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www.titlovi.com
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Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
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What's the door
closed for? This door is closed.
4
00:00:48,850 --> 00:00:50,790
Who's in here? Ciara?
5
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Ma, I'm in the bath!
6
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The door's locked!
Are you all right? Ciara!
7
00:00:56,031 --> 00:00:57,591
Yes, I'm all right!
8
00:00:59,431 --> 00:01:01,430
No, Ma...
9
00:01:01,431 --> 00:01:03,911
Ma, please, just leave me alone!
10
00:01:05,591 --> 00:01:07,951
Holy God, are you all right?
Is the light broken?
11
00:01:11,191 --> 00:01:13,390
No, it's working.
Ma, I want the light off.
12
00:01:13,391 --> 00:01:16,310
Why do you want the light off when
you're having a bath? You'll drown.
13
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I won't drown, Ma. I'm not a puppy.
14
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I want your opinion on something.
Oh, leave me alone.
15
00:01:21,191 --> 00:01:23,350
Oh, shut up, everyone's got a bum.
16
00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:25,870
Now, taste this gravy. No! Go on.
17
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No, Ma, I'm trying to pretend
I'm in Thailand.
18
00:01:28,951 --> 00:01:31,511
Does it need more hot water
or more granules?
19
00:01:35,271 --> 00:01:36,791
No, go away.
20
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:41,550
Not for you, not for you.
Any joy there now, Martin?
21
00:01:41,551 --> 00:01:44,270
What's wrong with it, Carmel?
Jesus, what's right with it?
22
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,190
Turns itself off
at the drop of a hat,
23
00:01:46,191 --> 00:01:48,510
keeps trying to electrocute me,
makes the milk warm.
24
00:01:48,511 --> 00:01:51,470
I hear conversations coming from
that in the middle of the night.
25
00:01:51,471 --> 00:01:54,590
Conversations? Like, "Uhmamhmlmuhm!"
26
00:01:54,591 --> 00:01:57,870
Sounds like a pub in there.
It's just a demented fridge.
27
00:01:57,871 --> 00:01:59,870
Well, how are you doing there, sexy?
28
00:01:59,871 --> 00:02:01,191
Fine. I was talking to Martin!
29
00:02:02,431 --> 00:02:04,870
Very well, thanks, Tony.
I was only messing. I know.
30
00:02:04,871 --> 00:02:07,510
Oh, I'm sorry, I was only messing.
Go away. Go away from me.
31
00:02:07,511 --> 00:02:08,870
Tony, in future... I had a pen.
32
00:02:08,871 --> 00:02:11,910
Would you be able to maybe sweat
a bit more evenly? Where's my pen?
33
00:02:11,911 --> 00:02:14,310
It's all in the collar there.
Boil wash does nothing.
34
00:02:14,311 --> 00:02:15,950
You've nothing to wear tonight.
35
00:02:15,951 --> 00:02:18,270
What's tonight?
Oh, you know what's tonight.
36
00:02:18,271 --> 00:02:19,630
That's tonight? Yes.
37
00:02:19,631 --> 00:02:22,350
They'll be gone by nine, though,
won't they? I don't know.
38
00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:24,151
I want a good, long,
hard look at him.
39
00:02:25,591 --> 00:02:27,270
Oh, I saw that. It's nothing.
40
00:02:27,271 --> 00:02:30,030
Will you make a doctor's
appointment? Doctor's appointment?
41
00:02:30,031 --> 00:02:33,350
Well, that's a great idea, Carmel.
Have you got 65 euros, please?
42
00:02:33,351 --> 00:02:35,550
Tony, just give Dr Cusack a call.
43
00:02:35,551 --> 00:02:37,270
Dr Cusack has freezing hands
44
00:02:37,271 --> 00:02:40,110
and he always gets you to wait for
more than an hour. Do you know why?
45
00:02:40,111 --> 00:02:41,350
Cos he charges for parking.
46
00:02:41,351 --> 00:02:43,910
Can't keep using that as an excuse.
It's a five-minute walk.
47
00:02:43,911 --> 00:02:46,790
You try walking with this thing.
You can't keep avoiding the issue.
48
00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,670
I'm not, I'm picking Rory up
from work.
49
00:02:48,671 --> 00:02:50,630
Tony, you have to get
that bottom looked at.
50
00:02:50,631 --> 00:02:53,551
Stop talking about it
in front of Martin. Yes, Tony?
51
00:03:28,431 --> 00:03:31,110
I'm locking up. Fair play to you.
52
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:33,551
They have you practically
running that place now.
53
00:03:34,991 --> 00:03:36,311
Yeah. Come on, then.
54
00:03:45,351 --> 00:03:47,631
Ah, I'm only codding you,
Rory. Hop in.
55
00:03:51,511 --> 00:03:53,870
That's brilliant!
56
00:03:53,871 --> 00:03:57,031
Get in if you're getting in, Rory.
I'm trying, Da.
57
00:04:00,151 --> 00:04:02,670
What are you making gravy for
anyway, Ma?
58
00:04:02,671 --> 00:04:06,271
Graham's just popping his head in.
We're going out for dinner. I know.
59
00:04:07,551 --> 00:04:10,190
Why is this always here?
60
00:04:10,191 --> 00:04:13,110
For drying the shoes. How are you?
61
00:04:13,111 --> 00:04:16,550
How are the nerves? Are you going
mental with them? I know I would be.
62
00:04:16,551 --> 00:04:19,110
I know if my boyfriend was
popping round for the first time,
63
00:04:19,111 --> 00:04:21,630
I'd be going absolutely mental
round about now.
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00:04:21,631 --> 00:04:25,910
Actually, I am a bit worried about
the impression Graham might get.
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00:04:25,911 --> 00:04:31,030
Oh, God, yes. With those two eejits.
We need to watch them like hawks.
66
00:04:31,031 --> 00:04:34,711
I mean, we wouldn't want them doing
anything that might show us up.
