Previously on Wonderfalls.
As your brother, I'm gonna be relentless until you tell me what's goin' on with you.
God, as if I knew.
- Make me a match. - You can't talk!
- Girl needs a boy. - Girl needs a doughnut.
- Keep 'em here. - Take a picture!
- Mend what was broken. - Get her words out.
Tell me why you talk to me!
Because... you listen.
All right, girls. Let's make this quick!
Come on!
You know, this sudden impulse of yours to visit my ancestral lands...
is great, but aren't you supposed to be at work?
I couldn't stand the thought of spending another day...
looking at those faces with their stupid little mouths constantly running...
and making all sorts of unreasonable demands on me.
Are you sure you should be in a customer service industry?
So what happens after you hand that thing in?
They verify my claim, and then I'm embraced by my people...
as a part of the Satsuma Indian Nation.
- That's awesome. - It's also fraud.
You're not Indian. You're black.
Uh, one-eighth Satsuman on my grandmother's side.
But even a fraction of my fraction makes me eligible for full tribal citizenship.
And a cut of the gambling money.
Uh-uh, no. This is not about money. This is about tribe pride.
However, if a Title IV federal grant will pay off my student loans, then justice is served.
Where's the casino?
This place doesn't even have a Stuckey's.
Hey, there's some guys over there. Why don't you ask them?
Hey, fill it up!
And do not drip on the paint.
Hi.
Go on in.
Go on!
Be glad you did. Over there.
An authentic Satsuman totem should not be speaking English.
I'm not authentic. They put me here for the tourists.
Go on. Go on in.
That's it. Go on.
- Hurry. Right across the street there. - I'm going, I'm going.
That's good. Look both ways!
- You're gonna like it. - I think we both know that's not true.
- Right across there. That's good. - Shut up, already!
Hello?
Oh! Sorry.
Excuse me. I didn't mean to wake you.
Enter and sit. Why do you hesitate?
You've come with many questions.
But very little money. So, if you're like the local fortuneteller or something-
They speak to you in many voices.
And many forms.
You have been sought out for a great purpose.
For this, you have been chosen.
No. I don't want to be chosen.
In this instance, I'm anti-choice.
Also, chosen by what? Who are "they"?
- Do you know? - Yes. Many questions.
Yeah. If you're just gonna be all cryptic, it will affect your tip.
You entered this place only to silence the voices.
You wish to silence them forever?
Can I? Is there some way?
Can you tell me how?
Why do you think you're here?
Okay. Cryptic.
And yet, I think I like where you're going.
Okay. I'm listening. If you could tell me how to get some relief...
- I'd really appreciate it. - Excuse me.
Hi. We're sort of in the middle of something. So would you mind...
waiting outside until we're through?
Uh, what are you in the middle of?
We're having a conversation.
You're having a conversation with my dead grandmother?
Okay, that's just odd.
One case of Milestone cigarettes. Will that be all?
Make it two. Just because I own 80 cartons...
doesn't mean I won't quit before I smoke them all.
I need to see your resident card.
Oh, I'm not Indian- Native.
- I can only sell you three packs. - Three packs?
That's hardly worth the trip.
- Sorry. New rule. - What moron started this rule?
Hello, Tyler.
Littlefoot?
Deana Littlefoot.
Oh, my God! Why, this is so-
Wow! Hey, congratulations!
I read in the alumni newspaper that you are practicing...
upstate with Kirchner/McKenzie now.
- Very prestigious. - I left Kirchner/McKenzie.
- Oh, you did! - I was needed here.
My people were being exploited, and there was no one looking out for their interests.
Good for you. And- good for you too.
She is the best!
We went to law school together.
Both top in our class.
Remember the time you got our 200-year-old...
beloved mascot banned from campus?
- It was a sexist symbol of patriarchal oppression. - Yeah.
- It was a beaver. - My people are through being slaves...
to imperialist aggression by relying on nonnative trade.
My God. You haven't changed a bit.
