1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,720 Good evening. I'm the head of the BBC. 2 00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:04,800 As a public broadcaster, 3 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:08,240 it's essential that we avoid bias by always hearing both sides 4 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:11,720 of an argument. For example, any airtime we give 5 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,600 to a Conservative, we must also give equal airtime 6 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,120 to a crazy commie from the opposition. 7 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:21,800 If the BBC present a news piece about the royal family, 8 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:25,200 to avoid bias, we must also feature an antimonarchist, 9 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:27,760 even if they are a dirty, ignorant crusty. 10 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:32,240 If a documentary features the Archbishop of Canterbury, 11 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:36,800 we must also feature a nonbeliever, even if God will smite them down, 12 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,320 send them to hell and punish them for all eternity. 13 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,960 And if we have a man on to talk about serious issues, 14 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,320 like the economy or foreign affairs, 15 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:48,680 we're also obliged to let a woman appear 16 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:50,520 to gas on about shoes or diets or something. 17 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:51,840 LAUGHTER 18 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:53,000 Goodnight. 19 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,880 He's a hard-bitten cop, looking for a new partner. 20 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:21,040 She's a menopausal lady with a huge collection of Tupperware. 21 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,040 Together they are Good Cop, Indian Mum Cop. 22 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:30,400 Now, come on. You're on the bank's CCTV. 23 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,440 We find 400 grand in your flat. 24 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:37,240 You're bang to rights. Why don't you just confess? 25 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:39,560 Don't know what you're talking about, mate. 26 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:42,840 Oh, come on, Razor, I'm trying to make it easy for you. 27 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:49,400 So you've tried the good cop act, what you going to do - 28 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,080 try and get me to squeal with a bad cop? 29 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,200 You'll see. Come in. 30 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,680 He's all yours. 31 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,280 LAUGHTER 32 00:01:58,280 --> 00:01:59,520 Hello, darling. 33 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:02,320 Agh! 34 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,560 What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?! 35 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:10,280 Loafer, rapscallion, big girl's sari. 36 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:11,920 She's not allowed to do that. 37 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,720 I can do what the bloody hell I like. 38 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,440 I've seen your file. I've talked to your aunt. 39 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:24,480 Oh, yes, me and your Auntie Pat had a nice long chat. 40 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:26,400 You spoke to Auntie Pat? 41 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:28,840 Do you want to kill your auntie with shame? 42 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,760 Auntie Pat don't need to know about this. 43 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,400 Too late, Sonny the Jim. 44 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,760 And if she doesn't put you over her knee, I will. 45 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:40,360 Duffer! Dunce! No-bollocks Nancy! 46 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,880 - So, you ready to confess? - Confess to what? 47 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:46,240 Confess to being a disappointment. 48 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:47,800 I'm not a disappointment. 49 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,840 Oh, really? Do you have a girlfriend? 50 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,240 - No. - Aha! 51 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:58,040 My sister-in-law's cousin's daughter has been single for ever. 52 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:02,120 Do you like very big girls with monobrows? 53 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:05,440 Can we just get back to talking about the robbery? 54 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,600 This is a photograph of your bedroom, 55 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,440 where we found the 400 grand. 56 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:10,640 SHE GASPS 57 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,280 Argh! What's that for? 58 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:16,320 Look at the state of your room. Do you want to catch diseases? 59 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:19,680 When are you going to give your mother some grandchildren? 60 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,640 What's that got to do with anything? 61 00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:23,360 It's got everything to do with everything. 62 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:25,400 Your poor mother, don't be so selfish! 63 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,360 She's the real victim here. 64 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,680 Well, I think the real victim's the bank. 65 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:30,800 Ow! 66 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:36,360 Tell me, Razor, are you eating properly? 67 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,640 - What? - Oh, look at you, you're so thin. 68 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:43,640 You're wasting away. 69 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,680 Let me give you something. 70 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:48,360 We can't expect you to talk when you're hungry. 71 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,240 - No, no, I'm fine. - Samosa? 