1 00:01:08,664 --> 00:01:10,621 Bernard. Minister not in yet? 2 00:01:10,784 --> 00:01:12,695 He's in his office, having a meeting. 3 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,092 What about? 4 00:01:14,264 --> 00:01:15,936 Nothing very important. 5 00:01:16,104 --> 00:01:17,298 I see. 6 00:01:17,464 --> 00:01:20,262 And whatwas that meeting in there yesterday? 7 00:01:20,464 --> 00:01:23,103 He was just reviewing procedures for briefing him 8 00:01:23,264 --> 00:01:25,573 on answers to Parliamentary questions. 9 00:01:26,224 --> 00:01:30,615 But there were Principals present and other assorted underlings. 10 00:01:30,904 --> 00:01:34,943 Just the ones who supply him with the information, actually. 11 00:01:35,104 --> 00:01:37,823 Bernard, this has to be stopped at once. 12 00:01:37,984 --> 00:01:38,984 Why? 13 00:01:39,144 --> 00:01:42,739 Lfhe talks to the underlings, he may learn things we don't know. 14 00:01:44,144 --> 00:01:48,057 - Ourposition could be undermined. - If it increases ourknowledge... 15 00:01:48,224 --> 00:01:51,534 It is folly if it's at the expense of your authority. 16 00:01:51,704 --> 00:01:52,704 Why? 17 00:01:53,504 --> 00:01:55,620 Bernard, please stop saying why. 18 00:01:55,864 --> 00:01:56,864 Why? 19 00:01:58,584 --> 00:02:01,144 I mean, could you develop that point please? 20 00:02:02,944 --> 00:02:06,095 Would you say that the Minister is starting to run the Department? 21 00:02:06,504 --> 00:02:09,177 Yes, things are going pretty well, actually. 22 00:02:09,344 --> 00:02:12,700 No, when a Ministeractually starts to run his Department 23 00:02:12,864 --> 00:02:14,820 things are not going pretty well. 24 00:02:14,984 --> 00:02:16,861 They are actually going prettybadly. 25 00:02:17,024 --> 00:02:19,902 But actually... er... I mean, in fact, 26 00:02:20,064 --> 00:02:22,658 isn't it the Minister's job to run the Department? 27 00:02:22,824 --> 00:02:24,462 No, Bernard, it is ourjob. 28 00:02:24,784 --> 00:02:26,581 Orto be more precise, it is my job, 29 00:02:26,744 --> 00:02:29,702 forwhich I've had 25 years experience and training. 30 00:02:29,864 --> 00:02:33,379 Don't you realise whatwould happen if the Ministerruns it? 31 00:02:33,544 --> 00:02:34,544 No, what? 32 00:02:34,704 --> 00:02:36,934 First, there would be chaos, naturally. 33 00:02:37,104 --> 00:02:39,664 And second, which is much more serious, 34 00:02:39,824 --> 00:02:41,655 there would be innovations. 35 00:02:41,824 --> 00:02:43,098 Changes, Bernard. 36 00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:45,141 Public debate. Outside scrutiny. 37 00:02:45,384 --> 00:02:46,817 Is that what you want? 38 00:02:48,384 --> 00:02:51,456 Good heavens, no. But what should he do then? 39 00:02:51,904 --> 00:02:54,134 A Ministerhas three functions. 40 00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:55,942 First, as an advocate, 41 00:02:56,104 --> 00:02:58,777 making the Department's actions seem plausible 42 00:02:58,944 --> 00:03:02,141 to Parliament and public, he is ourpublic relations man. 43 00:03:02,384 --> 00:03:04,818 Second, he is ourman in Westminster, 44 00:03:04,984 --> 00:03:08,021 steering our legislation through Parliament. 45 00:03:08,184 --> 00:03:10,618 And third, he is ourbreadwinner. 46 00:03:11,184 --> 00:03:13,857 He has to fight in Cabinet forthe money we need 47 00:03:14,024 --> 00:03:15,662 to run our Department. 48 00:03:16,344 --> 00:03:19,302 But, he is not here to review departmental procedures 49 00:03:19,464 --> 00:03:21,534 with Principals and Assistant Secretaries. 50 00:03:21,704 --> 00:03:24,172 - But ifhe's go the time. - Why has he got the time? 51 00:03:24,344 --> 00:03:27,017 He shouldn't. That's yourfault, Bernard! 52 00:03:27,264 --> 00:03:29,653 You must ensure he hasn't got the time. 53 00:03:30,304 --> 00:03:32,022 Create activity, Bernard! 54 00:03:32,224 --> 00:03:34,692 He should be making speeches, visits. 55 00:03:34,864 --> 00:03:36,900 We need deputations, junkets abroad, 56 00:03:37,064 --> 00:03:40,943 mountains of red boxes, we need crises, emergencies, panics! 57 00:03:41,344 --> 00:03:43,858 - Pull yourself together, Bernard. - Yes, but... 58 00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,697 - You leave spaces in his diary? - No, he makes those. 59 00:03:46,864 --> 00:03:48,616 - Fill them up. - He won't let me. 60 00:03:48,784 --> 00:03:50,456 Don't ask him. Do it. 61 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:54,693 Make sure he spends more time where he can't do any damage. 62 00:03:54,864 --> 00:03:58,493 - But where? - The House of Commons, for instance. 63 00:03:59,464 --> 00:04:02,456 I really do try my best. There's a deputation in there. 64 00:04:02,624 --> 00:04:04,774 What is it about, Bernard? 65 00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:09,335 Something completely trivial, preserving badgers in Warwickshire. 66 00:04:10,704 --> 00:04:12,535 Well done, Bernard. 67 00:04:13,584 --> 00:04:16,815 Why didn't you tell me this when I asked you before? 68 00:04:17,184 --> 00:04:19,937 Actually, I thought itwas rathertrivial. 