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- Three words to describe Victoria Wood? 
- Three words?

2
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Oh...

3
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Oh, now that's difficult. Erm?

4
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Er...

5
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I have to think of good words.

6
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I could describe her in six words.

7
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- What have other people said? 
- Hysterical.

8
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Best friend, please.

9
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Funny, real...

10
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daft.

11
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It's true, innit?

12
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Multi-talented phenomenon.

13
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Funny, lower case.

14
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There are too many. I can't give it three.

15
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Funny, upper case.

16
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Funny, funny, funny.

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And funny in double extra-large letters.

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Vic is the queen.

19
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Very, very funny, very, very intelligent and very down to earth.

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I bow. I bow.

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Will that do?

22
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So here I am!

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If I meet people that don't get her humour or whatever,

24
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I think, "Well, can't really be friends with them."

25
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She is, as a writer, off the wall.

26
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Where's Mrs O? It's only her macaroons that kept me going.

27
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I find myself thinking, "It's just one marvellous joke after another."

28
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My favourite moment in a theatre ever was a Victoria Wood moment.

29
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- I love him really. 
- She's a hoot, isn't she?

30
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Is it on the trolley?

31
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I think the first words I ever remember Victoria Wood saying

32
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were "shag pile".

33
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Now that's the blue of our Margaret's shower curtain there.

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- Where? 
- Them varicose veins there.

35
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A kind of kaleidoscope, isn't she?

36
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She switches something round and something else wonderful happens.

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'It's so long since I'd had a mince pie,

38
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'I suppose I'd forgotten how to eat it.

39
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'Somehow I missed my mouth altogether

40
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'and put it straight in my eye.'

41
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I think it's absolutely fair to say that Victoria changed the comedy landscape.

42
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Different pants for different moods with me. M&S, BHS, C&A, PMT.

43
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Feels like you're meeting somebody who's incredibly bright but could have lived a street away from you.

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Thank God she's there. There's somebody funny to laugh at that is, apparently, female.

45
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It never bothered me when you looked like Tommy Cooper.

46
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Really glad I met her. I suppose I should stand up

47
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and bump my head on the microphone, but I'm not going to.

48
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I hope that she knows the world loves her, cos they do.

49
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APPLAUSE

50
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Eh, eh.

51
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I'm meeting a man tonight.

52
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I'm going on a proper date.

53
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He's taking me to a creperie.

54
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We're going to creep in, have a crepe and creep out again.

55
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'I still get muddled up with Pam Ayers.'

56
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Another person stopped me and said, "You were absolutely brilliant."

57
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I thought he said, "You ARE absolutely brilliant." "OK. Thank you so much. "

58
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He said, "You were absolutely brilliant in Mamma Mia!"

59
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I went, "I wasn't in Mamma Mia. That was Julie Walters."

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Thank you.

61
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- How self-conscious do you feel when we're doing things like this, when you're...? 
- Not at all.

62
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But then I'm not the one walking backwards.

63
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Go on, Luce, you can do it!

64
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Eh! How's that? Is that a good 'un?

65
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'I was always comfortable with it.'

66
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I was always took it as a great sign that... Mind that sign.

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I took it as a sign that what I was doing was working.

68
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That I was on the telly and people knew who I was.

69
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Ooh, hello!

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- They've been signed by you. 
- They're signed already?

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In Liverpool.

72
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- Well, they're very nice, I must say. 
- Do you like it? 
- Yes.

73
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I've never understood people who go into show business then complain their privacy's been invaded

74
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by people asking for autographs, cos to me that's part of the job.

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Big sign coming up.

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Look, if I go out of the photo...

77
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'I don't get recognised a huge amount. I never get hassled.

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'Maybe people will look twice because they've seen me on the telly.'

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It's a very minimal thing in my case. Big tree stump coming up.

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It's not a big thing.

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- Thank you. 
- You're welcome. 
- Thank you so much. 
- Bye.

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'Ello.

83
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I'm looking for me friend.

84
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Kimberly.

85
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People are lovely, so nice. They used to say, "We really like your work."

86
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Now they say, "We've liked you for years and years."

87
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You think, "You don't have to mention how many years."

88
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Have you seen 'er?

89
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I didn't know whether I could make a career out of it.

90
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I mean, at university, I was a real big flop

91
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and I always had this feeling there was something that I could do.

92
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I couldn't quite nail down what it was, because there was no role model for me, really,

93
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as a woman stand up or even sitting at the piano singing.

94
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There was really nobody else doing that.

95
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So I was very much blundering about in the dark.

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# Mum is glad I'm not rough and she loves me enough

97
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# To tell me, twice

98
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# What she doesn't know And I hope it doesn't show

99
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# Is that I hate being nice. #

100
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I think the most important thing about Victoria was that she changed

101
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everything, not just in women's comedy on television,

102
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but in comedy in general on television.

103
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She was the one who broke the grip of the old Footlights tradition.

104
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It had given us a lot. It still does,

105
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but it needed expanding and she was the one who did it.

106
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On her own, actually.

107
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Just coming out of the north like a new, great wave...

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a one-person, invading army.

109
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I come out of toilet and he says,

110
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"Eh, scallop face, your skirt's caught up in your knickers at back!"

111
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I said, "Know why?" He says, "Why?"

112
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"Cos that's latest fashion. I read it in a boook."

113
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He says, "What boook?" I said, "Vogue, that's what boook."

114
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"Oh, likely, likely. When do you read Vogue?"

115
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I said, "When I'm in hospital having exploratory surgery."

116
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- He said, "Oh." 
- He didn't? 
- He did.

117
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Vic was outside of any of the supposed scenes,

118
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either the Oxbridge scene or the alternative scene.

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And, in fact, I later discovered that Vic had come this kind of circuitous route.

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Quite similar to Len, actually.

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I wasn't like the alternative comics who came up a few years later,

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who were very much a band of brothers.

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I was just on my own, living in a bedsit in Birmingham and really not knowing at all...

124
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I was clueless, except I did have, you know, some core of self-belief

125
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that I could actually make it work somehow. I didn't know how.

126
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Yes, it's the New Faces Winners Show

127
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with Les Dennis.

128
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When I was at university in Birmingham,

129
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New Faces was shot at the ATV studios in Birmingham

130
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and it was the big talent show to be on.

131
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Victoria Wood. Jess and the Gingerbreads.

132
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New Faces was about people who wanted to get into show business,

133
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people who were in show business that needed television to launch their career a bit further.

134
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It was the one to be on and a friend was a make-up girl on it.

135
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The day I auditioned, there was a queue of people round the block

136
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at the Dolce Vita nightclub where they were holding the auditions

137
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and she put my application form to the top of the pile and so I was able to be seen.

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Otherwise I never would have got seen or got on the telly.

139
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This young lady, well, what can you say about someone?

140
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She's just finished at Birmingham University

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after gaining an honours degree in drama.

142
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You always used to get huge viewing figures... 17, 18 million a week...

143
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and the impact was like X Factor is now.

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Please welcome Victoria Wood.

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APPLAUSE

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New Faces was actually a wonderful way to catapult her on.

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# There's a tin in the office cupboard

148
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# Labelled "Lorraine"

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# Because I've gone and get engaged again

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# I wonder what they'll give me?

151
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# Money would be ideal

152
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# Probably be something practical

153
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# In stainless steel... #

154
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I thought that was it. I thought, "Sorted!"

155
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You know, I'd been on ATV for three minutes on a Saturday night

156
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and I've won, so really, you know, what's the problem?

157
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Then, a few years later, I'm still sitting in a bedsit thinking,

158
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"Mm? Nothing's happened."

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# I'll be back at social security

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# Queuing up to be abused

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# To be listed

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# On a card index

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# A singer, slightly used. #

164
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'That's Life! seemed like a big thing, but I was very unenterprising and I didn't really have an agent.'

165
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Although I was on telly every two weeks to an audience of 50 million,

166
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the songs were not particularly interesting, cos they were based on current events

167
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and things Esther asked me to write that were in the news.

168
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I could have used that as a launching pad, but sadly

169
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didn't have the nous to capitalise on this.

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# Ever heard of being happy?

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# Ever heard of fun?

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# Why this wonderful impression of a hot cross bun? #

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I first noticed her when she did her first little stage show in London.

174
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She was on stage with a couple of my friends.

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I was living in the same house as the friends and they took me along.

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And I think it's fair to say that Victoria stood out.

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She had this super weapon, of course,

178
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she could write the music and sing it.

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- Young people these days turn to each other's private parts... 
- Out of sheer boredom. 
- They do.

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- They do. 
- In my day, it wasn't the same. 
- Of course, it wasn't.

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Kept myself happy for years with a couple of bobbins and a crochet hook.

182
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'The minute I realised I had found my voice...'

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Cos every comedian, every writer, has to have their own voice.

184
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And up until the point that you find your voice, you're really, you know,

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you're wandering around in the wilderness, echoing people who've gone before.

186
00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:32,200
It was in '78. I was at the Bush Theatre in Shepherd's Bush.

187
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I was doing a revue that Julie Walters was in and I was just one of the writers.

188
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I didn't understand the humour of the other sketches and then suddenly Vic and Julie

189
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came on and it was total bliss and right up my street.

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The big hit of the evening was her saying to me,

191
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"Well, where are you in the menstrual cycle?"

192
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And I said..."Taurus."

193
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And the whole house just came down every night.

194
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It was like somebody banging a gong.

195
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,800
I wrote this sentence and it was constructed in such a way that it was funny,

196
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whereas everything I'd written before was nearly funny.

197
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There's nothing worse than nearly funny. It's painful.

198
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This was properly funny.

199
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We'll do it properly now, shall we?

200
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:25,440
- Shall we? 
- Could we do it again? 
- Could you? Did you write this?

201
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:32,680
Everything comes down to just that one sketch, meeting Julie in that summer of '78.

202
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So I didn't change so much, as I was in my groove and people started to recognise that.

203
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:41,280
During the course of that, I found out that we had in fact met before.

204
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She said, "We've met before, you know."

205
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I looked at her and I said, "Were you at Manchester Poly?"

206
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She said, "Yeah. Were you there in a green cardigan?" I said, "Yeah."

207
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,680
And she didn't get in. They've never lived it down.

208
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:56,520
And I've told everybody. I've told all the press, absolutely everyone.

209
00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:02,040
Till eventually I got a letter from the chancellor, or whatever the head of it's called, I can't remember,

210
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:05,000
saying, "Please! We are sorry she didn't get in!"

211
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,240
David Leland, who was a theatre director,

212
00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:10,480
who was doing a new play season at The Crucible in Sheffield...

213
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:13,960
he saw that show at the Bush Theatre with Julie and I, and said to me,

214
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,840
"Have you ever thought of writing a play?" No, I hadn't.

215
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,800
He said, "Why don't you try and write one?" So I wrote one.

216
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:24,960
And there was a large brown envelope through the letterbox.

217
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:30,040
There was nothing in the envelope, but written on the back of the envelope was the plot for Talent.

218
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:33,400
He said, "If you can think of an idea, put it through my letterbox."

219
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,120
I did it in the night so I wouldn't have to talk to him.

220
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,720
He said, "OK, write it." I'd never written a play.

221
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,120
I thought, "That's easy."

222
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:43,320
I wrote it in three weeks. I never changed it or anything.

223
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:44,840
We might not win.

224
00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:47,080
No. We might get spotted.

225
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:52,840
The man at the audition said a BBC producer come in once.

226
00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:56,280
But they don't take girls from offices to be on the television.

227
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,760
They do!

228
00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,520
What about Pam Ayers?

229
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:04,320
I was writing from the heart and I was writing with all that, you know, enthusiasm and energy.

230
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:08,120
All the plays I wrote after that I put in the bin as I was so self-critical.

231
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,120
But with Talent, I don't think I was...

232
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:14,280
I thought, "David knows. I'll write it for him, he can say if he likes it or not."

233
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,080
What's the name of the programme?

234
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:18,440
Wood And Walters. Studio six.

235
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:22,880
Nope. Sorry. It's not down here.

236
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:27,480
Wood And Walters came about because we'd done Talent at Granada for Peter Eckersley,

237
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:31,640
who was head of drama, and he asked me if I wanted to have my own show.

238
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,640
Have you no form of identification?

239
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,920
Oh, show him your birthmark, Julie.

240
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:41,760
I said, "I don't want to carry a whole show on my own. Can Julie be in it as well?"

241
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:46,760
And that's... And we sat in a room for a day before anybody thought of the title, Wood And Walters.

242
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:52,440
- I am Victoria Wood. This is Julie Walters. 
- Good evening.

243
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:56,800
- The original title was Two Creatures, Great And Small. 
- Or Wood Is Thicker Than Walters.

244
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,520
Wood And Walters was like nothing on earth.

245
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:07,440
Well, it was like some old people's home's day out.

246
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:13,200
Ancient. I think they must have driven round in a bus saying,

247
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:17,200
"If you don't like laughing, you know, get on this bus and we'll go to Granada

248
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:20,760
"and we'll show you some sketches you won't enjoy." It was painful.

249
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,880
"Ooh, I don't know who... Who are they?"

250
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:24,160
You'd hear a lot of that.

251
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,720
Welcome to Wood And Walters, the comedy show with a difference.

252
00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:30,640
- It's off-beat. 
- It's zany. 
- It doesn't get laughs.

253
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:34,640
And Ted Robins was our warm-up man and he was so desperate...

254
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:39,080
I mean, he could only have been a boy then, cos this is 30 years ago.

255
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,720
Or 35 years ago.

256
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,560
He actually dropped his trousers

257
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,760
and showed his bare bottom to an old lady.

258
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,520
She'd been through two world wars and a depression.

259
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,440
It'd take more than Ted's bum to make her crack a smile.

260
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:54,040
Before we go any further, I'd like to say there's no canned laughter.

261
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:58,440
- But we have been promised it will be here before the end of the programme. 
- Yeah.

262
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:01,200
The show was successful. The series was successful.

263
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,880
But it was hard doing it in those circumstances.

264
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:07,960
- What does a producer do? 
- He comes down at the end and tells you how good it was.

265
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:16,560
I knew it wasn't really very good and so I was a bit, you know, distressed about it.

266
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,880
I had a very different set-up at the BBC, because I had Geoff Posner,

267
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:26,720
who produced and directed, who had a very great grip on the whole thing.

268
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,880
So I had a very, very solid base from which to work.

269
00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:33,920
Happy with your wash?

270
00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:37,040
- Yes. 
- How about close up?

271
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:38,840
Yes!

272
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:42,200
I went to visit her in Preston in this lovely little house she had,

273
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:44,480
and sitting on the floor was Julie Walters.

274
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:45,960
I introduced myself to her.

275
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,640
The three of us read all of series one of As Seen On TV

276
00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:52,800
and I just had trouble in keeping a straight face.

