1
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Previously on "Weeds"...
2
00:00:06,902 --> 00:00:08,436
You know what...
just once admit
3
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that you had sex with Mr.
Schiff, your math teacher,
4
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and he threatened
to stab himself in the heart
5
00:00:13,676 --> 00:00:15,677
with a geometry compass
when she dumped him.
6
00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:18,513
He finally got fired,
divorced his wife,
7
00:00:18,547 --> 00:00:21,849
and camped out on our front lawn
until daddy had him taken away.
8
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He used to send
you notes from the looney bin.
9
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Gross!
Total bullshit.
10
00:00:25,387 --> 00:00:29,290
Andy... I've got a fucking
Amber alert out on me.
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What happened to your arm?
12
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I dropped my keys
in the porta-potty.
13
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There was a raccoon in there.
14
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I punched him out.
15
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I got everybody up my ass.
16
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We need to go...
Far, far away.
17
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Yeah.
18
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Copenhagen.
19
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We're gonna need passports.
20
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Okay.
Lots of money.
21
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Well, we'll sell lots of drugs.
22
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No.
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One big sale, then it's done.
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What's next?
25
00:00:52,881 --> 00:00:54,382
One more stop first.
26
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Oh, my sister Nancy.
27
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What a big fucking surprise.
28
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Dad worked for Ford,
29
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just like everyone else within
a 30-mile radius of Detroit.
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There was this mermaid mailbox
my dad made.
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Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Doug, hurry the fuck up.
I got to go.
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Hang on, bro.
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Got a mudslide coming.
35
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Bullshit.
You're smoking in there.
36
00:01:37,292 --> 00:01:38,726
Come on.
37
00:01:41,330 --> 00:01:42,864
Just pooping.
38
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Lit a match to mask the stench.
39
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That is not poop.
That's hash.
40
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Oh, it's not fun in here.
Not having any fun.
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00:01:53,142 --> 00:01:55,042
How smart is it
to go back to your hometown
42
00:01:55,077 --> 00:01:56,878
when everyone's
looking for you?
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We sell hash.
We go where the customers are.
44
00:01:58,781 --> 00:02:00,548
Dearborn is crawling
with arabs.
45
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Also not a bad place
to score a fake passport.
46
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Isn't it a little racist
47
00:02:04,586 --> 00:02:07,455
to assume all arabs
have access to fake passports?
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It's also racist to assume
all asians are bad drivers,
49
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but they are.
50
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Andy's gonna make some friends,
hook us up.
51
00:02:15,097 --> 00:02:16,697
How about I sell the hash
52
00:02:16,732 --> 00:02:19,734
and you get passports
from the radical muslims?
53
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I, uh...
I got a Jew face.
54
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Oh. Wait, turn here.
55
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I think... I think
it's on the next block.
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The fake passport depot?
57
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No, my friend Lainie's house.
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It's where I hid every time
I ran away from home.
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Oh, here it is! Here!
On this corner. Right here.
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We should go in
and see if Lainie's home.
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Oooh.
Strip club.
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I'll put my sweatpants on.
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00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:49,530
Why can't we just find someplace
to park and stay in the RV?
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Trolling around little Beirut
in the Jesus wagon
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might bring
some unwanted attention.
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00:02:54,436 --> 00:02:57,972
We need a nice, crappy American
car around here, so we blend.
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And sleep where?
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00:03:00,309 --> 00:03:02,076
Well,
what about Mr. Schiff?
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00:03:02,110 --> 00:03:04,479
Who? The math teacher she
boned in high school.
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00:03:04,513 --> 00:03:06,614
Bullshit.
That never happened.
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Do you remember where he lived?
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Uh, by the park on maple.
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He boned her.
It wasn't an admission.
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Who the hell knows where their
high-school math teacher lived?
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He won't even remember me.
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Nancy.
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Mr. Schiff.
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Wow!
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00:03:26,802 --> 00:03:30,771
And what's with the...
Mr. Schiff routine?
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It's me.
81
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It's Warren.
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God.
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00:03:39,181 --> 00:03:42,483
I knew you'd come back.
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00:03:42,518 --> 00:03:46,988
And...You look...
Fantastic.
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00:03:47,022 --> 00:03:49,857
Well...
It definitely happened.
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Gross.
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00:03:50,893 --> 00:03:52,493
Hey.
Never confirmed.
88
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They had sex.
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How are you doing?
It's so good to see you.
90
00:03:55,864 --> 00:03:57,365
You look well.
You're well?
91
00:03:57,399 --> 00:03:58,900
What do you mean "well"?
92
00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:01,068
I'm not crazy anymore,
if that's what you mean.
93
00:04:01,103 --> 00:04:03,838
I mean, I did go away for
a while, but I'm better now.
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00:04:03,872 --> 00:04:05,139
I'm glad to hear it.
95
00:04:05,173 --> 00:04:06,674
Except for the sciatica.
96
00:04:06,708 --> 00:04:09,443
Yeah, they say that
it's a pelvic imbalance
97
00:04:09,478 --> 00:04:12,380
from schlepping that mailbag
around on my right shoulder
98
00:04:12,414 --> 00:04:15,016
for all those years,
but I don't agree with them.
99
00:04:15,050 --> 00:04:17,652
I think it's more referred pain,
you know,
100
00:04:17,686 --> 00:04:19,954
from...
from the plantar fasciitis.
