Previously on Weeds
Give me that fucking thing!
There aren't any bullet in it!
Don't come out of here, no matter what, don't come out.
If she doesn't find the pot, ain't nobody gettin' shit!
Guns on me. I stay.
This is a fucking police station!
- Where is it? - It's all in the trunk of my car.
- The car that Celia's driving? - That would be it.
He's my nephew, I called in an AMBER alert.
She left with Bear, and then the kid drove a blue van
around the parking lot for an hour before taking off.
Come on, we gotta jam !
We're having a great time,
we gonna grab some dinner, then we'll be home.
- 50 percents on the dole, final offer. - Fine.
Your ass and your grass is all his now.
Silas' phone.
I borrowed some garden shears,
- you know, they were really helpful. - He gonna be mad!
Sous-Titres VO : San-A / Loky
Season 3 Episode 2 - A Pool and His Money -
[ www.seriessub.com ]
I did this for you, Nancy.
You should be thanking me for not having you arrested.
Hi, I'm Celia.
- And you are... - Marvin.
Are you one of Nancy's drug dealer friends?
No.
No, he's not my friend.
He's gonna kill me.
Isn't that right, Marvin?
But please, do me this one last favor.
Kill her too,
first, in front of me, please.
No one will know it's you. Just blow her fucking brains out.
And let me watch, and then, you can do whatever you want to me.
- She's just kidding. - No, not kidding, here.
If you throw that fucking rock at me, I'm going straight to the police,
and you can rot in jail, with Silas.
I'm trying to help you.
We just know each other from the grocery store.
- I'm a bagger, and... - Bullshit.
Like if there is an obese black bag boy
in any market in a 30 mile-range of here.
In Agrestic, the people are white,
and the helpers, brown, not black.
You know, you nasty.
Get the fuck out of my yard!
Okay, I can see that you're upset.
Being a drug dealer and just being caught and all...
Well, this must be very embarassing for you.
I'll come back,
when you'll have a chance to think,
and we'll talk.
And if you need a pool man,
I have a really great guy.
Holy shit!
That's one crazy bitch!
You think she's gonna tell?
No way.
She'd never wanna give up having this over me.
Grab the other skimmer and help me.
I don't think this is gonna work.
Marvin, I don't need your...
fucking negativity right now, just grab the fucking pool and skim!
I will kill your boy with pain.
As it is, I just might have to kick him,
in his kidney because you ain't here yet.
Next one goes in his fucking head.
I don't appreciate being inconvenienced like that.
Now, put Marvin back on the goddamn phone.
With or without the jewbie,
you and her get back here by nine o'clock, you understand me?
Light a fire into that bitch's ass, I'm getting crunky.
- Why are you so quiet? - Why are you pointing a gun in my head?
I'm sorry,
friend.
Is that better?
No?
How about now?
I ain't playing, Lewis.
All you gotta do is snatch it.
You might be quicker than I think.
What happens when you got the gun, farmer?
You think you can aim at me?
You think you got any dog in you?
C'mon, farmer bro'.
End this shit now!
See!
That's the shit right there that makes me owe Marvin a fucking flat screen.
Can't pick up the gun!
When it counts!
Can't fuck the white bitch when she's right in front of you!
We're just friends.
- Marvin said you kissed. - What you want me to say, Lewis?
You boss in here,
trying to rip me off,
holding me hostage, trying to kill me...
Bitch, bitch, bitch.
You should be kissing my ass in space.
Cuz' instead of owing'em hummus-eating motherfuckers, you only owe me.
Now see, Nancy's gonna bring the weed back in,
then, we don't owe you nothing.
And I don't want nothing to do with you after.
Now, see, now you just hurt my feelings.
I just wanted to know how she kisses.
She look like she kisses real sweet.
Cut the shit,
coz it's getting old real fast.
I tell you what.
I let you keep a couple bricks of that pot,
if you let me fuck her...
on this corner...
right here.
I mean, seing that the two of you just kissed.
I don't see you having a problem with that.
- Shit. - What the fuck was that?
What the fuck?!
Yo bitch, in the closet!
Open it.
Open real wide.
I'm gay.
Well?
Micro-wave wrecked everything.
And the stuff in the oven just gonna stuck together in a clump.
Would you get in here and try this?
- What you got to smoke your weed? - I don't know, I don't have a bowl.
- I'm not really a smoker. - Seriously?
- Control issues. - You got something like a can?
There's diet coke in the fridge, dump it in the sink.
- You got root beer? - Does it matter?
I like root beer, I'm thirsty.
Try the pot first, then you can raid the fridge for whatever ou want.
- Hello. - You want a plate for that?
Thank God, I thought you were Shane and Andy.
Listen, what setting do you think is best
for drying pot that's been in a swimming-pool?
Are you trying to make some cash, or something?
Because I don't think this is how you do it.
Oh yeah, you and me,
we're doing our jobs.
Right.
Hey, it's the "Drugs Are Wrong" lady!
Hey, kids.
That's right,
that's me.
Getting recognized.
Drugs are wrong.
And you feel so right...
to not do them.
Just throw them away.
