- Valco!
- Serves you right.
- I've prepared something.
(laughing)
- Can she just stop that? - Don't forget our brilliant (laughing).
- From booze to biscuits.
- Red hot sales.
- Loads of two for ones.
- The finest butchers the freshest meat.
- Service with a smile.
- Friendly staff always happy to help.
- Am I gettin' paid for this? - Don't forget the Valco tick.
- Everyone always gets it wrong, it's definitely that way.
- Tick.
- [All] Valco serves you right.
- Not with added pleasure foods.
(alarm beeping)
- Oh on you go love, you've got an honest face.
- Um, don't you think you should maybe double check
when the alarm goes?
- Oh Daniel, how little you know about in-store security.
84% of the work I do is up here, mate.
- Oh is that right? - Oh yeah.
I can assess a potential shoplifter
with the flick of an eye.
(alarm beeping)
- And what about him?
- 100% shoplifter.
- Amazing.
Hey!
(knocking at door)
- Gav,
Gavin?
Gavin!
- I'm awake, I'm awake, I'm awake.
- Have you been sleepin' in the office?
- No!
Okay fine, yes I have.
Yes, Cheryl and I have been having a few issues at home.
Not of a sexual nature.
- Okay--
- Things in that department have always been
very satisfactory as far as I'm aware.
Unless she's, she's mentioned anything to you?
- So Gavin you scheduled me in for this morning, so?
- Ah yes, yes, uh well now, yes (clearing throat).
So there's been a few more sexual harassment
complaints from customers.
- Colin.
- Margaret.
- Oh, she's not been tucking people's shirts
in again, has she?
- Yes, I'm afraid she has.
- Oh, I've already spoken to her about that.
- Yes, well head office are very about it,
so yeah, it's time we brought out the big guns.
Yes, we're talking sexual harassment information training.
- Oh god really, today?
- No, no, no, listen, fret you not.
Now, I've made few changes.
Head office felt that the video was a little bit um--
- Dated.
- No, saxy, too much saxophone.
So I've taken the liberty of writing one or two
of my own scenarios.
So uh, yeah, you know, you're welcome.
- Wow, you really have um, put a lot of effort into this.
- Yes well you know, nights are long on the leaky lilo
and it's helped me keep my mind off the situation with Cheryl.
Did I mention that--
- Yeah so Gavin, I, I better get on with it.
- Yeah, quite right, yeah, quite right.
- O-E - Thank you.
- O-E O-E O-E.
♫ La-la-la-la-la-la-loo-la-la--
- No Margaret, I wasn't singing.
I was doing my vocal warmups.
I'm preparing my voice for another radio broadcast today.
Drive time with Sanjay and Fay.
- Oh how exciting, what are you gonna wear?
- What does it matter what I wear?
It's radio.
- Oh well I think you ought to wear clothes for it, Brian.
- Well yeah of course I'll be wearing clothes, Margaret.
I just mean that the only thing that's really important
is what I say, what expertise I share.
- Oh look.
- What, what are you doing? - Your shirt's out.
- Margaret, ah-ah-ah, Margaret will you stop it?
- Hey you, do you want to hear the good news
or the, no, it's just bad news.
- Oh god what?
No.
- Oh, and it gets better.
Gavin has written a little play to help demonstrate.
- His talents are wasted here.
- Are you gonna give us a hand or not? - Do I have a choice?
- None whatsoever, so we'll do it
in the canteen after lunch?
- All right, it's a date.
- Oh (laughing) it's a date, as in we're organising
the sexual harassment training for the staff.
- Yeah, 'cause it's not an actual date is it, Katie?
- No.
- (laughing) Bless her. - Okay, I'm gonna go.
- Katie, you, you all right?
- Yeah, I'm just busy okay?
- Hey, what are you doing there?
- Well, are you not pleased to see me?
- Yeah of course, I just didn't expect you that's all.
What's up?
- Well, I was on my way to that briefing in Wigan
and then I realised I've left my phone at yours and
what am I like, duh? (laughing)
- They sell pay-as-you-go ones at the kiosk.
