1 00:00:47,999 --> 00:00:50,070 - You've read it? - I've read it. 2 00:00:50,719 --> 00:00:52,516 - Have you read this? - He's read it. 3 00:00:52,679 --> 00:00:54,874 - Let me read it to you! - We've read it. 4 00:00:55,039 --> 00:00:58,475 "Let's get rid fo Jim Hacker", by John Pilgrim. 5 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,754 The Right Honourable Jim Jacker, promised 6 00:01:01,919 --> 00:01:05,150 to slim down the Civil Service, and to wipe out the interference 7 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:07,674 from the Whitehall and Town Hall busybodies. 8 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:09,870 But howmany people realise that 9 00:01:10,039 --> 00:01:13,588 more people serve in the Inland Revenue than the Royal Navy? 10 00:01:14,039 --> 00:01:15,836 - Is it true? - I believe it is, Minister. 11 00:01:15,999 --> 00:01:20,072 - "Perhaps a tax is the best defence". - Oh, that's ratherwitty. 12 00:01:22,119 --> 00:01:24,792 - And have you read this bit? - I have read it. 13 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:27,029 "No less than fourministries 14 00:01:27,199 --> 00:01:29,667 check the supply of the same army uniforms. 15 00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:32,353 Defence checks to see they get what they ordered. 16 00:01:32,519 --> 00:01:36,148 Industry checks to see they are manufactured as perregulations. 17 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:38,037 The Treasury checks the bills. 18 00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:41,032 And Jim Hacker's mob checks up on everyone else. 19 00:01:41,199 --> 00:01:44,794 Jim Hacker is the most obvious case of overmanning in Whitehall. 20 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:48,076 Let's get rid ofhim and save at least one salary". 21 00:01:51,239 --> 00:01:54,276 Frank, why did you read me that? I told you I'd read it. 22 00:01:54,639 --> 00:01:56,755 Because I'm yourpolitical advisor. 23 00:01:56,919 --> 00:01:59,114 This is politically damaging foryou. 24 00:01:59,279 --> 00:02:00,997 Good morning, Minister. 25 00:02:01,679 --> 00:02:04,432 - Have you read this? - Yes! Yes! Yes! 26 00:02:05,119 --> 00:02:08,395 I have read it! You have read it, he has read it! 27 00:02:08,559 --> 00:02:11,596 We have all bloody read it, do I make myself clear? 28 00:02:11,919 --> 00:02:13,557 Abundantly, Minister. 29 00:02:14,039 --> 00:02:15,518 I'm sorry. Sit down. 30 00:02:18,519 --> 00:02:21,670 Humphrey, we have got to slim down the Civil Service. 31 00:02:22,279 --> 00:02:24,509 Howmany people have we got in this department? 32 00:02:24,679 --> 00:02:27,318 This department? Oh, we're very small. 33 00:02:27,479 --> 00:02:28,958 Small? How small? 34 00:02:29,439 --> 00:02:30,667 I don't know... 35 00:02:30,839 --> 00:02:32,352 2.000? 36 00:02:33,239 --> 00:02:34,467 3.000? 37 00:02:34,799 --> 00:02:37,757 Um... about 23.000, I think, Minister. 38 00:02:37,999 --> 00:02:40,069 23.000? 39 00:02:40,519 --> 00:02:42,350 In Administrative Affairs? 40 00:02:42,519 --> 00:02:45,829 23.000 people just administering otheradministrators? 41 00:02:46,239 --> 00:02:48,878 We'll have to do a study to see who we can get rid of. 42 00:02:49,039 --> 00:02:51,394 - We did one of those last year. - And? 43 00:02:51,559 --> 00:02:53,629 It transpired we needed another500 people. 44 00:02:56,159 --> 00:02:59,947 However, we could always close your Bureaucratic Watchdog Office. 45 00:03:00,119 --> 00:03:03,316 No. It's the one thing I've done since I got here. 46 00:03:03,479 --> 00:03:07,074 But it has been criticised as a trouble maker's letterbox. 47 00:03:07,239 --> 00:03:10,117 I know. It's very popularwith the voters. 48 00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:14,028 They help us find ways to stop wasting government money. 49 00:03:14,199 --> 00:03:17,509 We are the experts about wasting government money... 50 00:03:18,759 --> 00:03:20,636 That's not what I meant. 51 00:03:21,639 --> 00:03:24,472 Well, the Bureaucratic Watchdog Office stays. 52 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:27,358 Well, offhand I can't think of what else to suggest. 53 00:03:27,519 --> 00:03:30,875 Are you seriously telling me there is no way we can cut down? 54 00:03:31,239 --> 00:03:34,709 I suppose we could lose one ortwo of the tea ladies. 55 00:03:34,879 --> 00:03:38,474 Oh, Humphrey, I do wish you'd take this seriously. 56 00:03:38,639 --> 00:03:40,630 Tea ladies! I want the facts. 57 00:03:40,799 --> 00:03:43,267 I want to knowwho works here, what they do, 58 00:03:43,439 --> 00:03:46,476 what buildings we have, what goes on in them. 59 00:03:47,079 --> 00:03:50,674 Then we'll knowwhere to cut costs, cut staff, cut procedures... 