 - No, no, maybe once or twice. 251 00:09:52,523 --> 00:09:53,538 - You were so conniving. 252 00:09:53,638 --> 00:09:55,471 All those oos and ahs. 253 00:09:56,838 --> 00:09:58,426 - Cause I wanted you to enjoy it! 254 00:09:58,526 --> 00:10:01,105 To be honest, I was just tired and I wanted to go to sleep. 255 00:10:01,205 --> 00:10:02,932 But that doesn't mean I don't love you. 256 00:10:03,032 --> 00:10:04,806 - We are still talking about the live broadcast 257 00:10:04,806 --> 00:10:08,032 on the international space station. - Yes we are, yes, and I'm so sorry. 258 00:10:08,132 --> 00:10:11,770 But most of all, I'm sorry about healthy eating. 259 00:10:11,870 --> 00:10:13,620 It's over Gavin love. 260 00:10:15,951 --> 00:10:17,315 - Today is a good day! 261 00:10:17,415 --> 00:10:21,140 No, a great day and do you know why? 262 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,167 - You've been fired and you're looking for some rope. 263 00:10:23,167 --> 00:10:24,329 I'll offer it. 264 00:10:24,429 --> 00:10:26,773 - I love it and for the record, I drove the five series 265 00:10:26,873 --> 00:10:30,123 off the cliff. (roars) 266 00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:38,664 Today is a good day because healthy eating is no more. 267 00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:39,497 (knocks) 268 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,029 - Oi, leave him alone, I like looking at him. 269 00:10:41,029 --> 00:10:43,672 - Well, you better get used to it darling, 270 00:10:43,772 --> 00:10:46,924 cause pretty soon all these healthy eating displays 271 00:10:47,024 --> 00:10:49,610 will be replaced with my product. 272 00:10:49,710 --> 00:10:52,791 I'm in charge of castle of Valco now. 273 00:10:52,891 --> 00:10:54,468 - What you banging on about? 274 00:10:54,568 --> 00:10:55,901 - I came, I saw, 275 00:10:57,305 --> 00:10:59,318 I kicked Gavin's ass! 276 00:10:59,418 --> 00:11:01,418 (thuds) 277 00:11:05,653 --> 00:11:08,570 The king is dead, long live the me! 278 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:10,711 - Bell end. 279 00:11:12,008 --> 00:11:14,701 - Bring on the trumpets and stop the clocks. 280 00:11:14,801 --> 00:11:18,909 I give you the next big thing from Pleasure Foods, 281 00:11:19,009 --> 00:11:20,532 Assailant. 282 00:11:20,632 --> 00:11:22,495 It's gonna make your packet. 283 00:11:22,595 --> 00:11:23,544 Go on, pick a number. 284 00:11:23,644 --> 00:11:24,377 - Um four. 285 00:11:24,477 --> 00:11:26,344 - And add 15 zeroes. 286 00:11:26,444 --> 00:11:29,496 That is literally how much money this baby's gonna make you 287 00:11:29,596 --> 00:11:31,142 in year one. 288 00:11:31,242 --> 00:11:32,669 - 400 quadrillion? 289 00:11:32,769 --> 00:11:33,595 - Exactly. 290 00:11:33,695 --> 00:11:36,864 This stuff'll put hairs on your chest and feet. 291 00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:39,119 This is the Geoff Capes of energy drinks. 292 00:11:39,219 --> 00:11:41,960 And I'm offering you the chance to be the first to sell it. 293 00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:44,834 - Geoff Capes was my first crush. 294 00:11:44,934 --> 00:11:47,684 - So then I think, decision made? 295 00:11:48,599 --> 00:11:50,932 - It's very tempting Duncan, 296 00:11:52,933 --> 00:11:55,256 but I'm gonna need more time to think about it. 297 00:11:55,356 --> 00:11:57,197 This drink is totally at odds 298 00:11:57,297 --> 00:12:00,663 with Gavin's healthy eating campaign. 