1
00:01:49,515 --> 00:01:51,904
So it's 6 pm in the night time...
2
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...which is when I wake up.
3
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This is always really scary part for me.
4
00:02:01,945 --> 00:02:04,275
Yes! Night time.
5
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:08,344
So, now I'm going to wake up
my flat mates.
6
00:02:10,035 --> 00:02:12,734
I really love
living in a flatting situation.
7
00:02:12,735 --> 00:02:13,755
Wake up!
8
00:02:14,165 --> 00:02:16,255
Wake up everyone!
9
00:02:16,635 --> 00:02:19,055
I like to hang out with other vampires.
10
00:02:19,374 --> 00:02:21,105
I like the company.
11
00:02:21,815 --> 00:02:23,854
Awaken!
12
00:02:23,855 --> 00:02:26,155
A wakey, wakey!
13
00:02:26,845 --> 00:02:30,154
I just really like having a good time
with my friends.
14
00:02:30,155 --> 00:02:31,724
Deacon...
15
00:02:31,725 --> 00:02:32,815
Hi!
16
00:02:32,855 --> 00:02:33,754
Hey!
17
00:02:33,755 --> 00:02:35,755
Deacon...
18
00:02:36,785 --> 00:02:38,445
How was your night, last night?
19
00:02:39,265 --> 00:02:42,005
I transformed into a dog and had sex.
20
00:02:42,175 --> 00:02:43,344
Cool!
21
00:02:43,535 --> 00:02:47,795
We're gonna have a little flat-meeting
in the kitchen in about 15 minutes, okay?
22
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:49,975
- Okay.
- Okay.
23
00:02:50,165 --> 00:02:52,235
- Should I close this?
- Yes.
24
00:02:53,355 --> 00:02:54,805
Vladislav?!
25
00:02:56,845 --> 00:02:59,015
Sorry! Sorry!
26
00:03:03,065 --> 00:03:03,785
What?
27
00:03:04,135 --> 00:03:06,055
- Hey!
- What time is it?
28
00:03:06,665 --> 00:03:09,755
Umm, we're going to have a flat-meeting
in about 10 minutes.
29
00:03:09,875 --> 00:03:10,625
Twenty.
30
00:03:10,775 --> 00:03:12,005
Okay... is it...
31
00:03:26,445 --> 00:03:27,795
So we're...
32
00:03:27,915 --> 00:03:29,505
...in Petyr's room.
33
00:03:29,685 --> 00:03:31,625
I'm just going to wake him up.
34
00:03:49,695 --> 00:03:51,005
Petyr?
35
00:03:52,025 --> 00:03:53,635
Petyr!
36
00:03:56,835 --> 00:03:58,505
Petyr, wake up.
37
00:04:00,995 --> 00:04:02,078
Hey, listen.
38
00:04:02,089 --> 00:04:05,336
We're just having a flat-meeting
upstairs in about 10 minutes.
39
00:04:05,725 --> 00:04:07,994
You don't have to come but I thought I'd
40
00:04:07,995 --> 00:04:10,755
extend an invitation to you just in case.
41
00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:11,865
Umm...
42
00:04:12,214 --> 00:04:15,895
There's a lot of stuff on
the floor down here Petyr, and...
43
00:04:16,025 --> 00:04:18,714
...like this seems, I don't...
44
00:04:18,715 --> 00:04:20,715
Ah! It's a spinal column, yuck!
45
00:04:21,035 --> 00:04:22,845
And I was thinking, maybe...
46
00:04:23,025 --> 00:04:25,344
...I just should bring a broom
down here for you
47
00:04:25,345 --> 00:04:28,735
if you wanted to sweep up
some of the skeletons.
48
00:04:29,055 --> 00:04:30,025
I don't know.
49
00:04:30,065 --> 00:04:31,065
You know...
50
00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:33,234
Okay.
51
00:04:35,194 --> 00:04:37,224
I got you this chicken.
52
00:04:41,245 --> 00:04:42,525
Is Petyr coming?
53
00:04:42,655 --> 00:04:44,385
- Should we wait?
- Petyr's...
54
00:04:44,395 --> 00:04:45,744
...eight thousand years old.
55
00:04:45,745 --> 00:04:47,995
We're not going to
have Petyr at the meeting.
56
00:04:48,015 --> 00:04:49,174
Okay, so...
57
00:04:49,475 --> 00:04:53,775
Wanted to have a quick chat
about flat responsibilities because..
58
00:04:53,855 --> 00:04:57,235
uh... guys I think that we're
not all pulling our weight here.
59
00:04:57,255 --> 00:05:00,335
We're not just pointing
the finger at you, Deacon.
60
00:05:00,365 --> 00:05:03,635
You're a cool guy but you're
not pulling your weight in the flat.
61
00:05:03,855 --> 00:05:06,535
Well, I'm glad to hear that I'm cool.
62
00:05:07,235 --> 00:05:09,884
- No, that's not the point though...
- Yeah, no, I know, I know...
63
00:05:09,885 --> 00:05:11,994
It's not a flat meeting
about how cool you are.
64
00:05:11,995 --> 00:05:13,974
- I do my flat chores.
- No, you don't!
65
00:05:13,975 --> 00:05:14,625
Yes, I do.
66
00:05:14,636 --> 00:05:16,173
No, that's why we're
having the flat-meeting.
67
00:05:16,174 --> 00:05:19,954
The point is Deacon that you
have not done the dishes for 5 years.
68
00:05:19,955 --> 00:05:20,915
Vladislav is right.
69
00:05:21,114 --> 00:05:22,684
It's unacceptable to have
70
00:05:22,695 --> 00:05:25,505
so many bloody dishes
all over this bench like that...
71
00:05:25,605 --> 00:05:28,015
I'm so embarrassed
when people come over here.
72
00:05:28,025 --> 00:05:28,794
Why does it matter?
73
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:30,295
You bring them over, you kill them!
74
00:05:30,785 --> 00:05:32,685
Vampires don't do dishes.
75
00:05:32,885 --> 00:05:36,525
Deacon's like the rebellious young vampire.
76
00:05:36,635 --> 00:05:40,595
He's always doing crazy things.
Saying crazy things.
77
00:05:40,695 --> 00:05:44,025
He's just like the young,
bad boy of the group.
78
00:05:44,435 --> 00:05:46,164
Okay, so...
79
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:48,615
One day I was...
80
00:05:49,525 --> 00:05:51,475
...selling my wares...
81
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:54,395
And I walked passed this old creepy castle.
82
00:05:54,485 --> 00:05:56,375
and I look at it and think...
83
00:05:57,465 --> 00:05:59,164
...'very old and creepy.'
84
00:05:59,165 --> 00:06:01,165
And then this creature...
85
00:06:01,215 --> 00:06:02,575
...flies at me!
86
00:06:02,875 --> 00:06:06,265
It dragged me back to this dark dungeon.
87
00:06:06,535 --> 00:06:08,425
And bit into my neck.
88
00:06:08,945 --> 00:06:11,225
And just at the point of death...
89
00:06:11,355 --> 00:06:12,545
...this creature...
90
00:06:12,625 --> 00:06:15,785
...forced me to suck its foul blood.
91
00:06:16,094 --> 00:06:17,225
And then...
92
00:06:17,355 --> 00:06:19,735
...it opened it's wings, like this.
93
00:06:19,975 --> 00:06:22,045
And hovered above me...
94
00:06:22,145 --> 00:06:25,514
screeching... ah! Haha-haa!
95
00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:28,455
'Now you are vampire.'
96
00:06:29,265 --> 00:06:31,015
And it was Petyr.
97
00:06:33,175 --> 00:06:35,035
And we're still friends today.
98
00:06:35,515 --> 00:06:38,815
Vlad, you were great.
You put out the recycling.
99
00:06:38,895 --> 00:06:40,344
Which was really cool.
100
00:06:40,345 --> 00:06:41,104
And!..
101
00:06:41,125 --> 00:06:44,775
The other day,
I dragged mans body down the hallway,
102
00:06:44,855 --> 00:06:47,535
and noticed that there was no dust.
103
00:06:48,835 --> 00:06:51,765
Like, I kind of...
I kind of swept the hallway.
104
00:06:51,795 --> 00:06:53,585
Vladislav, is just like...
105
00:06:53,595 --> 00:06:55,554
...this older vampire who
106
00:06:55,555 --> 00:06:57,555
grew up in the medieval times.
107
00:06:57,675 --> 00:07:00,614
And you know, to be living this long
108
00:07:00,615 --> 00:07:03,084
and to have seen the things that he's seen
109
00:07:03,875 --> 00:07:06,275
and still like, kind of have it together,
110
00:07:07,205 --> 00:07:08,645
I mean, hat's off to him.
111
00:07:08,735 --> 00:07:10,555
Bloody hell!
112
00:07:10,975 --> 00:07:12,224
Sorry!
113
00:07:12,225 --> 00:07:14,224
He's a really great guy.
114
00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:16,224
A bit a of a pervert.
115
00:07:16,225 --> 00:07:19,754
He has some pretty old ideas about things.
116
00:07:19,755 --> 00:07:21,985
We should get some slaves!
117
00:07:22,455 --> 00:07:25,665
When I first became a vampire...
118
00:07:25,855 --> 00:07:27,774
...I was quite tyrannical.
119
00:07:27,775 --> 00:07:31,925
I was known for torturing a lot of people.
120
00:07:35,014 --> 00:07:37,305
This is my torture chamber.
121
00:07:38,095 --> 00:07:40,974
I don't come in here, often anymore.
122
00:07:41,325 --> 00:07:45,065
I tended to torture when
I was in a bad place.
123
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:48,444
My thing was, I would poke someone
124
00:07:48,445 --> 00:07:50,275
with implements.
125
00:07:50,325 --> 00:07:53,305
I was known as 'Vladislav The Poker'.
126
00:07:55,195 --> 00:07:57,315
It's been like this the whole time...
127
00:07:57,345 --> 00:08:00,095
- Okay, so...
- Viago is a little...
128
00:08:00,485 --> 00:08:01,515
...pedantic.
129
00:08:01,525 --> 00:08:03,774
The washing and the rubbish, I did that.
130
00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:07,745
Deacon, on dishes and
it still hasn't moved in 5 years.
131
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:10,694
He was an 18th century dandy.
132
00:08:10,695 --> 00:08:13,145
So, he can be very fussy.
133
00:08:13,175 --> 00:08:14,725
He nags and nags...
134
00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:16,859
...in the lounge the other day,
135
00:08:16,870 --> 00:08:20,355
and there was blood
all over my nice antique couch.
136
00:08:20,395 --> 00:08:22,145
Which one, the red one?
137
00:08:22,265 --> 00:08:24,015
Well, it's red now, yeah.
138
00:08:24,065 --> 00:08:26,904
If you're going to eat a victim
on my nice clean couch
139
00:08:26,905 --> 00:08:29,034
put down some newspaper on the floor
140
00:08:29,035 --> 00:08:30,933
and some towels.
It's not hard to do.
141
00:08:30,934 --> 00:08:34,634
We're vampires!
We don't put down towels.
142
00:08:34,635 --> 00:08:36,634
Some vampires do.
143
00:08:36,635 --> 00:08:38,715
Well, not serious ones!
144
00:08:38,775 --> 00:08:41,914
When you get 4 vampires in a flat
145
00:08:42,025 --> 00:08:44,414
obviously there's
going to be a lot of tension.
146
00:08:44,415 --> 00:08:47,964
There's tension in any,
any flatting situation.
147
00:08:47,974 --> 00:08:52,805
It's settled then. We all do our jobs,
starting with a certain Deacon...
148
00:08:52,895 --> 00:08:55,655
- I will do my dishes!
- Good then!
149
00:09:15,415 --> 00:09:17,035
This is bullshit.
150
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:59,315
I uh, became a vampire when I was 16.
151
00:09:59,575 --> 00:10:02,295
That is why I always look 16.
152
00:10:02,815 --> 00:10:06,935
In those days, of course,
life was tough for a 16 year old.
153
00:10:17,495 --> 00:10:20,155
Vampires have had a pretty bad rap.
154
00:10:20,485 --> 00:10:24,834
We're not these mopey
old creatures who live in castles.
155
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:28,075
And while some,
most of us are, a lot are... but...
156
00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:31,325
There are also those of us,
who like to flat together in
157
00:10:31,335 --> 00:10:33,295
really small countries like New Zealand.
158
00:10:43,545 --> 00:10:46,255
I was a... Nazi vampire.
159
00:10:53,834 --> 00:10:55,834
After the war, which the Nazi's lost...
160
00:10:56,575 --> 00:10:59,495
I don't know,
if you know that the Nazi's lost...
161
00:10:59,555 --> 00:11:00,595
...that war.
162
00:11:00,755 --> 00:11:02,814
If you were a Nazi, after the war...
163
00:11:03,965 --> 00:11:06,055
...and if you were a vampire...
164
00:11:07,955 --> 00:11:11,275
...and if you were a Nazi vampire...
165
00:11:11,565 --> 00:11:13,005
No way.
166
00:11:13,115 --> 00:11:14,625
I was out of there.
167
00:11:59,075 --> 00:12:01,845
Yah, I came to this country for love.
168
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:05,315
Uh, there was a girl. Human girl.
169
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:06,855
And...
170
00:12:06,905 --> 00:12:07,995
...I...
171
00:12:08,035 --> 00:12:10,435
...thought she was fantastic.
She was...
172
00:12:10,465 --> 00:12:12,304
...absolutely amazing.
173
00:12:12,305 --> 00:12:13,625
I was smitten.
174
00:12:13,785 --> 00:12:17,445
Her family emigrated to New Zealand.
175
00:12:17,655 --> 00:12:19,515
And, I thought,
176
00:12:19,625 --> 00:12:21,235
'you know what, to hell with it.
177
00:12:21,265 --> 00:12:24,764
I'm gonna go. I'm going to chase her
and tell her how I feel.'
178
00:12:24,835 --> 00:12:26,763
I told my servant Phillip,
179
00:12:26,764 --> 00:12:28,925
'Send me to New Zealand.'
180
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:29,754
He...
181
00:12:29,875 --> 00:12:32,494
...put the wrong postage on my coffin.
182
00:12:32,495 --> 00:12:35,744
So the whole journey took about 18 months.
183
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:39,645
And when I got here, she had...
184
00:12:39,765 --> 00:12:41,825
...found someone else.
185
00:12:43,135 --> 00:12:45,195
She had fallen in love.
186
00:12:45,945 --> 00:12:47,265
And...
187
00:12:47,555 --> 00:12:49,325
She was married.
188
00:13:00,315 --> 00:13:02,625
She gave me this before she left.
189
00:13:04,645 --> 00:13:06,065
There she is.
190
00:13:07,255 --> 00:13:10,135
And that's me, I put myself in there too.
191
00:13:11,935 --> 00:13:14,225
She told me it was pure silver.
192
00:13:15,375 --> 00:13:16,545
Unfortunately...
193
00:13:16,694 --> 00:13:19,255
...we vampires cannot wear silver.
194
00:13:40,545 --> 00:13:41,815
Yeah...
195
00:13:43,295 --> 00:13:46,015
It's about as long as I can wear that.
196
00:14:11,955 --> 00:14:15,065
Tonight, we are going out
into Wellington Central.
197
00:14:15,265 --> 00:14:17,085
It is important that we look good.
198
00:14:17,145 --> 00:14:18,524
Yeah, it's really good. Yeah.
199
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:23,624
One of the unfortunate things about
not having a reflection is that you...
200
00:14:23,685 --> 00:14:25,955
...don't know exactly what you look like.
201
00:14:26,015 --> 00:14:27,695
Look!
202
00:14:27,795 --> 00:14:28,775
Look!
203
00:14:28,855 --> 00:14:30,885
A ghost cup!
204
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:34,064
Floating all by itself!
205
00:14:34,065 --> 00:14:36,564
We can give each other feedback and
206
00:14:36,594 --> 00:14:39,315
help each other out until
we're looking great.
207
00:14:39,495 --> 00:14:41,845
Yes, some of our clothes are from victims.
208
00:14:41,925 --> 00:14:43,945
We might bite someone and then...
209
00:14:44,205 --> 00:14:46,755
...you think,
'Ooh, those are some nice pants!'.
210
00:14:46,835 --> 00:14:48,055
- Do work these?
- No!
211
00:14:48,225 --> 00:14:48,795
Change it!
212
00:14:48,875 --> 00:14:51,755
When you are a vampire,
you become very sexy.
213
00:14:55,325 --> 00:14:58,603
We are trying to attract victims to us.
214
00:14:58,604 --> 00:15:00,125
Not sure about the waist coat.
215
00:15:00,135 --> 00:15:03,525
I go for a look which I call
Dead But Delicious.
216
00:15:03,795 --> 00:15:05,624
We are the bait.