60 00:03:50,999 --> 00:03:53,638 The Civil Service, Minister, exists to implement 61 00:03:53,799 --> 00:03:55,710 legislation enacted by Parliament. 62 00:03:55,879 --> 00:03:59,428 As long as Parliament continues to legislate, the Civil Service... 63 00:04:00,759 --> 00:04:03,114 However, I am fully seized of yourrequirements, 64 00:04:03,279 --> 00:04:05,634 and I'll go and set the wheels in motion. 65 00:04:05,959 --> 00:04:07,028 Thank you. 66 00:04:07,199 --> 00:04:09,508 - Good morning, Mr. Weasel. - Weisel. 67 00:04:13,479 --> 00:04:15,834 Did you know that a Regional Controller 68 00:04:15,999 --> 00:04:19,196 has achieved cuts of 32 million in his region alone? 69 00:04:20,559 --> 00:04:23,232 And that the Civil Service is suppressing the story? 70 00:04:23,399 --> 00:04:25,276 - Is it true? - If it is, I'm aghast! 71 00:04:25,439 --> 00:04:28,351 - Why? - Lfhe can save, everyone else can. 72 00:04:30,679 --> 00:04:34,831 Why don't you look into it, have a bit of a ferret around? 73 00:04:37,559 --> 00:04:38,912 Do you think I could? 74 00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:41,593 I think that's a very good idea, Mr. Ferret erWeasel. 75 00:04:44,959 --> 00:04:47,757 - He told you 32 million pounds? - Yes, Sir Humphrey. 76 00:04:47,919 --> 00:04:49,147 - I'm aghast! - So I was. 77 00:04:49,319 --> 00:04:51,310 It's incredible we didn't know about it. 78 00:04:51,479 --> 00:04:53,947 - I knew about it. - Then why are you aghast? 79 00:04:54,119 --> 00:04:55,677 I'm aghast that it got out. 80 00:04:56,679 --> 00:04:59,147 We'll get less money from the Treasury next year. 81 00:04:59,319 --> 00:05:01,469 Oh, it's afterhalf past five. Sherry? 82 00:05:01,639 --> 00:05:03,231 Oh, er, yes. Thank you. 83 00:05:03,599 --> 00:05:06,159 - You still look worried, Bernard. - Well... yes. 84 00:05:06,319 --> 00:05:08,787 I mean, surely we want to save money. 85 00:05:08,959 --> 00:05:12,110 You knowperfectly well there has to be some way 86 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:15,191 to measure success in the Civil Service. 87 00:05:16,679 --> 00:05:18,510 British Leyland measure theirsuccess 88 00:05:18,679 --> 00:05:21,432 by the size of theirprofits, or, to be more accurate, 89 00:05:21,599 --> 00:05:24,397 they measure theirfailure by the size of their losses. 90 00:05:24,999 --> 00:05:26,876 We don't have profits and losses. 91 00:05:27,039 --> 00:05:28,631 We have to measure oursuccess 92 00:05:28,799 --> 00:05:31,313 by the size of ourstaff and ourbudget. 93 00:05:31,559 --> 00:05:33,390 By definition, Bernard, 94 00:05:33,639 --> 00:05:35,789 a big department is more successful. 95 00:05:35,959 --> 00:05:38,712 Are you saying that the Regional Controller 96 00:05:38,879 --> 00:05:40,995 boobed by saving so much money? 97 00:05:41,159 --> 00:05:43,798 Well, of course. Nobody asked him to. 98 00:05:44,559 --> 00:05:46,311 Suppose everybody did it! 99 00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,470 Suppose everyone went around saving money 100 00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:50,675 irresponsibly all overthe place. 101 00:05:51,079 --> 00:05:53,354 That's what the Ministerwants, isn't it? 102 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,032 Do sit down, Bernard. 103 00:05:57,719 --> 00:06:00,153 Ministers come and Ministers go. 104 00:06:00,559 --> 00:06:04,472 The average Minister lasts less than 11 months in any department. 105 00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:08,956 You see, Bernard, it is ourduty to assist the Minister 106 00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:12,873 to fight forthe Department's money despite his own panic reactions. 107 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:14,677 You mean help him overcome his panic. 108 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:18,115 No. No. No. No, we must let him panic. 109 00:06:18,319 --> 00:06:21,197 Politicians like to panic. They need activity. 110 00:06:23,039 --> 00:06:25,507 It's theirsubstitute forachievement. 111 00:06:27,079 --> 00:06:29,639 We must just ensure that it doesn't change anything. 112 00:06:30,799 --> 00:06:33,108 But they are the people's representatives, 113 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:34,678 democratically chosen. 114 00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:38,468 MP's aren't chosen by the people, but by their local party. 