299 00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:03,260 - Well, must be difficult to support someone 300 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:06,883 who's losing the branch so much money and putting everyone's jobs at risk. 301 00:12:06,983 --> 00:12:09,733 Still, I can respect the loyalty. 302 00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:12,710 - Knock knock! 303 00:12:12,810 --> 00:12:16,194 - Oh Cheryl, please, I'm a married man. 304 00:12:16,294 --> 00:12:18,662 You'll have to watch this one Gavin, she's a right firecracker. (laughs) 305 00:12:18,662 --> 00:12:20,412 - Oh thank you Gavin! 306 00:12:22,541 --> 00:12:25,330 - Has somebody brought you flowers? - Great minds aye? 307 00:12:25,430 --> 00:12:26,719 - Yeah, these are really sweet. 308 00:12:26,819 --> 00:12:29,203 - By sweet she means small. 309 00:12:29,303 --> 00:12:32,220 So back to business or do you need a break to discuss 310 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,917 the size of Gavin's bunch? 311 00:12:35,017 --> 00:12:36,478 - Assailant. 312 00:12:36,578 --> 00:12:39,043 What's this noxious monstrosity? 313 00:12:39,143 --> 00:12:39,876 - Yeah, Gavin. 314 00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:40,871 - I bet it's bubble gum flavoured paint stripper, 315 00:12:40,871 --> 00:12:42,801 probably glows in the dark. 316 00:12:42,901 --> 00:12:47,190 - It does to help poor children read without a torch. 317 00:12:47,290 --> 00:12:50,634 - Valco will not now, or ever sell that poison. 318 00:12:50,734 --> 00:12:53,053 Now, clear your pitch up and get out please. 319 00:12:53,153 --> 00:12:54,521 - Duncan, will you give us a minute please? 320 00:12:54,521 --> 00:12:58,868 - May I just say how offended I am, as a feminist, 321 00:12:58,968 --> 00:13:01,861 that you would undermine your girlfriend at work. 322 00:13:01,961 --> 00:13:05,346 Don't women have enough to contend with? 323 00:13:05,446 --> 00:13:07,374 I'll call you later sweetheart. 324 00:13:07,474 --> 00:13:08,800 (door slams) 325 00:13:08,900 --> 00:13:10,038 - Let me get this straight. 326 00:13:10,038 --> 00:13:12,832 You're willing to cancel my healthy eating campaign 327 00:13:12,932 --> 00:13:14,765 and sell that, that... 328 00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:19,081 Why can I not think of an adjective. - Because you're being irrational. 329 00:13:19,081 --> 00:13:21,383 I mean, this is business, it's not personal. 330 00:13:21,483 --> 00:13:24,594 - Just because we eat lasagna doesn't mean we're in the mafia Cheryl. 331 00:13:24,694 --> 00:13:28,380 Now, I'm going to give healthy eating one last push. 332 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,015 And when I have proven to you that it can be profitable 333 00:13:31,115 --> 00:13:33,197 then I hope that you will have the decency 334 00:13:33,297 --> 00:13:35,464 not to sign that contract. 335 00:13:39,612 --> 00:13:41,151 (door clicks) (sighs) 336 00:13:41,251 --> 00:13:45,664 Just don't forget to trim the stalks, they'll last longer. 337 00:13:45,764 --> 00:13:48,799 (door clicks) 338 00:13:48,899 --> 00:13:51,232 - Have you been out driving again? - We had a little accident. 339 00:13:51,232 --> 00:13:53,009 - It wasn't really we though was it dear? 340 00:13:53,109 --> 00:13:54,095 - It was your car. 341 00:13:54,195 --> 00:13:55,693 - Yes, and my no claims bonus. 342 00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,229 - It wasn't my fault anyway. 343 00:13:57,329 --> 00:13:58,824 He's put me me off with all his noises. 344 00:13:58,824 --> 00:14:01,035 - I don't see how my breathing counts as a noise. 345 00:14:01,135 --> 00:14:02,351 - It's distracting Neville! 