277
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,400
Did you go and see Macbeth?

278
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:58,160
Uh! It wasn't a patch on Brigadoon.

279
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:03,000
There was some terrible woman who kept washing her hands, saying she'd never get them clean.

280
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,480
I felt like shouting out, "Try Swarfega!"

281
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:10,800
The quality of the writing was just absolutely extraordinary, even in those days.

282
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:14,360
Right from the word go, Victoria was writing all of those wonderful

283
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:18,480
little phrases and sentences and rhythms that she's really famous for.

284
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,480
- We walked out in the end. 
- Why?

285
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,400
Someone said "womb".

286
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:25,200
- No. 
- Mm. I said to Col, "Get your duffel!

287
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,960
"£2 on a box of Quality Street and someone says womb."

288
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:34,000
I just learned in the interim what you needed to do to put a good sketch show together.

289
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:37,240
- Is Tony still in the SAS? 
- No, he left. 
- Well, you have to be

290
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:40,000
incredibly tough to stick it. The violence and...

291
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,520
Oh, and then of course the balaclava was so itchy.

292
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,240
I was aware of Victoria of course

293
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,600
from New Faces and for That's Life! and so on.

294
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,400
I liked what she did, but it wasn't until As Seen On TV

295
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:54,040
and me finding that that I became this sort of obsessive, stalking fan

296
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:57,320
who has now learnt virtually every script she's ever written.

297
00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:01,520
- Our next-doors had sex again last night. 
- Not again!

298
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,080
I mean, I like a joke,

299
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,440
but that's twice this month!

300
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:11,040
I could not think what the noise was.

301
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:14,000
I thought our central heating had come on a month early.

302
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:19,200
Then I heard someone shout, "Oh, don't bother, Ken! I'll do it meself!"

303
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,000
Most sketch shows these days,

304
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:24,320
it seems to be a requirement they're hit and miss in the listings.

305
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,000
But I don't think there's any misses with Victoria.

306
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,440
It was always gem after gem.

307
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,080
How's Plymouth looking?

308
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,240
Either way, Alan, either way.

309
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:35,680
It's on hold. I feel personally that Plymouth could be another Exeter.

310
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:36,840
That's interesting.

311
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:39,480
I'm keeping an ear to the ground with Plymouth.

312
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:42,560
I think what the regional boys tend to forget...

313
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,360
- Tim. 
- Alan.

314
00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,400
Just coffee, thank you.

315
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,240
Yah, the regional boys...

316
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,360
Yes, just coffee for me, too, please.

317
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,680
You never know how anything's going to really be received,

318
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:59,800
but, yeah, I mean, we just knew how funny the sketches were.

319
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,560
No matter what, we knew that they were really funny

320
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,640
and if Wood And Walters was successful, this had to be.

321
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,360
Have you seen it?

322
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,720
- Erm... 
- Have you seen it on the trolley?

323
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,160
Just two coffees. No sweet.

324
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,520
Two coffees. No sweet.

325
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,920
That's it. What was I...? The Isle of Wight.

326
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:18,080
Have you seen it on the trolley?

327
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,600
No. Yes, thank you.

328
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,640
Is it a sorbet?

329
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,960
Just two coffees, thank you.

330
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,880
Now, Plymouth...

331
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,320
Can you point at it?

332
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:31,520
There's a degree of surreality in that.

333
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:34,640
It's these two worlds which are not meeting one another.

334
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,160
On paper, that must have looked...

335
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:40,840
"I don't know that this is terribly funny. " The moment she does it...

336
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:45,080
And if you listen to the lines, there's nothing there really to hang your hat on.

337
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:46,480
But it's priceless.

338
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,640
We just want the old cafe... coffee.

339
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:51,720
I'll handle this, Tim, thanks very much.

340
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,880
- Coffee? 
- Coffee.

341
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:55,920
Is it on the trolley?

342
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,720
So many things are in there that I think

343
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:01,480
now seem like they've always been done,

344
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:05,160
but I don't think you could trace them back past her, you know.

345
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,840
I think she did relish the telly format and use it.

346
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:12,480
And, later on, we have the British premiere of the rarely-performed

347
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:17,600
Spanish opera by Leopoldo Gutierrez, Miseria En Una Lavanderia.

348
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,880
I'm wasted here, really, aren't I?

349
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,520
I was reading for a different character, in fact.

350
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,800
I was reading to play Celia Imrie's daughter in Acorn Antiques.

351
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,600
Then she gave me these monologues.

352
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,160
Hello, just time for a quick weather check.

353
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,000
I'm afraid the promised heat wave never arrived.

354
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:37,080
I was quite relieved actually because, whenever it's hot,

355
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,880
a lot of the girls here come to work in sleeveless tops

356
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:43,080
and some of them are very overweight and I get quite depressed

357
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,000
having to look at their enormous arms all day long.

358
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,720
I started reading one. I couldn't get through them - so funny.

359
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:52,720
Of course, obesity is a tremendous problem for a lot of people,

360
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:56,920
a lot of weak-willed, self-indulgent guzzlers, that is.

361
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,200
Anyway, the weather.

362
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,480
# Shock, shock, horror, horror... #

363
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:04,040
I've had a lot of very lovely letters asking me where I buy

364
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:07,080
the various tops and blouses I wear to the studio day by day.

365
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,960
Well, obviously I can't reply to you all personally,

366
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:14,400
so I'll just take this opportunity to say to those who took the trouble to write in,

367
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,440
mind your own business.

368
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,960
# The female of the species

369
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,320
# Is more deadly than the male. #

370
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,880
I think it's just the strain of having someone flapping their hands

371
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:28,360
over my shoulder like a demented chicken.

372
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:33,840
And now, disestablishmentarianism in Krakatoa, east of Java.

373
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,480
Do that without chipping your nail varnish!

374
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:38,000
'I just looked up and smiled'

375
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:41,320
and they started laughing. It was the most wonderful feeling.

376
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,280
Vic had got it absolutely right...

377
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,240
this monstrous person.

378
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:46,680
It was not hard to do.

379
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,560
We'd like to apologise to viewers in the north.

380
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,440
It must be awful for them.

381
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,080
That's, what, about 12 words or something?

382
00:19:56,080 --> 00:20:00,880
Fabulous. I think it says so much about,

383
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,200
you know, how we feel, how the media treats us.

384
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,200
What the south actually thinks of us.

385
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:09,360
And yet we can all laugh at it. We can all find that hilarious.

386
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:12,600
It's really, really, on so many levels, hilarious and clever.

387
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:16,080
# Pretend to be northern

388
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,760
# Just smile and act dense

389
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,440
# Just sing something northern

390
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,200
# It doesn't have to make sense

391
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,880
# Make a list of northern cliches

392
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,840
# And you can't go wrong

393
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,840
# Put in any order

394
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,960
# You've got a northern song. #

395
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:34,720
There was a lot of criticism when the series first came out I remember

396
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:37,000
and the northernness of it was one of those.

397
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,040
# Wigan, a Blackpool tram

398
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:41,800
# Brass band, butties in your hands

399
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,560
# Whippets and next-door's man. #

400
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:48,160
It was a very unfair criticism because she spoke with the language that she grew up with,

401
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:52,800
and she also addressed people in a way that they perhaps had never been addressed before.

402
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:56,480
- By the thump, Minnie Colwell, you take the barm cake! 
- Oh, leave her be.

403
00:20:56,480 --> 00:21:01,360
You 'ave a chip on your shoulder that big, Jackson's chippie couldn't come up wi' vinegar.

404
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:05,120
Put a pikelet in it, and you might hear summat to your own advantage.

405
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:11,200
I don't want to be a professional northerner, but it is hugely important to me

406
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:14,440
that I am from somewhere and it is somewhere that has its own identity

407
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:18,120
and it is somewhere that has a huge percentage of comedians, actually.

408
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:20,880
Liverpool and Lancashire has the most, probably.

409
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:29,520
That gave her access of course to a whole range of experience

410
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,120
of life, of accents, of class,

411
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:36,200
that added so much colour to the entire picture,

412
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:38,720
which had been rather provincial before that.

413
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:40,160
Me dad was in the band.

414
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:41,520
Will he 'eck as like!

415
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:48,400
She manages to touch everybody's life by making observations

416
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:54,400
that might come from the north in her, but which are universally applicable.

417
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,480
Well, can I join?

418
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,040
Well, boys?

419
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:11,880
Shall we have a woman in the Associated Fettlers and Warp and Wefter Justice Silver Band?

420
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,400
No!

421
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:16,760
Sorry, love.

422
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:18,440
No, fair enough.

423
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:21,040
Is she from the north? Yes, she is.

424
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,760
Is she a northern-style comic?

425
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,880
No. She's a comedian.

426
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:28,680
My mother, like a lot of mothers in the 1950s, used sweets as a reward.

427
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,400
If you were good, did your jobs, you got your sweets.

428
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:34,080
If you did dry-stone walling, you got Maltesers.

429
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,160
She was just such a breath of fresh air, really,

430
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,640
because it was like, you kind of looked at her and went,

431
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,120
"Oh, hurrah! Someone normal's on the telly."

432
00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:45,880
It ended up in a bedroom with a man who owned a DIY shop.

433
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,160
He ripped off his clothes, said, "What would you like me to do?"

434
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:52,880
"Really, I'd like you to insulate the loft and lag the hot-water tank."

435
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:58,000
Anybody who might have thought that to be a girl comedian,

436
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:02,120
you had to be sort of just like Goldie Hawn,

437
00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:06,840
you had to sort of be dim and blonde and perky...

438
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:12,840
Victoria Wood...is blonde, actually, and perky, but she's far from dim.

439
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:16,120
Ursula Andress was 42. Patricia Hodge was 46.

440
00:23:16,120 --> 00:23:19,520
Barbara Cartland was 103.

441
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:23,800
What am I talking about? Yes, late motherhood.

442
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:27,000
She does deal in kind of...

443
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:31,120
In real life and the comedy of the absurdity of real life.

444
00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:36,000
There's nothing in her humour that says, "Look how clever I am".

445
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:40,840
It's about, "I've spotted this and you've spotted this and we've all spotted this".

446
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:44,280
You can't be an observational comic without an observational audience,

447
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,640
or they wouldn't know what you were talking about.

448
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:49,720
You say something and everyone goes, "Ah, I've always thought that."

449
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,680
I was just the one that said it, that was all.

450
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,680
Do you know, I've scoured this store from top to bottom.

451
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:59,080
Can I find a side-winding thermal body belt? Can I...

452
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:00,480
What did you want one for?

453
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,600
Excuse me. I think you'll find there's Spam on that.

454
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:06,920
Nobody writes sketches like her.

455
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:11,560
Because in that short space of time you really get who the person is

456
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:15,400
and what is being said about them, and people recognise them instantly.

457
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,600
- That gippy kidney. 
- Flared up?

458
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:21,240
Ooh, I'll say. It's like being continually poked.

459
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,560
- Can you imagine that? 
- No.

460
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,680
This is somebody who writes, who does her own shopping.

461
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:28,960
Oh, this is ridiculous!

462
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:31,680
Can I crash by? I'm a diabetic.

463
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:37,680
There's no exclusivity to her humour.

464
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,840
But it's not dumbed down either.

465
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,880
There's a real gift

466
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,760
to reaching out to everyone.

467
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,400
A small mineral water and an orange squash, please.

468
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:50,280
Water and squash down the end by the trays. Tea, coffee?

469
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,960
You've a look of Eva Braun, did you know?

470
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,520
It's something that politicians would kill for.

471
00:24:56,520 --> 00:25:00,160
- What about those Dublin prawns? 
- Never touch prawns. Do you know,

472
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,200
they hang around sewage outlet pipes,

473
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,320
treading water with their mouths open.

474
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,080
They love it!

475
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,920
Aren't prawns an aphrodisiac?

476
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,160
I wouldn't put it past them.

477
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:15,040
Those ones where it was her and Victoria, with Julie Walters,

478
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:18,640
when they're just the pair of them in various situations,

479
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:20,760
that's when there's such a magic.

480
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,520
Our Christmas pudding is down there somewhere,

481
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,880
and you can be sure we shall dig till we get it.

482
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:32,640
And if I find my husband as well, that's all to the good.

483
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,720
How about you, Mum?

484
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,440
Is Hitler's nightly bombardment getting you down?

485
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:41,640
No! The blackout, rationing and being in daily danger of death

486
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,640
have been a real tonic to me.

487
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,280
Victoria and Julie make a terrific double act.

488
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,320
By God!

489
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:51,760
If her bum were a bungalow, she'd never gerra mortgage on it.

490
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:55,760
She's let it drop.

491
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:57,800
I'll say. Never mind knickers.

492
00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,920
She needs a safety net.

493
00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:03,800
Julie is such a comedian that Victoria gets a chance to play the straight man.

494
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,440
You can pick up a lot of extra laughs as a straight man.

495
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:10,080
- You have to clench those buttocks. 
- Do yer?

496
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,760
She'll never ger hers clenched.

497
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:17,800
It'd take two big lads and a wheelbarra'.

498
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:22,040
There is no doubt that Julie brings something really special to Victoria's work

499
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:25,480
and Victoria writes something really special for Julie to do.

500
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:30,920
They understand each other. They just have an amazing chemistry.

501
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:40,400
No, sorry, sorry.

502
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,880
The black ones. They're a flat lace-up.

503
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:43,920
Beg pardon?

504
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:45,360
Well, those aren't flat.

505
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:50,800
Flatter now.

506
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:55,400
Victoria is somehow Captain Sensible

507
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:58,880
compared to...mad Walters.

508
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:00,720
They're in the window.

509
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:02,240
Are they?!

510
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:11,800
We think we've got hens in the skirting board.

511
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:15,040
There's hens in the skirting board!

512
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,160
Yes. That is...

513
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,120
I can't imagine how that...

514
00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:21,480
If you're writing a shoe-shop sketch,

515
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:27,200
it pings into your head, "I'll say that she says there's hens in the skirting board."

516
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,000
She knows what Julie's capable of.

517
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:33,400
She has complete respect for her and the same is true of Julie.

518
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:38,200
She knows that whatever Vic writes it'll be wonderful to perform,

519
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:42,240
great fun and just clever and good.

520
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,680
You've been looking at double-glazing?

521
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,280
Cheap double-glazing, Joan.

522
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:50,080
- With emphasis on the cheap rather than the glazing? 
- Absolutely. So...

523
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:55,400
So in effect, we don't have to spend £3,000 or £4,000 or £5,000 keeping our homes draft free.

524
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:58,280
- No, so... 
- So how do we go about it?

525
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,160
I'm sorry. Could you just move away.

526
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:01,640
Your breath smells.

527
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:08,280
All good, sort of, comedy duos have this telepathy. It just works.

528
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,400
And that's the magic in it, really.