101
00:04:19,988 --> 00:04:21,188
You work for the post office?
102
00:04:21,223 --> 00:04:22,189
Yeah.
103
00:04:22,224 --> 00:04:24,292
Oh, that's...Perfect.
104
00:04:24,326 --> 00:04:28,296
Um... Um...
Want to come in?
105
00:04:28,330 --> 00:04:31,465
I'm...Not alone.
106
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:35,536
Okay, so, uh,
Aaron is your brother.
107
00:04:35,571 --> 00:04:37,638
Brother-in-law.
It's Andy.
108
00:04:37,673 --> 00:04:39,407
Andy. Andy.
Right.
109
00:04:39,441 --> 00:04:41,175
Steven is your friend.
110
00:04:41,209 --> 00:04:42,510
Doug.
Doug?
111
00:04:42,544 --> 00:04:43,711
Doug. Yes.
112
00:04:43,745 --> 00:04:47,048
And, uh...
Oh, shit!
113
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Shane.
Shane! Shane.
114
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Uh...Uh...
M-midas.
115
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Silas.
116
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Silas! Silas.
117
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Yes. And the baby is...
The baby.
118
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Baby.
119
00:04:59,528 --> 00:05:03,998
So, you sure you're okay
with everybody staying here?
120
00:05:04,032 --> 00:05:05,066
Okay?
121
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:08,135
Nothing will give me
more pleasure.
122
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What's mine is yours.
123
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Except that telescope.
124
00:05:13,976 --> 00:05:15,610
Don't touch that telescope.
125
00:05:15,644 --> 00:05:20,114
Nobody touches
the telescope, okay?
126
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Or goes into
the room over there.
127
00:05:22,951 --> 00:05:25,953
You can try, but it's...
It's locked.
128
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Hey, nice massage table.
129
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That's my bed.
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I sleep facedown
in that little hole.
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Takes pressure
off the cervical nerves.
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You have a lot
of cool stuff in here.
133
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I got it all
from Skymall.
134
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I'm hooked on that catalog.
135
00:05:38,133 --> 00:05:39,634
That stuff's bullshit.
136
00:05:39,668 --> 00:05:41,569
I once ordered
the extra tall carry-on bag,
137
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and it was too "extra tall" to
fit in the overhead compartment
138
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so they made me check it.
139
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Then the airline lost the bag.
140
00:05:46,174 --> 00:05:47,742
And when I asked for a refund,
141
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the electronic
suitcase locator.
142
00:05:50,779 --> 00:05:52,079
So I bought that,
and when it didn't work,
143
00:05:52,114 --> 00:05:53,581
they said I should have bought
144
00:05:53,615 --> 00:05:54,915
the extra-long-life
battery recharger.
145
00:05:54,950 --> 00:05:56,651
So I bought that,
and when it exploded,
146
00:05:56,685 --> 00:05:58,152
they said, "oh, you should have
got the surge protector,
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00:05:58,186 --> 00:05:59,620
because you're overloading
the socket."
148
00:05:59,655 --> 00:06:03,024
So I bought that...
can you shut the fuck up?
149
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:05,359
Um, what's with
the J.C. mobile out there?
150
00:06:05,394 --> 00:06:08,095
You're not born-again
or anything?
151
00:06:08,130 --> 00:06:09,964
No. We lost our faith
a long time ago.
152
00:06:09,998 --> 00:06:10,965
Oh.
153
00:06:10,999 --> 00:06:13,768
Well, you lost something here a
long time ago, too, didn't you?
154
00:06:18,774 --> 00:06:22,576
Uh, Doug.
RV. Sell. It. Now.
155
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Why do I have to do it?
Andy and I have errands to run.
156
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Right.
157
00:06:26,381 --> 00:06:29,016
Listen, um, is everything
okay with you guys?
158
00:06:29,051 --> 00:06:32,086
'Cause I'm sensing
a little trouble.
159
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,789
No.
Everything's fine.
160
00:06:34,823 --> 00:06:38,392
But if anybody asks, I'm Nathalie,
Shane is Shawn, Andy's Randy,
161
00:06:38,427 --> 00:06:41,495
Doug is Ted, Silas is Mike,
and the baby's Avi.
162
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Clear?
163
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So?
164
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What were you thinking?
165
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You go to Dearborn
'cause Arabs love hash?
166
00:06:55,777 --> 00:06:58,312
You've been watching
too many episodes of "24."
167
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No one does this shit anymore.
168
00:07:00,382 --> 00:07:03,417
You're wrong.
It's making a comeback.
169
00:07:03,452 --> 00:07:05,886
It's retro.
Kids love retro.
170
00:07:05,921 --> 00:07:07,955
These things are cyclical.
171
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Look, I promote three
of the hottest nights a week
172
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out of this space,
and trust me,
173
00:07:12,027 --> 00:07:14,528
no kid comes here
to smoke hash and get mellow.
174
00:07:14,563 --> 00:07:17,098
They all want to get cranked up,
fuck like dogs.
175
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:19,133
So, unless you're packing "e"
or blow,
176
00:07:19,167 --> 00:07:20,835
you're shit out of luck, mommy.
177
00:07:20,869 --> 00:07:23,104
I need up.
Not down.
178
00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:25,606
Up. Not down.
179
00:07:26,341 --> 00:07:27,808
Hash.
180
00:07:27,843 --> 00:07:29,110
Belongs in a fucking museum.