115 00:06:38,639 --> 00:06:42,473 35 men in grubby raincoats or35 women in silly hats. 116 00:06:43,239 --> 00:06:46,037 But the government are selected from the best of them. 117 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,788 Bernard, there are only 630 MP's. 118 00:06:50,199 --> 00:06:53,714 If one partyhas just over300 it forms a government. 119 00:06:53,999 --> 00:06:57,116 Of that 300, one hundred are too old and too silly, 120 00:06:57,279 --> 00:06:59,235 one hundred too young and too callow 121 00:06:59,399 --> 00:07:01,959 which leaves just about a hundred MP's to fill 122 00:07:02,119 --> 00:07:03,916 one hundred gobernmental posts. 123 00:07:04,079 --> 00:07:05,751 There's no choice al all. 124 00:07:05,919 --> 00:07:08,479 They've had no selection, no training. 125 00:07:08,639 --> 00:07:11,107 We have to do the job forthem. 126 00:07:12,439 --> 00:07:17,069 But how can we explain saving 32 million to the Minister? 127 00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:21,791 We can explain they've changed theiraccounting systems. 128 00:07:22,039 --> 00:07:24,473 Orthat they've redrawn the regional boundaries 129 00:07:24,639 --> 00:07:27,312 so that the current figures aren't operable. 130 00:07:27,719 --> 00:07:29,789 There are all sorts of possibilities. 131 00:07:30,959 --> 00:07:32,233 I see. 132 00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:37,597 Useful chat, Bernard, good job it nevertook place. 133 00:07:39,839 --> 00:07:41,318 Yes. Yes. Of course. 134 00:07:41,519 --> 00:07:43,794 So what else is ourfriend Weasel up to? 135 00:07:43,959 --> 00:07:45,392 Oh, he's ferretting. 136 00:07:46,919 --> 00:07:48,671 Ferretting? Where? 137 00:07:49,199 --> 00:07:50,871 It's a roving brief. 138 00:07:51,359 --> 00:07:54,908 Then we shall have to provide Rover with a government car. 139 00:07:55,239 --> 00:07:57,753 So thatwe'll know where he's digging. 140 00:07:59,559 --> 00:08:03,871 How... how are you getting on with your Minister, Humpy? 141 00:08:04,439 --> 00:08:06,828 Got this economising nosense undercontrol? 142 00:08:06,999 --> 00:08:09,229 Yes, I think so, Jumbo... more o less. 143 00:08:09,559 --> 00:08:12,119 - What do you mean more or less? - Well... yes and no. 144 00:08:13,119 --> 00:08:16,509 Presumably it's like all the other government economy drives? 145 00:08:16,799 --> 00:08:19,267 Three days of press releases, three weeks of memos, 146 00:08:19,439 --> 00:08:21,828 a crisis in the Middle East and back to normal? 147 00:08:21,999 --> 00:08:23,910 This one's slightly different. 148 00:08:24,119 --> 00:08:27,236 He's beginning to see slimming down the Service 149 00:08:27,399 --> 00:08:28,673 as his main task. 150 00:08:28,839 --> 00:08:31,399 Dammit, we don't need slimming! 151 00:08:34,359 --> 00:08:38,716 I think you might have to conduct anotherOperation HairShirt. 152 00:08:39,759 --> 00:08:43,354 Operation HairShirt. What a good idea. 153 00:08:43,799 --> 00:08:47,030 Guide him towards painful personal economies. 154 00:08:47,199 --> 00:08:49,394 Yes, you know. 155 00:08:49,799 --> 00:08:52,267 "Economy begins at home, Minister". 156 00:08:52,439 --> 00:08:54,236 "Set an example, Minister". 157 00:08:54,399 --> 00:08:57,550 "Can't expect others to do what we can't do ourselves, Minister". 158 00:08:57,999 --> 00:09:01,435 Yes, yes. Just what he needs, self denial. 159 00:09:02,719 --> 00:09:04,072 Splendid. 160 00:09:06,839 --> 00:09:09,751 Right. Item 3. The economy drive. 161 00:09:10,279 --> 00:09:13,157 Frank has come up with some startling indications 162 00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,230 of wastage in ourvery midst. 163 00:09:15,399 --> 00:09:18,709 - Has he really? - You'll be surprised. 164 00:09:18,879 --> 00:09:21,347 These facts are a frightening indictment 165 00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:23,828 ofbureaucratic sloppiness and self indulgence. 166 00:09:24,119 --> 00:09:25,234 Dear, dear. 167 00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:28,232 But as you'll see, they do give us enormous scope 168 00:09:28,399 --> 00:09:30,549 forsome really dramatic economies. 169 00:09:31,119 --> 00:09:32,268 Good show! 170 00:09:32,519 --> 00:09:36,398 Now, I have here two files: One on manpower, one on buildings. 171 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:39,153 Let's startwith the buildings. 172 00:09:40,639 --> 00:09:42,994 Chadwick House, West Audley Street. 173 00:09:43,159 --> 00:09:46,435 - A handful of people working there. - Yes, 20... 174 00:09:46,599 --> 00:09:48,829 I do happen to know about Chadwick House. 175 00:09:48,999 --> 00:09:51,229 - What do you know? - It's underused, 176 00:09:51,399 --> 00:09:54,869 but it is the office forthe new Commission forthe Environment. 