529
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:14,560
It doesn't do sometimes to be too over-analytical about why something works.

530
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,720
It's just lovely to accept it and say, "It does, doesn't it?"

531
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:22,040
This is the highlight of the holiday as far as I'm concerned.

532
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,400
A two-day course in simple mountaineering.

533
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,840
It's a marvellous way for single people to get to know one another,

534
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,320
because in a life and death situation like this

535
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,080
you're totally dependent on your climbing partner.

536
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:34,360
Marjorie, I'm coming up!

537
00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:36,040
OK.

538
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:41,840
If Marjorie were to let her concentration lapse for just one second, I could literally...

539
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:47,160
Well...

540
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:51,480
- That's it. Happy holidays. 
- Bye.

541
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,320
There's a connection.

542
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:58,520
It seems there's always like arrows through their hearts, because,

543
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:06,480
whether it's being absolutely over the top, side-splitting comedy

544
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:10,840
or the most unbearable, heartbreaking tragedy,

545
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:14,080
they seem to have an understanding,

546
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:17,200
both of them, of what's required of the other.

547
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,160
The same things made us laugh.

548
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,120
The same people made us laugh.

549
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:23,960
And so there was already a kind of...

550
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,640
There were short cuts all the time with us

551
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,120
and we made one another laugh.

552
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:32,320
And, yeah, we just got on.

553
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:35,840
The fact that we were together in '78

554
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,280
and that was such a seminal year for me,

555
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:41,720
and this year when we'd finished filming the special

556
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:44,400
and we went over to see Talent,

557
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,560
which was my first play that she and I did on the television.

558
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:51,360
We went to see it... It just had the theatre production in London.

559
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:54,080
And to have been filming with her that day

560
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:57,960
and to be sitting watching that play with her, with two girls

561
00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:00,760
playing our parts, you know, two girls of 25.

562
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:02,680
And it felt really special.

563
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:06,120
I felt really fortunate that we had worked all that time.

564
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:09,000
And she's had an absolutely brilliant career.

565
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:10,520
And I just felt, you know,

566
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:14,120
it was just a lucky thing that we were friends all that time.

567
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,680
Lady with the split ends, can I have your question?

568
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:17,720
Who are you anyway?

569
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:21,200
Shouldn't you be with the people from Guildford? I recognise you now.

570
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:24,120
Thought I got a whiff of Napisan coming across.

571
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,640
Yes, my friend's here.

572
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:31,480
Yes, Miss Julie Walters. Star of Educating Rita, Typhoo One Cup.

573
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:37,800
She does have to go and work with other people, obviously.

574
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:41,880
But, you know, I hope that we'll always do something at some point.

575
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:44,800
That's up to her though, you see. Cos she writes it.

576
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,040
It's no wonder this place is empty.

577
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:48,600
It came as one page.

578
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,280
I saw it very clearly.

579
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:55,040
I knew how far it had to be between the kitchen door and the table.

580
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:58,040
I knew that was the nub of the gag.

581
00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:02,080
And on paper, it looked a very, very ordinary...

582
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:04,840
funny, but ordinary... sketch.

583
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:08,440
We thought, "Will it work?" It made us laugh cos it went on and on and on.

584
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:11,400
That was the gist of the joke really.

585
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:14,960
Then we did the tech run and the crew just...

586
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:17,720
Well...

587
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,920
If you watch very carefully, you can see me biting my lip.

588
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:23,880
Just knew it was a very special sketch.

589
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:24,920
It makes me laugh.

590
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:28,440
I don't watch my sketches, but I watch that cos I'm not in that one.

591
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:30,080
The classic soup line, you know.

592
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:31,240
Two soups, please.

593
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:32,400
Two soups is just...

594
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:34,040
- Two soups. 
- That's two soups.

595
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:35,360
Quite brilliant.

596
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:37,760
And it does make me roar. I love watching it.

597
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:53,760
Ready to order, sir?

598
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:56,080
Madam?

599
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:57,360
- Jane? 
- Er, yes.

600
00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:59,760
What's the soup of the day, please?

601
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:01,560
I'll just go and find out.

602
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:11,840
- What time's your train? 
- 25 to.

603
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:14,120
Oh! Well, that's not too bad.

604
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:41,080
Ready to order, sir?

605
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:44,640
It came from two things. One, lunch with Julie in a hotel in Morecambe.

606
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:49,640
There was a very ancient waitress, but nothing funny happened. She was just an ancient waitress.

607
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:53,080
Then I was in another hotel and saw two people getting very agitated

608
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:57,480
cos they couldn't get hold of the waitress and she didn't bring the thing they wanted.

609
00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:00,320
Those two things lodged in my head and turned into a sketch.

610
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:02,600
We'll have two soups.

611
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:04,200
Two soups.

612
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:15,000
One...

613
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:18,320
..soup.

614
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:21,360
And...

615
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:24,000
another...

616
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:27,240
..soup.

617
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:30,280
Along with, you know, the parrot sketch on Monty Python,

618
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:34,560
what have you, Two Soups is a real comedy classic. I adore that.

619
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:02,280
Two soups.

620
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:07,000
I don't believe this.

621
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,600
These are empty.

622
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:10,120
Waitress!

623
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:13,880
Oh, God preserve us!

624
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:15,200
Look, we'll have to go.

625
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:23,880
Oh, you must have been quite peckish.

626
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:29,160
If ever I have soup... "Oh, yeah! Will it be two?" "No! I just want one."

627
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:32,800
When I was rehearsing Acorn Antiques, The Musical,

628
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:36,920
I was at the counter of the cafeteria in the rehearsal room with Sir Trevor Nunn

629
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:40,960
who blithely ordered two soups then everybody round him burst out laughing.

630
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:43,160
He had no idea what they were laughing at.

631
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:46,480
Hope you enjoyed your meal, sir.

632
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:50,840
No tip.

633
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:52,520
Bastards!

634
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:57,920
I think Victoria is supremely good at sort of

635
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:02,400
puncturing the pomposity of any characters that...

636
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,200
Kitty, for instance, was a perfect example of that.

637
00:35:08,720 --> 00:35:10,200
This wasn't my idea.

638
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:11,640
In fact, had it been up to me,

639
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:14,880
I'd have been on me second cream sherry in Kidderminster by now.

640
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:16,720
Pomposity must always be pricked.

641
00:35:16,720 --> 00:35:19,640
And she does that in lovely, lovely style.

642
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:23,160
First day I met her she said...

643
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:27,440
She said, "I'm a radical feminist lesbian."

644
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:29,640
I thought, "What would the Queen Mum do?"

645
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,520
Kitty was just so cleverly written.

646
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:39,320
Cos on very many levels that was a good attack on women

647
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:42,920
who are just a bit too full of their own air.

648
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:47,920
And I think she's a genius when it comes to that kind of writing.

649
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:50,160
How's this for a sentence?

650
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:53,520
"I shall wait to see myself on TV before I do any more.

651
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:55,760
Fortunately, I've just had my TV mended."

652
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:58,960
Well, I say "mended". A shifty looking youth in plimsolls came

653
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:01,360
and waggled me aerial and wolfed my Gypsy Creams.

654
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:03,600
But that's the comprehensive system for you.

655
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:06,920
Provincial snobbery and la-di-da snobbery.

656
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:08,600
All the variations of that

657
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,800
are things that she punctures relentlessly.

658
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:14,080
So posh people tend to get a bit more of a drubbing,

659
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:15,360
but they can take it.

660
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:17,040
How do you like it in the country?

661
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:18,520
- Very much. 
- Not too quiet?

662
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:20,840
No. There's always something going on.

663
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,360
See those big brown things outside the window.

664
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,120
- Trees? 
- That's it.

665
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:28,560
Round about April they all get sort of green sort of leafy things on.

666
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:32,040
Then round about the end of October they all drop off. It's riveting.

667
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:36,160
A lot of comedy nowadays and a lot of comedians are quiet aggressive,

668
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:39,200
quite abrasive and Victoria isn't.

669
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:40,480
She's observational.

670
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:42,720
She can poke fun at things you do yourself,

671
00:36:42,720 --> 00:36:46,560
but you don't feel that she's being remotely cruel,

672
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:49,480
even though a lot of what she does is quite barbed.

673
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:51,600
It must be nice to be part of a community.

674
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:56,760
Oh, it is. Everyone's so friendly. I cut my leg last month on a mantrap that someone had left out.

675
00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,520
It's a beautifully crafted piece of farm machinery.

676
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:01,960
If you ever get the chance, pop your leg in one.

677
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:05,480
I was just staggering along the road, bleeding fairly profusely,

678
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:09,080
and a tractor came by. I called out, "Is this the way to the hospital?"

679
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:11,560
He said, "No, the other direction." You know.

680
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:19,320
I don't think Victoria has ever lost what she originally had as a writer.

681
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:24,200
What she had done is develop, to the extent that it's sometimes hard to see back to the centre.

682
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,880
There's this central palace of Victoria's talent

683
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,160
and she keeps on adding more outbuildings.

684
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:32,480
And so the whole complex gets harder to analyse.

685
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:36,400
But holding it all together is the ear.

686
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:40,160
She can hear everything. She can hear us now.

687
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:44,520
I've been putting off this confrontation with you, Petrina, which is not like me.

688
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:49,160
- Have you heard the expression "procrastination is the theft of time"? 
- Not really.

689
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,320
No!

690
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:54,360
This is you, Petrina. You're not cultured.

691
00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:58,480
I was humming Vivaldi before I had my first slingbacks.

692
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:00,960
The thing about Vic's writing is...

693
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:04,920
I'm sure she would be OK for me to say this.

694
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,800
It's almost like music,

695
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:10,840
and every note must be sung.

696
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:12,040
Do you know Vivaldi?

697
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:13,600
Ain't he the Four Seasons?

698
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:17,280
Well, I prefer to think of them in the original,

699
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:18,880
the Quattro Formaggi.

700
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:25,080
It's as if she keeps flipping you

701
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:27,480
from word to word and laugh to laugh.

702
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:31,640
And I think that's part of the joy of it,

703
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:35,840
because nowadays you get so little really good use of the English language.

704
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:38,160
I don't like upsetting people.

705
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:41,760
Like the woman who brought back the cerise batwing.

706
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:44,160
I didn't like playing on her paranoia

707
00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:47,280
and taking advantage of her physical defects,

708
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:52,200
but if someone has body odour that could strip pine, they should be told.

709
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:57,120
It always seems to me that it's kind of incredibly well thought through.

710
00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:59,600
It's not that she's just gone, "Oh, that'll do.

711
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:03,760
That custard cream will do." Or, you know, "That Garibaldi will do."

712
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:07,040
It's got to be a Gypsy Cream or whatever it is.

713
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:09,040
Only last night my husband said to me,

714
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:13,880
"Sandra, where is the laughing fairy

715
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:18,440
"that could crochet a crinoline, lady toilet-roll cover

716
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:20,480
"whilst imitating Kiri Te Kanawa?"

717
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:25,440
You're trying to deliver the best thing to the audience,

718
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:28,480
so why would you not try as hard as you can?

719
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:31,320
Why would you not sit and chew your pencil

720
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:33,560
and look out at your bird feeder and think,

721
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:36,480
"What is the very w...? What is the word? There is a word?

722
00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:39,000
One word will be funny. One word won't be funny. "

723
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:40,200
And that's what I'll do

724
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:43,920
to try and make it good for people who have paid their licence fee

725
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:45,400
or paid to sit in the theatre

726
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:49,120
or paid to come and watch me tell a joke. I want it to be right.

727
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:52,360
Oh! I think of myself at your age.

728
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:54,640
I was a sponge for culture.

729
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:58,520
Folk dancing one minute, fingering a Henry Moore the next.

730
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:01,760
Your whole attitude is a baffler, Petrina.

731
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:04,640
Though why anyone would want to buy an angora roll neck

732
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:07,840
from someone whose nipples aren't even level, I don't know!

733
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:13,160
Some words are funny and some words aren't funny, and some words,

734
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:16,360
like "custard cream", have been devalued over the years.

735
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:18,680
I blame myself for that, cos I think it was me

736
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:22,320
that first landed on custard cream as being a hilarious biscuit name.

737
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:26,600
But my other wish is that I don't fall into biscuit territory

738
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:31,280
and I don't fall into just making jokes about custard creams and Vimto and Horlicks.

739
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:34,840
I'm always trying to change what I do and make it different.

740
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:37,280
Hello, Mrs O. How's widowhood treating you?

741
00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:38,520
One mustn't grumble.

742
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:42,680
I sometimes think being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the pill.

743
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:44,280
Still the same Mrs O!

744
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:48,000
I was doing Pirates Of Penzance in Manchester

745
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,920
and we used to obsessively go home after the show

746
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:52,760
and watch the series on video.

747
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:57,600
And we then had a competition to see who could get in a line from one of the sketches,

748
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:01,600
that we used to repeat all the time, into the show on stage.

749
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:04,560
And I actually won the competition

750
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:09,000
when I finished the Pirates Of Penzance by Gilbert and Sullivan by saying,

751
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:14,240
"I think it's time for tonic wine and spongy fingers, and a delicious home-made bhaji."

752
00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:18,080
This calls for some tonic wine and a spongy finger.

753
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:21,440
Yes, Mrs O. I should jolly well think it does.

754
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:24,280
Spongy fingers are funny. How did she know that?

755
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:33,480
- I thought Acorn Antiques was hilarious. 
- I love it.

756
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:35,560
It was so Crossroads, wasn't it?

757
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:36,920
I love it so much.

758
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:41,880
Yes, that's much better.

759
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:44,520
Never fails to make me smile.

760
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:46,040
See? I smile talking about it.

761
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:49,440
Ooh, that sounds like the postman.

762
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:51,600
That looks like an important letter.

763
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:57,400
What you see is...take six. I don't think they managed a proper take.

764
00:41:57,400 --> 00:41:59,640
Here we are then.

765
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,000
Well, it is quite...

766
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:05,120
When I think about it, I think of really great lines like,

767
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:08,360
"Oh, Mrs Overall, I could smell your onion bhajis a mile off."

768
00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:22,920
I used to show everything to my husband then and I showed him that

769
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:25,680
and he said, "That's the only thing I don't quite get."

770
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:27,840
I said, "Trust me. I know this will work."

771
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:31,400
Hello, Mrs O. I thought I'd bring my own coffee cup down today.

772
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:34,200
You know, it still tastes a little bit odd.

773
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:36,360
What sort of a little bit odd?

774
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:39,400
Oh, I don't know. Almost as if someone was trying to kill me.

775
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:43,720
Oh! Babby, you are an old silly billy.

776
00:42:43,720 --> 00:42:49,320
- Get back! 
- Well, you see, I am the majority shareholder in Acorn Antiques since Berta's amnesia.

777
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:52,480
If I were to die, that would certainly suit Cousin Jerez.