I'm a crusader, you know?
Ma'am, could you move? You're blocking the goal.
Crusader.
Celia Hodes!
Doing it pro bono.
I'm not asking for a... accolades.
Bend my ankle.
Oh man, that's fucking awful!
It's like all harsh and no high!
It's wet, we fucked!
Common', let's go see U-Turn.
You said we had until 9 o'clock.
You will grow a new crop between now and 9?
- Uh, uh, let's go! - No!
Saying "no" to me is not a good idea.
Look, I think you're cool enough, but I will hurt you!
I'm a thug, that's what I do!
- I think you need to go with him. - No, wait!
I have one more idea.
No, listen!
Best case, we actually show up with something,
worse case, you deliver me on time.
What do you got to lose?
I didn't bring back the right thing from 7-Eleven once.
Now, I got an artificial patella.
- Man, I'm outta here! - Marvin, please.
Give me one more chance to make this right.
Please.
Shit!
Hello?
What? He's where?
Thank God, the... Great!
I'll come get him.
Tell him uncle Andy is coming to get him.
Great, thank you so much, thank you officer.
Was that a great party, or what?
How would you know? You spent the whole time in the bathroom.
I'm sorry, honey. I was just working some stuff out with your uncle Doug.
That's alright. You weren't even the most embarrassing parent there.
Martha Strangley's mom wasn't wearing any underwear,
and fell over the ottoman while doing the cha-cha slide
- and everyone saw her. - I'm sorry, I missed that.
- Could we make hot fudge on sundaes? - Oh my God,
that's the best idea ever.
- Dad... - Yeah, hon'?
Mom's passed out in the atrium.
Mom? Mom!
I'm a winner.
Hi, sweetie.
How was the rest of your party?
What the hell are you doing here, Celia?
I was...
I was wanting to pick up a few things, but...
I couldn't get in,
alla the doors were locked.
That has been a real wrong day.
- I bet. - Can I just...
Do you think...
I could take a bath?
My motel just has a shower, and I really could use a bath.
Fine.
Take a bath,
then please, go.
Could you unlock the door to the bedroom?
Son of a bitch.
You wanna another man's dick up your ass, that's what you' telling me?
Well, I don't know, I've never tried that, I just...
I think I've always liked... boys.
I thought you was in love with Nancy.
Now, who are we talking about, Conrad?
I think that was a...
Judy Garland, Joan Crawford,
- Sarah Jessica Parker kinda love. - So, you're a sucker dick?
Yes, I think I would, if there was a right dick.
Ain't no right dick!
All dick sized on is wrong, boy!
You know, you need Jesus!
No, I think I just need to admit to myself what I am,
what I've always been, no matter you, or my family, or anyone thinks.
So let me ask you this
- you ever fuck a girl? - Excellent question.
Any pussy in your past?
My cousin Rishma had this friend Mita who let me play with her nipples.
I found it kinda gross.
Yeah, some women got ugly titties.
Don't mean you're a cock smoker.
I got your limonade, but I ain't add Cayenne
coz I ain't know how much... I brought it, so you can eat it.
- Who's got the tuna mayo? - Tuna mayo's mine.
Well, look at you.
Do I know you?
- You work for U-Turn? - He do, now!
- Oh, I don't think so. - Oh no?
Oh shit, U-Turn, if you don't fuck him up,
leave that pretty face, would you?
- Turkey and whole wheat? - Oh yeah, that's me.
- Is there mustard? - Should be on there.
Clinic, let me all let you for a second.
What?
Get your ass over here, now !
What do you think they're talking about?
Look, I need to get the fuck out of here.
I grab U-Turn and put a gun on his head, and you need...
I think they're talking about me!
What did you say?
Just nothing, nothing...
Hurry up and finish that sandwich,
Clinic here, gonna take you to another room and fuck the gay outta you.
- Excuse me? - You heard me?
Man, hmm...
- I don't think it works that way. - Clinic will make it work!
You sure you don't think you're a faggot?
Positive. Thank you, though.
Ok, game is over.
The two of you,
get in that room and get busy.
Ok baby, put your pants off, let's see what you got!
Oh God, help me!
And where is Conrad?
He's at the grow house.
- Damn, this is some good pie! - You enjoy now,
cause if anything happens to my nephew,
you gonna be eaten through a tube.
I'm just an employee!
- I ain't management. - Could you people keep it down?
I just got the baby asleep.
- Marvin? - Vaneeta?
Holy shit, how are you doing?
I should have killed you when I had a chance!
Really?
Would you have done it yourself or hired Armenians?
Oh, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
You fucked this up, and you know it.
I had it under control!
And then without consulting anyone,
completly outside the huddle,
you made this deal, and that was a mistake.
Your mistake, and you need to make it right!
So you need to gather up
all the weed in this house,
and we need to take it to U-Turn, that's what the fuck I'm talking about!
You go to come in my house and drop blame on me.
Me?
Oh hell no, bitch!
Get the fuck off me!
You think you can take me?
She fucking bit me!
Jesus, do something!
Bitch, have you lost your goddamn mind?
What the fuck?
Fine, you're gonna kill each other!