181
00:07:29,144 --> 00:07:30,111
Okay.
182
00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:31,645
Thank you for your time.
183
00:07:59,374 --> 00:08:02,009
Boy. What a crowd.
184
00:08:02,043 --> 00:08:03,711
I'm sure this isn't
a fire hazard, right?
185
00:08:03,745 --> 00:08:05,179
Mind if I kneel down
next to you?
186
00:08:05,213 --> 00:08:06,881
Stretch the hip flexors
a little bit?
187
00:08:06,915 --> 00:08:08,015
There we go.
Okay.
188
00:08:10,585 --> 00:08:12,386
I'm sort of recent convert.
189
00:08:12,420 --> 00:08:14,088
Prison.
5-year stretch.
190
00:08:14,122 --> 00:08:15,589
I don't like to talk about it.
191
00:08:15,624 --> 00:08:16,857
Found Allah.
192
00:08:16,892 --> 00:08:18,425
It was either that
or go Aryan nation.
193
00:08:18,460 --> 00:08:20,327
But those guys are just assholes...
shh!
194
00:08:26,501 --> 00:08:28,302
Passports?
195
00:08:31,807 --> 00:08:33,607
Passports?
196
00:08:37,979 --> 00:08:39,146
Passports?
197
00:08:39,181 --> 00:08:40,314
Why do you keep
saying this word?
198
00:08:40,348 --> 00:08:41,315
Please stop!
199
00:08:46,288 --> 00:08:47,388
Passports?
200
00:08:57,866 --> 00:09:00,167
Passports?
201
00:09:02,604 --> 00:09:04,038
Passports?
202
00:09:06,575 --> 00:09:09,043
Oh, okay.
Oh, wait. Can I get my mat?
203
00:09:09,077 --> 00:09:10,845
It's a manduka pro.
204
00:09:12,681 --> 00:09:14,448
This isn't
very accepting of you.
205
00:09:14,482 --> 00:09:17,451
The mosque up the street
has much nicer carpets.
206
00:09:17,485 --> 00:09:18,485
So you know.
207
00:09:20,922 --> 00:09:22,189
What the fuck is that?
208
00:09:22,224 --> 00:09:23,958
Shut up.
I'm concentrating.
209
00:09:23,992 --> 00:09:26,560
It's a telekinetic
obstacle course.
210
00:09:26,595 --> 00:09:29,363
It measures theta waves
like an E.E.G.
211
00:09:29,397 --> 00:09:31,899
It's kind of like
shock therapy.
212
00:09:31,933 --> 00:09:35,035
Not that I've ever had that.
213
00:09:35,070 --> 00:09:36,136
It's not moving.
214
00:09:36,171 --> 00:09:37,905
Stay focused.
215
00:09:37,939 --> 00:09:42,676
So, Mr. Schiff...
What was my mom like as a teenager?
216
00:09:42,711 --> 00:09:46,146
Well, um...
She got straight A's in math.
217
00:09:47,315 --> 00:09:50,484
An amazing gymnast and dancer.
218
00:09:50,518 --> 00:09:51,819
Oh.
219
00:09:51,853 --> 00:09:53,654
They used to have
this talent show
220
00:09:53,688 --> 00:09:55,956
where all the kids would
choreograph these numbers
221
00:09:55,991 --> 00:09:57,691
and make money for the prom.
222
00:09:57,726 --> 00:10:01,929
And Nancy...
Stole the show.
223
00:10:01,963 --> 00:10:04,932
I mean, she outshined everyone,
including all the older girls.
224
00:10:04,966 --> 00:10:11,038
She designed her own costume,
which was this metallic...
225
00:10:11,072 --> 00:10:20,614
Lavender leotard thing, which was so...
226
00:10:20,649 --> 00:10:23,217
Excellent.
227
00:10:24,152 --> 00:10:26,720
You wouldn't have any pictures,
would you?
228
00:10:26,755 --> 00:10:29,924
Check this out.
229
00:10:29,958 --> 00:10:32,059
You keep a picture of our mom
in your wallet?
230
00:10:34,129 --> 00:10:35,796
No. No, no, no.
231
00:10:35,830 --> 00:10:37,331
No, I just...
232
00:10:37,365 --> 00:10:39,366
Dug it out a few minutes ago
to show it to you two.
233
00:10:39,401 --> 00:10:42,603
And if you don't believe me,
I'm not crazy.
234
00:10:42,637 --> 00:10:44,638
Oh, nobody said you were.
235
00:10:44,673 --> 00:10:46,807
So what else
can you tell us about her?
236
00:10:46,841 --> 00:10:48,909
Well, why don't I fetch
the yearbook
237
00:10:48,944 --> 00:10:50,744
and you can see for yourself?
238
00:10:50,779 --> 00:10:52,846
This is bullshit.
239
00:10:52,881 --> 00:10:55,416
Maybe it only works
on positive energy.
240
00:10:55,450 --> 00:10:57,918
Fuck you.
241
00:10:57,953 --> 00:11:00,087
So, what do you think
is in the locked room
242
00:11:00,121 --> 00:11:01,255
at the end of the hall?
243
00:11:01,289 --> 00:11:03,123
Probably a shrine to mom.
244
00:11:03,158 --> 00:11:04,725
Et voilà.
245
00:11:07,562 --> 00:11:09,797
Holy shit.
246
00:11:09,831 --> 00:11:12,266
Yeah, here she is.