778
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:54,960
I was in a soap opera in Scotland many years ago

779
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:58,400
called Take The High Road and so the whole wobbly set thing...

780
00:42:58,400 --> 00:42:59,680
I've been there.

781
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:03,360
Whatever was that terrible bang?

782
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:05,640
Cousin Jerez slamming the door.

783
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:07,960
The Spaniards may have enormous onions,

784
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:10,440
but their manners leave a lot to be desired.

785
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:16,760
I was asked to play this really naff actress in a really ghastly soap.

786
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:18,040
And I thought,

787
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:21,280
"I think this is what she thinks I really am...

788
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:24,560
"some terrible sort of rep actress who's hopeless."

789
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:28,920
No! I mean, Celia... That is a brilliant performance,

790
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:32,880
and it's because she plays it so straight that it is funny.

791
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,400
Babs and Miss Berta, could I have a word?

792
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:42,640
Well, if it's to ask me for another job for my untrustworthy cousin, Jerez, then the answer's no.

793
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:46,440
This last little escapade cost me £32,

794
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:50,880
not to mention apologising to every Asian grocer between here and Manchester.

795
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:52,520
No, it's not that.

796
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:57,880
A lot of the sublime comedy in Acorn Antiques depends on the way it's shot.

797
00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:03,240
The camera angles have to be exactly right if you're trying to prove that they're wrong, for example.

798
00:44:03,240 --> 00:44:05,720
Everything is mistimed and that takes timing.

799
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:12,640
Well, I know Miss Babs. Is she getting a bit fractious?

800
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:16,640
I promised I'd pop up and read them a bit of Simone de Beauvoir.

801
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:18,160
Yes, do clear away, Mrs O.

802
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:21,080
In fact, you may as well clear away the whole darn shop.

803
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:25,040
I do remember the cameramen thinking the sketch show

804
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:26,800
was really polished and good,

805
00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:30,680
but what's suddenly happened now when they're all going wrong?

806
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:35,000
My life seems completely grey, bleak and pointless.

807
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:40,400
Well, yes, sometimes that's God's way of getting you to enjoy Gardeners' World.

808
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:49,520
We never did it in front of the audience because

809
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:53,120
when a person stands up, the natural tendency of a cameraman

810
00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:58,640
is to go up with the person, and you can't stop them doing it.

811
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:00,200
It's just automatic.

812
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:02,160
Who's the sole beneficiary now?

813
00:45:02,160 --> 00:45:05,200
That's the problem.

814
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:07,920
We met in the blackout in 1943.

815
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:11,000
There was a young stage designer, who I remember,

816
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:12,960
just as we were about to start,

817
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:16,600
ran through the shop and stopped the psych that was...

818
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:18,360
The whole street was going...

819
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:21,560
Gently actually. You know, moving.

820
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:25,640
And she didn't understand that that was supposed to happen.

821
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:28,000
Which is very darling. But what do you say?

822
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:31,400
How do you say in the English,

823
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:33,480
"to marry you"?

824
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:37,080
Well, that's not quite the correct jargon, but I do get your drift.

825
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:39,040
I'm sorry, Jerez, it's not possible.

826
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:40,320
Oh! Agh!

827
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:47,320
What are you saying to me?

828
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:51,880
Once they realised what it was, people just went mad about it.

829
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:55,320
Oh, Mrs O! Can't you see we're busy?

830
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:56,920
But this is important.

831
00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:58,840
This is important.

832
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:01,720
Yes. "THIS is important." I said that, didn't I?"

833
00:46:01,720 --> 00:46:05,200
People loved it and loads of letters...

834
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:09,960
Yeah, and someone said there was a Mrs Overall fan club and things like that.

835
00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:11,360
I think mainly gay men!

836
00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:14,480
I'm grey now, Mr Clifford,

837
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:16,400
very grey indeed.

838
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:22,120
Right up until 1947, my hair was red,

839
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:25,080
as red as a London bus.

840
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:31,160
I wasn't aware that it was being played in gay clubs and things like that.

841
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:36,280
I didn't really twig that at all, cos I didn't go to gay men's clubs then,

842
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:38,320
or now actually.

843
00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:41,880
I went to Heaven, which was the most extraordinary experience,

844
00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:44,680
and Mrs Overall was playing in massive...

845
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:46,960
Sort of projected on to the wall.

846
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,520
She's choking on her own macaroon!

847
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:54,640
Get the family doctor!

848
00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:01,320
I didn't like to bother Mr Kenneth. He was having his breakfast.

849
00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:03,720
What was it, muesli?

850
00:47:03,720 --> 00:47:05,640
'Twas it muesli?

851
00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:09,440
You absolutely believed that this woman in her mid-30s,

852
00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:13,320
as she must have been then, was that old woman.

853
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:15,720
The lumpy tights and...

854
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:23,640
There's an episode where she started up a health and sauna thing.

855
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,200
Enjoy your swim.

856
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:31,040
Just leave your antiques in the cubicle. They'll be perfectly safe.

857
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:33,560
Crossroads had decided it had a leisure centre.

858
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:36,760
It was a motel, but suddenly it had a leisure centre and a lake.

859
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:40,760
Whenever Crossroads went into some mad fantasy world, I'd do it in Acorn Antiques.

860
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:45,200
- Berta! Feel better for your run? 
- I certainly do! Running does keep you fit and could be

861
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:49,080
a considerable contributory factor in reducing heart disease.

862
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:51,240
Oh, the leotard, yeah.

863
00:47:51,240 --> 00:47:53,640
That was a time when people did laugh.

864
00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:58,520
Vic and I said... She said, "Don't let them see it until you go in."

865
00:47:58,520 --> 00:47:59,880
Because it was awful

866
00:47:59,880 --> 00:48:03,560
and it was a terrible sagging gusset and a sweatband.

867
00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:06,840
We knew, because we'd seen in the wardrobe

868
00:48:06,840 --> 00:48:10,320
that Julie was going to wear a lime-green leotard.

869
00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:12,600
It's fine if you see it hanging up.

870
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:17,520
It's not fine if Julie then suddenly stumbles on to the set

871
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:21,840
with her, you know, tights bulging with varicose veins.

872
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:26,240
It was the concertina in the crotch area

873
00:48:26,240 --> 00:48:29,240
that still makes me laugh to this day.

874
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:31,920
Here we are.

875
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:35,720
A nice tray of decaffeinated coffee,

876
00:48:35,720 --> 00:48:38,000
low-fat milk and sugar-free sugar.

877
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:39,480
Goodness, how healthy.

878
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:40,920
Oh, I enjoyed myself.

879
00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:42,360
How was the aerobics class?

880
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:44,320
Oh, I enjoyed myself.

881
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:47,440
And of course the fatal thing was that Victoria, Duncan and I

882
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:51,920
were sitting altogether on a two-seater sofa, which is fatal,

883
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:56,160
because if one person went, you could feel the other person next door.

884
00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:58,480
We got into terrible trouble actually.

885
00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:00,120
It was like laughing in church.

886
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:05,120
A supportive brassiere to prevent chaffing

887
00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:09,200
and plenty of individual attention from a qualified instructor.

888
00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:10,480
It sounds ideal.

889
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:13,840
It was only the exercises I didn't take to.

890
00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:18,440
I can remember Geoff Posner shouting from the studio, "Tell them to stop laughing."

891
00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:29,000
How many people tune in every evening to hear that oh-so-familiar music?

892
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:31,400
About 54.

893
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:35,040
But what goes on behind the scenes? What don't the public see?

894
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:38,680
It was a lovely vessel to be able to kind of bridge those two worlds.

895
00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:43,360
That brilliant subversion of having Julie play the actress playing Mrs Overall as well,

896
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:46,120
and that's a whole other character, and that was lovely.

897
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:48,600
The first time you've seen that kind of thing done.

898
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:50,680
We're both rather gutsy ladies.

899
00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:52,400
Very determined.

900
00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:54,040
Strong moral sense.

901
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:58,320
We've both had rather difficult lives.

902
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:00,520
A certain amount of personal loss.

903
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:02,920
And they're both very warm and very giving.

904
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:04,600
Bless you for that, my darling.

905
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:10,440
She's been this kind of arthritic, crazy, shaky lady making bhajis,

906
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:15,360
now developed, in the behind the scenes one, into this goddess.

907
00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:18,440
So the famous lumpy tights and the varicose veins...

908
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:21,760
that's just something that goes on with the make-up, is it?

909
00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:24,280
It's not boom, boom, kssh!

910
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:27,560
There's lines that you just pass over and you're like, what?!

911
00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:31,040
- Turn to Derek. "That was the immigration authority, Derek." 
- Tssh.

912
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:33,640
Are you going to do that? Because I'll leave a gap.

913
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:34,920
No. It's my tooth again.

914
00:50:34,920 --> 00:50:37,120
"Are you going to do that? Cos I'll leave a gap."

915
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:39,280
And all that kind of thing. It's fantastic.

916
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:42,480
- Look at how the press treated poor Yorkie. 
- Fergie. 
- Fergie.

917
00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:44,120
Look what they did to poor Yorkie.

918
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:46,960
And he goes, "Fergie," and she goes, "Fergie."

919
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:49,880
Dear Paul, I'm a huge...

920
00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:51,600
Huge star.

921
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:57,480
"I just said to him, 'I was wearing leather shorts before George Formby had a ukulele.'"

922
00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:00,840
Mrs Overall, we could smell your bhajis a mile away.

923
00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:03,200
And ultimately it breeds geekiness, you know.

924
00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:06,240
So many of things within those As Seen On TVs

925
00:51:06,240 --> 00:51:09,240
that were kind of forefathers of The Office

926
00:51:09,240 --> 00:51:13,200
and when she used to do those little mini-documentaries.

927
00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:15,440
May I ask what you're doing here?

928
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:17,960
We've come about the test-tube babies and that.

929
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:19,240
We want a test-tube baby.

930
00:51:19,240 --> 00:51:20,760
Why? Are there problems?

931
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:24,040
We've only got a maisonette, so a little tiny test-tube one...

932
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:25,880
They grow to a normal size.

933
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:27,960
They're conceived in the test tube.

934
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:32,440
We'll never both fit in.

935
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:35,640
There's just something very different about the tone of it,

936
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:37,840
but it was one of the first times it was...

937
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:41,280
Well, before The Office she was doing that kind of fly on the wall,

938
00:51:41,280 --> 00:51:45,680
kind of following someone round, giving them enough rope to hang themselves with.

939
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:49,200
'I've got everything else...

940
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:53,800
'suede coat, two-speed hammer drill and all I need now is Mr Right.'

941
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:54,920
I'm back.

942
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:56,640
Pamela Twill is 47.

943
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:58,200
She's never been married.

944
00:51:58,200 --> 00:51:59,880
She's never been engaged.

945
00:51:59,880 --> 00:52:03,120
She's never been to a bowling alley with anyone called Raymond.

946
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:07,000
She pinched the attitude of the producers and the directors.

947
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:10,480
The language they spoke in. The portentousness of documentary.

948
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:11,560
"This is truth."

949
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:16,360
I found Jesus in 1969 while out camping.

950
00:52:16,360 --> 00:52:19,280
I like to do evangelical work wherever possible,

951
00:52:19,280 --> 00:52:22,440
telephone-deodorising business permitting.

952
00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:26,120
Hello, would you like to be friends with Jesus at all?

953
00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:28,480
- Not really, thank you. 
- Thank you very much.

954
00:52:30,240 --> 00:52:34,440
I think that a lot of what of Victoria does,

955
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:39,520
I mean, does have a sort of tinge of tragedy and sadness about it.

956
00:52:39,520 --> 00:52:45,680
But I think that's because actually very funny comedy is actually appalling sad at the same time.

957
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:47,920
Two eggs and a bit of plain flour.

958
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:49,800
Bit of comedy. Ooh, bit of tragedy.

959
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:54,960
You just follow your instinct and follow your story and put your characters together

960
00:52:54,960 --> 00:53:00,040
and if they're rounded characters they're going to have at least two strands in them.

961
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:03,120
- That's nice. 
- Yeah, it's nice, is that.

962
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:06,560
Oh, that's nice.

963
00:53:06,560 --> 00:53:08,080
That's very nice.

964
00:53:10,240 --> 00:53:12,360
Now that is nice.

965
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:14,760
Yes, it is nice that, you're right.

966
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:18,280
There is pathos in it. The pathos of the passing of time.

967
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:21,360
The pathos of the thwarting of achievement. It's all in here.

968
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:24,880
She never forgets what she might have been

969
00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:28,440
if she had not been talented and that's the secret of great talent.

970
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:33,440
I suppose I'm aware of the people who don't have chances in life.

971
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:37,280
Who are stuck, maybe, in a situation.

972
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:41,920
Those are the things that I always want to put into my work as well, as well as the comedy.

973
00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:44,000
Chrissy is 20.

974
00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:46,720
She's a champion long-distance swimmer.

975
00:53:46,720 --> 00:53:50,000
In three weeks' time, if the tides and the weather are right,

976
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:51,960
Chrissy plans to swim the Channel.

977
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:56,760
The Swim The Channel one is heartbreaking as well as being achingly funny.

978
00:53:56,760 --> 00:54:01,000
But it must have had an impact on what I was going to do later on.

979
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:04,160
Where it's OK to be sad within.

980
00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:06,680
My coach is Mrs Hannigan.

981
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:08,640
I don't know where Mr Hannigan's got to.

982
00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:11,600
Push with those hands! Push!

983
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:16,200
She's good, cos when you get really tired and want to stop, she keeps you going.

984
00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:21,560
Completely unforgettable, you know, and hilarious.

985
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:25,040
Hilarious and sad at the same time, that's hard to pull that off.

986
00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:26,840
- Night, Dad. 
- Night, dear.

987
00:54:26,840 --> 00:54:30,600
It's the night before your daughter swims the Channel. Any misgivings?

988
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:33,080
I don't think so. Have we, Cliff?

989
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:35,440
No. No, she's as strong as an ox.

990
00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:37,720
You'll be in the backup boat, presumably?

991
00:54:37,720 --> 00:54:41,480
Well, no, actually Joan and I are popping down to London for the day.

992
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:43,520
You know, sort of day out shopping.

993
00:54:43,520 --> 00:54:45,960
The girl swimming the Channel

994
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:47,560
broke your heart.

995
00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:49,400
Are you worried about tomorrow?

996
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:52,880
Well, I am in away because, er, I've never swum such a long way

997
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:57,400
and some of it's in the dark and I don't really like the dark.

998
00:54:57,400 --> 00:55:01,840
And if I do get to French coast, I don't talk French very well, so...

999
00:55:01,840 --> 00:55:05,160
I don't do French. I do woodwork.

1000
00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:07,000
But I know a few bits.

1001
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:09,680
"Bonjour" and "aujourd'hui".