69 00:04:20,104 --> 00:04:23,016 I didn't think you would approve, actually. 70 00:04:23,184 --> 00:04:24,936 Bernard. 71 00:04:26,104 --> 00:04:29,858 I'll try and find some more threatened species then, shall I? 72 00:04:30,024 --> 00:04:32,333 You may not have to look veryfar. 73 00:04:32,544 --> 00:04:36,378 Secretaries who can't occupy their Ministers are a threatened species, 74 00:04:39,264 --> 00:04:40,458 actually. 75 00:04:42,664 --> 00:04:46,623 We have a sacred trust to preserve ournatural heritage. 76 00:04:46,784 --> 00:04:50,060 That's what this new legislation is designed to ensure. 77 00:04:50,224 --> 00:04:53,614 As I said in the House, the system simply isn'tworking. 78 00:04:53,784 --> 00:04:55,297 It's a hotch- potch. 79 00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:57,734 Local authorities, tourist authorities, 80 00:04:57,904 --> 00:05:01,180 national parks, countryside commision, C. P. R. E. 81 00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:03,653 Nobody knows where they are, nothing gets done. 82 00:05:03,824 --> 00:05:05,894 They're all back biting and buck passing. 83 00:05:06,064 --> 00:05:07,736 You know what committees are like. 84 00:05:07,904 --> 00:05:09,337 We are a committee. 85 00:05:09,544 --> 00:05:13,583 Yes. I didn't mean yoursort of committee. 86 00:05:13,744 --> 00:05:17,737 But this new legislation is designed to create clearauthority, 87 00:05:17,904 --> 00:05:20,372 and save a great deal of public money. 88 00:05:20,544 --> 00:05:24,332 - You ought to welcome it. - But what about Hayward's Spinney? 89 00:05:24,504 --> 00:05:28,417 Afew very small areas will lose theirspecially protected status, 90 00:05:28,584 --> 00:05:31,098 because it isn't economical any longer, 91 00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:33,334 to maintain them as they ought to. 92 00:05:33,504 --> 00:05:36,302 Hayward's Spinney is a vital part of ourheritage. 93 00:05:36,464 --> 00:05:38,853 The badgers have dwelt there forgenerations. 94 00:05:39,024 --> 00:05:42,380 - Can you be sure of that? - It said so in The Guardian. 95 00:05:42,544 --> 00:05:43,693 Ah, well... 96 00:05:45,664 --> 00:05:49,373 Actually it says that the badgers have dwelt there forgenerations! 97 00:05:51,864 --> 00:05:53,456 Howwould you feel if you had 98 00:05:53,624 --> 00:05:56,058 a lot of office blocks built overyourgarden 99 00:05:56,224 --> 00:05:57,816 by a lot of giant badgers? 100 00:05:57,984 --> 00:06:00,544 But a lot of office blocks... giant badgers? 101 00:06:01,624 --> 00:06:04,218 There's nothing special about man, Mr. Hacker. 102 00:06:04,384 --> 00:06:07,296 We're not above nature. We're all a part of it. 103 00:06:07,464 --> 00:06:09,341 Men are animals too, you know. 104 00:06:09,504 --> 00:06:12,416 Yes, I've just come from the House of Commons. 105 00:06:13,144 --> 00:06:16,420 Sorry, Minister, you are due foryournext appoinment. 106 00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:17,858 Oh, what a pity. 107 00:06:18,024 --> 00:06:21,061 Thank you forputting yourcase so persuasively. 108 00:06:21,224 --> 00:06:22,657 It's been a pleasure. 109 00:06:22,824 --> 00:06:25,099 Left at the corridor and down the stairs. 110 00:06:26,064 --> 00:06:28,134 But whatwill you do about it? 111 00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:31,421 All views will be taken into consideration. 112 00:06:31,624 --> 00:06:33,774 Now if you'll excuse me... 113 00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:40,173 Very polished performance. Gracious. 114 00:06:40,344 --> 00:06:42,062 And said nothing. Very professional. 115 00:06:42,224 --> 00:06:44,533 - Why wasn't I warned? - About what? 116 00:06:44,704 --> 00:06:46,581 That unifying the administration 117 00:06:46,744 --> 00:06:50,054 would remove protected status from this beaverwhatsit? 118 00:06:50,224 --> 00:06:53,455 Badgercolony. Hayward's Spinney, East Warwickshire. 119 00:06:53,624 --> 00:06:55,421 Somebody must have know about it. 120 00:06:55,584 --> 00:06:57,336 If somebody did happen to know, 121 00:06:57,504 --> 00:07:00,860 they wouldn't necessarily know that you wanted to know 122 00:07:01,024 --> 00:07:03,663 what they happened to know, in case... 123 00:07:03,904 --> 00:07:06,623 - Ah! Sir Humphrey! - Humphrey! 124 00:07:06,944 --> 00:07:08,263 Good morning, Minister. 125 00:07:08,424 --> 00:07:11,734 Is it yourjob to help Ministers make fools of themselves? 126 00:07:11,904 --> 00:07:14,020 I have nevermet one that needed any help. 127 00:07:15,984 --> 00:07:17,542 No, it is the last thing... 128 00:07:17,704 --> 00:07:21,743 Why did you encourage me to say that unifying the administration 129 00:07:21,904 --> 00:07:25,340 meant no loss of amenity, when I've signed a death warrant 130 00:07:25,504 --> 00:07:27,142 fora whole army ofbeavers? 131 00:07:27,304 --> 00:07:28,862 - Badgers, Minister. - What? 132 00:07:29,024 --> 00:07:30,696 Beavers would have a navy. 133 00:07:33,264 --> 00:07:36,495 - Why did you let me do it? - I did not encourage you to say that. 134 00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:38,814 You did! The Department prepared this. 135 00:07:39,024 --> 00:07:41,538 - "No loss of amenity", it says. - No. 136 00:07:41,704 --> 00:07:44,776 - "No significant loss of amenity". - Same thing. 