247
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:13,467
Shane, check it out.
248
00:11:13,501 --> 00:11:14,368
Hold on.
I'm getting close.
249
00:11:14,402 --> 00:11:15,602
That's weird.
250
00:11:15,637 --> 00:11:18,605
The guy next to her
has his face marked out.
251
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:21,008
That's 'cause he was an idiot.
252
00:11:21,042 --> 00:11:24,278
Still is.
I deliver his mail.
253
00:11:24,312 --> 00:11:27,648
Lars G...
Guinard.
254
00:11:27,682 --> 00:11:31,051
The loser, asshole, do-nothing
boyfriend of your mother's
255
00:11:31,086 --> 00:11:34,555
from the middle of junior high
all the way through high school.
256
00:11:34,589 --> 00:11:35,556
Really?
257
00:11:35,590 --> 00:11:37,491
She's never mentioned him.
258
00:11:37,525 --> 00:11:39,727
She ever mention me?
259
00:11:39,761 --> 00:11:42,096
Holy fuck.
It's levitating.
260
00:11:44,099 --> 00:11:46,166
What's this Lars guy look like?
261
00:11:46,201 --> 00:11:51,805
Blonde-haired, lean, chisel-faced...
He looked like you.
262
00:12:11,926 --> 00:12:14,561
Oh.
263
00:12:14,596 --> 00:12:16,463
Surprise!
264
00:12:16,498 --> 00:12:22,770
Was in the neighborhood.
Decided to... Drop by.
265
00:12:22,804 --> 00:12:23,937
Wow.
266
00:12:23,972 --> 00:12:26,373
Nice headstones.
267
00:12:26,408 --> 00:12:28,709
Jill really went all out.
268
00:12:28,743 --> 00:12:31,111
As usual.
269
00:12:31,146 --> 00:12:33,514
Uh, this is...Avi.
Stevie.
270
00:12:33,548 --> 00:12:35,849
Uh, whatever.
Your grandchild.
271
00:12:35,884 --> 00:12:39,520
I wanted you to meet him.
272
00:12:43,992 --> 00:12:48,796
Sorry you never got a chance to...
Meet Silas and Shane.
273
00:12:48,830 --> 00:12:50,831
In retrospect,
probably a mistake.
274
00:12:50,865 --> 00:12:53,267
But you started it.
275
00:12:53,301 --> 00:12:56,070
You think
my marrying a Jew was bad...
276
00:12:56,104 --> 00:12:59,073
you should meet
this little guy's father.
277
00:12:59,107 --> 00:13:00,307
Long story.
278
00:13:00,341 --> 00:13:02,576
Didn't work out so well.
279
00:13:02,610 --> 00:13:05,612
Won't bore you
with the details.
280
00:13:05,647 --> 00:13:08,048
I'm really liking
this new side of you.
281
00:13:08,083 --> 00:13:11,118
Less judgmental, more
accepting, willing to listen.
282
00:13:13,354 --> 00:13:15,856
If I weren't in the process
of fleeing the country,
283
00:13:15,890 --> 00:13:18,292
I'd say we should do it
more often.
284
00:13:18,326 --> 00:13:19,893
Anyway...
285
00:13:25,934 --> 00:13:28,669
Anderson's butterscotch.
286
00:13:28,703 --> 00:13:30,504
Your favorite.
287
00:13:30,538 --> 00:13:31,972
Mom, sorry.
288
00:13:32,006 --> 00:13:35,042
I didn't get a chance
to stop by a liquor store.
289
00:13:36,277 --> 00:13:37,411
Say "bye."
290
00:13:37,445 --> 00:13:39,880
Excuse me.
291
00:13:39,914 --> 00:13:41,882
I-I'm...
I'm totally lost.
292
00:13:41,916 --> 00:13:43,750
Would you mind if I follow you
back to the main office?
293
00:13:43,785 --> 00:13:45,185
I need to get one of those.
294
00:13:45,220 --> 00:13:46,253
Why didn't I get one of those?
295
00:13:46,287 --> 00:13:48,088
Dummy.
Uh, me, not...You.
296
00:13:48,123 --> 00:13:51,625
Your baby has your eyes...
the shape, not the color.
297
00:13:51,659 --> 00:13:52,960
I'm not a pervert.
I promise.
298
00:13:52,994 --> 00:13:54,595
I'm just...Chatty
299
00:13:54,629 --> 00:13:57,798
and in desperate need of a...
300
00:13:57,832 --> 00:13:59,500
Map.
301
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:01,835
I'm done. Here.
302
00:14:01,870 --> 00:14:03,303
Take mine.
303
00:14:06,574 --> 00:14:08,408
Nancy price?
304
00:14:12,313 --> 00:14:15,182
Ellis. Tate.
From high school.
305
00:14:15,216 --> 00:14:18,185
I was a freshman
when you were a senior.
306
00:14:18,219 --> 00:14:19,686
I had a huge crush
on you.
307
00:14:19,721 --> 00:14:21,655
You had no idea I existed.
308
00:14:21,689 --> 00:14:24,258
Sure.
309
00:14:24,292 --> 00:14:26,894
You look...The same?
310
00:14:28,396 --> 00:14:29,663
Yeah.
311
00:14:29,697 --> 00:14:31,498
Uh, sorry about your parents.
312
00:14:31,533 --> 00:14:33,767
Um...Mine are buried around here
somewhere, too.