1002
00:55:09,680 --> 00:55:12,040
Do you think you'll make it?

1003
00:55:12,040 --> 00:55:16,440
I don't know. I'll do double prayers tonight anyway.

1004
00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:22,800
Well, I haven't seen it since it was on, but I do remember it is a bit sad.

1005
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:25,440
There's no support vessel, no officials, nobody.

1006
00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:28,720
Chrissy's entirely alone. Are you still going to go, Chrissy?

1007
00:55:28,720 --> 00:55:30,560
Yeah, I think so. I might as well.

1008
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:35,720
My friend Maria is in Kidderminster today so I haven't got anybody to play with anyway.

1009
00:55:35,720 --> 00:55:37,200
What about food and drink?

1010
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:40,640
Well, I've got a sandwich box, so I'll think they'll stay dry,

1011
00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:43,360
and I've got some little milkshakes in cartons.

1012
00:55:43,360 --> 00:55:44,960
I think they'll be all right.

1013
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:47,520
I can put me duffle bag round me neck like this.

1014
00:55:47,520 --> 00:55:49,960
Well, what about finding the French coast?

1015
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:52,240
I think I'll find it all right, thank you.

1016
00:55:52,240 --> 00:55:55,160
I came fourth in geography. 81%.

1017
00:55:55,160 --> 00:55:57,680
- What time is it? 
- Er, 7.55.

1018
00:55:57,680 --> 00:55:59,840
Five to eight. Off I go then.

1019
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:09,760
That was eight days ago and Chrissy hasn't yet reached land.

1020
00:56:09,760 --> 00:56:11,800
No-one seems to know where she is.

1021
00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:14,560
And the sight of her swimming out to sea on her own,

1022
00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:17,080
I think is really, really sad.

1023
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:20,920
What's sadder, I have to say, is the fact that we broke for lunch

1024
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:24,640
at that point and somebody was supposed to shout out to her,

1025
00:56:24,640 --> 00:56:26,560
"Victoria, we've broken for lunch."

1026
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:30,600
And we all ran off to the catering wagon and I said, "Where's Vic?"

1027
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:32,480
And somebody said, "Oh, God!"

1028
00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:36,400
Nobody said cut. I was in the dark, drifting downstream.

1029
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:38,680
And somebody went, "Oh, hang on. Cut!"

1030
00:56:40,240 --> 00:56:42,840
Oh, I'm sure she'll turn up eventually.

1031
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:44,640
Slow but sure, that's our Chrissy.

1032
00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:49,600
Yeah, she's probably just swimming about looking for a nice beach with ice creams and donkeys.

1033
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:50,720
You know how kids are.

1034
00:56:50,720 --> 00:56:55,760
What I really admired about her in that was that she was prepared

1035
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:59,880
to look absolutely dreadful for the sake of comedy.

1036
00:56:59,880 --> 00:57:04,120
And I think there are actually very few women that are prepared to do that.

1037
00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:07,040
He said, "Do you wear a bikini?" I said, "Oh, come on."

1038
00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:13,280
I said, "I didn't take my coat off on a beach till I was 37."

1039
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:19,400
I did feel very insecure about being fat. It really bothered so many people and it bothered me.

1040
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:22,840
- Can I help you? 
- I just wondered if you had these in a 14?

1041
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:25,480
You what?!

1042
00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:28,320
This is a boutique, not the elephant house.

1043
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:32,640
Eh, Eileen! We've got another fatso in!

1044
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:34,520
You know, that was always my label.

1045
00:57:34,520 --> 00:57:36,840
I was fat or plump or overweight.

1046
00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:40,600
It was always mentioned in anything that was ever written about me,

1047
00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:42,480
which I found very distressing.

1048
00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:47,360
I felt ashamed of it, but I couldn't actually get to grips with doing anything about it.

1049
00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:49,600
I don't really suit green.

1050
00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:53,480
I shouldn't think you suit much, do you? A body like that.

1051
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:56,440
I was going to do a photo shoot with Julie when we did Wood And Walters

1052
00:57:56,440 --> 00:57:58,600
and I remember being in the make-up room with Julie

1053
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:01,240
and the woman phoned up from the TV Times or whatever it was.

1054
00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:05,240
And she was going to get some lovely clothes. She said, "What are your measurements?"

1055
00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:08,040
So I gave my measurements and she said, "I'll call you back."

1056
00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:10,920
And she put the phone down and about ten minutes later she phoned

1057
00:58:10,920 --> 00:58:13,120
and said, "Oh, Victoria, do you wear kaftans?"

1058
00:58:13,120 --> 00:58:16,480
And that was all she could think of, cos I was just not acceptable,

1059
00:58:16,480 --> 00:58:17,960
cos I wasn't a size ten or 12.

1060
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:23,160
I didn't fit into anything that she could imagine me wearing. And so I was always being...

1061
00:58:23,160 --> 00:58:27,040
I was treated terribly badly by costume people in those early days.

1062
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:30,960
# We congratulate you on losing weight

1063
00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:32,840
# Don't get cocky, baby.

1064
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:35,000
# You're gonna be back next month

1065
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:38,920
# We'd say six days grace before you stuff your face

1066
00:58:38,920 --> 00:58:40,880
# Don't get cocky, baby

1067
00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:42,840
# You're gonna be back next month. #

1068
00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:46,720
I used to sit as a teenager.

1069
00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:50,160
I had a room with a telly and a piano in it and I just sat in there.

1070
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:52,440
And I was always imagining myself on a stage,

1071
00:58:52,440 --> 00:58:55,560
but I didn't do that for anybody else. I just did that on my own.

1072
00:58:57,000 --> 00:59:00,880
I think when you are shy there's something very attractive

1073
00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:05,080
about putting yourself in a situation where you're comfortable

1074
00:59:05,080 --> 00:59:06,880
and where you're in charge

1075
00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:09,920
and where you're communicating with people.

1076
00:59:09,920 --> 00:59:13,720
I think shy people often feel that they're not getting across.

1077
00:59:13,720 --> 00:59:15,600
People aren't understanding them,

1078
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:19,520
cos they don't have the social graces to be able to hold a conversation easily.

1079
00:59:19,520 --> 00:59:23,200
Whereas if you're a stand-up comic, you're completely in charge.

1080
00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:25,120
You've thought of the things to say

1081
00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:27,880
and people have got to sit down and listen to you.

1082
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:31,440
That's why there are so many social misfits who are now comedians.

1083
00:59:31,440 --> 00:59:33,040
Cos it just works for us.

1084
00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:39,960
Before I'd ever seen Victoria on television

1085
00:59:39,960 --> 00:59:43,680
I bumped into her in the odd hotel with Rowan.

1086
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:46,200
And here would be this slightly...

1087
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:49,480
Two nervous Northerners circling each other

1088
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:54,240
and being vaguely polite and slightly socially dysfunctional.

1089
00:59:54,240 --> 00:59:59,120
And then what's incredible is when you see Victoria out there

1090
00:59:59,120 --> 01:00:04,160
with all this extraordinary confidence and variety and acting,

1091
01:00:04,160 --> 01:00:09,320
and I'm so intrigued by the contrast between who she is in real life

1092
01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:11,200
and then what she can do.

1093
01:00:13,520 --> 01:00:15,680
One of the hardest jobs in this business

1094
01:00:15,680 --> 01:00:19,040
is walking out on to a stage, on your own,

1095
01:00:19,040 --> 01:00:21,680
and to hold an audience night after night

1096
01:00:21,680 --> 01:00:24,280
for two, two-and-a-half, three hours.

1097
01:00:24,280 --> 01:00:28,560
That is the sign of an absolutely extraordinary professional.

1098
01:00:28,560 --> 01:00:31,520
A comedian, you're trying to make people make a noise.

1099
01:00:31,520 --> 01:00:34,400
You know, it's hard. You've got to provoke something in them

1100
01:00:34,400 --> 01:00:36,000
that they want to go, "Ha-ha-ha!"

1101
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:38,600
I had quite a few years where I would just think,

1102
01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:41,160
"They don't get it. I'm not doing it properly.

1103
01:00:41,160 --> 01:00:43,000
"I'm boring. I'm really boring."

1104
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:44,600
And I found that upsetting.

1105
01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:49,640
I started at the piano, just singing.

1106
01:00:49,640 --> 01:00:54,040
And then I would talk a little bit between the songs and then...

1107
01:00:54,040 --> 01:00:57,440
I stood up, but I would only stand up in the crook of the piano,

1108
01:00:57,440 --> 01:00:59,440
cos that seemed like a protection.

1109
01:00:59,440 --> 01:01:01,840
And then I went to a radio mike, but in my hand,

1110
01:01:01,840 --> 01:01:03,600
so I had something to hold on to.

1111
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:05,760
And then, eventually, I ended up,

1112
01:01:05,760 --> 01:01:08,920
not only with no piano, but with no visible mike.

1113
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:12,240
Just a radio mike in my hair with nothing.

1114
01:01:12,240 --> 01:01:15,360
But it took me a long time to get that freedom.

1115
01:01:15,360 --> 01:01:17,200
APPLAUSE

1116
01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:22,880
If I knew what made a great stand-up, I'd bottle it.

1117
01:01:22,880 --> 01:01:28,080
She has great faith in her own ability.

1118
01:01:28,080 --> 01:01:31,720
Tremendous confidence, which you have to have.

1119
01:01:31,720 --> 01:01:35,760
You have to have when you're stood there doing gags.

1120
01:01:35,760 --> 01:01:38,560
I've never been to casualty before, but I think, "It's all right.

1121
01:01:38,560 --> 01:01:40,000
"I've seen ER on the television."

1122
01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:42,720
I think as soon as I get there, they'll have me on a stretcher.

1123
01:01:42,720 --> 01:01:45,640
They'll run at me. They'll be cutting up the sides of my trousers.

1124
01:01:45,640 --> 01:01:47,160
Cos they do that in ER all the time.

1125
01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:51,000
Even if someone's only looking for the antenatal clinic, "Oh, they're on me!"

1126
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:54,680
It's an extraordinary thing to see someone stand up there

1127
01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:57,920
in front of all those people and do their stuff.

1128
01:01:57,920 --> 01:02:00,360
It's absolutely terrifying, I imagine.

1129
01:02:00,360 --> 01:02:02,800
I said, "Oh, I've got this really bad pain."

1130
01:02:02,800 --> 01:02:04,840
"Where?" "Well, sort of here."

1131
01:02:04,840 --> 01:02:09,400
She said, "Oh, abdominal. I'll put 'leg', I can't spell abdominal."

1132
01:02:09,400 --> 01:02:12,800
Anyone that can go and sell out the Albert Hall

1133
01:02:12,800 --> 01:02:14,440
for 15 nights in a row,

1134
01:02:14,440 --> 01:02:16,920
that's gotta be something.

1135
01:02:16,920 --> 01:02:20,760
And I'm next to this really, really mad, rough-looking woman

1136
01:02:20,760 --> 01:02:23,080
with no teeth who's out of her head on something.

1137
01:02:23,080 --> 01:02:27,480
And she keeps looking at me going, "Eh-eh, Pam Ayers! Eh-eh!"

1138
01:02:27,480 --> 01:02:31,840
She still managed to, kind of, draw everyone in

1139
01:02:31,840 --> 01:02:35,240
and give what I would consider to be kind of quite an intimate,

1140
01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:37,720
sort of friendly performance,

1141
01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:41,040
which I think is so hard to do in a massive barn like that.

1142
01:02:41,040 --> 01:02:43,480
It is just energy. It's like a force field

1143
01:02:43,480 --> 01:02:46,400
that you wrap round them and keep them with you.

1144
01:02:46,400 --> 01:02:49,560
And that's why it's quite tiring to do.

1145
01:02:49,560 --> 01:02:53,000
And she's knocking something back out of a bottle, something purple.

1146
01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:56,280
I think probably meths. I'm guessing not Ribena Toothkind.

1147
01:02:56,280 --> 01:02:58,000
I noticed that, when I was

1148
01:02:58,000 --> 01:03:00,440
at the Albert Hall seeing her live,

1149
01:03:00,440 --> 01:03:02,440
that her appeal went

1150
01:03:02,440 --> 01:03:04,160
right across the board.

1151
01:03:04,160 --> 01:03:06,800
Youngsters to grandmas.

1152
01:03:06,800 --> 01:03:09,880
And if you've got that appeal, you are winning the battle.

1153
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:15,080
All comedians want to be liked and it's a way of making friends.

1154
01:03:15,080 --> 01:03:17,040
You make friends that night.

1155
01:03:17,040 --> 01:03:21,280
I mean, I think that's why so many comedians have an entourage

1156
01:03:21,280 --> 01:03:23,200
because they need to carry on that feeling.

1157
01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:25,440
When they come off stage, they need it to carry on

1158
01:03:25,440 --> 01:03:28,560
and they need to have a drink or they need to take something

1159
01:03:28,560 --> 01:03:30,120
that keeps that high going.

1160
01:03:30,120 --> 01:03:32,840
It's a big high, but the minute the curtain's down,

1161
01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:36,240
the lights are off, it's over. It's very sudden.

1162
01:03:36,240 --> 01:03:38,680
You know, "wah!" They're laughing. Then they're not.

1163
01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:41,200
Comedians often, they do suffer from that dark side.

1164
01:03:41,200 --> 01:03:44,440
There's a melancholia, depression. We seem to split into two groups.

1165
01:03:44,440 --> 01:03:46,520
A lot of comedians suffer from depression.

1166
01:03:46,520 --> 01:03:49,920
And there's a very jolly bunch of comedians who play golf.

1167
01:03:49,920 --> 01:03:52,120
I'm in the depression side myself,

1168
01:03:52,120 --> 01:03:53,880
but I think that's better than golf.

1169
01:03:53,880 --> 01:03:55,200
At least with depression,

1170
01:03:55,200 --> 01:03:57,640
you don't have to wear those terrible check trousers.

1171
01:03:57,640 --> 01:04:03,040
Because of how she comes across as such a lovely, warm person,

1172
01:04:03,040 --> 01:04:06,240
she could pretty much say anything she likes.

1173
01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:12,200
My favourite moment in a theatre ever was a Victoria Wood moment,

1174
01:04:12,200 --> 01:04:15,640
when she talked about her dyslexic boyfriend

1175
01:04:15,640 --> 01:04:19,120
who was very enthusiastic about her vinegar.

1176
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:23,800
And the fact that a third of the audience

1177
01:04:23,800 --> 01:04:26,360
got it at first and laughed.

1178
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:29,000
And then about, literally, ten seconds later,

1179
01:04:29,000 --> 01:04:30,960
another third got it and laughed.

1180
01:04:30,960 --> 01:04:34,040
And the final third didn't like it.

1181
01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:36,480
So they got it, but they went, "Ugh!" Like that.

