1 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,790 We can't economise in accommodation? 2 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:49,076 'Fraid not, Minister. 3 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:53,392 - Data-processing equipment? - Not possible. 4 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:57,951 - The further education budget? - Sadly, it can't be. 5 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:02,710 At least the universities won't cost us as much, 6 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:06,759 with overseas students paying fees covering education costs. 7 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:11,675 - Unless you make exceptions...? - No, sorry, no exceptions. 8 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,751 At least, that's one saving. 9 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:17,595 - Minister, it's... - Yes, of course. 10 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:20,354 That's all, I'm afraid. Meeting over. 11 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:22,158 - Thank you - Thank you. 12 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:24,951 Before Sir Humphrey comes, 13 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:29,830 Number 10 asked you to approve recommendations for the honours list. 14 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,434 That's the eighth time you've asked. 15 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:35,831 Are honours the most serious concern of this department? 16 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:40,710 They are to the people on the list. Some haven't slept fordays. 17 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:45,112 What are they worried about? Ministers never veto honours. 18 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:48,875 It's possible. They're worried about the delay. 19 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:53,033 How do people know they're listed? It's marked "Strictly Confidential". 20 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,952 Oh, Minister... 21 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,358 Silly of me. 22 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:02,479 If they'd put some of that effort into cutting expenditure... 23 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,757 How can I make people want economies 24 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:09,515 in the same way they want OBEs and KCBs? 25 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:13,195 I've been thinking... No, no, no. 26 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,999 - What? - No, no, nothing... 27 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,119 Spit it out. 28 00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:23,236 It's not my place, and I couldn't possibly recommend it... 29 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:27,518 Suppose you were to refuse to recommend any honours 30 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:32,674 for civil servants who hadn't cut their budgets by 5 %? 31 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,678 - Bernard! - Sorry, Minister... 32 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:39,957 No, Bernard! It's brilliant! 33 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:45,876 It's the answer. It's the only hold we have over the civil servants. 34 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:49,510 I can't stop their pay rises or their promotions. 35 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:54,196 I don't even write their reports, but I can with hold their honours! 36 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:57,636 - Well done. - You thought of it, Minister. 37 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:02,032 - No, no, you thought of it. - No, you thought of it. 38 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,069 Please! 39 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:11,839 Just a touch, please. Thank you very much. 40 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,913 Splendid dinner. I always enjoy my visits here. 41 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:19,311 I'm afraid this could be your last. 42 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:23,268 Why? Did I pass the port the wrong way? 43 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:27,274 - Tell him, Bursar. - The college's going to the wall. 44 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:32,878 It's your new policy of charging overseas students full rates. 45 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,349 Other Oxford colleges can cope, 46 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:40,275 but we've always had many overseas students here at Baillie. 47 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:43,989 You simply charge them a full fee, no problem. 48 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:48,073 Unless they can't pay £4,000 a year. They won't come. 49 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:54,554 I've been all over the USA, selling them the idea of an Oxford education. 50 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:57,632 Africa is crawling with British professors 51 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:02,430 frantically trying to flog sociology courses to the natives. 52 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:06,832 And India and the Middle East. Competition is cut-throat. 53 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,595 Why not fill up vacancies with British undergraduates? 54 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:14,631 I don't think that's awfully funny, Humphrey. 55 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:20,788 - I wasn't trying to be funny. - Anything but home students! 56 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:26,318 - Why? - We only get 500 a head forthem. 57 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:31,235 We'd have to take 400 to replace a mere 50 foreigners. 58 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:35,871 The staff/student ratio would go from 1:10 to 1:34. 59 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:41,319 We'd have classrooms, dormitories... like Wormwood Scrubs! 60 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,873 Or the University of Sussex! 61 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:52,999 The Master thinks the pictures mayfetch £20- 30,000. 62 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,469 The pictures and silver together 63 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:59,030 might just pay the mortgage interest. 64 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,794 Dear, oh, dear! 65 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:06,476 Orwe could get the Government to treat us as an exception. 66 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,313 Interestingly, Humphrey, 67 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:14,634 it seems to be your Minister who has the authority. 68 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:24,033 Howmight one persuade a Minister of the importance of Baillie College? 69 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:28,318 Why not get him down to a High Table dinner? 70 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:33,429 Is he of the intellectual calibre to understand our case? 71 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,550 Oh, yes! 72 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,271 It's intelligible to anyone 73 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,557 with the intellectual calibre of Winnie the Pooh! 74 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,517 Quite! 