177 00:09:55,039 --> 00:09:58,793 We're wondering if it's going to be big enough forall the staff. 178 00:10:00,639 --> 00:10:04,552 O. K. What about Ladysmith Buildings, Walthamstow. 179 00:10:04,719 --> 00:10:07,153 - Apparently that's empty. - Of course. 180 00:10:07,759 --> 00:10:11,877 - What do you mean, of course? - Security, I can say no more. 181 00:10:15,399 --> 00:10:17,355 Do you mean Ml6? 182 00:10:21,039 --> 00:10:22,836 What's that supposed to mean? 183 00:10:22,999 --> 00:10:25,115 We do not admit that Ml6 exists. 184 00:10:25,279 --> 00:10:28,510 - Everybody knows it exists. - Nevertheless, we do not admit it. 185 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:31,591 Not everyone round this table has been vetted. 186 00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:35,467 I thought thatwas something you do cats. 187 00:10:37,239 --> 00:10:40,072 Yes, indeed. But not ferrets, Minister. 188 00:10:43,039 --> 00:10:45,599 Ladysmith House is top secret. 189 00:10:45,919 --> 00:10:49,468 How can a seven storey building in Walthamstowbe top secret? 190 00:10:50,839 --> 00:10:52,909 Where there's a will there's a way. 191 00:10:53,799 --> 00:10:56,188 What about Wellington House and WestminsterOld Hall? 192 00:10:56,359 --> 00:11:00,398 Wellington House, Hyde Park Road, estimated value 7.5 million pounds. 193 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:02,356 WestminsterOld Hall, Sackville Square, 194 00:11:02,519 --> 00:11:04,510 estimated value 11 million pounds. 195 00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:07,352 Each building with a tiny staff, and both filled 196 00:11:07,519 --> 00:11:09,430 entirely with filing cabinets. 197 00:11:09,639 --> 00:11:13,348 - The source of these valuations? - Going rate forproperty. 198 00:11:13,519 --> 00:11:16,352 But neitherof them would fetch the going rate. 199 00:11:16,519 --> 00:11:19,511 Wellington House has no fire escape orfire doors 200 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,034 and the building wouldn't stand the alteration. 201 00:11:22,199 --> 00:11:25,111 - It can't be used as offices. - How are you able to use them? 202 00:11:25,359 --> 00:11:28,795 Government buildings do not require fire safety clearance. 203 00:11:28,959 --> 00:11:29,959 Why not? 204 00:11:30,119 --> 00:11:35,239 Well, perhaps because Her Majesty's Civil Servants are not easily inflamed. 205 00:11:40,039 --> 00:11:41,916 What about WestminsterOld Hall? 206 00:11:42,079 --> 00:11:44,388 Class one Registered Building. 207 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:46,914 Can't change current userdesignation. 208 00:11:48,759 --> 00:11:51,034 I see. 3 to 17 Beaconsfield Street? 209 00:11:51,199 --> 00:11:56,034 Ah, yes. Now, that has a three level reinforced concrete basement. 210 00:11:56,519 --> 00:11:57,588 So? 211 00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,317 It is there in case. 212 00:12:00,439 --> 00:12:01,439 In case? 213 00:12:01,599 --> 00:12:03,237 Well, you know, Minister. 214 00:12:03,399 --> 00:12:05,594 Emergency Government Headquarters, if and when. 215 00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:07,272 If and when what? 216 00:12:08,279 --> 00:12:10,839 If and when... you knowwhat. 217 00:12:11,079 --> 00:12:14,469 - What? - If and when you knowwhat. 218 00:12:14,639 --> 00:12:16,197 I don't knowwhat. What? 219 00:12:16,839 --> 00:12:19,512 What do you mean, if and when you knowwhat? 220 00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:21,192 When the chips are down, 221 00:12:21,359 --> 00:12:24,032 the balloon goes up and the lights go out... 222 00:12:25,479 --> 00:12:28,152 There has to be somewhere to carry on government, 223 00:12:28,319 --> 00:12:30,469 even if everything else stops. 224 00:12:30,799 --> 00:12:32,073 Why? 225 00:12:32,959 --> 00:12:37,396 Government doesn't stop just because the whole country's been destroyed. 226 00:12:40,399 --> 00:12:42,151 Annihilation's bad enough, 227 00:12:42,319 --> 00:12:44,549 without anarchy to make things even worse. 228 00:12:44,959 --> 00:12:47,427 You mean you'd have a lot of rebellions cinders? 229 00:12:49,759 --> 00:12:52,068 Who would be there foryou to govern? 230 00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:55,436 Well, there're bound to be some ordinary people around. 231 00:12:55,879 --> 00:12:59,110 - What about Central Registry? - No planning permission. 232 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:02,271 How does he know all this? You knewwhere I'd been. 233 00:13:02,439 --> 00:13:04,395 Obviously we knew where he'd been. 234 00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:06,231 Was he supposed to be spying? 