1
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:25,560
Oh, dear, that sounds
quite worrisome, Mother.

2
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:27,600
Have you been to a doctor?

3
00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:31,000
Do they know why
your hair is falling out in clumps?

4
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,760
Wasn't there just the one clump left
anyway?

5
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:38,880
Oh, I see. Yes.

6
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:40,920
Oh, I see!

7
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,600
Yes, I see.

8
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:47,160
Oh, my God, I just dropped
an entire pot of tea!

9
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,600
It's everywhere.
I'll call you right back.

10
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:54,320
<font color="#ffff00">If you're going to walk around</font>
<font color="#ffff00">in a towel again,</font>

11
00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:57,760
<font color="#ffff00">I'm going to need at least</font>
<font color="#ffff00">24 hours notice to pack a small bag</font>

12
00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,800
<font color="#ffff00">and check into a hotel.</font>

13
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,080
And how do you propose
I take a shower?

14
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,160
<font color="#ffff00">With as much clothing on</font>
<font color="#ffff00">as possible.</font>

15
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,760
<font color="#ffff00">No-one should have to see you wet.</font>

16
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,880
<font color="#ffff00">It was like a shaved squirrel</font>
<font color="#ffff00">with hips.</font>

17
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:20,520
<font color="#ffff00">Now, I want you to be brutally</font>
<font color="#ffff00">honest. I have an audition tomorrow.</font>

18
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,080
<font color="#ffff00">Do you think I can pass for 50?</font>

19
00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:29,200
I'm not even sure you can pass for
alive.

20
00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:32,280
(DOORBELL)
That's Violet.

21
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:37,360
Hey, she was upset. She had something
she needed to discuss with us.

22
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:41,200
<font color="#ffff00">Poor dear. Just don't let her</font>
<font color="#ffff00">sit down. I want her in and out.</font>

23
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,440
<font color="#00ffff">Hello, darling.</font>
<font color="#00ffff">Do I look terrible?</font>

24
00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:48,200
<font color="#00ffff">I've been crying</font>
<font color="#00ffff">for two days straight.</font>

25
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:51,880
That sounds like something you
probably don't want to talk about.

26
00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:56,160
<font color="#00ffff">It's an incredibly long</font>
<font color="#00ffff">and complicated story, I'm afraid.</font>

27
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,120
<font color="#00ffff">Hello, Freddie.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Hello, </font><font color="#ffff00"> Vi.</font>

28
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,160
<font color="#ffff00">You do look awful.</font>

29
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,880
<font color="#00ffff">I'm going to need at least three</font>
<font color="#00ffff">cups of tea to get through this.</font>

30
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,320
<font color="#ffff00">Oh, look, and you're sitting down.</font>

31
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:11,160
<font color="#ffff00">Nicely done (!)</font>
<font color="#ffffff">She's </font><font color="#ffffff"> too </font><font color="#ffffff"> quick.</font>

32
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,840
<font color="#00ffff">Well...he broke up with me.</font>

33
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,240
<font color="#ffff00">Who did, dear?</font>
<font color="#00ffff">Kristoff.</font>

34
00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,800
We didn't even know
you were seeing anybody.

35
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,440
<font color="#00ffff">That's because Kristoff swore me</font>
<font color="#00ffff">to secrecy.</font>

36
00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:27,120
<font color="#00ffff">He lives abroad and would fly me</font>
<font color="#00ffff">to Hungary once a month</font>

37
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,560
<font color="#00ffff">to do unspeakable things.</font>

38
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,680
<font color="#ffff00">Well, he is Hungarian, dear.</font>

39
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,040
<font color="#ffff00">It's probably very speakable</font>
<font color="#ffff00">over there.</font>

40
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,480
<font color="#00ffff">We were even talking about</font>
<font color="#00ffff">having a child.</font>

41
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:46,120
<font color="#00ffff">They can do incredible things</font>
<font color="#00ffff">nowadays in the world of science.</font>

42
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:49,560
You might also want to consider the
supernatural world.

43
00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:53,840
<font color="#ffff00">I don't even think God could</font>
<font color="#ffff00">impregnate you at this point.</font>

44
00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:56,680
<font color="#00ffff">We were getting very serious,</font>

45
00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,280
<font color="#00ffff">and then I get an email from him</font>
<font color="#00ffff">this morning</font>

46
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,360
<font color="#00ffff">saying he never wants to see me</font>
<font color="#00ffff">again.</font>

47
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,400
You poor thing.
You probably want to be alone.