72 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:51,560 - No, no, I'm... - Pakora? 73 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,720 - No, I don't want nothing. - Aloo tikki? - No. 74 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,600 - Biryani? - No. 75 00:03:55,600 --> 00:04:00,000 Chapati, falooda, dosa, egg curry, bhindi, malak... 76 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,520 Twix? 77 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:04,360 - I'll have the Twix. - Hey! Not for you. 78 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:07,600 Leave it alone. You're too fat already. 79 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:08,720 You are a bit lumpy. 80 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,440 Look at him. Wibble-wobble, wibble-wobble. 81 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,440 No wonder Priya didn't want to go out with him. 82 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:23,160 Razor, tell me, what are you planning to do with the money? 83 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,120 - What money? - The money you stole. 84 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:27,800 You can't leave it lying around. 85 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,080 You really should put it into property. 86 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:34,480 My friend Sushma, she is selling her place. 87 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:38,560 - You know Sushma? - No. - Everybody knows Sushma. 88 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:41,760 Mercedes. One very big ear, one very small ear. 89 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,920 - I haven't got any money. - I can get you a very good deal. 90 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:49,920 Three bedrooms, double garage, gas barbecue. 91 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:53,240 - I'm skint. - Hot tub in the garden for your hot date with Priya. 92 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:57,520 - No, I haven't got a penny. - It's only 400,000. 93 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:02,840 - She take cash? - Got you. 94 00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:06,280 Ha! That... is for stealing the money! 95 00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:08,040 That is for not eating my food! 96 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:12,120 And this is for having filthy thoughts about Priya! 97 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:13,800 LAUGHTER 98 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,720 Get off him, he's not worth it. 99 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,480 You're two weeks from retirement. 100 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,280 - BREATHLESS: - I'm all right. I'm all right. 101 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,440 We've got what we need, now take him away. 102 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:28,080 OK. Come on, darling. 103 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:29,720 Argh! 104 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,280 Where are you taking me, to the cells? 105 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:34,080 No, to the bank, to apologise. 106 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:36,880 Move away from the Twix! 107 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:46,040 Opera boy band Il Primadonnas return with their brand-new album, 108 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:50,680 Songs Of The Playground, including this tender ballad. 109 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:55,720 # Pick it, lick it roll it, flick it 110 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:57,960 # Lick it... # 111 00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:03,600 Let them captivate you with their rousing rendition 112 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,560 of English Country Garden. 113 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:08,960 # What do you do when you want to do a poo 114 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:12,080 - ALL: - # In an English country garden? 115 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,600 # Pull down your pants and suffocate the ants 116 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:23,400 # In an English country ga-a-a-rden. # 117 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:28,160 Witness Il Primadonnas at their most passionate as they sing 118 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:30,200 Yum-Yum, Bubble Gum. 119 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:33,280 # Yum-yum, bubble gum, stick it up the teacher's bum 120 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:35,920 # When it sticks, pull her tits then we'll all have Weetabix 121 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,520 # Yum-yum, bubble gum, stick it up the teacher's bum 122 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:42,040 # When it sticks, pull her tits then we'll all have Weetabix. # 123 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,800 Marvel at the epic love story of 124 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:48,040 star-crossed lovers Fatty and Skinny. 125 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:52,280 # Fatty and Skinny were in the bath Fatty blew off and Skinny laughed 126 00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:55,480 # Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha. # 127 00:06:55,480 --> 00:07:00,960 Listen in wonder as Il Primadonnas dig deep into their souls to channel 128 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:04,280 the heartfelt pain of diarrhoea. 129 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:10,560 # People think it's funny but it's really hot and runny, diarrhoea 130 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:13,000 # Diarrhoea 131 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:18,160 # People think it's funny but it's really hot and runny, diarrhoea 132 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,480 # Diarrhoea. # 133 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:25,080 Il Primadonnas' Songs Of The Playground - 134 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:29,520 the perfect album to give your loved one this Valentine's Day. 135 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,120 # My friend Billy had a ten-foot Willy 136 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,200 # And he showed it to the girl next door 137 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,440 # She thought it was a snake and she hit him with a rake 138 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:37,840 # And now it's only four foot four 139 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:39,360 # Now it's only four foot four 140 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,440 # Four foot four. # 141 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:46,320 I know, and it wasn't even that expensive. 