137 00:07:44,944 --> 00:07:47,014 There's all the difference in the world. 138 00:07:47,184 --> 00:07:50,176 Almost anything can be attacked as a "loss of amenity", 139 00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:53,780 and be defended as "not a significant loss of amenity". 140 00:07:53,944 --> 00:07:57,175 One should appreciate the significance of"significant". 141 00:07:57,464 --> 00:07:59,102 Well, be that as it may, 142 00:07:59,264 --> 00:08:01,380 any publicity would be very damaging. 143 00:08:01,544 --> 00:08:02,977 Oh, I think not. 144 00:08:03,144 --> 00:08:05,704 But if there is a loss of amenity... 145 00:08:05,864 --> 00:08:08,253 If you'd approve this release, you would see 146 00:08:08,424 --> 00:08:10,733 that it does counter all theirarguments. 147 00:08:10,904 --> 00:08:14,658 It points out that the spinney is deregistered, not threatened. 148 00:08:14,824 --> 00:08:17,941 Badgers are very plentiful all overWarwickshire. 149 00:08:18,104 --> 00:08:20,060 And it points out the connection 150 00:08:20,224 --> 00:08:22,533 between Badgers and brucellosis. 151 00:08:22,864 --> 00:08:26,493 "Cannot be regarded as a significant loss of amenity". 152 00:08:27,104 --> 00:08:29,459 So this might not get into the National Press? 153 00:08:29,624 --> 00:08:33,333 Afew lines on The Guardian. Nothing to worry about. 154 00:08:34,024 --> 00:08:36,333 Only the urban middle class worry about 155 00:08:36,504 --> 00:08:40,941 the preservation of the countryside, because they don't live in it. 156 00:08:41,864 --> 00:08:44,059 - Would that be all, Minister? - Yes! 157 00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,896 No, this may well blow over, 158 00:08:46,064 --> 00:08:48,498 but it doesn't answer my basic question. 159 00:08:48,664 --> 00:08:51,861 - Which was? - Why wasn't I told about it? 160 00:08:52,024 --> 00:08:56,336 There are those who have argued and indeed cogently 161 00:08:56,504 --> 00:08:59,177 that on occasion there are some things 162 00:08:59,344 --> 00:09:01,778 it is betterfora Minister not to know. 163 00:09:01,944 --> 00:09:03,502 What are you talking about? 164 00:09:03,664 --> 00:09:05,973 Minister, youranswers in the House 165 00:09:06,144 --> 00:09:08,374 and at the Press Conference were superb. 166 00:09:08,544 --> 00:09:11,217 You were convincing. The critics were silenced. 167 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,182 But could you have spoken with the same authority 168 00:09:14,344 --> 00:09:18,098 if the ecological pressure group had been badgering you? 169 00:09:18,864 --> 00:09:22,220 But I have a right to know! I am the people's representative! 170 00:09:22,384 --> 00:09:25,456 What right have you got to withhold this information? 171 00:09:25,624 --> 00:09:29,253 - It's in yourown best interests. - What do you mean? 172 00:09:29,424 --> 00:09:32,143 It's outrageous! It must not occuragain. 173 00:09:32,464 --> 00:09:35,262 I've a plan forthe reorganising of this Department 174 00:09:35,424 --> 00:09:37,380 which would ensure that it doesn't. 175 00:09:37,704 --> 00:09:39,296 - Indeed? - Yes, indeed. 176 00:09:39,464 --> 00:09:41,022 If I had one UnderSecretary 177 00:09:41,184 --> 00:09:43,937 and two Assistant Secretaries reporting to me... 178 00:09:44,104 --> 00:09:46,937 - Minister. Please! - Let me tell you my plan. 179 00:09:47,104 --> 00:09:48,662 The plan is immaterial. 180 00:09:48,824 --> 00:09:51,702 Minister, I have something to say to you 181 00:09:51,864 --> 00:09:53,661 which you may not like to hear. 182 00:09:54,104 --> 00:09:56,538 Why should today be any different? 183 00:09:57,944 --> 00:10:03,143 Minister, the traditional allocation of executive responsabilities 184 00:10:03,304 --> 00:10:06,023 has always been so determined as to liberate 185 00:10:06,184 --> 00:10:09,859 the ministerial incumbent from the administrative minutiae 186 00:10:10,024 --> 00:10:13,061 by devolving the managerial functions 187 00:10:13,224 --> 00:10:16,694 to those whose qualifications have betterformed them 188 00:10:16,864 --> 00:10:20,823 forthe performance of such humble offices, thereby releasing 189 00:10:20,984 --> 00:10:24,294 theirpolitical overlords forthe more onerous duties 190 00:10:24,464 --> 00:10:27,581 and deliberations which are the inevitable concomitant 191 00:10:27,744 --> 00:10:29,894 of theirexalted position. 192 00:10:35,424 --> 00:10:38,097 What made you think I wouldn'twant to hearthat? 193 00:10:38,744 --> 00:10:40,496 I thought it might upset you. 194 00:10:40,784 --> 00:10:43,696 How could it? I didn't understand a single word. 195 00:10:44,904 --> 00:10:47,976 Foronce in your life, put it into plain English. 196 00:10:48,144 --> 00:10:49,418 If you insist. 197 00:10:49,624 --> 00:10:52,616 You are not here to run this Department. 198 00:10:53,104 --> 00:10:54,423 I beg yourpardon? 199 00:10:54,584 --> 00:10:57,018 You are not here to run this Department. 