1182
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:38,920
It was the most complicated laughter I've ever heard,

1183
01:04:38,920 --> 01:04:40,040
I think, in a theatre.

1184
01:04:40,040 --> 01:04:42,280
There's not many I'd say this about,

1185
01:04:42,280 --> 01:04:44,080
I'll follow most of them.

1186
01:04:44,080 --> 01:04:48,240
I'll get on and have a go, bang, and I know I can get in there.

1187
01:04:48,240 --> 01:04:51,280
I wouldn't particularly want to follow her.

1188
01:04:51,280 --> 01:04:53,560
She is one of the...

1189
01:04:53,560 --> 01:04:57,160
You know. Most of the others, yeah. No problem.

1190
01:04:57,160 --> 01:04:59,160
But VW, woo!

1191
01:04:59,160 --> 01:05:01,720
I'll go on before you, dear, and warm them up.

1192
01:05:03,440 --> 01:05:05,960
You know I've been thinking about giving it up.

1193
01:05:05,960 --> 01:05:07,720
You know, being a stand-up comedian.

1194
01:05:07,720 --> 01:05:09,840
I was thinking about stopping doing it.

1195
01:05:09,840 --> 01:05:11,800
AUDIENCE: No!

1196
01:05:11,800 --> 01:05:14,680
Not tonight. I'll wait till you've gone home.

1197
01:05:14,680 --> 01:05:17,480
I enjoy it loads, now. Much more than I did.

1198
01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:20,720
I was always so anxious about it.

1199
01:05:20,720 --> 01:05:21,880
But now I'm not.

1200
01:05:24,240 --> 01:05:26,000
I'd never written a sitcom,

1201
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:29,600
so that was one thing that I felt I ought to have a crack at,

1202
01:05:29,600 --> 01:05:33,480
to see if I could, you know, work out how the form worked.

1203
01:05:33,480 --> 01:05:35,600
Five's got a documentary.

1204
01:05:35,600 --> 01:05:39,400
Frederick Delius, Syphilis-Ridden Genius.

1205
01:05:39,400 --> 01:05:42,280
Oh, I might watch that. Oh, no, I can't. I'm working here, duh!

1206
01:05:42,280 --> 01:05:45,160
- What's that? 
- Half past four, a documentary.

1207
01:05:45,160 --> 01:05:48,360
Is it true about the syphilis Delius myth?

1208
01:05:48,360 --> 01:05:50,960
Delia Smith's never got syphilis!

1209
01:05:52,640 --> 01:05:56,880
How dare they? Don't tell me a woman with spotless tea towels

1210
01:05:56,880 --> 01:05:58,680
would stoop to that kind of infection.

1211
01:05:58,680 --> 01:06:00,200
I wanted to do a workplace comedy,

1212
01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:02,000
cos I didn't want to do a domestic comedy.

1213
01:06:02,000 --> 01:06:03,440
Cos I didn't like domestics.

1214
01:06:03,440 --> 01:06:06,320
I don't like mother, father, grumpy teenage daughter.

1215
01:06:06,320 --> 01:06:07,800
I don't like all those sitcoms.

1216
01:06:07,800 --> 01:06:09,600
It was going to be a workplace comedy.

1217
01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:11,280
It was going to be a group of people

1218
01:06:11,280 --> 01:06:13,760
that you only saw in their work setting.

1219
01:06:13,760 --> 01:06:17,080
So everything to find out about them, you could only find out

1220
01:06:17,080 --> 01:06:20,400
from what they said to each other in casual conversation.

1221
01:06:20,400 --> 01:06:22,560
I really think you should be sensitive

1222
01:06:22,560 --> 01:06:24,560
to a woman's hormonal ebb and flow.

1223
01:06:25,960 --> 01:06:28,920
I am, believe me. Look, I'm not a dinosaur.

1224
01:06:28,920 --> 01:06:32,000
I quite like women in a sad, baffled sort of way.

1225
01:06:32,000 --> 01:06:34,840
But can we please get a grip? Out of a workforce of five,

1226
01:06:34,840 --> 01:06:37,880
at any given moment, one will have premenstrual tension,

1227
01:06:37,880 --> 01:06:41,000
one's panicking cos she's not, someone's having a hot flush

1228
01:06:41,000 --> 01:06:43,440
and someone else is having a nervous breakdown

1229
01:06:43,440 --> 01:06:46,520
cos their HRT patch has fallen in the minestrone.

1230
01:06:46,520 --> 01:06:48,240
That was a one-off!

1231
01:06:51,800 --> 01:06:54,760
You could tell instantly it was obviously a Victoria Wood script

1232
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:58,160
and she crams so much into her scripts.

1233
01:06:58,160 --> 01:07:00,480
Every episode, you could watch two or three times

1234
01:07:00,480 --> 01:07:02,960
before you've realised everything's in it.

1235
01:07:02,960 --> 01:07:05,080
You know, I had a story that went from week to week.

1236
01:07:05,080 --> 01:07:07,480
And I had a lot of characters coming back and forth,

1237
01:07:07,480 --> 01:07:09,680
and made it as complex as I could make it,

1238
01:07:09,680 --> 01:07:12,080
cos I did want people to be able to watch it more than once

1239
01:07:12,080 --> 01:07:13,800
and still get something from it.

1240
01:07:13,800 --> 01:07:16,560
It looked like they were closing off the flyover. Could be dodgy.

1241
01:07:16,560 --> 01:07:19,680
- Will that matter, no flyover? 
- Well, that's our main route in.

1242
01:07:19,680 --> 01:07:21,280
Oh, no!

1243
01:07:21,280 --> 01:07:24,200
One day, something went terribly wrong on the tubes or something.

1244
01:07:24,200 --> 01:07:27,200
Every which way I tried to get in to the Oval,

1245
01:07:27,200 --> 01:07:30,520
where we were rehearsing, I couldn't get there.

1246
01:07:30,520 --> 01:07:33,320
And I really lost my temper.

1247
01:07:33,320 --> 01:07:36,880
Stan, please, tell me what is happening with the traffic?

1248
01:07:36,880 --> 01:07:39,480
Well, Phil Henderson used to be a traffic warden,

1249
01:07:39,480 --> 01:07:43,920
but a mixture of nonstop verbal abuse and bunions made him rethink.

1250
01:07:43,920 --> 01:07:45,600
- Now then... 
- That's enough!

1251
01:07:45,600 --> 01:07:47,400
God Almighty!

1252
01:07:47,400 --> 01:07:50,680
I rang her up, saying, "Vic, I can't get there."

1253
01:07:50,680 --> 01:07:53,000
You know, this tirade down the telephone.

1254
01:07:53,000 --> 01:07:54,680
Does every simple query

1255
01:07:54,680 --> 01:07:58,000
have to come with a side order of spleens and bunions?

1256
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:00,480
I need to know what's happening with the traffic.

1257
01:08:00,480 --> 01:08:05,240
Next week, I suddenly had this tirade to do for the millennium

1258
01:08:05,240 --> 01:08:06,960
and I thought, "She's very clever."

1259
01:08:06,960 --> 01:08:09,640
I don't need to know the life history of every blasted idiot

1260
01:08:09,640 --> 01:08:12,920
that's ever worked in this stupid, godforsaken factory!

1261
01:08:16,720 --> 01:08:19,680
It's one of my favourite bits.

1262
01:08:19,680 --> 01:08:22,760
This is Maxine Peake, who's not done any acting at all, have you?

1263
01:08:22,760 --> 01:08:25,400
Not even this afternoon you didn't do any.

1264
01:08:25,400 --> 01:08:29,000
I knew that Cheers recorded their final dress rehearsal

1265
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:31,520
and then they would give notes and they would make changes

1266
01:08:31,520 --> 01:08:33,800
before they did the final evening show.

1267
01:08:33,800 --> 01:08:36,960
And I said to Geoff Posner I would really like to do this,

1268
01:08:36,960 --> 01:08:39,920
because I think until you've done it once in front of an audience,

1269
01:08:39,920 --> 01:08:41,760
you don't really know where the laughs come

1270
01:08:41,760 --> 01:08:43,720
and where it sits and what you could improve.

1271
01:08:43,720 --> 01:08:46,160
And he said, which was a very clever idea,

1272
01:08:46,160 --> 01:08:47,720
he said, "Let's just do it twice."

1273
01:08:48,760 --> 01:08:50,960
With Dinnerladies, we'd do a show on Friday night,

1274
01:08:50,960 --> 01:08:52,120
then we'd have rewrites.

1275
01:08:52,120 --> 01:08:53,560
Rewrites galore on that.

1276
01:08:56,080 --> 01:08:57,800
It was terribly hard work.

1277
01:08:57,800 --> 01:08:59,920
She kept rewriting all the time.

1278
01:08:59,920 --> 01:09:03,600
She'd stay up sometimes till four o'clock in the morning

1279
01:09:03,600 --> 01:09:05,680
and she had two small children then.

1280
01:09:06,960 --> 01:09:08,800
I said, "Did you sleep all right?"

1281
01:09:08,800 --> 01:09:11,440
"No, no. I've been up all night rewriting."

1282
01:09:11,440 --> 01:09:13,360
"Cor, another load of learning!"

1283
01:09:13,360 --> 01:09:15,160
Saturday morning, we'd be hoiked in.

1284
01:09:15,160 --> 01:09:19,280
And they'd say, "Gather round for notes and rewrites."

1285
01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:22,400
Thelma and I would look at each other and go, "Oh, God!"

1286
01:09:22,400 --> 01:09:24,200
You just had to keep re-learning.

1287
01:09:24,200 --> 01:09:26,520
And things would be cut and changed.

1288
01:09:26,520 --> 01:09:28,800
Sometimes she would say in the morning,

1289
01:09:28,800 --> 01:09:30,680
"Oh, that scene isn't working properly.

1290
01:09:30,680 --> 01:09:33,840
"Someone bring me egg and chips and I'll write it again over lunch."

1291
01:09:33,840 --> 01:09:36,680
Ten minutes later, it would come back. "How's that?"

1292
01:09:36,680 --> 01:09:42,400
And it's there. And it's totally from left field.

1293
01:09:42,400 --> 01:09:44,280
You know, something totally different.

1294
01:09:44,280 --> 01:09:47,320
And it was always better than the one she'd written,

1295
01:09:47,320 --> 01:09:49,720
but you had to learn it all over again!

1296
01:09:49,720 --> 01:09:52,200
Oh, flip! This job is a nightmare.

1297
01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:54,800
Julie and I both thought it was a bit like being on an ice rink.

1298
01:09:54,800 --> 01:09:56,200
"Yeah, when you can't skate."

1299
01:09:58,200 --> 01:10:00,480
I used to take all these things for my nerves,

1300
01:10:00,480 --> 01:10:03,200
like, sort of, herbal things, nothing terrible.

1301
01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:04,680
Julie and I were behind the flats

1302
01:10:04,680 --> 01:10:06,880
taking every sort of herbal remedy we could

1303
01:10:06,880 --> 01:10:09,080
to try and keep ourselves together.

1304
01:10:09,080 --> 01:10:10,960
We were all sniffing it before we went on.

1305
01:10:10,960 --> 01:10:13,360
I saw a section of the audience could see us and I thought,

1306
01:10:13,360 --> 01:10:17,080
"I bet they think we're at the amyl nitrate or something."

1307
01:10:17,080 --> 01:10:19,800
God knows what they thought we were doing!

1308
01:10:21,520 --> 01:10:23,760
I know. I know. It was really full-on.

1309
01:10:23,760 --> 01:10:27,000
It was really high pressure and some people did find that...

1310
01:10:27,000 --> 01:10:29,320
I understand that that's nerve-racking,

1311
01:10:29,320 --> 01:10:32,440
but we just wanted to make it as good as we could make it.

1312
01:10:32,440 --> 01:10:34,160
I suppose it was quite pressurised,

1313
01:10:34,160 --> 01:10:36,680
but everyone tries to be nice and calm,

1314
01:10:36,680 --> 01:10:39,960
but the person with the most pressure was Victoria.

1315
01:10:39,960 --> 01:10:42,080
What are you doing for Christmas again?

1316
01:10:42,080 --> 01:10:44,360
I told you, I got these three Carry On films for £8.

1317
01:10:44,360 --> 01:10:45,560
You don't get the boxes,

1318
01:10:45,560 --> 01:10:48,000
there's a stripe down the side of the picture, but...

1319
01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:50,480
Want to come to Scotland with me, Christmas Eve?

1320
01:10:50,480 --> 01:10:52,440
Me mate's got a pub up there.

1321
01:10:52,440 --> 01:10:54,880
We can drive up there after we've finished here.

1322
01:10:54,880 --> 01:10:56,440
Do you want to do that?

1323
01:10:56,440 --> 01:10:58,840
Yeah. Yeah, I would. I would like that.

1324
01:10:58,840 --> 01:11:04,400
One of the main things was Victoria Wood and my kiss

1325
01:11:04,400 --> 01:11:06,040
that we had as Tony and Bren.

1326
01:11:06,040 --> 01:11:10,600
Apparently, that was the first time she'd done that sort of thing

1327
01:11:10,600 --> 01:11:12,440
in public on television.

1328
01:11:22,120 --> 01:11:24,480
I'm not asking you for some bet, Bren.

1329
01:11:26,520 --> 01:11:28,000
I wouldn't do that to you.

1330
01:11:29,440 --> 01:11:31,280
I always remember the rest of the cast

1331
01:11:31,280 --> 01:11:33,200
peeping round the set, you know,

1332
01:11:33,200 --> 01:11:35,200
going, "Ooh!"

1333
01:11:35,200 --> 01:11:37,000
So embarrassing!

1334
01:11:40,040 --> 01:11:42,160
I wasn't bothered about it really.

1335
01:11:42,160 --> 01:11:44,080
It wasn't a big deal.

1336
01:11:44,080 --> 01:11:46,280
It wasn't a big snog or anything.

1337
01:11:46,280 --> 01:11:49,640
What was funny was when we did it, all the audience went, "Wooo!"

1338
01:11:49,640 --> 01:11:50,800
and you can hear them.

1339
01:11:53,720 --> 01:11:56,760
AUDIENCE: Wooo!

1340
01:11:58,080 --> 01:12:02,240
There's only one thing I didn't like about Dinnerladies -

1341
01:12:02,240 --> 01:12:03,960
I was never asked to be in it.

1342
01:12:03,960 --> 01:12:08,720
I'd have given my right hand to have come on as a lorry driver,

1343
01:12:08,720 --> 01:12:11,440
a bin man, anything to be in that.

1344
01:12:11,440 --> 01:12:14,680
Dinnerladies really for me encapsulates

1345
01:12:14,680 --> 01:12:17,280
everything that Victoria's best at.

1346
01:12:17,280 --> 01:12:18,680
It's observational.

1347
01:12:18,680 --> 01:12:20,760
It's character interplay.