Neither have you. You always did need to be reminded of your place.
You were never top of our class, Tyler.
- I was. - All right. You were one. I was two.
Whatever! This is silly!
How about we just leave all that ugly competition in the past, where it belongs?
I don't know what you're talking about. You were never any competition.
And you weren't two. You were like sixth.
- I want my cigarettes. Two cases. - She might get cancer.
Mahandra! This is my good friend, Mahandra...
who happens to be a member of the Satsuma Nation.
She will take two cases. Show him your membership card.
I don't have one yet. I just turned in my application.
- It has to be reviewed by the tribal lawyer. - That would be me.
Did you just screw me?
Ohh!
Excuse me! Hi. That crazy blonde woman?
- This way. - She's not my good friend. In fact...
I wouldn't even really say we're friends, in any meaningful sense of the word.
The fact is-
- What's going on? - She disturbed Gentlefeather's sacred resting place.
I- I don't know her either.
This is all making me really uncomfortable.
I'm trying to respect my grandmother's wishes, I am.
And I thought I'd be fine with a native funeral.
But not if you're going to allow tourists to participate.
- What were you doing in there? - I was paying my respects.
And I have a few more respects to pay.
I just need to talk to her for one more minute.
- Talk to her? - Did I say talk?
- I meant see. - I'd rather she didn't.
And, uh, if you're gonna do that pyre thing, I'd appreciate if you could do it soon.
Before more people show up and poke my dead grandmother.
- You poked a dead grandmother? - I didn't poke!
I think it's best you and your friends leave, Tyler.
Not friends. A- Acquaintances.
- What about my application? - Denied.
But, if you care to contest, tribal court meets Thursday morning, 11:00 a. m.
Hope you have a good lawyer.
It will be fine. I will personally represent you.
Pro bono. That means free.
What?
Her spirit spoke to you?
Nope. Mm-mmm.
But does that sort of thing happen a lot around here?
Not that it happens every day, but we're taught that our holy ones...
can sometimes linger between this world and the next.
- She was holy? - Gentlefeather was our seer.
Our spiritual guide.
A voice of reason among many loud and more angry voices.
I'm very sorry for your loss...
but could I maybe speak to the new seer person, the backup "seerer"?
There isn't one. The line ended with Gentlefeather.
It's a line? Well- What about him?
He's the grandson, right? He's in line.
Hey, it's his holy grandmother. Can he talk to her?
He doesn't have the gift. Besides, he barely spoke to her...
when she was among the living.
Why should it be any different now?
Show him who's special.
You can do it. Go on!
What's the matter?
- Nothing. - Nothing?
- You said it was an emergency. - An emergency of sorts.
Um, what do you know about Satsuman Indian legend?
Um, not a lot.
Good. Okay. You can be my authority.
Shut up. Hi!
- You came. Thanks. - Did she tell you it was an emergency?
I'm Jaye. We didn't really get a chance to meet officially.
You're the girl that was talking to my dead grandma.
It's inanimate people, too?
You said you had something of hers. Please tell me you didn't take it off the body.
No!
It was in the dirt. Someone must have dropped it.
Uh, this is from that rack.
Well, actually, it's mine.
Okay. How about this?
- You getting anything? - Does that belong to my grandma?
I... don't understand. I- I don't understand.
Is there some reason I'm here?
- Is this about a time-share? - No time-share, but there is a video.
I can't watch a video. Tax season is a very busy time for me. I have things to do.
I'll fast-forward through the beginning. We'll get right to the meat, please.
For your grandma. I'll give you a gift certificate.
Gift! You'd like a gift, wouldn't you?
And, because Lelawala, daughter of Chief Eagle Eye, surrendered to her destiny...
the tribe lived on in peace and prosperity.
There. See? That's what you need to do.
- Throw myself over the falls? - No!
Surrender to destiny. You have to follow in Grandma's footsteps.
Ahh. You're one of those.
It's in your blood. You're the next in line.