217
00:15:05,625 --> 00:15:07,625
But we're also the trap.
218
00:15:07,735 --> 00:15:09,465
Hello ladies.
219
00:15:31,115 --> 00:15:34,614
And my love, we are ready to go
into town and party!
220
00:15:34,615 --> 00:15:36,615
Vampire... vampire style.
221
00:15:45,955 --> 00:15:49,174
When we go into town,
we must try to blend in.
222
00:15:49,175 --> 00:15:50,604
Just walking the streets.
223
00:15:50,605 --> 00:15:53,244
Coming into town.
Um, it's really cool because
224
00:15:53,245 --> 00:15:54,904
just for one brief moment
225
00:15:54,905 --> 00:15:55,494
I feel...
226
00:15:55,495 --> 00:15:56,595
Homos!
227
00:16:03,544 --> 00:16:06,334
The trouble with being a vampire is you
228
00:16:06,335 --> 00:16:08,655
have to be invited in, to go in.
229
00:16:08,675 --> 00:16:11,354
We would like to come into the bar, please.
230
00:16:11,355 --> 00:16:15,354
- Invite us into the bar, please.
- $5... you can walk in.
231
00:16:15,355 --> 00:16:17,084
Will you invite us in!
232
00:16:17,085 --> 00:16:19,375
If the humans find out what we were...
233
00:16:19,975 --> 00:16:21,695
...they would destroy us.
234
00:16:21,995 --> 00:16:26,164
There are between 60 and 70 vampires
in the greater Wellington region.
235
00:16:26,165 --> 00:16:28,054
- Obvious vampire.
- Joline!
236
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:28,754
Hello!
237
00:16:28,785 --> 00:16:30,274
How embarrassing.
238
00:16:30,275 --> 00:16:33,095
He's um... a guy I used to work with
when I was human.
239
00:16:33,845 --> 00:16:35,714
- Is he gone?
- Yeah, he's gone.
240
00:16:35,715 --> 00:16:37,284
I've been draining him all night.
241
00:16:37,285 --> 00:16:38,615
I've been a very thirsty girl.
242
00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:39,530
Hey guys!
243
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,774
Being bitten as a little
boy or a little girl
244
00:16:41,775 --> 00:16:43,554
you're always going to look the same age.
245
00:16:43,555 --> 00:16:44,664
What are you doing tonight?
246
00:16:44,665 --> 00:16:46,214
Are you going to kill some perverts?
247
00:16:46,215 --> 00:16:48,374
- Yeah, we're meeting a pedophile.
- Cool.
248
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,014
Okay, let's just go to Big Kumara.
249
00:16:50,015 --> 00:16:51,934
- Have a good night, guys!
- Yeah, you have a good night, bye.
250
00:16:51,935 --> 00:16:54,683
The Big Kumara is
vampire owned and operated,
251
00:16:54,694 --> 00:16:56,414
and so we can always get in.
252
00:16:56,415 --> 00:17:00,045
It's the hottest night spot
for vampires in Wellington.
253
00:17:00,115 --> 00:17:02,835
- Come on in, guys, come on in.
- Thank you. Thanks.
254
00:17:11,485 --> 00:17:14,045
Perhaps you could bring
some people to the house.
255
00:17:14,115 --> 00:17:16,424
- Sure.
- Perhaps some virgins?
256
00:17:16,495 --> 00:17:17,905
Virgins? Yep, okay.
257
00:17:17,945 --> 00:17:20,724
Any kind of preference
in terms of gender or?
258
00:17:20,725 --> 00:17:22,194
Maybe some ladies?
259
00:17:22,195 --> 00:17:23,414
Yep. Ladies.
260
00:17:23,815 --> 00:17:25,375
Perhaps a guy?
261
00:17:25,765 --> 00:17:26,875
One of each?
262
00:17:27,015 --> 00:17:28,375
One of each will be cool.
263
00:17:28,454 --> 00:17:31,265
My relationship with Deacon is...
264
00:17:31,605 --> 00:17:33,705
...well, I'm his familiar.
He's my Master.
265
00:17:34,175 --> 00:17:37,175
He tells me what to do, I do it.
266
00:17:39,285 --> 00:17:43,064
We have that kind of master/servant
relationship which works nicely; actually.
267
00:17:43,065 --> 00:17:43,855
- Hello!
- Hello.
268
00:17:43,935 --> 00:17:45,124
Oh, it's a little bit of blood.
269
00:17:45,125 --> 00:17:47,955
Um, my husband, he's a...
...he's a haemophiliac.
270
00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:50,074
You know, someone that bleeds a lot.
271
00:17:50,075 --> 00:17:50,774
Yep.
272
00:17:50,965 --> 00:17:52,455
Any kind of age range?
273
00:17:52,525 --> 00:17:55,105
- Young.
- But not, not kids?
274
00:17:55,155 --> 00:17:56,414
Not kids.
275
00:17:56,635 --> 00:17:58,095
18 to 30?
276
00:17:58,555 --> 00:18:00,644
Definitely younger than yourself.
277
00:18:00,645 --> 00:18:02,645
Okay, so 18 to 30.
278
00:18:02,705 --> 00:18:03,785
So it's a dinner party?
279
00:18:03,825 --> 00:18:05,924
- I'll be there? - Yes!
- You'll be there! - Dinner Party!
280
00:18:05,925 --> 00:18:06,754
- The guys will be there?
- Yes!
281
00:18:06,755 --> 00:18:08,034
- We'll all be there?
- Yes, we will dress up...
282
00:18:08,035 --> 00:18:10,655
- Ok, great.
- ...and then... eat them.
283
00:18:11,055 --> 00:18:12,955
- Okay.. - Should be fun.
- ...great.
284
00:18:13,065 --> 00:18:15,124
I was just wondering
if we could talk about the um...
285
00:18:15,125 --> 00:18:17,585
Do you know of a night... dentist?
286
00:18:17,655 --> 00:18:19,265
Because I have this thing here.
287
00:18:19,275 --> 00:18:22,215
I was just wondering if
we could talk about the... the deal.
288
00:18:22,295 --> 00:18:23,545
- Hm?
- The deal?
289
00:18:23,985 --> 00:18:26,835
- The dishes?
- No, no, the... you know, the..deal?
290
00:18:27,235 --> 00:18:31,455
The deal is that he is going
to give me eternal life.
291
00:18:31,655 --> 00:18:33,515
Um, which is...
292
00:18:34,585 --> 00:18:36,025
...very exciting.
293
00:18:36,085 --> 00:18:38,114
Well, I just feel like I kind of
reached my potential and
294
00:18:38,115 --> 00:18:40,495
I wouldn't wanna, kind of,
get any older before, I kinda...
295
00:18:40,575 --> 00:18:43,075
I just feel like I'm the best version
of myself that I can be.
296
00:18:43,125 --> 00:18:43,622
Yes... relax.
297
00:18:43,633 --> 00:18:45,114
It's just that it's been
4 1/2 years and I just...
298
00:18:45,115 --> 00:18:47,114
but it's...
I'm doing your pot plants and
299
00:18:47,115 --> 00:18:49,395
I'm doing your dry-cleaning.
Now I'm doing your dishes...
300
00:18:49,555 --> 00:18:50,954
...and I'm doing...
And the dentist?
301
00:18:50,985 --> 00:18:53,954
And the dentist, and it's just taking an
awful long time, so I was just wondering...
302
00:18:53,955 --> 00:18:55,955
- Be gone!
- Okay.
303
00:18:56,555 --> 00:18:58,515
- I see you later!
- Okay.
304
00:19:08,935 --> 00:19:13,314
One of the most unfortunate things
about being a vampire is that...
305
00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:16,954
...you have to drink human blood.
306
00:19:16,955 --> 00:19:19,105
I like to make a
real evening of it.
307
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,165
Lovely!
308
00:19:20,175 --> 00:19:21,564
Play some music.
309
00:19:21,565 --> 00:19:24,155
Maybe give them some nice wine.
310
00:19:24,175 --> 00:19:28,344
It's their last moment alive so
why not make it a nice experience?
311
00:19:30,145 --> 00:19:31,934
So...
312
00:19:31,935 --> 00:19:34,114
Tell we what you do, what do you...
313
00:19:34,115 --> 00:19:35,694
I'm thinking about
going back to Uni, actually.
314
00:19:35,695 --> 00:19:37,224
Oh, you are?
Put that...
315
00:19:37,225 --> 00:19:38,415
over there.
316
00:19:40,355 --> 00:19:42,435
University, yah?
317
00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:45,175
Yeah, but after that,
I'm gonna travel.
318
00:19:45,415 --> 00:19:46,145
Yeah...
319
00:19:46,345 --> 00:19:49,145
I've really wanted
to go overseas for ages, so...
320
00:19:49,345 --> 00:19:51,854
saving up and I'm gonna go to Spain and
321
00:19:51,855 --> 00:19:54,195
Italy and London and...
322
00:19:54,435 --> 00:19:55,455
Yeah.
323
00:19:57,685 --> 00:19:59,924
Okay. Excuse me.
324
00:19:59,925 --> 00:20:01,925
Just put that there.
325
00:20:07,055 --> 00:20:08,865
There we go.
326
00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:18,145
Shit!
327
00:20:25,685 --> 00:20:28,035
Well, that didn't go so great.
328
00:20:28,234 --> 00:20:31,295
Um, I hit the main artery.
329
00:20:32,305 --> 00:20:35,775
So, yeah, it's a real mess in there, um...
330
00:20:36,495 --> 00:20:39,685
On the upside,
I think she had a really good time.
331
00:20:57,375 --> 00:20:59,754
So, it's quite late and uh...
332
00:20:59,755 --> 00:21:03,514
I've managed to find a woman up,
watching television.
333
00:21:03,515 --> 00:21:06,915
And, uh, she seems like
she'd be a good victim.
334
00:21:08,204 --> 00:21:11,105
I'm just going to use hypnosis on her...
335
00:21:13,435 --> 00:21:15,295
See me...
336
00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:19,154
See me...
337
00:21:20,855 --> 00:21:23,965
She can't, she can't see me
from that angle.
338
00:21:24,194 --> 00:21:26,875
Vladislav used to be extremely powerful.
339
00:21:26,955 --> 00:21:29,335
He could hypnotize crowds of people.
340
00:21:29,495 --> 00:21:32,295
Great orgies. Twenty, thirty women.
341
00:21:32,355 --> 00:21:34,574
He could turn into all sorts of animals.
342
00:21:34,575 --> 00:21:36,754
But now he never get the faces right.
343
00:21:36,755 --> 00:21:39,495
He would kill anybody.
Men, women.
344
00:21:39,575 --> 00:21:42,834
Children. Burning... everything.
345
00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:43,975
It was totally great.
346
00:21:44,085 --> 00:21:47,615
But he suffered a humiliating defeat...
347
00:21:47,755 --> 00:21:50,334
...at the hands of his arch nemesis...
348
00:21:50,335 --> 00:21:52,335
...The Beast.
349
00:22:00,215 --> 00:22:02,375
And, he's never been the same.
350
00:22:02,565 --> 00:22:04,055
See me...
351
00:22:05,905 --> 00:22:08,015
See me...
352
00:22:09,425 --> 00:22:11,625
See me...
353
00:22:13,315 --> 00:22:15,575
See me...
354
00:22:17,164 --> 00:22:19,495
Would you like to come inside?
355
00:22:43,685 --> 00:22:45,172
- Jackie, welcome!
- Hello
356
00:22:45,184 --> 00:22:46,645
Come in!
357
00:22:47,165 --> 00:22:49,565
This is Nick. Ex-ex boyfriend.
358
00:22:49,665 --> 00:22:51,144
- And Josefine.
- Nice house.
359
00:22:51,145 --> 00:22:53,955
And this is Deacon,
my overseas friend from, Europe.
360
00:22:54,195 --> 00:22:56,745
Deacon and his friends need...
361
00:22:56,835 --> 00:22:57,804
...victims.
362
00:22:57,805 --> 00:23:00,654
Hi! Please come in, welcome.
363
00:23:00,655 --> 00:23:02,655
They can't be people that...
364
00:23:03,625 --> 00:23:05,124
...I actually
365
00:23:05,155 --> 00:23:08,645
envious them or like because of course
they will become victims.
366
00:23:08,695 --> 00:23:10,725
Hi! Josefine?
367
00:23:10,885 --> 00:23:13,135
No, I sat next to you in English.
Remember?
368
00:23:13,635 --> 00:23:16,054
Um, you used to call me the Jaxorcist?
369
00:23:16,465 --> 00:23:18,325
No you did, no you did. Yeah.
370
00:23:18,405 --> 00:23:20,054
No, you started that.
371
00:23:20,545 --> 00:23:22,813
You were the one who started calling
me that and then everyone...
372
00:23:22,824 --> 00:23:24,142
...and then it kind of caught on.
373
00:23:24,395 --> 00:23:25,094
Yeah.
374
00:23:25,225 --> 00:23:27,815
Okay, bye then. Bye.
375
00:23:27,905 --> 00:23:28,815
She's in.
376
00:23:33,645 --> 00:23:34,835
Do you like that, Nick?
377
00:23:35,135 --> 00:23:36,855
Yep, that's nice.
378
00:23:38,715 --> 00:23:41,755
I will go and prepare dinner.
379
00:23:44,695 --> 00:23:47,005
Nick, are you a virgin at all?
380
00:23:47,255 --> 00:23:48,275
Um, what?
381
00:23:48,475 --> 00:23:51,415
Doesn't seem like... are, are you a virgin?
382
00:23:51,495 --> 00:23:52,973
- Yes.
- Um, no.
383
00:23:52,984 --> 00:23:54,064
I knew it.
384
00:23:54,155 --> 00:23:56,224
You were a virgin when
we were seeing each other?
385
00:23:56,225 --> 00:23:57,255
Yeah, I was twelve.
386
00:23:57,455 --> 00:23:58,894
You said he was a virgin.
387
00:23:58,895 --> 00:24:01,555
I think we drink virgin blood because...
388
00:24:01,835 --> 00:24:03,054
...it sounds cool.
389
00:24:03,125 --> 00:24:04,735
I think of it like this...
390
00:24:04,985 --> 00:24:07,295
If you're going to eat a sandwich..
391
00:24:07,775 --> 00:24:11,415
You will just enjoy it more if
you knew no one had fucked it.
392
00:24:11,595 --> 00:24:14,065
Let's concentrate on Josefine then.
393
00:24:14,175 --> 00:24:15,685
Are you a virgin?
394
00:24:15,815 --> 00:24:16,994
I'm not, no.
395
00:24:17,075 --> 00:24:18,615
Okay, I'm really sorry.
396
00:24:18,665 --> 00:24:20,134
Because I totally...
397
00:24:20,135 --> 00:24:21,595
pinned her as a Virgin.
398
00:24:21,775 --> 00:24:24,645
She looks like a virgin.
She talks like a virgin, I mean...
399
00:24:25,305 --> 00:24:27,305
Who would have sex with her?
I wouldn't.
400
00:24:27,795 --> 00:24:28,974
I would.
401
00:24:29,955 --> 00:24:30,855
Oh.
402
00:24:32,795 --> 00:24:34,033
Okay, good...
403
00:24:34,034 --> 00:24:36,885
- there's 2 dinners... yum.
- Nick?
404
00:24:37,135 --> 00:24:39,035
Do you like bisghetti?
405
00:24:39,255 --> 00:24:41,205
Uh... yep.
I usually like it.
406
00:24:41,465 --> 00:24:43,595
But, be better if it was warm?
407
00:24:43,815 --> 00:24:45,315
So, this is my favorite trick.
408
00:24:45,475 --> 00:24:48,915
We present our guest
with a plate of bisghetti.
409
00:24:49,475 --> 00:24:52,895
And then, I would say,
' Why don't you eat some bisghetti?'
410
00:24:53,385 --> 00:24:54,655
Please, Nick.
411
00:24:54,785 --> 00:24:56,185
Eat some bisghetti.
412
00:24:58,105 --> 00:25:01,115
I didn't realize you enjoyed eating worms.
413
00:25:01,275 --> 00:25:01,984
Nick.
414
00:25:02,035 --> 00:25:04,595
- No... no!
- They are worms. - Fuck off!
415
00:25:05,315 --> 00:25:07,414
There's worms moving around on my plate.
416
00:25:07,415 --> 00:25:09,814
- It is worm like but not actually worms.
- It is really bisghetti!
417
00:25:09,815 --> 00:25:12,404
We stole that idea from The Lost Boys.
418
00:25:12,405 --> 00:25:14,174
But I put a nice twist on it.
419
00:25:14,175 --> 00:25:15,165
Nick?
420
00:25:15,255 --> 00:25:18,555
How does it feel to
have a snake for a penis?
421
00:25:20,315 --> 00:25:21,125
Jackie?
422
00:25:21,155 --> 00:25:23,014
My penis has disappeared.