313
00:14:33,801 --> 00:14:35,669
Probably hiding from me.
314
00:14:35,703 --> 00:14:37,704
But I'll find them.
315
00:14:37,739 --> 00:14:41,208
Clearly I haven't exactly
been a...
316
00:14:41,242 --> 00:14:44,778
Regular visitor around these
parts, if you know what I mean.
317
00:14:44,812 --> 00:14:47,881
Well, glad to see
I'm not the only one.
318
00:14:49,884 --> 00:14:52,019
Um, l-listen.
I live in Oregon.
319
00:14:52,053 --> 00:14:55,289
I'm just down here clearing up
some, uh, family trust stuff.
320
00:14:55,323 --> 00:14:56,790
Dodged all the reunions.
321
00:14:56,824 --> 00:14:58,926
Didn't really keep track
of the old crowd.
322
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:03,830
But, uh, seeing you now, I'm...
I'm starting to regret it.
323
00:15:05,366 --> 00:15:08,869
Do you want to get a coffee
or something?
324
00:15:08,903 --> 00:15:12,172
Re-live the old horrors and
humiliations of high school.
325
00:15:12,207 --> 00:15:14,174
Well, that sounds like no fun.
326
00:15:15,443 --> 00:15:18,178
Nice to see you.
327
00:15:18,213 --> 00:15:20,747
They fuck you up,
your mom and dad.
328
00:15:20,782 --> 00:15:24,751
They may not mean to,
but they do.
329
00:15:24,786 --> 00:15:27,754
They fill you with the faults
they had
330
00:15:27,789 --> 00:15:30,357
and add some extra
just for you.
331
00:15:30,391 --> 00:15:32,793
It's sad, isn't it?
332
00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:37,364
One cup of coffee.
333
00:15:37,398 --> 00:15:38,799
Hmm?
334
00:15:43,171 --> 00:15:44,938
My number.
335
00:15:44,973 --> 00:15:49,176
That's very sweet, Ellis, but...
336
00:15:49,210 --> 00:15:51,345
You're a freshman,
I'm a senior.
337
00:15:51,379 --> 00:15:52,846
It'd never work out.
338
00:15:59,387 --> 00:16:00,687
Dork.
339
00:16:05,693 --> 00:16:07,261
Oh. Look.
340
00:16:07,295 --> 00:16:09,296
Sorry about ruining
your, uh, prayer time in there.
341
00:16:09,330 --> 00:16:11,198
Look, there's a militancy
342
00:16:11,232 --> 00:16:13,400
to our religion I'm just
not yet simpatico with.
343
00:16:13,434 --> 00:16:15,902
Passports.
Are you buying or selling?
344
00:16:15,937 --> 00:16:17,604
Buying. I'm buying.
Yeah.
345
00:16:17,639 --> 00:16:19,306
See? I knew...
I'm a good judge of character.
346
00:16:19,340 --> 00:16:21,041
The minute I laid eyes on you,
347
00:16:21,075 --> 00:16:22,576
I said, "that's a guy
with connections."
348
00:16:22,610 --> 00:16:24,077
It is true.
I can connect you with someone.
349
00:16:24,112 --> 00:16:26,113
But it will cost you
$100, cash.
350
00:16:26,147 --> 00:16:28,682
Oh, okay, yeah.
351
00:16:28,716 --> 00:16:32,052
Uh...Uh...
352
00:16:33,488 --> 00:16:35,622
Go to 84720 Michigan Avenue.
353
00:16:35,657 --> 00:16:37,724
Ask for Sam.
He's my uncle.
354
00:16:39,594 --> 00:16:42,763
84720 Michigan Avenue.
355
00:16:42,797 --> 00:16:45,632
84720 Michigan Avenue.
356
00:16:45,667 --> 00:16:48,001
84720 Michigan Avenue.
Ask for Sam.
357
00:16:48,036 --> 00:16:50,304
No luck ditching
the Jesus-mobile.
358
00:16:50,338 --> 00:16:52,239
I think we're gonna
have to come up... shh!
359
00:16:52,273 --> 00:16:53,340
Don't confuse me!
I got an address.
360
00:16:53,374 --> 00:16:55,442
84-something-something
Michigan Avenue. Fuck!
361
00:16:55,476 --> 00:16:57,144
8742... no.
362
00:16:57,178 --> 00:16:59,112
842... God!
363
00:16:59,147 --> 00:17:01,014
Oh! This always
happens to me!
364
00:17:01,049 --> 00:17:03,517
Ridiculous bad
short-term memory. Damn it!
365
00:17:03,551 --> 00:17:05,085
84720.
366
00:17:06,220 --> 00:17:09,156
I was an accountant.
Numbers was my thing.
367
00:17:12,827 --> 00:17:14,795
What a douchebag.
368
00:17:14,829 --> 00:17:17,464
"Ask for Sam, my uncle."
Uncle Sam.
369
00:17:17,498 --> 00:17:18,965
That bastard ripped me off!
370
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,334
Fuckin' A-rabs.
371
00:17:20,368 --> 00:17:22,602
All right. What now?
372
00:17:22,637 --> 00:17:25,605
Paint "Allah is awesome love"
on the side of the RV?
373
00:17:36,918 --> 00:17:37,884
Fuck!
374
00:17:37,919 --> 00:17:39,286
Fuck!
375
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,788
Fuck!
What the fuck?!
376
00:17:41,823 --> 00:17:43,223
Sorry.