48
00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:07,240
<font color="#00ffff">No, that's just it.</font>
<font color="#00ffff">I don't want to be alone.</font>

49
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,880
<font color="#00ffff">I want a companion.</font>
<font color="#00ffff">I want what you both have.</font>

50
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:13,920
<font color="#00ffff">Well, not that. That's horrific.</font>

51
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:18,320
<font color="#00ffff">But I want something.</font>
<font color="#00ffff">Something meaningful.</font>

52
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,880
<font color="#ffff00">Then might I suggest that next time</font>
<font color="#ffff00">an Eastern European asks you</font>

53
00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:26,320
<font color="#ffff00">to perform depraved sex acts,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">you politely decline.</font>

54
00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:29,960
(DOORBELL) That's good advice
for anybody, really.

55
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,760
Hi, Ash.
<font color="#00ff00">Hi. </font><font color="#00ff00"> Is </font><font color="#00ff00"> this </font><font color="#00ff00"> a </font><font color="#00ff00"> bad </font><font color="#00ff00"> time?</font>

56
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,640
Of course not. Come in.
<font color="#ffff00">Hello, Ash.</font>

57
00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:39,680
You remember our friend Violet.
<font color="#00ff00">Hi.</font>

58
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:43,360
<font color="#00ffff">Please, we've met so many times</font>
<font color="#00ffff">I almost feel like we're an item.</font>

59
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,720
<font color="#00ffff">People will start talking.</font>

60
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,320
<font color="#ffff00">Yes, about how ill</font>
<font color="#ffff00">the thought makes them.</font>

61
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,240
Ash, please, sit down.
<font color="#00ff00">Thanks.</font>

62
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:59,240
<font color="#00ffff">You're sitting very far away</font>
<font color="#00ffff">from me, Ash.</font>

63
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:01,960
<font color="#00ff00">I know.</font>

64
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,920
Would you like us to ask her
to leave?

65
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,120
<font color="#00ff00">No, I only feel bad that</font>
<font color="#00ff00">I'm interrupting.</font>

66
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,560
No, we finished, right, dear?
<font color="#00ffff">Oh...</font>

67
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:13,640
You're sad, lonely
and nobody's ever going to love you.

68
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:19,560
<font color="#00ff00">Great! So, in that case,</font>
<font color="#00ff00">I wanted your opinion on something.</font>

69
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,600
<font color="#ffff00">Well, we are very good listeners.</font>

70
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,880
<font color="#00ff00">OK, so, you know how I've told you</font>

71
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:30,720
<font color="#00ff00">that my father's been in prison</font>
<font color="#00ff00">ten years for armed robbery. </font><font color="#ffff00"> No...</font>

72
00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:36,760
<font color="#ffff00">I don't believe you did tell us that</font>
<font color="#ffff00">very, very disturbing bit of news.</font>

73
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,800
<font color="#00ff00">Oh, I thought I did.</font>

74
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:40,840
<font color="#00ff00">Well, the whole story is...</font>

75
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,040
<font color="#00ff00">my father's been in prison</font>
<font color="#00ff00">ten years for armed robbery.</font>

76
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,080
Ah. Now we're caught up.

77
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:50,240
<font color="#00ff00">And, anyway,</font>
<font color="#00ff00">you both have been like grandfath...</font>

78
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,560
<font color="#00ff00">Uncles to me,</font>
<font color="#00ff00">and I wanted to ask your advice.</font>

79
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,600
<font color="#ffff00">What a lovely thing to say.</font>

80
00:04:56,640 --> 00:05:00,840
<font color="#ffff00">And are these uncles of yours</font>
<font color="#ffff00">in prison, as well?</font>

81
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,440
<font color="#00ff00">No, I don't have any uncles.</font>

82
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,480
<font color="#ffff00">This is all very confusing.</font>

83
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:09,480
<font color="#00ff00">See, I've been working at this</font>
<font color="#00ff00">restaurant, and it's going OK,</font>

84
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,040
<font color="#00ff00">but I don't think</font>
<font color="#00ff00">it's what I really want to do.</font>

85
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:14,360
Well, what are you interested in?

