1 00:00:27,180 --> 00:00:30,660 Good evening. It's nice to be with you again. On the show tonight, we've got a 2 00:00:30,660 --> 00:00:34,780 rather unusual snake charming act featuring the world's most mature 3 00:00:34,780 --> 00:00:38,860 snakes. The act is called Abdul and his load of old cobras. 4 00:00:40,380 --> 00:00:44,820 And we've got a bell ringer who will show you how to peel bells and a banana 5 00:00:44,820 --> 00:00:46,400 ringer who will show you how to peel bananas. 6 00:00:48,060 --> 00:00:50,260 But first, first the news. 7 00:00:50,849 --> 00:00:55,790 Answering complaints about the high cost of a new £90 ,000 public lavatory built 8 00:00:55,790 --> 00:00:59,990 recently in a Midlands town, a council spokesman said, it may sound a lot of 9 00:00:59,990 --> 00:01:03,790 money for a public toilet, but we can assure ratepayers that it'll be worth 10 00:01:03,790 --> 00:01:04,810 every penny spent. 11 00:01:07,830 --> 00:01:13,150 In the World Plumbing Championships in Oslo today, the Dutch entry was flooded, 12 00:01:13,350 --> 00:01:17,950 the Icelandic entry froze, and the Chinese entry was disqualified for 13 00:01:17,950 --> 00:01:18,950 from right to left. 14 00:01:21,370 --> 00:01:24,990 The British entry said that it would be round first thing in the morning. 15 00:01:27,930 --> 00:01:32,570 And now, news of some unfortunate incidents at a circus in York this 16 00:01:32,930 --> 00:01:36,490 The management took action against the human cannonball and fired him. 17 00:01:37,310 --> 00:01:39,650 They said his act was over the heads of the audience. 18 00:01:41,070 --> 00:01:44,590 And the police were called to the circus to arrest the whole of the Prague 19 00:01:44,590 --> 00:01:47,830 trampoline team after complaints that six checks had bounced. 20 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:55,320 In the ensuing confusion, the lion escaped and threw the whole circus into 21 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:59,040 panic. The strongest man in the world fainted, and the India rubber man 22 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:00,740 completely erased the tattooed lady. 23 00:02:03,260 --> 00:02:07,220 The thinnest man in the world had a narrow escape, and the bearded lady had 24 00:02:07,220 --> 00:02:08,220 close shave. 25 00:02:09,060 --> 00:02:12,720 And now a sketch, which we feel is one laugh from beginning to end. 26 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,140 But we're hoping for more. 27 00:02:23,180 --> 00:02:28,780 There is a message for Admiral the Compost Heap. Will Admiral the Compost 28 00:02:28,780 --> 00:02:30,040 please come to reception? 29 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:40,860 Was that Paul for you at all? 30 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:45,460 No, no, not my name. Was it for me? 31 00:02:46,910 --> 00:02:52,430 Message for Admiral Secompost Heap. Will Admiral Secompost Heap please come to 32 00:02:52,430 --> 00:02:53,430 reception? 33 00:02:57,850 --> 00:02:59,010 Practically six bells. 34 00:02:59,530 --> 00:03:03,070 I think I'll take a turn around the prom for you. 35 00:03:06,730 --> 00:03:08,250 Turn around the prom. 36 00:03:08,670 --> 00:03:11,130 Pull the other one. It's got six bells on it. 37 00:03:11,450 --> 00:03:14,090 That would Admiral Secompost Heap. 38 00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:18,530 No doubt about it. He was probably scared we were all going to laugh at his 39 00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:19,530 rather extraordinary name. 40 00:03:20,270 --> 00:03:23,770 As if we do a thing like that. I mean, it's not his fault he's called Compost 41 00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:24,770 Heap. 42 00:03:24,970 --> 00:03:27,930 It's his parents' fault for being called Compost Heap before him. 43 00:03:28,410 --> 00:03:31,010 I mean, a man called Compost shouldn't be a woman called Heap. 44 00:03:34,350 --> 00:03:36,790 It's not his fault, is it? It's not a thing we'd laugh at, is it? 45 00:03:37,090 --> 00:03:38,090 Compost Heap. 46 00:03:41,570 --> 00:03:42,810 Compost bloody Heap, eh? 47 00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:54,540 I used to know a girl, actually, called Angela Compost Heap. She was one 48 00:03:54,540 --> 00:03:58,720 of the Somerset Compost Heaps. There was a load of them down that way, yeah. 49 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,580 We have a telegram for Mr. Algernon Bedpan. 50 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,860 Will Mr. Algernon Bedpan please come to reception? 51 00:04:14,410 --> 00:04:16,290 Just nipping off to the gents. 52 00:04:19,190 --> 00:04:21,529 He's not going to the gents for his start -off. 53 00:04:21,730 --> 00:04:23,370 He is Algernon Bedpan. 54 00:04:24,170 --> 00:04:26,450 No need to go to the gents for a name like Bedpan. 55 00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:35,190 There's a young lady at reception asking for Archdeacon Rumpel. 56 00:04:35,910 --> 00:04:37,350 Archdeacon Rumpel, please. 57 00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:42,230 Oh, well, sitting here. 58 00:04:42,670 --> 00:04:44,470 Won't get the sermon written, will it? 59 00:04:45,190 --> 00:04:46,190 No. 60 00:04:51,710 --> 00:04:54,250 Rumpo by name and Rumpo by nature, eh? 61 00:04:56,870 --> 00:05:01,630 I used to take out a girl once, you know, called Virginia Rumpo. 62 00:05:02,170 --> 00:05:06,990 Very, very embarrassing. She eventually married a chappy called Henry Draws. 63 00:05:07,950 --> 00:05:10,890 And now she's called... Oh, don't tell me. I can see it coming. 64 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:13,760 Lady Fosgrave. Yes. 65 00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:20,840 We have an emergency call for Major Messer. 66 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,500 Major Messer, please. 67 00:05:24,620 --> 00:05:25,620 All right. 68 00:05:25,740 --> 00:05:26,740 All right. 69 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:30,600 I'm Major Messer. I'm not ashamed of it. What's in a name? 70 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:36,760 Messer be name and Messer be nature, eh? 71 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,760 Damn fine military name, Messer. 