1
00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:03,460
-Valco!
-Serves you right.

2
00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:05,580
-I've prepared something.
-It's OK!

3
00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:08,980
-Can she just stop that?
-Don't forget our brilliant...

4
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:11,300
-From booze to biscuits!
-Red-hot deals.

5
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:14,820
-Loads of two-for-ones.
-The finest butchers,
the freshest meat.

6
00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:19,380
-Now 24 hours a day.
-Service with a smile.

7
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:21,340
Friendly staff
always happy to help.

8
00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:24,080
-Roger that.
-Tick!

9
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:26,620
Am I getting paid for this?

10
00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:29,120
Valco, serves you right!

11
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,300
You know, I'm just glad
that I could be of help.

12
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,100
And thank you, thank you
for shopping at Valco's.

13
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,300
Oh, I'm impressed.
You've stopped saying Morrisons.

14
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:41,260
Yeah, it's new Lou.

15
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,700
(SCOTTISH ACCENT) Yeah, she's
professional. She gets results.

16
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,420
She actually comes to work,
instead of scraping in.

17
00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:49,980
Well done, Lou. That's...
that's a huge step.

18
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,820
-Do you think the figures
will be in yet?
-Should be any minute.

19
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:55,380
Got to be better than last week.
Surely, surely, surely!

20
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,300
Well, let's hope so
with this new Lou in charge.

21
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,020
Who?

22
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:00,900
That is liver.

23
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,660
Oh, it's so squidgy!

24
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:05,300
And that is rump.

25
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:08,820
I think I've had my hands
on enough rump this week.

26
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:10,620
(COLIN LAUGHS) OK, mousy!

27
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:13,700
Absolutely, Colin.
Sorry, may I?

28
00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,580
Oh! (GIGGLES)

29
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:16,900
Out!

30
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,300
Sorry, Colin.

31
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:21,720
Colin all cars.
Colin all cars.

32
00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,140
-I think I'll get on
with the old shopping.
-I shall see you in a mo.

33
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:28,500
Not if I see you in a mo first.

34
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,140
Oh! (GIGGLES)

35
00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:31,980
-Static shock.
-Or a love shock.

36
00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:33,220
-Go!
-Ah! OK.

37
00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:34,400
-Gah!
-Sorry. Yes, Colin.

38
00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:41,580
You're late.
What happened to the protocol?

39
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:43,820
I don't like wearing 'em.

40
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:46,780
No, the lateness protocol.
If you're running late,

41
00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:51,500
you're supposed to text me
and say, "The sugar in Rio
is very sweet."

42
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:55,420
-We discussed this.
-Why can't I just say I'm late?

43
00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,540
Because it could be intercepted.

44
00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:01,220
Boots could be poaching our
customers. They're very devious.

45
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:05,580
Well, I like Boots. They were
great with me this morning.

46
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,260
You went to another pharmacy?

47
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:12,940
They've got this nice little
room what you can go in
and tell 'em all your problems.

48
00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:16,500
A consultation room?
Margaret, they're a fad!

49
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,420
Yeah, but we don't go to church
as much nowadays.

50
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:22,700
And, you know, I like to get
things off my chest.

51
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,820
Hold up, are you going there
for confession?

52
00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:27,880
Well, what else are they for?

53
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,460
Well, you seem
in a bad mood today.

54
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,580
Lisa's not slept with
your Uncle Sean again, has she?

55
00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,580
It was a wake, Nev.
Emotions were high.

56
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:40,460
-Right.
-Do you know what, Neville?
I've forgiven Lis.

57
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,940
But I'm a little pissed off
with you, mate. Been left
on my own all week

58
00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,380
to look after the deli
and the meat counter.

59
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,940
He's had to actually do work.
You know how much that
annoys him.

60
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,780
Work my bollocks off, mate!
Literally!

61
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,300
One of my plums has changed
shape due to the strain.

62
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,020
In my defence,
I have had the Norovirus.

63
00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:01,700
Full disclosure, Meg and I
both had it after she
cooked for me last week.