86
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,440
<font color="#00ff00">Dunno. I don't really know how</font>
<font color="#00ff00">to do much.</font>

87
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,600
<font color="#ffff00">Well, what about acting? Hmm?</font>

88
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:24,360
<font color="#00ffff">Yes, one doesn't have to know</font>
<font color="#00ffff">anything to do that.</font>

89
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,360
<font color="#00ff00">Do you really think I could be</font>
<font color="#00ff00">an actor? </font><font color="#ffff00"> Why </font><font color="#ffff00"> not?</font>

90
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:32,400
<font color="#ffff00">You've certainly got the right look.</font>
<font color="#00ffff">And </font><font color="#00ffff"> you </font><font color="#00ffff"> have </font><font color="#00ffff"> fantastic </font><font color="#00ffff"> hair.</font>

91
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,440
<font color="#00ffff">A lot of acting is just good hair.</font>

92
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,520
<font color="#ffff00">Yes, that's true.</font>

93
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:42,480
<font color="#00ff00">I've always thought what it would be</font>
<font color="#00ff00">like to be an actor. </font><font color="#ffffff"> So </font><font color="#ffffff"> has </font><font color="#ffffff"> Freddie.</font>

94
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,200
<font color="#00ffff">Well, I think it sounds marvellous!</font>

95
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,440
<font color="#00ffff">Just know you're going to have to</font>
<font color="#00ffff">take your shirt off a lot.</font>

96
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:52,880
<font color="#00ffff">People are always wanting young men</font>
<font color="#00ffff">to take their shirts off.</font>

97
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,320
<font color="#00ffff">It's appalling, I know,</font>
<font color="#00ffff">but that's the world we live in.</font>

98
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,360
<font color="#00ffff">You might as well take it off now.</font>

99
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:02,840
<font color="#ffff00">I'd be happy to advise you, Ash.</font>

100
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,680
<font color="#ffff00">I actually have an audition</font>
<font color="#ffff00">tomorrow.</font>

101
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:09,920
<font color="#ffff00">And you can help me prepare,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">if you'd like?</font>

102
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,760
<font color="#00ff00">Great. What can I do?</font>

103
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:15,920
Well, to start with, you're going
to have to take 25 years off him.

104
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,600
Then teach him how to act.

105
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:27,640
<font color="#ffff00">All right, my audition is for</font>
<font color="#ffff00">my favourite television programme...</font>

106
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:30,840
<font color="#ffff00">..Downton Abbey.</font>

107
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,240
<font color="#00ff00">Oh, wow! That's a great show!</font>

108
00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:37,000
<font color="#ffff00">Yes, I know it is,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I don't need you to tell me that.</font>

109
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,040
<font color="#ffff00">I'm feeling enough stress as it is!</font>

110
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,880
<font color="#00ff00">Sorry.</font>

111
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:45,120
<font color="#ffff00">Now, the first thing you have to do</font>
<font color="#ffff00">when preparing for an audition</font>

112
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:48,560
<font color="#ffff00">is to work out what it is</font>
<font color="#ffff00">your character wants.</font>

113
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,720
<font color="#00ff00">How do you do that?</font>
<font color="#ffff00">By </font><font color="#ffff00"> studying </font><font color="#ffff00"> the </font><font color="#ffff00"> script.</font>

114
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,680
<font color="#ffff00">Looking for any clues</font>
<font color="#ffff00">the writer might have given us.</font>

115
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,720
<font color="#ffff00">So we'll start with my first line.</font>

116
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,320
<font color="#00ff00">Which character</font>
<font color="#00ff00">are you auditioning for?</font>

117
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,600
<font color="#ffff00">Cook Staff Number Four.</font>

118
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,400
<font color="#ffff00">But I'm calling him Thomas.</font>

119
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:10,560
<font color="#00ff00">There's already a character called</font>
<font color="#00ff00">Thomas on the show.</font>

120
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,520
<font color="#ffff00">Yes, I know there is.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I watch the show, for God's sake.</font>

121
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,560
<font color="#ffff00">But this way I've created conflict.</font>

122
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,600
<font color="#00ff00">That's important?</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Very.</font>

123
00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:21,800
<font color="#ffff00">It's all necessary for the making</font>
<font color="#ffff00">up a backstory for your character.</font>

124
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:26,840
<font color="#ffff00">I already know that these two</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Thomas' despise each other</font>

125
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,920
<font color="#ffff00">and I haven't even read</font>
<font color="#ffff00">my first line.</font>

126
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:31,760
<font color="#00ff00">Ohh.</font>

127
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:35,360
<font color="#ffff00">So, how do we find out</font>
<font color="#ffff00">what it is the character wants?</font>

128
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:38,200
<font color="#ffff00">And, you see,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">you've always got to want something.</font>

129
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:41,280
<font color="#ffff00">You can't just be standing there</font>
<font color="#ffff00">not wanting anything,</font>

130
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,560
<font color="#ffff00">looking like some sort of idiot,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">can you?</font>

131
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,600
<font color="#00ff00">I suppose not.</font>

