-Valco! -Serves you right.
-I've prepared something. -It's OK!
-Can she just stop that? -Don't forget our brilliant...
-From booze to biscuits! -Red-hot deals.
-Loads of two-for-ones. -The finest butchers, the freshest meat.
-Now 24 hours a day. -Service with a smile.
Friendly staff always happy to help.
-Roger that. -Tick!
Am I getting paid for this?
Valco, serves you right!
This is a reminder to customers that the store will not be closing this evening,
due to the launch of Valco 24.
Serving you right, 24 hours a day.
There she is.
Judas! Leaving me on my own, no one to talk to.
-I feel like one of them dogs left at home all day. -Ah, good girl!
Get off! What you doing the night shift for, anyway?
No reason. Oh?
Hi, Greg! Er, are you working tonight, too?
-What a coincidence. -Oh, what a coincidence!
It's me, Linda. Don't know if you remember me. I said you had nice hair.
Hello, Craig!
-So these are my night staff? -Yep.
-And they have to do anything I say? -Well, not anything.
Sit on the floor! That's brilliant!
It might be best just to stick to the simple
-pep talk about the night opening. -Worry-o don't-o, Gavin-o!
Don't worry, Gavin. I have been reading this amazing management book.
-Wolf In The Jungle? -I have so got this covered.
Watch.
According to this book, 50% of you are not up to the job!
That is not something that this manager is prepared to accept.
So from this line, left of this line, you guys...
-you're fired! -Oh, yes!
No, you can't just fire...
Shai. Shai. You can't just fire half the staff.
Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Well, you're fired too. Anyone else?
You can't fire me. I massively outrank you.
Really? OK, great. Right.
That's great, so nobody's fired then. I think that's all you need to know, so...
Go get 'em!
Shai, just get back on your feet, will you?
It'll be fine. I'm here to hold Lou's hand.
Yes, but we don't want head office to think that Valco 24
can be the future of retail.
Hold her hands, by all means, but don't be afraid to loosen your grip.
Use kid gloves, but if the gloves come off, then the gloves come off.
And just remember, a hand in the glove is worth more than two in the...
-Gavin, what an earth are you going on about? -I've no idea, Katie.
My head is swimming with hand metaphors.
All I'm saying is that managers have to learn by their mistakes,
so maybe tonight being a bit of a disaster might not be such a bad thing.
Weird. It almost sounds like you want Valco 24 to fail
-so that they get rid of it. -Oh, no!
Absolutely not!
No, Lou is very capable
-and the best manager for the job. -Gavin!
Gavin! It's Marie.
-Marie? -A mate of mine.
-And? -She's asking if I can go to the cinema tonight? Can I?
No, I can't, can I? No. No, Marie, of course I can't go to the cinema tonight.
Yeah. She'll be fine.
(HUMS) Evening, Sue.
Neville, are you doing the night shift?
Yes, well, I could do with a bit of extra money
now that Linda and I aren't sharing the rent.
Still, night shift should be fun and you can't have night terrors
-if you're not asleep, can you? -Suppose not.
Be nice to have a break from working with Linda too.
Working with your ex can be a little bit heartbreaking,
so I thought, "What the hell! Do a night shift."
She's working tonight as well, isn't she?
-Yeah, sorry. See you tomorrow. -Yes.
See, according to Wolf In The Jungle, a great manager exploits their usp.
-U.S.P. -And ours is night.
So I thought we could have a night aisle.
You know, everything dark and moody and sexy.
Champagne, chocolates, sex toys.
-Weirdly, I don't think Valco stock dildos. -Why not?
They could be called Valdos. (GIGGLES)
That is a great idea. I must bring that up with Gavin.
Can I please be there when you do?
Yeah. We'll try the other stuff though, yeah?
Hey, I need some volunteers
-for eine sexy night task. -Ooh! Me and Craig, me and Craig, me and Craig!
Great. So, aisle nine, the cereal aisle, I want it sexed up.
I want champagne, chocolates, candles, pants.
Just use your imagination.
Ah, just me and you, Craig.
Looks like we'll have to get to know each other.