67
00:04:34,782 --> 00:04:37,221
What is that up my nose?
68
00:04:37,222 --> 00:04:39,222
Oh, no, I know what that is.
69
00:04:40,662 --> 00:04:43,341
Oh, Da,
what would you prefer, right?
70
00:04:43,342 --> 00:04:46,341
Not being able to go to the toilet
for the rest of your life,
71
00:04:46,342 --> 00:04:49,661
or ONLY being able to go to the
toilet for the rest of your life?
72
00:04:49,662 --> 00:04:52,181
Oh, tough one, Rory, tough one!
73
00:04:52,182 --> 00:04:55,141
Hmm... Only being able to go to
the toilet the rest of my life.
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00:04:55,142 --> 00:04:57,781
Yeah, I'd agree.
Definitely, 100%. Reasons?
75
00:04:57,782 --> 00:05:00,541
Well, first of all, constant relief.
76
00:05:00,542 --> 00:05:03,102
Yes. Never turn your nose up
at constant relief.
77
00:05:04,422 --> 00:05:07,901
Now, don't be engaging in any
conversations with Ciara's fella,
78
00:05:07,902 --> 00:05:10,301
all right?
We need them gone by nine. Why?
79
00:05:10,302 --> 00:05:13,581
Something on the telly I want
to watch. Thing about The Goose.
80
00:05:13,582 --> 00:05:16,221
The what? The Goose.
81
00:05:16,222 --> 00:05:20,221
John Gander, crime boss,
the most dangerous man in Dublin.
82
00:05:20,222 --> 00:05:23,501
Oh, him. I heard about him.
I heard he got shot in the face
83
00:05:23,502 --> 00:05:26,222
and now his left eyeball is
made of Waterford Crystal.
84
00:05:27,502 --> 00:05:29,741
There's many a wild rumour
about The Goose.
85
00:05:29,742 --> 00:05:31,062
It was his right eye.
86
00:05:33,422 --> 00:05:36,621
So what do you know about this fella
anyway? Just that eyeball thing.
87
00:05:36,622 --> 00:05:40,341
No, Ciara's fella. Oh, his name's
Graham Gill and he's a doctor.
88
00:05:40,342 --> 00:05:43,061
How did you find that out?
I read her texts.
89
00:05:43,062 --> 00:05:44,742
Doctor? That's a step up.
90
00:05:46,142 --> 00:05:47,662
Six nuggets! Six nuggets!
91
00:05:49,382 --> 00:05:52,341
And he's always talking about how
he wants to examine her.
92
00:05:52,342 --> 00:05:55,541
God Almighty! He must be rolling
in it if he can do her for free.
93
00:05:55,542 --> 00:05:57,621
Oh, Rory, this isn't our house.
94
00:05:57,622 --> 00:06:00,701
This must be where Cindy Crawford
and Pamela Anderson live.
95
00:06:00,702 --> 00:06:02,821
Sorry, ladies,
we'll let you get on with your day.
96
00:06:02,822 --> 00:06:04,422
Dad, it's Ma and Ciara.
97
00:06:05,622 --> 00:06:06,862
Awoogah!
98
00:06:08,062 --> 00:06:09,741
All right, you two, listen up.
99
00:06:09,742 --> 00:06:12,621
Eyes and ears. Ciara had something
she wanted to say.
100
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,581
Now, Ciara, nice, big, loud voice.
101
00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:17,021
Again, Ma, this is for everyone...
102
00:06:17,022 --> 00:06:19,262
Everyone, do you hear that?
That means you two.
103
00:06:20,262 --> 00:06:21,701
When Graham's here,
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00:06:21,702 --> 00:06:25,181
if the conversation starts drifting
into a dangerous area,
105
00:06:25,182 --> 00:06:27,181
I'll say something. What do you mean?
106
00:06:27,182 --> 00:06:29,461
I'm trying to tell you, Da.
107
00:06:29,462 --> 00:06:32,701
Something like a code or... A code?
108
00:06:32,702 --> 00:06:35,661
A safety word. I think
that's what Ciara is trying to say.
109
00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:38,461
Something to calm things down
if it gets a bit hot and heavy.
110
00:06:38,462 --> 00:06:41,101
I'll say something like,
"It's been very mild recently."
111
00:06:41,102 --> 00:06:42,141
That's very clever.
112
00:06:42,142 --> 00:06:44,821
Because it hasn't been mild,
it's actually been very close.
113
00:06:44,822 --> 00:06:46,701
That will alert us
something is going on.
114
00:06:46,702 --> 00:06:49,261
Hasn't been that close, Carmel.
It has been close, Tony.
115
00:06:49,262 --> 00:06:51,741
That thing on your bottom
only comes out when it's close.
116
00:06:51,742 --> 00:06:54,582
What's this? It's a brilliant list
of rude words! Look, Da!
117
00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:58,941
No, no, no! Those are the words
you're not allowed to talk about.
118
00:06:58,942 --> 00:07:00,341
Me and Ciara wrote it up.
119
00:07:00,342 --> 00:07:01,981
But these are all the good words.
120
00:07:01,982 --> 00:07:04,501
Is this necessary?
Can we not just all be ourselves?
121
00:07:04,502 --> 00:07:05,861
No!
122
00:07:05,862 --> 00:07:09,461
This is exactly what we don't want -
you two eejits being yourselves.
123
00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:11,981
Just to say again, Ma,
this is for everyone.
124
00:07:11,982 --> 00:07:15,261
Yeah, you hear that, you two? We've
literally nothing left to say now.
125
00:07:15,262 --> 00:07:16,621
Rory!
126
00:07:16,622 --> 00:07:20,501
Now, Ciara, may I add a word
to that list, please? What?
127
00:07:20,502 --> 00:07:21,981
Fart.
128
00:07:21,982 --> 00:07:24,981
I hate it, I absolutely
detest the word fart.