- Yeah I know but I was thinking that maybe
I could borrow yours.
- Um, I might, I might need it.
- What, more than a lone woman on the road to Wigan,
I don't think so, Daniel.
- All right, I guess.
- Anyway, I'm just thinking about you babe.
Well if something bad happened,
and you flat out refused to lend me your phone,
you would never forgive yourself.
- Oh I suppose.
- And it's not like you've got anything to hide, right?
Right?
- No, of course not.
- Cool, I'll see you later then.
- All right, do you need me to unlock it?
- No, you're all right baby, I already know your code.
- So tell me what it is again.
- I've already told you Lisa,
stop making it harder than it already is, okay.
- I don't know, Katie.
I get a bit shy talking about stuff like that.
- You, shy?
- Oh, hang on.
Well I don't mean shy, what do I mean?
Oh, I can't be arsed. (laughing)
- Oh, you all right, sugar tits?
- You better be talkin' to me.
- Of course I am.
- Kate here wants us to do some sort of sex training, later.
- Oh Katie, Katie, Katie, how many times have I told you,
if you want this, all you gotta do is ask.
She still owes me a pass from some fella she snogged in town from the kebab stand.
- Oi, that kebab was for you and you know it.
- No? - Okay, you see
all of this, this entire conversation,
constitutes sexual harassment, right?
- Wicked.
- Right?
- So we don't have to do the training then.
- Yes, yes you do!
- Oh-oh.
- So frigid.
- Right, clearly you're not gettin' any.
- Gavin we need to talk.
- Not in front of the customers, please Cheryl.
- Have you been sleeping in the office? - No.
- You've got your slippers on.
- Fine, I have.
I just felt we needed some space, that's all.
- You haven't taken any bedding.
- Well I have a blanket in my car for emergencies,
and I have found that a ring binder
is a very supportive pillow, I thank you very much.
Now, what can I help you with?
- Well you can help me by stopping all this nonsense with Duncan.
- I can't believe you've taken his side.
- Gavin, I'm not taking sides, I'm trying to run a business,
which is why I've said Duncan can do his launch here today.
- Oh be fair!
- Gavin, I haven't fired you for assaulting a rep
on Valco property, I think I've been more than fair, don't you?
Now, I've got a meeting with Debbie Akintola
from Essex to try and explain what on earth
has been going on here lately, so make this work.
- Yeah, or what?
- Or maybe you're not the man I thought you were.
- Hey Daniel, I'm just settin' some things up
for the meeting and I could really use a hand.
Sorry I acted a bit weird when Holly arrived earlier.
It's just that, this is a bit tricky
but I think you should know what she's really like,
I mean, I think she's a bit crazy.
Anyway, we need to talk.
Oh it's Katie, by the way.
Shai, could you give us a hand?
Oh, thank you.
- You're going on holiday?
- With an overhead projector, no.
We've just got sexual harassment training after lunch.
(Shai sputtering)
- I don't really want to learn how to do that
if that's okay.
- It's not how to do it, it's how to avoid doing it.
See, sexual harassment-- (Shai laughing)
- Sorry, sorry, carry on.
- Sexual harassment-- (laughing)
Shai, so you have a problem with the word se--
(laughing)
Man, this is gonna be a long day.
- Oh Gavin don't hit me! (laughing)
- Duncan, I just want you to know that,
in the best interests of Valco
I am prepared to let sleeping dogs lie.
- Oh that's interesting, 'cause I was plannin' on
creeping up behind the sleeping dog
and chasing it around the garden whilst banging a non-stick sauce pan.
- Yes well I think the RSPCA would have a thing or two
to say about that.
- Yeah they'd probably say, no wonder Duncan won,
he's an absolute legend.
- Yes well, I just came to see if you needed any more
little mini cups for your tasting.
- Gavin, this is Assailant, people don't want mini cups, no,
we're givin' everyone a whole can each.
Mm-mm (burping).
- Well thank you for that, and um, yes good luck with it.
And you know, if you need any help at all then please,
(chuckling) come to me.
- Oh actually there is one thing.
Could you get someone to move the rabbit food
back to the pet section?