142 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,640 So I thought, "Why not? Go on, treat yourself." 143 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:49,760 ENTRY BUZZER 144 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,200 Oh, it's here. Wish me luck. 145 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,320 Somebody order a malebot? 146 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:03,560 - Yes, that's right. - Sign here, love. 147 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,280 Thank you. 148 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,760 So, where is he? 149 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,080 It's me. 150 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,400 Sorry, you're the pleasure robot? 151 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:22,640 - That's right, darling. - Are you sure? 152 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,760 You don't look like a robot. 153 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,920 We are getting more and more realistic every day. 154 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,560 Oh, no. No, no, no, I think there's been some sort of mix-up. 155 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:33,440 The... The robot I ordered looks like this. 156 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,520 Oh, yeah, a lot of ladies do go 157 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,840 for that model, the Cristiano. 158 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,960 - I'm the Terry. - But I want a Cristiano. 159 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,320 Well, you should have read your contract. 160 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,880 If he is out of stock, Malebot Inc endeavour 161 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:52,280 to replace him with a product that is similar 162 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:53,720 or higher quality. 163 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:56,280 And that's you, is it? 164 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,760 Yeah. It's like Ocado. 165 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:01,040 You order bog rolls and you get nappies. 166 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:06,000 But I don't understand why they had to make a robot so unattractive. 167 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,720 Oh, that's nice, isn't it? 168 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:10,400 I'll have you know, love, this ain't fat, 169 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:13,800 there's a lot of state-of-the-art technology packed into here. 170 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,360 And they had to put it all in your belly, did they? 171 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,280 No. Some of it's in me chins. 172 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:21,520 A lot of it's on my arse. 173 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:26,880 Right, now, get out the way. I want to have a sit down. 174 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:30,520 You really need to get a lift in a building of this size. 175 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,800 It's two floors. 176 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:35,080 Yeah, tell me about it. 177 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:36,280 Now... 178 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,840 ..plug this in, will you? 179 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,160 - Where? - Plug socket. 180 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,000 Oh, thank God for that. 181 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,320 Ohh. That's better. 182 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,600 Robot equivalent of a nice cup of tea and a biscuit. 183 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,480 Five minutes, I'll be good to go. 184 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,400 So where do you want to start, bedroom? 185 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,480 N-No. Thank you. 186 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:04,400 You sure? Rutting is my prime directive. 187 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,000 I've been programmed with over two sexual positions. 188 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:10,640 Well, actually, that is a step up from ex-husband, 189 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:13,360 but, no, sorry, never. 190 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,120 So why don't you cook me something then? 191 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,600 You do cook, don't you? I saw it on the website. 192 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:19,960 Oh, yeah, about that, 193 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:23,160 the truth is I deleted the cordon bleu cooking programme. 194 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:25,480 I wanted to record the West Ham game. 195 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:28,160 This really isn't working out, is it? 196 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:30,680 I would like to return you straightaway. 197 00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:32,640 Sorry, love, you've already signed for me. 198 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,280 I just want you to go! 199 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:39,200 Listen, all us Malebot 5000s are programmed 200 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,800 to give sensitive emotional advice. 201 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:46,080 - Really? - Yes. 202 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:49,080 Now, come on, Jenny, I sense hurt. 203 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,080 Let me in. 204 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:53,200 LAUGHTER 205 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:57,640 Oh, Terry, you're right. 206 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,480 I suppose you must have guessed by the fact that I ordered you 207 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:04,360 that there's a hole my life. After my marriage broke down, 208 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:08,200 I had a few relationships, but none of them seemed to last. 209 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,640 And I've tried internet dating, but men my age just aren't interested 210 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:15,320 in women my age. I suppose that's when I saw 211 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,920 your advert for the malebot. 212 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:21,360 And I thought you could be the answer to all my dreams. 