72 00:05:40,110 --> 00:05:42,650 The mess -ups of every British battle since Agincourt. 73 00:05:44,450 --> 00:05:45,870 I will, Mr. 74 00:05:46,090 --> 00:05:48,570 Cornelius Vanderpuff. Please come. 75 00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:50,350 Mr. 76 00:05:50,830 --> 00:05:52,150 Cornelius Vanderpuff. 77 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:58,530 I wonder who this was for. Who is this Vanderpuff? 78 00:06:02,330 --> 00:06:05,110 Well, off with the noggin, now I go. 79 00:06:07,370 --> 00:06:09,470 Cheery -bye, my fellow Englishmen. 80 00:06:14,010 --> 00:06:15,410 That's not an English mince. 81 00:06:16,030 --> 00:06:17,730 He's a Dutchman and I'm a poof. 82 00:06:19,730 --> 00:06:22,250 It's frankly awkward having embarrassing names, don't you think? 83 00:06:22,470 --> 00:06:23,510 I must be, must be, yes. 84 00:06:23,930 --> 00:06:28,390 I don't, um, don't actually think. I, uh, I caught your name. 85 00:06:28,610 --> 00:06:31,170 No. No, you wouldn't have. You wouldn't have. 86 00:06:31,470 --> 00:06:36,950 Will Mr. Ivor Big Nose please go to the kiosk where a message awaits him? 87 00:06:37,390 --> 00:06:38,390 calling Mr. 88 00:06:38,470 --> 00:06:39,650 Ivor Big Nose. 89 00:06:40,210 --> 00:06:45,670 Ivor Big Nose, that's your name. No, no, no, no, I'm not Ivor Big Nose. No, no, 90 00:06:45,670 --> 00:06:46,670 oh. 91 00:06:50,330 --> 00:06:54,610 I'm awfully, I'm awfully sorry, but I did think for a moment there that your 92 00:06:54,610 --> 00:06:59,150 name was Ivor Big Nose. Look, if I had a name like Ivor Big Nose, I wouldn't 93 00:06:59,150 --> 00:07:01,530 come to a place with a bloody loud speaker, would I? 94 00:07:02,050 --> 00:07:03,050 We have a... 95 00:07:04,350 --> 00:07:06,650 message for Alderman Fat Pimple. 96 00:07:07,270 --> 00:07:11,910 Will Alderman Fat Pimple please go to the foyer and meet Mrs. Fat Pimple? 97 00:07:20,350 --> 00:07:21,510 Well, I must be going then. 98 00:07:21,970 --> 00:07:25,010 Nice to have met you, Mr. Fat Pimple. I mustn't keep Mrs. Fat Pimple waiting or 99 00:07:25,010 --> 00:07:27,830 all the little fatty, wacky pimples. Look, I can't help me name, can I? 100 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:11,760 I trusted love before Got mad and closed the door 101 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:18,500 But you said try Try just once more I took you 102 00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:25,320 for the one Now I'm having so much fun You treated me so kind I'm about 103 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:31,220 to blow my mind You made me so Very happy 104 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:36,740 I'm so glad you came into my life 105 00:08:36,740 --> 00:08:42,419 the 106 00:08:42,419 --> 00:08:49,280 others were untrue but oh when it came to 107 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:54,800 loving you I'd spend my whole life with you 108 00:08:54,800 --> 00:09:01,560 cause you gave me to control you were my very soul I wanna 109 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:07,390 show you that loving you is great That was You Made Me So. 110 00:09:35,020 --> 00:09:39,960 I love you so much, you see, that you're even in my dreams. I can hear you. 111 00:09:40,220 --> 00:09:42,500 I hear you call me. 112 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:45,820 I'm so in love with you. 113 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,040 All I ever wanted to. 114 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,200 so. 115 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:46,270 like to speak to you tonight about amusing things to do with loofahs. 116 00:10:46,610 --> 00:10:49,310 But I'm a Ministry of Transport spokesman, so I can't. 117 00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:52,070 So, I'm going to talk to you about transport. 118 00:10:52,310 --> 00:10:56,010 Now, a lot of exciting changes are taking place in British transport. 119 00:10:56,230 --> 00:11:00,290 Next week, for instance, we are introducing a new experimental 120 00:11:00,290 --> 00:11:02,230 Chelmsford. There we are. 121 00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:09,970 Now, if this roundabout is a success, we will introduce 400 more. 122 00:11:10,890 --> 00:11:13,630 If it's a complete failure, we will introduce 500 more. 123 00:11:14,830 --> 00:11:17,950 Now, how do you use it? Well, you avoid Chelmsford. 124 00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:22,910 For those of you who can't avoid it, if you are coming towards London, follow 125 00:11:22,910 --> 00:11:26,230 the arrows, and if you're coming towards Chelmsford, dodge the arrows. 126 00:11:26,990 --> 00:11:28,690 If you live in Chelmsford, move. 127 00:11:30,110 --> 00:11:33,330 And if you can't move, you've probably got cramp in your BRM. 128 00:11:34,530 --> 00:11:39,270 In which case, give up driving altogether and do what Long John Silver 129 00:11:39,270 --> 00:11:40,270 on a bus. 130 00:11:40,590 --> 00:11:42,710 Take care not to stick your crotch through the window. 131 00:11:46,230 --> 00:11:49,870 We're also introducing new experimental zebra crossings marked with an 132 00:11:49,870 --> 00:11:51,990 experimental flashing zebra. Here is a zebra. 133 00:11:54,190 --> 00:11:55,750 If the tail lights up, cross. 134 00:11:56,130 --> 00:11:58,010 If the front lights up, don't cross. 135 00:11:58,610 --> 00:12:00,370 If anything else lights up, fetch a vet. 136 00:12:04,670 --> 00:12:06,470 And now something even more revolutionary. 137 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:11,420 Next week, the Minister of Transport in person, and he is in person, will open 138 00:12:11,420 --> 00:12:14,320 Britain's first experimental drive -in swimming pool. 139 00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:19,840 Now, we are building 200 of these, one in London, one in Birmingham, one in 140 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:23,400 Liverpool, and due to an administrative mistake, 197 in Watford. 141 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:32,020 So... So you will all be able to go for a nice swim 142 00:12:32,020 --> 00:12:34,580 without getting out of your car and vice versa. 