The smell's putting off my customers.
- That's a lovely rack, I mean stack.
Or do I?
- Hey, did you get my message? - What message?
- My answer phone message. - Oh no, I lent my phone to Holly.
- Oh god.
- What's wrong?
- Oh my god.
- Here's Holly now. - Oh my god.
- Would someone tell me what's going on? - Oh.
Sorry I acted a bit weird when Holly arrived earlier--
Okay so I--
- Sh!
- This is a bit tricky but I think you should know
what she's really like, I mean, I think she's a bit crazy.
Anyway we need to talk.
- I told you that she was out to break us up Daniel.
- Mate, why would you do that?
- Okay, I can explain. - He is not interested in you Katie!
And I am not going anywhere so get used to it!
- Do we get biscuits
with this? - Right, can we watch
something on video again or what? - Brian says he's not comin'.
- Well I'll, I'll, I'll go get him.
- [Shop Assistant] Katie. - Yeah.
- Margaret's been tucking my shirt in again.
- Oh shit.
- Brian.
- Ah Daniel, just the man.
I'm going to need this afternoon off for media commitments.
- Again?
That's the third time this week Brian, I'm afraid it's not possible.
- But I'm expected on Drive Time
with Sanjay and Fay at four.
- No, you're expected to be at work,
and you've got sexual harassment awareness training
in the canteen right now.
- Oh you don't need me for that,
I mean firstly because it's a total waste of time.
And secondly because it always comes down to
their word against yours anyway.
I don't need training in how to successfully deny something.
- I'm sorry, are you admitting to harassment in the work place?
- Absolutely not and I am deeply hurt at the accusation.
See, you gotta let me go.
- This only goes to prove you need the training
more than anyone else.
- But I can't let Sanjay down at this short notice.
We are saving lives out there.
- Canteen, now.
- Daniel, Daniel.
(sighing) Oh, this is so unfair.
(sighing)
- What the blazes is that?
(muffled dance music)
Great Yarmouth Duncan, what's going on?
This was meant to be a product launch, not Noel's fudging House Party.
- It's called PR Gavin, we're just tryin' to get the name of
(laughing) I've forgotten the name
and I'm holdin' it in me hand (laughing)
Hey you, have one of these!
There's one for you little fella.
- I really don't think he should be givin' that to children.
- Rubbish, I helped one bloke tip it in his baby's bottle
and she lapped it up.
Who says breast is best?
- Uh medical professionals and breastfeeding experts
as far as I'm aware.
- Piffle, this is a great name for a product.
Deep fried peanut butter waffles, somebody write this down, I'm on fire!
Am I?
No I'm not on fire (laughing).
- He's doing this on purpose.
This is everything that I'm fighting against.
- Do you want me to kick him out for you, Gav?
- You know, there is nothing that I would like more,
but Cheryl has made it very clear that there'll be
consequences if I get in his way.
- There's more than one way to skin a cat.
- Tell me more.
- So you take the cat by its tail and its back legs
and bosh, off it comes.
Or, you sedate it, shave it, take you fin--
- Ian, Ian, I thought you were gonna try and help me
find ways of stopping Duncan without betraying Cheryl.
- Really, how would I know how to do that?
- (sighing) Listen, I made a vow, well not a vow,
a reasonably significant promise to put the health
of my customers above and beyond anything else,
and that includes you my love.
- That's all right, you do what you have to do, my love.
- Excuse me Wendy, can I just get past?
- What is the magic word, Malcolm?
- [Colin] I'm just trying to do my job here, Wendy.
- And I'm just trying to have a little fun, honey.
(laughing)
Come on, give a smile and I will let you through.
(laughing)
- Okay, thank you, you two.
- Deeply moving, deeply moving.
- So, as we can see, one woman's joke
is quiet clearly another man's harassment.
- Don't do joking.
- No, it's fine to tell jokes,
just don't make it sexual in nature.
(laughing)
- Why can't you tell a joke about nature?
- You can, nature's fine.
- So what can we say in this PC world?
- Brian you can say what you want as long as it isn't sexual.
- Oh god (laughing)
- Or offensive.