129
00:07:24,982 --> 00:07:26,701
It's on there. No, it isn't.
130
00:07:26,702 --> 00:07:28,341
It's under snot, look.
131
00:07:28,342 --> 00:07:32,421
Oh... "Crack, snot, fart." I'm
very sorry, so it is. Sorry, sorry.
132
00:07:32,422 --> 00:07:35,581
What'll I say instead of fart?
There's only one word for fart.
133
00:07:35,582 --> 00:07:38,741
How about, don't talk about farts?
That's hardly realistic, Ciara.
134
00:07:38,742 --> 00:07:41,101
Yeah, what if
they come up in conversation?
135
00:07:41,102 --> 00:07:42,501
What if someone does one?!
136
00:07:42,502 --> 00:07:44,741
Maybe for tonight,
could we try to hold them in?
137
00:07:44,742 --> 00:07:47,821
Depends what's for dinner, Carmel.
Come on, put in a bit of effort.
138
00:07:47,822 --> 00:07:50,501
I don't know, this is just
a violation of my human rights.
139
00:07:50,502 --> 00:07:52,102
Rory, it's only for... God!
140
00:07:56,822 --> 00:07:58,782
That was our fault, now.
141
00:08:04,342 --> 00:08:06,661
Right, well,
that should work out fine.
142
00:08:06,662 --> 00:08:08,301
Thanks, Martin.
143
00:08:08,302 --> 00:08:09,542
I'll, um...
144
00:08:11,422 --> 00:08:12,782
Right.
145
00:08:13,902 --> 00:08:16,941
"Heh-heh, good one, Mr Walsh. Ha-ha!"
146
00:08:16,942 --> 00:08:20,822
"Oh, Mrs Walsh, how are you?
Oh, you look beautiful...
147
00:08:21,942 --> 00:08:25,142
"You look nice.
Very nice, Mrs Walsh."
148
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,461
Takes you back, wha?
149
00:08:34,462 --> 00:08:35,621
Huh?
150
00:08:35,622 --> 00:08:39,501
I was a wreck meeting Brendan and
Teresa for the first time. Remember?
151
00:08:39,502 --> 00:08:42,981
Yeah, well, that was
a bit different, Tony. How?
152
00:08:42,982 --> 00:08:46,342
Because we had to tell them
I was pregnant. Oh, yeah.
153
00:08:47,462 --> 00:08:49,502
Oh, Tony... She's not pregnant.
154
00:08:50,662 --> 00:08:52,982
Yeah. OK, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
155
00:08:55,582 --> 00:08:56,941
Tony...
156
00:08:56,942 --> 00:08:59,661
Is that why we didn't spend
more time at my parents house?
157
00:08:59,662 --> 00:09:02,421
Because of Da chasing you
down the road like that?
158
00:09:02,422 --> 00:09:04,941
Nah. It's just the way it goes.
159
00:09:04,942 --> 00:09:08,741
Couples end up spending all their
time with one side of the family.
160
00:09:08,742 --> 00:09:10,541
The best family wins.
161
00:09:10,542 --> 00:09:13,302
Oh, Rory told me
your man's a doctor.
162
00:09:14,742 --> 00:09:16,342
Where's that pen?
163
00:09:17,582 --> 00:09:19,901
Has that pen gone for
a walk again, Carmel?
164
00:09:19,902 --> 00:09:21,462
It's in the living room.
165
00:09:22,542 --> 00:09:23,982
Ah, there it is.
166
00:09:33,022 --> 00:09:36,261
You watching this thing
tonight, Martin?
167
00:09:36,262 --> 00:09:38,141
What, your man coming over?
168
00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:39,381
What?
169
00:09:39,382 --> 00:09:42,061
Oh, Carmel says Ciara has
someone coming over.
170
00:09:42,062 --> 00:09:45,341
No. How would you watch that?
171
00:09:45,342 --> 00:09:47,021
No, the thing about The Goose.
172
00:09:47,022 --> 00:09:49,221
Oh, David Attenborough thing?
173
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,461
No, the crime boss fella.
174
00:09:51,462 --> 00:09:52,701
And he's coming over?
175
00:09:52,702 --> 00:09:54,461
God, no, Martin, it's on television.
176
00:09:54,462 --> 00:09:57,221
Are they upstairs? Who?
177
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,301
What is it, a hidden camera thing?
178
00:09:59,302 --> 00:10:01,741
No, Martin, we've gotten
our wires crossed here.
179
00:10:01,742 --> 00:10:04,981
It's a television programme
on television about The Goose.
180
00:10:04,982 --> 00:10:08,781
He's not a bird, he's a man.
A crime man, a criminal.
181
00:10:08,782 --> 00:10:11,101
He's got an eye
made of Waterford Crystal.
182
00:10:11,102 --> 00:10:14,661
That sounds worth watching
all right, Tony.
183
00:10:14,662 --> 00:10:16,742
And how long has he
been seeing Ciara?
184
00:10:17,862 --> 00:10:19,941
The door, the door!
Everybody stay calm.
185
00:10:19,942 --> 00:10:22,221
Let's have a bit of craic
with this fella, Martin.
186
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,942
I wouldn't mess with
people like that, Tony.
187
00:10:26,422 --> 00:10:27,702
No, ssh!
188
00:10:32,942 --> 00:10:34,542
Ssh! Ssh!
189
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,622
Ssh! Ssh!
190
00:10:40,262 --> 00:10:41,861
Hello, Mr Walsh.
191
00:10:41,862 --> 00:10:44,941
I'm Graham. I'm Ciara's... friend.
192
00:10:44,942 --> 00:10:46,861
Ah, Graham, come on in. Thank you.
193
00:10:46,862 --> 00:10:50,021
Come on in there, you're very
welcome. Thank you. Hello.
194
00:10:50,022 --> 00:10:52,021
I'm Tony, Ciara's da.