213 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:22,840 SNORING 214 00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:31,480 HE BREAKS WIND 215 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,080 Oh. Oh. 216 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:38,280 - NERVOUS VOICE: - Here at Safe Savers, 217 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,880 our staff are proud to bring you unbeatable value. 218 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,880 - FLAT VOICE: - Check out the cheese section, 219 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:46,840 where we have lots of cheap...cheeses. 220 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,120 Psst! 221 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:51,960 Art thou looking for great value sau-sages? 222 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:54,840 Then stop! Look no further. 223 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,800 Your quest is at an end, my friend. 224 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,800 Thou will never, ever find cheaper sau-sages. 225 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,680 We've got a great deal on bin bags. 226 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,000 Our price on all multipacks of crisps. 227 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,880 Check out the savings all over the store. 228 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:17,760 We will SAVE you £1.50 on beef-bur-gers. 229 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:23,680 Buy this curry sauce, get double Super Savers points. 230 00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:26,000 Just out-of-date biscuits - half price. 231 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,800 50% off these chicken "nou-get". 232 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,320 Yorkshirean puddings, 233 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,560 mini cay-akes and chicken... 234 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:37,920 SATAY! 235 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:44,200 If thou thinkest thou canst get a cheaper deal elsewhere, 236 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,080 then you can take your money back! 237 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:50,240 Never darken the door of Super Savers again! 238 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,720 Super Savers. 239 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,320 - OTHERS MUMBLE: - ..never be beaten... 240 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,960 Our prices will never, ever be beaten. 241 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:00,560 And bow. 242 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,800 Exit stage left. 243 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,280 Encore. For me? 244 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,160 LAUGHTER 245 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:28,760 Good evening, and welcome to Election Debate Live, 246 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:32,640 where we have representatives from all the major political parties. 247 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:37,200 We'll start tonight with an audience question from Major Gerard Napier. 248 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,000 Ever since I was a young boy, 249 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:43,120 I've been a fan of the pop singer Justin Bieber. 250 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,480 And as a staunch Belieber, 251 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:49,240 I would like to ask the panel their view on the Bieb's hair. 252 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:52,880 Should it be combed forward or short and spiky? 253 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:55,840 Charles Edwards, Conservative. 254 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:58,160 The Conservative Party have always 255 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:00,640 had a clear vision for Justin Bieber's hair. 256 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,560 We want it back to how it was 257 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:05,200 when he first went viral on YouTube. 258 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:08,200 Combed or brushed forward! 259 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:09,560 Ruth Williams, Labour. 260 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:12,160 Typical. This just shows how completely out of touch 261 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,400 the Government is with modern Britain. 262 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,120 If you actually speak to the hard-working families 263 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,560 in this country - as I have - 264 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:21,360 they like Bieb's hair best when it was long on the top, 265 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,080 shaved on the sides and he looked like a lesbian. 266 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:28,120 What is Ukip's position on Justin Bieber's hair? 267 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,160 Let's have a reality check here. 268 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,520 When it was long, around the time of his collaboration 269 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,200 with Sean Kingston on the single Eenie Meanie, 270 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:37,600 J Biebs looked like a girl. 271 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,760 A very attractive girl, I'll warrant you. 272 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:43,680 A girl I would very much like to kiss, but a girl nevertheless. 273 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:46,480 A crewcut is much more appropriate. Short and neat. 274 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,520 At last, he looks like a man. 275 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,960 A man I would very much like to kiss. 276 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:55,840 With all due respect, no way should JB's hair be short. 277 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:59,760 If you actually take the time to sit down and watch the video for 278 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:03,080 Baby, Baby, Baby, Oh hundreds of times, as I have, 279 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,760 you'll see Justin's hair at its best - 280 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:09,880 silky and luscious and perfectly framing his adorable face, 281 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:12,720 which sits proudly atop his banging bod. 282 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:13,920 Now, the Conservative... 