346 00:14:02,351 --> 00:14:04,593 - And I tried to hold my breath but it's a bit of a strain 347 00:14:04,693 --> 00:14:07,444 doing it for the whole lesson. - Neville, are you bleeding? 348 00:14:07,544 --> 00:14:10,023 - Yes, I did suffer quite a profuse nose bleed, 349 00:14:10,123 --> 00:14:12,091 but I managed to stem the blood. 350 00:14:12,191 --> 00:14:13,073 - Said I was sorry. 351 00:14:13,173 --> 00:14:16,696 - Yes you did my darling, eventually. - I can't believe I'm saying this, 352 00:14:16,796 --> 00:14:19,026 but this man's a saint teaching you to drive. 353 00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:21,904 I'll go and get you a wet paper towel Nev. 354 00:14:22,004 --> 00:14:23,515 - I can't quite believe you're saying it either 355 00:14:23,515 --> 00:14:25,015 but thank you Sue. 356 00:14:28,095 --> 00:14:29,511 Shame about the write off. 357 00:14:29,611 --> 00:14:30,493 - Wasn't a write off. 358 00:14:30,593 --> 00:14:32,223 Just crammed it a bit. 359 00:14:32,323 --> 00:14:33,486 - I was talking about my car. 360 00:14:33,586 --> 00:14:35,573 Although we are going to have to inform the owner 361 00:14:35,573 --> 00:14:37,666 of the pranged car too. 362 00:14:37,766 --> 00:14:39,599 - Sue's gonna kill me. 363 00:14:41,546 --> 00:14:44,245 - Margaret, what have you got for depression? 364 00:14:44,345 --> 00:14:45,989 - Gone with the Wind Max Media Press. 365 00:14:46,089 --> 00:14:48,136 You know that bit where helicopter crashes, 366 00:14:48,236 --> 00:14:51,236 oh I find that so upsetting. 367 00:14:51,336 --> 00:14:52,598 - Nevermind. 368 00:14:52,698 --> 00:14:53,997 - Well you look a bit sad Colin. 369 00:14:54,097 --> 00:14:57,315 Come and talk to your Auntie Margaret. 370 00:14:57,415 --> 00:14:59,557 - Me and Lisa are trying for a baby. 371 00:14:59,657 --> 00:15:01,000 - She used to be with Neville. 372 00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:02,630 - That's Linda Margaret. 373 00:15:02,730 --> 00:15:05,031 I'm talking about Lisa, we're trying for a baby yeah. 374 00:15:05,131 --> 00:15:08,298 And she just keeps making me you know. 375 00:15:09,806 --> 00:15:12,524 - Oh I were the same with my Allen when we were trying. 376 00:15:12,624 --> 00:15:16,456 And he got a big one, probably bigger than yours. 377 00:15:16,556 --> 00:15:19,982 But when I got pregnant, my nagging paid off. 378 00:15:20,082 --> 00:15:24,213 He gave up that blasted pipe and that's what you should do! 379 00:15:24,313 --> 00:15:27,649 - I don't smoke a pipe Margaret because I'm not 112. 380 00:15:27,749 --> 00:15:30,056 I'm talking about what happens when things get dirty 381 00:15:30,156 --> 00:15:31,239 in the bedroom. 382 00:15:31,339 --> 00:15:34,172 - You put them in the wash basket! 383 00:15:35,164 --> 00:15:37,123 - I can't believe I'm talking about this to you. 384 00:15:37,223 --> 00:15:40,655 - I've been married for 40 years. 385 00:15:40,755 --> 00:15:43,883 I've got two children, four grandchildren. 386 00:15:43,983 --> 00:15:47,019 Did I ever tell you what happened on my wedding night? 387 00:15:47,119 --> 00:15:48,952 Oh, it was disgusting! 388 00:15:50,603 --> 00:15:52,936 - And there's your sausages. 389 00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:55,303 How did Sue take the news? 390 00:15:55,303 --> 00:15:57,259 - I tried to tell her but I just don't know how. 391 00:15:57,359 --> 00:15:58,398 She's gonna be so angry with us. 392 00:15:58,398 --> 00:16:00,768 - Again my love, it was you who was driving. 393 00:16:00,868 --> 00:16:02,711 - In your car with your stupid breathing noises! 