It's a cobra snake.
423
00:25:23,015 --> 00:25:25,924
Nobody's gonna mistake your penis
for a cobra, Nick, okay?
424
00:25:25,934 --> 00:25:27,315
- Believe you me.
- What have you put in my bisghetti?
425
00:25:27,335 --> 00:25:30,085
Now it is just a..normal penis.
426
00:25:30,275 --> 00:25:32,385
I'm out. I'm out.
427
00:25:32,595 --> 00:25:34,254
Josefine?
428
00:25:34,255 --> 00:25:36,255
Do you like bisghetti?
429
00:25:38,125 --> 00:25:39,695
Look, these freaks...
430
00:25:40,075 --> 00:25:41,192
...spike my bisghetti,
431
00:25:41,203 --> 00:25:43,535
make my cock
turn into a snake is not cool.
432
00:25:43,615 --> 00:25:45,325
Not cool.
433
00:25:51,225 --> 00:25:52,655
You don't think this is weird?
434
00:25:54,225 --> 00:25:55,575
For fuck's sake...
435
00:26:01,805 --> 00:26:03,175
Jackie?!
436
00:26:03,415 --> 00:26:05,195
Jackie!
437
00:26:05,255 --> 00:26:07,615
- Sorry Nick.
- What are you doing?!
438
00:26:08,555 --> 00:26:09,775
Jackie!
439
00:26:15,385 --> 00:26:16,495
Shit!
440
00:26:44,075 --> 00:26:45,195
Fuck off.
441
00:26:49,795 --> 00:26:50,995
Where am I?
442
00:27:13,615 --> 00:27:14,465
Fuck.
443
00:27:17,395 --> 00:27:18,255
Fuck!
444
00:27:28,865 --> 00:27:29,775
Freaks!
445
00:27:39,605 --> 00:27:41,265
Ah, no...
446
00:27:41,834 --> 00:27:43,195
Petyr got him.
447
00:27:43,225 --> 00:27:44,824
Poor guy...
448
00:27:45,295 --> 00:27:46,925
Who let Petyr out?
449
00:28:46,025 --> 00:28:47,385
Hey, guys!
450
00:28:48,645 --> 00:28:50,185
Hey, what are you guys doing?
451
00:28:50,925 --> 00:28:52,335
What are you doing, Nick?
452
00:28:52,485 --> 00:28:53,975
Come into the house.
453
00:28:55,235 --> 00:28:56,895
- Hi, my name is Nick.
- Hey, guys.
454
00:28:56,975 --> 00:28:58,635
I've been a vampire for 2 months.
455
00:29:00,555 --> 00:29:04,005
Probably, I reckon the best thing
about being a vampire is flying.
456
00:29:04,355 --> 00:29:06,574
Like I've always wanted to,
I think everyone has always wanted to fly.
457
00:29:06,575 --> 00:29:08,315
And now I can do it.
458
00:29:13,895 --> 00:29:14,785
No...
459
00:29:18,785 --> 00:29:21,245
Nick, why don't you use the front door?
460
00:29:22,365 --> 00:29:23,765
Why would I?
I'm flying.
461
00:29:24,405 --> 00:29:25,635
Petyr bit me.
462
00:29:25,785 --> 00:29:26,935
Sucked all my blood out.
463
00:29:27,015 --> 00:29:28,723
I woke up in his basement and...
464
00:29:28,724 --> 00:29:30,165
...he offered me some blood.
465
00:29:30,365 --> 00:29:31,774
I just thought it was something...
466
00:29:31,775 --> 00:29:33,775
...some German thing that these guys do.
467
00:29:33,925 --> 00:29:36,985
The transition, into becoming
a vampire was pretty hard.
468
00:29:37,615 --> 00:29:41,615
I looked like shit to start off with, like,
I had a massive gash on my neck.
469
00:29:41,875 --> 00:29:43,555
Like you could see the inside of my neck.
470
00:29:43,674 --> 00:29:45,305
I had blood all over my top.
471
00:29:45,895 --> 00:29:48,174
And then I came home and
I was sweating.
472
00:29:48,175 --> 00:29:49,895
I was either really hot or really cold.
473
00:29:50,145 --> 00:29:52,054
It was like a hang-over
times ten, I reckon.
474
00:29:52,055 --> 00:29:53,455
It was really bad.
475
00:29:59,775 --> 00:30:01,633
It was quite similar to having the flu.
476
00:30:01,634 --> 00:30:04,045
Except, the only difference
would probably be...
477
00:30:04,315 --> 00:30:06,265
...that my eyes bleed heaps.
478
00:30:07,925 --> 00:30:09,575
Are you guys not cold?
479
00:30:10,075 --> 00:30:11,562
I don't know,
I can't really explain it.
480
00:30:11,573 --> 00:30:13,572
It's like, just yeah,
real hot and cold and like...
481
00:30:13,575 --> 00:30:15,745
...bloody eyes and flying and stuff.
482
00:30:16,075 --> 00:30:18,554
The neighbors can see you
flying around the house.
483
00:30:18,555 --> 00:30:20,633
You want to draw attention
to this house, hm?
484
00:30:20,634 --> 00:30:22,913
You got a whole...
documentary crew following you around.
485
00:30:22,955 --> 00:30:25,055
I am doing an erotic dance for my friends.
486
00:30:25,105 --> 00:30:27,184
And you ruined it.
I was in the zone.
487
00:30:27,185 --> 00:30:28,575
My friends are loving it.
488
00:30:28,745 --> 00:30:30,374
I love it. I saw the end of it.
It looked great.
489
00:30:30,375 --> 00:30:33,335
I don't, I don't know if I'm...
being, if I'm accepted yet.
490
00:30:33,535 --> 00:30:35,585
But... I don't know.
I think it's getting there.
491
00:30:35,915 --> 00:30:37,925
I don't know the oldest stuff,
but they're quite naive...
492
00:30:38,015 --> 00:30:39,454
...when it comes to the real world.
493
00:30:39,895 --> 00:30:41,095
So...
494
00:30:41,295 --> 00:30:42,934
I don't know,
it would be cool to just...
495
00:30:42,955 --> 00:30:44,544
Hang out with them.
They could teach me some stuff.
496
00:30:44,545 --> 00:30:46,675
But I could probably
teach them a few things.
497
00:30:54,025 --> 00:30:56,145
At the start it was like,
'Oh no, like I'm..'
498
00:30:56,644 --> 00:30:57,614
'... I'm dead.'
499
00:30:57,975 --> 00:31:01,875
It kind of affected my friendship with
normal people, my family and stuff.
500
00:31:02,065 --> 00:31:04,545
But, of the way I see it,
I've got a whole new family.
501
00:31:04,715 --> 00:31:08,564
They accept me for who I am.
And I accept them for who they are.
502
00:31:09,245 --> 00:31:10,355
Even though...
503
00:31:10,475 --> 00:31:11,735
...one of them killed me.
504
00:31:12,035 --> 00:31:13,614
Where should we go tonight?
505
00:31:13,685 --> 00:31:14,835
Let's go to the Big Kumara.
506
00:31:14,855 --> 00:31:17,594
Why don't we go to Boogie Wonderland?
We never get in to Boogie Wonderland.
507
00:31:17,685 --> 00:31:20,054
My friend Richard's the bouncer.
He can get us in.
508
00:31:20,055 --> 00:31:22,055
- What? Really?
- He'll invite us in.
509
00:31:22,425 --> 00:31:24,725
- Stu's keen, Stu loves it.
- Cool, that's two.
510
00:31:24,885 --> 00:31:27,015
Ah, this is my friend Stu.
511
00:31:27,275 --> 00:31:29,475
- Hey.
- He works in computers and stuff.
512
00:31:29,735 --> 00:31:31,495
Originally he went out with my sister.
513
00:31:31,574 --> 00:31:32,995
And then they broke up.
514
00:31:33,175 --> 00:31:34,675
I don't really give a...
515
00:31:34,735 --> 00:31:35,875
It's got nothing to do with me.
516
00:31:35,945 --> 00:31:38,275
And um... you can't hear me.
517
00:31:40,345 --> 00:31:41,705
Yeah, so basically...
518
00:31:42,245 --> 00:31:43,895
Stu, he doesn't know that I'm a vampire.
519
00:31:44,135 --> 00:31:46,195
And he doesn't know that
my friends are vampires.
520
00:31:46,455 --> 00:31:47,733
He just thinks that I've just...
521
00:31:47,815 --> 00:31:49,534
...met some colourful friends.
522
00:31:50,395 --> 00:31:53,330
I brought him around to the house
and they all thought I brought...
523
00:31:53,341 --> 00:31:54,845
like a meal for everyone.
524
00:31:54,875 --> 00:31:55,705
It's just like...
525
00:31:55,785 --> 00:31:57,495
...it really, really sucks...
526
00:31:57,615 --> 00:31:59,315
...that I can't eat him.
527
00:31:59,544 --> 00:32:01,825
I just want to like...
528
00:32:02,935 --> 00:32:05,595
Look at it.
He's the reddest guy I know.
529
00:32:05,915 --> 00:32:07,595
Right, you can hear me.
530
00:32:08,355 --> 00:32:10,577
Yeah, you like
computer based stuff, hey, mainly?
531
00:32:10,589 --> 00:32:11,345
Yeah, yeah.
532
00:32:11,475 --> 00:32:14,265
- Geo databases.
- Yeah, like computers mainly.
533
00:32:15,544 --> 00:32:18,935
Let's have a vote for Boogie Wonderland
or The Big Kumara?
534
00:32:19,315 --> 00:32:20,705
Big Kumara!
535
00:32:22,995 --> 00:32:23,995
Great.
536
00:32:25,215 --> 00:32:26,365
Careful Stu, hurry up.
537
00:32:27,494 --> 00:32:30,554
I don't think Nick should have been
turned into a vampire.
538
00:32:31,755 --> 00:32:33,335
He's such a dick.
539
00:32:34,115 --> 00:32:36,014
- How are you brother!
- Looking great man!
540
00:32:36,015 --> 00:32:38,681
Gentlemen!...you are most welcome!
541
00:32:46,575 --> 00:32:48,394
We're in Boogie Wonderland!
542
00:32:48,395 --> 00:32:54,385
So here we are at Boogie Wonderland
and it is so much fun.
543
00:32:55,015 --> 00:32:57,674
- They have an electric floor -
This is amazing!
544
00:32:57,675 --> 00:32:59,535
I'm just so happy to be here.
545
00:33:00,025 --> 00:33:02,015
This place is pretty cheesy.
546
00:33:02,255 --> 00:33:04,454
Also, did you see the jacket he wore?
547
00:33:05,015 --> 00:33:07,044
He's wearing the same jacket as me.
548
00:33:07,045 --> 00:33:09,444
- It's not exactly the same.
- It's pretty close.
549
00:33:15,464 --> 00:33:16,528
Awesome night.
550
00:33:16,539 --> 00:33:18,926
I'm just loving
being a vampire at the moment.
551
00:33:24,245 --> 00:33:26,255
Over there, is the big Fat Lady's Arms.
552
00:33:26,395 --> 00:33:29,275
Ah, on Wednesday's there'll be,
like a fear factor competition.
553
00:33:29,295 --> 00:33:32,634
You can win like t-shirts and
hats and spot prizes.
554
00:33:32,635 --> 00:33:34,635
I can smell werewolves.
555
00:33:34,835 --> 00:33:38,815
Okay, we're just about to walk past some
werewolves so some shit might go down!
556
00:33:38,875 --> 00:33:41,235
Look out guys. Don't catch fleas.
557
00:33:41,365 --> 00:33:42,685
- What's that, mate?
- Deacon.
558
00:33:42,735 --> 00:33:44,354
- Sorry what?
- Keep going, keep walking.
559
00:33:44,355 --> 00:33:44,970
Keep walking!
560
00:33:44,981 --> 00:33:46,515
We heard that mate. We've
got sensitive hearing.
561
00:33:46,535 --> 00:33:47,604
- Have you?
- Yeah.
562
00:33:47,605 --> 00:33:49,304
What are you filming?
Some music video, is it?
563
00:33:49,305 --> 00:33:51,295
- We don't want any trouble.
- I do!
564
00:33:51,355 --> 00:33:53,895
- Why did you start it?
- Have I got your heckles up?
565
00:33:53,935 --> 00:33:54,414
Huh?
566
00:33:54,495 --> 00:33:56,974
Why don't you go smell
your own crotches, huh?
567
00:33:56,975 --> 00:33:58,264
- Come on Deacon, stop it.
- What are you talking about?
568
00:33:58,265 --> 00:34:01,264
We don't smell our own crotches.
We smell each others crotches.
569
00:34:01,265 --> 00:34:03,265
And it's a, form of... greeting.
570
00:34:03,325 --> 00:34:04,984
Your on camera, mate, don't, don't do it...
571
00:34:04,985 --> 00:34:05,394
What?
572
00:34:05,444 --> 00:34:07,124
It's okay, cause I know this guy.
573
00:34:07,125 --> 00:34:08,335
It's count Fagula.
574
00:34:09,835 --> 00:34:11,443
Hey, hey, hey! Don't swear.
575
00:34:11,444 --> 00:34:13,344
- Sorry... they... they...
- We're werewolves.
576
00:34:13,345 --> 00:34:14,623
- Not swearwolves.
- What are we?
577
00:34:14,645 --> 00:34:16,275
We're werewolves, not swearwolves.
578
00:34:16,555 --> 00:34:18,017
No, listen to Anton,
that's offensive...
579
00:34:18,028 --> 00:34:19,845
That's a really
offensive word to call people.
580
00:34:19,865 --> 00:34:22,165
Well, at least you're talking
about a bundle of sticks.
581
00:34:22,245 --> 00:34:23,835
Chase this bundle of sticks...
582
00:34:23,865 --> 00:34:24,914
Werewolves!
583
00:34:24,915 --> 00:34:25,563
Don't get it!
584
00:34:25,574 --> 00:34:27,412
No, no, it's not real...
Nathan, it's not real.
585
00:34:27,505 --> 00:34:29,363
He's just gonna take of his gloves.
586
00:34:29,364 --> 00:34:31,594
Ah, shit, man!
What the fuck you do that for?
587
00:34:31,595 --> 00:34:34,814
Hey! Don't swear.
We're gonna lose it. We're gonna lose it.
588
00:34:34,815 --> 00:34:35,634
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Hey.
589
00:34:35,635 --> 00:34:36,804
Calm down. Calm down!
590
00:34:36,805 --> 00:34:38,963
- Oh shit, I've still got my glasses on!
- Dion! Dion!
591
00:34:42,265 --> 00:34:43,105
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
592
00:34:44,145 --> 00:34:45,754
Do the breathing! Do the breathing.
593
00:34:45,755 --> 00:34:47,874
Do the breathing.
Count to ten mate. Count to ten.
594
00:34:47,875 --> 00:34:49,214
- Come on.
- Hold it.
595
00:34:49,215 --> 00:34:51,215
Count to ten, human again.
596
00:34:51,305 --> 00:34:52,895
- Ten, human again.
- It's alright. It's not full moon.
597
00:34:52,965 --> 00:34:53,965
Thanks a lot guys.
598
00:34:54,295 --> 00:34:56,305
- Enjoy your night, yeah?
- You should be ashamed of yourselves, man.
599
00:34:56,374 --> 00:34:57,854
Great, we didn't want this to happen.
600
00:35:05,115 --> 00:35:06,024
- Come on guys.
- Hey!
601
00:35:06,025 --> 00:35:08,025
Say it! Don't spray it, bitch!
602
00:35:08,145 --> 00:35:08,965
Declan!
603
00:35:09,185 --> 00:35:11,724
- Why are you swearing all the time?!
- Well, he riled me out...
604
00:35:11,725 --> 00:35:13,724
- Were they actually werewolves?
- Yeah.
605
00:35:13,725 --> 00:35:15,725
Are you okay, Stu?
606
00:35:17,575 --> 00:35:19,935
I just don't really know how to...
607
00:35:20,055 --> 00:35:22,065
...approach this,
cause I never done it before.
608
00:35:22,495 --> 00:35:24,655
Um, and he is a good friend.
609
00:35:24,865 --> 00:35:26,155
And I don't wanna...
610
00:35:26,715 --> 00:35:28,565
I don't wanna break that friendship but...
611
00:35:28,735 --> 00:35:32,175
...then again, what do you do when
someone tells you, that they're a vampire?
612
00:35:33,155 --> 00:35:35,184
I'm expecting him to be angry.
613
00:35:35,185 --> 00:35:37,640
He might be scared
and expecting a lot of things to,
614
00:35:37,651 --> 00:35:38,855
to bubble to the surface.
615
00:35:39,595 --> 00:35:41,185
You probably noticed it's been...
616
00:35:41,895 --> 00:35:44,865
I've been going
through a few changes lately.
