1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:03,460 -Valco! -Serves you right. 2 00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:05,580 -I've prepared something. -It's OK! 3 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:08,980 -Can she just stop that? -Don't forget our brilliant... 4 00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:11,300 -From booze to biscuits! -Red-hot deals. 5 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:14,820 -Loads of two-for-ones. -The finest butchers, the freshest meat. 6 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:19,380 -Now 24 hours a day. -Service with a smile. 7 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:21,340 Friendly staff always happy to help. 8 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:24,080 -Roger that. -Tick! 9 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:26,620 Am I getting paid for this? 10 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:29,120 Valco, serves you right! 11 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,460 So to remind you, you have your appraisals today. 12 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,500 -You all have your time slots. -I couldn't revise. 13 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:39,380 It's not an exam, Heather. It's just a quick chat. 14 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:41,580 Nobody has anything to worry about. 15 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,380 No, I'm not worried, Katie. 16 00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:45,660 In fact, I'm looking forward to it. 17 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:48,580 Uh-oh. I know what this is. 18 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,700 An elaborate scheme to get Colin alone, in a room. 19 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,860 -Isn't that right, Katie? -I'm just going to ignore that. 20 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:57,140 Is it, Katie? Are you sweet on Colin? 21 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,060 -No, Margaret. -Oh, she's sweet like chocolate, Marge. 22 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:02,200 {\an3}OK, everybody get back to work and I will see you all later. 23 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,980 Cometh the hour, cometh the man, Margaret. 24 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,860 -Cometh again? -Appraisals. 25 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:14,140 Finally, I'm going to get myself a pay rise. 26 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:18,740 I've been studying every kind of power play and negotiation technique. 27 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:21,340 Even mind-reading. 28 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:24,100 Think of a number between one and ten. 29 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:27,100 -OK, four. -No, don't tell me. 30 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:29,960 Wait until I ask. 31 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:32,860 Seven. 32 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:33,980 Oh! 33 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:35,380 Oh, that's good. 34 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:37,180 I can't reveal my methods. 35 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,340 Oh, when you said seven, 36 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:40,980 it popped into my head. 37 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,300 Oh, now it's an eight. 38 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,420 Oh! Now it's a bumble bee. 39 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,540 Bzzzzzz! Oh! 40 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:51,460 I mean, what's Lou been doing all night? 41 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:55,140 This looks like there's been some sort of Roman orgy. 42 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,620 -It's making me nauseous. -Is it really the floor making you sick 43 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,820 or is it because you hired an unsuitable manager 44 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:02,860 to sabotage 24-hour opening? 45 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:04,420 I didn't... 46 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,500 (LOUDSPEAKER) Attention! Attention! 47 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,300 A situation has arisen, 48 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:14,740 where your fiancée has some good news. 49 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:18,740 Cheryl, you crazy loon! 50 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,420 It's good though, isn't it? 51 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:24,540 Er, um... Yes, it is! 52 00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:26,900 Oh, that is just too much fun! 53 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:28,620 So what's the news? 54 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:30,420 No, the good news is, 55 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,220 I've had my annual bonus approved. 56 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,500 So we've got a nice boost for the wedding fund. 57 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,100 -Oh, fantastic! -Maybe we can have a band! 58 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,540 -I could call Fleetwood Mick. -To be discussed. 59 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:42,120 -What about your bonus? Has it come through? -Nope. 60 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,900 -Time to move on, Nev. -Yeah, I'm trying. 61 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,980 I went to update my status on Facebook to "single", 62 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,460 only to discover that Linda had already done it for me. 63 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,940 -Well, she's got a new man now. -(LINDA) A hot new man. 64 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,340 -Do you think they're serious? -(LINDA) Very. 65 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,920 Oh, well, good luck to them. 66 00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:04,280 Right you are. 67 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:08,620 This has to end. You can't avoid him all day. 68 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,720 I can. 69 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,420 Watch this. (FARTS) 70 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,900 (LAUGHTER) 71 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:21,900 {\an1}I feel a bit jealous handing these over to you now, Katie. 72 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,500 Appraisals were the highlight of my year. 73 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,620 It's just a day of people moaning at you and telling you they want a pay rise. 74 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:31,100 Oh, yes, but it's so much more than that. There's objectives, achievements. 