1348
01:12:20,760 --> 01:12:22,360
I tell you who's nice that I like.

1349
01:12:22,360 --> 01:12:25,120
- Who's nice that you like, Bren? 
- Woody. 
- Allen?

1350
01:12:25,120 --> 01:12:27,440
- Woodpecker? 
- Who's Alan Woodpecker?

1351
01:12:29,760 --> 01:12:33,440
Great script, great cast.

1352
01:12:33,440 --> 01:12:35,240
By Jove, you've cracked it.

1353
01:12:35,240 --> 01:12:38,240
I couldn't see any of the cast in Dinnerladies

1354
01:12:38,240 --> 01:12:40,200
playing any other part in that show.

1355
01:12:40,200 --> 01:12:41,440
Whoops.

1356
01:12:42,520 --> 01:12:45,560
I didn't realise I was popping in to hunk heaven.

1357
01:12:47,360 --> 01:12:51,280
It's much better if you can write for specific comic people,

1358
01:12:51,280 --> 01:12:53,840
because they take something and they run with it

1359
01:12:53,840 --> 01:12:55,920
and you know what they're going to do with it.

1360
01:12:55,920 --> 01:12:58,040
Has she told you what a terrible mother I am?

1361
01:12:58,040 --> 01:13:01,240
I am terrible. Put her in an orphanage and lost the address.

1362
01:13:01,240 --> 01:13:02,800
Yes.

1363
01:13:05,360 --> 01:13:07,640
Oh, we laugh about it now.

1364
01:13:08,800 --> 01:13:11,040
It was a great atmosphere.

1365
01:13:11,040 --> 01:13:14,640
And because we knew each other, I understood, suddenly I understood,

1366
01:13:14,640 --> 01:13:17,440
why people do work with each other again and again.

1367
01:13:17,440 --> 01:13:20,160
I mean, I once was in a sketch that Vic had written

1368
01:13:20,160 --> 01:13:23,760
and felt strangely uncomfortable about it,

1369
01:13:23,760 --> 01:13:28,600
because I had a kind of confusion in my head

1370
01:13:28,600 --> 01:13:33,320
of learning the lines and having Vic there directing it.

1371
01:13:33,320 --> 01:13:35,600
And I thought, "This is all wrong.

1372
01:13:35,600 --> 01:13:38,400
"This should be Susie Blake or Celia Imrie

1373
01:13:38,400 --> 01:13:40,960
"or one of those really clever women!"

1374
01:13:40,960 --> 01:13:44,080
- Is it Harold who's supposed to have a bit of a party piece? 
- Oh!

1375
01:13:44,080 --> 01:13:46,560
All he does is struggle to force the theme tune

1376
01:13:46,560 --> 01:13:48,520
from Cagney And Lacey out of his...

1377
01:13:48,520 --> 01:13:49,560
Bottom?

1378
01:13:51,720 --> 01:13:55,080
No. Out of his ocarina, I was trying to say.

1379
01:13:56,480 --> 01:14:00,760
Bottom?! How could somebody get a tune out of their bottom?

1380
01:14:01,880 --> 01:14:04,680
There speaks a woman who's never gone camping.

1381
01:14:05,720 --> 01:14:06,800
On the negative side,

1382
01:14:06,800 --> 01:14:09,640
when I see Duncan Preston in something else, I'm like...

1383
01:14:09,640 --> 01:14:12,040
I thought I was gonna be a proper actor.

1384
01:14:12,040 --> 01:14:14,320
You know, a classical...

1385
01:14:14,320 --> 01:14:17,920
I was. You know, I did Stratford and things like that

1386
01:14:17,920 --> 01:14:21,400
and I never thought for a minute I was any good at sketches,

1387
01:14:21,400 --> 01:14:22,960
and I'm probably right.

1388
01:14:24,160 --> 01:14:27,760
- Good morning, sir. 
- Is Mr Dickens at home?

1389
01:14:27,760 --> 01:14:31,240
I think he's writing Dombey And Son, sir, but I'll go and see.

1390
01:14:31,240 --> 01:14:32,280
Are you famous?

1391
01:14:32,280 --> 01:14:34,280
My name is Wilde.

1392
01:14:34,280 --> 01:14:35,760
Oscar Wilde?

1393
01:14:35,760 --> 01:14:39,320
Well, I'm not bleedin' Marty Wilde, am I?

1394
01:14:39,320 --> 01:14:45,240
She's responsible for about 86% of my income over the last 28 years.

1395
01:14:45,240 --> 01:14:46,760
- Good morning. 
- Hi there.

1396
01:14:46,760 --> 01:14:49,160
I'm Sally Cumbernauld. This is Martin Crosswaite.

1397
01:14:49,160 --> 01:14:51,360
- How are you? 
- Oh, chipping in already!

1398
01:14:51,360 --> 01:14:53,160
LAUGHTER

1399
01:14:53,160 --> 01:14:56,280
I think because of how brilliant she is,

1400
01:14:56,280 --> 01:14:58,440
she's always going to be the Koh-i-Noor

1401
01:14:58,440 --> 01:15:00,280
in the centre of the other jewels.

1402
01:15:00,280 --> 01:15:04,920
But they all just make her shine all the brighter.

1403
01:15:04,920 --> 01:15:07,840
Better get used to our ugly mugs, cos you're going to see a lot of us.

1404
01:15:07,840 --> 01:15:09,840
Oh, speak for yourself.

1405
01:15:09,840 --> 01:15:11,120
No, I love him.

1406
01:15:12,280 --> 01:15:14,280
There's a shorthand when you work with people

1407
01:15:14,280 --> 01:15:16,920
and you know their working methods and you can just crack on.

1408
01:15:16,920 --> 01:15:19,560
But then it's always really interesting and exciting

1409
01:15:19,560 --> 01:15:22,360
to find new people and work with them and work in a different way.

1410
01:15:22,360 --> 01:15:24,600
Otherwise, you get stuck in quite a cosy rut,

1411
01:15:24,600 --> 01:15:26,760
where you've always got your old pals around you.

1412
01:15:26,760 --> 01:15:28,520
I think that's not good creatively,

1413
01:15:28,520 --> 01:15:30,600
which is why, the last few things I've done,

1414
01:15:30,600 --> 01:15:33,080
I've ducked and dived with the people I've worked with.

1415
01:15:33,080 --> 01:15:35,840
She's very clever. She gets good people around her.

1416
01:15:35,840 --> 01:15:38,720
BOND-STYLE MUSIC

1417
01:15:43,320 --> 01:15:44,720
Except me.

1418
01:15:44,720 --> 01:15:46,440
That was one of her mistakes.

1419
01:15:50,800 --> 01:15:53,640
Do you like Roger the Dodger?

1420
01:15:53,640 --> 01:15:56,560
Or do you prefer Minnie the Minx?

1421
01:15:56,560 --> 01:15:58,560
As actors, you may never have met before

1422
01:15:58,560 --> 01:16:00,960
and you're suddenly thrust into a dressing room

1423
01:16:00,960 --> 01:16:03,320
or into make-up chairs and you sit next to one another

1424
01:16:03,320 --> 01:16:05,600
and you sort of make polite conversation.

1425
01:16:10,040 --> 01:16:12,160
Sometimes I wish I were 15 years younger.

1426
01:16:12,160 --> 01:16:15,000
And sometimes I wish I were ten years older.

1427
01:16:15,000 --> 01:16:17,160
Then I could go to the flicks for two quid.

1428
01:16:18,680 --> 01:16:20,640
She was very easy, very easy.

1429
01:16:20,640 --> 01:16:23,560
I don't mean she was easy in the dressing room. No.

1430
01:16:23,560 --> 01:16:27,880
I mean she was easy to talk to.

1431
01:16:27,880 --> 01:16:34,280
Why don't you come and we'll while away a few of those 15 years?

1432
01:16:35,800 --> 01:16:36,840
She looked fabulous!

1433
01:16:36,840 --> 01:16:40,000
You thought, "Crumbs! How do you turn into Bren in Dinnerladies?"

1434
01:16:43,120 --> 01:16:46,560
- Can I just warn you, Roge, I've got really complicated pants on. 
- I see.

1435
01:16:50,480 --> 01:16:53,120
That's one thing I would not have predicted in my career

1436
01:16:53,120 --> 01:16:56,040
that I would end up in a pod on the London Eye with Roger Moore.

1437
01:16:56,040 --> 01:16:57,200
And he was so lovely.

1438
01:16:57,200 --> 01:16:58,480
And he knew his words,

1439
01:16:58,480 --> 01:17:01,080
which I didn't expect, cos often people...

1440
01:17:01,080 --> 01:17:03,640
Film stars, they don't often bother to learn all...

1441
01:17:03,640 --> 01:17:06,120
He knew the words completely bang-on.

1442
01:17:06,120 --> 01:17:08,720
And he was staring down out of the window,

1443
01:17:08,720 --> 01:17:11,160
and there was a pod below us of children

1444
01:17:11,160 --> 01:17:16,280
and he said, "If I wasn't in UNICEF, I would flash those children!"

1445
01:17:16,280 --> 01:17:17,840
It was only a joke.

1446
01:17:17,840 --> 01:17:19,520
Made me laugh anyway.

1447
01:17:19,520 --> 01:17:23,400
She's the most generous and unselfish

1448
01:17:23,400 --> 01:17:26,240
of performers and comediennes.

1449
01:17:26,240 --> 01:17:30,280
She's given nothing but wonderful things to other people to do.

1450
01:17:36,160 --> 01:17:38,120
- You OK, Laura? 
- I'm fine.

1451
01:17:38,120 --> 01:17:42,240
I guess I still haven't got used to the smell of men's trousers.

1452
01:17:42,240 --> 01:17:45,280
If you can't sort jumble, get out of the Women's Institute.

1453
01:17:45,280 --> 01:17:47,080
You can watch people that write a comedy,

1454
01:17:47,080 --> 01:17:48,520
they've got all the best lines,

1455
01:17:48,520 --> 01:17:51,000
all the lines that make people scream with laughter.

1456
01:17:51,000 --> 01:17:52,680
But she doesn't do that.

1457
01:17:52,680 --> 01:17:55,840
If the line's going to suit the character that she's made,

1458
01:17:55,840 --> 01:17:56,880
they do the line.

1459
01:17:56,880 --> 01:17:59,560
And I admire her trem... She's unique in that respect.

1460
01:17:59,560 --> 01:18:02,040
1.55!

1461
01:18:02,040 --> 01:18:03,880
It's ten off two now.

1462
01:18:03,880 --> 01:18:06,320
We'll never get the jumble sorted!

1463
01:18:06,320 --> 01:18:08,000
We're not going to make it!

1464
01:18:09,320 --> 01:18:13,080
This is the WI. If you wanna panic, join the Townswomen's Guild.

1465
01:18:13,080 --> 01:18:15,520
Not many people do that. Not many...

1466
01:18:15,520 --> 01:18:19,640
Not many men who had their own TV show would do that.

1467
01:18:19,640 --> 01:18:21,680
No men actually, probably.

1468
01:18:21,680 --> 01:18:24,680
And I think that's, you know...

1469
01:18:24,680 --> 01:18:26,560
That's a very, very unusual thing

1470
01:18:26,560 --> 01:18:29,120
to be that magnanimous and that confident.

1471
01:18:29,120 --> 01:18:32,080
I always try to be quite realistic and pragmatic.

1472
01:18:32,080 --> 01:18:34,600
If there's something I think somebody else will do better,

1473
01:18:34,600 --> 01:18:35,800
I'd always give it to them.

1474
01:18:35,800 --> 01:18:37,520
Well?

1475
01:18:38,520 --> 01:18:39,600
Sorry?

1476
01:18:40,720 --> 01:18:44,160
Thanks to your umbilical incompetence,

1477
01:18:44,160 --> 01:18:48,360
I, "sexy yet vulnerable" and I'm quoting from Harpers here,

1478
01:18:48,360 --> 01:18:52,600
I have been exposed on nationwide television

1479
01:18:52,600 --> 01:18:56,760
as having some dubious connection with an overweight northern waitress

1480
01:18:56,760 --> 01:19:00,680
with all the sophisticated allure of an airline salad.

1481
01:19:00,680 --> 01:19:05,080
That is such a little work of genius, isn't it?

1482
01:19:05,080 --> 01:19:06,680
And she gave it to me.

1483
01:19:06,680 --> 01:19:10,160
I'm sorry, if I'd written it, nobody else would be doing it.

1484
01:19:10,160 --> 01:19:11,360
I would be doing it.

1485
01:19:11,360 --> 01:19:13,640
I mean, who needs eight Vietnamese babies

1486
01:19:13,640 --> 01:19:17,360
when you can have a lumpy, old, short-order waitress for one week only?

1487
01:19:17,360 --> 01:19:19,120
Oh, no!

1488
01:19:19,120 --> 01:19:21,040
Milk it for all it's worth this week,

1489
01:19:21,040 --> 01:19:23,520
then I'll go home and she can take a flying...

1490
01:19:23,520 --> 01:19:25,080
Yes, quite.

1491
01:19:25,080 --> 01:19:26,520
At a deep-fat fryer!

1492
01:19:28,040 --> 01:19:31,080
Oh, she's horrendous.

1493
01:19:31,080 --> 01:19:34,320
The perm, the funny voice...

1494
01:19:34,320 --> 01:19:36,200
It's real Tracey Ullman time.

1495
01:19:38,200 --> 01:19:40,040
Yes? I'm talking!

1496
01:19:42,680 --> 01:19:46,800
I think it's hard when you're known for being a comedian

1497
01:19:46,800 --> 01:19:49,560
or your world has been comedy,

1498
01:19:49,560 --> 01:19:53,800
to try and make the leap from that to serious acting.

1499
01:19:53,800 --> 01:19:57,440
And I think Victoria's done that absolutely brilliantly.

1500
01:19:58,440 --> 01:20:01,320
I keep waking up and crying,

1501
01:20:01,320 --> 01:20:04,400
but that's manageable. But...

1502
01:20:04,400 --> 01:20:07,280
Yesterday I went to the...

1503
01:20:08,920 --> 01:20:12,000
To where we used to live and the key wouldn't fit

1504
01:20:12,000 --> 01:20:14,280
and I was just standing in the street.

1505
01:20:14,280 --> 01:20:16,720
And I thought, "Why won't the key fit?"

1506
01:20:16,720 --> 01:20:19,120
And that did bother me, cos I thought,

1507
01:20:19,120 --> 01:20:20,720
"What if I'm ill again?"

1508
01:20:20,720 --> 01:20:22,760
Should you not go back to Dr Brierley?

1509
01:20:22,760 --> 01:20:24,800
He was pretty good last time, wasn't he?

1510
01:20:24,800 --> 01:20:27,520
I daren't get the doctor, Cliff. You know how Daddy can get

1511
01:20:27,520 --> 01:20:31,240
when he thinks he's going to be expensive and...