64
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,620
And what, it'd have killed
you to stick a nappy on
and come to work, Nev?

65
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,340
It was lovely, actually. We
spent the whole week together

66
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,180
and we just talked.
Don't you two ever just talk?

67
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,380
Oh, yeah! We just talk.

68
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,620
You know, like, in between
reading books and going
to art museums.

69
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,700
I think you mean galleries.

70
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,700
We did try just talking once,
but it was weird.

71
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:24,420
Like, "Oh, hello. How are you?"
"Oh, yes, fine
thank you very much."

72
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,380
Yeah, so we just
quit the chat and bang!

73
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:29,980
Meg and I really got
to know each other.

74
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,020
You know, in between
toilet visits.

75
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:34,060
So many visits.

76
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,180
Still, she's a real cracker,
isn't she?

77
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,860
I don't care, Neville!!

78
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:43,420
OK? So why don't you
shut up about Meg
and get back to work, man?

79
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:47,060
Oh, it's just yadda, yadda,
yadda! "Meg, Meg, Meg"!

80
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:51,020
♪ Megan is lovely.
Lovely Megan.

81
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,900
-♪ A tissue, a tissue. ♪
-Ow!

82
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,980
OK, so, last night's
takings are...

83
00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:58,320
Drumroll.

84
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:01,700
-Oh?
-What? They're not up.

85
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,240
I'm afraid not, no.

86
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,820
Oh, wait. You're doing
that X Factor thing,

87
00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,960
where you say,
"Oh, the figures are down!"

88
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,380
And they're actually up
and you're through
to the Judges' Houses.

89
00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:16,780
I'm so sorry, Lou...
but they're very clear.

90
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:21,240
-That's a picture of a bookcase.
-Oh, sorry,
that's my screensaver.

91
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,980
OK, so new Lou is exactly
as rubbish as old Lou?

92
00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:31,620
"Oh, nice one, new Lou."
"Oh, shout up, old Lou,
you bag of sick!"

93
00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:35,900
Lou, listen, when you fall off
a horse, you have to get
straight back on again.

94
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,180
It's great advice, Gavin,
but do you see any horses
around here?

95
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:43,060
I'm sorry, I just...
I just... I need to be alone.

96
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:45,100
Of course...

97
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,300
Sorry, this is my office.

98
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,000
Fine.

99
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:58,940
♪ Neville is lovely.
Lovely, lovely, Neville. ♪

100
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:02,700
Gavin, I need more resources.
The pharmacy's being
left behind.

101
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:06,980
Oh, Brian, if this is about
the Valco ambulance, I've told
you a thousand times, no.

102
00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:11,780
No, I need a consultation room.
All the other pharmacies have
them and they're laughing at us.

103
00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:15,300
Boots, Superdrug, Lloyds,
all rolling round on the floor

104
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:19,660
-laughing at me, you and Valco.
-OK, fine, do it today.

105
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:21,940
And you can just f...
Sorry, What?

106
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:25,300
Just trial it today
and if it runs smoothly,
then I'll allow it.

107
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:29,780
Really? I didn't think
you'd give in so easily.

108
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:34,340
I was going to chain myself
to your desk until you gave in.

109
00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:35,980
But... Oh, well.

110
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:40,220
Morning, ladies.
Linda. Su-be-do-bee-do!

111
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:42,740
Hey, Nev, I saw you in here
the other day with a woman.

112
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:46,660
Ah, the lovely Meg. Yes,
we popped in to stock up
on Immodium.

113
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,660
She seems to have put
a spring in your step.

114
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,660
Any more of a spring,
I'd turn into a pogo stick.

115
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,940
She's cooking me a romantic
meal tonight. White rice.

116
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:58,300
-Rice?
-Well, our stomachs
haven't quite settled yet.

117
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,980
Nor, truth be told,
have our hearts.

118
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,100
Anyway, I can't stop and chat.
Boing! (LAUGHS)

119
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,140
Ah, it's nice to
see Nev happy again.

120
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,860
-Yeah.
-And he's not bothering
about you all the time now.