143 00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:40,410 Advanced motorists, of course, will be able to drive into the pool off the high 144 00:12:40,410 --> 00:12:44,030 board. Very advanced motorists will be able to do it backwards, and good luck 145 00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:44,909 them. 146 00:12:44,910 --> 00:12:48,950 We are also opening a new experimental Ministry of Transport safari car park, 147 00:12:49,190 --> 00:12:52,410 where you will be able to see literally hundreds of cars in their natural 148 00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:56,010 habitat, without ever getting off your elephant. 149 00:12:58,850 --> 00:13:01,830 And on the back of your elephant, if you're brave enough, you can stick a 150 00:13:01,830 --> 00:13:04,230 sticker which says, We've seen the lorries of Longleat. 151 00:13:07,690 --> 00:13:08,950 Don't forget to stand well back. 152 00:13:09,370 --> 00:13:16,370 Last year, in addition to all this, we built no less than 629 miles of new 153 00:13:16,710 --> 00:13:19,190 And when we link it up to the old roads, you'll be able to use it. 154 00:13:21,410 --> 00:13:23,030 But all this costs money. 155 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:24,470 Your money. 156 00:13:24,730 --> 00:13:29,370 Nevertheless, we shall keep open every mile of our existing railways. The only 157 00:13:29,370 --> 00:13:30,910 thing we're going to cancel will be the train. 158 00:13:32,070 --> 00:13:34,650 But you will still be able to use the lines as footpaths. 159 00:13:34,890 --> 00:13:38,410 There'll be picnic areas where you can sleep or eat or simply read between the 160 00:13:38,410 --> 00:13:39,410 lines. 161 00:13:40,850 --> 00:13:45,190 The fast service to Brighton will take 23 hours, and if your clothes get dirty, 162 00:13:45,210 --> 00:13:46,550 you can always change at Hayward's Heath. 163 00:13:47,050 --> 00:13:48,050 Oh, thank you. 164 00:13:48,310 --> 00:13:51,970 And finally, here is the very latest up -to -the -minute news on the 165 00:13:51,970 --> 00:13:55,430 exhilarating and exciting projects we at the Ministry have laid on for all of 166 00:13:55,430 --> 00:13:56,650 you in the next ten years. 167 00:13:57,110 --> 00:13:58,110 They're cancelled. 168 00:13:59,770 --> 00:14:03,470 Now I'd like to end by giving you some impression of our new experimental 169 00:14:03,470 --> 00:14:04,570 foghorn. Bye. 170 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:51,400 The trail of death and destruction that had dogged the footsteps of our 171 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,880 overweight hero, Piggy Malone, and his much maligned assistant, Charlie Farley, 172 00:14:54,940 --> 00:14:55,960 continued relentlessly. 173 00:14:56,340 --> 00:14:59,900 The beautiful Blanche Brimston, who was admired throughout the country, and 174 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:04,060 whose puppies had won prizes at crafts, was now the only surviving member of the 175 00:15:04,060 --> 00:15:08,200 household. The latest victim of the killer was Pike, the butler, who had 176 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,360 discovered in the kitchen, hanging from the bell rope. 177 00:15:16,810 --> 00:15:19,390 Malone returned to the dining room where Blanche and Charlie waited anxiously. 178 00:15:28,290 --> 00:15:30,510 He was obviously preparing dinner when it occurred. 179 00:15:31,050 --> 00:15:33,710 The rest of the staff left days ago. It's terrible, terrible. 180 00:15:34,210 --> 00:15:35,210 What are we going to do? 181 00:15:35,370 --> 00:15:36,370 Well, we could eat out. 182 00:15:36,530 --> 00:15:37,530 Oh, yeah, that's an idea. 183 00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:40,250 No, no, no, no, no. Don't worry. 184 00:15:40,790 --> 00:15:45,310 I'll prepare dinner. You stay here and rest. You must be worn out, poor thing. 185 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:52,660 Do you think we ought to let her go on her own, Chief? Yeah, we'll have to risk 186 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:53,359 it, Charlie. 187 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:54,360 I'm starving. 188 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:56,220 Anyway, I want to talk to you. 189 00:15:57,100 --> 00:15:58,820 Why should anyone want to murder Pike? 190 00:15:59,060 --> 00:16:01,680 I mean, surely he wouldn't inherit the money, would he? That could be an 191 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,080 entirely different motive, Chief. 192 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:09,760 I've taken the liberty of drawing up one of my charts, 193 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:14,840 listing all the suspects, cross -referencing all the various motives, 194 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,120 the methods the crime could have been committed by. 195 00:16:17,530 --> 00:16:18,530 Thank you very much. 196 00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:14,680 Well, there we are, Chief. 197 00:17:15,740 --> 00:17:19,880 You'll notice that I've used code words so that no one can understand it, you 198 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,720 know, should it fall into the wrong hands. 199 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:22,960 Good work. 200 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,660 I presume you can understand it, though, can you? Oh, yes, yes, it's all in my 201 00:17:25,660 --> 00:17:26,639 mind. 202 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:30,040 Now, you'll notice that in this column, I've listed the various methods of death 203 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:31,040 that could possibly be used. 204 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:34,760 For example, balloon, trouble and strife, glug, glug, glug, gardens of 205 00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:36,360 and over here... Hang on, hang on. 206 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:38,920 What's all that mean? 207 00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:41,220 Oh, sorry. 208 00:17:42,340 --> 00:17:44,520 Sorry about that. Yes, of course. 