394 00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:05,936 - Alright, alright, never fear, Neville is here. 395 00:16:06,036 --> 00:16:08,437 Sue and I seem to have bonded over teaching you to drive. 396 00:16:08,537 --> 00:16:11,411 I'm sure she'll be fine if I tell her. 397 00:16:11,511 --> 00:16:14,519 - Aw Nev Nev, you're like the best boyfriend in the world. 398 00:16:14,619 --> 00:16:15,536 (smacks) 399 00:16:15,636 --> 00:16:17,148 And she won't be fine, she'll be physically violent, 400 00:16:17,148 --> 00:16:18,500 but thank you so much. 401 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,456 Oh Sue, Neville's got something he wants to tell ya. 402 00:16:21,556 --> 00:16:22,662 - Can it wait, I need a wee. 403 00:16:22,762 --> 00:16:24,513 - I'm afraid it can't. 404 00:16:24,613 --> 00:16:27,318 There's no easy way to say this Sue. 405 00:16:27,418 --> 00:16:30,491 It was your car that Linda crashed into. 406 00:16:30,591 --> 00:16:32,414 - You absolute knob end! 407 00:16:32,514 --> 00:16:33,738 - I know and I'm so sorry. 408 00:16:33,838 --> 00:16:35,010 - Not you, him! 409 00:16:35,110 --> 00:16:36,977 This is all your fault Neville! - Is it? 410 00:16:37,077 --> 00:16:38,474 - I told you not to take her out, I told you it's impossible 411 00:16:38,474 --> 00:16:39,296 to teach her. 412 00:16:39,396 --> 00:16:40,260 - To be fair, she did. 413 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:41,764 - You need to grow a pair Neville. 414 00:16:41,864 --> 00:16:44,006 You've got to learn how to say no to Linda, like I do. 415 00:16:44,006 --> 00:16:46,640 - You really do Neville! 416 00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:48,407 It was so traumatic, 417 00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:51,437 (cries) when I crashed into that passing lane. 418 00:16:51,537 --> 00:16:54,329 - And I want my car fixed this week. - At the very latest! 419 00:16:54,429 --> 00:16:55,466 - And resprayed. 420 00:16:55,566 --> 00:16:58,134 - It's the least you can do Neville. And don't even think about coming near me 421 00:16:58,134 --> 00:16:59,801 for at least a year! 422 00:17:02,766 --> 00:17:06,632 - Don't worry, I'll get my own paper towel. 423 00:17:06,732 --> 00:17:09,882 - And in the end, we did get a room with a sea view. 424 00:17:09,982 --> 00:17:12,784 But the way that hotel made us wait was-- 425 00:17:12,884 --> 00:17:14,997 - Disgusting yeah, yeah, you've said lots. 426 00:17:15,097 --> 00:17:18,914 But what I really need Margaret is advice. 427 00:17:19,014 --> 00:17:21,132 - Well my advice is this, 428 00:17:21,232 --> 00:17:24,541 you've got a smashing girl there, beautiful, funny, kind. 429 00:17:24,641 --> 00:17:26,759 You know I've always like Linda. - Lisa. 430 00:17:26,859 --> 00:17:29,784 - And if you don't give her what she wants someone else might. 431 00:17:31,002 --> 00:17:32,965 - You're right Margaret. 432 00:17:33,065 --> 00:17:36,044 If I don't give that beautiful beautiful woman 433 00:17:36,144 --> 00:17:37,477 what she wants-- 434 00:17:38,343 --> 00:17:39,438 I might lose her. 435 00:17:39,538 --> 00:17:42,136 Oh you're a wise woman Margaret. 436 00:17:42,236 --> 00:17:43,403 - I know I am. 437 00:17:44,295 --> 00:17:46,163 Here why don't you give her a call 438 00:17:46,263 --> 00:17:48,115 and tell her how you feel. 439 00:17:48,215 --> 00:17:50,632 - It's a credit card machine. 440 00:17:52,425 --> 00:17:54,508 (clanks) 441 00:17:55,814 --> 00:17:57,960 - Terrible news isn't it? 442 00:17:58,060 --> 00:17:59,909 You must be gutted. - Why, what's happened? 443 00:18:00,009 --> 00:18:01,802 - Oh no, I probably shouldn't tell you. 444 00:18:01,902 --> 00:18:03,245 - Alrighteo. 