283 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:16,280 No, no, no, you've had your say, you've had your say. 284 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:21,440 Bieb's hair has to be Ross Kemp on the sides, Clare Balding on the top. 285 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:24,720 May I remind the panel they're not discussing 286 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,120 JB's buns, guns or killer abs tonight. 287 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,400 We covered those in depth last week in Norwich. 288 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:32,120 Before we move onto the next question, 289 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:35,680 I'd like to bring in the leader of the Scottish National Party. 290 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:37,280 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 291 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,960 Well, thank you. 292 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:45,320 We in Scotland feel there is much more pressing issues facing us today 293 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,840 than a Canadian pop star's hair. 294 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,720 Let him have it whatever way he wants. 295 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,800 As long as it's dyed ginger! 296 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,360 No way... 297 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,160 THEY SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER 298 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:04,240 A group of celebrities who used to captivate their audience. 299 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,600 Now, their audience are holding them captive. 300 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,120 Will they ever be let out? 301 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,360 No. They should have read the small print. 302 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:15,240 This is the most degrading reality show on television. 303 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,360 Welcome to Celebrity Slammer! 304 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,240 3987. 305 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,080 Eamonn Holmes is receiving a visit from his TV 306 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,920 and real life wife Ruth Langsford. 307 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,280 You know, I'm beginning to think, love, 308 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:44,320 that it was a big mistake you signing me up 309 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:45,800 for this Celebrity Slammer. 310 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:49,040 Yeah, but your appearance fee paid for the most unbelievable holiday 311 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:52,280 in the Maldives. We had nearly three months there. It was fantastic. 312 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:54,320 - We? - Well, anyway, doesn't matter. 313 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,800 But you are coming over so well on TV. 314 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,160 Ruthie, I just want to come home. 315 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:01,680 Listen, darling, you've only got three years. 316 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,320 Two years with good behaviour. 317 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:05,600 - Won't be long. - I miss you so much, darling. 318 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,520 - Mmm, that's nice. - I love you. 319 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,560 - Oh, that's really sweet. - MOBILE PHONE RINGS 320 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:10,800 Oh, excuse me. 321 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:13,560 Hi, baby. 322 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,040 About half an hour. No, doesn't suspect a thing. 323 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:17,960 LAUGHTER 324 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:19,400 - Who was that? - Oh, doesn't matter. 325 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:20,760 Listen, it won't be long now 326 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,840 I've got to go, but I'll see you, what, six months? 327 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,120 - Six months? - Yeah, six months goes really quickly. 328 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:28,040 Listen, so proud of you. 329 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:32,040 Pretend children's book author David Walliams is in the diary cell. 330 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,120 If there is a plus side to Celebrity Slammer, 331 00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:36,080 it's that it's had a profound effect 332 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:37,360 on some of the inmates. 333 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,680 Because we're all locked up, oh, 24 hours a day, 334 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,440 quite a few cellmates have turned to religion. 335 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:45,920 Jim Davidson has joined the Hare Krishnas. 336 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:47,840 Chris Evans is now a Buddhist monk, 337 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,640 he's shaved his head and taken a vow of silence, 338 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:53,400 which is a relief for everyone. 339 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,080 And of course Nigel Farage has converted to Islam. 340 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,280 Sorry, I shouldn't call him "Nigel" Farage. Muhammad Farage. 341 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:05,640 It's 4pm and Eamonn Holmes has returned to his shared cell. 342 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,720 Hey, I know what would cheer him up. We'll sing my favourite song. 343 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:09,920 Oh, good, let's have a go. 344 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,160 # ChuckleVision Chuckle-ChuckleVision 345 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,440 # ChuckleVision Chuckle-ChuckleVision... # 346 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:18,880 Have you always dreamed of living like a Celebrity Slammer inmate? 347 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,480 Then why not enter our premium rate competition now 348 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,240 and you could win these amazing prizes? 349 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,320 A monogrammed slop bucket. 350 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:27,800 A home-made knuckle-duster 351 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,920 confiscated from Christopher Biggins. 