617
00:35:45,985 --> 00:35:46,785
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
618
00:35:46,825 --> 00:35:47,585
Yeah.
619
00:35:47,805 --> 00:35:48,875
Like...
620
00:35:49,165 --> 00:35:51,045
I don't show up for lunch anymore.
621
00:35:51,915 --> 00:35:53,435
- Yeah.
- How I've...
622
00:35:53,595 --> 00:35:56,155
...changed all our, all our tennis games...
623
00:35:56,215 --> 00:35:57,635
...to night time tennis games.
624
00:35:57,695 --> 00:35:58,485
Right...
625
00:35:58,855 --> 00:36:00,494
And how you went from beating me
626
00:36:00,495 --> 00:36:02,494
every time and now how I
627
00:36:02,495 --> 00:36:04,495
I've won the last three?
628
00:36:05,655 --> 00:36:06,635
Yeah.
629
00:36:06,955 --> 00:36:07,745
So...
630
00:36:08,095 --> 00:36:09,445
The reason I brought you here...
631
00:36:10,355 --> 00:36:12,175
...is to tell you that...
632
00:36:13,225 --> 00:36:14,725
...I'm a vampire.
633
00:36:18,405 --> 00:36:19,754
Stu took it pretty well.
634
00:36:19,755 --> 00:36:21,755
He's definitely my best mate.
635
00:36:21,885 --> 00:36:23,175
And I'm not gonna eat him.
636
00:36:23,235 --> 00:36:24,975
But if they ever offer you bisghetti...
637
00:36:25,005 --> 00:36:27,195
Um... you shouldn't eat it.
638
00:36:28,855 --> 00:36:30,695
I think they offered me biscotti.
639
00:36:31,254 --> 00:36:33,335
Vampire mates don't eat human mates.
640
00:36:33,505 --> 00:36:35,445
And no matter how much I want to eat him...
641
00:36:35,505 --> 00:36:37,335
...I will never eat him cause he's my mate.
642
00:36:37,575 --> 00:36:39,355
- Hey Stu?
- Yeah.
643
00:36:40,015 --> 00:36:40,725
Yeah.
644
00:36:42,875 --> 00:36:45,495
Stu is great.
645
00:36:46,605 --> 00:36:48,045
We really like him.
646
00:36:48,055 --> 00:36:50,675
At first I wanted to kill him.
647
00:36:50,755 --> 00:36:54,195
But now I'm glad I've spent
the time to get to know him.
648
00:36:54,294 --> 00:36:58,233
Yeah, of course he looks delicious
with his big red cheeks.
649
00:36:58,234 --> 00:37:02,395
But we've all got an agreement
that we're not going to eat Stu.
650
00:37:02,475 --> 00:37:03,955
- Right?
- Right.
651
00:37:04,015 --> 00:37:06,675
The guys upstairs, they're...
...they're loving him.
652
00:37:06,855 --> 00:37:08,428
That's...
at the start, they were a bit,
653
00:37:08,439 --> 00:37:10,398
'Who's this human
you're bringing into the house?'
654
00:37:10,605 --> 00:37:12,394
But it took them literally
two minutes and...
655
00:37:12,395 --> 00:37:14,395
...they like him more
than they like me, I reckon.
656
00:37:14,925 --> 00:37:17,285
I'm knitting a scarf for Stu.
657
00:37:17,855 --> 00:37:20,075
Try and attack. Use your legs.
658
00:37:21,505 --> 00:37:22,764
Wow.
659
00:37:22,765 --> 00:37:26,254
- Step back and block...
- Punching high.
660
00:37:26,655 --> 00:37:28,034
- Yep.
- High.
661
00:37:28,035 --> 00:37:28,695
Yep.
662
00:37:28,696 --> 00:37:30,214
I'm just, what I'm trying to say is...
663
00:37:30,705 --> 00:37:32,125
...cause I know that you...
664
00:37:32,355 --> 00:37:33,674
...you turned me into a vampire.
665
00:37:34,005 --> 00:37:35,885
Maybe don't do that to him.
666
00:37:35,915 --> 00:37:37,845
He's a... vegetarian.
667
00:37:37,895 --> 00:37:39,894
Last thing he'd want to do is eat...
668
00:37:39,895 --> 00:37:42,655
...a live being or eat blood or eat meat...
669
00:37:43,244 --> 00:37:45,395
- I am controlling this.
- Get it, get it!
670
00:37:45,465 --> 00:37:49,705
It's quite amazing to see how far
technology can go forward
671
00:37:49,815 --> 00:37:51,755
if you're not paying attention.
672
00:37:53,515 --> 00:37:55,174
One message received.
673
00:37:59,425 --> 00:38:02,174
There is a crucifix behind you.
674
00:38:02,235 --> 00:38:04,904
So, down on that one, like,
half way down and we'll focus it.
675
00:38:04,905 --> 00:38:05,865
Maybe smile.
676
00:38:10,755 --> 00:38:13,395
- Anything you want to find, you...
- Yeah.
677
00:38:13,485 --> 00:38:15,795
- You can type your name here.
- I've lost...
678
00:38:15,815 --> 00:38:20,264
...a really nice silk scarf in about 1912.
679
00:38:20,265 --> 00:38:21,395
Yes, now Google it.
680
00:38:21,435 --> 00:38:26,025
Stu is the first human friend
that I've had for long time.
681
00:38:26,055 --> 00:38:29,095
With humans there's a tendency to die.
682
00:38:30,535 --> 00:38:31,415
Yeah.
683
00:38:31,615 --> 00:38:33,114
We can look at her photos.
684
00:38:33,115 --> 00:38:35,275
- Ah, oh yes.
- Or we can poke her.
685
00:38:37,955 --> 00:38:38,845
Yes.
686
00:38:39,245 --> 00:38:41,675
Can we see a movie with sunrise?
687
00:38:43,215 --> 00:38:44,945
- What? Shit!
- Whoo...
688
00:38:45,035 --> 00:38:46,505
Nice...
689
00:38:46,665 --> 00:38:49,934
If you push images,
then we can see pictures of virgins.
690
00:38:49,935 --> 00:38:51,935
- Ah, yes. Yes.
- Yah, yah...
691
00:38:54,695 --> 00:38:58,295
I don't think she's
a virgin if she's doing that.
692
00:39:11,735 --> 00:39:13,015
There he is, yeah.
693
00:39:13,195 --> 00:39:15,445
This is my old servant, Phillip.
694
00:39:15,555 --> 00:39:17,795
- So, we're gonna call him.
- Yeah.
695
00:39:17,865 --> 00:39:19,215
And...
696
00:39:19,305 --> 00:39:21,084
...screen...
697
00:39:25,245 --> 00:39:28,103
My God, that's him, that's him,
that's him, that's Phillip, that's Phillip.
698
00:39:28,104 --> 00:39:30,104
- He looks so old.
699
00:41:04,895 --> 00:41:06,373
Yeah, kind of like Google Maps,
700
00:41:06,384 --> 00:41:08,615
but like, more...
more layers of information.
701
00:41:08,635 --> 00:41:10,974
The movie Twilight, have you seen it?
702
00:41:11,425 --> 00:41:14,655
Okay, I'm the main guy in Twilight.
You now the main guy?
703
00:41:14,755 --> 00:41:15,735
Twilight?
704
00:41:16,055 --> 00:41:16,994
That's me.
705
00:41:17,014 --> 00:41:18,365
There's cameras following me around.
706
00:41:18,395 --> 00:41:19,564
They could have chosen anyone.
707
00:41:19,565 --> 00:41:21,825
How many people have you told
you're are a vampire?
708
00:41:21,954 --> 00:41:24,014
- Not many.
- I heard that girl...
709
00:41:24,035 --> 00:41:26,963
...talking about it
you said you're a vampire!
710
00:41:26,964 --> 00:41:27,974
Yeah, I told her.
711
00:41:28,045 --> 00:41:29,494
- Who else?
- Who did you tell?
712
00:41:29,495 --> 00:41:31,075
Uh, I told her hot friend.
713
00:41:31,115 --> 00:41:34,094
You can't tell everyone
that you're a vampire.
714
00:41:34,095 --> 00:41:34,973
Who's that guy?
715
00:41:34,974 --> 00:41:36,973
I don't know but I trust him.
716
00:41:36,974 --> 00:41:39,465
- You can't tell everyone.
- I won't.
717
00:41:44,405 --> 00:41:46,425
Yeah, I've got a bit of an eye condition.
718
00:41:46,765 --> 00:41:47,814
What's wrong with them?
719
00:41:47,815 --> 00:41:50,135
Um, vampire eyes.
Can't go into the sun.
720
00:41:50,835 --> 00:41:52,855
Oh my God, are they your fangs?
721
00:41:53,105 --> 00:41:54,234
For real?
722
00:41:54,235 --> 00:41:55,485
For real, real.
723
00:41:55,695 --> 00:41:57,015
Too real, real.
724
00:41:57,265 --> 00:41:58,465
I'm a vampire.
725
00:41:58,555 --> 00:41:59,695
- You're a vampire?
- Yeah.
726
00:41:59,944 --> 00:42:02,805
- I'm a vampire hunter mate.
- No you're not.
727
00:42:02,875 --> 00:42:04,685
- I am!
- You fucking piece of shit.
728
00:42:04,845 --> 00:42:06,155
I'll Skype you!
729
00:42:06,235 --> 00:42:07,114
I float.
730
00:42:07,115 --> 00:42:08,655
- I can transform into stuff.
- Same.
731
00:42:09,455 --> 00:42:11,104
- No you can't.
- Yeah.
732
00:42:11,105 --> 00:42:12,805
I'll show you.
733
00:42:13,055 --> 00:42:15,324
You show me.
You show me some of your vampire stuff.
734
00:42:15,325 --> 00:42:16,445
What have I got?
Um...
735
00:42:21,975 --> 00:42:24,275
Don't lie about transforming into shit.
736
00:42:30,985 --> 00:42:33,455
- Twilight!
- Shut up Nick!
737
00:42:34,205 --> 00:42:35,624
You're not Twilight.
738
00:42:35,625 --> 00:42:37,745
- What's your problem?
- You are my problem.
739
00:42:37,924 --> 00:42:39,955
Telling the world that we are vampires.
740
00:42:40,015 --> 00:42:41,714
And I'll tell the whole world
that you're an asshole now as well.
741
00:42:41,715 --> 00:42:42,815
Shut up!
742
00:42:43,944 --> 00:42:44,774
- Shut up!
- Guys?
743
00:42:44,775 --> 00:42:45,883
- You shut up!
- No, you shut up!
744
00:42:45,884 --> 00:42:47,365
- No, you shut up.
- You shut up.
745
00:42:47,495 --> 00:42:48,574
I'm Dracula, man!
746
00:42:48,575 --> 00:42:49,893
- You're not Dracula!
- I'm Dracula!
747
00:42:49,894 --> 00:42:51,434
You don't even know who Dracula is!
748
00:42:51,435 --> 00:42:52,375
You idiot!
749
00:42:55,934 --> 00:42:59,025
- Ooh, bat fight!
- Bat fight! Oh, yah, yah, yah!
750
00:43:06,515 --> 00:43:08,085
Ah, Deacon!
751
00:43:09,375 --> 00:43:11,475
That wasn't fair, man!
752
00:43:11,655 --> 00:43:12,934
My fucking jacket, man!
753
00:43:12,935 --> 00:43:14,935
I don't care about your stupid jacket.
754
00:43:16,555 --> 00:43:18,805
- Deacon!
- You okay man?
755
00:43:35,325 --> 00:43:37,345
- Hey Stu?
- Mmm-hmm?
756
00:43:37,435 --> 00:43:40,295
How's your worms?
757
00:43:40,735 --> 00:43:41,805
Alright.
758
00:43:41,935 --> 00:43:43,765
You're eating worms.
759
00:43:48,155 --> 00:43:51,295
Can you do that shit when
you turn them into worms?
760
00:43:51,335 --> 00:43:52,285
No.
761
00:43:52,355 --> 00:43:53,524
Doesn't work on chips.
762
00:43:53,525 --> 00:43:56,385
Only works on things that
already look like worms.
763
00:43:56,565 --> 00:43:59,975
- Maybe noodles. Do you want some noodles?
- He knows now.
764
00:44:01,465 --> 00:44:03,395
Oh no. I wouldn't eat that.
765
00:44:06,455 --> 00:44:07,225
Why?
766
00:44:17,735 --> 00:44:19,325
Are you okay Nick?
767
00:44:20,495 --> 00:44:22,175
Alright?
768
00:44:28,355 --> 00:44:29,745
He ate a chip.
769
00:44:29,955 --> 00:44:31,834
I can't eat solids now, great.
770
00:44:32,025 --> 00:44:33,335
I can't sunbathe.
771
00:44:33,365 --> 00:44:34,955
I can't watch daytime TV.
772
00:44:35,105 --> 00:44:37,025
I can if I... yeah I guess I could.
773
00:44:37,445 --> 00:44:39,195
More, more than anything, just the chips.
774
00:44:39,415 --> 00:44:41,115
My favorite food.
I can't eat chips.
775
00:44:42,345 --> 00:44:43,874
I don't... it's just...
776
00:44:43,875 --> 00:44:44,835
I hate...
777
00:44:44,995 --> 00:44:47,005
I'll say it. I'm over being a vampire.
It's shit.
778
00:44:47,635 --> 00:44:49,295
So, don't, don't believe the hype.
779
00:45:06,535 --> 00:45:07,335
Jackie?!
780
00:45:10,255 --> 00:45:11,575
Jackie, can I come in please?
781
00:45:11,635 --> 00:45:13,774
- Okay, off to bed guys!
- Hello children!
782
00:45:13,865 --> 00:45:14,830
Don't look at the man.
783
00:45:14,841 --> 00:45:16,454
I hate it when you
look at the man.
784
00:45:16,455 --> 00:45:18,455
Natasha, don't look at the man!
785
00:45:19,175 --> 00:45:20,925
I was going to bite you tonight.
786
00:45:21,275 --> 00:45:21,815
Really?
787
00:45:21,855 --> 00:45:25,015
But now I can't because
there's this Nick being a vampire.
788
00:45:25,215 --> 00:45:27,204
Sorry, sorry, I thought you
killed him 2 months ago.
789
00:45:27,205 --> 00:45:29,205
No, I didn't... no... he's a vampire.
790
00:45:29,225 --> 00:45:30,115
What do you mean?
791
00:45:30,215 --> 00:45:32,035
He jumped in front of your place.
792
00:45:33,415 --> 00:45:35,545
All I'm saying is that, um...
793
00:45:36,285 --> 00:45:37,974
You know if I had a penis,
I would have been...
794
00:45:37,975 --> 00:45:39,675
I would have been bitten years ago.
795
00:45:39,895 --> 00:45:41,525
I may have to penalize you.
796
00:45:43,095 --> 00:45:45,754
Perhaps another couple of years.
Perhaps 10 years.
797
00:45:45,835 --> 00:45:46,535
Hmm?
798
00:45:46,675 --> 00:45:49,165
Like one big circle,
just biting each others dicks.
799
00:45:49,315 --> 00:45:51,834
You know, they don't even wear shirts,
they wear blouses. It's, it's just...
800
00:45:51,835 --> 00:45:54,554
...a big homo-erotic dick biting club.
801
00:45:54,555 --> 00:45:57,895
And I'm stuck here,
ironing their fucking frills.
802
00:45:58,075 --> 00:45:59,655
Also clean the bathroom, please.
803
00:45:59,755 --> 00:46:02,015
There's blood everywhere.
It is gruesome.
804
00:46:02,714 --> 00:46:04,795
Okay. See you tomorrow.
805
00:46:09,555 --> 00:46:10,855
Off to bed please.
806
00:46:23,835 --> 00:46:25,635
Katherine.
807
00:46:26,215 --> 00:46:28,574
She was so charming and nice.
808
00:46:28,575 --> 00:46:30,575
She was everything I wanted.
809
00:46:30,704 --> 00:46:32,494
Unfortunately...
810
00:46:32,495 --> 00:46:34,495
...yeah, she was married.
811
00:46:34,694 --> 00:46:37,014
Sure, I wanted to kill the guy.
812
00:46:37,015 --> 00:46:39,335
I thought about, chopping his head off.
813
00:46:39,485 --> 00:46:42,915
Draining him of every
drop of blood that he had.
814
00:46:43,005 --> 00:46:44,275
Who wouldn't?
815
00:46:45,395 --> 00:46:48,845
But then, I also saw
how happy she was.
816
00:46:49,935 --> 00:46:52,415
And that made me kind of happy.
817
00:46:53,195 --> 00:46:55,965
And I didn't want to ruin it for her, so...
818
00:46:56,035 --> 00:46:59,165
I did the honorable thing and I just...
819
00:46:59,325 --> 00:47:00,745
...stepped back.