I gave up that line a long time ago. I've got a new line now.
- Thanks, though. - No, no, no. The new line is the wrong line.
The old line is the line you want to be in. Grandma's line.
So, you can claim your gift.
Whatever it is you're looking for, you're looking in the wrong spot.
- I don't have a gift. Any gift. - Oh, you do. You do have the gift.
It's your destiny.
What did the Maid of the Mist teach us about destiny?
The Maid of the Mist isn't even a real myth.
It was just fabricated by whitey to bring in tourists.
What if the gift was hormonal, like menopause, and develops as you mature?
- I mean, when was the last time you checked? - I've been checking...
since I was born- so has everyone else.
- Why do you think I left? - But Grandma-
I broke my grandma's heart.
It's like...
she knitted a sweater for me I could never wear.
When I was a young boy, I would pretend I could talk to spirits just to make her happy.
But they just thought I was retarded.
I can't go back. I have no place there.
My place was reserved for someone with a gift I don't have.
But how do you know for sure? Like, for sure, for sure?
Yeah. Many of the great spiritual leaders didn't even realize they had gifts...
- until they were called on to use them. - Ooh, that's good.
St. Paul was just a punk until he was blinded by the light...
and Gandhi was just drinkin' and whorin' it up with his friends, until...
he heard the cry of his people.
And Neo was just a big geek...
until he swallowed that little red pill.
- I'm kind of a geek. - Yes. You are.
But in a good way, like Neo.
So come on. Take the red pill.
You know you wanna.
The grandson of Gentlefeather has returned to us.
We will commence with the journey of the feather.
The feather is drawn to the energy of the seer through concentration and reflection.
It'll be the first sign that Bill Hooten has the gift.
What?
That feather took a mean left turn.
It's static cling. I was out of dryer sheets.
Lots of things seem to cling to you.
- Including the spirits of old women. - What? That's crazy! She didn't-
All right. We may have had words.
But she said nothing about purposes or being chosen or anything like that.
- But you were chosen. - Nope.
Her spirit chose to talk to you.
It never talked to me. And I couldn't get her to shut up when she was alive.
- You are Gentlefeather's successor. - No, I'm not!
- She never said that. - The tribe needs a spiritual leader, now more than ever.
Leftist fury has clouded Littlefoot's judgment.
She will bring financial ruin if she stands unopposed.
All this B.S. about exploitation.
- I've got a business to run. - I'm not a leader! I need a leader.
I need a leader who can talk to dead Grandma...
and find out how to lift a particular burden of mine.
Besides, they don't want a white chick fighting their battles.
It doesn't look good.
She is your broom...
and this floor may not be dirt, but it is dirty.
And I am ready to sweep.
Karma's comin' round, and it's gonna knock her to the ground.
Ooh. I should write that down.
The tribal certification hearing for Mahandra McGinty will now begin.
- Your Honor- - Your Honor, I-
Point of order. In accordance with the new rule passed by Tribal Council last night...
birth records may not be computer generated, abstracted or transcribed.
These are and, therefore, are not admissible.
Motion granted. All court costs will be paid for by the defendant.
Please see the clerk for your bill.
If Bill Hooten, grandson of Gentlefeather, is destined to be our seer...
he must prove himself in three tests.
First, you must choose...
which one of these things belonged to Gentlefeather.
It's multiple choice.
I think someone's having a spiritual awakening.
- He is? You think so? - Not him.
He's having a panic attack. You.
You're having a spiritual awakening.
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You're stupid.
- You're being called. - Yeah?
Well, I'm transferring the call to his extension.
Wh- What are you-
You recognize anything?
Not really. I-
I don't think Grandma smoked a pipe, and I'm not sure if she wore glasses.
Just relax. Open yourself up to the experience.
Psst! Pick me. Pick me! Pick me. Pick me.
Me. Pick me.
"Ear-bay ull-skay. "
The bear skull.
Yea! You got one right.
I think we can all see who the new seer's gonna be.