200 00:10:57,184 --> 00:10:59,493 I think I am. The people think I am, too. 201 00:10:59,664 --> 00:11:03,179 With respect Minister, you are... they are wrong. 202 00:11:03,424 --> 00:11:05,335 And who does run this Department? 203 00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:06,659 I do. 204 00:11:06,824 --> 00:11:08,621 Oh, I see... 205 00:11:08,904 --> 00:11:11,577 - What am I supposed to do? - We've been through all this. 206 00:11:11,744 --> 00:11:13,223 Make policy. 207 00:11:13,384 --> 00:11:15,022 Get legislation enacted. 208 00:11:15,184 --> 00:11:18,460 And above all secure the Department's budget in Cabinet. 209 00:11:18,624 --> 00:11:20,933 It seems the budget is all you care about. 210 00:11:21,104 --> 00:11:22,776 It is rather important. 211 00:11:23,424 --> 00:11:26,063 We might end up with a department so small 212 00:11:26,224 --> 00:11:28,419 that even a Ministercould run it. 213 00:11:30,464 --> 00:11:33,581 Are we to have a disagreement about the nature of democracy? 214 00:11:33,744 --> 00:11:36,736 No, Minister, merely a demarcation dispute. 215 00:11:37,024 --> 00:11:39,902 What I mean is that the menial chore 216 00:11:40,064 --> 00:11:42,624 of running a department is beneath you. 217 00:11:43,024 --> 00:11:45,299 You're fashioned fora noblercalling. 218 00:11:45,544 --> 00:11:48,456 Well, I leave the routine paperwork to you 219 00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:51,582 but I must insist on direct access to all information. 220 00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:53,780 Neveragain "There are some things 221 00:11:53,944 --> 00:11:56,538 it is betterfora Minister not to know". 222 00:11:56,704 --> 00:11:59,537 - Well, Minister... - That is an order, Humphrey! 223 00:11:59,744 --> 00:12:03,657 As you say, Minister. If that is what you really want. 224 00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:07,499 It's treating Cabinet Ministers as if they were ten yearolds. 225 00:12:16,664 --> 00:12:17,664 Afternoon. 226 00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:19,576 - Finished with The Guardian? - Yes. 227 00:12:20,944 --> 00:12:23,299 I haven't got the Socialist Workerforyou. 228 00:12:24,184 --> 00:12:26,937 Daddy's pleased to see you down forbreakfast? 229 00:12:27,104 --> 00:12:30,016 - He hasn't seen you fora while... - I was having a lie-in. 230 00:12:30,544 --> 00:12:32,500 Betterthan a sit-in, I suppose. 231 00:12:33,664 --> 00:12:35,495 Why were you so late last night? 232 00:12:35,744 --> 00:12:39,100 There are some things it's better fora fathernot to know. 233 00:12:39,504 --> 00:12:40,857 Don't you start! 234 00:12:41,064 --> 00:12:43,453 - What? - Nothing, nothing. 235 00:12:43,624 --> 00:12:45,455 I was outwith the Trots. 236 00:12:45,984 --> 00:12:47,337 Gosh... 237 00:12:49,664 --> 00:12:51,575 Are you going to see a doctor? 238 00:12:52,624 --> 00:12:54,137 The Trotskyites! 239 00:12:54,704 --> 00:12:56,660 Oh, a Trotskyite now are you? 240 00:12:56,824 --> 00:12:57,973 No. Peter is. 241 00:12:58,144 --> 00:12:59,213 Peter? 242 00:12:59,424 --> 00:13:00,698 Yes, Peter. 243 00:13:01,784 --> 00:13:03,934 You've only met him about 15 times. 244 00:13:04,104 --> 00:13:06,413 Oh, is he the one with the... and the... 245 00:13:06,704 --> 00:13:07,704 Yes. 246 00:13:07,904 --> 00:13:09,940 - Jim, I need yourhelp today. - Whatwith? 247 00:13:10,104 --> 00:13:14,177 Shopping, the kitchen plughole's blocked, the lawn needs mowing. 248 00:13:14,344 --> 00:13:17,734 - I've got all these boxes to do. - They can wait. 249 00:13:17,944 --> 00:13:19,696 Annie, I am a Cabinet Minister. 250 00:13:19,864 --> 00:13:22,014 A member of Her Majesty's Government. 251 00:13:22,184 --> 00:13:23,902 It's a fairly important job. 252 00:13:24,064 --> 00:13:27,500 But you have 23.000 civil servants to help you, I haven't. 253 00:13:28,104 --> 00:13:31,779 Play with yourmemos later, the drains need fixing now. 254 00:13:32,064 --> 00:13:33,258 Oh, Lucy! 255 00:13:33,784 --> 00:13:36,457 You've got marmalade all overmy cabinet papers. 256 00:13:37,104 --> 00:13:38,104 Oh, God. 257 00:13:39,704 --> 00:13:42,264 Now I've got butteron them. Get a cloth. 258 00:13:42,424 --> 00:13:43,982 - Get it yourself. - Lucy. 259 00:13:45,784 --> 00:13:47,456 You're not in Whitehall now. 260 00:13:48,024 --> 00:13:50,902 "Yes, Minister", "Certainly", "Just as you say". 261 00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,055 "May I lick yourboots, Minister?" 262 00:13:53,224 --> 00:13:54,339 That's not fair. 263 00:13:54,504 --> 00:13:57,735 Those Civil Servants may be always kowtowing to Daddy, 264 00:13:57,904 --> 00:14:00,293 but they nevertake any notice ofhim. 265 00:14:03,264 --> 00:14:05,903 I've justwon a victory in my Department. 266 00:14:06,064 --> 00:14:07,622 Look at all those boxes. 267 00:14:08,664 --> 00:14:10,097 That's what I mean. 268 00:14:10,384 --> 00:14:14,263 You were better, now they've done a snow job on you again. 269 00:14:14,424 --> 00:14:17,222 - Not at all, I asked forall this. - Why? 270 00:14:17,904 --> 00:14:20,054 Humphrey said, "There are some things 271 00:14:20,224 --> 00:14:22,658 it's betterfora Minister not to know". 