132
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,640
<font color="#ffff00">All right.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Well, now, you give me my cue.</font>

133
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:53,720
<font color="#ffff00">That means you read out the line</font>
<font color="#ffff00">before my first line.</font>

134
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:57,280
<font color="#ffff00">There are a lot of technical terms</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I'm going to be throwing at you</font>

135
00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,320
<font color="#ffff00">and you've go to be ready!</font>

136
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,360
<font color="#00ff00">OK. Got it.</font>

137
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,000
<font color="#ffff00">Give me my cue.</font>

138
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,400
<font color="#00ff00">'Yes, what is it?'</font>

139
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,800
<font color="#ffff00">'I just wanted to put</font>
<font color="#ffff00">these potatoes away.'</font>

140
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,200
<font color="#00ff00">Is there anything more?</font>

141
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,000
<font color="#ffff00">No, that's it.</font>

142
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:36,200
<font color="#ffff00">Now, how do we work out what it is</font>
<font color="#ffff00">that Thomas wants?</font>

143
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,400
<font color="#ffff00">Any ideas?</font>

144
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,440
<font color="#00ff00">Er...to put away the potatoes?</font>

145
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:45,800
<font color="#ffff00">And why would you say that?</font>

146
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:50,800
<font color="#00ff00">Because his only line is, 'I just</font>
<font color="#00ff00">wanted to put these potatoes away.'</font>

147
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,880
<font color="#ffff00">Yes, that's the obvious answer,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I suppose.</font>

148
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,240
<font color="#ffff00">Remember,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">when you have a very small part,</font>

149
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,600
<font color="#ffff00">your job, as an actor,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">is to make it bigger.</font>

150
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:04,480
<font color="#ffff00">I think Thomas really wants to be</font>
<font color="#ffff00">the head of the cook staff</font>

151
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,920
<font color="#ffff00">and actually doesn't want to put</font>
<font color="#ffff00">those potatoes away.</font>

152
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:12,720
<font color="#ffff00">In that way, he can blame the other</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Thomas for not putting them away.</font>

153
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:18,000
<font color="#ffff00">Do you see?</font>

154
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:20,240
<font color="#00ff00">Wow.</font>
<font color="#00ff00">I would never have thought of that.</font>

155
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:23,480
<font color="#ffff00">Well, that's your job as an actor</font>
<font color="#ffff00">to think of these things.</font>

156
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,520
<font color="#ffff00">Right, well, now,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">if you would give me my cue again</font>

157
00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:31,360
<font color="#ffff00">and let me see</font>
<font color="#ffff00">if I have my line memorised.</font>

158
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,400
<font color="#00ff00">(CLEARS THROAT)</font>

159
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,800
<font color="#00ff00">'Yes, what is it?'</font>

160
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:40,840
<font color="#ffff00">Hello.</font>

161
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:47,240
<font color="#ffff00">I'm bringing all of these potatoes</font>
<font color="#ffff00">to put them into that cupboard.</font>

162
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:51,680
<font color="#ffff00">So if you would just excuse me,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">please, I need to squeeze by.</font>

163
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,280
<font color="#00ff00">The line is actually 'I just wanted</font>
<font color="#00ff00">to put these potatoes away.'</font>

164
00:09:57,320 --> 00:10:02,560
<font color="#ffff00">It's all right to paraphrase as long</font>
<font color="#ffff00">as you get the essence of the line.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">And I think I improved it.</font>

165
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,600
<font color="#00ff00">Thanks very much, Freddie.</font>
<font color="#00ff00">I'm learning tons.</font>

166
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:11,600
<font color="#00ff00">You'll </font><font color="#00ff00"> definitely </font><font color="#00ff00"> get </font><font color="#00ff00"> the </font><font color="#00ff00"> part.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Not if you keep applying this</font>
<font color="#ffff00">enormous pressure on me, I'm not!</font>

167
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,240
<font color="#00ff00">Sorry.</font>

168
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,600
<font color="#ffff00">Now I've completely forgotten</font>
<font color="#ffff00">what to do with the potatoes.</font>

169
00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,640
<font color="#ffff00">Oh, for God's sake!</font>

170
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,720
<font color="#ffff00">Go, I don't want you to see me</font>
<font color="#ffff00">like this.</font>

171
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,000
<font color="#00ffff">Just the tiniest bit, darling.</font>

172
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,600
<font color="#00ffff">A little more.</font>

173
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,040
<font color="#00ffff">A little more.</font>

174
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,200
<font color="#00ffff">A little more.</font>

175
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,400
Would you prefer to drink it
straight from the bottle?