- Right, nothing sexual, nothing offen,
what am I meant to say? Seriously I got nothing.
- Just think before you speak.
Ask yourself, would I behave this way if it was gonna be shown on the news?
- It wouldn't, which is why it's pointless
me even being here.
- [Woman] Yeah.
- Sit down, Brian.
It's just way to make you think about your behaviour.
Ask yourself, would I act the same way if this was
happening in front of my husband/wife/life partner.
- I wouldn't want to slash Allen.
- Oh no, no, Margaret.
- How would I feel if someone was behaving this way
to my child--
- Ah, don't have kids.
- I know.
- Would it help if we got off and made some kids?
- [Lisa] Sounds good to me.
- What was about slashing?
- Let's bring the bacon back together.
(employees talking amongst themselves)
- [Ian] You'll just have to face facts Gavin,
the guy's clean.
- Dammit you're right, you've tried everything,
Google, Yahoo, Friends Reunited, we've got nothing.
Well Duncan Trench, you win once and for all.
- Oh bof!
- Well maybe we should call it a day and go and get some lunch.
- Lunch, I don't want lunch, I've had a big breakfast.
- Whoa, easy now.
- Penn and Teller, what do they put in this stuff?
Guarana, caffeine, coffee extract, caffeinated compounds,
coffee flavours, anti-antidoid, baptivehalvin,
sugar, and caffeine.
I think we found what we're looking for.
- We sure have.
What is it?
- So, Gavin's rules for a hassle-free environs,
if you feel uncomfortable because of the way
a work colleague has touched you or spoken to you,
fill in a form.
- Oh I have that.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Um well, you don't have to say anything here, obviously.
- It was Brian last Tuesday.
- Beg your pardon?
- You dirty, dirty little man.
I should come over there-- - Nobody jump to conclusions.
Everyone please wait until she's finished.
- He bought me some flowers for me birthday.
Oh I was touched, I didn't even know he knew
what date it was, bless him.
- Told you.
- Fair enough, mate. - And then he pinched me bum
so I will have one of them forms.
- Margaret!
- You're an animal, mate! - I know what she's
referring too
- You're an animal! - There was a piece of thread
peeling from her fleece, I pushed--
- Oh!
- He just did it again! - No, I didn't.
(talking over each other)
(dance music)
- Wha-wha!
- [Man] Hey!
- Yeah!
- Put the grapefruit down, please Duncan.
They bruise very easily.
- Unlike me though, eh Gavin?
Well you knock me down, I come back stronger,
I mean look at me.
I'm probably the king of the world!
(crowd cheering)
(Duncan shouting)
(crowd moaning)
What are you doing? - I'm putting an end to this madness.
I will not have any more of that drink consumed or sold in my shop.
- That's your problem, isn't it, Gavin, 'cause it's not your shop (laughing).
I make one phone call to your girlfriend, and I can keep doing what I like.
- Oh feel free, go ahead, call her.
Not even Cheryl Fairweather, with her infectious laugh
and her, and her chestnut brown eyes,
and her freckled nose, not even Cheryl Fairweather
can stop me taking care of my customers.
- Well then, you don't deserve her.
- Well that may be right, but that doesn't alter the fact
that this stuff should have been recalled.
It contains anti-antidoid baptifalvin.
- So?
- So, well since I started my healthy eating campaign,
I've come to know one or two things about ingredients.
And that, has been banned.
It causes asthma, in mice.
- Listen to yourself, no one cares!
Pleasure Foods can do what it likes.
It doesn't just make the rules,
it makes the paper the rules is written on (laughing).
If we want to make the pond life of Warrington
drink horse piss, we can.
Do you wanna drink horse piss?
Do you, do you?
Do you wanna drink horse piss (laughing)?
(thudding)
- Ah, will somebody call an ambulance?
- All right, shall we call it a day? They've all filled out the forms.
- Yes, please.
- Okay, if anyone has any questions,
just come and see myself or Kate.
- I have a question.
- Oh Jesus Christ.
- If a person was being relentlessly pursued
by a work colleague, even though they weren't interested,
would that be classed as sexual harassment?