75 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:36,140 You know, feedback. It's the Notting Hill Carnival of assessment procedures. 76 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:39,260 (SERIES OF KNOCKS ON DOOR) 77 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:42,680 OK, Donna, there's not a secret knock. You can just come in. 78 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,780 {\an1}Just need to check you've got cover for Friday, Mr Strong. 79 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,660 I'm off for the weekend. Health reasons. 80 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:51,760 Oh, no, no. I'll sort it. 81 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,660 You see, it's my annual big bang. 82 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,420 -Big bang? -Yep. 83 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,540 In my line of work, you can't have relationships. 84 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:01,180 It's irresponsible. Never know when you might come home in a body bag. 85 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:04,860 -I actually don't think that's true. -So I do all my sexing 86 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:09,100 over one weekend. Sort of a no-strings bang fest 87 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:10,980 -with a male associate. -Oh, God! 88 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:15,320 I'm like a bottle of Coke that's been shaken for a year. Pssst! 89 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:18,340 It's alright, we've sorted the rota. 90 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:20,940 Thanks, Kit Kat. All I can say is, 91 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,320 don't come anywhere near the Travel Inn Altringham. 92 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,680 (CHUCKLES) Good grief. 93 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:34,180 Oh, yes, is that the Travel Inn Altringham? 94 00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:36,100 I'd like to cancel a booking, please. 95 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,060 -You're ridiculous. -You're not well. 96 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,740 -Mine don't smell. -Yeah, they do. 97 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:43,180 -No, they don't! (FARTS) -(LAUGHTER) 98 00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:46,740 -In your own sweet time. -Oh, I'm sorry, love. 99 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:49,140 -How can I help? -I'd like to see the manager. 100 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,860 Oh, hang on, we were just having a giggle. 101 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,780 -For personal reasons. -Oh, oh. Oh, right. 102 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,700 Cheryl, do you know where Gavin is? This lady wants to see him. 103 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:01,740 He should be around somewhere. Can I help you with anything? I'm the area manager. 104 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:04,420 -You're Cheryl Fairweather? -Indeed. 105 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,100 I'm sorry. I don't know why I just curtsied then. 106 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,340 Well, you're not what I expected. 107 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:13,100 -Sorry? Expected? -I mean, look at the rack on you, for a start. 108 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,200 Excuse me? 109 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,500 Hey, Colin. If you'd like to shut the door and take a seat. 110 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,020 Ooh! Clever girl. 111 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:24,780 {\an3}Nice try, Katie, but I'm going to leave this door wide open. 112 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,380 You're going to leave your hands where I can see 'em. 113 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,520 Nowhere near my pants. 114 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,940 Colin, for the millionth time, I do not fancy you. 115 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:38,380 So what, you just kind of arranged this "appraisal" 116 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,220 -for when Lisa's off? -Well... 117 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:44,040 Ah! Three days after I've taken a bath. Come on! 118 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:46,860 OK, you got me. 119 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,780 -Eh? -It's true. I've got feelings for you. 120 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:53,140 -I... What? -I always thought we've had this thing, you know. 121 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:57,300 {\an3}But there's never been a right time because we've never been both single at the same time. 122 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,260 Whoa! Whoa! Katie, I was pissing about! 123 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,460 -What are you playing at? -Oh, I'm not playing. 124 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:04,740 I look at the way that you ignore customers in need. 125 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,140 The way you help yourself to stock. 126 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,420 The way you ingest the contents of your nose. 127 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:11,460 And I'm not gonna lie, Colin, it's hot. 128 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,300 No! Shhh! 129 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,020 No! This... You crossed the line there, Katie. 130 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:18,700 -No. -Yes, you need to take a look at yourself. 131 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:22,520 Because this, this right here is sexual harassment. Believe me, I should know. 132 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,180 -Mum! -Tito! 133 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:31,300 -It's Gavin now, remember? -Oh, of course! 134 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,260 Oh! (SHE LAUGHS) 135 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:36,260 I can't believe it. What you doing here? 136 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,300 I thought you couldn't make it until the wedding. 137 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:41,300 I wanted to make sure that you weren't marrying another buffalo, 138 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,340 like what's-her-name. May she rest in peace. 139 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:47,060 But look at Cheryl here. 140 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:51,300 Smart and funny, and get a load of those bangers. 