235 00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:09,108 We do believe in open enquiries, don'twe? 236 00:13:11,079 --> 00:13:13,547 Let us turn to manpower. 237 00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:15,033 Yes, let's! 238 00:13:15,839 --> 00:13:18,512 Aparently there are 90 Civil Servants in Sunderland 239 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:21,512 duplicating the work of 90 more here in Whitehall. 240 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:24,068 That stems from a Cabinet decision. 241 00:13:24,239 --> 00:13:27,117 - Job creation in the North East. - Let's get rid of them. 242 00:13:27,279 --> 00:13:29,429 We'd get rid of 90 Civil Servants at a stroke. 243 00:13:29,599 --> 00:13:31,908 Yes, or indeed, at a strike. 244 00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:33,307 Yes. ¿What? 245 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:37,313 I would be wholeheartedly in favourof such a move. 246 00:13:37,479 --> 00:13:39,276 Itwould be a splendid economy. 247 00:13:39,439 --> 00:13:42,431 And show great political courage to sack staff 248 00:13:42,599 --> 00:13:45,716 in depressed marginal constituencies. 249 00:13:48,519 --> 00:13:51,113 There is nowhere we can cut down. 250 00:13:51,279 --> 00:13:54,032 - I see waste everywhere. - I agree with you, Minister. 251 00:13:54,199 --> 00:13:56,759 - There is scope foreconomy... - Well, where? 252 00:13:56,999 --> 00:14:00,469 Well. I sometimes feel that the very way we do things 253 00:14:00,639 --> 00:14:03,995 is on too lavish a scale. You know, cars, furnishings... 254 00:14:04,159 --> 00:14:06,468 entertainments, private office staff... 255 00:14:06,639 --> 00:14:09,358 - Duplicating machines... - Yes. Yes. Yes. Fine. Yes. 256 00:14:09,519 --> 00:14:11,430 That's where we'll start. 257 00:14:11,599 --> 00:14:14,432 - Unfortunately there is a difficulty. - I knew it! 258 00:14:14,599 --> 00:14:16,430 It does cause profound resentment 259 00:14:16,599 --> 00:14:19,557 if those at the top continue to enjoy the comforts 260 00:14:19,719 --> 00:14:21,675 they withdraw from those below them, 261 00:14:21,839 --> 00:14:24,478 not to mention the deeply damaging publicity... 262 00:14:24,759 --> 00:14:27,876 You mean you and I should... 263 00:14:28,079 --> 00:14:29,797 Set a personal example? 264 00:14:30,039 --> 00:14:31,711 Economy begins at home? 265 00:14:31,879 --> 00:14:35,315 We can't expect others to do whatwe don't do ourselves, can we? 266 00:14:36,599 --> 00:14:39,557 - Would it really save all that much? - Well, not directly, no. 267 00:14:39,719 --> 00:14:44,634 But, as an example to the whole public service... incalculable. 268 00:14:44,879 --> 00:14:46,198 Well, I don't know... 269 00:14:46,359 --> 00:14:49,635 Jim, there'd be a lot of great publicity in it: 270 00:14:50,679 --> 00:14:52,749 "The Ministershows the way". 271 00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:54,797 "Slimline Government". 272 00:14:54,959 --> 00:14:58,269 "Hackersets an example". "Save it" says Jim. 273 00:14:58,439 --> 00:14:59,997 Yes. Yes, that's it. 274 00:15:00,239 --> 00:15:01,991 Great, where do we start? 275 00:15:08,519 --> 00:15:11,352 - Oh! Turn the... - Sorry. Were you asleep? 276 00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:12,519 Yes. 277 00:15:14,119 --> 00:15:15,518 I missed my train. 278 00:15:15,879 --> 00:15:17,710 Had to walk all the way to Euston. 279 00:15:17,879 --> 00:15:20,393 - And the chauffeurdriven car? - Got rid of it. 280 00:15:20,559 --> 00:15:24,029 Got rid of the chauffeurtoo, and all that office furniture, 281 00:15:24,199 --> 00:15:27,032 drinks cabinet, half the staff in my private office. 282 00:15:30,199 --> 00:15:32,349 - You've been sacked. - No, no... 283 00:15:33,519 --> 00:15:35,794 - Then why? - It's an economy drive. 284 00:15:35,959 --> 00:15:39,952 I'm setting an example. No luxuries, no frills, no privileges... 285 00:15:40,319 --> 00:15:41,638 You're mad... 286 00:15:41,879 --> 00:15:45,588 For 20 years you've complained you had no facilities. 287 00:15:45,759 --> 00:15:48,273 - Now you're throwing them away. - But, darling... 288 00:15:48,439 --> 00:15:50,907 20 years you've wanted to be a success. 289 00:15:51,079 --> 00:15:54,071 Why, if it brings no greater comfort than failure? 290 00:15:54,239 --> 00:15:56,150 You don't really understand politics. 291 00:15:56,319 --> 00:15:59,709 This way it's going to bring me much more power in the end. 292 00:15:59,879 --> 00:16:03,554 And how are you going to travel when you are Prime Minister. 