I'll go back to U-Turn and say the shit's gone,
and you'll keep both visit pieces of Conrad all over the town.
I'm outta here!
Marv', what are you talking about Conrad?
What the fuck is going on in here?
Oh, this is serious!
Let's go.
Let's go!
Thanks for the bath.
Sure.
I'm gonna go.
Bye.
If you are on the road tonight,
be on a look out for a 1972 Ford Supervan,
California license plate number 51SB310.
And be sure to tune in tonight at 11,
when the channel 10 news looks into the hidden poisons in your vitamins...
Hello!
So you like little boys, huh?
What?
The AMBER alert? Yeah!
- He's my nephew. - D'you hear that?
He abducted his own nephew.
No, no, I'm the one who called it in.
- What are you doing in the vehicle? - And where is the little boy?
He must be tight up in the back.
- Look, he's buying chocolate milk. - No! I like chocolate milks.
I'm rejuvenile.
Yeah, the police have him. I'm on my way to pick him up.
Bullshit!
I just saw the AMBER alert 5 minutes ago out on the highway.
If the police had him, they'd have called it off.
That's what they do.
Maybe they forgot, I don't know. Come! Ask them yourselves.
We'll do that.
Yeah, after we kicked your pervert ass we'll do that.
My who?
Jesus!
I drove a car.
Yeah?
How far did you get?
About ten blocks,
then a cop pulled me over for going too slow...
and being twelve.
Where were you trying to go?
I don't know anymore.
Do you think mum is gonna be mad at us?
I think...
we're all gonna be mad at each other for a while.
Yeah.
Damn!
You look like hell.
Where's my drugs?
There was a little problem.
Some crazy bitch drown all the shit in the swimming pool.
- Wait! Whose swimming pool? - Mine.
You got a swimming pool?
With a waterfall and a raft for her kids and everything.
- What the fuck happened? - It's... it's a long story.
So no drugs, huh? So...
So you got my money instead, that's what you say?
Here you go.
Game over!
- Son go home. - I wasn't talking to you, was I?
Was I talking to her? No!
I was talking to Janet Evans, here.
- Where is my money? - Heylia's paying you back
for the money you laid out to the Armenians so...
So, she's paying your debt?
I'm here to pay Conrad's debt.
She can go fuck herself.
See, that's not gotta work for me.
I take cash for the white lady but...
I don't want no money for Conrad.
No.
He is the goose that lays the golden MILF weed.
He's my farmer, now.
I'm gonna buy him some overalls and a straw-hat. Yee ha!
Fuck this ! You just takin money... and let's end this.
That's not a way to talk to your new boss, sharecropper.
You'd better watch your tongue !
I bought your chain,
you're about to grow me some shit.
Are we clear? Cause if we're not,
then, I can blow a nice big space out your ear to your ear,
- maybe you'll hear me better! - Come on, Conrad.
Let's go.
Looking forward to my crap.
I'll be in touch.
Where do you think you're going?
The way I see it, you still owe me a 150 G's, lady!
I don't take checks.
What?
We're altogether, we... we grow together.
Let's go, Conrad.
You gotta get some rest so you can wake up tomorrow,
plant some weed and work on your slave name.
Conrad.
Yeah, looks like you don't grow with them no more.
What the fuck?
You had that the whole time ?
It ain't got no bullets.
What am I supposed to do with a empty gun?
You okay?
Yeah.
She is fine.
Cuz' she's still breathing.
She gonna give my money too.
Otherwise, I will come there in her nice house,
with her pool... and her kids.
And I gonna float them all where my weed was drown dead.
You remember where she lives, right, Marvin?
I'm not so good with directions.
Fucking useless!
I'll deal with you later.
I'll take this off your shoulder for you.
Nice picture.
I'm gonna leave $20 in case you run in
any kind of problems on your way home or you need to...
stop and get some frozen yoghurt and shit.
There you go.
Now you just owe me...
$149 927.
Well, we did it, but... if you want my professional opinon,
that boy gayed in a handbag full of rainbows.
I see you later, U-Turn.
I got rid of Dana.
I am free, now.
Please forgive me for being so stupid. I was a fool.
A fool. I shouldn't have left you, that night.
And you were so brave.
And you're the one for me.
We can be together now.
I love you Celia, I love so much.
Please, Celia.
Can I come in?
Up here to pick up Silas Botwin.
Shane as well?
What do you mean?
Both my chlidren are in jail. Perfect!
Shane Botwin! I'm here for...
Nancy, hi. You are here.
Did... you two had a fight or something?
Yes, he hit me. Arrest him.
She's kidding. Tell him you're kidding.
I'm kidding. I walked into a door.
Really?
- And you, sir? - Oh, a door.
Same door.
What have I done?
I love my wife! I love Dana!
This is too much!
She's the most wonderful woman.
I wrecked my life!
What happened? Is everything okay?
She didn't say a thing the whole ride home.
Mum!
Say something.
OK, guys,
let's get mummy some space alright?
Special Thanks to Benj!
Special Thanks to Kasius
Special Thanks to KB
Special Thanks to niteowl
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