272 00:14:22,944 --> 00:14:26,334 He's witholding things forme, probably important things. 273 00:14:26,504 --> 00:14:30,133 So I have insisted that I am told everything that goes on. 274 00:14:31,264 --> 00:14:33,903 How did you get to be a Cabinet Minister? 275 00:14:34,064 --> 00:14:35,543 You're such a clot. 276 00:14:36,784 --> 00:14:38,456 - What? - Don't you see? 277 00:14:38,624 --> 00:14:41,661 You've played right into Humphrey's hands. 278 00:14:41,984 --> 00:14:45,738 An open invitation to swamp you with useless information. 279 00:14:45,904 --> 00:14:47,178 I don't think so. 280 00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:49,221 What's in that box, for instance? 281 00:14:49,384 --> 00:14:52,023 Technical reports, feasibility studies, 282 00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:54,140 past papers of assorted committees, 283 00:14:54,864 --> 00:14:56,695 stationery requisitions... 284 00:14:58,704 --> 00:15:00,695 Oh, damnation. 285 00:15:01,464 --> 00:15:03,614 You can'twin. It's Catch 22, isn't it? 286 00:15:04,344 --> 00:15:06,938 So little information you don't know the facts, 287 00:15:07,104 --> 00:15:08,901 orso much you can't find them. 288 00:15:09,224 --> 00:15:11,260 They've got you going and coming. 289 00:15:11,424 --> 00:15:13,984 - There's a story about you here. - I've read it. 290 00:15:14,144 --> 00:15:17,056 - "Hacker, The Badger Butcher". - Daddy's read it. 291 00:15:17,464 --> 00:15:19,694 - What's all this then? - Lot of rubbish. 292 00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:23,377 "Hackeradmitted that removing protected status 293 00:15:23,544 --> 00:15:26,820 from Hayward's Spinney mean the end of the badgercolony". 294 00:15:27,424 --> 00:15:30,894 "A spokesman forthe Preservation of British Wildlife said: 295 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,983 "Hackerhas signed the badger's death warrant". 296 00:15:34,144 --> 00:15:37,102 One: I am not a babgerb... badgerbutcher... 297 00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:39,496 Whatever it is. 298 00:15:39,864 --> 00:15:42,253 Two: Badgers are not an endangered species. 299 00:15:42,704 --> 00:15:44,774 Three: The removal of protected status 300 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,378 does not mean all the badgers will be shot. 301 00:15:47,704 --> 00:15:50,138 And four: If a fewbadgers die forthe sake 302 00:15:50,304 --> 00:15:53,979 of a masterplan thatwill save Britain's natural heritage, tough. 303 00:15:54,144 --> 00:15:55,941 A masterplan, mein F?hrer. 304 00:15:56,104 --> 00:15:58,493 - The end justifies the means? - Lucy... 305 00:15:58,664 --> 00:16:00,780 It's because badgers can't vote. 306 00:16:00,944 --> 00:16:04,300 Lfbadgers had votes, you wouldn't be exterminating them. 307 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:08,218 You'd be at Hayward's Spinney, shaking paws, and kissing cubs... 308 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:11,137 Ingratiating yourself the way you always do. 309 00:16:11,384 --> 00:16:14,581 - Not a nice thing to say. - It's tue, isn't it? 310 00:16:14,744 --> 00:16:18,373 Yes, but Daddy's in politics. He has to be ingratiating. 311 00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:20,978 - Thank you very much. - It's got to be stopped. 312 00:16:21,144 --> 00:16:24,420 - The decision has been taken. - I'm going to stop it. 313 00:16:24,824 --> 00:16:27,941 Quite simple, get yourself adopted as a candidate, 314 00:16:28,104 --> 00:16:31,255 win a general election, serve on the back benches, 315 00:16:32,104 --> 00:16:34,982 become a Minister and repeal the act. 316 00:16:35,664 --> 00:16:38,383 The badgers might be getting on a bit by then. 317 00:16:39,904 --> 00:16:42,543 Assistant Secretaries reporting to the Minister! 318 00:16:42,704 --> 00:16:43,704 I know. 319 00:16:43,864 --> 00:16:46,298 Does he think he is a civil servant? 320 00:16:47,144 --> 00:16:49,214 The arrogance of these politicians! 321 00:16:49,424 --> 00:16:50,618 Ah, Bernard. 322 00:16:53,264 --> 00:16:54,264 Thank you. 323 00:16:55,584 --> 00:16:56,937 Yes. 324 00:16:58,304 --> 00:16:59,419 Yes. 325 00:17:00,104 --> 00:17:01,219 Yes. 326 00:17:02,544 --> 00:17:03,772 Yes. 327 00:17:04,664 --> 00:17:06,063 Yes. 328 00:17:06,584 --> 00:17:07,699 Fine. 329 00:17:08,344 --> 00:17:11,142 You can show that last one to the Minister. 330 00:17:11,304 --> 00:17:13,181 He'll be quiet fora bit. 331 00:17:15,424 --> 00:17:17,062 Is something the matter? 332 00:17:17,264 --> 00:17:18,856 Well, it's just that... 333 00:17:19,424 --> 00:17:21,574 I've been increasingly worried about 334 00:17:21,744 --> 00:17:23,735 keeping things back from the Minister. 