121
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,620
I actually think he's happier
than he was with you.

122
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,580
-Good.
-It's nice that she's cooking
him a romantic meal too.

123
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:19,900
-Treating him well.
-Yeah, well. Me and Craig are
actually dead romantic too.

124
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,580
-Alright, babes.
-Hey, you. How about I cook us
a nice romantic meal tonight?

125
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:25,660
Nah, it's leg day.
So I'll be knackered.

126
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,380
Oh, go on.
I'll make it really special.

127
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,500
Yeah, alright.

128
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:33,580
But it needs to be all protein
for my recovery.

129
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,820
So don't try anything fancy.
You know how rubbish
you are at that stuff.

130
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,600
Ah! Romantic.

131
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,820
A peach tie!

132
00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:47,020
I thought we were
having a wedding,
not going to Mardi Gras.

133
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,380
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
Your face!

134
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:50,820
Oh!

135
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,660
You trickster!

136
00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,660
Can you imagine me
in that tie?

137
00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,700
-Yeah. Mad!
-I'd look like Liberace.

138
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,500
(CHERYL LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)

139
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:06,020
Oh! I'm offski to head offski.

140
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:10,940
Mwah! They want to catch up
on all things 24-hour Valco.

141
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:14,180
Can you just tell them
that Lou is trying really hard?

142
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:15,940
Yes, alright.

143
00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:18,420
-Bye!
-Mmm.

144
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:21,060
So you've not come clean
about Lou yet, have you?

145
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,020
I probably won't have to.

146
00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,020
I think Lou's really
turning a corner.

147
00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,220
Why is there a Kit Kat in here?

148
00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:29,220
And a Kinder Egg?

149
00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:30,740
Yeah, admittedly, that is Lou,

150
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:32,500
but we all have our
little mishaps.

151
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,700
Like nearly burning
the shop down?

152
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,860
Look, I like Lou,
but she's absolutely useless.

153
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,020
I know. What was I thinking
in the first place?

154
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,820
Hiring the worst possible
night manager

155
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:45,000
-so the Valco 24 would fail!
-(COFFEE CUP SMASHES)

156
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,520
I'm not Lou.

157
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,860
-Duh-duh!
-It is looking great back there.

158
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:56,820
It's like a proper
doctor's surgery.

159
00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:59,640
Albeit crammed into a three-foot
by three-foot dispensary
cupboard.

160
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,660
-Can I have an appointment?
-Mmm!

161
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:07,580
(COUGHS) Strictly speaking,
madam, I can't make
appointments.

162
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,740
You'll need to speak
to my assistant, Margaret.

163
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:10,960
Oh!

164
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,460
-Can I have an appointment?
-Oh, er...

165
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:19,060
Ah, we happen to have
one available now.

166
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,780
If you'd like to step
this way, please, madam?

167
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,700
-Margaret, hold my calls.
-What does that mean?

168
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,860
It's what doctors say.
No seriously though,

169
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:28,680
if it does ring, just answer it
and take a message.

170
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:34,020
-(PHONE RINGS)
-Oh! Er...

171
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,300
(PHONE RINGS)

172
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,720
Hello. Doctor phone.

173
00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,780
-Lou, I'm sorry you heard
what I said, but...
-Gavin.

174
00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:49,420
Stop. Before you go any further
I'd like to say my piece.

175
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:53,860
I've written it down, so it
doesn't come out all angry
and unplanned.

176
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:58,620
"You're a twat, Gavin Strong!
You're a big twatty arse

177
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,500
with stupid..."
Can't read my writing.

178
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,680
-Does that say "toast"?
-I get the picture.

179
00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,540
Please, just let me explain.

180
00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:10,380
Explain what?
That I'm an idiot?

181
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:13,420
No, you're not an idiot.
You do realise you're
drinking bubble bath?

182
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:14,560
Yeah.

183
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,380
Cards on the table.

184
00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:21,180
I did hire you because you
were the worst candidate.

185
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:23,060
What?! What?!