820
00:47:00,995 --> 00:47:03,015
And let her live her life.
821
00:47:28,445 --> 00:47:29,604
Petyr!
822
00:47:30,345 --> 00:47:31,214
Petyr!
823
00:47:31,215 --> 00:47:32,175
Where is it?
824
00:47:32,555 --> 00:47:33,295
Petyr!
825
00:47:33,415 --> 00:47:34,375
Petyr!
826
00:47:34,575 --> 00:47:35,395
Petyr!
827
00:47:37,725 --> 00:47:38,965
Get water!
828
00:47:39,725 --> 00:47:42,174
- Get out of the sunlight!
- Get water! Get water!
829
00:47:42,175 --> 00:47:44,504
Get water!
Petyr, get away from the sunlight!
830
00:47:44,505 --> 00:47:46,505
Get in the shadows, Petyr!
831
00:47:46,515 --> 00:47:48,045
Get out of the sunlight!
832
00:47:49,145 --> 00:47:50,895
Get out of my way!
833
00:47:51,695 --> 00:47:53,014
I'm going in!
834
00:47:53,015 --> 00:47:54,084
I'm coming Petyr!
835
00:47:54,085 --> 00:47:56,124
- Deacon, no, it's sunlight!
- I'm coming for you!
836
00:47:56,125 --> 00:47:58,235
It's sunlight out there!
837
00:47:58,255 --> 00:48:01,485
It's sunlight!
It's sunlight.
838
00:48:06,935 --> 00:48:08,645
I was too late.
839
00:48:17,485 --> 00:48:19,285
Turn that thing off.
840
00:48:20,215 --> 00:48:23,315
Our friend has just been killed
in a fatal sunlight accident.
841
00:48:38,375 --> 00:48:40,285
So this is what I think happened.
842
00:48:40,735 --> 00:48:42,544
The vampire hunter...
843
00:48:42,725 --> 00:48:44,635
...has broken through the window, here.
844
00:48:45,635 --> 00:48:49,105
Has impacted the table.
Breaking the table leg.
845
00:48:49,685 --> 00:48:51,415
Then he has come this way.
846
00:48:52,045 --> 00:48:53,985
Towards the tomb.
847
00:48:55,195 --> 00:48:55,985
Crucifix!
848
00:48:56,175 --> 00:48:57,825
Cover the crucifix!
849
00:49:00,735 --> 00:49:01,765
And then...
850
00:49:02,195 --> 00:49:04,485
...Petyr has burst from the tomb.
851
00:49:04,575 --> 00:49:07,655
Pushed the tomb lid
on to the vampire hunter.
852
00:49:07,945 --> 00:49:10,705
And then the sunlight
has come through here.
853
00:49:10,785 --> 00:49:12,514
And burned Petyr alive.
854
00:49:13,315 --> 00:49:15,475
I think this is just a table leg,
which is...
855
00:49:15,835 --> 00:49:16,694
...sanded down.
856
00:49:16,695 --> 00:49:18,695
- Do you think he hand sanded that, or?
- Yes.
857
00:49:18,815 --> 00:49:20,225
Imagine that, stuck in you...
858
00:49:21,395 --> 00:49:23,835
It's quite shocking down here, Nick.
859
00:49:23,885 --> 00:49:26,914
Look, here's our sweet Petyr.
860
00:49:26,915 --> 00:49:28,915
- Fuck!
- Burnt to a sizzle.
861
00:49:29,175 --> 00:49:31,934
- I can't figure out this.
- This is the vampire hunter.
862
00:49:31,935 --> 00:49:32,464
Is this his front?
863
00:49:32,465 --> 00:49:34,004
- Uh, who's this guy?
- Look at his...
864
00:49:34,005 --> 00:49:36,144
...bloody head, all back to front.
865
00:49:36,145 --> 00:49:38,145
Twist it the other way,
the other way!
866
00:49:38,315 --> 00:49:40,895
Let's see who this guy is.
867
00:49:41,915 --> 00:49:44,734
- Uh!, typical macho type.
- Yuck!
868
00:49:44,735 --> 00:49:45,675
It is.
869
00:49:45,795 --> 00:49:47,235
Oh, shit!
870
00:49:48,215 --> 00:49:49,225
I know that guy...
871
00:49:49,265 --> 00:49:51,154
- ...actually.
- You know him?
872
00:49:51,155 --> 00:49:52,635
- Yeah.
- What?
873
00:49:52,695 --> 00:49:54,375
I saw him the other night in town.
874
00:49:55,075 --> 00:49:56,344
Told him I was a vampire.
875
00:49:56,345 --> 00:49:56,825
What?
876
00:49:56,826 --> 00:49:59,103
I thought he was joking.
He said he was a vampire hunter.
877
00:49:59,115 --> 00:50:01,394
You let a vampire hunter into our house?
878
00:50:01,395 --> 00:50:03,510
I didn't let him in,
I just gave him my e-mail.
879
00:50:03,521 --> 00:50:04,225
Nick!
880
00:50:04,815 --> 00:50:06,205
I'll tear out your tongue...
881
00:50:06,225 --> 00:50:07,775
...and shove it down your ass.
882
00:50:10,165 --> 00:50:11,505
Fucking hell!
883
00:50:25,775 --> 00:50:28,005
You killed Petyr with your big mouth!
884
00:50:28,215 --> 00:50:29,615
It was a mistake!
885
00:50:31,215 --> 00:50:33,195
Get up and stand
on this ceiling like a man.
886
00:50:40,155 --> 00:50:41,485
We can talk about this, okay?
887
00:50:41,575 --> 00:50:42,364
We can talk about this!
888
00:50:42,365 --> 00:50:44,655
- I'll kill you!
- I'm already dead!
889
00:50:45,065 --> 00:50:46,785
Stu, stay back!
890
00:50:50,424 --> 00:50:52,965
Shh! Shh! Someone's at the door, shh!
891
00:50:53,015 --> 00:50:54,465
I'll go, I'll go..
892
00:51:01,735 --> 00:51:03,015
Oh shit.
893
00:51:04,955 --> 00:51:07,014
- Good evening, sir.
- Hello police.
894
00:51:07,015 --> 00:51:09,535
Hi, I'm constable O'Leary.
This is constable Minogue.
895
00:51:09,575 --> 00:51:13,155
We're just responding to a report
of a possible forced entry and also...
896
00:51:13,305 --> 00:51:15,074
...a rather large amount of shrieking.
897
00:51:15,075 --> 00:51:17,575
Just, um, wondering maybe we could come in
and just have a wee look around?
898
00:51:17,995 --> 00:51:19,075
Okay.
899
00:51:19,354 --> 00:51:21,575
What's with the fellow?
What's with the um, camera?
900
00:51:21,785 --> 00:51:24,004
Yeah, we're obviously just here
cause there was a phone call
901
00:51:24,005 --> 00:51:26,603
from the, a member of the public, um,
about a bit of disturbance.
902
00:51:26,635 --> 00:51:28,635
Um, some loud noises.
903
00:51:28,765 --> 00:51:30,724
- Possibly a forced entry, wasn't there?
- Mmm...
904
00:51:30,795 --> 00:51:32,735
And, also,
maybe a bit of smoke coming out, so...
905
00:51:32,835 --> 00:51:35,275
We're just checking over the scene.
Making sure every thing's, uh...
906
00:51:35,335 --> 00:51:37,354
You know, above board,
so to speak, and, uh...
907
00:51:37,415 --> 00:51:39,225
Making sure no-one's in danger,
that kind of thing.
908
00:51:39,295 --> 00:51:41,033
We might go up
and have a wee look up there,
909
00:51:41,044 --> 00:51:42,123
if that's alright with you?
910
00:51:42,595 --> 00:51:45,273
- Come on mate, you lead the way.
- Just uh... part of the job. Yep!
911
00:51:46,115 --> 00:51:47,135
Okay.
912
00:51:47,275 --> 00:51:49,195
- Smells a bit weird in here too, mate.
- Yeah.
913
00:51:49,235 --> 00:51:50,765
What do you call that?
914
00:51:52,505 --> 00:51:54,015
Barbecue.
915
00:51:56,985 --> 00:52:00,565
You will not notice anything
out of the ordinary.
916
00:52:01,035 --> 00:52:02,915
No, we certainly hope not.
Let's just...
917
00:52:02,955 --> 00:52:04,395
...lets just keep going.
918
00:52:04,415 --> 00:52:06,845
- Hi there guys. How are yah?
- Hello.
919
00:52:06,865 --> 00:52:07,865
Hey fellas.
920
00:52:07,935 --> 00:52:10,653
Um, is this the room where we've
heard all the shouting coming from?
921
00:52:10,655 --> 00:52:11,865
That was me.
922
00:52:11,985 --> 00:52:14,224
Yeah, okay,
we've had a couple reports, okay?
923
00:52:14,225 --> 00:52:15,496
There's a couple of people
not all that happy about
924
00:52:15,507 --> 00:52:16,745
- the level of the noise here.
- Okay.
925
00:52:16,875 --> 00:52:19,259
You can't be screaming when
there's this many people around mate.
926
00:52:19,270 --> 00:52:20,594
You've got neighbors
on either side.
927
00:52:20,595 --> 00:52:21,654
Feeling nervous.
928
00:52:21,655 --> 00:52:23,655
I've hypnotized those cops.
929
00:52:23,715 --> 00:52:27,085
I'm not a great hypnotizer
so it could wear off any second.
930
00:52:27,245 --> 00:52:29,735
I really hope that those guys
don't kill those police
931
00:52:29,795 --> 00:52:31,714
because then this means
more police will come.
932
00:52:31,715 --> 00:52:36,134
Possibly even Christians which is totally
the last things we need in this house.
933
00:52:36,135 --> 00:52:38,605
I can see you're having a good time.
End of the day...
934
00:52:38,785 --> 00:52:40,343
...we got to keep the, uh,
the peace, okay?
935
00:52:40,344 --> 00:52:41,715
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
936
00:52:42,645 --> 00:52:43,895
See what I'm seeing?
937
00:52:44,035 --> 00:52:45,185
What's that Minogue?
938
00:52:46,355 --> 00:52:47,665
You're joking?
939
00:52:48,895 --> 00:52:50,345
Not a smoke alarm in sight.
940
00:52:50,455 --> 00:52:51,755
No smoke detectors, mate?
941
00:52:52,175 --> 00:52:53,475
Rule number 1:
942
00:52:53,705 --> 00:52:55,075
Smoke detectors.
943
00:52:55,345 --> 00:52:55,935
Okay.
944
00:52:55,936 --> 00:52:58,375
Rule number 2:
maybe not so many barbeque's inside.
945
00:52:58,755 --> 00:52:59,955
- Sort it out fellas.
- Okay.
946
00:53:00,475 --> 00:53:02,834
Barbeque smells really
strong down here, isn't it?
947
00:53:02,835 --> 00:53:03,844
What kind of marinade?
948
00:53:03,845 --> 00:53:05,843
- What kind of marinade you use?
- Who is this guy?
949
00:53:06,055 --> 00:53:07,034
Um...
950
00:53:07,035 --> 00:53:09,954
It's a friend who came to our party.
951
00:53:09,955 --> 00:53:11,293
Mate, you alright?
952
00:53:11,294 --> 00:53:12,794
- He's drunk.
- That's what I thought.
953
00:53:12,795 --> 00:53:14,154
Drunk guy.
954
00:53:14,155 --> 00:53:16,433
Look, you can't just leave him down
here like that, okay?
955
00:53:16,545 --> 00:53:18,074
This guy's not having a good time.
956
00:53:18,075 --> 00:53:19,734
He's gonna feel terrible tomorrow morning.
957
00:53:19,735 --> 00:53:21,735
Well, his soul is in hell, so don't worry.
958
00:53:21,875 --> 00:53:23,284
Well, I don't know where his soul is,
959
00:53:23,295 --> 00:53:24,805
but all I am saying is,
where's his blanket?
960
00:53:24,975 --> 00:53:26,735
There's a big slab of concrete on him.
961
00:53:26,915 --> 00:53:27,718
- Yeah.
- You can move that.
962
00:53:27,729 --> 00:53:29,324
It's definitely not
going to be comfortable.
963
00:53:29,325 --> 00:53:31,563
- Anything else, in here Minogue?
- No, I've seen enough.
964
00:53:31,815 --> 00:53:32,945
- Okay.
- Hang on a minute.
965
00:53:33,645 --> 00:53:34,985
What have we got here?
966
00:53:36,815 --> 00:53:38,085
- Yeah, what is that?
- This?
967
00:53:38,395 --> 00:53:40,313
- Oh, this?
- You can see this clearly as I can.
968
00:53:40,545 --> 00:53:41,675
Adhesive, mate.
969
00:53:41,785 --> 00:53:43,214
That's a flammable.
970
00:53:43,395 --> 00:53:45,005
- And then you got a lamp on top of that.
- Gee...!
971
00:53:45,135 --> 00:53:46,935
Directly underneath the power source.
972
00:53:47,025 --> 00:53:49,213
- That is quite bad.
- It's very bad.
973
00:53:49,214 --> 00:53:50,955
- It's a very bad combination
- And no smoke detectors again are there?
974
00:53:51,005 --> 00:53:53,025
- No.
- Yes, there are.
975
00:53:53,065 --> 00:53:55,165
- Yes, there are.
- Okay, there are.
976
00:53:55,214 --> 00:53:56,534
Lots to think about guys.
977
00:53:56,535 --> 00:53:58,865
- Yeah, lots to think about there guys.
- Next flat-meeting, yeah.
978
00:53:58,955 --> 00:54:00,835
Yeah, good thinking,
that's the thing, just...
979
00:54:00,855 --> 00:54:03,025
- ...have a bit of dialogue about it.
- Okay.
980
00:54:03,244 --> 00:54:05,364
- They've got a really good point.
- Wait!
981
00:54:05,365 --> 00:54:06,565
Let's kill them.
982
00:54:06,865 --> 00:54:08,934
- No...
- Well, let's just see what other safety...
983
00:54:08,935 --> 00:54:11,204
...points they have and then maybe we can.
984
00:54:20,255 --> 00:54:22,155
I call into session,
985
00:54:22,275 --> 00:54:23,735
this trial of Nick,
986
00:54:23,875 --> 00:54:25,155
of Wellington.
987
00:54:30,265 --> 00:54:31,985
Read the charges.
988
00:54:32,445 --> 00:54:34,305
Problems we have with Nick.
989
00:54:35,335 --> 00:54:36,575
Number 1:
990
00:54:36,845 --> 00:54:38,765
You brought a human into our house.
991
00:54:38,865 --> 00:54:40,660
Which is a big no-no
in the vampire world.
992
00:54:40,671 --> 00:54:41,995
Stu is, Stu is okay though?
993
00:54:42,005 --> 00:54:44,254
Yeah, Stu is fine, so I guess we'll just...
994
00:54:44,255 --> 00:54:45,755
...cross that one out.
995
00:54:46,164 --> 00:54:47,055
Uh...
996
00:54:50,735 --> 00:54:52,425
- Thank you Stu.
- Thank you Stu.
997
00:54:52,445 --> 00:54:53,225
So...
998
00:54:53,415 --> 00:54:54,755
The new number 1:
999
00:54:54,855 --> 00:54:57,735
Nick's been telling people he's a vampire.
1000
00:54:57,885 --> 00:55:00,685
That in turn resulted in...
1001
00:55:00,935 --> 00:55:04,194
an unwanted visit from a vampire hunter.
1002
00:55:04,225 --> 00:55:05,774
Crime number 2:
1003
00:55:05,775 --> 00:55:07,775
This is quite a biggie, Nick.
1004
00:55:08,065 --> 00:55:10,675
The vampire hunter who killed Petyr.
1005
00:55:11,705 --> 00:55:14,954
That's... that actually should've...
that should have been crime number one
1006
00:55:14,955 --> 00:55:16,955
but we wanted to build up to that.
1007
00:55:16,975 --> 00:55:18,235
Number 3:
1008
00:55:18,295 --> 00:55:21,885
Deacon doesn't like that you
wear the same jackets as him.
1009
00:55:22,045 --> 00:55:25,235
And he would like you to find
your own original style.
1010
00:55:26,025 --> 00:55:28,044
For these crimes of which
1011
00:55:28,045 --> 00:55:31,445
we the vampire council find you guilty...
1012
00:55:31,595 --> 00:55:33,775
...you should be banished from our flat...
1013
00:55:33,965 --> 00:55:35,335
...indefinitely.
1014
00:55:35,585 --> 00:55:37,424
- Indefinitely.
- Indefinitely.
1015
00:55:37,425 --> 00:55:38,375
So I can come back?
1016
00:55:38,495 --> 00:55:39,345
One day?
1017
00:55:39,356 --> 00:55:41,905
No, no,
indefinitely means, there is no end.