What?
Nine hundred dollars? Why should I pay $900 to not be a member of the tribe?
I'm already not a member of the tribe.
You always have to be number one, don't you?
But do you have to do it at the expense of others?
Fine. I'll do it at your expense.
Why do you have my credit card receipts?
Cigarettes purchased on the rez by nonnatives...
are subject to the New York State cigarette tax.
You wouldn't dare.
You owe $6,750. Before interest.
Light the pipe.
Breathe in the smoke.
The power will be passed on to the one who can pierce the veil...
and commune with Gentlefeather.
There's not gonna be any communing. He's not the guy.
The feather didn't land on him, and I saw you cheat.
- I think you're the guy. - That's crazy!
Why are you fighting this? Is it because you're lazy?
Do you just not want the responsibility?
I admit that's a factor. But let's face it.
"Seer-ing," or whatever, isn't my destiny.
- I'm just not cut out for that kind of work. - And you think he is?
Look at him.
The man's an accountant, Jaye. An accountant.
He can't even get the pipe lit.
- They're making a fool out of him. - Oh, my God. You're right.
This is very cruel. What have I done?
I'm like those parents who force their uncoordinated children to play sports.
Someone's got to put him out of his misery.
You have to tell him the truth.
All right. But he-
- Oh, my God! - Oh.
- He doesn't have a pulse! - This is the final test.
To depart from this world and return after speaking with his ancestors.
- We thought we lost you. - Technically, he's supposed to bring himself back to life.
- Was I dead? - For like a minute.
Which means you might have brain damage, so you should probably get that checked.
I touched the other side.
I saw my grandmother. She was like a vision in the mist.
- Did she speak to you? - She told me not to go into the light.
Did she say anything else? Anything about-
- I don't know, silencing voices or- - No. Nothing like that.
She said I lost my path...
but that I would find it again.
- That's not very specific. - Or helpful.
I talked to my dead grandmother.
And I came back.
I do have the gift!
This is my path! This is my path!
I found it! Come here.
Finally, it's happened.
Don't you think it's cruel to let him believe he's the new seer...
when clearly he's not- I mean, clearly.
What harm could it do?
A little help, please!
Well! If it isn't Mahandra Tanawanda!
No, it isn't.
That name was killed in the cross fire of a bitter law school rivalry.
What did Mom say about your competitive streak?
I didn't do anything! Littlefoot ambushed me.
It was a setup. I didn't stand a chance.
Comfort her.
Go on. Comfort her.
- What are you doing? - I'm comforting you.
Well, stop it.
Ow. Ow! Stop. Ow! Ow!
Stop pulling. Wait! It's my bracelet.
Stuck in my hair. Ow!
Just keep it.
- Show him who's special. - I did.
And now he thinks he brought himself back from the dead.
- Show him. - Yeah, we had this conversation.
I think we should wear these for Chief Joseph Days, don't you?
We could say we're "scalping prices"!
Look! Comes with a kazoo!
My people, this video portrays a racist myth.
It claims that our people performed human sacrifice-
- Hi, Jaye! - Hi.
Tell me, proud brothers and sisters...
have we ever sacrificed one of our own?
- You said we were goin' shopping. - We are.
But first, we must make a stand.
By sitting here as one until our good name is returned to us, untarnished.
Tell your friends they have to leave.
- Is he still on peyote? - Don't blame the drugs.
- This is your fault. - How is this my fault?
This woman is the reason we're here.
She came to me and presented this lie. This legend.
I've never felt so alive! Spread out. I want everyone two arm's lengths apart.
Spread like the hawk's wings...
as she soars over the downy mountains in search of her prey: the cotton-tailed rabbit.
Hi! This is your gym too?
Yeah. Never seen you here before.
I'm here all the time.
- But mostly in the evenings. - That's when I Krav Maga.
Is that the one where they teach you how to rip someone's throat out?
It's a no-nonsense approach to personal safety.
Hmm.
Oh! Thanks.