141 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:54,500 -Are they real, Chez? -They sure are! 142 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,780 Amazing! Can I feel them? 143 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,020 OK! 144 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,540 (LAUGHTER) 145 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,340 She always does this. 146 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,700 Great. I really should be scooting off now. 147 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,900 But I'll pop back later, anyway, so, er... 148 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:11,180 I just curtsied at you again. I don't know why. I'm sorry. 149 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:14,900 It's lovely to see you. Well, can I give you the tour? 150 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,820 -Tour of what? -Of Valco. 151 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,300 -What's a Valco? -You're standing in it. 152 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,620 You want to give me a tour of a supermarket? 153 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,220 It's not just any supermarket, is it? It's, you know... 154 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:26,180 my supermarket. 155 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,280 Yaay! 156 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,660 Well, this is fruit and veg. Here we are. 157 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:34,680 -Bye, Tito! -(LAUGHS) 158 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,260 -Plasters? -Yep. 159 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,780 -Pro-Plus? -Get 'em. 160 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:41,860 -Prophylactics? -Preference? 161 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,140 Plain. I'm not in Cirque du Soleil. 162 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,300 Are you having an alphabet raffle, Donna? 163 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:50,100 Ah, no, Margaret, they're supplies for my dirty weekend. 164 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,420 I abstain for 363 days, 165 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,540 then let it all out in one big splurge. 166 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,340 -Oh, my Alan does that. -No! 167 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,820 -Yeah, he does. Just like that Sting fella. -Mercy! 168 00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:04,780 -Oh, he gets so moody in the weeks leading up to it. -As do I. 169 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:08,300 Oh, but his happy little face when he realises he's going to get some. 170 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,620 I genuinely sing when I get mine. 171 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,340 I say to him, "Alan, if you're that desperate for a cigarette, 172 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:16,260 -well, just have one." -(HE WHIMPERS) 173 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:18,260 -Have you forgotten about Linda yet? -No. 174 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,260 -Have you forgotten about Linda yet? -Still no. 175 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,980 -It actually reminds me of her. -What that bit? 176 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:26,580 And, er, here are two of my finest employees. 177 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,140 Colin and Neville. How's it goin', guys? 178 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:32,260 I'm just slapping some sense into Neville at the minute, Gav. 179 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:35,380 -Trying to get him to forget about Linda. -He's a very selfless friend. 180 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:39,060 Best way to get back at someone, shag her best mate. 181 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,540 Oh, I'm not so sure that's a good idea. 182 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:45,620 Er, yeah, you know, Colin and Nev, they're my mates, but work for me. 183 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,700 But I'm a pretty cool boss, Mum, so... 184 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,980 -I'm not your mate. We're not mates. -Not really. 185 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,340 Wait, wait. No, no, no. What? So you're his mum? 186 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,820 Oh, come on! What was he adopted? 187 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,580 Come and whisper in my ear if he doesn't know yet. 188 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:00,580 No, it was definitely my vagina. 189 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:03,740 Thank God, he's always had a tiny head. 190 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:07,100 -I haven't got a tiny head! -Take after his dad, does he? 191 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,180 You tell me who his dad is and I'll tell you who he takes after! 192 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:11,620 Oh! 193 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,300 Bit of a Mamma Mia situation 194 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:17,900 -with the old dad there, so... -Neville, cancel all appointments. 195 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,540 I've got some serious piss-taking to do. 196 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,300 Um, Brian, do you have anything to calm nerves? 197 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,540 -Got another date, Heather? -No. 198 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,300 Reverend Giles has cooled it again. So boring. 199 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,380 -No, it's these appraisals. -Pah! 200 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:34,700 -You're not nervous? -Nervous? Have I perfected the power handshake? Check! 201 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:38,020 Am I wearing red to intimidate my opponent? 202 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:41,300 Yes! Am I in the zone and ready to negotiate? 203 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:44,140 -Check, yes! -Negotiate? 204 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:46,300 What for? I thought it was just a chat. 205 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:50,020 Life is negotiation, Heather. For example. 206 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,060 Take these batteries. 207 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,900 Now, I'm going to do everything I can 208 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,780 to persuade you to give them to me, but you mustn't. 209 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,880 Understood? 210 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:02,580 Heather... 211 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:05,420 -Give me the batteries. -OK. 212 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,100 -I'll sleep with you. -What? No! 213 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:11,340 -Sorry! -Let's try again, Heather. 214 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,440 OK. 215 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,060 I won't sleep with you. 216 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:19,840 -No, Heather... -Oh, just take the batteries and get out of my life, you bastard! 