I didn't see your car.
377
00:17:43,257 --> 00:17:44,424
My car?
378
00:17:44,459 --> 00:17:47,694
This is my home!
I live here, fuckwad!
379
00:17:47,729 --> 00:17:50,063
Okay.
No need to get nasty.
380
00:17:50,098 --> 00:17:52,032
Yeah?! Well, I made
this fucking car!
381
00:17:52,066 --> 00:17:54,568
23 years on the assembly line!
382
00:17:54,602 --> 00:17:56,169
Laid off!
383
00:17:56,204 --> 00:17:58,638
And you're an asshole!
384
00:17:58,673 --> 00:18:01,074
Hey, man,
sorry we dented your...House,
385
00:18:01,109 --> 00:18:03,009
but the damage
does seem minimal,
386
00:18:03,044 --> 00:18:05,379
and I'm guessing, since
you're living out of your car,
387
00:18:05,413 --> 00:18:07,681
you're probably not keeping up
with the insurance payments,
388
00:18:07,715 --> 00:18:10,016
so what do you say
we call it a day?
389
00:18:10,051 --> 00:18:12,552
Yeah? Fuck you!
390
00:18:12,587 --> 00:18:15,055
You could have killed my wife!
391
00:18:15,089 --> 00:18:17,090
And my kids!
392
00:18:17,125 --> 00:18:18,725
You okay, honey?
393
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:20,060
You all right, buddy?
394
00:18:20,094 --> 00:18:21,928
You kids okay?
You all right?
395
00:18:24,132 --> 00:18:26,566
Give me 100 bucks,
and we'll call it a day.
396
00:18:26,601 --> 00:18:29,703
That seems to be
the popular number today.
397
00:18:29,737 --> 00:18:31,204
I'll tell you what.
398
00:18:31,239 --> 00:18:34,408
We'll trade you
the RV for the car.
399
00:18:34,442 --> 00:18:36,810
Obviously, you need a home
to raise your kids,
400
00:18:36,844 --> 00:18:40,881
we need a car that gets more
than eight gallons to the mile.
401
00:18:40,915 --> 00:18:42,883
What's the catch?
402
00:18:42,917 --> 00:18:44,584
Uh, the catch is,
403
00:18:44,619 --> 00:18:47,120
with this economy, you have
no hope at all of finding a job.
404
00:18:48,723 --> 00:18:51,224
So, take it.
405
00:18:51,259 --> 00:18:54,861
Your kids need more than
an ashtray to call their own.
406
00:18:56,431 --> 00:18:58,432
Pack your things.
We're moving out.
407
00:18:58,466 --> 00:19:00,634
So anything special
we should know about the car?
408
00:19:00,668 --> 00:19:01,768
Oh, yeah.
409
00:19:01,803 --> 00:19:03,370
Termites.
Asbestos.
410
00:19:03,404 --> 00:19:05,872
And the basement floods
in the winter.
411
00:19:05,907 --> 00:19:07,207
Fuckin' assholes.
412
00:19:07,241 --> 00:19:09,676
Fair enough.
413
00:19:24,759 --> 00:19:26,693
Ellis. Ellis.
414
00:19:30,364 --> 00:19:32,466
Tate.
415
00:19:37,138 --> 00:19:39,473
How's mommy gonna move
all this hash?
416
00:19:39,507 --> 00:19:41,274
Huh?
417
00:19:41,309 --> 00:19:43,510
No? No idea?
418
00:19:43,544 --> 00:19:45,312
You're no help.
419
00:19:45,346 --> 00:19:47,514
You're no help.
420
00:19:48,549 --> 00:19:50,083
Wow.
421
00:20:09,237 --> 00:20:12,105
That could work.
422
00:20:12,139 --> 00:20:14,641
Silas Guinard.
Mike Guinard.
423
00:20:14,675 --> 00:20:16,243
Shut up.
424
00:20:16,277 --> 00:20:19,246
Just because I'm blond doesn't
mean dad wasn't my dad.
425
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:20,780
Andy's got light hair.
426
00:20:20,815 --> 00:20:22,516
You think Andy's your dad?
427
00:20:22,550 --> 00:20:24,050
No, dipshit.
428
00:20:24,085 --> 00:20:26,620
I'm just saying, maybe it skips
a generation or something.
429
00:20:26,654 --> 00:20:29,456
If that was the case, you'd have
a jewfro like grandpa Lenny.
430
00:20:29,490 --> 00:20:31,024
Yeah, well, we'll see.
431
00:20:31,058 --> 00:20:33,827
This Schiff guy's
a little out to lunch.
432
00:20:33,861 --> 00:20:36,429
Lars could be black
for all we know.
433
00:20:36,464 --> 00:20:38,331
It's "Lars."
Not "Delars."
434
00:20:38,366 --> 00:20:39,733
Shut up.
435
00:20:39,767 --> 00:20:42,536
This is his house.
436
00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:47,641
What the fuck are you doing?!
437
00:20:47,675 --> 00:20:49,109
You can't just ring
some guy's doorbell
438
00:20:49,143 --> 00:20:50,610
and ask if he's
someone's father.
439
00:20:51,779 --> 00:20:52,746
Just chill.
440
00:20:55,550 --> 00:20:58,618
Yo.
Can I help you, bros?
441
00:21:00,187 --> 00:21:01,855
Y-yeah.