195
00:10:52,022 --> 00:10:55,421
And this is my life partner Martin,
Ciara's other da.
196
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:58,261
Oh. Hello.
197
00:10:58,262 --> 00:11:01,661
Ciara told you we were
a pair of those, didn't she?
198
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:04,341
She didn't mention that, no.
199
00:11:04,342 --> 00:11:07,301
Yes, I love Martin
with all my heart.
200
00:11:07,302 --> 00:11:09,141
Thanks very much, Tony.
201
00:11:09,142 --> 00:11:12,381
You don't have a problem
with gay stuff, do you, Graham?
202
00:11:12,382 --> 00:11:14,381
No. Good.
203
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:17,221
Martin, why don't you tell Graham
how we first met?
204
00:11:17,222 --> 00:11:20,422
I live down the road,
and I came round to borrow...
205
00:11:22,262 --> 00:11:23,902
I can't remember what it was.
206
00:11:24,942 --> 00:11:29,581
We got talking, and then Tony found
out I was very good with my hands.
207
00:11:29,582 --> 00:11:31,102
And it just took off from there.
208
00:11:33,062 --> 00:11:34,621
Oh, it was a whisk.
209
00:11:34,622 --> 00:11:37,061
That's right.
And he whisked me off my feet.
210
00:11:37,062 --> 00:11:38,941
Come here, gorgeous!
211
00:11:38,942 --> 00:11:40,942
Tony, will you stop that!
212
00:11:42,422 --> 00:11:45,181
I'm only messing! Stop!
213
00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:48,141
Well, now, you must be Graham.
214
00:11:48,142 --> 00:11:49,581
Oh, hello, Mrs Walsh.
215
00:11:49,582 --> 00:11:51,621
You look... ravishing.
216
00:11:51,622 --> 00:11:53,301
One tries her best.
217
00:11:53,302 --> 00:11:54,701
These are for you.
218
00:11:54,702 --> 00:11:58,101
Well, now, aren't you the gentleman?
219
00:11:58,102 --> 00:12:01,461
Tony. God, and you're
good looking, aren't you?
220
00:12:01,462 --> 00:12:04,261
Do you know who you remind me of?
A young Liam Neeson.
221
00:12:04,262 --> 00:12:06,261
But with a much, much
higher hairline.
222
00:12:06,262 --> 00:12:10,621
God, look, what's left of the hair,
it's just so fine.
223
00:12:10,622 --> 00:12:13,141
God, you can barely feel that,
it's so fine.
224
00:12:13,142 --> 00:12:16,021
Tony, that is softer than it looks.
Feel that.
225
00:12:16,022 --> 00:12:18,022
I won't. Martin?
226
00:12:22,702 --> 00:12:25,582
It is very soft, actually.
Gorgeous. It really is.
227
00:12:26,862 --> 00:12:28,302
Thanks for that.
228
00:12:29,662 --> 00:12:32,302
Well, better be hitting the road.
229
00:12:35,902 --> 00:12:38,021
Tony, she's not responding
to me at all.
230
00:12:38,022 --> 00:12:41,302
You wouldn't go up and give it a go?
I'll give it a go, but no promises.
231
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:45,581
Ciara is just a little bit
under the weather. Oh.
232
00:12:45,582 --> 00:12:48,101
She's fine,
she'll be down in a second. OK.
233
00:12:48,102 --> 00:12:49,581
Just a word of warning, though.
234
00:12:49,582 --> 00:12:54,021
Ciara can be a little tricky when
it comes to her monthly visitor.
235
00:12:54,022 --> 00:12:55,661
She's fine during, it's just,
236
00:12:55,662 --> 00:12:59,461
the three-week lead-up
can be a bit tense. Oh.
237
00:12:59,462 --> 00:13:02,502
Dunno, I think I might have made
her worse. For God's sake!
238
00:13:08,942 --> 00:13:10,422
Yep.
239
00:13:12,982 --> 00:13:15,501
Suppose you'll want a tour
of the house, then.
240
00:13:15,502 --> 00:13:17,621
Oh, um...
241
00:13:17,622 --> 00:13:19,901
Yeah? Yeah... Yeah.
242
00:13:19,902 --> 00:13:22,501
Eh... radiator there. Right.
243
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,382
Phone.
244
00:13:32,302 --> 00:13:33,662
Yeah. Ah...
245
00:13:34,942 --> 00:13:39,581
Hey. There's a picture of my old
ancestors back in the Wild West.
246
00:13:39,582 --> 00:13:40,741
Oh...
247
00:13:40,742 --> 00:13:44,781
Only messing! It's us!
In a shopping centre! Years ago! Oh.
248
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,381
Look at Rory! He loved it.
249
00:13:47,382 --> 00:13:49,701
Kept begging us to bring him back.
250
00:13:49,702 --> 00:13:50,942
Gave in eventually.
251
00:14:02,382 --> 00:14:04,462
Is that what you're wearing? Jesus!
252
00:14:07,902 --> 00:14:11,182
Jacks there. In case
you need the "Oh, Jesus!"
253
00:14:12,782 --> 00:14:15,342
Hey. Master bedroom! Hup!
254
00:14:20,182 --> 00:14:21,422
Try that.
255
00:14:24,582 --> 00:14:26,101
No, get on.
256
00:14:26,102 --> 00:14:28,301
Oh, no, I'm OK, Mr Walsh.
257
00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:32,421
Go on. No, I'd better not.
My jacket's probably a bit grubby.
258
00:14:32,422 --> 00:14:34,142
Then take it off.
259
00:14:36,182 --> 00:14:37,502
OK.
260
00:14:50,302 --> 00:14:51,582
Go on.
261
00:14:54,902 --> 00:14:56,302
Lie down.
262
00:15:01,102 --> 00:15:03,981
It's very nice. Soft, isn't it?
263
00:15:03,982 --> 00:15:06,141
Oh, yeah, it's very soft.