217 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:23,900 -Oh! -(LAUGHTER) 218 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,180 Who's this then? Your tiny, tiny daughter? 219 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,980 No! That's Gavin. 220 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:33,660 He had the most beautiful, long, ginger hair. 221 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,700 Spoiler alert. 222 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:39,060 I secretly wanted a girl. There he is in a dress. 223 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,020 (LAUGHTER) 224 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,420 -That's fookin' brilliant. -Look at him! 225 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,460 Look at you! 226 00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:50,820 You won't believe it, but Gavin was a very angry little boy. 227 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,860 Grrr! I forgot my water. 228 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,940 So I took him to a psychologist 229 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,500 who taught him this coping mechanism. 230 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,300 Oh, Lord of the Dance! 231 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,100 Ah, he still does it! 232 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,220 Tell us more about Gavin's massive failures. 233 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:07,060 -Did he tell you about sports day? -No. Let me record this. 234 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,700 So he always wanted to win the long jump. 235 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,620 -But he was hopeless at it. -Leave it, Mum. 236 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:16,660 -So he trained and he trained. -Please, Mum! 237 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,740 -Then do you know what happened? -She didn't turn up. 238 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:23,380 -He was so cross. -Everybody else's mum was there. 239 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:27,460 -I just really wasn't into it. -So, Gav, where did you come in the little... 240 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:29,620 -I came fifth. -Out of five. 241 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,880 -Oh, he came last! -(LAUGHTER) 242 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:34,660 Look at him! 243 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:36,960 -(LAUGHTER) -Oh! 244 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,240 I'm terribly sorry. 245 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:43,780 Katie! 246 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:45,900 Good to see you. 247 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,740 Aw! Ow! 248 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,100 -Just come in. -After you. 249 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:52,200 I'm already in the room, Brian. 250 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,400 OK. 251 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,900 -Brian, what are you doing? -I have a... 252 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,500 preferred height I like to sit at. 253 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,600 OK. 254 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,880 Yep, that's it. 255 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:23,780 OK. So we've had great feedback from the customers 256 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,060 about the service that they get at the pharmacy. 257 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:30,940 Excellent. It helps to "pay" attention to people's needs 258 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:34,220 and "rise" to the occasion when necessary. 259 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,660 {\an1}Absolutely. So me and Gavin were discussing a pay rise. 260 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:39,060 Oh! 261 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:41,500 That was almost too easy. 262 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:45,340 Oh, Katie, I played you like a glockenspiel. 263 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:49,220 Came in here for a pay rise and you caved immediately. 264 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:52,700 -God, I'm good! -What I was about to say, Brian, 265 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,700 was that we can't authorise a pay rise for you at this time. 266 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,220 Yeah. What? 267 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,100 She was too young and I was too old. 268 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:04,180 Well, you know what they say. The older the berry, 269 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,100 the sweeter the juice. 270 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,140 Very hard, isn't it? 271 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:12,460 -Do you need a hug? -Mum! Mum! 272 00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,980 -Can I have a word, please? -Can it wait? 273 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,140 Just getting to know Nigel here. 274 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:20,100 -Neville. -No, follow me, please. 275 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,200 Oh! 276 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,620 Oh, damn it! 277 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,500 Everything alright? 278 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,420 {\an3}Code purple, Margaret. A big bang associate's cancelled. 279 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,180 -Picked up an STI. -Oh, dear. 280 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:36,860 -Oh, my Alan had an STI once. -Oh, for God's sake! 281 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,100 He never even told me until I saw it one day. 282 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,980 -Oh, bastard. -Oh, big red thing it was. 283 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,420 -Oh, it looked horrible. -What did you do? 284 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:49,180 Well, I told him. I said, "You take that sports car back to where you got it. 285 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:52,980 -We'll not speak of it again." -I think that's a GTI, Margaret. 286 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:56,900 -Oh, but what's an STI? -♪ La, la, la, la, la. ♪ 287 00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,540 Oh, hello, Dr Brian. How did you appraisal go? 288 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,140 Not good, Margaret,. The odds were stacked against me. 289 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:07,700 {\an1}My appraisal was right after lunch. No one's ever secured a pay rise right after lunch. 