442
00:21:01,889 --> 00:21:03,990
We, uh, noticed your car's
for sale.
443
00:21:04,025 --> 00:21:05,425
Oh, hey, yeah, totally.
She's a sweet ride.
444
00:21:05,459 --> 00:21:07,127
Real cherry.
445
00:21:07,161 --> 00:21:08,628
Cool scooters.
446
00:21:10,531 --> 00:21:11,965
You guys get those
from Skymall?
447
00:21:11,999 --> 00:21:14,467
Y-yeah.
How'd you know?
448
00:21:14,502 --> 00:21:16,369
Ordered one last year,
never showed up.
449
00:21:16,404 --> 00:21:17,837
Then I ordered another one...
same thing.
450
00:21:19,307 --> 00:21:20,707
Let me grab the keys.
451
00:21:20,741 --> 00:21:23,643
He is so
your fucking dad.
452
00:21:23,678 --> 00:21:24,778
Go to hell.
453
00:21:24,812 --> 00:21:26,346
Yeah. "Hell-sinki."
454
00:21:26,380 --> 00:21:30,116
Fuck you.
455
00:21:32,587 --> 00:21:34,321
Must you stand over me
like this?
456
00:21:34,355 --> 00:21:35,488
Yes, I must.
457
00:21:35,523 --> 00:21:36,990
I...I'm not good
under pressure.
458
00:21:37,024 --> 00:21:39,125
No, no, no!
That's too much hash!
459
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,328
This drink's supposed to be
an upper, not a downer.
460
00:21:41,362 --> 00:21:43,096
Right now the only thing
acting like a downer is you.
461
00:21:43,130 --> 00:21:45,865
Stand back. Let a master chemist...
Do his thing.
462
00:21:45,900 --> 00:21:48,635
Creating a new drug
is a delicate art.
463
00:21:48,669 --> 00:21:51,504
It's got to lift you up,
but not too high or too fast.
464
00:21:51,539 --> 00:21:53,139
Then, once afloat,
465
00:21:53,174 --> 00:21:54,641
it must keep you there
with a steady hand all night.
466
00:21:56,377 --> 00:21:58,545
And then once the complete
experience has run its course,
467
00:21:58,579 --> 00:22:01,414
it has to gently lay you back to
a peaceful and restful sleep.
468
00:22:01,449 --> 00:22:03,516
It also has to fuck you up.
469
00:22:03,551 --> 00:22:05,485
That too.
All right.
470
00:22:05,519 --> 00:22:09,723
One part grain alcohol, a dash
of hash, a hint of red bull.
471
00:22:09,757 --> 00:22:10,423
Oh.
472
00:22:10,458 --> 00:22:14,661
And... A soupcon of my
super secret ingredient.
473
00:22:14,695 --> 00:22:16,129
Close your eyes.
Turn around.
474
00:22:16,163 --> 00:22:18,164
Why?
'Cause it's super secret.
475
00:22:20,201 --> 00:22:23,603
Okay, Dr. Feelgood,
let's get this high on the road!
476
00:22:25,206 --> 00:22:27,374
Oh.
477
00:22:46,894 --> 00:22:48,194
Oh.
478
00:22:52,133 --> 00:22:53,767
Okay.
479
00:22:56,070 --> 00:22:58,705
Ahh.
480
00:23:03,678 --> 00:23:06,312
I replaced the alternator
a couple months ago.
481
00:23:06,347 --> 00:23:08,114
Brakes I did just last summer,
482
00:23:08,149 --> 00:23:09,616
but with the nasty winters,
if I were you guys,
483
00:23:09,650 --> 00:23:12,385
I'd get it looked at
before it snows.
484
00:23:12,420 --> 00:23:14,354
And I'm not coming down
on the price, okay?
485
00:23:14,388 --> 00:23:16,289
I mean,
you seem like a nice kid,
486
00:23:16,323 --> 00:23:19,459
but...This car's got a lot
of sentimental value.
487
00:23:19,493 --> 00:23:23,163
Just don't tell me
you lost your virginity in it.
488
00:23:25,866 --> 00:23:27,400
That's funny.
489
00:23:27,435 --> 00:23:29,069
You're a funny guy, Mike.
490
00:23:29,103 --> 00:23:31,771
Yeah. Uh, that's me...
funny Mike.
491
00:23:31,806 --> 00:23:36,376
So... If it's so special to you,
why do you want to sell it?
492
00:23:36,410 --> 00:23:38,211
Ah, it's probably time,
you know?
493
00:23:38,245 --> 00:23:39,379
I mean, I'm not getting
any younger, right?
494
00:23:41,415 --> 00:23:43,016
Ah, hell.
495
00:23:43,050 --> 00:23:45,485
Who the hell am I kidding?
496
00:23:45,519 --> 00:23:47,687
My girlfriend is making me
get rid of it.
497
00:23:47,722 --> 00:23:50,490
She doesn't like the fact that
I banged other chicks in it.
498
00:23:52,493 --> 00:23:53,560
Oh, hey, bro.
499
00:23:53,594 --> 00:23:54,627
You find the bathroom okay?
500
00:23:54,662 --> 00:23:55,995
Yep. Thanks.
501
00:23:56,030 --> 00:23:57,130
Cool.
502
00:23:57,164 --> 00:23:58,465
So what do you think?
503
00:23:58,499 --> 00:23:59,666
You want to take her
for a spin?