209 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,620 Balloons means blowing up. 210 00:17:48,180 --> 00:17:49,340 Blow up. Balloons. 211 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,480 See? Trouble and strife. 212 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:52,820 Knife. 213 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:55,880 Glug, glug, glug. 214 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:57,320 Drowning, you see. 215 00:17:57,620 --> 00:17:59,120 And the gardens of Babylon hanging. 216 00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:00,980 Hanging gardens of Babylon. 217 00:18:02,060 --> 00:18:03,060 What's that there? 218 00:18:03,580 --> 00:18:04,580 Potatoes? 219 00:18:05,180 --> 00:18:06,260 Oh, that's nothing, sir. 220 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,200 Nothing? No, that was just an empty space, and we'll never have got an empty 221 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,200 space. 222 00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:15,840 And you really think this chart is going to tell us who's done all these 223 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:20,100 murders? Well, I think you'll find if we study it for long enough. 224 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:21,640 Yeah. 225 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,740 Sooner or later, the killer will emerge. 226 00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:29,400 Then I'll be ready in 15 minutes. 227 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,520 Oh, sorry, did I interrupt something? 228 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:33,960 Not at all, madam. 229 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,100 Your entrance was very timely. 230 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,300 Very timely indeed. 231 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:40,120 Ah, good. 232 00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,120 Perhaps you'll open a bottle of wine. 233 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:48,080 Good God. 234 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:49,400 Blanche Brimstone. 235 00:18:50,260 --> 00:18:51,480 Why didn't I think of that before? 236 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,640 You mean that she committed those horrible crimes? Why not? 237 00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:56,700 Well, what makes you think that? 238 00:18:57,180 --> 00:19:00,940 Motive, opportunity, they're all there. But there's one reason which far 239 00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,340 outweighs the rest, Charlie. What's that? 240 00:19:02,820 --> 00:19:04,000 She's the only one that isn't dead. 241 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,800 Nothing but a big front. 242 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,560 Sticks out a mile, really, when you think of it. 243 00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:16,940 I don't know how she keeps it up. 244 00:19:18,570 --> 00:19:20,410 Charlie, there's a couple of points I'd like to discuss. 245 00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:27,670 I'm talking about dinner. Do you realise it's in 15 minutes? Oh, good God, and 246 00:19:27,670 --> 00:19:29,470 she's going to prepare it with her own fair hand. 247 00:19:30,010 --> 00:19:32,070 Ever heard of poison? 248 00:19:32,970 --> 00:19:36,230 Oh, my goodness, we'll have to eat it, you know. I mean, otherwise she'd 249 00:19:36,230 --> 00:19:37,230 something. 250 00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:38,610 Exactly. 251 00:19:39,350 --> 00:19:44,090 I wonder what devilish concoction her warped mind is going to produce. 252 00:19:45,770 --> 00:19:46,770 There we are. 253 00:19:47,690 --> 00:19:49,330 Eat them all up, then you'll be lost. 254 00:19:49,530 --> 00:19:52,390 No, no, no, really, no. That's far too many for me. You have those. 255 00:19:52,690 --> 00:19:53,690 I'll have yours. 256 00:19:54,170 --> 00:19:55,170 Nothing. 257 00:19:55,270 --> 00:19:57,670 I wouldn't hear of it. Look, I insist. 258 00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,210 They give me indigestion. 259 00:20:00,570 --> 00:20:01,570 Oh, very well. 260 00:20:02,530 --> 00:20:04,710 You like beans, do you, Charlie? Oh, yes. 261 00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:07,050 Then you have this large helping. 262 00:20:11,750 --> 00:20:17,990 I say, Chief, I think... I've got the bean you started with. Oh, good, yes, 263 00:20:18,030 --> 00:20:19,030 that's right. There we are. 264 00:20:21,110 --> 00:20:22,110 Let's heat up. 265 00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:23,270 They'll be getting cold. 266 00:20:25,970 --> 00:20:27,610 You know, it's slick. 267 00:20:27,890 --> 00:20:29,810 I have my own plate back. 268 00:20:30,150 --> 00:20:32,490 I remember the little crack on the side. 269 00:20:36,390 --> 00:20:37,530 Come on. 270 00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:39,350 Plenty more. 271 00:20:40,110 --> 00:20:41,110 Heat up. 272 00:20:41,810 --> 00:20:45,630 And so are... Two pathetic heroes ate a frightening three -course meal of beans, 273 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,090 beans and more beans. 274 00:20:47,370 --> 00:20:50,630 And after a hair -raising cup of coffee, they all retired to bed with 275 00:20:50,630 --> 00:20:54,690 indigestion. And outside, fog began to build up in the channel. 276 00:21:01,290 --> 00:21:02,290 Well, 277 00:21:06,910 --> 00:21:07,889 I'm not sleeping with her. 278 00:21:07,890 --> 00:21:11,010 Well, I'm not. I'm having the camp bed. Oh, no, that's my camp bed. That's my 279 00:21:11,010 --> 00:21:12,110 camp bed. I'm having that. 280 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,020 We'll have to go in with her. Look, whose idea was it to lug the camp bed up 281 00:21:15,020 --> 00:21:15,879 here anyway? 282 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,180 Why, I'd rather take the camp bed all the way to Country House, you said. 283 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:23,320 Carrying coals to Newcastle, you said. Well, your coals have come home to 284 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,260 Roosemate, so you can put that in your pipe and smoke it. You've burned your 285 00:21:26,260 --> 00:21:28,080 boat, and I'm going to lie in it, so there. 