264
00:15:06,142 --> 00:15:09,981
You see, Carmel likes her side
of the bed to be soft,
265
00:15:09,982 --> 00:15:12,381
but I like my side of the bed
to be hard,
266
00:15:12,382 --> 00:15:14,341
so we bought two mattresses,
267
00:15:14,342 --> 00:15:17,141
chopped them in half
and stuck them together.
268
00:15:17,142 --> 00:15:19,341
Soft, hard.
269
00:15:19,342 --> 00:15:23,261
Soft, hard. Soft, hard.
270
00:15:23,262 --> 00:15:24,942
Soft, hard.
271
00:15:27,022 --> 00:15:28,501
You don't believe me, do you?
272
00:15:28,502 --> 00:15:30,701
Oh, no, I do. I do believe you.
Try my side.
273
00:15:30,702 --> 00:15:32,421
No, I'm OK. Go on, switch. Go on.
274
00:15:32,422 --> 00:15:34,101
Come on, then. Roly-poly now.
275
00:15:34,102 --> 00:15:36,021
Whoops-a-daisy. There we are.
276
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,421
Now...
277
00:15:37,422 --> 00:15:40,541
Heh. Yeah.
278
00:15:40,542 --> 00:15:43,742
See? This is actually a bit harder,
isn't it? Yeah.
279
00:15:45,662 --> 00:15:49,061
Ciara's room. She likes to pretend
she doesn't live with us,
280
00:15:49,062 --> 00:15:52,141
so just stuck a flat number on
her door, leave the post outside.
281
00:15:52,142 --> 00:15:54,261
Seems to do the job. Yeah.
282
00:15:54,262 --> 00:15:57,021
Oh, did you bring your gas mask
with you?
283
00:15:57,022 --> 00:16:00,822
Because it's time to put them on.
We're going in!
284
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:12,661
I didn't know Ciara had
a younger brother. She doesn't.
285
00:16:12,662 --> 00:16:14,261
I'm 25.
286
00:16:14,262 --> 00:16:16,262
Oh. Hello.
287
00:16:18,182 --> 00:16:21,222
Is this him? Yeah.
I'll see what's keeping the girls.
288
00:16:22,702 --> 00:16:24,421
What do you think of me space?
289
00:16:24,422 --> 00:16:25,941
Oh, yeah, it's very nice.
290
00:16:25,942 --> 00:16:27,781
Are you going out with Ciara?
291
00:16:27,782 --> 00:16:29,741
Um, I suppose so.
292
00:16:29,742 --> 00:16:31,261
Well, don't mess her about.
293
00:16:31,262 --> 00:16:34,582
Cos the last fella that messed
her about, let's just say...
294
00:16:35,702 --> 00:16:37,541
..he's not around any more.
295
00:16:37,542 --> 00:16:39,581
What happened to him?
296
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:42,901
His dad got a job in Cork
and the whole family moved.
297
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:46,181
It's a pity cos he was actually
pretty sound.
298
00:16:46,182 --> 00:16:47,261
Da, get out!
299
00:16:47,262 --> 00:16:48,941
OK.
300
00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:52,061
Ma, I can't wear mustard.
It makes me look like Big Bird.
301
00:16:52,062 --> 00:16:55,021
But the Big Bird problem is what
we're trying to address here, Ciara.
302
00:16:55,022 --> 00:16:57,021
I'm telling you
if you wear my mustard blouse
303
00:16:57,022 --> 00:16:58,501
it'll make you look less chunky.
304
00:16:58,502 --> 00:16:59,981
They'll be ages.
305
00:16:59,982 --> 00:17:04,782
Which is good news for us,
because I saved the best till last.
306
00:17:06,742 --> 00:17:10,701
Now, Graham, you're about to enter
the inner sanctum.
307
00:17:10,702 --> 00:17:13,101
Will Ciara be coming down soon?
308
00:17:13,102 --> 00:17:16,421
Ah-bu-bu-buh. No girls allowed.
309
00:17:16,422 --> 00:17:19,462
We are entering boy zone. Yeah!
310
00:17:21,622 --> 00:17:26,181
"From Xanadu did Peter Pan
a pleasure dome erect."
311
00:17:26,182 --> 00:17:27,821
Oscar Wilde.
312
00:17:27,822 --> 00:17:29,741
Pow! Cheeky beer? Yeah?
313
00:17:29,742 --> 00:17:31,501
Yeah. Give us an energy drink, Da.
314
00:17:31,502 --> 00:17:34,741
Energy drink for Rory! There we go!
315
00:17:34,742 --> 00:17:36,221
Beer! Hey!
316
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,942
Beer! All right!
317
00:17:44,582 --> 00:17:48,621
Ha-ha, yeah!
That's what I'm talking about!
318
00:17:48,622 --> 00:17:49,941
Yeah!
319
00:17:49,942 --> 00:17:51,901
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
320
00:17:51,902 --> 00:17:55,622
Here, see that unit, Graham?
Guess how much I paid for that.
321
00:17:56,822 --> 00:17:59,262
Oh, I don't know.
322
00:18:00,462 --> 00:18:01,981
Fif...
323
00:18:01,982 --> 00:18:03,621
For...
324
00:18:03,622 --> 00:18:06,941
Try zero. Oh.
Try zero, Graham. Oh, wow.
325
00:18:06,942 --> 00:18:10,301
Cobbled together from some shite
I found in a skip, literally.
326
00:18:10,302 --> 00:18:12,861
Da is amazing at DIY.
327
00:18:12,862 --> 00:18:15,141
He built me a chill-out zone
in the back garden.
328
00:18:15,142 --> 00:18:19,181
It's up a tree, right, so I can read
magazines and watch the sunset.
329
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:20,861
Like a treehouse?
330
00:18:20,862 --> 00:18:22,102
No!
331
00:18:25,142 --> 00:18:28,781
Oh... Are those lungs, Mr Walsh?