290 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:13,660 -It's a carb hole. -Why don't you try just asking nicely for it? 291 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,860 Ask nicely? 292 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,780 I could ask very nicely. 293 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:21,900 Hi, Moira. Are you and Barry free this weekend? 294 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,860 Oh, tits! Never mind. 295 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,100 Right. 296 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:29,740 {\an3}I think that was really quite unfair of you earlier on, Mum. 297 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,380 I'm sorry. 298 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:32,860 -Really? -Of course. 299 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,540 We're like chalk and cheese, you and I. 300 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,460 We always have been. 301 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:41,220 But I love all those boring little things you're into. 302 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:44,000 Stationary, supermarkets. 303 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,900 Et cetera. And I'm sorry if that's not always clear. 304 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,280 -Really? -Really. 305 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,280 Mum, thanks. 306 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,760 Thanks, Mum! 307 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,440 Can I have some money? 308 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,740 -What? -Well, I need some cash. 309 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:05,980 Oh. Well, how much? 310 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:09,420 Oh, er, a few thousand. Ten. 311 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,520 Ten thousand?! 312 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,580 -What's it for this time? -The same. 313 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,680 I'm broke. 314 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,120 I'm not bailing you out this time. 315 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,020 Right. 316 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,060 Well, thank you very much. 317 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,400 Good to know where your priorities are. 318 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,560 What a disappointment. 319 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,980 Hiya. It's Big D. Are the rugby team playing at home this weekend? 320 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,420 Well, how far away? 321 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:45,860 (SIGHS) 322 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,280 -(KNOCK ON DOOR) -Come in. 323 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:53,420 Oh, you didn't have to dress for the occasion, Shai, although you do look very smart. 324 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:56,620 Dress for the appraisal you want, not the appraisal you have. 325 00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:58,940 Take a seat. 326 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,580 Thanks, Katie, for this opportunity. 327 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,820 Oh, it's just a standard HR requirement. 328 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,500 Standard HR! 329 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,700 OK, well, let's start with a nice one. 330 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,620 -What would you say is your biggest strength? -Sensitivity. 331 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,860 -Really? -Yeah. Because the other day when you came in, 332 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,580 I pointed out how tired you looked. 333 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,500 And you said, "Wow, Shai, thanks!" 334 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,540 And that was a really great day for me. 335 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,500 Cos you did, you looked really tired. 336 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,600 You looked really tired and really, really rough as well. 337 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,180 Oh! 338 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,360 It's not gone well? 339 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,740 -You know, she asked for money. -Oh! 340 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,020 I should have guessed, really. 341 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,920 Valco chicken with egg. Hmm? 342 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,620 -Discontinued through lack of sales. -Well... 343 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,580 -It was rank. -Yes. It shouldn't be though. 344 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,480 I mean, eggs come from chickens, don't they? They should go together, right? 345 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:55,020 But we don't, do we? Not always. 346 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:58,580 No, love, we don't, but that's not the egg's fault. 347 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,260 I mean, sometimes the chicken is just, well... 348 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,360 a bit of a cock. 349 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:08,780 {\an3}But that doesn't mean that the egg isn't perfect and lovely. 350 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,120 And I really want to marry it. 351 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:16,540 So I don't mind giving Lillian some of our money, if it gets her out of your hair. 352 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,920 Oh! Oh, thank you, my love. 353 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:24,200 But it is not the money, is it? It's the principle. 354 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,080 -Where is she now? -Who knows? 355 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,920 Whenever she's in a bad mood... 356 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,340 Oh, God! 357 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,940 Come on then, Nigel, relax! 358 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,100 I am relaxed. It's actually Neville. 359 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,540 -I don't care who it is. -Strong and stable! 360 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:46,140 (COLIN) Oh, yes! Oh, Neville! You legend! 361 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:49,500 I'm so terribly sorry. I'm terribly, terribly sorry. 362 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:53,100 Right, she's coming. Watch me beg, Margaret. 363 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,420 Go on, Dr Brian, grovel! 364 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,060 {\an3}Have either of you seen Heather? She's run out of her appraisal. 