445 00:18:03,345 --> 00:18:04,615 - Alright, you forced my hand. 446 00:18:04,615 --> 00:18:06,231 Gavin's healthy eating campaign has failed. 447 00:18:06,231 --> 00:18:08,200 The store's under threat. 448 00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:10,446 You could lose your job by the end of the month. 449 00:18:10,546 --> 00:18:13,387 - Oh, but I've just booked a holiday. - I hope you've got insurance. 450 00:18:13,487 --> 00:18:15,702 - Did you hear that Neville? 451 00:18:15,802 --> 00:18:17,336 I might have to cancel me holiday. 452 00:18:17,436 --> 00:18:19,192 I don't think I've got any insurance. 453 00:18:19,292 --> 00:18:20,379 - Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 454 00:18:20,479 --> 00:18:22,600 Were you going anywhere nice? - No, we're staying at home. 455 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:25,724 Allen hates travelling. - Also, sales are at rock bottom 456 00:18:25,824 --> 00:18:28,286 because of Gavin's healthy eating campaign. 457 00:18:28,386 --> 00:18:30,299 You could be out of a job by the end of the week. 458 00:18:30,399 --> 00:18:33,436 - I can't go back to the YMCA. I know I've said it before, 459 00:18:33,536 --> 00:18:35,597 but it's really nothing like the song, not one bit. 460 00:18:35,597 --> 00:18:37,539 Colin, you'll never guess what. 461 00:18:37,639 --> 00:18:40,183 - Yeah, you've seen Lisa, she's waiting in the loading bay 462 00:18:40,283 --> 00:18:41,974 for me because her baby's back 463 00:18:42,074 --> 00:18:44,152 with his red hot sausage action. 464 00:18:44,252 --> 00:18:45,615 - Something much worse. 465 00:18:45,715 --> 00:18:48,548 I might have to cancel my holiday. 466 00:18:49,613 --> 00:18:51,426 - Also, sales are catastrophic 467 00:18:51,526 --> 00:18:54,012 because of Gavin's healthy eating debacle. 468 00:18:54,112 --> 00:18:57,107 The store's gonna close, you could be out of a job 469 00:18:57,207 --> 00:18:58,861 by the end of today. 470 00:18:58,961 --> 00:19:00,128 And when Gavin 471 00:19:01,453 --> 00:19:04,870 goes for a wee he sits down like a woman. 472 00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:09,208 Keep it to yourselves or don't, your call. 473 00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:13,392 (clanking) 474 00:19:13,492 --> 00:19:14,639 - Right, hello sir. 475 00:19:14,739 --> 00:19:16,330 Can I interest you in something 476 00:19:16,430 --> 00:19:18,339 from our healthy eating range? No, ta. 477 00:19:18,439 --> 00:19:20,918 - Why don't you just try one of our lovely 478 00:19:21,018 --> 00:19:22,427 multi-grain rice cakes. 479 00:19:22,527 --> 00:19:23,936 - I have, and I don't like them. 480 00:19:24,036 --> 00:19:25,514 - Honestly, you people. 481 00:19:25,614 --> 00:19:28,162 Do you want to lose weight or not? - What did you say? 482 00:19:28,262 --> 00:19:31,179 - Oh, no thanks, it doesn't matter. 483 00:19:32,801 --> 00:19:34,866 - Gavin, Neville can't go back to the RSPCA 484 00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:38,536 and I can't cancel me holiday because I haven't 485 00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:39,516 got no insurance. 486 00:19:39,616 --> 00:19:41,349 - What are you talking about Margaret? 487 00:19:41,449 --> 00:19:43,999 - She's talking about the branch closing down. 488 00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:46,594 - Yeah, the sales are catalytic! 489 00:19:46,694 --> 00:19:48,918 - And when you have a piss you sit down like a woman. 