-Intimately. -Yeah, Laura.
This feels very strange.
Leaving the store with it still being open, it's like...
-It's like leaving a moving car. -(SHAI LAUGHS)
One minute! Hear ye! One minute!
Gavin, why are you still here? We can manage.
Yeah, Gavin! Fuck off already!
(GIGGLES) I'm sorry. I'm just really excited.
Don't worry, I've got my book.
I've also watched every episode of the Night Manager. Less helpful.
Right, well... Well, here are the keys.
Right then, I'll leave you to it.
Oh, before you go, Lou wants to ask you about Valdos.
-Valdos? -Yes! Valco-branded dildos. Can we have some?
Judas Priest! Absolutely not.
OK. You can go now. We will be fine.
Oh, I'm going. (MUMBLES)
(WATCH BEEPS)
Excuse me.
Ten, nine...
Eight. Come on, everyone, party poppers! Seven.
Six, five, four.
Three, two, one!
Whooo! 24 hours is go!
Whooa!
24...hours!
Whooo!
It's good this time and a half, isn't it? I feel like not just Shai,
but one and a half Shais.
(LAUGHS) What are you gonna do with the extra money?
Me? I'm saving for a holiday.
I need to get away from my housemates. They're doing my head in.
-How come? -I'm trying to make it a bit of a party house
and they're all like, "Ooh, clean your room, Harry!
No internet after ten, Harry!" Can't be doing with it.
-Are your housemates also your parents? -Potato tomato.
-Either way, I need a break. -I'd love to go on holiday.
-You could come. We could make it a lads' holiday. -Yeah!
-Well, we are absolute lads. -Two Bantersaurus rexes.
What's that? Phone call for Britain's most out of control lads?
Yeah, let me just get them, one sec.
Speaking! (LAUGHS) There's no one there.
That is classic stuff.
OK, here are the holiday forms and the rotas.
-And they are to be done before tomorrow's shift. -Got it.
-You can go now. -What you doing?
Nothing. No, I'm doing top managerial, night manager, business work.
And I made a melon family. It's not a big deal.
It's just a family of melons. Daddy Melon.
Mamma Melon. And their daughter...
Melanie!
No, I'm just... I'm so bored.
It's 24 hours, that is so boring.
Maybe just concentrate and get the forms done, OK?
Fine. I will try.
Oi! What do you think you're doing, slacking off?
Texting? Well, I am paying you to work.
I'm actually on my break. I'm just texting my daughter.
She's a bit of a huffy Henrietta. Hasn't really been speaking to me for 15 months.
I'm not interested in your excuses. Get back to work.
Actually, no, I've got a job for you.
-Oh, nice. -Oh, thank you.
We should definitely go to Magaluf.
Colin says it's impossible to go there and not pull.
I guess you've totally done it with loads of girls then?
Well, let's just say, I've slept with between zero and 100 women.
Oh! Wow! (LAUGHS)
-Candles are dead romantic, aren't they? -Er, nah.
That's actually a really interesting way of looking at it.
You can help these guys. The three of you should get it done quicker.
I want it as romantic as possible.
Hi, guys.
Look at this hostel. Two stars!
-Says it's perfect for stag and hen dos. -Hen dos?
-Yeah, and a couple of stags to do the hens. -Yeah!
Although if a stag and hen had intercourse,
the stag would definitely kill the hen, so...
Eh up. We should practice our holiday chat-up lines on 'em.
No, I know it looks like I'm great with girls, but I actually really struggle.
Calm down. There's a foolproof system. Colin taught me.
What you do is, you go up to them and you just whisper...
-(WHISPERS) -And that works?
100% of the time, according to Colin.
OK. Right.
Let's do this!
-(WHISPERS) -You what?
Worth a shot.
But we agreed not to see either other at work or in public.
Why are you doing this to me, Neville?
It is a genuine misunderstanding.
If you're trying to win me back.
You've been very clear in your calls, your texts
and your adverts in The Gazette. It's over. I get it.
Hey, you should do two at a time, mate.
See, that way, you lift it right. You can engage your delts.
-Oh? -Let me show you.
Um, you can show me if you like.