286 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:30,480 What's going on, boys? 287 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:34,560 Oh, we're just, uh, just arguing about who's going to sleep with you. 288 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,460 Oh, why not both of you? 289 00:21:36,660 --> 00:21:39,000 It's a very big bed, plenty of room for all of us. 290 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:45,020 And you did say you'd protect me. Oh, dear, I can't. Look, I haven't got any 291 00:21:45,020 --> 00:21:46,020 pyjamas. Look. 292 00:21:46,300 --> 00:21:48,340 Oh, you've got some pyjamas, Chief. 293 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:52,020 What? What about you? It'll have to be you. No, no, hang on, hang on. Don't 294 00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:53,620 worry. I know what we can do. 295 00:21:54,220 --> 00:21:55,220 Come with me. 296 00:21:55,780 --> 00:21:56,780 Both of you. 297 00:22:03,060 --> 00:22:05,000 I like wearing men's pyjama tops. 298 00:22:05,740 --> 00:22:07,420 Don't you find it attractive, Charlie? 299 00:22:07,770 --> 00:22:10,410 Well, it wouldn't matter much if I did, would it? Couldn't do much about it in 300 00:22:10,410 --> 00:22:11,410 this lot, could I? 301 00:22:19,270 --> 00:22:20,690 I think it's adorable. 302 00:22:21,630 --> 00:22:22,670 Don't you, Mr Malone? 303 00:22:22,970 --> 00:22:25,630 Don't ask me. Look, I feel ridiculous like this. 304 00:22:33,810 --> 00:22:34,810 What's the deal? 305 00:22:35,490 --> 00:22:36,570 All in a good cause. 306 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:39,379 Into bed. 307 00:22:39,380 --> 00:22:41,360 Oh, I'll just clean my teeth. I shall be a moment. 308 00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:47,520 Give me a hand into bed, then. 309 00:22:48,020 --> 00:22:49,020 Oh, yeah. 310 00:23:01,740 --> 00:23:04,520 Why have you got your hands inside the trousers, anyway? 311 00:23:05,020 --> 00:23:07,300 If she attacks now, you'll defend this, ain't you? 312 00:23:07,630 --> 00:23:08,630 No, I'm not. 313 00:23:09,290 --> 00:23:11,530 I'm holding a blunt instrument inside of you. 314 00:23:16,570 --> 00:23:22,170 What is it? 315 00:23:23,990 --> 00:23:25,570 A brass candlestick. 316 00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:29,270 Have you got your automatic? 317 00:23:29,650 --> 00:23:30,650 Yeah. 318 00:23:31,010 --> 00:23:33,050 It's tucked inside my matching briefs. 319 00:23:37,260 --> 00:23:38,260 What the wreck is she doing in there? 320 00:23:45,740 --> 00:23:47,280 We'd better put her in the middle, Charlie. 321 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,940 Yes. At least that way, Chief, we'll know where she is. 322 00:23:52,100 --> 00:23:54,240 Anyway, I don't want to sleep next to you, and not while you're wearing that 323 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:55,240 nightie. 324 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:57,720 What are you talking about? 325 00:23:58,840 --> 00:23:59,840 What's that? 326 00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:20,250 Poisoned. 327 00:24:20,390 --> 00:24:21,390 No doubt about it. 328 00:24:22,010 --> 00:24:23,010 But how? 329 00:24:23,350 --> 00:24:24,350 Exactly. 330 00:24:24,990 --> 00:24:26,030 We all ate the beans. 331 00:24:26,750 --> 00:24:27,830 And we all drank the coffee. 332 00:24:28,550 --> 00:24:30,170 And no one ate or drank anything else. 333 00:24:31,050 --> 00:24:32,050 We all came to bed. 334 00:24:33,050 --> 00:24:34,170 She went to clean her teeth. 335 00:24:37,450 --> 00:24:38,650 My God, the toothpaste! 336 00:24:39,690 --> 00:24:40,690 Precisely. 337 00:24:40,950 --> 00:24:43,550 The poison was in the stripes. 338 00:24:44,350 --> 00:24:47,170 But you're dead! 339 00:24:48,940 --> 00:24:50,140 It would appear not. 340 00:24:51,460 --> 00:24:53,620 So the professor had not died after all. 341 00:24:53,940 --> 00:24:55,040 Piggy Malone was stunned. 342 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,460 Charlie Parley's brain began to race. 343 00:24:57,660 --> 00:24:58,800 Had the professor seen him? 344 00:24:59,220 --> 00:25:00,760 Where had he left his blunt instrument? 345 00:25:01,740 --> 00:25:04,720 Why hadn't he followed his mother's advice and become a window dresser? 346 00:25:05,700 --> 00:25:06,880 One thing was certain. 347 00:25:07,180 --> 00:25:10,360 There would be very little sleep for anyone that night. 348 00:25:30,830 --> 00:25:33,370 I walk along the city streets. 349 00:25:33,610 --> 00:25:37,050 You used to walk along with me. 350 00:25:38,130 --> 00:25:44,790 And every step I take recalls how much in love we used to be. 351 00:25:45,030 --> 00:25:48,490 Oh, how can I forget you? 352 00:25:49,350 --> 00:25:53,390 When there is always something left to remember. 353 00:26:04,650 --> 00:26:05,710 to love you. 354 00:26:06,650 --> 00:26:12,290 And I will never be free. You'll always be a part of me. 355 00:26:15,390 --> 00:26:21,690 When shadows fall, I pass a small cafe 356 00:26:21,690 --> 00:26:24,550 where we would dance at night. 357 00:26:26,270 --> 00:26:32,650 And I can't help recalling how it felt to kiss and hold your time. 358 00:26:33,310 --> 00:26:36,710 Oh, how can I forget you? 359 00:26:37,130 --> 00:26:42,090 When there is always something that you remind me. 360 00:26:44,790 --> 00:26:48,310 Always something that you remind me. 361 00:26:49,910 --> 00:26:53,790 I was born to love you. 362 00:27:14,860 --> 00:27:20,780 Just make your way to that cafe where we would go, and I'll be there. 363 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:22,620 Oh, how can I? 364 00:28:28,770 --> 00:28:29,770 Good evening. 365 00:28:29,810 --> 00:28:33,070 Well, this evening, I'm going to tell you how to make Fanny Craddock. 366 00:28:34,450 --> 00:28:36,850 Or, on second thought, I'll tell you a joke. 367 00:28:37,110 --> 00:28:41,330 No, it's about a chap, actually, who went into a moneylender's and he said, I 368 00:28:41,330 --> 00:28:42,450 want to borrow 20 pounds. 