186
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:26,300
But...you've got
the most important thing

187
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,580
that any member
of my staff needs.

188
00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:31,420
-A car.
-You're a trier.

189
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,540
You don't let constant failure
get you down.

190
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,420
You get knocked down,
you get up again.

191
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,100
There's nothing
gonna keep me down!

192
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:39,860
(BOTH) Chumbawamba!

193
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,500
Now, I need you to keep trying.

194
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,780
I need you to stop
drinking bubble bath.

195
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,940
Now, come on,
it tastes really nice.

196
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,600
I'm surprised there aren't
more pine-flavoured drinks.

197
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:53,420
You're under-trained.

198
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:57,020
And that's my fault.
And that ends today!

199
00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:00,540
I'm going to work you harder
than you've ever worked before.

200
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:03,020
We're going to turn those
failing figures around!

201
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,580
I'm going to make you...

202
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:09,820
a capable supermarket
night manager. Are you with me?

203
00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:12,980
-Vrooom! Vroom-vroom-vroom!
-Does that mean "yes"?

204
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,280
-Yes!
-Yes! Come on!

205
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,860
Neville, this might sound mad.

206
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:24,100
You fancy Neville.
Everything that comes out
of your mouth sounds mad.

207
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,740
Oh. I know it's probably
too soon, but...

208
00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:33,220
Um... How would you feel
about going away for
a weekend together?

209
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,740
-I'd love that. How romantic.
-How shit!

210
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:39,540
Oh, come on, Colin, doesn't Lisa
ever let you take her
anywhere special?

211
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,820
Do you really want me
to answer that, Nev? (WHISTLES)

212
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:46,780
-Fair point.
-Can I get ten chicken thighs,

213
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,280
two sirloin steaks
and some turkey breasts?

214
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,060
-Cooking for Craig tonight.
-Ah.

215
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:58,700
-Right, is Craig a fucking lion?
-Well, lucky Craig, is all
I can say.

216
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:02,420
On the few occasions Linda
cooked for me, it was
absolutely smashing.

217
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:04,660
-(COUGHS)
-Oh, where are my manners?

218
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,580
-Meg, this is Linda.
-Oh, you're Linda?

219
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:10,380
I've heard so much about you.
You're absolutely beautiful.

220
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:11,780
Yeah.

221
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,100
I have to thank you, Linda.

222
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:16,500
For putting this one
back on the shelf.

223
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,820
Oh, no, she chucked him back!
She almost broke him.

224
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:23,020
It's a good job she did
or I'd have never have met
my little Renault Megan.

225
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:24,980
-Beep-beep!
-(MEG AND NEV LAUGH)

226
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,620
Neville is such a romantic,
isn't he?

227
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,620
He's always buying me
little presents.

228
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:32,860
Sorry, can't remember your name.
Got to get this. It's Craig.

229
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,820
Hello. Aah!

230
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,700
Babes! That's so sweet.

231
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,140
He just called to say
that he loved me.

232
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,420
-(NEV AND MEG) Aah!
-Now he's singing me a song.

233
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,740
-Baaaah!
-Babes...

234
00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:47,620
<i>Also can you pick me up</i>
<i>Men's Health and drop it</i>
<i>round my mum's?</i>

235
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,340
-Oh! (LAUGHS)
-Shit! Shit!

236
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:55,300
I will do my best, Gavin, but
can you really teach someone
to be a night manager in a day?

237
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:56,820
It's not that hard a job.

238
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,300
I was reading in Retail Monthly

239
00:11:58,400 --> 00:11:59,780
about a supermarket
in the Netherlands

240
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:02,020
that's actually run
by an iPhone.

241
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,860
I'm no iPhone, Gavin. You cannot
expect that level from me.

242
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:08,260
Well, listen, let's start
with the tills. What do you see?

243
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,860
I see...I see people shopping.
I see stuff.

244
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,820
Supermarket stuff. I see a new
Grazia. I see electrical items.

245
00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:18,180
-Cuddly toy...
-What I see is
the nerve centre of retail.