176
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:52,840
<font color="#00ffff">I'm a bit on edge, darling.</font>
<font color="#00ffff">I heard from Kristoff again.</font>

177
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:56,040
<font color="#00ffff">He insists I fly to Budapest</font>
<font color="#00ffff">for the weekend, and...</font>

178
00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:59,720
<font color="#00ffff">Well, I don't even want to tell you</font>
<font color="#00ffff">what he wants me to do.</font>

179
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,760
<font color="#00ffff">Unless you really want to know.</font>

180
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,240
I don't.

181
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,040
<font color="#00ffff">But he's so kind.</font>

182
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:09,120
<font color="#00ffff">And when he's not in that mask,</font>
<font color="#00ffff">he has the sweetest face.</font>

183
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,000
Do you want to hear what I think,
Violet?

184
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:17,880
<font color="#00ffff">Of course, darling. You're my best</font>
<font color="#00ffff">friend in the world. And I'm yours.</font>

185
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:21,320
Well...
<font color="#00ffff">What? </font><font color="#00ffff"> We </font><font color="#00ffff"> are </font><font color="#00ffff"> best </font><font color="#00ffff"> friends?</font>

186
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:23,560
We're close friends, yes.

187
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,120
<font color="#00ffff">I thought we were best friends.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Yeah, </font><font color="#ffffff"> we </font><font color="#ffffff"> were.</font>

188
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:30,280
Until you did something 45 years ago
that upset me.

189
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:33,640
And you moved down the ranking.

190
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:36,720
<font color="#00ffff">Oh. But I have no idea</font>
<font color="#00ffff">what it is I did.</font>

191
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:38,760
Oh, I think you do.

192
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:42,320
<font color="#00ffff">So, what's your advice then?</font>
<font color="#ffffff">I </font><font color="#ffffff"> think </font><font color="#ffffff"> you </font><font color="#ffffff"> deserve </font><font color="#ffffff"> better.</font>

193
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:45,840
<font color="#00ffff">Really?</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Yes. </font><font color="#ffffff"> I </font><font color="#ffffff"> find </font><font color="#ffffff"> it </font><font color="#ffffff"> mind </font><font color="#ffffff"> boggling</font>

194
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:49,920
that you should continue to remain
in such a hideous relationship.

195
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:55,400
<font color="#ffff00">I was hoping there might be an</font>
<font color="#ffff00">ambulance outside when I came home</font>

196
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:58,040
<font color="#ffff00">and they would've already</font>
<font color="#ffff00">loaded you in.</font>

197
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,000
(SNIFFS) Did you step in dog shit
or is that just you?

198
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,680
<font color="#ffff00">Well, I have wonderful news,</font>

199
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:07,720
<font color="#ffff00">but since there's nobody good to</font>
<font color="#ffff00">share it with</font>

200
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,760
<font color="#ffff00">I might as well tell you two.</font>

201
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:13,720
<font color="#ffff00">I got the job.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Oh! </font><font color="#00ffff"> Fantastic!</font>

202
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:17,320
<font color="#00ffff">What's </font><font color="#00ffff"> the </font><font color="#00ffff"> part? </font><font color="#ffff00"> I'm going to be</font>
<font color="#ffff00">playing Thomas on Downton Abbey.</font>

203
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,360
<font color="#00ffff">I thought there already was a Thomas</font>
<font color="#00ffff">on that show.</font>

204
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,320
<font color="#ffff00">I'm the other Thomas.</font>

205
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:27,960
Well, whatever you do,
don't change the lines this time.

206
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,400
They don't like it.
<font color="#ffff00">Oh, </font><font color="#ffff00"> shut </font><font color="#ffff00"> up.</font>

207
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,880
<font color="#ffff00">You don't know the first thing</font>
<font color="#ffff00">about acting.</font>

208
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:36,520
<font color="#ffff00">You can't even convince me you're</font>
<font color="#ffff00">sitting on that sofa right now.</font>

209
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,800
<font color="#00ffff">Well, congratulations, Freddie.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Thank </font><font color="#ffff00"> you, </font><font color="#ffff00"> Vi.</font>

210
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,920
<font color="#ffff00">If this goes well, someone</font>
<font color="#ffff00">even mentioned the possibility</font>

211
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,760
<font color="#ffff00">of becoming a regular on the series.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">(DOORBELL)</font>

212
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,800
The 'someone' is him.