490 00:19:49,018 --> 00:19:50,279 - What? 491 00:19:50,379 --> 00:19:53,321 - Damn man, we've got a right to know. - The branch is not closing. 492 00:19:53,421 --> 00:19:55,025 - I'm talking about how you have a piss. 493 00:19:55,125 --> 00:19:57,016 - What we want to know is if we're gonna lose our jobs. 494 00:19:57,016 --> 00:19:58,671 - Why would you think you're all losing your jobs? 495 00:19:58,671 --> 00:20:01,083 - We've heard the store's closing cause of healthy eating. 496 00:20:01,183 --> 00:20:02,592 - Well, well, well. 497 00:20:02,692 --> 00:20:04,641 Gavin, Gavin, Gavin. 498 00:20:04,741 --> 00:20:06,050 What have you done? 499 00:20:06,150 --> 00:20:07,706 - Yeah, what have you done more like. 500 00:20:07,806 --> 00:20:10,945 Have you been spreading poison Duncan Trench? 501 00:20:11,045 --> 00:20:14,785 - No, it's just a little cocktail I like to call, 502 00:20:14,885 --> 00:20:16,338 the truth. 503 00:20:16,438 --> 00:20:17,923 - You wouldn't know the truth if it came up to you 504 00:20:17,923 --> 00:20:19,786 with a laminated name badge. 505 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,047 - Don't shoot the messenger, 506 00:20:21,147 --> 00:20:23,860 although you'd probably miss if you tried. 507 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,043 Unless you were sat down. 508 00:20:26,886 --> 00:20:28,317 - Don't make me angry Duncan. 509 00:20:28,417 --> 00:20:30,500 You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. 510 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:31,995 - I don't like you anyway. 511 00:20:32,095 --> 00:20:35,860 You are a cornered little field mouse 512 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,768 and I'm the king of the jungle. 513 00:20:37,868 --> 00:20:42,078 I'm gonna roar so loud you'd wish you'd never had ears. 514 00:20:42,178 --> 00:20:44,178 Face it Gavin, you lost. 515 00:20:45,567 --> 00:20:48,150 Both healthy eating and Cheryl. 516 00:20:49,191 --> 00:20:50,851 - You don't say that! 517 00:20:50,951 --> 00:20:53,217 - Cheryl'll be looking for a new manager soon 518 00:20:53,317 --> 00:20:55,191 and a new boyfriend. 519 00:20:55,291 --> 00:20:56,838 Maybe I'll apply for both. 520 00:20:56,938 --> 00:20:58,905 (groans) 521 00:20:59,005 --> 00:21:01,547 (crashes) (yells) 522 00:21:01,647 --> 00:21:03,153 My face, my face! 523 00:21:03,253 --> 00:21:04,097 - What is going on? 524 00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:07,276 - It's him, he's a psycho, he's broken my face! 525 00:21:07,376 --> 00:21:08,571 - I didn't touch his face! 526 00:21:08,671 --> 00:21:10,288 - You're not fit to govern this branch 527 00:21:10,388 --> 00:21:12,586 and that's exactly what I'll be telling Graham Riviera 528 00:21:12,586 --> 00:21:14,291 at Valco head office! 529 00:21:14,391 --> 00:21:16,473 - Or, or you could just shut your mouth 530 00:21:16,573 --> 00:21:18,579 and we could go up to my office and we can sign off 531 00:21:18,579 --> 00:21:20,810 on the deal for Assailant. 532 00:21:20,910 --> 00:21:23,160 - No, Cheryl, please don't. 533 00:21:24,624 --> 00:21:26,461 What would Tim Peake say? 534 00:21:26,561 --> 00:21:27,294 - Enough! 535 00:21:27,394 --> 00:21:28,227 It's over. 536 00:21:32,929 --> 00:21:35,846 (slow piano music) 537 00:21:37,217 --> 00:21:39,347 - When she said it's over looked really angry. 538 00:21:39,447 --> 00:21:43,114 Did she mean you two or just healthy eating? 539 00:21:44,257 --> 00:21:46,399 - I don't know Shai. 540 00:21:46,499 --> 00:21:48,916 This time, I just don't know. 541 00:21:50,363 --> 00:21:52,363 - You're voting on both. 542 00:21:53,966 --> 00:21:57,049 (instrumental music)