1512
01:20:33,960 --> 01:20:36,720
Anyway, I'm fine.

1513
01:20:37,640 --> 01:20:39,800
And the BAFTA goes to...

1514
01:20:39,800 --> 01:20:41,840
Victoria Wood for Housewife, 49.

1515
01:20:41,840 --> 01:20:44,120
APPLAUSE

1516
01:20:44,120 --> 01:20:46,320
APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

1517
01:20:46,320 --> 01:20:49,800
I won a BAFTA for wearing a wig, I think, probably.

1518
01:20:49,800 --> 01:20:53,240
It's really upsetting actually that she can do all of these things

1519
01:20:53,240 --> 01:20:57,160
and write hit West-End musicals and appear in serious dramas.

1520
01:20:57,160 --> 01:20:59,000
And, you know, she's loathsome.

1521
01:20:59,000 --> 01:21:01,160
It's just really got on my nerves.

1522
01:21:01,160 --> 01:21:04,440
And I'm still quoting her every day of my life probably.

1523
01:21:04,440 --> 01:21:06,440
PIANO INTRO

1524
01:21:06,440 --> 01:21:08,200
I would be deliriously happy

1525
01:21:08,200 --> 01:21:10,120
just to be able to play the piano

1526
01:21:10,120 --> 01:21:11,200
as well as she does.

1527
01:21:11,200 --> 01:21:12,880
Nobody talks about that.

1528
01:21:12,880 --> 01:21:16,920
This is just accepted, the fact, "Oh, Vic plays the piano and sings."

1529
01:21:16,920 --> 01:21:18,760
# Comedians are tough and hard

1530
01:21:18,760 --> 01:21:20,840
# We've all been hurt We've all been scarred

1531
01:21:20,840 --> 01:21:23,840
# We all do ads for Barclaycard I'm feeling in the mood tonight

1532
01:21:23,840 --> 01:21:27,720
# Before the show we gather round In every theatre, every town

1533
01:21:27,720 --> 01:21:30,600
# Sooty, put that toothpaste down I'm feeling in the mood tonight... #

1534
01:21:30,600 --> 01:21:33,560
I learnt to play piano when I was about seven.

1535
01:21:33,560 --> 01:21:36,560
My father wrote the names of the notes

1536
01:21:36,560 --> 01:21:38,720
on the keys of the piano in pencil

1537
01:21:38,720 --> 01:21:42,080
and then he wrote the names of the notes on a piece of music,

1538
01:21:42,080 --> 01:21:44,560
Polly Wolly Doodle, and then he left the room.

1539
01:21:44,560 --> 01:21:47,520
And that was it. That was him teaching me to play the piano.

1540
01:21:47,520 --> 01:21:49,880
But that was enough for me to work it out for myself.

1541
01:21:49,880 --> 01:21:52,480
And then I was obsessed with playing the piano.

1542
01:21:52,480 --> 01:21:53,800
I played it all the time.

1543
01:21:53,800 --> 01:21:56,440
Then I was given piano lessons when I was about eight

1544
01:21:56,440 --> 01:21:58,640
and I was so nervous - I couldn't deal with being

1545
01:21:58,640 --> 01:22:00,960
in the same room with this man and I used to sweat.

1546
01:22:00,960 --> 01:22:03,320
My hands would slide off the keys. So I stopped going.

1547
01:22:03,320 --> 01:22:05,160
So then I would only play in secret.

1548
01:22:05,160 --> 01:22:07,200
I thought, "Well, I'm not having piano lessons,

1549
01:22:07,200 --> 01:22:09,840
"I shouldn't be playing the piano. That would be naughty."

1550
01:22:09,840 --> 01:22:12,640
So I only played the piano when my parents went out of the house.

1551
01:22:12,640 --> 01:22:14,880
Then when the headlights would sweep up the drive,

1552
01:22:14,880 --> 01:22:16,600
I would get off the piano and run away.

1553
01:22:16,600 --> 01:22:19,360
So they didn't know that I played for years.

1554
01:22:21,720 --> 01:22:25,440
I was told, age 20, that a song is two minutes, ten seconds,

1555
01:22:25,440 --> 01:22:27,840
and for years, no matter what I thought I was writing,

1556
01:22:27,840 --> 01:22:30,040
it always came out at two minutes, ten seconds.

1557
01:22:31,320 --> 01:22:34,400
I realised, not very long ago, that they actually could be longer.

1558
01:22:38,560 --> 01:22:41,040
# We're listening for the sleigh bells

1559
01:22:41,040 --> 01:22:43,280
# We're looking for the sleigh

1560
01:22:43,280 --> 01:22:47,880
# We hope this special person comes in time for Christmas Day... #

1561
01:22:47,880 --> 01:22:53,360
# Let's join in the magic of Christmas make-believe

1562
01:22:53,360 --> 01:22:57,560
# Who do we all want to see on Christmas Eve?

1563
01:22:57,560 --> 01:22:58,600
# Ann Widdecombe

1564
01:22:58,600 --> 01:23:00,360
# Ann Widdecombe

1565
01:23:00,360 --> 01:23:02,560
# That's who we want to see We agree... #

1566
01:23:02,560 --> 01:23:04,680
Her songs have a lot of depth.

1567
01:23:04,680 --> 01:23:07,000
You know, they are very funny,

1568
01:23:07,000 --> 01:23:09,680
but they're also very, very clever, musically,

1569
01:23:09,680 --> 01:23:12,120
and there's other stuff to them.

1570
01:23:12,120 --> 01:23:13,640
# Ann Widdecombe

1571
01:23:13,640 --> 01:23:14,760
# Ann Widdecombe

1572
01:23:14,760 --> 01:23:16,920
# I like the suits I wear

1573
01:23:16,920 --> 01:23:17,960
# Unsquashable

1574
01:23:17,960 --> 01:23:19,920
# But washable

1575
01:23:19,920 --> 01:23:23,560
# I can't relax!

1576
01:23:23,560 --> 01:23:24,960
# Can't relax!

1577
01:23:24,960 --> 01:23:26,160
# When in slacks

1578
01:23:26,160 --> 01:23:27,400
# Or panda pants! #

1579
01:23:27,400 --> 01:23:29,480
And it's only really in the last few years,

1580
01:23:29,480 --> 01:23:31,600
as I've worked with other musical people,

1581
01:23:31,600 --> 01:23:35,960
that I've got some more sense of what I do is worth doing.

1582
01:23:35,960 --> 01:23:39,960
That these songs are worth writing and that they OK, the songs are OK.

1583
01:23:39,960 --> 01:23:42,640
PIANO INTRO

1584
01:23:42,640 --> 01:23:44,120
The Ballad of Barry and Freda.

1585
01:23:45,280 --> 01:23:46,720
That's just genius.

1586
01:23:48,680 --> 01:23:50,840
It's absolutely sublime. It's spot-on.

1587
01:23:52,520 --> 01:23:56,280
# Freda and Barry sat one night

1588
01:23:56,280 --> 01:23:59,560
# The sky was clear The stars were bright

1589
01:23:59,560 --> 01:24:01,240
# The wind was soft

1590
01:24:01,240 --> 01:24:02,800
# The moon was up

1591
01:24:02,800 --> 01:24:06,120
# Freda drained her cocoa cup

1592
01:24:07,640 --> 01:24:09,040
# She licked her lips

1593
01:24:09,040 --> 01:24:10,840
# She felt sublime

1594
01:24:10,840 --> 01:24:14,360
# She switched off Gardeners' Question Time

1595
01:24:14,360 --> 01:24:17,840
# Barry cringed in fear and dread

1596
01:24:17,840 --> 01:24:23,280
# As Freda grabbed his tie and said,

1597
01:24:23,280 --> 01:24:25,480
# "Let's do it, let's do it

1598
01:24:25,480 --> 01:24:27,440
# "Do it while the mood is right

1599
01:24:27,440 --> 01:24:29,720
# "I'm feelin' appealin'

1600
01:24:29,720 --> 01:24:31,640
# "I've really got an appetite

1601
01:24:31,640 --> 01:24:33,360
# "I'm on fire with desire

1602
01:24:33,360 --> 01:24:36,200
# "I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir

1603
01:24:36,200 --> 01:24:39,360
# "Let's do it. Let's do it tonight!" #

1604
01:24:39,360 --> 01:24:42,680
She could have said, "I could handle all the tenors," but she didn't.

1605
01:24:42,680 --> 01:24:44,800
She just said half of them, which is brilliant.

1606
01:24:44,800 --> 01:24:46,320
# "Go native

1607
01:24:46,320 --> 01:24:49,120
# "Creative living in the living room

1608
01:24:49,120 --> 01:24:51,200
# "This folly is jolly

1609
01:24:51,200 --> 01:24:53,560
# "Bend me over backwards on me hostess trolley

1610
01:24:53,560 --> 01:24:55,480
# Let's do it Let's do it tonight! #

1611
01:24:55,480 --> 01:24:57,920
"Bend me over backwards on the hostess trolley."

1612
01:24:57,920 --> 01:25:00,360
Oh, I had visions of that and just roared laughing.

1613
01:25:00,360 --> 01:25:02,080
There is a theme of trolleys in her work.

1614
01:25:02,080 --> 01:25:04,560
# "I'm older, feel colder

1615
01:25:04,560 --> 01:25:06,760
# "It's other things that turn me on

1616
01:25:06,760 --> 01:25:08,480
# "I'm imploring. I'm boring.

1617
01:25:08,480 --> 01:25:11,200
# "Let me read this catalogue of vinyl flooring

1618
01:25:11,200 --> 01:25:13,760
# "I can't do it I can't do it tonight!" #

1619
01:25:13,760 --> 01:25:16,520
Most of us have been there at one point or another.

1620
01:25:16,520 --> 01:25:20,080
"Oh, no. Not now. Not tonight, Josephine."

1621
01:25:20,080 --> 01:25:22,200
# "Don't angle for me to dangle

1622
01:25:22,200 --> 01:25:24,520
# "Me arms have never been that strong

1623
01:25:24,520 --> 01:25:26,720
# "Stop pouting Stop shouting

1624
01:25:26,720 --> 01:25:29,240
# "You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting

1625
01:25:29,240 --> 01:25:31,880
# "I can't do it I can't do it tonight! #

1626
01:25:31,880 --> 01:25:33,000
It goes on...

1627
01:25:33,000 --> 01:25:34,240
And it's a long song.

1628
01:25:34,240 --> 01:25:35,400
And on...

1629
01:25:35,400 --> 01:25:38,080
Constantly - "Let's do it!" and then the key change.

1630
01:25:38,080 --> 01:25:39,120
# Dah dah dah dah! #

1631
01:25:39,120 --> 01:25:42,200
And you have all these different key changes.

1632
01:25:42,200 --> 01:25:44,360
# "Stop nagging I'm flagging

1633
01:25:44,360 --> 01:25:46,960
# You know as well as I do That the pipes need lagging

1634
01:25:46,960 --> 01:25:50,360
# "I can't do it I can't do it tonight!" #

1635
01:25:50,360 --> 01:25:52,160
It's probably 20 years since I wrote it.

1636
01:25:52,160 --> 01:25:53,480
My voice has got much lower.

1637
01:25:53,480 --> 01:25:55,480
I can only play it in the keys I used to play it in.

1638
01:25:55,480 --> 01:25:57,800
I can't sing it. I look really silly!

1639
01:25:57,800 --> 01:26:00,080
# "You want to grab your man with lust

1640
01:26:00,080 --> 01:26:02,120
"No cautions, just contortions

1641
01:26:02,120 --> 01:26:04,760
# "Smear an avocado on me lower portions... #

1642
01:26:04,760 --> 01:26:08,000
It's a hard song to perform, but bloody hell, it's good.

1643
01:26:08,000 --> 01:26:09,080
It's a work of genius.

1644
01:26:09,080 --> 01:26:13,160
# "Let's do it, let's do it I really want to rant and rave

1645
01:26:13,160 --> 01:26:17,640
# "Let's go, cos I know Just how I want you to behave

1646
01:26:17,640 --> 01:26:19,920
# Not meekly, not bleakly

1647
01:26:19,920 --> 01:26:22,120
# Beat me on the bottom with a Woman's Weekly

1648
01:26:22,120 --> 01:26:32,640
# Let's do it Let's do it tonight! #

1649
01:26:32,640 --> 01:26:34,760
APPLAUSE

1650
01:26:39,000 --> 01:26:41,240
Just even talking about it,

1651
01:26:41,240 --> 01:26:45,680
I've been feeling low down, depressed or whatever,

1652
01:26:45,680 --> 01:26:49,680
bung one of her sketches up or even think about it

1653
01:26:49,680 --> 01:26:52,360
and it chuckles you up for the day.

1654
01:26:52,360 --> 01:26:55,800
May she keep on making me laugh. It's wonderful. Thank you, Victoria.

1655
01:26:55,800 --> 01:26:59,920
It's a cliche to say that Victoria's the sort of person

1656
01:26:59,920 --> 01:27:03,240
you'd like to spend an evening in the pub with, but you would.

1657
01:27:04,520 --> 01:27:06,440
And will you continue to handle my potatoes?

1658
01:27:06,440 --> 01:27:08,440
Of course.

1659
01:27:10,280 --> 01:27:13,160
I have learnt, with Vic, to stop wasting my time

1660
01:27:13,160 --> 01:27:18,000
wishing I could emulate her and to just enjoy admiring her.

1661
01:27:18,000 --> 01:27:22,280
Massive talent, basically, is the secret of her longevity.

1662
01:27:22,280 --> 01:27:28,200
I feel very lucky to be able to think of her as a darling friend.

1663
01:27:28,200 --> 01:27:31,080
Thank you very much. Thank you. Ooh!

1664
01:27:31,080 --> 01:27:32,200
Sorry.

1665
01:27:33,480 --> 01:27:37,800
Just the very fact that Victoria Wood knows I exist

1666
01:27:37,800 --> 01:27:40,280
is enough to make me die happy.

1667
01:27:40,280 --> 01:27:44,240
She will loom large in the history of television and stage comedy

1668
01:27:44,240 --> 01:27:45,760
and writing generally.

1669
01:27:48,480 --> 01:27:53,080
I look back, I feel really fortunate that I managed to get from

1670
01:27:53,080 --> 01:27:56,160
dying the death in a folk club to playing the Albert Hall.

1671
01:27:56,160 --> 01:27:59,400
And I'm proud that I can still go on television now,

1672
01:27:59,400 --> 01:28:02,040
you know, that I've managed to keep a career going

1673
01:28:02,040 --> 01:28:03,560
along all those years.

1674
01:28:03,560 --> 01:28:05,480
And I'm really happy about that.

1675
01:28:05,480 --> 01:28:07,040
I wouldn't change any of that.