213
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,600
<font color="#ffff00">Hello, Ash.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I have good news.</font>

214
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,240
<font color="#ffff00">You know that audition</font>
<font color="#ffff00">you were helping me with?</font>

215
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,280
<font color="#ffff00">Well...</font>
<font color="#00ff00">I </font><font color="#00ff00"> got </font><font color="#00ff00"> a </font><font color="#00ff00"> part </font><font color="#00ff00"> in </font><font color="#00ff00"> a </font><font color="#00ff00"> film!</font>

216
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,400
<font color="#ffff00">I beg your pardon?</font>

217
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:13,880
<font color="#00ff00">It's only a small part in an</font>
<font color="#00ff00">independent film, but it's a start.</font>

218
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,920
<font color="#ffff00">What...</font>

219
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:21,080
<font color="#ffff00">What is he saying?</font>

220
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:24,880
He got a part in a film!

221
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:30,520
We're all very happy for you, Ash.
Aren't we, Freddie?

222
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,560
<font color="#ffff00">(GROANS)</font>

223
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:36,480
This is the best performance
I've ever seen him give.

224
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,280
Are you still alive, sweetie?

225
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,280
Oh, dear!

226
00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:56,720
Oh, come on! Wake up!

227
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:59,680
Your 20th birthday's coming!

228
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:05,680
(HORN)

229
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,480
There we go!

230
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,840
You gave me such a fright!

231
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:18,840
<font color="#ffff00">Morning. </font><font color="#ffffff"> It's getting harder</font>
and harder to wake Balthazar up.

232
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:22,480
When it's time to have him put down,
should I do you both together?

233
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,480
<font color="#ffff00">Whatever you like.</font>

234
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:28,520
Is that all you have to say?
Nothing else?

235
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:30,400
<font color="#ffff00">I can't think of anything.</font>

236
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:33,240
Isn't today the day
you film Downton Abbey?

237
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,400
I think that's thrilling.

238
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,440
<font color="#ffff00">One line. Big deal.</font>

239
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:41,320
Yes, but you're always so excited
when you're working.

240
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,600
<font color="#ffff00">I just don't see the point, Stuart.</font>

241
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,640
<font color="#ffff00">All these years, toiling away.</font>

242
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:50,760
<font color="#ffff00">And then some young nobody, whose</font>
<font color="#ffff00">father is basically a murderer...</font>

243
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,680
<font color="#ffff00">..gets a part in a film</font>
<font color="#ffff00">in his first audition.</font>

244
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:58,720
Well, beginners luck.

245
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:03,960
And you said yourself this could turn
into a regular role. <font color="#ffff00">Not likely.</font>

246
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:07,600
<font color="#ffff00">Unless potatoes feature prominently</font>
<font color="#ffff00">in an upcoming storyline.</font>

247
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:13,920
Would it help if you said something
awful about my face or my body?

248
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,280
<font color="#ffff00">Not really.</font>

249
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:21,200
(DOORBELL) Would you rub lotion on
Balthazar's bald spots?

250
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,200
<font color="#ffff00">Don't leave me long!</font>

251
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,240
Oh, Christ!

252
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,800
Oh, Violet, thank God.
Freddie's in a bad way.

253
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:36,320
<font color="#00ffff">Is that because of Ash getting</font>
<font color="#00ffff">the shirtless part in that film?</font>

254
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:39,360
Yes. He's very depressed,

255
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,240
and why do you have a suitcase?

256
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:44,920
<font color="#00ffff">I'm taking your advice. I'm</font>
<font color="#00ffff">going to Hungary to see Kristoff.</font>

257
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,680
That wasn't my advice!

258
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,920
<font color="#00ffff">Oh, please, can't I go?</font>

259
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,840
For God's sake, Violet,
I need you here.

260
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:55,960
Freddie's an absolute mess.

261
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,920
<font color="#00ffff">I'm sure you're exaggerating.</font>
<font color="#00ffff">It can't be that bad.</font>

262
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,960
<font color="#ffff00">Oh, hello, Violet.</font>

263
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,960
<font color="#ffff00">You look lovely today.</font>

264
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:13,640
<font color="#ffff00">Stuart, my love...</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I'm going upstairs.</font>

265
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,720
<font color="#ffff00">I'll miss you.</font>

266
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,560
<font color="#00ffff">Holy shit!</font>

267
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:26,080
Well, I told you!
See, you can't go away now.

268
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:29,160
<font color="#00ffff">It's worse than I thought.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Ever </font><font color="#ffffff"> since </font><font color="#ffffff"> Ash </font><font color="#ffffff"> got </font><font color="#ffffff"> that </font><font color="#ffffff"> part,</font>

269
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,720
Freddie has completely lost
his confidence.