335 00:17:23,904 --> 00:17:25,895 - Shall I... - No, no, no. 336 00:17:26,064 --> 00:17:27,463 What do you mean? 337 00:17:27,624 --> 00:17:31,378 Why shouldn't he be allowed to know things ifhe wants to? 338 00:17:31,544 --> 00:17:32,977 Silly Boy! 339 00:17:34,064 --> 00:17:38,740 Bernard, this country is governed by Ministers making decisions 340 00:17:38,904 --> 00:17:41,099 from the various alternative proposals 341 00:17:41,264 --> 00:17:43,653 - thatwe offerthem, is it not? - Oh, yes. 342 00:17:43,904 --> 00:17:44,939 Well... 343 00:17:46,144 --> 00:17:48,374 If they had all the facts, 344 00:17:48,544 --> 00:17:51,456 they'd see all sorts of otherpossibilities. 345 00:17:51,664 --> 00:17:53,814 They might even formulate theirown plans 346 00:17:53,984 --> 00:17:56,817 instead of choosing between the ones thatwe put up. 347 00:17:56,984 --> 00:17:58,940 - Would that matter? - Would it matter! 348 00:17:59,104 --> 00:18:00,104 But why? 349 00:18:00,264 --> 00:18:03,813 As long as we can formulate ourown proposals, we can 350 00:18:04,544 --> 00:18:06,853 guide them to the correct decision. 351 00:18:07,024 --> 00:18:08,855 Can we? How? 352 00:18:10,584 --> 00:18:12,893 It's like a conjuror. 353 00:18:13,584 --> 00:18:15,097 The Three Card Trick. 354 00:18:15,264 --> 00:18:18,654 "Take any card", they pick the one that you intend. 355 00:18:19,144 --> 00:18:21,612 Ours is the fourword trick. 356 00:18:21,984 --> 00:18:26,296 There are fourwords if you want a Ministerto accept a proposal. 357 00:18:26,464 --> 00:18:29,740 Quick. Simple. Popular. Cheap. 358 00:18:30,704 --> 00:18:33,013 And there are fourwords fora proposal 359 00:18:33,184 --> 00:18:34,936 if you want it thrown out. 360 00:18:35,464 --> 00:18:38,695 Complicated. Lengthy. Expensive. Controversial. 361 00:18:39,664 --> 00:18:42,940 And to be really sure the Ministerdoesn't accept it, 362 00:18:43,104 --> 00:18:45,254 you say the decision is courageous. 363 00:18:45,424 --> 00:18:47,096 Worse than "controversial". 364 00:18:49,344 --> 00:18:51,778 "Controversial" means "this'll lose yourvotes". 365 00:18:51,944 --> 00:18:55,016 "Courageous" means "this will lose you the election". 366 00:18:55,544 --> 00:19:00,493 You see, if they have all the facts instead of just the options 367 00:19:00,784 --> 00:19:03,014 they might start thinking forthemselves! 368 00:19:03,544 --> 00:19:06,183 - And the system works? - Works? 369 00:19:06,744 --> 00:19:09,099 It's made Britain what she is today. 370 00:19:10,904 --> 00:19:12,098 Oh, yes. I see. Yes. 371 00:19:12,264 --> 00:19:15,813 - What about yourman? - I'm giving him plenty to read. 372 00:19:15,984 --> 00:19:17,576 Shouldn't you showhim 373 00:19:17,744 --> 00:19:20,463 the positive virtues ofbeing kept ignorant? 374 00:19:20,624 --> 00:19:24,014 Lfhe doesn't know that after 20 years as a politician... 375 00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:48,223 - You look worried, Bernard. - I've just found this letter. 376 00:19:48,384 --> 00:19:50,261 I don't know if I should open it. 377 00:19:50,424 --> 00:19:51,823 You know the rules. 378 00:19:51,984 --> 00:19:56,057 Private secretaries shall open all classifications up to Top Secret. 379 00:19:56,224 --> 00:19:59,182 Only letters marked "personal" shall remain unopened, 380 00:19:59,344 --> 00:20:01,653 unless the Minister orders otherwise. 381 00:20:01,864 --> 00:20:03,138 What about Daddy? 382 00:20:05,184 --> 00:20:07,698 Where does yourfather come into this? 383 00:20:08,304 --> 00:20:10,022 No. To "Daddy". "Urgent". 384 00:20:10,184 --> 00:20:11,663 - Does it say"Personal"? - No. 385 00:20:11,824 --> 00:20:13,735 Well then, it must be opened. 386 00:20:20,104 --> 00:20:23,699 - It's from the Minister's daughter. - You astound me. 387 00:20:27,744 --> 00:20:29,223 Trouble at the mill. 388 00:20:30,384 --> 00:20:32,898 Miss Hackerwill join the badgerprotest. 389 00:20:33,064 --> 00:20:35,339 - I thought itwas over. - She and herboyfriend. 390 00:20:35,504 --> 00:20:38,416 A 24 hour"Save the badgers" vigil in Hayward's Spinney 391 00:20:38,584 --> 00:20:40,336 unless protection is restored. 392 00:20:40,504 --> 00:20:43,701 And they announcing it to the press at 5.00 p. m. 393 00:20:43,864 --> 00:20:47,015 "Minister's daughter in badgerprotest vigil". 394 00:20:48,064 --> 00:20:50,703 A little embarrassing, but not too serious. 395 00:20:50,864 --> 00:20:54,413 The Ministerwill be more than a little embarrassed. 396 00:20:54,584 --> 00:20:57,860 "Minister's daughter in nude badgerprotest vigil". 397 00:20:58,424 --> 00:20:59,459 What! 398 00:20:59,624 --> 00:21:01,899 Miss Hacker and herboyfriend will be... 399 00:21:02,224 --> 00:21:04,215 that is, will not not be... I mean... 400 00:21:04,384 --> 00:21:07,581 - Do you mean starkers, Bernard? - Yes, Sir Humphrey. 401 00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:11,976 - A different complexion on it. - Especially in this weather. 402 00:21:14,624 --> 00:21:18,902 Put in crude journalistic terms, this makes it a big story. 403 00:21:19,064 --> 00:21:20,941 Front page: with photograph. 404 00:21:23,224 --> 00:21:24,418 Hello, Humphrey. 405 00:21:26,984 --> 00:21:28,497 Something the matter? 406 00:21:30,024 --> 00:21:31,024 Well? 407 00:21:31,864 --> 00:21:34,378 Shall we say a slight embarrassment, Minister? 408 00:21:34,664 --> 00:21:35,664 How slight? 