You always wear jewelry when you work out?
Uh, just turquoise.
It helps me feel centered.
It's a Native American gem. But I guess you already knew that.
You know...
I was thinking.
We have so much in common. Yeah.
We both go to the same gym...
I wear turquoise.
- Why can't we just bury the hatchet? - The hatchet?
That was not a racial slur.
Looks like those cigarettes are taxing you.
Thank you for supporting this imperialist establishment.
Enjoy your purchase and have a racist day.
- I-I've... changed my mind. - Wait!
We've got some stuff that's not racist.
Look, a-a rainbow teddy bear.
He represents all people. And he's gay-friendly.
No. Thank you.
Get rid of them.
- What? - You brought them here. You get rid of them.
What do you want me to do? Like, litter and get 'em to chase me?
I don't care what you do, but I'm gonna call security.
- Bill? Can I talk to you for just a quick second? - Sure.
Isn't this great? They all really look up to me.
- Yeah. You made them all sit down. - Yeah.
Bill, you're not the guy.
I'm sorry, but it's true.
I know you wanted to be the guy, and I wanted you to be the guy.
And... you look great in the outfit, but...
you're not the guy.
So, you're saying... I'm not the guy?
- Not so much the guy. - But I passed the tests.
You cheated. I mean, I cheated.
- I cheated for you. - What?
I'm sorry.
Look, it-it's selfish, and it's unfair...
but I had hoped that if you were special, like your grandmother...
that you could give me some answers.
I thought I was supposed to show you that you were special.
But now I don't think that was the lesson.
I think I was supposed to show you that I was.
And that you're-
not... special.
But... I told you I wasn't.
- I know. Yeah. - You said I was.
- So, how is that a lesson? - Actually, I'm not sure the lesson was for you.
But- I finally found my place in the tribe.
It's the wrong place.
I don't accept that. I'm following in the footsteps of Gentlefeather.
I am a great spiritual leader for my people.
- The cops are coming! - Wait!
What are you doing? Wh-Where are you going?
They're leaving. Nobody thinks you're the guy, Bill.
Sorry, Bill Hooten, grandson of Gentlefeather.
I wish you did have the gift. The tribe yearns for someone with real vision...
but it is not to be.
No. No.
- This is another test. - It's not a test, Bill.
It is, and I'm gonna pass it.
You will not sway me from my path. And I will not rest...
until every piece of racist paraphernalia is taken down from these shelves.
Could I have a sip?
I see you prepare for the sauna as well as you prepare for court.
Okay. Fine. You hate me. I hate you.
And as long as we're being perfectly honest, I also hate turquoise.
But I beseech you on behalf of my friend...
who is an innocent in this matter...
and who really cannot afford your fee.
Please, do not make Mahandra McGinty suffer.
She deserves a fair trial.
She had a fair trial. She just should have picked a better lawyer.
Give my regrets to your nonnative client.
Fine!
What the- Tyler, you bitch!
Please. You have to stop this.
I'm just gonna have to restock everything.
What is this? Cowboy and Indian Massacre Set?
Is this what you teach children?
- He's not shopping, is he? - I'm handling this.
Bill, it's just a toy.
- Some help here? - It is kinda offensive.
Okay. Yes, it is. I'll take it up with the owner.
I swear. But just give me the box.
Give it! Everything's being videotaped.
Freeze! Mall Security!
I ordered you to freeze! You better. I have permission to shoot you.
- Bill, Bill. Give me the gun. - Gun!
No, it's just a toy-
I told ya. I'm the one.
I died. And came back.
- It can't be. - I touched the other side.
Again. I've retouched.
I'm invincible.
- Gerry? Thoughts? - I'm pretty impressed with this one actually.
- Shoot him again. - It won't matter. The bullets bounced right off.
Oh, yeah. They bounced.
- They're rubber. - Rubber?
Yeah. And they're not bullets. They're pellets.
Like r-rubber pellets for crowd dispersal.
Oh.