293 00:16:03,719 --> 00:16:04,993 Hitch hike? 294 00:16:13,199 --> 00:16:16,794 - Bernard, ourdiary session. - As soon as I've done this typing. 295 00:16:17,159 --> 00:16:19,992 - Can't you get...? - Not really, it's ratherurgent. 296 00:16:20,159 --> 00:16:23,276 And since the cutbacks there's just the two of us. 297 00:16:23,439 --> 00:16:25,157 Well, I must talk to you. 298 00:16:25,799 --> 00:16:27,391 - Mandy! Mandy! - Yes? 299 00:16:27,559 --> 00:16:28,628 Where's W? 300 00:16:29,439 --> 00:16:30,713 Top left. 301 00:16:31,479 --> 00:16:33,197 Bernard! Come in here! 302 00:16:34,559 --> 00:16:35,878 Now! 303 00:16:38,799 --> 00:16:42,997 I was double booked this morning. I was late forthat thing. 304 00:16:43,159 --> 00:16:45,593 - What thing? - The Business Efficiency Exhibition! 305 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,958 I do apologise, but whatwith the... 306 00:16:49,119 --> 00:16:51,428 staff economies in yourprivate office, 307 00:16:51,599 --> 00:16:54,238 it is awfully difficult to keep track. 308 00:16:54,399 --> 00:16:57,596 - What's happening this afternoon? - I'll get the diary. 309 00:17:00,759 --> 00:17:02,033 Not now, dear! 310 00:17:03,159 --> 00:17:04,387 Not now! 311 00:17:10,039 --> 00:17:13,156 - Morning, duck. - Do you have to do that now? 312 00:17:13,319 --> 00:17:16,550 Yes. Yes. They've cancelled the night shift. 313 00:17:16,719 --> 00:17:20,268 Some idiot's started another of those economy drives. 314 00:17:21,879 --> 00:17:24,154 - I'm Nellie. - Good. Well, the point is... 315 00:17:24,319 --> 00:17:25,547 Who are you? 316 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:27,598 I'm the Minister. 317 00:17:28,239 --> 00:17:30,799 Oh, really? 318 00:17:31,999 --> 00:17:36,629 Oh, I'm everso pleased to meet you. I voted foryou. 319 00:17:36,799 --> 00:17:38,755 Oh, good. Thank you. 320 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:40,837 You can call me Nellie. 321 00:17:40,999 --> 00:17:41,999 Thank you. 322 00:17:42,159 --> 00:17:44,992 - What do I call you? - Er... Jim. 323 00:17:45,159 --> 00:17:47,036 Here's the diary, Minister. 324 00:17:47,199 --> 00:17:49,838 Right. Turn that off, would you, dear? 325 00:17:49,999 --> 00:17:51,910 Turn it... Nellie! 326 00:17:52,919 --> 00:17:53,988 What? 327 00:17:54,159 --> 00:17:56,309 Would you excuse us? This is confidential. 328 00:17:56,479 --> 00:17:59,152 I've got to get on you know, Jim. 329 00:17:59,719 --> 00:18:00,868 So have I. 330 00:18:02,199 --> 00:18:03,199 Jim? 331 00:18:03,919 --> 00:18:05,910 Well, I won't use the hoover. 332 00:18:06,079 --> 00:18:08,673 I'll tiptoe, you'll nevernotice me. 333 00:18:08,839 --> 00:18:11,034 - Go please. - I'm light as a feather. 334 00:18:11,199 --> 00:18:12,951 Go! Now! 335 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,118 All right, Jim. 336 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:20,997 I can take a hint. 337 00:18:26,199 --> 00:18:31,193 It's just Mr. Brough this morning, our Directorof Manpower Planning. 338 00:18:31,439 --> 00:18:34,033 - Brough? - Yes, staff reductions. 339 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:37,908 - Oh, yes. - And then straight to the House. 340 00:18:38,079 --> 00:18:41,958 At 8 o'clock the French Prime Minister's reception at his Embassy. 341 00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:45,509 I must take the schedules down to the Whips Office. 342 00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:50,156 - Bernard... - Yes, Minister? 343 00:18:50,319 --> 00:18:51,877 It is worth it, you know... 344 00:18:52,039 --> 00:18:54,428 Centre page spread and three pictures. 345 00:18:54,599 --> 00:18:56,271 Yes, I have read it, Minister. 346 00:18:57,759 --> 00:19:01,388 See this one of me, with a cheese roll on a cardboard plate? 347 00:19:02,719 --> 00:19:05,552 "No luxury lunches in Hacker's new austerity regime". 348 00:19:05,719 --> 00:19:08,597 "Economy begins at home" said Jim Hackertoday, 349 00:19:08,759 --> 00:19:11,068 as he set an example to Britain's pampered army 350 00:19:11,239 --> 00:19:12,991 ofbowlerhatted bureaucrats". 351 00:19:13,599 --> 00:19:16,477 - Terrific, isn't it? - You have read it to me already. 352 00:19:16,919 --> 00:19:19,433 - Great, isn't it? - Yes, Minister. 353 00:19:21,719 --> 00:19:24,153 Economise on the beaches... 354 00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:27,557 - Excuse me. - Yes? Yes? 355 00:19:27,719 --> 00:19:30,438 - I'd like to see the Minister. - Do you have an appointment? 