270
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,760
He's become attentive
and kind and loving.

271
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,480
I can't live like this!

272
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,920
<font color="#00ffff">Well, what are we going to do?</font>

273
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:45,000
Well, we must convince Ash, somehow,
to turn down that film.

274
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:49,480
<font color="#ffff00">Stewie, will you give me a bath,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">please?</font>

275
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:52,920
I swear, if I go up there,
I'll drown her.

276
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,200
You've got to help me.

277
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,240
<font color="#00ffff">All right, fine.</font>

278
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:02,080
Oh, thank you, Violet.
You're the best friend I ever had.

279
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,120
<font color="#00ffff">Oh, now I'm your best friend?</font>

280
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,960
<font color="#00ffff">I suppose I'm finally forgiven</font>

281
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,880
<font color="#00ffff">for leaving you alone at that</font>
<font color="#00ffff">New Year's Eve party 45 years ago.</font>

282
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:11,960
I knew you remembered!

283
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,000
<font color="#00ffff">Dammit!</font>

284
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:19,920
Ash is going to be here any moment.
You remember what to do?

285
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,400
<font color="#00ffff">Yes. Although it seems</font>
<font color="#00ffff">rather far-fetched.</font>

286
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:24,960
<font color="#00ffff">How is this going to get him</font>
<font color="#00ffff">to give up the part?</font>

287
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:28,360
All we do is chip away at his
self-confidence,

288
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:32,000
make him feel ugly and untalented,

289
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,640
until he believes
he's completely worthless.

290
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,680
(DOORBELL)
It's easy.

291
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,280
I've been doing it to Freddie
for years.

292
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,480
Oh, Ash, come in.

293
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,280
You remember our friend Violet.

294
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,320
<font color="#00ff00">Hi.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Sit, </font><font color="#ffffff"> sit, </font><font color="#ffffff"> sit.</font>

295
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:52,680
Oh. Is that always how you walk?

296
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,280
<font color="#00ff00">What do you mean?</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Oh, </font><font color="#ffffff"> nothing.</font>

297
00:17:56,320 --> 00:18:00,360
It's just I never noticed it before.
It's sort of...

298
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:04,400
(COUNTRY ACCENT)
Hello, I'm Ash. This is how I walk.

299
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:08,320
<font color="#00ffff">I'm sure we can fix it, darling.</font>

300
00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,360
<font color="#00ffff">Maybe with leg braces.</font>

301
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,000
Now, tell us all about this film.

302
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,720
<font color="#00ff00">Well, it's about this guy -</font>

303
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,680
And is your speech impediment
part of your character

304
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:20,960
or are you going to be speaking
properly?

305
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,320
<font color="#00ff00">I didn't realise I had a</font>
<font color="#00ff00">speech impediment. </font><font color="#ffffff"> Oh. </font><font color="#00ffff"> Well, </font><font color="#00ffff"> you </font><font color="#00ffff"> do.</font>

306
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,080
<font color="#00ffff">But let's change the subject.</font>

307
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:29,920
<font color="#00ffff">Now, when did you get so chubby?</font>

308
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:35,200
Violet, please,
he can't help that!

309
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,640
Or his gigantic head.

310
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:42,040
<font color="#00ff00">Can I have a drink?</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Yes, </font><font color="#ffffff"> of </font><font color="#ffffff"> course, </font><font color="#ffffff"> yes.</font>

311
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,080
This is a celebration!

312
00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:48,280
Is it all right to mix alcohol with
your anti-depressants?

313
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:53,040
<font color="#00ff00">I don't take anti-depressants.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">That </font><font color="#ffffff"> explains </font><font color="#ffffff"> a </font><font color="#ffffff"> lot.</font>

314
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:57,080
<font color="#00ff00">I'm usually very happy.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Who </font><font color="#ffffff"> are </font><font color="#ffffff"> you </font><font color="#ffffff"> trying </font><font color="#ffffff"> to </font><font color="#ffffff"> convince, </font><font color="#ffffff"> Ash?</font>

315
00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:59,120
Me or you?