369 00:28:43,630 --> 00:28:48,430 By the way, this parcel has nothing to do with this week's show. 370 00:28:48,890 --> 00:28:50,630 Or, for that matter, next week's show. 371 00:28:51,830 --> 00:28:53,050 Or any other show, really. 372 00:28:53,610 --> 00:28:56,090 So, I might as well forget about it, really. 373 00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:00,820 I actually only brought it out here because if I leave it back there, people 374 00:29:00,820 --> 00:29:03,660 will muck about with it and look up it and one thing and another, you know. 375 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:08,120 So we'll just, you know, try to forget about it. Really, it's the best thing to 376 00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:09,960 do. Try to forget about it. 377 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,320 And, you know, we'll just do that. Just sort of ignore it, really. 378 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:18,020 Pay very little attention to it and try not to look at it, you know, if you can 379 00:29:18,020 --> 00:29:19,020 avoid it. 380 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:23,060 This chap goes into the moneylenders and he said, I'd like to borrow some money. 381 00:29:23,140 --> 00:29:24,420 The moneylender said, oh, yes. 382 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:27,940 Because money lending is rather a depressing business. I mean, you've only 383 00:29:27,940 --> 00:29:31,220 to stand out there near the tea machine for five minutes to know what it feels 384 00:29:31,220 --> 00:29:32,220 like to be a money lender. 385 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:37,620 And this chap says, I'm going over to the continent for a few days and I'd 386 00:29:37,620 --> 00:29:39,900 to borrow about 20 pounds. So the money lender said, well, if you've got some 387 00:29:39,900 --> 00:29:40,900 sort of security. 388 00:29:40,940 --> 00:29:42,400 So the chap said, well, I'll tell you what I'll do. 389 00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:46,860 I'll leave you my Rolls Royce, which is standing outside your front door. So the 390 00:29:46,860 --> 00:29:48,480 money lender said, that sounds reasonable enough. 391 00:29:49,060 --> 00:29:50,060 I'll put it in the garage. 392 00:29:50,490 --> 00:29:51,570 And if you don't come back, it's mine. 393 00:29:51,770 --> 00:29:56,050 Okay? So a week later, the chap comes back, claims his car, pays the money 394 00:29:56,050 --> 00:30:00,270 lender £20 plus 50p interest, and he's just leaving, and the money lender said 395 00:30:00,270 --> 00:30:01,310 to him, tell me something. 396 00:30:01,510 --> 00:30:05,210 Why does a man like you, you know, with a big car, lovely suit, trip to Paris, 397 00:30:05,350 --> 00:30:08,110 have to come to me to borrow £20 plus 50p interest? 398 00:30:08,390 --> 00:30:11,230 And the man said to him, will you tell me somewhere else I can park a roll for 399 00:30:11,230 --> 00:30:12,230 ten bob a week? 400 00:30:21,580 --> 00:30:27,800 Right, if you must know, this is a little something I picked up in the war 401 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:28,800 surplus shop. 402 00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:32,120 And it's the wife's birthday tomorrow, so I'm going to give it to her. I know 403 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:35,020 she'll be rather surprised, because she was expecting Sasha Distel. 404 00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:39,900 Now, even now I'm not sure if I've done the right thing, but it did seem such a 405 00:30:39,900 --> 00:30:43,240 bargain. You see, this cost £5 ,000 to make. 406 00:30:44,300 --> 00:30:45,400 Slashed 30 bob. 407 00:30:46,460 --> 00:30:48,360 Now, the man in the shop said to me, he said... 408 00:30:50,060 --> 00:30:52,500 The man in the shop said to me, you're lucky, he said, I've just slashed that. 409 00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:59,000 Actually, I never went to the war surplus shop to buy this at all, you 410 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:04,120 went in to ask if they'd got any ex -commander string vests to fit a five 411 00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:05,120 -old. 412 00:31:07,500 --> 00:31:09,480 And the man said they'd be getting some in. 413 00:31:10,780 --> 00:31:14,340 Now, good heavens, the bargains I've had out of that shop. Now, look, this 414 00:31:14,340 --> 00:31:18,800 watch, for instance, this watch, tells you the correct time in 27 different 415 00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:19,800 countries. 416 00:31:20,780 --> 00:31:22,220 Unfortunately, England is not one of them. 417 00:31:24,540 --> 00:31:25,880 Good morning, Lagos. 418 00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:29,240 And good night, Vienna. 419 00:31:30,420 --> 00:31:33,820 I suppose, you know, meaning that, you know, this actually, I can tell the time 420 00:31:33,820 --> 00:31:35,820 in Lagos and Vienna here from this watch. 421 00:31:36,220 --> 00:31:37,220 And Birmingham. 422 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:39,700 And London, Shepherd's Bush. 423 00:31:40,380 --> 00:31:42,580 By the way this is going, it's about four o 'clock in the morning. 424 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:46,660 Now, I suppose that my... I suppose there must be people among you who are 425 00:31:46,660 --> 00:31:49,640 saying to themselves, why does he go around looking for bargains? He's on the 426 00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:51,140 telly. He must be worth a fortune. 427 00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:52,639 No, no. 428 00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:53,840 No, no, no, no, no. 429 00:31:54,260 --> 00:31:55,580 No, no, no, no, no, no. 430 00:31:55,940 --> 00:31:57,100 Oh, wish I hadn't done that. 431 00:31:58,800 --> 00:31:59,900 One of my eyes has come loose. 432 00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:04,280 Now, please don't think the BBP don't pay us enough all this morning. It's the 433 00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:08,240 tax people that are on to us. I mean, the old days were tax people. The old 434 00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:10,880 when you could send them a fiver and two tickets for Z cars are over. 435 00:32:12,060 --> 00:32:15,260 I mean, good gracious, I went to see my local taxman last week. I said, good 436 00:32:15,260 --> 00:32:17,740 morning. He said, good morning, you little swine. Where's the money? 