504
00:23:59,700 --> 00:24:03,269
Oh...Uh, I got to pass.
505
00:24:03,304 --> 00:24:05,672
I don't think
I can buy something
506
00:24:05,706 --> 00:24:08,007
you're not really ready
to sell.
507
00:24:08,042 --> 00:24:10,210
Oh, hey.
508
00:24:10,244 --> 00:24:12,512
No problem.
I totally understand.
509
00:24:12,546 --> 00:24:14,948
Actually,
I kind of appreciate it.
510
00:24:16,417 --> 00:24:18,418
You know what I'm gonna do
right now?
511
00:24:18,452 --> 00:24:22,689
I... Am gonna take this
baby off the market.
512
00:24:22,723 --> 00:24:24,357
I mean, we don't always
have to do
513
00:24:24,391 --> 00:24:25,425
what chicks tell us
to do, right?
514
00:24:25,459 --> 00:24:26,760
Yeah, especially fat chicks.
515
00:24:26,794 --> 00:24:29,028
Right.
516
00:24:31,732 --> 00:24:34,334
I'm really happy
you guys showed up today.
517
00:24:34,368 --> 00:24:36,503
You cleared some stuff up
for me.
518
00:24:36,537 --> 00:24:38,605
Ohh.
519
00:24:43,444 --> 00:24:45,378
So there's a tiny resemblance.
520
00:24:45,412 --> 00:24:47,814
But he's not my dad.
521
00:24:47,848 --> 00:24:49,649
We'll let the lab decide.
522
00:24:49,683 --> 00:24:51,718
Lab?
523
00:24:51,752 --> 00:24:53,319
DNA, my brother.
524
00:24:53,354 --> 00:24:56,322
Or should I say
"half-brother"?
525
00:25:06,867 --> 00:25:08,334
Ugh.
526
00:25:08,369 --> 00:25:09,869
How do you feel now?
Are you okay?
527
00:25:09,904 --> 00:25:11,171
My heart's beating really fast.
528
00:25:11,205 --> 00:25:13,439
I think I'm hard.
Nance, check.
529
00:25:17,411 --> 00:25:19,379
Little faster.
To the left.
530
00:25:19,413 --> 00:25:20,680
Whoo.
531
00:25:20,714 --> 00:25:21,981
You're a genius.
532
00:25:22,016 --> 00:25:23,783
I think you've
reinvented the Quaalude.
533
00:25:23,818 --> 00:25:25,485
I'll keep working on it.
534
00:25:25,519 --> 00:25:27,220
No. It's... don't change
anything. It's perfect.
535
00:25:27,254 --> 00:25:28,454
I'm on fuego!
536
00:25:28,489 --> 00:25:30,557
You wanna dance?
No, thanks.
537
00:25:30,591 --> 00:25:32,826
Andy?
No, I'm good.
538
00:25:35,229 --> 00:25:37,664
Done!
539
00:25:42,603 --> 00:25:45,338
It's fierce.
540
00:25:45,372 --> 00:25:47,173
That's... that's good.
Right?
541
00:25:47,208 --> 00:25:48,208
It's very good.
542
00:25:48,242 --> 00:25:49,542
Here's how it works.
543
00:25:49,577 --> 00:25:53,913
I deliver it in brand-name bottles
so your bartender can pull
544
00:25:53,948 --> 00:25:55,882
what looks like bourbon
from the well.
545
00:25:55,916 --> 00:25:58,518
I figure you can get
15 bucks a shot... 20.
546
00:25:58,552 --> 00:25:59,819
20 bucks a shot.
547
00:25:59,854 --> 00:26:01,354
That's probably 20 shots
per bottle.
548
00:26:01,388 --> 00:26:02,889
That's 400 bucks a bottle.
549
00:26:02,923 --> 00:26:06,459
I charge you 200 bucks a bottle...
100. 150.
550
00:26:06,493 --> 00:26:09,028
100. Your people and
the bargaining.
551
00:26:09,063 --> 00:26:11,431
Buck-25.
My "people."
552
00:26:11,465 --> 00:26:13,299
You better hope "my people"
order this stuff,
553
00:26:13,334 --> 00:26:14,534
or you're giving me
a full refund.
554
00:26:14,568 --> 00:26:15,869
Start comping this
to your best customers,
555
00:26:15,903 --> 00:26:17,770
word'll get around
that a couple shots of it,
556
00:26:17,805 --> 00:26:20,406
you'll be fucking like rabbits.
Dogs.
557
00:26:20,441 --> 00:26:22,008
Fucking like dogs.
558
00:26:22,042 --> 00:26:24,110
Only pussies wanna fuck
like rabbits.
559
00:26:29,350 --> 00:26:30,750
That's what I'm talkin' about.
560
00:26:30,784 --> 00:26:33,086
Well...All right, then.
561
00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:34,287
How fast can you deliver?
562
00:26:34,321 --> 00:26:35,655
Uh, say, next week?
563
00:26:35,689 --> 00:26:36,823
Let's say two days.
564
00:26:36,857 --> 00:26:38,258
Again with the bargaining.
565
00:26:38,292 --> 00:26:39,459
Ramadan's coming.
566
00:26:39,493 --> 00:26:41,628
Yeah.
Salam aleikum.
567
00:26:41,662 --> 00:26:43,563
Aleikum salam.
568
00:26:58,545 --> 00:27:00,580
I found her.
569
00:27:00,780 --> 00:27:08,980
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