246
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:21,980
If this area isn't run well,
the rest of the store
doesn't work.

247
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:23,940
The queues, they get longer
and people, they just leave.

248
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,000
Yeah, that is happening
a lot on the night shift.

249
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,940
-Yeah?
-Well, let's just check
the variables now, shall we?

250
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,940
-So everything's fine, right?
-Right.

251
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:33,900
Wrong! Why? Because Karen,
look at her.

252
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,180
She's looking at her watch.
Why? Well, because...

253
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:37,820
she's due a break
and so is Carl.

254
00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,020
But if they both go,
we're two tills down.

255
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:43,020
Have your replacements ready.
Stagger your breaks.

256
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:46,620
Yeah. Or...we could ask
that lady there

257
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,740
to open her till closed sign.

258
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,220
She is just sitting there
doing widdly squish.

259
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,780
Yeah, let's not run before we
can walk. It takes many months

260
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,900
before a manager can feel
able to deal with Lisa.

261
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,780
And, truth be told,
I sometimes struggle.

262
00:12:57,880 --> 00:12:59,820
What you looking at?

263
00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:02,540
Do you want me to come over
and give you something to
look at!?

264
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:06,500
Sorry, Lisa! Just, um...
Just don't make any eye
contact. Walk away, walk away.

265
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:08,580
She is terrifying.

266
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:12,900
I'm sure he would love help
with making a claim.

267
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,140
Yeah, well, his name
is Dr Brian Fulton

268
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:19,660
-and his address is...
-Like I say, it's probably
just a neck strain,

269
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:23,020
but I wouldn't be doing my job
if I didn't tell you that
it could be dengue fever.

270
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,500
So, try the pain killers
and icing the neck.

271
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,660
If that doesn't work, come back
and we'll do some blood tests.

272
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,340
-Thank you very much. Bye!
-Who was that?

273
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:34,460
-Your personal injury lawyers.
-Who?

274
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:38,340
-I'm here for a two o'clock
consultation.
-Step this way, please, sir.

275
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:41,300
-It's a bit delicate.
-Trust me, I'm a professional.

276
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,840
Great.

277
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:49,220
Colin's phoned in sick at the
last minute. It's the fourth
time this month.

278
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:51,100
-What do you do?
-I send him a card.

279
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,380
No, you tell him
he needs a doctor's note.

280
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,580
Neville is refusing to work
on the meat counter
for religious reasons.

281
00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,260
-Do you move him?
-No.

282
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,260
-Or...?
-Or maybe.

283
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:04,620
Right, Margaret has been
caught stealing from
the loading bay.

284
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,660
It's the third time.
What do you do?

285
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,740
I tell her,
"Margaret, you're fired!"

286
00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:13,860
-Yes, you got one right!
-Yes, well, it's been fun
working here!

287
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,860
No, Margaret, no, no, no.
I haven't fired you.
You're not fired.

288
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,980
-Oh! Okey-dokey! (LAUGHS)
-Gavin, I got one right.

289
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:23,660
-Yes.
-I got one right! I can do it!
You can do it, Lou! Come on!

290
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:26,860
-What's next?
-Right, aisle 12.
Tell me what's wrong?

291
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,620
Those need restocking.
That cage needs moving.

292
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:32,860
-That needs to go back
to the chiller aisle.
-Good, good!

293
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,380
My hair is looking
amazing today.

294
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,380
-Can you take a picture?
-Again?

295
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,980
Fine. Why don't we get one
with both of us?

296
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,740
Oh, do we have to?
Yeah, alright, fine.

297
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:44,840
Sue.

298
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,300
-There you go.
-Thanks.

299
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,820
Ah! It's nice.

300
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,260
What are doing?
Are you cropping me out?

301
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,180
I look better on my own.

302
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:02,100
It's funny. He treats you like
you used to treat Neville.

303
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,340
-No, he don't!
-Doesn't want to spend
any time together.

304
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,860
-Doesn't want any pictures
of you together.
-Yeah, well, it's different.

305
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:10,020
No, it isn't. You're the Neville
in the relationship.