I'm not invincible.
I'm really not the guy.
Deana Littlefoot.
Is that you, Tyler?
You have much to learn.
Oh, look. It's the special one.
You come to tell me about how special you are? 'Cause I'd love to hear more about that.
Did my grandma tell you how special you are?
Sort of.
Did you really talk to her?
Yeah. Didn't you?
I don't know. It's all kinda hazy.
It was probably the peyote.
Or, maybe you actually talked to her.
- I don't know. - Why would she talk to me when she has you to talk to?
It was just one conversation.
Okay, so she said I had "great purpose" or whatever.
She was vague, at best. Then I talked about me for a while, and...
- that was it, really. - I wish I had great purpose.
- No, you don't. - Yes, I do.
No, you don't. You really don't.
Having great purpose isn't all it's cracked up to be.
I've had great purpose, and I've had no purpose...
and I have to say, no purpose is a lot easier.
Expectations are low. Nobody asks you for anything.
Count your blessings.
Oh, grow up, Littlefoot!
What, now you have to sweat more than me?
Oh, my God!
Deana!
I need a little help in here!
Behind this door is one very dehydrated...
very angry, and very litigious woman.
Pry, man! Pry!
I'm pryin', lady!
Littlefoot.
Tyler.
Sure, it can be nice on occasion.
In a triumph-of-the-human-spirit sort of way...
but most of the time, it feels like the universe doing this:
"Why are you hitting yourself, Jaye?
- Why are you hitting yourself?" - Ow! Stop it.
Well, that's what being special really feels like.
At least, that's been my experience.
- Maybe you're doin' it wrong. - I don't think there's a right way to do it.
Well, you're not gonna find it with that attitude.
- What? - You don't realize how lucky you are.
You're the lucky one.
I'd love to be just an accountant.
Well, maybe not an accountant, but something a little more interesti-
To me.
And yet, equally not special.
Like a retail clerk?
Preferably more interesting than that.
- You'd really want to be me? - Yeah.
- Pathetic, isn't it? - We're both pathetic.
But at least you're pathetic with great purpose.
I'm pathetic with no purpose. The saddest part is...
when I leave here...
there's no reason to ever come back.
You could come back to buy cigarettes.
I don't smoke.
You could start.
So aren't you even just a weensy bit relieved...
that you're not responsible for the spiritual well-being...
of an entire reservation?
I mean, that's a lot of people. With a lot of problems.
- Oh. Yeah. - And there's a lot of drama on the rez.
I know.
Could I just maybe keep your resident card if you're not gonna come back?
My sister's gonna want more cigarettes when these run out.
Thanks.
Oh, look! There's some of your friends from the sit-in.
- Are they following us? - No, but they are staring.
Good-bye, Bill Hooten.
Good-bye.
Sorry about the protests and everything.
- At least, no one was arrested. - Mm-hmm.
- How is your burden? - Yeah, it's not goin' anywhere.
- How's yours? - Littlefoot's rooted in like a tick.
I need a spiritual leader to burn a match on her ass.
Isn't that your tick now?
Gentlefeather appeared to me.
She appeared to you too?
A vision in the mist.
She spoke of a horse that would guide our people where they long to go.
A new direction it wants to run.
And, grandson of Gentlefeather...
I was told that you would teach me...
how to ride this horse.
But I don't know anything about riding horses.
- I'm an accountant. - Yes.
Your grandmother told me you were very good at numbers.
Let me tell you about my vision.
We need an accountant to ride through the land of imperious plenty...
and bring back a casino with blackjack...
poker, and Vegas-style slot machines.
I think your tick may have just burned its own ass.
- Did you see that thing with the feathers? - Oh, good. You saw it too?
You said you needed a spiritual leader to relieve your burden.
- There she is. - Yeah. I guess so.
- You know, I'm not so sure if my burden's a burden or not.
I mean, other people seem to want it.
And that should always make you pause before you give something up.
A lesson my people have learned time and time again.