352 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,600 A year's supply of toilet roll. 353 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:35,000 And a two-week luxury stay in the Chuckle Brothers' cell. 354 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,200 Terms and conditions apply. Winner will be detained for a period of 355 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,360 up to 25 years. Winners must sleep between Paul and Barry Chuckle. 356 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,480 'I am not going to tell her. You should tell her. 357 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,200 'I can't tell her, she's six! 358 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,000 'You get in there and tell her right now!' 359 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:51,440 Hello, sweetheart. 360 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,400 Hi, darling. 361 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,800 Tell me what, Daddy? 362 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,280 Oh, what are you playing with there? 363 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:03,000 - Peppa Pig? - I'm making a house for Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig. 364 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,120 Oh, well, what if Mummy Pig went to live 365 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,680 in the Peppa Pig house and Daddy Pig 366 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:12,000 went to live in the Peppa Pig car? 367 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,520 Why would Daddy Pig live in the Peppa Pig car? 368 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,280 Because he's looking for rented accommodation. 369 00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:21,240 What's rented accommodation? 370 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:27,040 It's where Daddy Pig goes when he's upset Mummy Pig. 371 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,760 Why has Daddy Pig upset Mummy Pig? 372 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:30,840 I'll let you take over. 373 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:33,080 Oh, no, no, no, why don't you carry on? 374 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,920 You're doing so well. 375 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:41,080 Well, you know Daddy Pig is really good friends with Captain Dog? 376 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,320 LAUGHTER 377 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:46,680 Daddy Pig and Captain Dog were at a heating and engineering conference 378 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:48,280 just outside of Leicester. 379 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,960 On the last night, Captain Dog 380 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:55,120 knocked on Daddy Pig's hotel room door. 381 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:58,880 Was Captain Dog scared and wanted to sleep in Daddy Pig's bed? 382 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,400 Yes. Something like that. 383 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:04,800 Daddy Pig was scared. 384 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:07,280 But he was also heady with excitement. 385 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,840 Then, in the morning, Mummy Pig 386 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,320 called Daddy Pig's hotel room, 387 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:15,480 and Captain Dog picked up the phone. 388 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,640 And Mummy Pig was a little bit cross. 389 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:19,880 That's an understatement. 390 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,160 Why was she cross? 391 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,960 Because Mummy Pig went through Daddy Pig's text messages 392 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:30,000 and Daddy Pig had to admit that for the past six months 393 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,880 he'd be meeting up with Captain Dog in the Peppa Pig car. 394 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:37,400 When he said he was looking at tools in B&Q. 395 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:42,880 Well, now we know what kind of tool he was really looking at. 396 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:46,880 So are Daddy Pig and Captain Dog going to live together? 397 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,320 No. Daddy Pig was very upset 398 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:53,160 when he found that Captain Dog had a new best friend. 399 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:58,160 Called Raul, who he met on Grindr. 400 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:01,440 What's that? 401 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:04,920 I'll let Mummy explain. 402 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:06,960 I'll be in the Peppa Pig car. 403 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,560 Thanks so much for coming in. 404 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,480 Today we are auditioning for the News At Ten. 405 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,960 - Oh, right. - We are looking to cast the people 406 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,120 who sit at computers and sort of mill around 407 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:20,280 in the background behind the newsreaders. 408 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:23,200 Oh, that will be really interesting for me, actually, 409 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,480 it's very different to the sort of roles I normally play. 410 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:30,640 - Oh, what have you done before? - Oh, you know, a real range of parts, 411 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:35,840 women in sari shop, corner shop owner's sister, Indian prostitute... 412 00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:41,360 Erm, woman in queue for Bollywood film, Mexican prostitute, 413 00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:47,360 women being frisked by airport security, Osama bin Laden's wife, 414 00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:50,080 woman in hat behind Ben Kingsley. 415 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:53,040 Oh, and I'm in the new series of Casualty. 416 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,240 Oh, great, who are you playing, one of the doctors? 417 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:56,720 Woman choking on poppadom. 418 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,920 Well, let's just look at this role today, shall we? 419 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,920 - Does the character have a name? - Oh, yes, yes, she does. 420 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:08,120 She does. She is called... 