437 00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:21,340 And it's no good pleading ignorance because they've got new methods. 438 00:32:21,620 --> 00:32:25,840 They've got this enormous computer all along one wall, and they feed all your 439 00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,660 facts in, and when it stops, they bang your head against it. 440 00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:31,740 And they can get very nasty if you upset them, you know. 441 00:32:32,020 --> 00:32:33,680 One fellow lost his P45. 442 00:32:34,140 --> 00:32:35,260 They keep him in a jar. 443 00:32:39,690 --> 00:32:41,670 I was discussing money troubles recently. 444 00:32:41,910 --> 00:32:44,930 I was discussing money troubles recently with a chap who lives across the road 445 00:32:44,930 --> 00:32:48,470 from me, and he said, you think you've got worries about money? He said, I am 446 00:32:48,470 --> 00:32:49,950 the hands of a psychiatrist, he said. 447 00:32:50,610 --> 00:32:53,310 I said, how can you be worried about money? He said, you've got a house twice 448 00:32:53,310 --> 00:32:56,890 big as mine, three cars, a yacht, and your kids at a private school. 449 00:32:57,370 --> 00:32:59,870 He said, that's it. I only earn 17 quid a week. 450 00:33:08,300 --> 00:33:14,780 A river's flowing up the hill, it keeps moving, I keep still. 451 00:33:15,220 --> 00:33:19,240 Some folks say that thinking makes you blind. 452 00:33:21,100 --> 00:33:25,880 And when the wind is blowing from behind, 453 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,720 it blows my mind. 454 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,540 Painted girls and neon lights. 455 00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:39,040 Lord, you made the darkness bright. 456 00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:43,360 The hole in my blue jeans is hard to find. 457 00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:52,300 But when the wind is blowing from behind, it 458 00:33:52,300 --> 00:33:53,940 blows my mind. 459 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:07,200 A barrel organ's life is one long grind. 460 00:34:08,900 --> 00:34:15,880 And when the wind is blowing from behind, it 461 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:16,880 blows. 462 00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:44,498 there, everybody. 463 00:34:44,500 --> 00:34:47,400 It sure is nice to be back here with you again. I'd like to take this 464 00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:52,300 opportunity of introducing you once again to my old partner and buddy, Fat 465 00:34:52,300 --> 00:34:53,500 Jones. Let's hear it, folks. 466 00:34:53,820 --> 00:34:55,139 Thank you very much. Thank you. 467 00:34:56,800 --> 00:35:01,140 Thank you, people. Thank you. Mighty glad, mighty glad to be back. Nice to 468 00:35:01,140 --> 00:35:02,140 you. Real nice. 469 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:07,800 Of course, me and Fat Belly, we've traveled all over the world and parts of 470 00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:08,800 Scotland, too. 471 00:35:10,010 --> 00:35:13,210 A lot of folks, a lot of folks don't think that we're cousins, do they, Fat 472 00:35:13,210 --> 00:35:16,170 Belly? No, they don't, Big Jim. No, that's true. They don't. No, they don't 473 00:35:16,170 --> 00:35:17,410 know. I didn't know that myself. 474 00:35:18,510 --> 00:35:20,730 No, we sort of have cousins, you know. 475 00:35:20,970 --> 00:35:22,310 He's a cousin I ain't. 476 00:35:23,690 --> 00:35:25,530 No, that's just one of my little jokes. 477 00:35:26,190 --> 00:35:27,950 Wish I could think of one of my big ones. 478 00:35:29,530 --> 00:35:33,310 I think maybe we'd better get stuck straight into the next song. This song 479 00:35:33,310 --> 00:35:36,670 discovered by me and Fat Belly when we was walking across America. 480 00:35:37,110 --> 00:35:39,250 Boy, that was quite a walk, wasn't it, Big Jim? 481 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,880 Yeah, we was in the state of Tennessee, weren't we? Right, right, right. Least 482 00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:46,100 of ways, I was in the state of Tennessee. He was in the state of 483 00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:51,300 And suddenly this athlete ran by, throwing these little bits of paper in 484 00:35:51,300 --> 00:35:54,960 air, sort of paper chase, I guess you'd call it. Yeah, and it turned out to be 485 00:35:54,960 --> 00:36:00,160 the manuscript of this song was all torn up into bits and thrown on the ground. 486 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:04,140 Yes, sir, it was just one of those songs that we just picked up as we went 487 00:36:04,140 --> 00:36:05,140 along. 488 00:36:05,550 --> 00:36:08,930 And here it is. It's all about a pretty gal who kept saying the wrong thing. Hit 489 00:36:08,930 --> 00:36:09,709 it, fat belly. 490 00:36:09,710 --> 00:36:10,710 Right, here we go. 491 00:36:11,050 --> 00:36:17,710 My cousin Pauline was a Tennessee queen as pretty 492 00:36:17,710 --> 00:36:23,450 a critter as you've ever seen. But she was so dumb that no matter how she 493 00:36:23,450 --> 00:36:24,450 tried... 494 00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:30,000 When she opened her mouth, she put her foot right inside. 495 00:36:30,380 --> 00:36:33,680 We knew what she meant, we knew what she meant. 496 00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:37,320 We heard what she said, but we knew what she meant. 497 00:36:39,700 --> 00:36:43,460 She invited the preacher to her house, they say. 498 00:36:43,720 --> 00:36:47,020 She said, it's a party, I'm 19 today. 499 00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:50,680 Ma bought me a dress and a bonnet so cute. 500 00:36:53,420 --> 00:36:58,840 So come round and see me in my birthday suit. We knew what she meant. 501 00:36:59,140 --> 00:37:04,160 We knew what she meant. We heard what she said, but we knew what she meant. 