1018
00:55:42,045 --> 00:55:43,153
I thought there was like...
1019
00:55:43,154 --> 00:55:45,984
No, indefinite means
that it's not a definite thing.
1020
00:55:45,985 --> 00:55:47,545
- It can be changed
- Yeah, but it's long.
1021
00:55:47,575 --> 00:55:49,055
Could be tomorrow, it could be 6 months.
1022
00:55:49,075 --> 00:55:50,824
- No! No, it is not tomorrow!
- It cannot be tomorrow!
1023
00:55:50,825 --> 00:55:52,435
- Forget about it, at least 6 moths.
- Banished!
1024
00:55:52,465 --> 00:55:53,354
You are banished.
1025
00:55:53,355 --> 00:55:55,594
But Stu, you can visit if you like.
1026
00:55:55,595 --> 00:55:56,695
Thank you.
1027
00:55:57,375 --> 00:55:58,905
For your crimes...
1028
00:55:59,235 --> 00:56:01,015
...you will be made to suffer...
1029
00:56:01,255 --> 00:56:02,524
...the procession...
1030
00:56:02,525 --> 00:56:03,625
...of shame.
1031
00:56:03,795 --> 00:56:06,895
I asked them Nick,
I asked them not to pass that sentence.
1032
00:56:06,905 --> 00:56:08,454
We should do this immediately.
1033
00:56:08,455 --> 00:56:10,455
- In my opinion.
- You didn't ask.
1034
00:56:10,715 --> 00:56:12,735
You didn't ask. You were saying yes.
1035
00:56:16,515 --> 00:56:18,214
- I did...
- Well, this is what's going to happen.
1036
00:56:18,215 --> 00:56:20,215
I still think it's quite extreme.
1037
00:56:20,995 --> 00:56:23,415
Let us do the procession of shame.
1038
00:56:23,585 --> 00:56:24,405
Now.
1039
00:56:26,825 --> 00:56:27,574
- Shame.
- Shame!
1040
00:56:27,575 --> 00:56:29,894
Shame. Shame. Shame!
1041
00:56:29,895 --> 00:56:30,775
Shame!
1042
00:56:30,885 --> 00:56:32,164
- Shame.
- Bad vampire!
1043
00:56:32,165 --> 00:56:33,145
Shame.
1044
00:56:34,755 --> 00:56:35,975
Should we go Stu?
1045
00:56:41,315 --> 00:56:42,815
Bye Stu.
1046
00:56:59,315 --> 00:57:00,755
That was a shame.
1047
00:57:24,645 --> 00:57:27,775
So today we have, an invitation.
1048
00:57:28,325 --> 00:57:30,854
To the big event of the year.
1049
00:57:30,855 --> 00:57:32,855
Breaking it open.
1050
00:57:33,275 --> 00:57:34,983
They have burnt the edges...
1051
00:57:34,984 --> 00:57:38,295
- ...like a treasure map or something.
- It looks very authentic, doesn't it?
1052
00:57:38,915 --> 00:57:40,485
'Dearly departed...'
1053
00:57:40,835 --> 00:57:42,075
That's us.
1054
00:57:42,705 --> 00:57:46,144
'The Wellington Vampire Association
in conjunction with the
1055
00:57:46,145 --> 00:57:48,144
Lower Hut Vampire Witch Club
1056
00:57:48,145 --> 00:57:51,164
and the Kuori Zombie Society...
1057
00:57:51,165 --> 00:57:57,885
invite you to attend The Unholy Masquerade
on the night of the 6th of June...
1058
00:57:58,145 --> 00:58:01,135
...starting at 6 PM.'
1059
00:58:02,265 --> 00:58:04,474
- 666...
- Oh, yeah...
1060
00:58:04,475 --> 00:58:06,974
The Unholy Masquerade
of course is great time
1061
00:58:06,985 --> 00:58:09,095
for the undead community
of Wellington.
1062
00:58:09,105 --> 00:58:15,245
There's zombies there. Vampires,
banshees, all having a dance together.
1063
00:58:15,375 --> 00:58:16,964
It's always a big deal for me.
1064
00:58:17,445 --> 00:58:18,194
Love it.
1065
00:58:18,195 --> 00:58:21,755
One year I went to
The Unholy Masquerade dressed as
1066
00:58:21,775 --> 00:58:25,335
Whoopi Goldberg from uh, Sister Act...
1067
00:58:25,505 --> 00:58:28,435
...1 and Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit.
1068
00:58:28,575 --> 00:58:31,944
Didn't go down so well because
she was a nun.
1069
00:58:33,415 --> 00:58:35,455
Vampires don't like nuns.
1070
00:58:35,675 --> 00:58:38,344
Of course the big deal of
The Unholy Masquerade
1071
00:58:38,345 --> 00:58:41,074
is that every year they
announce the guest of honor.
1072
00:58:41,075 --> 00:58:43,074
And... um...
1073
00:58:43,075 --> 00:58:45,515
I don't know if I
should be saying this but...
1074
00:58:46,235 --> 00:58:47,784
I heard a little rumor
1075
00:58:47,785 --> 00:58:50,825
that the guest of honor this year...
1076
00:58:51,815 --> 00:58:53,745
...might be me.
1077
00:58:54,175 --> 00:58:55,645
The location...
1078
00:58:55,954 --> 00:58:58,245
- Oh, yeah, where is it?
- Where's the location?
1079
00:58:58,265 --> 00:58:59,625
Cathedral of Despair.
1080
00:58:59,655 --> 00:59:02,035
And the guest of honor will be...
1081
00:59:05,505 --> 00:59:07,455
Who is it? Show me.
1082
00:59:14,075 --> 00:59:14,914
Hmm.
1083
00:59:16,395 --> 00:59:17,565
Okay.
1084
00:59:18,275 --> 00:59:19,225
Okay.
1085
00:59:20,015 --> 00:59:23,155
- Okay. Okay, that's fine. That's fine.
- Okay?
1086
00:59:29,595 --> 00:59:30,625
Vladislav...
1087
00:59:30,934 --> 00:59:32,674
...has...
1088
00:59:32,675 --> 00:59:37,814
...just had a reaction to the information
that the guest of honor will be...
1089
00:59:37,815 --> 00:59:40,055
...um... The Beast.
1090
00:59:43,215 --> 00:59:45,654
The darkest part of my mind
1091
00:59:45,655 --> 00:59:47,654
is reserved to The Beast.
1092
00:59:47,655 --> 00:59:49,654
We could tell you a thing
or two about The Beast.
1093
00:59:49,655 --> 00:59:52,564
You should pray that you
never have to see The Beast.
1094
00:59:52,565 --> 00:59:54,364
This one is called The Beast.
1095
00:59:54,365 --> 00:59:57,454
And I said,
'Get you hands off my balls, Beast!'
1096
00:59:57,455 --> 00:59:59,934
He may have told you
some stories about his
1097
00:59:59,935 --> 01:00:01,863
great battle with The Beast.
1098
01:00:01,864 --> 01:00:04,055
Yeah, oh,
'I fought The Beast on a cliff.'
1099
01:00:04,145 --> 01:00:06,715
Oh... 'I fought The Beast in a swamp.'
1100
01:00:07,115 --> 01:00:10,915
'One time I fought The Beast
in the toilets of a night club.'
1101
01:00:11,475 --> 01:00:12,893
Difficult battle.
1102
01:00:12,894 --> 01:00:15,685
I hope you never see The Beast.
1103
01:00:16,725 --> 01:00:18,565
The Beast.
1104
01:00:27,555 --> 01:00:29,535
You can't go to the the ball as Blade.
1105
01:00:29,585 --> 01:00:30,795
He's a vampire hunter.
1106
01:00:30,864 --> 01:00:33,314
Yeah, but vampires love Wesley Snipes.
1107
01:00:33,315 --> 01:00:34,915
No, it's inappropriate.
1108
01:00:34,965 --> 01:00:36,984
Okay, Vlad? The Green Jaunters,
1109
01:00:36,985 --> 01:00:39,155
or the black leather with the dragon belt?
1110
01:00:39,185 --> 01:00:40,238
Just wear the pants you want to wear...
1111
01:00:40,249 --> 01:00:42,185
- We're having a mild crisis here.
- which pants do you want to wear?
1112
01:00:42,285 --> 01:00:44,714
Just look at the pants Vlad!
Turn around & look at the pants!
1113
01:00:44,715 --> 01:00:45,714
They're just pants!
1114
01:00:45,715 --> 01:00:47,505
- Shit, man!
- Holy shit!
1115
01:00:47,945 --> 01:00:49,255
Oh, you look terrible.
1116
01:00:49,395 --> 01:00:50,784
The black pants.
1117
01:00:50,865 --> 01:00:52,314
Thank you. Get dressed!
1118
01:00:52,315 --> 01:00:54,595
I don't know if I feel up to it, really.
1119
01:00:54,615 --> 01:00:57,783
You don't look that great but
if you eat someone on the way...
1120
01:00:57,784 --> 01:00:58,799
and rejuvenate a little bit?
1121
01:00:58,810 --> 01:01:00,530
You could probably
wear a mask or something.
1122
01:01:00,575 --> 01:01:03,995
Just leave me
to do my dark bidding on the Internet!
1123
01:01:04,065 --> 01:01:05,215
What are you biding on?
1124
01:01:05,605 --> 01:01:07,484
I'm bidding on a table.
1125
01:01:07,485 --> 01:01:09,485
- Are you coming or not?
- Not.
1126
01:01:09,615 --> 01:01:11,865
I'm gonna go change.
We're leaving in 10 minutes.
1127
01:01:12,035 --> 01:01:13,975
Have a good time!
1128
01:01:30,555 --> 01:01:34,645
We, we tend often, you know...
without giving into that kind of...
1129
01:01:34,784 --> 01:01:37,424
stuff which I'm really sick
of that but you know...
1130
01:01:37,425 --> 01:01:39,865
It just that,
it's harder for us to chase...
1131
01:01:39,935 --> 01:01:41,364
chase people down.
1132
01:01:41,365 --> 01:01:43,864
Can I, Can I introduce um...
1133
01:01:43,865 --> 01:01:46,844
- Gary... Gary and Alisha.
- Hi, how are you?
1134
01:01:46,845 --> 01:01:47,815
Hi.
1135
01:01:47,975 --> 01:01:51,705
- Hi.
- Less groaning, less groaning guys.
1136
01:01:53,095 --> 01:01:55,415
So we are at The Unholy Masquerade.
1137
01:01:55,675 --> 01:01:56,825
It's great.
1138
01:01:57,125 --> 01:01:58,535
This is my mask.
1139
01:01:59,255 --> 01:02:01,205
Which I made for the occasion.
1140
01:02:01,955 --> 01:02:03,265
Hey!
1141
01:02:03,565 --> 01:02:05,814
- Jackie.
- Yeah!
1142
01:02:05,815 --> 01:02:08,034
- This is undead party.
- Yeah, I'm a vampire.
1143
01:02:08,035 --> 01:02:08,914
You have your?..
1144
01:02:08,915 --> 01:02:10,295
I'm a vampire. I'm a vampire!
1145
01:02:11,675 --> 01:02:12,694
- Great.
- Yeah, yeah.
1146
01:02:12,695 --> 01:02:15,085
- So, um, who bit you?
- Oh, Nick.
1147
01:02:15,675 --> 01:02:17,234
- Oh great.
- Yeah. - Right
1148
01:02:17,235 --> 01:02:18,195
Okay.
1149
01:02:18,295 --> 01:02:19,395
Deacon!
1150
01:02:21,915 --> 01:02:24,375
Pretty rude, because she was my...
1151
01:02:24,675 --> 01:02:25,365
...servant.
1152
01:02:25,366 --> 01:02:27,334
She was a pretty useless servant.
1153
01:02:27,335 --> 01:02:29,904
- I wouldn't-- worry about that.
- Yeah, yeah, but still, I would've been...
1154
01:02:29,905 --> 01:02:31,654
...appreciated if you'd asked...
1155
01:02:31,655 --> 01:02:32,945
How's Stu?
1156
01:02:33,015 --> 01:02:34,414
- He's good, he's there.
1157
01:02:34,415 --> 01:02:36,415
- Oh, he's here?
- Stu! STU!
1158
01:02:37,565 --> 01:02:38,764
Hey, hey!..how are you?
1159
01:02:38,765 --> 01:02:40,005
Hey!
1160
01:02:41,475 --> 01:02:44,545
Has anyone looked at you
like they want to eat you, at all?
1161
01:02:44,755 --> 01:02:46,364
Ah, no...
1162
01:02:46,365 --> 01:02:48,365
Can you hear me at the back?
1163
01:02:48,405 --> 01:02:51,425
On behalf of the
Wellington Vampire Society...
1164
01:02:51,745 --> 01:02:55,693
...uh,
the Lower Hut Vampire and Witch Club.
1165
01:02:55,694 --> 01:03:00,425
And the Kurory Zombie society,
we welcome you here tonight.
1166
01:03:00,595 --> 01:03:03,793
And we're raffling a
live meat pack this year, and, um,
1167
01:03:03,804 --> 01:03:06,545
you can inspect the prize
over here to my left.
1168
01:03:06,654 --> 01:03:07,994
It's a wonderful prize.
1169
01:03:07,995 --> 01:03:12,565
Tickets are only 10 dollars each or
45 dollars for a book of five.
1170
01:03:12,905 --> 01:03:16,475
Now without further adieu,
it's my very great pleasure
1171
01:03:16,565 --> 01:03:19,965
to introduce to you
this years guest of honor.
1172
01:03:20,085 --> 01:03:22,475
Pauline Ivanovich!
1173
01:03:24,065 --> 01:03:25,265
Thank you.
1174
01:03:28,415 --> 01:03:29,874
That's The Beast.
1175
01:03:29,875 --> 01:03:30,715
Thank you.
1176
01:03:30,745 --> 01:03:35,105
The Beast is, uh, the name
I gave to my ex-girlfriend Pauline.
1177
01:03:35,255 --> 01:03:37,145
She prefers Pauline.
1178
01:03:37,255 --> 01:03:40,154
We had a very intense relationship.
1179
01:03:40,155 --> 01:03:41,215
We were very...
1180
01:03:41,535 --> 01:03:43,664
...sexually explosive.
1181
01:03:43,835 --> 01:03:49,004
Last time I saw her, she impaled me and
called me an asshole.
1182
01:03:49,005 --> 01:03:50,075
She said...
1183
01:03:50,385 --> 01:03:53,015
...all kinds of things that really hurt me.
1184
01:03:53,215 --> 01:03:56,835
And all this
while I was impaled on a lamp post.
1185
01:03:57,115 --> 01:04:00,345
Well, everyone,
I will be mingling around
1186
01:04:00,356 --> 01:04:02,355
and I really hope that...
1187
01:04:02,905 --> 01:04:05,035
...I will meet...
1188
01:04:05,495 --> 01:04:07,105
...all of you.
1189
01:04:22,815 --> 01:04:23,814
Hello.
1190
01:04:23,815 --> 01:04:25,235
That's the new guy.
1191
01:04:25,875 --> 01:04:28,995
I don't know what, what kind
of vampire he is... if he is a vampire.
1192
01:04:29,006 --> 01:04:30,045
Did you see his face?
1193
01:04:31,614 --> 01:04:33,145
Oh... oh.
1194
01:04:34,075 --> 01:04:36,264
- Hello!
- Hi, how are you?
1195
01:04:36,265 --> 01:04:38,524
- This is Deacon.
- Hello Deacon.
1196
01:04:38,525 --> 01:04:40,525
- This is Stu.
- Good day Stu.
1197
01:04:40,624 --> 01:04:41,934
- How are you my friend?
- Good.
1198
01:04:41,935 --> 01:04:42,915
Hi. Stu.
1199
01:04:43,055 --> 01:04:45,225
You got really warm hands Stu.
1200
01:04:45,365 --> 01:04:47,055
You a demon?
1201
01:04:47,295 --> 01:04:50,294
- No, he's not a demon!
- I'm a software analyst, I work...
1202
01:04:50,295 --> 01:04:53,014
- Stu, Stu, Stu...
- A male witch, you're a male witch?
1203
01:04:53,015 --> 01:04:55,074
Stu, you should go dance, uh, with anyone.
1204
01:04:55,075 --> 01:04:56,754
- Sure.
- Okay, take your time.
1205
01:04:56,755 --> 01:05:01,574
I like Stu. He's not vampire,
so he's what, zombie or...?
1206
01:05:01,655 --> 01:05:03,144
- A male witch?
- He's not...
1207
01:05:03,145 --> 01:05:06,845
He not uh... he's neither,
he's uh... more of a human.
1208
01:05:08,665 --> 01:05:11,265
Excuse me, excuse me.
Hi, Nick, hey.
1209
01:05:11,335 --> 01:05:12,955
Um, Nick...