365 00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,780 I only asked her to take a seat. 366 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:01,900 Oh, sorry, no, not seen her. 367 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,020 -I'm really, really sorry. -OK. 368 00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:08,060 Er, Katie, um... I really respect you, so I was wondering 369 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:12,140 if you'd sort of reconsider my pay rise. God, you're pretty. 370 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,900 OK, that's weird. I'm sorry, Brian, the answer's still a no. 371 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,380 OK, cool, cool. It's just that, um... 372 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:22,540 I'm desperate, like really desperate. 373 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,180 Please! I'll do anything! 374 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:28,620 -Oh, Katie! I need the money! -Brian, Brian, get up! 375 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,860 I'm a pathetic mess of a man. 376 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,740 -Please, Katie! (SOBS) -Brian, get up. 377 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:36,940 OK! I will have a word with Gavin, just get up and stop begging! 378 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,540 (BRIAN SOBS) 379 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:40,300 And THAT, Margaret, 380 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,220 is how you secure a pay rise. 381 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:44,460 Yes!! (CHUCKLES) 382 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,900 I am so sorry, Gavin. If it helps, 383 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,740 I was thinking of Linda the whole time. 384 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,100 I don't need to know what you were thinking, thank you! 385 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,180 Now, you're generally a very reliable member of staff, 386 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:55,940 so I'll let you go with a verbal warning. 387 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,900 So, am I on a disciplinary too? 388 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,000 No. 389 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,660 Here's your money. It's what you came for. 390 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:09,020 But I don't want to see you at our wedding. I wish you well. 391 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:12,560 But this is the end for you and me, Mum. 392 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:18,020 Attention, attention. Please come to the security desk 393 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:22,300 if you are a man between the ages of 18 and 73, 394 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,540 and free this weekend. 395 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:28,320 This weekend. Thank you. Bing-bong! 396 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,780 Heather? What on earth are you doing? 397 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,300 Please don't make me do my appraisal, Gavin. I'll get it all wrong. 398 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:45,500 Hell's teeth, Heather! There's no need to feel like that. 399 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,860 D'you know what? If you'd had gone to your appraisal, 400 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,540 you'd have heard what a brilliant job you're doing 401 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:55,020 {\an1}and how we think you could go really, really far at Valco. 402 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:58,660 -You think I could be a manager? -More like tills. 403 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:02,060 -Come on, out you come. -He's good, isn't he? 404 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,540 Mmm. 405 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,380 I know he's not the son you expected, 406 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,820 but he's strong and dependable and lovely, and I love him, 407 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,140 just like everybody else here does. 408 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:15,260 -We're like... -Don't say the F-word. I will puke. 409 00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:17,420 Family. 410 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,380 -We're like family. -Thanks, Gavin. Can I have a hug? 411 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:23,460 Er, yeah, I'm sure... Yeah. 412 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:27,740 OK, better be on my way. Leave you and the Waltons to it. 413 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,180 -You're not going to say goodbye? -No. 414 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:33,940 I think my big mouth has done enough damage for one day. 415 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:35,780 Heather... 416 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:37,540 Mmm? Yes? 417 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,000 -Are you smelling me? -Yes. 418 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:44,500 -What a shit day! -Oh, tell me about it. 419 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,780 {\an3}Ah, yeah. Heard all about your tumble with Gavin's old dear. 420 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,820 -Ah, right. -You know what? 421 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:54,020 I think I might just have the solution to your blues 422 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:57,540 -and my massive horn. -I'm sorry? 423 00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,660 How are you fixed for the next 48 hours? 424 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,020 Oh, well, I was planning on 425 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:05,540 seeing my kids this weekend, albeit from a mutually agreed distance. 426 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,460 -That can wait. Come on, you. -Oh, no... 427 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,580 Ah! Bb-bb-bb-bb! 428 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,680 Shhh! 429 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,600 Oh. 430 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:19,500 I'm sorry but we might have to scale back the wedding now. 431 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,380 -I'd better call Fleetwood Mick. -Gavin, this was left for you. 432 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:24,480 Oh, thanks, Sue. 433 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:27,540 What is it? 434 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:30,200 It's the cheque you wrote. 435 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:41,840 "Hope you'll still have me at the wedding, your proud mum." 436 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,000 Oh, Gavin. 437 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,120 Maybe the chicken and the egg can go together? 438 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,400 No, it really was disgusting.