356 00:19:30,599 --> 00:19:32,555 Ron Watson, General Secretary 357 00:19:32,719 --> 00:19:36,029 of the Union of Civil Service Transport Workers. 358 00:19:36,199 --> 00:19:38,588 - Yes, Mr. Watson. - We're disturbed about rumours 359 00:19:38,759 --> 00:19:41,319 of redundancies affecting ourmembers... 360 00:19:41,479 --> 00:19:43,993 I'm sorry, you must have an appointment. 361 00:19:44,159 --> 00:19:46,878 - Phone me tomorrow. - Why can't I arrange it now? 362 00:19:47,039 --> 00:19:48,472 - I'm sorry. - Oh, really! 363 00:19:48,639 --> 00:19:52,109 Mandy, make an appointment for Mr. Watson fornextweek. 364 00:19:52,279 --> 00:19:53,279 Nextweek? 365 00:19:53,439 --> 00:19:55,350 Hello... Mr. Brough. 366 00:19:55,519 --> 00:19:57,555 Yes, we're expecting Mr. Brough now. 367 00:19:58,799 --> 00:20:00,869 When's it due in at Euston? 368 00:20:01,559 --> 00:20:04,312 We'll just have to cancel it fortoday then. 369 00:20:04,479 --> 00:20:07,152 Yes, yes, I'll tell him. Goodbye. 370 00:20:07,319 --> 00:20:08,832 Sorry to keep you. 371 00:20:09,159 --> 00:20:12,310 Now, about yourappointment. When would be convenient... 372 00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:14,947 - The meeting's cancelled then? - Yes. 373 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:18,236 - So I can see him now? - I'm afraid not, you see... 374 00:20:18,399 --> 00:20:20,355 Would you excuse me just a moment? 375 00:20:21,079 --> 00:20:23,468 Yes? No. He's not here. 376 00:20:24,199 --> 00:20:28,511 He's gone overto the Whips Office. Would you like the extension? 377 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,668 Ah, Mr... 378 00:20:33,439 --> 00:20:34,439 Brough? 379 00:20:34,599 --> 00:20:36,874 Mr. Brough's had to cancel the meeting. 380 00:20:37,039 --> 00:20:38,711 My name's Ron Watson. I'm... 381 00:20:38,879 --> 00:20:40,915 I'm glad you could get here instead. 382 00:20:41,079 --> 00:20:43,309 - Do sit down, won't you. - Oh, thank you. 383 00:20:43,479 --> 00:20:44,878 Now, Mr. Er... 384 00:20:45,039 --> 00:20:46,267 Watson. 385 00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:50,552 Before we start there's one thing I must make absolutely clear. 386 00:20:50,719 --> 00:20:52,550 This must not get out. 387 00:20:53,199 --> 00:20:55,633 If the unions were to get to hearof this 388 00:20:56,639 --> 00:20:58,834 all hell would be let loose. 389 00:20:59,319 --> 00:21:00,513 Oh, yes. 390 00:21:01,079 --> 00:21:04,355 Of course there'll be redundancies. You simply... 391 00:21:04,519 --> 00:21:06,953 You simply can't slim down 392 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:10,429 a giant bureaucracy like this without getting rid of people. 393 00:21:10,719 --> 00:21:12,516 Ultimately, a lot of people. 394 00:21:12,679 --> 00:21:15,716 Won't you be holding discussions with the Unions first? 395 00:21:15,879 --> 00:21:17,835 We'll go through the charade of discussions, 396 00:21:17,999 --> 00:21:20,069 but you know what Trade Unionists are like; 397 00:21:20,239 --> 00:21:22,548 thick as two short planks and bloody minded. 398 00:21:24,439 --> 00:21:25,554 All of them? 399 00:21:25,719 --> 00:21:28,279 Pretty well. Good lord, you should know. 400 00:21:28,439 --> 00:21:31,112 They're interested in poaching each other's members 401 00:21:31,279 --> 00:21:33,668 and they can't keep theirbig mouths shut. 402 00:21:34,639 --> 00:21:38,188 What about drivers and transport service staff? 403 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:39,394 First to go. 404 00:21:39,559 --> 00:21:42,027 We waste a fortuna on cars and drivers. 405 00:21:42,199 --> 00:21:45,316 - And they're all on the fiddle. - Oh, I see. 406 00:21:46,159 --> 00:21:50,630 Because, as I was trying to explain, I'm not Mr. Brough's deputy. 407 00:21:51,079 --> 00:21:55,311 I'm the General Secretary of the Union of Civil Service Transport 408 00:21:55,479 --> 00:21:57,788 and Associated Government Workers. 409 00:21:58,919 --> 00:21:59,919 Ah. I... 410 00:22:00,079 --> 00:22:02,718 I came here to check there was no truth in the rumours 411 00:22:02,879 --> 00:22:04,949 of redundancies formy members. 412 00:22:05,519 --> 00:22:07,271 Well... I... I... 413 00:22:09,439 --> 00:22:10,918 All I meantwas... 414 00:22:11,079 --> 00:22:12,148 Oh, God. 415 00:22:28,679 --> 00:22:31,034 He quotes me, word forword: 416 00:22:31,479 --> 00:22:34,152 "Of course there will be redundancies. Lots!" 417 00:22:34,599 --> 00:22:36,351 I'm most terribly sorry. 418 00:22:36,519 --> 00:22:39,079 - Are all the drivers on strike? - 100 % response. 419 00:22:39,239 --> 00:22:41,434 How could you allow this to happen? 420 00:22:41,599 --> 00:22:42,918 C. B. E., Minister. 