1210
01:05:13,375 --> 01:05:16,533
Do you mind if Stu is killed?
1211
01:05:16,534 --> 01:05:18,344
Uh, I don't feel that good about it.
1212
01:05:18,345 --> 01:05:22,794
Can I, can I just ask you, you know, a...
1213
01:05:22,795 --> 01:05:24,294
- ...a personal question?
- Sure.
1214
01:05:24,295 --> 01:05:27,585
Are you, um...
1215
01:05:28,845 --> 01:05:31,835
...are you, are you,
are you pre-deceased?
1216
01:05:32,455 --> 01:05:34,155
Uh...
1217
01:05:35,065 --> 01:05:36,894
If anyone's gonna eat him
it's gonna be us
1218
01:05:36,905 --> 01:05:38,155
but we're not, we're past that.
1219
01:05:38,255 --> 01:05:39,814
They can just go fuck themselves.
1220
01:05:39,815 --> 01:05:41,354
Nick! It is your fault.
1221
01:05:41,355 --> 01:05:45,384
Okay? You brought a human
into this den of vampress nest.
1222
01:05:45,385 --> 01:05:47,084
- You're not helping.
- Yes, you did.
1223
01:05:47,085 --> 01:05:47,963
Plus one.
1224
01:05:47,974 --> 01:05:49,696
Lovely talking to you,
I've got to shoot off now.
1225
01:05:49,795 --> 01:05:51,145
See you later on.
1226
01:05:56,115 --> 01:05:59,374
As soon as one vampire takes a bite,
it's a frenzy!
1227
01:05:59,375 --> 01:06:00,604
- A frenzy!
- Okay, we've got to get him out.
1228
01:06:00,605 --> 01:06:02,544
Okay, follow me, follow me.
1229
01:06:02,575 --> 01:06:05,215
Excuse me, sorry guys.
1230
01:06:05,474 --> 01:06:06,533
Okay, Stu.
1231
01:06:06,534 --> 01:06:08,905
Put that over your red face.
1232
01:06:09,235 --> 01:06:11,174
- Just going out for a cigarette.
- Oh, hey!
1233
01:06:11,175 --> 01:06:13,174
- Okay, not that way.
- This way.
1234
01:06:13,175 --> 01:06:15,175
- This way.
- Is there another way?
1235
01:06:17,255 --> 01:06:19,644
- Back away from the vampires.
- Guys...
1236
01:06:19,645 --> 01:06:20,874
Excuse me everyone!
1237
01:06:20,875 --> 01:06:23,155
Can I have your attention please.
1238
01:06:23,965 --> 01:06:28,894
Some of the vampires forget
Unholy Masquerade rules.
1239
01:06:28,895 --> 01:06:30,895
They brought a human.
1240
01:06:31,375 --> 01:06:36,145
And they don't let us to feast on him.
1241
01:06:37,494 --> 01:06:39,483
This was a total misunderstanding.
1242
01:06:39,484 --> 01:06:42,964
There was on the invitation,
and this actually pertains to you...
1243
01:06:42,965 --> 01:06:44,654
...the invitation, it said,
1244
01:06:44,655 --> 01:06:47,014
- plus one, but it did not specify...
- Okay.
1245
01:06:47,015 --> 01:06:48,794
- Hey mate, look...
- If it could be a human or
1246
01:06:48,795 --> 01:06:50,024
if it could be werewolf or...
1247
01:06:50,025 --> 01:06:52,624
Yeah, but he could be
a vampire hunter for all we know.
1248
01:06:52,625 --> 01:06:55,634
He could texting his mates, saying,
'I've got them all in the one place,
1249
01:06:55,635 --> 01:06:57,845
...come on over,
we'll have a vampire barbecue!'
1250
01:06:58,115 --> 01:06:59,775
Well, he's not, he's not doing that.
1251
01:07:00,075 --> 01:07:01,234
How do we know that?
1252
01:07:01,235 --> 01:07:02,824
He's wearing a bow-tie, look at him!
1253
01:07:02,825 --> 01:07:04,014
Stu, tell them what you do.
1254
01:07:04,015 --> 01:07:06,453
Come on Stu!
Tell us what you do. Come on.
1255
01:07:06,454 --> 01:07:07,825
Tell them what you do, Stu.
1256
01:07:08,015 --> 01:07:10,084
- Hi, my name is Stu uh...
- Don't fuck it up, man.
1257
01:07:10,085 --> 01:07:11,184
- I can't hear Stu.
- Louder, louder!
1258
01:07:11,185 --> 01:07:13,514
Hi, my name is Stu, uh, I work in...
1259
01:07:13,515 --> 01:07:14,413
- I can't hear...
- Louder.
1260
01:07:14,414 --> 01:07:16,185
Stu they can't hear, they cannot hear you.
1261
01:07:16,235 --> 01:07:18,407
Hi, my name is Stu.
I'm a software analyst.
1262
01:07:18,418 --> 01:07:21,085
I work for a
geographic information systems company.
1263
01:07:21,115 --> 01:07:22,545
- Uh...
- Sorry, what is it?
1264
01:07:22,685 --> 01:07:24,754
I work for a company that does um...
1265
01:07:24,755 --> 01:07:28,264
...basically we take like business
requirements from organizations...
1266
01:07:28,265 --> 01:07:32,275
...and we analyze those requirements and
then we build software...
1267
01:07:32,315 --> 01:07:33,495
...to fit those requirements.
1268
01:07:33,885 --> 01:07:36,154
He is a virgin. He is a virgin!
1269
01:07:36,155 --> 01:07:39,255
- I can smell a virgin at a thousand paces.
- Go on then.
1270
01:07:39,535 --> 01:07:42,565
Go a thousand paces away
and smell yourselves!
1271
01:07:42,595 --> 01:07:44,404
I can't wait anymore.
1272
01:07:57,295 --> 01:08:00,174
There shall be no eating of the human.
1273
01:08:00,175 --> 01:08:01,754
Who are you all of a sudden?
1274
01:08:01,755 --> 01:08:04,695
You have forgotten your former lover.
1275
01:08:04,745 --> 01:08:06,364
So quickly.
1276
01:08:09,495 --> 01:08:10,775
Georgie?
1277
01:08:11,575 --> 01:08:12,774
No, not...
1278
01:08:12,775 --> 01:08:15,584
...Georgie, like, 5-years after him.
1279
01:08:15,585 --> 01:08:16,505
No.
1280
01:08:16,805 --> 01:08:18,275
Wait a minute.
1281
01:08:18,374 --> 01:08:19,975
Just one moment.
1282
01:08:20,075 --> 01:08:21,015
No...
1283
01:08:21,404 --> 01:08:23,825
No, I've got it,
that's got it, take it away...
1284
01:08:26,895 --> 01:08:28,393
Hello Beast.
1285
01:08:28,394 --> 01:08:29,714
Hello asshole.
1286
01:08:29,715 --> 01:08:32,884
- Hey, don't call me asshole!
- Don't call me...
1287
01:08:32,885 --> 01:08:35,235
- ...Beast. This is Vladislav.
- This is absolutely the same.
1288
01:08:35,246 --> 01:08:36,174
This is my ex-boyfriend.
1289
01:08:36,175 --> 01:08:39,424
- You know, the one who fucked the police--
- Alright, that's old business, that's...
1290
01:08:39,425 --> 01:08:40,414
- old business, that's personal business.
- Yeah.
1291
01:08:40,415 --> 01:08:42,654
- Nice to meet you asshole.
- This is my lover.
1292
01:08:42,655 --> 01:08:45,054
You will not feast on the blood
of the human known as Stu.
1293
01:08:45,055 --> 01:08:47,594
Listen asshole, this is a human and
1294
01:08:47,595 --> 01:08:49,734
this is the rules and
what is cameras doing here?
1295
01:08:49,735 --> 01:08:51,934
One, and then another one,
what is this?
1296
01:08:51,935 --> 01:08:53,734
They're making a documentary on...
1297
01:08:53,735 --> 01:08:55,343
This is a private secret society mate,
1298
01:08:55,344 --> 01:08:57,594
you don't go bringing your
bloody cameras into everything.
1299
01:08:57,595 --> 01:09:00,404
You will not eat Stu and
you will not eat the camera guy.
1300
01:09:00,405 --> 01:09:01,293
Maybe one camera guy...
1301
01:09:01,304 --> 01:09:03,303
I'm up to bloody here,
with you at the moment.
1302
01:09:03,304 --> 01:09:05,784
And all your mates behind there,
whoever the hell they are.
1303
01:09:05,785 --> 01:09:07,474
We're gonna eat the human being.
1304
01:09:07,475 --> 01:09:09,343
And there's nothing
you can do about it, alright?
1305
01:09:09,344 --> 01:09:10,353
Now back off!
1306
01:09:10,354 --> 01:09:11,974
And let my missus get her way.
1307
01:09:11,975 --> 01:09:13,734
Oh, there's nothing I can do about it?
1308
01:09:13,735 --> 01:09:15,715
- That's right.
- Well, what about this?
1309
01:09:16,865 --> 01:09:19,385
Diego, rip his head off.
1310
01:09:19,655 --> 01:09:20,955
What do you want?!
1311
01:09:21,365 --> 01:09:23,055
Vampire fight!
1312
01:09:23,785 --> 01:09:25,175
Get him Vladislav!
1313
01:09:38,615 --> 01:09:40,474
Rip his head off!
1314
01:09:40,475 --> 01:09:41,634
He's killing him!
1315
01:09:41,635 --> 01:09:44,134
It is forbidden for vampires...
1316
01:09:44,135 --> 01:09:45,715
...to kill a vampire.
1317
01:09:48,244 --> 01:09:50,394
- What the f...
- Bloody Hell!
1318
01:09:51,735 --> 01:09:53,175
What?
1319
01:09:53,945 --> 01:09:56,695
Are you okay, love?
Get out!
1320
01:09:57,045 --> 01:09:58,935
We should probably go Stu.
1321
01:09:59,865 --> 01:10:01,634
It was great to see you,
1322
01:10:01,635 --> 01:10:03,635
- Pauline.
- Asshole!
1323
01:10:03,645 --> 01:10:04,495
Bastard!
1324
01:10:05,895 --> 01:10:08,024
- That was very... how we both...
- He's a murderer!
1325
01:10:08,025 --> 01:10:11,634
We both, together,
equally destroyed that guy!
1326
01:10:11,635 --> 01:10:14,253
Yeah, but it was more Stu
with the giant stick!
1327
01:10:14,254 --> 01:10:17,135
I hope this doesn't make this awkward
for you and The Beast.
1328
01:10:17,585 --> 01:10:20,375
No,
I think it's opened up new possibilities.
1329
01:10:20,485 --> 01:10:22,175
Oh, no.
1330
01:10:22,535 --> 01:10:24,894
- Here we go again.
- Here we go again
1331
01:10:24,895 --> 01:10:26,894
Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu!
1332
01:10:26,895 --> 01:10:28,954
Stu, Stu, Stu!
1333
01:10:28,955 --> 01:10:31,233
Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu...
1334
01:10:31,234 --> 01:10:34,223
- Stu! Stu!
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, stop!
1335
01:10:34,224 --> 01:10:35,525
Listen, listen!
1336
01:10:35,965 --> 01:10:37,165
You smell that?
1337
01:10:38,615 --> 01:10:40,035
This way.
1338
01:10:41,505 --> 01:10:42,765
Werewolves.
1339
01:10:43,415 --> 01:10:46,115
- Oh, no.
- Look what the cat dragged in, huh?
1340
01:10:46,175 --> 01:10:48,794
- Piss off!
- Keep walking. Don't hassle us tonight.
1341
01:10:48,795 --> 01:10:50,795
There has been no hassle here.
1342
01:10:50,885 --> 01:10:52,464
Well, let it stay that way.
1343
01:10:52,465 --> 01:10:54,065
Keep chaining yourselves up!
1344
01:10:54,315 --> 01:10:56,064
Guys, where's your tracksuit pants?
1345
01:10:56,065 --> 01:10:57,654
It was washing night.
1346
01:10:57,655 --> 01:10:59,974
My missus couldn't wash them cause
there was too much blood on them, so...
1347
01:10:59,975 --> 01:11:02,374
When your legs expand
they grow into the track suit.
1348
01:11:02,375 --> 01:11:04,784
- Oh!
- Those jeans are gonna rip completely!
1349
01:11:04,785 --> 01:11:06,505
You've lost all those trousers, guys?
1350
01:11:06,645 --> 01:11:08,724
Declan, that tree's far too thin!
1351
01:11:08,725 --> 01:11:10,064
Look at it! It's like a branch!
1352
01:11:10,065 --> 01:11:12,444
You know how big you get
when you transform!
1353
01:11:12,445 --> 01:11:14,445
That's the wrong tree for you.
1354
01:11:14,955 --> 01:11:16,014
Anton, I've...
1355
01:11:16,015 --> 01:11:18,235
Oh, no, you've forgotten the combination.
1356
01:11:18,605 --> 01:11:20,324
Why did you get a combination lock?
1357
01:11:20,325 --> 01:11:21,735
I lost my key last time.
1358
01:11:21,845 --> 01:11:24,624
Okay, well, it's probably 4 zeros,
that's the factory setting, is it?
1359
01:11:24,625 --> 01:11:26,354
- Fuck off to a tree.
- Hey!
1360
01:11:26,355 --> 01:11:27,964
Hey!, werewolves, not swearwolves.
1361
01:11:27,965 --> 01:11:29,964
Yeah, I know,
well on transformation nights,
1362
01:11:29,965 --> 01:11:31,965
it's alright, alright?
I'm getting stressed out.
1363
01:11:32,095 --> 01:11:33,334
I was just reminding you.
1364
01:11:33,335 --> 01:11:35,994
Stop talking
and chain yourself up you dickhead!
1365
01:11:35,995 --> 01:11:37,395
Honestly, we're transforming.
1366
01:11:37,435 --> 01:11:38,754
Alright, we'll keep walking.
1367
01:11:38,755 --> 01:11:40,742
Yeah, keep walking.
By the way I find that offensive!
1368
01:11:40,753 --> 01:11:41,635
We'll keep walking.
1369
01:11:41,765 --> 01:11:42,765
Is that fur?
1370
01:11:42,795 --> 01:11:44,154
Oh, for crying out loud.
1371
01:11:44,325 --> 01:11:47,264
Don't look at the fur everyone.
Get back to your trees, okay?
1372
01:11:47,265 --> 01:11:48,924
- That's disgusting, man...
- You're wearing fur.
1373
01:11:48,925 --> 01:11:50,153
Declan!
1374
01:11:50,154 --> 01:11:51,615
- That's not real fur.
- Oh, shit!
1375
01:11:53,855 --> 01:11:56,224
Honestly, get out of here.
Take your humans!
1376
01:11:56,225 --> 01:11:58,225
That guy in the bow-tie,
he's gonna go first!
1377
01:11:58,715 --> 01:12:01,112
- C'mon, we've gotta take Stu home.
- Get out of here, quick!
1378
01:12:01,335 --> 01:12:04,016
Take all your clothes off that
you want to keep everyone!
1379
01:12:04,114 --> 01:12:07,955
Get that army service jacket off,
you've only just bought that Nathan,
1380
01:12:09,405 --> 01:12:11,354
Get that camera out of my face!
1381
01:12:11,355 --> 01:12:13,355
Go, go, go!
Let's go, let's go. Come on!
1382
01:12:15,055 --> 01:12:16,455
Run Stu, run!
1383
01:12:19,205 --> 01:12:20,735
Let's go, let's go!
1384
01:12:26,015 --> 01:12:27,855
- Run Stu, they're coming!
- Shit!
1385
01:12:28,215 --> 01:12:29,555
I got one!
1386
01:12:47,535 --> 01:12:49,425
My leg! My leg!
1387
01:12:54,415 --> 01:12:55,565
Oh God!
1388
01:12:56,054 --> 01:12:57,984
Stu! Stu!
1389
01:12:57,985 --> 01:12:59,074
Stu!
1390
01:13:03,705 --> 01:13:04,575
Stu!
1391
01:13:06,035 --> 01:13:07,395
Get off me!
1392
01:13:08,635 --> 01:13:10,295
Stu, are you alright?
1393
01:13:11,165 --> 01:13:12,175
Stu?
1394
01:13:13,455 --> 01:13:14,365
Stu?
1395
01:13:15,555 --> 01:13:16,915
Fuck off asshole!
1396
01:13:20,635 --> 01:13:21,815
Fuck off!
1397
01:13:22,135 --> 01:13:23,535
Get off me!
1398
01:13:25,655 --> 01:13:27,565
Stinking group of assholes!
1399
01:13:32,875 --> 01:13:34,625
Stupid werewolves!
1400
01:13:34,875 --> 01:13:36,154
Look away Nick!
1401
01:13:36,155 --> 01:13:38,155
- Don't look at their blood!