332
00:18:28,782 --> 00:18:31,941
Lungs? They're my old boxing gloves.
333
00:18:31,942 --> 00:18:35,622
Did you use to box? Yeah.
So you'd better watch yourself.
334
00:18:37,262 --> 00:18:39,861
Ow! Jesus, sorry, Graham.
335
00:18:39,862 --> 00:18:42,181
Da, you're after
punching him in the face!
336
00:18:42,182 --> 00:18:46,021
He moved into the impact zone.
That's what happened. Sorry.
337
00:18:46,022 --> 00:18:47,741
But you're all right.
338
00:18:47,742 --> 00:18:51,461
Yeah, yeah, I'm all right. OK.
339
00:18:51,462 --> 00:18:54,221
Rory, I was hoping to have
a quiet word with Graham.
340
00:18:54,222 --> 00:18:55,901
You wouldn't mind just...
341
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:59,381
Can I listen? No. Oh, please, Da.
342
00:18:59,382 --> 00:19:01,221
Tell you what,
will you do us a favour?
343
00:19:01,222 --> 00:19:03,621
Will you run in to your mother
and ask for the long stand?
344
00:19:03,622 --> 00:19:07,381
Oh, no, Da, she never knows where
that is. She does, just ask her.
345
00:19:07,382 --> 00:19:10,421
She's always ages looking for it
and then she can never find it.
346
00:19:10,422 --> 00:19:12,981
I'm starting to think
we don't even have one.
347
00:19:12,982 --> 00:19:14,342
Good lad.
348
00:19:18,702 --> 00:19:21,341
Well, here we are.
349
00:19:21,342 --> 00:19:22,742
Yes...
350
00:19:23,822 --> 00:19:27,861
Graham, this is a bit embarrassing.
351
00:19:27,862 --> 00:19:29,701
Yes?
352
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:31,142
I have a small...
353
00:19:32,222 --> 00:19:34,421
I don't know what you'd call it.
354
00:19:34,422 --> 00:19:35,862
An anal event?
355
00:19:38,582 --> 00:19:43,262
Uh... Sorry, sorry... A what?
356
00:19:44,622 --> 00:19:47,742
It's like a rubbery M&M
directly behind me scrotum.
357
00:19:49,782 --> 00:19:52,461
Yeah... Uh...
358
00:19:52,462 --> 00:19:55,021
Now, I'm a bit strapped
for cash at the moment,
359
00:19:55,022 --> 00:19:56,821
so I can't afford to pay you.
360
00:19:56,822 --> 00:20:00,501
For... for-for-for what?
361
00:20:00,502 --> 00:20:02,221
Well, you know.
362
00:20:02,222 --> 00:20:04,581
I really... really don't.
363
00:20:04,582 --> 00:20:06,701
I just want you
to take a look at it.
364
00:20:06,702 --> 00:20:10,261
Light isn't that ideal,
so let's just make the best of it.
365
00:20:10,262 --> 00:20:11,781
Here we go! Yeah!
366
00:20:11,782 --> 00:20:12,862
Ciara!
367
00:20:13,862 --> 00:20:15,462
Ciara!
368
00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:22,181
Will you slow down, lads? The food's
not running away anywhere.
369
00:20:22,182 --> 00:20:24,141
You had to spring this
roast on us, Carmel.
370
00:20:24,142 --> 00:20:26,102
You know there's a thing on
I want to watch.
371
00:20:27,862 --> 00:20:31,222
I thought we were going
for dinner? We are.
372
00:20:32,302 --> 00:20:38,421
What are you eating for?
I don't... know.
373
00:20:38,422 --> 00:20:41,101
Graham, what happened
to your face?
374
00:20:41,102 --> 00:20:44,181
Oh! Oh, nothing. I, er...
375
00:20:44,182 --> 00:20:45,942
walked into a door.
376
00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:50,861
Are you enjoying that, now, Graham?
377
00:20:50,862 --> 00:20:54,061
Is that up your street?
Is that ticking your box?
378
00:20:54,062 --> 00:20:56,261
Erm... yes.
379
00:20:56,262 --> 00:20:57,781
Because this is just the start.
380
00:20:57,782 --> 00:21:00,261
I mean, I can make roasts,
I can make cakes,
381
00:21:00,262 --> 00:21:01,861
I can make a savage fruit salad.
382
00:21:01,862 --> 00:21:04,621
I can do things for you, Graham.
I can blow your mind.
383
00:21:04,622 --> 00:21:07,341
It's very mild recently,
hasn't it, Mam? Are you mad?
384
00:21:07,342 --> 00:21:09,821
It's been awful close. I know
I can make you happy, Graham.
385
00:21:09,822 --> 00:21:10,901
Just give me a chance.
386
00:21:10,902 --> 00:21:14,301
Just stop talking, Ma,
stop talking the whole time.
387
00:21:14,302 --> 00:21:16,341
Get down, you.
388
00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:18,742
Why do you always come up
when we have guests over?
389
00:21:20,462 --> 00:21:23,101
He wants me to stroke him -
that's hardly appropriate.
390
00:21:23,102 --> 00:21:26,181
I'm not touching your head,
not at the dinner table.
391
00:21:26,182 --> 00:21:29,141
Any gravy there, Carmel?
Chicken's a bit dry, Ma.
392
00:21:29,142 --> 00:21:31,542
Yeah, there's some
there beside Graham.
393
00:21:33,982 --> 00:21:35,461
Oh...
394
00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:38,621
You... You mean this?
395
00:21:38,622 --> 00:21:40,102
Did you use it all?
396
00:21:41,582 --> 00:21:44,741
I-I thought it was a... drink.
397
00:21:44,742 --> 00:21:49,301
A drink? Thought it was
a beef... drink.
398
00:21:49,302 --> 00:21:52,102
A beef drink. Is there even such
a thing as a beef drink?