421 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:13,120 "Woman Who Works In Newsroom (Racial Diversity Opportunity?)" 422 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,520 Ah, so, very simple. 423 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,320 All we need you to do is just walk into the background and pick up 424 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:21,640 - that piece of paper. - OK. 425 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,200 OK. Action. 426 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,000 Good evening and welcome to the News At Ten. 427 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,280 Tonight's lead story. 428 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,960 The Prime Minister was at the G8 summit today to discuss... 429 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,400 - I'll stop you there. - Yeah? 430 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,600 That was a bit big. 431 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,280 - Was it? - Yeah. 432 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:39,480 Oh. 433 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,360 - Why not just have another go? - OK. 434 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,640 - Action. - Good evening and welcome to the News At Ten. 435 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:47,800 Tonight's lead story. 436 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,000 The Prime Minister was at the G8 summit today to discuss climate change... 437 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:54,800 Oh, my God, Clive, you've got to see this! It's awful! 438 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,440 SHE SOBS THEATRICALLY 439 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,160 - I'll stop you there. - Yeah? 440 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,760 You know what I said earlier about being a bit big? 441 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:03,560 - Yeah. - You're doing it again. 442 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:04,960 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 443 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:06,720 - Yes! - So... 444 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:11,160 I've got an idea. Let's try something else. 445 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,920 Basically, the focus is on the newsreader. 446 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,000 We just need you to be as real as possible. 447 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,960 So why don't you just go into the background 448 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:21,640 - and pick up the telephone as if a news story's come in? OK? - OK. 449 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,240 And...action. 450 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,560 Good evening and welcome to the News At Ten. 451 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,560 Tonight's lead story, the Prime Minister... 452 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,120 - Ring, ring! - ..was at the G8 summit... 453 00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:32,120 Ring, ring! 454 00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:33,440 Ring, ring! 455 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:37,040 Thanks a lot, I don't think this is for you. 456 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,800 Oh. OK. 457 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,000 Well, oh, it's fine. 458 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,120 I've actually got a heavy pencil on another job 459 00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:44,880 - and there might have been a dates clash. - Oh, what's the role? 460 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:46,480 Mixed-heritage prostitute. 461 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,080 - Good luck with that. - OK, well, thanks for seeing me anyway. 462 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:52,240 Bye. 463 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,400 Stop right there. That was brilliant. 464 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,120 The way you just walked out, that was so real, so natural. 465 00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:02,400 - Really? - Yeah, just, just do it again for me. 466 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:03,960 - OK. - OK. 467 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:09,000 - Action. - Good evening and welcome to the News At Ten. 468 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,440 Tonight's lead story... 469 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,080 LAUGHTER 470 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:16,680 - Like that? - We'll let your agent know. 471 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:24,920 Your three o'clock is here. 472 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:26,880 Oh, what's his name again? 473 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,160 - He says it's...Gaz. - OK. Send him in. 474 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:33,560 Oi, oi, it's Gaz! 475 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,960 Hello, Gaz. Well, your persistence has paid off. 476 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,880 Do have a seat. I believe you have an idea 477 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,080 for a new TV show, 478 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,000 so why don't I just let you dive in? 479 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:49,520 It's Saturday night, teatime, and your hosts are Ant and Dec. 480 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,880 Oh, well, everybody loves Ant and Dec. 481 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:53,520 So what's the show called? 482 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:57,960 - Ant And Dec's Saturday Night Piss-Up. - Piss-up? 483 00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:01,720 Ant and Dec come out, they have a bit of banter, usual stuff. 484 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:05,360 Ant says to Dec, "Oi, Dec, I hate your guts, you short prick!" 485 00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:08,560 And then Dec lamps Ant. They have a bit of a ruck. 486 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:11,560 - They have a fight? - Yeah, but Simon Cowells comes out, 487 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,360 breaks up the fight and then he does his catchphrase. 488 00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:18,040 "Watch it, everybody!" And the audience all go, "Watch it, Simon!" 489 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,000 I've never heard him say that. 490 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,160 Yeah, you have. It's his catchphrase. 491 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,200 And then he starts singing the Macarena. 