- Stu!
1402
01:13:38,345 --> 01:13:40,005
Stu!
1403
01:13:40,205 --> 01:13:42,895
Leave him alone, he's a really good dude!
Leave him alone!
1404
01:13:42,915 --> 01:13:43,944
It's too late for him!
1405
01:13:43,945 --> 01:13:46,135
- Don't look at the blood Nick!
- Stu!
1406
01:13:58,085 --> 01:13:59,895
There he is.
1407
01:14:01,645 --> 01:14:04,684
He's probably still a little upset
having seen his
1408
01:14:04,685 --> 01:14:08,014
best friend disemboweled by werewolves.
1409
01:14:10,145 --> 01:14:11,305
Nick!
1410
01:14:12,014 --> 01:14:13,275
I found you.
1411
01:14:14,835 --> 01:14:15,974
Whoa!
1412
01:14:18,435 --> 01:14:20,415
That was pretty full on, hey?
1413
01:14:26,425 --> 01:14:29,215
But this is what happens
when you are a vampire.
1414
01:14:29,974 --> 01:14:32,215
You have to watch everyone die.
1415
01:14:34,285 --> 01:14:36,534
Your mother and father.
1416
01:14:36,535 --> 01:14:37,954
All your friends.
1417
01:14:38,195 --> 01:14:39,825
Sometimes brutal.
1418
01:14:42,375 --> 01:14:45,675
Like slipping and falling
onto a giant spike.
1419
01:14:45,935 --> 01:14:47,545
Or falling asleep...
1420
01:14:47,815 --> 01:14:50,335
in an autumn pile of leaves...
1421
01:14:50,695 --> 01:14:54,415
and having some of them,
block your wind pipe.
1422
01:14:55,025 --> 01:14:57,595
Or making the simple mistake,
1423
01:14:58,055 --> 01:15:00,694
of fashioning a mask out of crackers,
1424
01:15:00,695 --> 01:15:02,695
and being attacked by ducks.
1425
01:15:02,944 --> 01:15:04,205
Geese.
1426
01:15:04,815 --> 01:15:06,235
Swans.
1427
01:15:06,865 --> 01:15:08,895
Or simply dying of old age.
1428
01:15:11,485 --> 01:15:13,954
But even old age is brutal.
1429
01:15:14,405 --> 01:15:16,025
Watching your friends...
1430
01:15:16,295 --> 01:15:17,255
...grow old.
1431
01:15:17,525 --> 01:15:19,475
They can't piss.
1432
01:15:19,775 --> 01:15:23,354
And they say stupid things and
their brains go and they
1433
01:15:23,355 --> 01:15:25,355
can't remember anything.
1434
01:15:27,475 --> 01:15:30,895
And then, one day, they can't even
remember who you are.
1435
01:15:32,225 --> 01:15:34,365
And you wish they were dead.
1436
01:15:34,855 --> 01:15:36,795
And then they do die.
1437
01:15:40,275 --> 01:15:41,254
No.
1438
01:15:41,255 --> 01:15:43,255
If I know Stu...
1439
01:15:43,904 --> 01:15:46,605
this was probably the way he wanted to go.
1440
01:15:47,075 --> 01:15:49,635
Disemboweled by werewolves.
1441
01:15:50,505 --> 01:15:51,953
Blood and guts,
1442
01:15:51,954 --> 01:15:53,954
sprayed on to the trees.
1443
01:15:54,225 --> 01:15:56,675
His face torn to shreds.
1444
01:16:06,395 --> 01:16:08,645
I hope I made you feel better.
1445
01:16:15,065 --> 01:16:17,474
Ah, well, from what we
could see in the beginning,
1446
01:16:17,475 --> 01:16:19,913
it looks like there's been
a bit of a dog attack.
1447
01:16:19,914 --> 01:16:21,514
That's really what happens,
when you get, you know...
1448
01:16:21,515 --> 01:16:22,674
dangerous dogs...
1449
01:16:22,675 --> 01:16:24,494
out on the streets, not being looked after.
1450
01:16:24,495 --> 01:16:25,795
This is not good.
1451
01:16:26,595 --> 01:16:28,175
No, not good at all.
1452
01:16:28,815 --> 01:16:30,594
- No, definitely not.
- There's nicer ways to go, than being...
1453
01:16:30,595 --> 01:16:32,987
torn apart,
by what looks like a pack of dogs,
1454
01:16:32,998 --> 01:16:34,564
more than, more than just one.
1455
01:16:34,565 --> 01:16:35,185
Yeah I'd say so.
1456
01:16:35,196 --> 01:16:37,044
These attacks have been happening
more and more frequent.
1457
01:16:37,045 --> 01:16:39,305
They're happening on a monthly basis
and and it's just...
1458
01:16:39,316 --> 01:16:40,385
no good for anybody, okay?
1459
01:16:40,475 --> 01:16:42,593
Especially not the dogs.
Certainly not the community.
1460
01:16:43,515 --> 01:16:44,455
I've got the bastard.
1461
01:16:44,535 --> 01:16:45,894
- One of them here hey!
- Geez.
1462
01:16:46,015 --> 01:16:47,704
And that's what I'm talking about.
Look at it.
1463
01:16:47,705 --> 01:16:49,995
End of the day,
this dog is gonna have to be put down.
1464
01:16:50,155 --> 01:16:51,505
What a shame.
1465
01:16:53,045 --> 01:16:54,065
Look what you did.
1466
01:16:54,405 --> 01:16:55,145
Hey?
1467
01:16:55,695 --> 01:16:58,444
Yeah he's got the scent again, hasn't he?
He wants to go again. He's not finished.
1468
01:16:58,445 --> 01:16:59,144
Yeah.
1469
01:17:28,015 --> 01:17:32,075
They say that vampires hearts
are cold and dead.
1470
01:17:32,555 --> 01:17:34,645
Definitely dead.
1471
01:17:34,695 --> 01:17:37,874
- Bye Stu.
- He would have loved his scarf.
1472
01:17:37,875 --> 01:17:40,015
It was a lovely, loose, knit.
1473
01:17:40,545 --> 01:17:44,215
But I don't know.
I think I still feel things inside it.
1474
01:17:48,225 --> 01:17:49,385
Deacon!
1475
01:17:50,635 --> 01:17:51,774
Deacon!
1476
01:17:51,885 --> 01:17:54,364
- Deacon, wakey, wakey. Hey!
- Viago.
1477
01:17:54,365 --> 01:17:57,414
Don't sleep in here.
The curtain's opened. It's nearly morning.
1478
01:17:57,415 --> 01:18:00,014
- Oh!
- You want to get sizzled to a crisp?
1479
01:18:00,015 --> 01:18:00,822
What?
1480
01:18:00,834 --> 01:18:03,146
No, you gotta think
a little bit about these things.
1481
01:18:03,245 --> 01:18:03,635
Ok.
1482
01:18:03,725 --> 01:18:05,715
- Sorry Viago.
- It's okay.
1483
01:18:05,875 --> 01:18:07,814
- Night.
- Nigh..night! Okay.
1484
01:18:34,075 --> 01:18:37,535
Received at 4:20 AM:
1485
01:19:00,485 --> 01:19:02,115
- Stu?
- Hey Deacon.
1486
01:19:02,435 --> 01:19:03,915
- Stu!
- How is it?
1487
01:19:04,724 --> 01:19:05,734
Good to see you.
1488
01:19:05,855 --> 01:19:06,774
Look at his face!
1489
01:19:06,775 --> 01:19:08,334
I saw them tear you to shreds!
1490
01:19:08,335 --> 01:19:09,595
Look! He looks like Seal!
1491
01:19:10,135 --> 01:19:11,025
They didn't kill me.
1492
01:19:11,055 --> 01:19:13,295
- It looks cool.
- Thank you, thank you.
1493
01:19:13,405 --> 01:19:14,655
Meet some of our friends.
1494
01:19:15,045 --> 01:19:16,615
Anton, Deacon.
1495
01:19:17,255 --> 01:19:18,805
- Hi, Anton.
- Anton.
1496
01:19:22,595 --> 01:19:24,574
I must have blacked out, um...
1497
01:19:24,575 --> 01:19:26,054
...and then, I remember...
1498
01:19:26,055 --> 01:19:27,494
- an ambulance.
- He's going into shock.
1499
01:19:27,495 --> 01:19:29,444
O'Leary. O'Leary!
1500
01:19:29,445 --> 01:19:31,054
Yeah, coming!
1501
01:19:31,055 --> 01:19:33,335
- Okay, calm down, mate.
- Calm down.
1502
01:19:36,795 --> 01:19:38,054
Looks like rabies, doesn't it?
1503
01:19:38,055 --> 01:19:40,895
And I don't know how long after that was,
but I like, woke up.
1504
01:19:41,335 --> 01:19:43,945
And it was daytime.
1505
01:19:47,674 --> 01:19:49,575
And I couldn't find my clothes.
1506
01:19:51,835 --> 01:19:53,765
Those werewolf guys, um...
1507
01:19:53,935 --> 01:19:55,065
...eventually found me.
1508
01:19:55,634 --> 01:19:57,054
And they had some,
1509
01:19:57,055 --> 01:19:59,055
they like, lent me some pants.
1510
01:20:00,125 --> 01:20:02,125
So, yeah,
those guys have been supporting me.
1511
01:20:02,375 --> 01:20:04,125
Cause I was quite confused.
1512
01:20:06,015 --> 01:20:07,855
Yeah, these are the guys who, um,
1513
01:20:08,115 --> 01:20:09,535
turned me into a werewolf.
1514
01:20:09,975 --> 01:20:11,425
Did you knit your own jersey?
1515
01:20:12,015 --> 01:20:13,325
- Yes.
- Oh, yeah?
1516
01:20:13,515 --> 01:20:15,375
- I knit.
- Is that the moon, or?
1517
01:20:15,634 --> 01:20:17,995
- Yes.
- Hopefully, we won't, you know...
1518
01:20:21,145 --> 01:20:22,584
Ah, this is a nice place.
1519
01:20:22,585 --> 01:20:25,374
Please, don't, ah,
don't lick anything or...
1520
01:20:25,375 --> 01:20:27,374
...pee on anything.
1521
01:20:27,375 --> 01:20:29,234
We were worried at first,
you know, we thought
1522
01:20:29,235 --> 01:20:31,644
'Ooh, they are just going to
urinate on everything.'
1523
01:20:31,875 --> 01:20:35,125
But they actually are
really polite and pretty clean.
1524
01:20:35,255 --> 01:20:37,874
There was obviously that werewolf smell,
1525
01:20:37,875 --> 01:20:41,234
which permeated the entire house
for the first half an hour.
1526
01:20:41,235 --> 01:20:44,224
But we opened some windows and
got rid of that.
1527
01:20:44,225 --> 01:20:46,515
'What a stupid suggestion, their idea, '
I thought.
1528
01:20:46,535 --> 01:20:47,334
No way.
1529
01:20:47,335 --> 01:20:50,024
You know, walking into the vampire's den.
That's ludicrous.
1530
01:20:50,025 --> 01:20:51,295
That's my hand.
1531
01:20:51,365 --> 01:20:53,244
But I thought, well...
we'll give it a shot.
1532
01:20:53,245 --> 01:20:55,415
You know, I'm the alpha male,
so I made the call.
1533
01:20:55,644 --> 01:20:56,934
I'm the alpha male.
1534
01:20:56,935 --> 01:20:59,235
- Yes.
- So, generally...
1535
01:20:59,285 --> 01:21:00,524
...all of the other guys follow me.
1536
01:21:00,525 --> 01:21:01,665
- For Stu!
- For Stu!
1537
01:21:01,755 --> 01:21:02,904
Thanks guys.
1538
01:21:02,905 --> 01:21:04,505
What have you done to your face?
1539
01:21:04,675 --> 01:21:06,895
I got attacked by some werewolves.
1540
01:21:06,955 --> 01:21:10,335
Ooh!, I met a werewolf.
Seemed a very nice person.
1541
01:21:10,735 --> 01:21:12,814
So, Katherine is a vampire now.
1542
01:21:12,815 --> 01:21:14,874
- Yes.
- We decide to get together.
1543
01:21:14,875 --> 01:21:16,654
We just thought,
the hell with it, you know.
1544
01:21:16,655 --> 01:21:18,125
What have we got to lose?
1545
01:21:18,525 --> 01:21:21,154
I was just sitting, doing nothing,
1546
01:21:21,155 --> 01:21:24,224
and he came floating in and over to me,
1547
01:21:24,225 --> 01:21:26,914
and I recognized him.
It was wonderful.
1548
01:21:26,915 --> 01:21:28,915
And then I bit you on the neck.
1549
01:21:29,625 --> 01:21:31,175
That's right.
1550
01:21:32,245 --> 01:21:34,354
And I don't mind being a vampire.
1551
01:21:34,355 --> 01:21:36,355
I'm enjoying it.
1552
01:21:37,635 --> 01:21:40,294
Some people freak out a bit
about the age difference.
1553
01:21:40,295 --> 01:21:43,312
Uh, they think,
'what's this 96-year old lady
1554
01:21:43,323 --> 01:21:45,815
doing with a guy,
for times her age!'
1555
01:21:45,945 --> 01:21:48,934
- And, you know, I don't care...
- It doesn't make any difference.
1556
01:21:48,935 --> 01:21:51,425
No, they can call me cradle-snatcher,
who cares.
1557
01:21:51,574 --> 01:21:54,574
I decided to bite her and
we're gonna be together forever.
1558
01:21:54,755 --> 01:21:56,195
- Wonderful.
- Yah.
1559
01:22:12,035 --> 01:22:15,755
Pauline and I are
tentatively back together.
1560
01:22:15,975 --> 01:22:19,414
But it's not long before
you remember why it was we
1561
01:22:19,415 --> 01:22:21,415
broke up in the first place.
1562
01:22:26,005 --> 01:22:27,194
We'll start in our bedroom,
1563
01:22:27,195 --> 01:22:30,214
I need that totally boarded up or
blacked out somehow.
1564
01:22:30,215 --> 01:22:31,854
My husband is my familiar.
1565
01:22:31,855 --> 01:22:34,725
So there's been a dynamic shift there.
1566
01:22:34,745 --> 01:22:35,837
You could buy a Bedazzler.
1567
01:22:35,848 --> 01:22:37,894
So write that down.
Bedazzler, that's B-E-D...
1568
01:22:37,895 --> 01:22:40,695
I feel like I'm
who I'm really meant to be now.
1569
01:22:41,235 --> 01:22:43,155
- I love you.
- I love you too.
1570
01:22:43,215 --> 01:22:44,075
Great.
1571
01:22:45,125 --> 01:22:46,555
But I am your Master.
1572
01:22:46,675 --> 01:22:48,425
- Okay?
- Yeah.
1573
01:22:49,295 --> 01:22:51,545
Yeah, these guys have to laugh
at my jokes, right guys?
1574
01:22:51,705 --> 01:22:53,175
Yeah!
1575
01:22:53,805 --> 01:22:54,804
That is a good one.
1576
01:22:54,805 --> 01:22:56,944
I always look round to
make sure they're all laughing.
1577
01:22:56,945 --> 01:22:59,304
Like, if I see one of them is not
quite laughing I'll be like, 'Hey!'
1578
01:22:59,305 --> 01:23:01,444
'You laughing?',
and often I'll test you.
1579
01:23:01,445 --> 01:23:02,914
- What are you laughing at, Justin?
1580
01:23:02,915 --> 01:23:04,614
- Hey?
- What are you laughing at now?
1581
01:23:04,615 --> 01:23:06,614
- Just then?
- Yeah, yeah, but what?
1582
01:23:06,615 --> 01:23:07,705
Oh, I don't know.
1583
01:23:07,775 --> 01:23:11,024
Ah, test failed! Test failed!
1584
01:23:11,025 --> 01:23:13,444
You're laughing now.
What are you laughing at now though?
1585
01:23:13,725 --> 01:23:14,904
I don't know cause...
1586
01:23:14,905 --> 01:23:17,795
Ah, another failure!
1587
01:23:17,855 --> 01:23:19,504
Well, what are you laughing at Stu?
1588
01:23:19,725 --> 01:23:21,255
I was laughing with the group.
1589
01:23:21,335 --> 01:23:23,493
- Yep, that's good. - Good answer!
- That's good, yeah.
1590
01:23:24,415 --> 01:23:26,655
Just pay attention. Pay attention.
1591
01:23:27,585 --> 01:23:28,635
Laugh with the group.
1592
01:25:04,595 --> 01:25:07,554
You will not remember
the last hour and a half,
1593
01:25:07,555 --> 01:25:09,555
of what you have just seen.
1594
01:25:10,354 --> 01:25:11,745
You will forget...
1595
01:25:12,275 --> 01:25:14,525
...the contents of this movie.