306
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,140
No, I'm not, Sue.
I'm not the Neville.

307
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:16,260
-Ow! Oh, I've just cut myself.
-I'll get you a plaster, Nev.

308
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:17,960
I am not the Neville.

309
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:22,740
Oh, wait, I can't.
Neville's used them all.

310
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,620
I'd better pop down to the
pharmacy then, Sue-be-do.

311
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,700
Oh, God! I'm the Neville.

312
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:32,380
I know this one. We have to open
another till because it's nearly
school run time!

313
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:34,420
So, you put out a call
on the tannoy.

314
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,680
Or... No, you know what?
I'm going to ask Lisa.

315
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,140
Hey, Lisa! Can you open
your till, please?

316
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,840
Can I fuck!

317
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,320
Absolutely fair enough.

318
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,340
-I'm not ready.
-Don't worry. She's just
a terrifying woman.

319
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:55,820
Still, you've taken to the rest
of it brilliantly.

320
00:15:55,920 --> 00:16:01,140
-Oh!
-Cheryl, may I introduce to you
our all-new night manager.

321
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:04,380
The best in the region.
Lou Chettle.

322
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,220
At your service, your majesty.

323
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:11,500
Sorry. I've got to now go and
make a "tannoy announcement".

324
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:15,220
Listen, there's no need to...
Ow! Oh, God!

325
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:16,440
Oops.

326
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:19,420
I know she's had some
teething problems,

327
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,620
but I think that the braces
are finally off,

328
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:26,780
the milk teeth are gone
and Lou Chettle is chomping
her way to the top.

329
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,820
Gavin, she's a disaster
and head office feel the same.

330
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:31,940
I'm going to have to fire her.

331
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:36,300
No, you can't. I mean...
I mean, she's...she's dying.

332
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,420
Lou's dying?!

333
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:41,060
OK, look, she's not dying,
but she's really improved.

334
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:44,180
-Can't you get head office
to change their mind?
-Her figures are terrible.

335
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:47,060
-She almost burnt
down the store!
-We all have little hiccups.

336
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,900
I signed off an email this
morning with "Best Thanks"!

337
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,180
I'm sorry. Gavin, they've
already made up their minds.

338
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:56,320
Plus I haven't fired anyone
in ages and I love
a good firing.

339
00:16:57,320 --> 00:17:00,580
809-1106...

340
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,620
Last three is 149.

341
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:05,440
Okey-dokey. Bye.

342
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,740
-Have you ever seen
anything like it?
-No. No, I haven't.

343
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:15,020
Try the ointment.
If that doesn't clear it up,

344
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:17,220
just get it removed!

345
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:21,060
-Is that the embarrassing
bodies guy?
-Yeah.

346
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,860
Good, cos I've got something
wrong with my guts.

347
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,660
And it's had my missus
in the spare room all week.

348
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,720
You'll want a glove, mate.

349
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,920
-(KNOCK ON DOOR)
-Come in.

350
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:35,980
Oh!

351
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:37,520
OK, Cheryl...

352
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:42,500
I need to come clean. I've done
a terrible, terrible thing.

353
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,540
-WHO IS SHE?!!
-God, it's not a woman.

354
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:48,620
I'm sorry. I thought
you were having an affair.

355
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:51,000
No, no, it's about Lou.

356
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,980
She really doesn't deserve
to be fired.

357
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:57,100
Oh, Gavin, we've been over this
a million times.

358
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,780
-She's terrible at her job.
-Yes, I know.

359
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:02,340
And that's why I hired her.

360
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:05,380
-I wanted her to fail.
-Well, that doesn't make sense.

361
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,300
I didn't want Valco 24
to happen.

362
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,460
So I thought if I hired her,
she'd fail

363
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,520
and everything would go back
to normal.

364
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,180
Oh, Gavin.

365
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,900
I... You...
You lied to me.

366
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,060
-And poor Lou!
-I know.

367
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,540
I'm a cheat. I'm...

368
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:26,420
I'm Lance Armstrong.

369
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:29,900
Harming your own
store's figures?