421 00:22:43,919 --> 00:22:44,988 C. B. E? 422 00:22:45,159 --> 00:22:46,638 Can't be everywhere. 423 00:22:49,039 --> 00:22:51,314 Of course, in normal circumstances... 424 00:22:51,479 --> 00:22:53,515 Yes. Yes. I know, I know. 425 00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:57,316 You and Mrs. Hackerare due at the French Embassy at 8. 426 00:22:58,159 --> 00:23:00,878 Oh, yes. Get me the car, will you? 427 00:23:02,479 --> 00:23:07,473 Oh... Betterring Mrs. Hacker, ask herto bring ourcar into town. 428 00:23:07,639 --> 00:23:11,712 Mrs. Hackersays she has to drop it off at the garage. 429 00:23:11,879 --> 00:23:13,835 She'll have to do that tomorrow. 430 00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:16,474 It'll get us as faras Kensington. 431 00:23:16,999 --> 00:23:19,035 At least there are no problems about that. 432 00:23:30,719 --> 00:23:33,279 Annie, it's no good. We'll have to walk. 433 00:23:33,519 --> 00:23:35,794 - Have you got the umbrella? - No, haven't you? 434 00:23:36,719 --> 00:23:38,072 Terrific. 435 00:23:45,319 --> 00:23:49,073 - You're going the wrong way. - I'm not, I'm going home. 436 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:54,075 Annie! I think I've found what's wrong. 437 00:23:54,239 --> 00:23:55,513 I know I have! 438 00:24:12,879 --> 00:24:13,879 Oui, Monsieur? 439 00:24:14,039 --> 00:24:16,997 Her Majesty's Minister forAdministrative Affairs. 440 00:24:20,399 --> 00:24:21,912 My carbroke down. 441 00:24:24,239 --> 00:24:27,629 Mr. Hacker, you look as if you need some champagne. 442 00:24:27,919 --> 00:24:29,511 I do. Lots! 443 00:25:34,679 --> 00:25:35,714 Mr. Hacker? 444 00:25:37,759 --> 00:25:38,759 Hello. 445 00:25:40,279 --> 00:25:41,712 Thanks, mate. 446 00:25:44,719 --> 00:25:46,118 Gutterpress! 447 00:25:52,079 --> 00:25:54,229 All right, what do they say? 448 00:25:55,519 --> 00:25:59,148 "Mr. Economyfalls down in gutter afterchampagne party". 449 00:25:59,319 --> 00:26:01,514 - Oh, my God! - This one is better. 450 00:26:01,679 --> 00:26:04,147 "Hackertired and emotional after Embassy reception". 451 00:26:04,319 --> 00:26:06,833 - Is that better? - It's different. 452 00:26:08,319 --> 00:26:11,709 Do any of them say anything other than "tired and emotional"? 453 00:26:11,879 --> 00:26:14,439 William Hickey said you were overwrought, Minister. 454 00:26:14,599 --> 00:26:17,909 - Nothing about being drunk? - Just "overwrought". 455 00:26:18,199 --> 00:26:20,349 "Overwrought as a newt", actually. 456 00:26:22,159 --> 00:26:23,990 It couldn't really be any worse. 457 00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:26,077 I don'twant to depress you... 458 00:26:26,439 --> 00:26:29,192 but there is just this lead story in The Times. 459 00:26:30,399 --> 00:26:31,593 It is worse! 460 00:26:31,759 --> 00:26:35,877 "Hackerrecruit 400 new Civil Servants in, quote, "economy drive"! 461 00:26:36,039 --> 00:26:38,758 - 400 more Civil Servants? - You asked forthem. 462 00:26:38,919 --> 00:26:41,513 You demanded a complete study, facts and figures. 463 00:26:41,679 --> 00:26:44,068 These measures cannot be taken with non people. 464 00:26:44,239 --> 00:26:47,914 If you create more jobs, more people have to be employed. 465 00:26:48,079 --> 00:26:49,353 It's common sense. 466 00:26:49,519 --> 00:26:52,511 If you persistwith the Bureaucratic Watchdog Office, 467 00:26:52,679 --> 00:26:55,671 there'll be another400 new jobs there as well. 468 00:26:58,799 --> 00:27:00,994 - What are we going to do? - Well, Minister... 469 00:27:02,159 --> 00:27:04,070 If we were to end the economy drive 470 00:27:04,239 --> 00:27:06,355 and close the Bureaucratic Watchdog Office, 471 00:27:06,519 --> 00:27:08,669 we could issue a press announcement 472 00:27:08,839 --> 00:27:10,318 that you'd axed 800 jobs. 473 00:27:10,479 --> 00:27:14,313 Now, if you'd care to glance at this draft proposal... 474 00:27:14,559 --> 00:27:16,993 But nobody's doing those jobs. 475 00:27:17,159 --> 00:27:21,391 An even greatereconomy, we've saved 800 redundancy payments. 476 00:27:22,559 --> 00:27:26,154 But that's phoney, it's cheating it's dishonest, it's just... 477 00:27:26,479 --> 00:27:29,198 pulling the wool overpeople's eyes. 478 00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:31,554 A Government Press release, in fact. 479 00:27:31,759 --> 00:27:35,877 But what are we actually going to do slim down the Civil Service? 480 00:27:36,039 --> 00:27:40,317 Perhaps you'd care to glance at this entirely fresh proposal. 481 00:27:43,079 --> 00:27:45,912 "Proposal for the Reduction of the Number of 482 00:27:46,519 --> 00:27:47,872 Tea Ladies".