399
00:21:53,662 --> 00:21:55,662
Never seen gravy in a mug before.
400
00:21:58,142 --> 00:22:00,861
But did you like it? Right.
401
00:22:00,862 --> 00:22:02,621
Well, I'm going to my room,
402
00:22:02,622 --> 00:22:06,261
so when you're finished dinner
maybe we can go for dinner.
403
00:22:06,262 --> 00:22:09,821
So, Graham, how's work going?
404
00:22:09,822 --> 00:22:14,101
Oh, erm, yeah, OK. Bit stressful
at the moment, though.
405
00:22:14,102 --> 00:22:17,741
Long hours. Aw, you poor thing.
It's not all glamour, is it?
406
00:22:17,742 --> 00:22:19,781
Do you have to work late often?
407
00:22:19,782 --> 00:22:25,101
Mostly, yeah, and night shifts are
the worst. Get a lot of drunks in.
408
00:22:25,102 --> 00:22:27,341
Gotcha. I know how
that one goes, yeah.
409
00:22:27,342 --> 00:22:30,501
They go out, get boozed off
their boxes, start a rumpus,
410
00:22:30,502 --> 00:22:34,581
then it's over to you lot to get
fixed up, isn't that it? Yeah.
411
00:22:34,582 --> 00:22:38,501
Oh, God, I just think you do
such important work. Yeah.
412
00:22:38,502 --> 00:22:42,261
I just want to take this
opportunity to say thank you.
413
00:22:42,262 --> 00:22:44,941
People don't say it often
enough to you guys.
414
00:22:44,942 --> 00:22:47,141
Oh, er, no.
415
00:22:47,142 --> 00:22:51,021
Well, I suppose it is sort
of important work, yeah.
416
00:22:51,022 --> 00:22:53,661
Thank you, Mrs Walsh.
Really appreciate that.
417
00:22:53,662 --> 00:22:55,941
Yeah, taxi game's the exact same.
418
00:22:55,942 --> 00:22:58,901
Nothing but boozed up eejits
wandering out onto the roads
419
00:22:58,902 --> 00:23:00,981
at the weekend. To be honest
with you, Graham,
420
00:23:00,982 --> 00:23:03,941
getting a little bit tired of
hitting the brakes. Tony!
421
00:23:03,942 --> 00:23:05,421
Ah, don't worry, Carmel,
422
00:23:05,422 --> 00:23:07,862
if I clip anyone Graham
here can patch them up.
423
00:23:17,942 --> 00:23:21,581
Do you think I'm a... doctor?
424
00:23:21,582 --> 00:23:22,862
What?
425
00:23:24,702 --> 00:23:26,302
Do you think I'm a doctor?
426
00:23:28,502 --> 00:23:31,181
Yeah. Aren't you?
427
00:23:31,182 --> 00:23:33,342
I work in a burger restaurant.
428
00:23:35,382 --> 00:23:36,622
As a doctor?
429
00:23:38,462 --> 00:23:41,821
I better go check on Her Majesty.
I'm sorry, I'll be back.
430
00:23:41,822 --> 00:23:44,741
I never would have shown it to you
if I'd known you weren't qualified.
431
00:23:44,742 --> 00:23:47,181
Have you no qualifications at all?
432
00:23:47,182 --> 00:23:50,221
I studied English. English?
433
00:23:50,222 --> 00:23:52,061
Let's just forget about it.
434
00:23:52,062 --> 00:23:54,821
I don't want to think about it
or talk about it ever again.
435
00:23:54,822 --> 00:23:57,301
- Starting from now.
- Talk about what?
436
00:23:57,302 --> 00:23:59,501
I showed him that thing on me arse.
Why?
437
00:23:59,502 --> 00:24:02,741
Well, I thought he was... I don't
want to talk about it, Rory!
438
00:24:02,742 --> 00:24:07,421
Eh, films! You see any films at the
shop? I saw the Fast And Furious.
439
00:24:07,422 --> 00:24:09,661
It's not very fast
but it's fairly furious.
440
00:24:09,662 --> 00:24:10,981
That sounds good.
441
00:24:10,982 --> 00:24:14,421
Rory works at Future Video.
Future Video?
442
00:24:14,422 --> 00:24:17,061
Yeah, he's practically
running the place.
443
00:24:17,062 --> 00:24:20,541
Future Video... closed.
Closed months ago.
444
00:24:20,542 --> 00:24:23,781
What? Yeah, it went under. The...
Nah, nah.
445
00:24:23,782 --> 00:24:25,942
Cos I've been collecting him
from work.
446
00:24:31,782 --> 00:24:34,422
Oh, for Jesus' sake!
447
00:24:36,142 --> 00:24:37,262
Ciara?
448
00:24:39,142 --> 00:24:41,702
Ciara, you all right?
Can I come in?
449
00:24:43,662 --> 00:24:45,262
You're just going to, anyway.
450
00:24:47,462 --> 00:24:49,822
Yeah, but we'll leave
the chain on, OK?
451
00:24:55,262 --> 00:24:58,101
Mam, this isn't working.
452
00:24:58,102 --> 00:25:01,781
None of this is working.
I need my own home, I...
453
00:25:01,782 --> 00:25:03,981
I need my own flat, my own space.
454
00:25:03,982 --> 00:25:06,022
I just... I can't breathe here.
455
00:25:07,702 --> 00:25:11,981
But you haven't got a job, love.
You need a job.
456
00:25:11,982 --> 00:25:14,742
I just wanted everything
to be perfect.
457
00:25:16,182 --> 00:25:19,821
Ah, Ciara, nothing's ever perfect.
458
00:25:19,822 --> 00:25:22,701
I think Da punched
Graham in the face.
459
00:25:22,702 --> 00:25:25,661
Yeah, and I think he also showed him
the anal event but, look,
460
00:25:25,662 --> 00:25:31,301
that's not the point. OK, the point
is, that lad is still downstairs.