316
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:01,160
(MOBILE RINGS)
<font color="#00ff00">Excuse me.</font>

317
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,880
<font color="#00ff00">Hello?</font>

318
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,760
<font color="#00ffff">You're going to hell.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Yes, </font><font color="#ffffff"> and </font><font color="#ffffff"> you're </font><font color="#ffffff"> going </font><font color="#ffffff"> with </font><font color="#ffffff"> me.</font>

319
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:11,880
<font color="#00ff00">Really?</font>

320
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,920
<font color="#00ff00">Yes, I understand.</font>

321
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,920
<font color="#00ff00">Of course.</font>

322
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,520
<font color="#00ff00">OK. Thanks.</font>

323
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,240
What's wrong?
<font color="#00ff00">I </font><font color="#00ff00"> just </font><font color="#00ff00"> got </font><font color="#00ff00"> fired </font><font color="#00ff00"> from </font><font color="#00ff00"> the </font><font color="#00ff00"> film.</font>

324
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:25,080
(GASPS)
What great...ly upsetting news.

325
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:30,000
<font color="#00ffff">What happened, darling?</font>
<font color="#00ff00">They've gone a different way</font>
<font color="#00ff00">with the character.</font>

326
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,080
<font color="#00ff00">It's because I'm a monster,</font>
<font color="#00ff00">isn't it?</font>

327
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:36,480
<font color="#ffff00">Hello, everyone.</font>

328
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,480
<font color="#ffff00">Stuart, honey bun...</font>

329
00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:46,000
<font color="#ffff00">..would you hold my hand, please,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">and walk me towards the kitchen?</font>

330
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:50,720
Freddie, Ash has some news,
I'm afraid.

331
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,760
<font color="#ffff00">Is he nominated for an Oscar?</font>

332
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,760
<font color="#00ff00">I got fired.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Oh...</font>

333
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:57,800
<font color="#ffff00">No.</font>

334
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,280
We're all devastated.

335
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,520
<font color="#ffff00">There are so many disappointments</font>
<font color="#ffff00">in this business, Ash.</font>

336
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,800
<font color="#ffff00">I've been a successful actor</font>
<font color="#ffff00">for decades</font>

337
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,480
<font color="#ffff00">and even I have the occasional</font>
<font color="#ffff00">bad day.</font>

338
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,680
<font color="#00ff00">I don't think I could ever be</font>
<font color="#00ff00">as successful as you.</font>

339
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:15,520
<font color="#ffff00">Of course not. I just filmed</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Downton Abbey for Christ sake!</font>

340
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:20,760
<font color="#00ff00">Yeah, I'm not sure acting's for me.</font>

341
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,800
<font color="#ffff00">I don't think it is either.</font>

342
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,200
Would you care to stay for dinner,
Ash?

343
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,840
<font color="#00ff00">No, thanks. I feel kind of fat.</font>

344
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:32,240
<font color="#00ff00">Would you excuse me, please?</font>
<font color="#00ff00">I think I'm going to go upstairs.</font>

345
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,280
<font color="#00ff00">I'm actually a bit depressed.</font>

346
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,160
<font color="#ffff00">Did you ever notice</font>
<font color="#ffff00">how odd his walk is?</font>

347
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,960
I am so excited!

348
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,080
Did you really get to meet
Maggie Smith?

349
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:57,120
<font color="#ffff00">Oh, yes.</font>

350
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:01,720
<font color="#ffff00">She told me she liked my jumper.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Oh, </font><font color="#ffffff"> Freddie!</font>

351
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,520
<font color="#ffff00">I know.</font>

352
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:09,000
<font color="#ffff00">Most actors only dream of Maggie</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Smith complimenting their jumpers.</font>

353
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:12,240
<font color="#ffff00">Oh, here it comes.</font>

354
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,280
<font color="#ffff00">My scene.</font>

355
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:17,120
<font color="#ffff00">Balthazar, Daddy's scene is next.</font>

356
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,240
<font color="#ffff00">Kick him. Is he still alive?</font>

357
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,680
He's fine.

358
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,720
<font color="#ffff00">Here it comes!</font>

359
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:34,720
<font color="#ffff00">Well, what did you think?</font>

360
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,040
That was it?

361
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:39,720
<font color="#ffff00">Yes.</font>

362
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,720
You were very good.

363
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,760
<font color="#ffff00">Thank you.</font>

364
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:49,000
<font color="#ffff00">Did you notice I dropped a potato?</font>
<font color="#ffffff">I </font><font color="#ffffff"> did.</font>

365
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,920
<font color="#ffff00">I wasn't supposed to,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">but they kept it in.</font>

366
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,560
<font color="#ffff00">What is wrong with your stomach?</font>

367
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,720
<font color="#ffff00">It sounds like an ocean liner</font>
<font color="#ffff00">sinking.</font>

368
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,280
<font color="#ffff00">Thank God your wheezing</font>
<font color="#ffff00">is drowning it out.</font>

369
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,680
God, you were shit.

370
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,440
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