-Oh, yes. -It's a free workout.
I'm always looking for ways to workout when I'm not in the gym.
I'm afraid I'm not really one for exercise.
I've not set foot in a gym since my knee snapped on a leg press.
You need to work on your lower body strength. Try squatting while stacking. Here.
Oh!
That's it.
-Oh. -Alright. Start...
Yeah? Squat.
Yep.
-Neville! -Ow!
-Why don't you go and get another cage? -I'll just get a...
Can you, um, teach me some exercises?
Sure, yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Warm up first.
Shuttle runs, end of the aisle and back, go.
Go, go, go!
Shai, can you go and check the price on this, please?
Value cling film, five metres - 89p.
-How did you...? -I memorised the price of everything.
It was your idea. You told me on my first day to,
"Familiarise yourself with the products."
I think you've got too familiar.
Thanks. (CHUCKLES)
Lou, what are you doing?
I was thinking about what you were saying about 24 hours being really boring.
-You said that. -Did I?
Anyway, I was thinking what is not boring?
TVs. If we fit loads of TVs near the entrance,
-people will come in. -Yeah, see...
Gavin prefers not to use TV displays.
He says it looks like downtown Tokyo.
Yeah, well, Gavin isn't in charge now, is he?
Is he? Serious question.
-No, you're in charge. -Great!
Lou, what is that?
Yeah, I bought a bottle of Nighty Night to keep alert.
-I feel shattered already. -I think that's to help you go to sleep.
-It's not to keep you awake. -No, it's called Nighty Night
because it keeps you awake during the nighty night. Duh!
Oh, crap!
Oh!
-Brrrr! No, I think I'd better go and get a cup of coffee. -Yeah.
Oh, wait. You're young. Do you having any...any...
-Any drugs that would keep me awake? -No.
Great, cos that was a manager test. So, well done, you,
for not having any drugs. Right, I'm going to go and get a... I'm going to get a coffee.
OK, go.
Aw, yeah.
Oh, yes!
Do you know what? This could be massive.
Workouts that people could do at home with their own shopping.
-Genius. -I am so pumped about this.
There is one problem though.
If we want this to go on YouTube, we're not allowed any sponsorship.
You're wearing a Valco-branded top, so...
-You reckon I should take it off? -Probably, yeah.
-What's going on? -Nothing! Do not stop this. This is work.
-Please, do not stop this. -But you can't just...
(LOU ON TANNOY) Can Katie please come to the store entrance?
Uh-oh!
Looks like there's a Valco logo
on your trousers as well.
Now let's see how the weather is where you are.
There will whiteouts in the hilly north.
And very windy on the south coast.
-What do you reckon? -I feel like I'm in Currys.
How did you manage to plug all this together?
I just put them all on extensions.
I don't know what's wrong with that one. I tried this.
But it didn't seem to do much...
Oh, shit!
You must have fused the power.
Oh, I see.
No, Katie, I don't understand what you're saying. You're not communicating very well.
You have short-circuited the power to the entire store, Lou.
OK. And is that good or...
bad?
It is bad!
It is very, very, very serious, Lou.
Lou?
Lou!
She's fell asleep!
Go, go, go! Go, go, go, go, go!
Do you reckon this means the shift's over.
It's just normally, when they turn the lights out at the gym,
-it means they want me to go home. -It's just a power cut.
It happens all the time with the meter at my flat.
Especially since that burger van started stealing my electricity.
-It's dead romantic, innit? -Nah. It's just dark.
So, have you uploaded the workout videos?
-Yeah. -Awesome. Thanks.
You know what? You're actually pretty sound.
(GIGGLES)
Ah, thanks, Craig. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
For the record, I did once hire a sky writer
to spell out "You are my world".
-Ow! -Thanks, Nev.
You know how to spoil the moment, don't ya?
-Sorry. -(LINDA SIGHS)
The answer's gotta be in here.
"Just as the wolf hunts down its prey,
so you must hunt down inefficiency."
Oh, no! I think this might be bollocks.
-I'm going to ring Gavin. He will know what to do. -Oh, no!
No, not Gavin. He's going to feel so let down.