- This is gonna be good, sit down.
- Well, it depends if the person felt intimidated.
- So would it be sexual harassment if someone
sent abusive messages to the work colleague
about their current girlfriend, just because they were jealous and old
and insecure and old--
- Okay, I can't put up with this anymore Daniel,
this has nothing to do with my feelings towards you,
but you cannot go out with that.
- Boom!
- (gasping) Who do you think you are, Katie?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Who do you think you are?
- I am a friend, and this is what friends do,
they look out for each other. - Well I am his fiancee.
- [Daniel] Whoa.
- And we are going to be together forever and ever
whether you like it or not!
- Hey excuse me, you're not my fiancee.
- Yet, but I probably would be
if she didn't keep gettin' in the way.
Oh, we're so good for each other, Daniel, you know that.
- We have a bit of fun, yeah, but fiancee,
that's a bridge too far.
- Why don't we just get rid of her?
We don't have to kill her not necessarily, but,
we should just get her sacked or something.
- All right, I think you should go now. - All right then, I'll see you later.
- No, really you won't.
- Well, you don't have to let me in because I've had a key made.
- Whoa, oh, all right, Holly, listen to me.
It's over.
I don't wanna see you no more.
Give me my key and my phone.
Leave.
(gasping)
- You are making a massive mistake.
You're gonna regret this.
- These role plays are very good, aren't they!
(clapping)
- Oh, Cheryl.
Oh, Cheryl.
- Can I come in?
I've just been speaking to Debbie Akintola.
I thought you'd like to hear the news about Duncan.
- Yeah, he's been sacked. - Nearly.
Promoted.
I think they loved his enthusiasm.
But he's been based out of Leicester so you can rest easy.
- Oh, I see.
- Well, I thought you'd be happy.
- It's a victory, but at what cost?
- Did you mean what you said out there?
- Which bit?
Freckly nose?
- No, though that was very nice.
No, the bit about not compromising, even for me.
- I'm afraid I did.
- Even if it meant risking everything we have together?
- Yes, even that.
Does this mean it's over?
- God no!
It's the reason why I love you so much, Gavin Strong.
You take a thankless task.
A totally lost cause.
- Right?
- I mean, something most normal people
would see as a complete and utter waste of time
like trying to get people from Warrington to eat better food.
- I'm sorry, is there a but coming? - But you throw your whole heart into it.
- Oh, there we go.
- However futile the project, however hopeless the case.
It's what I admire in a man.
My man.
- Me?
- You.
Now, go and get that lilo and let's go home.
(chuckling)
- I dunno, Margaret.
I'm not sure it's got enough gravitas.
- Stop fussing.
Honestly, what's the worst that could happen?
- You could give someone the wrong drugs,
they could die and it would be all my fault.
- Well, exactly.
So go on, enjoy yourself.
Damn it, Margaret.
I can explain.
- Listen, I understand that this is a great opportunity
for you, but you cannot just keep sneaking off.
- My public need me!
- Then do it.
But if you leave right now, I'll take it you're officially handing in your notice.
- If you love someone, Daniel, set them free.
- I definitely don't love you.
Let me know what you decide.
- Margaret?
- Brian?
- What should I do?
- You know what you need to do, Brian.
Listen to your heart and do what's best.
- Thanks, Margaret.
Gonna miss you.
- I meant stay. (sighs)
- Bum bum.
- Ow!
Ha, harass me, Colin. - Oh, are you gonna put a complaint in?
- You all right?
- Yeah, think so.
Look, I'm sorry, I should have listened to you.
- Yeah, you should have.
In fact, you should listen to me about everything,
who's going to win the X Factor,
what to do about the economy, and if we should go
for a pint.
- Oh, and what are your views on if we should go
for a pint?
- I think that we should.
- All right, well I think I should get the first round in then, eh?
(squeaking)
- Oh, Gavin, you're not bringing your work home
with you, are you?
- Oh, what, this?
Oh, heavens no.
This is my new favourite pillow.
I kid you not, I have been looking
for a head support like that for years.
(laughing)
(upbeat music)