409 00:21:36,264 --> 00:21:39,939 Withoutwishing in any sense to overstate the case 410 00:21:40,944 --> 00:21:44,414 orcause undue alarm, nevertheless, the fact remains... 411 00:21:44,584 --> 00:21:46,097 Come on! Outwith it. 412 00:21:46,944 --> 00:21:49,663 - I have a confession to make. - That's a change. 413 00:21:50,344 --> 00:21:53,973 Well, come on, Humphrey, make a clean breast of it. 414 00:21:54,384 --> 00:21:57,456 Not the happiest of phrases underthe circumstances. 415 00:21:58,064 --> 00:21:59,133 How do you mean? 416 00:21:59,304 --> 00:22:01,613 I have to confess that the badgers 417 00:22:01,784 --> 00:22:05,140 may be a somewhat biggerstory than we thought. 418 00:22:05,304 --> 00:22:08,899 Don't tell me they're going to have kittens. 419 00:22:09,104 --> 00:22:12,221 It is not the badgers who are going to have kittens. 420 00:22:12,384 --> 00:22:16,172 There'll be a 24 hourprotest vigil in Hayward's Spinney. 421 00:22:16,344 --> 00:22:19,541 - Thatwouldn't be newsworthy. - This is slightly different. 422 00:22:19,704 --> 00:22:21,615 It's to be conducted... 423 00:22:22,344 --> 00:22:26,303 by a girl student and herboyfriend. 424 00:22:27,224 --> 00:22:28,896 - Just the two of them? - Yes. 425 00:22:29,064 --> 00:22:31,419 They don't matter. A pairof layabouts. 426 00:22:31,584 --> 00:22:34,257 - They might matterto some people. - Nonsense. 427 00:22:34,424 --> 00:22:37,496 These students are just exhibitionists. 428 00:22:37,664 --> 00:22:40,497 In this case they have something to exhibit. 429 00:22:40,864 --> 00:22:43,697 - How do you mean? - It's to be a nude protest vigil. 430 00:22:43,944 --> 00:22:45,013 I see. 431 00:22:45,264 --> 00:22:48,097 - Thatwould make the front pages! - Yes, quite so. 432 00:22:48,544 --> 00:22:50,774 The press just mustn't find out. 433 00:22:50,944 --> 00:22:54,016 I don't know what gets into these students. 434 00:22:54,184 --> 00:22:57,142 - It's appalling. They're shameless. - Indeed, Minister. 435 00:22:57,304 --> 00:22:58,896 It's theirparents. 436 00:23:00,344 --> 00:23:02,221 They don't bring them up properly. 437 00:23:02,384 --> 00:23:04,420 Just let them run wild and feed them 438 00:23:04,584 --> 00:23:06,654 all this antiestablishment nonsense. 439 00:23:06,824 --> 00:23:09,622 Perhaps it isn't entirely the parents fault. 440 00:23:09,784 --> 00:23:11,183 Of course it is! 441 00:23:11,984 --> 00:23:13,337 Authority, Humphrey. 442 00:23:13,504 --> 00:23:15,222 All this is an indictment 443 00:23:15,384 --> 00:23:17,659 of theirparent's lack of discipline. 444 00:23:18,144 --> 00:23:22,422 So they just take it out on innocent people like me. 445 00:23:23,744 --> 00:23:26,656 - Who are they? - We know the young lady's name. 446 00:23:26,824 --> 00:23:28,621 Lady! Who is she? 447 00:23:29,184 --> 00:23:31,220 It seems she's a Miss Hacker. 448 00:23:31,744 --> 00:23:33,416 Hacker... oh, that's my name. 449 00:23:35,184 --> 00:23:36,697 That's a coincidence. 450 00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:39,495 Not a complete coincidence. 451 00:23:42,024 --> 00:23:43,935 Not... not Lucy? 452 00:23:46,064 --> 00:23:47,099 Oh, my God! 453 00:23:48,424 --> 00:23:49,857 Oh, my God! 454 00:23:50,384 --> 00:23:53,182 She will be telephoning in ten minutes time. 455 00:23:54,664 --> 00:23:58,976 Perhaps the press won't be all that interested? No, no... 456 00:24:00,024 --> 00:24:02,936 Butwill they go all the way up to Warwickshire? 457 00:24:03,424 --> 00:24:04,903 Fora story like this, 458 00:24:05,064 --> 00:24:07,862 they'll go all the way to the South Pole. 459 00:24:08,024 --> 00:24:11,016 This story must be killed. Advise me, Humphrey. 460 00:24:11,304 --> 00:24:14,376 What about a little parental discipline? 461 00:24:14,544 --> 00:24:15,613 Don't be silly. 462 00:24:15,784 --> 00:24:19,743 - Make her listen to reason. - She's a sociology student. 463 00:24:22,304 --> 00:24:25,262 Perhaps Mrs. Hacker could lock her in herroom? 464 00:24:25,424 --> 00:24:28,097 Annie's out atwork. What about the police? 465 00:24:28,264 --> 00:24:31,097 "Ministersets police on nude daughter". 466 00:24:31,264 --> 00:24:33,824 I'm not sure that completely kills the story. 467 00:24:33,984 --> 00:24:37,897 - There must be something. - Perhaps if I look at the files... 468 00:24:38,064 --> 00:24:40,817 My daughter's about to get page one of the Sun, 469 00:24:40,984 --> 00:24:44,260 and probably page three, and you just think of the files. 470 00:24:44,424 --> 00:24:46,858 - Nevertheless... - They're all out there. 471 00:24:48,224 --> 00:24:50,738 - What angle they'll take? - Wide angle. 472 00:24:53,104 --> 00:24:55,618 Opposition will have fun with this. 473 00:24:55,944 --> 00:24:58,219 "Does the proud father wish to make a statement?". 474 00:24:58,384 --> 00:25:00,944 "Is the Hackerfamily getting too much exposure?". 475 00:25:01,184 --> 00:25:03,414 "Is the Ministertrying to conduct a coverup?". 476 00:25:03,584 --> 00:25:06,462 "Does he run his Department betterthan his family?". 477 00:25:06,904 --> 00:25:09,293 You'd like me to tell them that Humphrey runs it? 478 00:25:09,464 --> 00:25:12,183 No, of course not. I am your Private Secretary. 