The last thing he wants is for my first day to be a disaster.
OK, so the power should be back on soon.
Oh, what did Gavin say?
Gavin doesn't know and he doesn't need to know, OK?
So we carry on until it's sorted.
What about the tills? Cos we can't take any money if they're not working.
-Yes, good point. -We've got the next best thing, a human till.
OK, everybody back to work, yeah?
-Electrician. Here to see Katie. -Oh, yes.
Right. Follow me.
While you're here, you don't know how to stop someone
stealing your electricity, do you?
There's this burger van, you see.
Hi, sir. Welcome to Valco 24.
-Here's a torch to find your way around. -Thanks.
1.99. £4.00.
29p. And £4.19 minus 39p, cos of multi-buy discount.
-And that is? -£57.33.
He's right.
Thank you for shopping at Valco Warrington.
-Oh! Hey! -(CHEERING)
So are you seeing anyone at the minute?
Not really got time. You know, after work and the gym every day.
Cos, like, Monday's leg day. Tuesday's back and upper body.
-Wednesday's cardio. -Yeah.
Is there other ways of keeping fit?
If you know what I mean.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
Interval training, running, cycling.
Triathlon.
(SHE LAUGHS)
I don't think I can do three more months of this just to afford a holiday.
Even if it is going to be an absolute banterfest.
I know. We'd be exhausted.
Plus, when I'm not 100%, my chat really suffers.
That wouldn't be fair on the girls.
We can't be expected to crack on if our chat's not right.
Yeah. Do you know where I've heard's just as good as Magaluf?
-Where? -Whitby.
My housemates are going there next month in a caravan.
So, er...
Linda certainly seems to hold a torch for you, Craig.
Yeah. Most women do.
I think it's cos I'm really...fit.
It's probably that, yes.
But, er, do you have any feelings back for Linda?
She's alright.
Don't think I can be arsed with a girlfriend or anything though.
Right.
Craig, I probably shouldn't say this,
as the thought of Linda being with another man does genuinely
make me want to vomit, but you should give Linda a chance.
-You reckon? -She's a very special woman.
She's funny, pretty. She's brutally assertive.
You're a very lucky man to have a smasher like Linda into you.
You know what?
You're right. I think I might try and bang her.
-Oh? -Cheers, Neville.
Right.
(GROANS)
Oh, crap. Where am I?
Oh, no!
Power cut. Oh, God! Oh, God!
I could barely sleep knowing that the store was open and I wasn't running it.
There was a lot of tossing, I can tell you.
-So, how did the night go? -Yeah, it went great.
-Lou... Lou did great. -Really?!
-Lou? -Are you sure, Katie?
Yeah, Lou was great. She did all the holiday forms and the rotas too.
Well, great. Fantastic. Um... Well...
If anybody needs me, I shall be in my office.
-Oh, your...your keys. -Oh.
-(CLEARS HER THROAT) -"I owe you one key".
Yeah, I lost a few.
I'm very sorry that they are so sticky. It's just honey.
-It washes off. -Right.
-(LOU LAUGHS) -See you later.
Katieeee!
Yeah, you owe me one, a big one.
I can't believe that you sorted everything out.
Well, I thought you deserved a second chance. Everybody cocks up on the first day.
Don't be so hard on yourself. It wasn't your fault.
-I know it wasn't. I fixed everything. -Did you though? Did you?
Or did I motivate you to overperform through management? Wolf In The Jungle.
You cut the power to the store and you drugged yourself.
I was really shit, wasn't I?
-Thank you for not telling Gavin. I owe you one. -Yeah.
Linda's asked me out for a coffee. Thanks again, mate.
-Oh, not at all. -Yeah, I reckon coffee means banging, so...
Oh?
-Do you want to talk about it? -Yes, please, Sue.
-Come on then. I'll get you a cuppa. -Right.
Things to do in Whitby. The Museum of Victorian Science.
Oh, wicked. There's bound to be girls there.
Victorian girls. (LAUGHS)
-I am exhausted. -You've been asleep for seven hours.
Well, I normally need ten or I'm useless.
What? What?