461
00:25:31,302 --> 00:25:34,101
It does not surprise me one bit.
462
00:25:34,102 --> 00:25:37,461
Because I've been lucky enough
now to know you for 23 years, so...
463
00:25:37,462 --> 00:25:38,982
I know what I say.
464
00:25:40,942 --> 00:25:44,461
You're the most wonderful
girl in the world, all right?
465
00:25:44,462 --> 00:25:47,221
And any lad with half a brain...
466
00:25:47,222 --> 00:25:52,581
would happily sit through
a hundred million billion awkward,
467
00:25:52,582 --> 00:25:56,381
uncomfortable, occasionally violent,
468
00:25:56,382 --> 00:25:58,022
evenings like this evening...
469
00:26:00,462 --> 00:26:03,262
..just to get to spend
a bit of time with you, OK?
470
00:26:15,302 --> 00:26:17,061
Oh!
471
00:26:17,062 --> 00:26:18,182
Oh.
472
00:26:19,982 --> 00:26:21,582
Why didn't you just tell us, Rory?
473
00:26:23,102 --> 00:26:26,021
I don't know... I've been
collecting you for over a month.
474
00:26:26,022 --> 00:26:29,981
You know... you're always going
on about scroungers and layabouts
475
00:26:29,982 --> 00:26:31,461
and...
476
00:26:31,462 --> 00:26:34,581
Just didn't want to
let you down, you know?
477
00:26:34,582 --> 00:26:38,101
Rory, you could never let me down.
478
00:26:38,102 --> 00:26:41,901
Don't be listening to me, anyway,
I'm just an eejit. No, you're not.
479
00:26:41,902 --> 00:26:43,421
I am.
480
00:26:43,422 --> 00:26:46,781
Sure after showing Professor Burger
here the thing on me arsehole.
481
00:26:46,782 --> 00:26:48,822
I just like shouting at the radio.
482
00:26:51,062 --> 00:26:53,781
So, what have you been doing
the last few weeks, anyway?
483
00:26:53,782 --> 00:26:55,382
Practising me high kicks.
484
00:26:56,782 --> 00:26:58,862
Least you haven't been
wasting your time.
485
00:27:00,422 --> 00:27:01,821
Hey!
486
00:27:01,822 --> 00:27:04,741
What have you got?
Give me that, you.
487
00:27:04,742 --> 00:27:06,142
Give me that!
488
00:27:07,742 --> 00:27:09,182
These yours?
489
00:27:11,742 --> 00:27:14,421
Well, Graham, I'm afraid that's us.
490
00:27:14,422 --> 00:27:16,501
Warts and all. Carmel.
491
00:27:16,502 --> 00:27:18,381
Shut up about warts. OK, sorry.
492
00:27:18,382 --> 00:27:22,861
One minute, the Goose is on in one
minute! Come on, come on, leave!
493
00:27:22,862 --> 00:27:24,341
Look, I hope you come back.
494
00:27:24,342 --> 00:27:27,861
But, you know, if you prefer
to spend most of your time
495
00:27:27,862 --> 00:27:31,821
with Graham's mam and dad, well, you
know I'd understand. 30 seconds!
496
00:27:31,822 --> 00:27:36,661
Well, actually, Mrs Walsh,
my mam passed away and...
497
00:27:36,662 --> 00:27:38,301
Yeah, terrible, sad.
498
00:27:38,302 --> 00:27:42,181
.. Dad now lives in France...
That's awful. ..with his new wife.
499
00:27:42,182 --> 00:27:44,381
Anyway, anyway.
500
00:27:44,382 --> 00:27:47,301
We... don't really get on.
501
00:27:47,302 --> 00:27:50,661
That is absolutely fantastic!
502
00:27:50,662 --> 00:27:53,141
Oh! OK, OK, Mam!
503
00:27:53,142 --> 00:27:56,141
OK, Mam, don't make me
get the hose now.
504
00:27:56,142 --> 00:27:58,582
Sorry. Look, go on,
have your dinner.
505
00:28:00,062 --> 00:28:02,021
And we'll see you later, OK?
506
00:28:02,022 --> 00:28:04,102
Have a good time, guys. Enjoy.
507
00:28:06,902 --> 00:28:08,381
It's time for the Goose!
508
00:28:08,382 --> 00:28:10,542
The most dangerous
man in Dublin!
509
00:28:12,102 --> 00:28:16,341
What's wrong with it? It's not
working! Why? I don't know!
510
00:28:16,342 --> 00:28:20,541
Press "Source" and it'll
cycle on to the channels.
511
00:28:20,542 --> 00:28:23,221
Ah, thanks, Martin. Cheers, Martin.
512
00:28:23,222 --> 00:28:24,702
Well, I better be off.
513
00:28:26,862 --> 00:28:29,461
'The term "goose" applies
to the female in particular.
514
00:28:29,462 --> 00:28:31,261
'while the "gander"
applies to the male.'
515
00:28:31,262 --> 00:28:32,902
Dad, this is about gooses.
516
00:28:38,342 --> 00:28:40,421
Are they for me?
517
00:28:40,422 --> 00:28:42,781
Oh.
518
00:28:42,782 --> 00:28:44,341
They were.
519
00:28:44,342 --> 00:28:46,182
Sorry.
520
00:28:48,222 --> 00:28:50,142
What are you sorry for?
They're perfect.
521
00:28:56,542 --> 00:29:00,301
Could've went an awful lot worse.
Yeah.
522
00:29:00,302 --> 00:29:02,861
Yeah, I kinda feel like
I've got a rapport
523
00:29:02,862 --> 00:29:05,021
with your dad now, maybe, hopefully.
524
00:29:05,022 --> 00:29:07,862
I think it's good to get that sort
of stuff out of the way early on...
525
00:29:07,887 --> 00:29:12,887
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00:29:15,887 --> 00:29:19,887
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