479 00:25:12,344 --> 00:25:14,983 Do you mean that when the chips are down, 480 00:25:15,144 --> 00:25:17,021 you're on my side, not Humphrey's? 481 00:25:17,184 --> 00:25:19,982 Minister, it's my job to see the chips stay up. 482 00:25:26,904 --> 00:25:27,904 Hello? 483 00:25:28,064 --> 00:25:30,419 Can I speak to Mr. Hacker? It's his daughter. 484 00:25:30,584 --> 00:25:32,142 It's foryou, Minister. 485 00:25:33,144 --> 00:25:34,577 Lucy. Hello, darling. 486 00:25:34,904 --> 00:25:36,337 - Hello, Daddy. - I got yournote. 487 00:25:36,504 --> 00:25:38,495 Fora moment I thought itwas serious. 488 00:25:38,824 --> 00:25:41,418 It is serious. It's deadly serious. 489 00:25:41,584 --> 00:25:44,382 Pete and I are just going to ring the press, 490 00:25:44,544 --> 00:25:46,455 then we're off to the Spinney. 491 00:25:46,624 --> 00:25:48,899 Don't do that! Think of the damage. 492 00:25:49,064 --> 00:25:50,292 What damage? 493 00:25:50,464 --> 00:25:51,977 Well... to me. 494 00:25:52,144 --> 00:25:53,896 To you? Isn't that typical? 495 00:25:54,064 --> 00:25:55,656 What about damage to badgers? 496 00:25:55,824 --> 00:25:57,860 You're not going to be exterminated. 497 00:25:58,024 --> 00:26:00,015 Well, in a sense, yes. 498 00:26:00,184 --> 00:26:02,175 Then you knowwhat to do. 499 00:26:02,784 --> 00:26:04,775 - Ten... - Look... Look... 500 00:26:04,944 --> 00:26:06,093 - Nine... - Lucy, don't... 501 00:26:06,264 --> 00:26:07,617 - Eight... - Lucy! 502 00:26:07,784 --> 00:26:10,093 If I could have a word with the young lady. 503 00:26:10,264 --> 00:26:12,824 Sir Humphrey Appleby wants a word with you. 504 00:26:12,984 --> 00:26:16,101 - A new development. - Six... five... 505 00:26:16,904 --> 00:26:19,976 Miss Hacker... Ah, how do you do? 506 00:26:20,264 --> 00:26:22,016 Humphrey Appleby here. 507 00:26:22,504 --> 00:26:25,655 - Mr. Hacker's Permanent Secretary. - Five and holding. 508 00:26:25,824 --> 00:26:27,621 If I could just have a word. 509 00:26:27,784 --> 00:26:31,618 I have just seen the latest report from the Government's inspectors, 510 00:26:31,784 --> 00:26:34,503 which throws new light on the issue. 511 00:26:34,864 --> 00:26:35,864 Why? 512 00:26:36,024 --> 00:26:39,255 Apparently there is no badgercolony in Spinney. 513 00:26:39,424 --> 00:26:40,823 Now, it says here 514 00:26:41,504 --> 00:26:45,292 "Last evidence ofbadger droppings, freshly turned earth 515 00:26:45,464 --> 00:26:47,420 was recorded eleven years ago". 516 00:26:47,584 --> 00:26:48,653 But the papers... 517 00:26:48,824 --> 00:26:53,022 Apparently the story was fed to them by a property developer. 518 00:26:53,824 --> 00:26:56,736 - Property developer? - Yes. The Council has plans 519 00:26:56,904 --> 00:27:00,214 to use the spinneyfora new College of Further Education, 520 00:27:00,384 --> 00:27:03,820 and the developerwants it foroffices and luxuryflats. 521 00:27:03,984 --> 00:27:07,260 Well, if it's protected he won't be able to. 522 00:27:07,424 --> 00:27:09,415 And, norwill the Council. 523 00:27:09,744 --> 00:27:12,816 And he knows they'll use the moneyforsomething else, 524 00:27:13,064 --> 00:27:16,534 then he can establish that there's no badgercolony, 525 00:27:16,704 --> 00:27:20,174 get the protection orderremoved and build his offices. 526 00:27:20,344 --> 00:27:21,697 It's common practice. 527 00:27:22,624 --> 00:27:26,014 So there isn't any wildlife in the spinney at all? 528 00:27:26,184 --> 00:27:29,540 Well, there is some. It's been used as a rubbish dump 529 00:27:29,704 --> 00:27:34,255 by people from Wootton Wawen, so there're lots of rats. 530 00:27:35,104 --> 00:27:38,141 - Rats? - Yes. Several thousand, actually. 531 00:27:39,184 --> 00:27:42,654 They are wildlife too, in theirway, aren't they? 532 00:27:42,864 --> 00:27:45,662 Itwould be a pity to play into the developer's hands. 533 00:27:46,064 --> 00:27:47,861 Yes, I suppose itwould. 534 00:27:48,024 --> 00:27:51,414 Yes, I very much respect yourviews and yourcommitment. 535 00:27:51,584 --> 00:27:53,461 Would you like to speak to the Minister? 536 00:27:53,624 --> 00:27:57,299 No, that's all right. Oh, well. Forget it then. 537 00:28:00,744 --> 00:28:03,258 Humphrey! I take it all back! 538 00:28:04,344 --> 00:28:07,302 Itwas nothing, Minister. Itwas all in the files. 539 00:28:07,464 --> 00:28:08,943 A property developer! 540 00:28:09,104 --> 00:28:12,016 The cunning devils... Let me look at the file! 541 00:28:12,664 --> 00:28:15,861 I don't think you'd find them interesting. 542 00:28:16,864 --> 00:28:20,095 - Let me have a look. - No, I don't think you'd... 543 00:28:20,264 --> 00:28:21,538 Humphrey! 544 00:28:22,664 --> 00:28:24,495 Itwas true, wasn't it? 545 00:28:26,024 --> 00:28:29,460 Was there one word of truth in that whole story 546 00:28:29,624 --> 00:28:31,057 you told to Lucy? 547 00:28:31,304 --> 00:28:34,376 Do you really want me to answerthat question? 548 00:28:36,424 --> 00:28:37,618 No. 549 00:28:38,904 --> 00:28:40,860 - I don't think I do. - Quite so. 550 00:28:41,264 --> 00:28:44,813 Perhaps there are some things it is betterfora Ministernot to know.