502 00:37:06,580 --> 00:37:12,700 She went to a dance hall one night on her own and smiled at a young man who 503 00:37:12,700 --> 00:37:13,760 stood all alone. 504 00:37:14,140 --> 00:37:17,220 He remarked that he'd not had the pleasure before. 505 00:37:20,330 --> 00:37:23,730 Pissy answered, come on then, let's get on the floor. 506 00:37:23,970 --> 00:37:29,550 We knew what she meant, we knew what she meant. We heard what she said, but we 507 00:37:29,550 --> 00:37:31,130 knew what she meant. 508 00:37:33,250 --> 00:37:39,670 One day she went into a department store and she said to the guy who was snoozed 509 00:37:39,670 --> 00:37:44,390 by the door, I need some material to make a new belt. 510 00:37:46,690 --> 00:37:52,560 Perhaps you can tell me where I... I can get built. Well, we're watchmen. We 511 00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:53,700 knew watchmen. 512 00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:57,220 We heard what she said, but we knew watchmen. 513 00:37:59,820 --> 00:38:06,040 She said, I once met a guy with dark wavy hair. So we rushed off to Alaska 514 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:07,040 quick love affair. 515 00:38:07,340 --> 00:38:10,580 But I came back disappointed with a cold and a cough. 516 00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:16,940 We were both frozen stiff and I just broke it off. 517 00:38:18,430 --> 00:38:25,110 We heard what she said, but we knew what she meant. We knew what 518 00:38:25,110 --> 00:38:30,070 she meant. We knew what she meant. We heard what she said, but we knew 519 00:38:30,070 --> 00:38:34,030 what she meant. 520 00:38:50,859 --> 00:38:54,440 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much, Phil. Thank you very much indeed, 521 00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:55,439 ladies and gentlemen. 522 00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:59,040 Well, I want to say it's been real nice of you to let us break into your homes 523 00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:00,660 like this and steal a little of your time. 524 00:39:01,140 --> 00:39:04,580 Now, we're going to move on. I want you to know we really appreciate being with 525 00:39:04,580 --> 00:39:05,519 you a whole heap. 526 00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:09,780 Oh, yes, sirree, Big Jim. Yes, sirree. A whole big steaming great pile. Yes, 527 00:39:09,820 --> 00:39:10,820 sirree. 528 00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:13,440 I'd just like to say goodnight and leave you with this little poem. 529 00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:15,780 Last night I saw my grandma. 530 00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:17,780 It seemed such a doggone shame. 531 00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:21,660 She looked a million dollars, but we buried her just the same. 532 00:39:22,420 --> 00:39:26,580 A little song called The Girl Who's Gonna Marry Me. Bye now. Bye now. 533 00:39:29,220 --> 00:39:33,600 She can sew, she can hold, she can read, she can write, she can cook a man a 534 00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:37,800 breakfast in the middle of the night. She can cut up a chicken, she can cut 535 00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:38,800 a tree. 536 00:39:39,070 --> 00:39:43,270 That's the girl who's going to marry me. She can pick, she can shake, she can 537 00:39:43,270 --> 00:39:47,470 juggle, she can jump, she can drive a fella crazy with a wiggle of a rump. She 538 00:39:47,470 --> 00:39:50,190 can stand in the saddle, she can sit on your knee. 539 00:39:50,970 --> 00:39:53,090 That's the girl who's going to marry me. 540 00:39:54,370 --> 00:40:00,070 She can joke, she can smoke, she can drink a dozen beers, she can move a 541 00:40:00,070 --> 00:40:01,870 piano, she can move a man of tears. 542 00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:09,900 That's the girl who's gonna marry me. She can fight, she can bite, she can 543 00:40:09,980 --> 00:40:13,480 she can fool. She can shoot the mountain lion, she can shoot the little bull. 544 00:40:13,700 --> 00:40:16,460 She's as fit as a bird and as fickle as me. 545 00:40:17,260 --> 00:40:21,660 That's the girl who's gonna marry me. Now play that thing now, now, big Jim. 546 00:40:23,020 --> 00:40:24,020 Yeah, that's it. 547 00:41:03,450 --> 00:41:06,170 She's the girl who's going to marry me. 548 00:41:31,500 --> 00:41:36,260 well that's all for this week but first some late news 549 00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:41,400 A man was arrested on Beachy Head this evening for dropping a grandfather clock 550 00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:46,040 off the edge of the cliff and narrowly missing his wife, who had passed by a 551 00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:47,040 seconds earlier. 552 00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,060 Said the man, that damn clock always was too slow. 553 00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:57,360 And a chemist's shop in Eastbourne was broken into last night. The entire stock 554 00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:00,400 was taken, except for quantities of hair cream and the pill. 555 00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:02,840 Police are looking for a bald -headed Catholic. 556 00:42:12,710 --> 00:42:15,130 And now a message from the police in Finchley. 557 00:42:15,510 --> 00:42:20,010 They stated today that of the two rabbits stolen last month from the super 558 00:42:20,010 --> 00:42:22,570 pet shop, only 14 have so far been recovered. 559 00:42:24,310 --> 00:42:27,370 Next week we hope to bring you news of the 48 that are still at large. 560 00:42:28,810 --> 00:42:33,770 We shall also be showing excerpts from the new BBC series The Cold It Story, 561 00:42:33,770 --> 00:42:38,450 from a documentary about miners called The Cold Tips Story, and from a film 562 00:42:38,450 --> 00:42:40,130 starring Raquel Welsh as an Eskimo. 563 00:42:47,799 --> 00:42:50,760 which as yet has no title. Perhaps viewers may be able to think of one. 564 00:42:52,420 --> 00:42:55,720 And so it's goodnight from me. And it's goodnight from him. Goodnight.