492 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:26,960 Does the dance and all. 493 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:28,040 # Oh, Macarena. # 494 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:31,240 - But Clarksons, he don't like it. - Jeremy Clarkson? 495 00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:34,400 Yeah, he's in it, keep up. And he's got a bazooka. 496 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:35,760 A bazooka? 497 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,880 Yeah, you can get them quite cheap these days. 498 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,200 And he's going, "Simon, stop singing." 499 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,440 And Simon's going, "Ohhh, Macarena!" 500 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:46,360 So Clarkson gets out his bazooka and blows up Simon Cowells. 501 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,960 Ad break. 502 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:52,440 Right, thanks so much for coming in. 503 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,960 - It was... - Back from the ads and they clean up the bits of Simon Cowell, 504 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,960 they've exploded all over the audience. 505 00:25:57,960 --> 00:25:59,240 Then who turns up? 506 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,120 I have absolutely no idea. 507 00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:02,560 Holly Willoughbys. 508 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,120 And just for a laugh, she's got no top on. 509 00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:07,320 Something for the dads and the grandads. 510 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:08,760 And she gives out the scores. 511 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,160 You know, that... That just doesn't make sense. 512 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:12,760 Why are there scores? 513 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,840 She says, "Simon Cowell's team has got no points, 514 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,000 "but Paddy McGuinness's team has got ten." 515 00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:22,480 - Paddy McGuinness is there? - Yeah, he's a team captain. 516 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,720 Keep up. And then there's a knock on the door. 517 00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,160 Who's this? 518 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:29,160 It's Gary Linekers. 519 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:32,480 And Ant and Dec say, "Oi, Gary, you've got to eat that." 520 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,680 And Gary's going, "I'm not going to eat that." 521 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,680 And it's something really disgusting. 522 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,640 Something you wouldn't even want to put in your mouth, like... 523 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:43,600 hummus. Ant and Dec go, "You've got to eat it, Gary, 524 00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,440 "or nobody gets their dinner in the jungle." 525 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,680 The jungle? The show takes place in the jungle? 526 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:51,080 Yeah, it's all in the jungle. 527 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:53,760 Keep up. And then they go over to Will.i.am, 528 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,080 who's sitting in this big red chair, all right? 529 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,280 And this bloke comes out and he sings a song 530 00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:01,160 and the song's all right, and Will.i.am spins round, 531 00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:04,240 he sees the guy and he goes, "Oh, no, I got a fatty!" 532 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,040 LAUGHTER 533 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:07,600 That all kicks off. 534 00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:09,640 And then who slides down the pole? 535 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:11,360 Where does the pole come from? 536 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:17,520 Well, from the ceiling. Look. Who slides down it? 537 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:21,360 Noel Edmond. Yeah. And it's called Noel's Pole. 538 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,120 That was all my idea. 539 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:27,720 And Noel's got all these red boxes, but he's done a dump in one. 540 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,640 I have a very important meeting that I need to get to... 541 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,800 And then it's the big finale! 542 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,640 Michael Bubles comes out. 543 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,960 Bow tie, dinner jacket. He's had a shave. 544 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:40,480 And he wops his old fella out. 545 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:43,800 Something for the mums and the grannies. 546 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,200 And he starts singing his song. 547 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:50,480 # New York, it's a city what never kips... # 548 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:54,040 And he starts swinging his old fella round like a propeller. 549 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,760 But he don't get his balls out. 550 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,160 Because it's teatime and there could be kiddies watching, 551 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:01,440 and that would be wrong. And then who comes out of the Love Lift? 552 00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,720 I really need to wrap this up right now, so... 553 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:05,520 Davina McCalls. 554 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:08,880 And she says, "Because of your donations tonight, 555 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:12,120 "we have raised a million quids." 556 00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:14,160 Wait, the show's for charity? 557 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,600 No, all the money goes to me. 558 00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:23,200 This is the worst idea I have ever heard. Get out. 559 00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:27,960 - AUDIENCE: - Aww. 560 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:29,760 If you want, Bubles could get his balls out... 561 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:30,920 Out!