370
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,660
Your own quarterlies?

371
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,340
Do you think I liked
hurting my own quarterlies?

372
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:37,140
I mean, we are supposed
to be man and wife soon!

373
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,140
-I feel like I don't know you.
-No, it's still me.

374
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,980
It's still little Gavin Strong.
I'm just trying to do
the right thing.

375
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:47,140
But, please,
please don't fire her.

376
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:50,980
It's too late now. It's done.
Are there any other secrets
I don't know about?

377
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:55,040
-Is our whole
relationship a lie?
-No. No, no, there's none.

378
00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,020
OK, I don't like cumin,
but that's the only one.

379
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:03,420
And I didn't tell you because
I know how much you love
making chilli.

380
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:07,660
I am going home, Gavin Strong.
I am going home...

381
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:12,800
to cook chilli for one and
it's going to be full of cumin.

382
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,820
Oh, Cheryl! Cheryl!

383
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:23,700
Brian. Brian,
I only wanted to see you
about my work ball strain.

384
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,660
But you're telling me there's
nothing normal going
on down there?

385
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,740
Nothing, nothing at all. Gavin!

386
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:31,980
We need to talk about
this consultation room.

387
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:35,860
Do you know what? Keep it.
Do whatever you like.

388
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:39,260
Brian, Brian, also me got
a problem round the back.

389
00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:43,780
Right, every single time I go
the bog, it's like a hot
Mr Whippy. Just flying out...

390
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,860
No! No consultation room.

391
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,780
-I can't go through that again.
-What about this morning?

392
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,620
I don't belong back there.
I should be out front.

393
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:56,860
-The face of the pharmacy.
-But you said Boots
were laughing at us.

394
00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,580
Well, let them laugh, Gavin!
Are you so insecure that you
can't handle that?

395
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,940
Anyway, they're mainly
laughing at you and Valco.

396
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:05,740
When they laugh at me,
it's with a grudging respect.

397
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,300
It's more of a cheer
than a laugh. Sort of
"whey-hey-hey-hey!"

398
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,020
Brian, fine.
Just... Get rid of it.

399
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:14,940
-Crab stick, anybody?
-Oooh!

400
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:18,660
There's no easy way to say
this, Craig, but it's
not working out, me and you.

401
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,660
-There's no spark there.
-Mmm.

402
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,900
Will you put the bloody
protein shake down?

403
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,140
-I'm trying to explain to you.
-You don't need to.
It's fine, honest.

404
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:30,020
See, I need to be treated
like a queen and you
never make time for me.

405
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:33,580
You don't want to be seen
with me and I just don't
think you're that into me.

406
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:37,380
If anyone's going to be like
that in a relationship,
it needs to be me. Sorry.

407
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,080
Fair enough.

408
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,120
Oh!

409
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,860
-What you doing?
-Just broke up with Craig.

410
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,900
-What? He's gorgeous.
-I had to.
I can't be the Neville.

411
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:54,380
-How did he take it?
-He was heartbroken.

412
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:59,540
I know this might be too soon,
but have you got any naked
pictures of him on your phone?

413
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,780
-I have, yeah.
-Go on, give us a look. Ooh!

414
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:06,100
What do you mean? "Would I like
to make another donation?"

415
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,740
Can you hold? Yep.

416
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:13,180
The date for my compensation
court case?

417
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,340
Bloody hell! You could
hang your umbrella on that!

418
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,860
-Massive, innit?
-(LAUGHTER)

419
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,820
-Lou, I'm so sorry.
-It's OK. It's
probably for the best.

420
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,860
-What's all that stuff
in the box?
-I cleared my desk.

421
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:28,500
Right. You haven't got a desk.
Is that my computer?!

422
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,220
Well, it's been emotional,
Gavin, I can't put it back now.

423
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,060
I need to go home, to explain
to the kids that being sacked

424
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,420
doesn't mean being put
in a sack.

425
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,560
It just means
not having any money.

426
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:45,560
Sorry again, Lou!

427
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,120
S...sorry!