75 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:50,674 And Hacker is of the intellectual calibre of Winnie the Pooh? 76 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:53,917 Oh, yes! 77 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,831 On his day. 78 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,389 - Morning, Minister. - Morning, Humphrey. 79 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:04,357 Two things, Minister. 80 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:09,958 Firstly, the departmental recommendations for the honours list. 81 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,317 - The honours list again! - Yes, Minister. 82 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:18,076 - Let's leave that for the moment. - We can't leave it, Minister. 83 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:21,550 - It's getting nearthe five weeks. - Five weeks? 84 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:24,678 All recipients are notified five weeks before. 85 00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:26,910 It gives them time to refuse. 86 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,675 When did a civil servant last refuse an honour? 87 00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:33,593 Somebody in the Treasury refused a knigh thood. 88 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,196 - When? - I think itwas 1496. 89 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:40,957 - Why? - He'd already got one. 90 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:44,351 - Lf you've approved the list... - Humphrey... 91 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:47,830 Did you know that 20 % of honours go to civil servants? 92 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,798 Afitting tribute to their devotion to duty. 93 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,030 That's what they get paid for. 94 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:57,079 The rest of us have to do something special to get an honour. 95 00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:02,109 They work for years with the mentally handicapped to get an MBE. 96 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:05,511 Your knigh thoods simply come up with the rations. 97 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:09,514 Minister, her Majesty's civil servants spend their lives 98 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:14,151 working for a modest wage and at the end retire in to obscurity. 99 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:19,239 Honours are a small reward for a lifetime of loyal, 100 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:24,633 self-effacing discretion and devoted service to the nation. 101 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,155 - "A modest wage"? - Alas, yes. 102 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:30,630 You get over£30,000 a year! 103 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:35,476 - That's £7,000 more than I get. - But still relatively modest. 104 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,713 Relative to whom? 105 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:41,075 Elizabeth Taylor, for example. 106 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:44,440 You are not relative to Elizabeth Taylor. 107 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,190 There are important differences. 108 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:50,837 Indeed, yes. She didn't get a first at Oxford. 109 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,556 And retire into obscurity? 110 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:58,840 You take a massive pension and become directors of oil companies. 111 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,036 But very obscure directors. 112 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:05,512 You're in no dangerof the sack. In industry, you get the boot. 113 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,717 In the civil service, if you screw up, I get the boot! 114 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:12,675 - Very droll, Minister. The list... - No, Humphrey. 115 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:17,197 I'll not approve any honour to any civil servant who hasn't earned it. 116 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,396 - What do you mean, "earned it"? - I mean "earned it". 117 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:25,838 - Done something to deserve it. - But that's unheard of! 118 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:31,948 My new policy is to withhold all honours from civil servants 119 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:36,033 who do not make a cut in their budgets of 5 % per year. 120 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,909 Your silence indicates approval? 121 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:46,039 It does not! Where did you get that preposterous idea? 122 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:48,193 It... 123 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:56,474 ...just came to me. - It's ridiculous! Unheard of! 124 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,200 The whole idea is... It's... 125 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:02,397 It strikes at the very roots of... 126 00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:05,154 It's the beginning of the end! 127 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,437 The thin end of the wedge! A Bennite solution! 128 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:12,314 What next? Abolition of the monarchy? 129 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:14,118 Don't be absurd. 130 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,556 The system has worked so well in the past. 131 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,039 It hasn't. 132 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:23,432 - Give it a fairtrial. - I thought you might say that... 133 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:30,358 The Most Noble Order of the Garter was founded in 1348 by Edward III. 134 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,432 It's at the end of its trial period now. 135 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:38,355 Minister, if you block honours pending economies, 136 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,478 you might create a dangerous precedent. 137 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,151 If we do the right thing now, 138 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,312 we'll have to do the right thing next time? 139 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:50,711 - Nothing would get done at all! - On the contrary. 140 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:55,078 - Many things must be done, but... - Nothing done for the first time. 141 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:56,559 No, Minister! 142 00:09:56,720 --> 00:10:02,511 I'm fully seized of your aims, and I'll try to put them into practice. 143 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:03,999 To that end, 144 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:08,312 I recommend we set up a committee with broad terms of reference, 145 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:12,314 so we're in a position to think through the various implications 146 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,631 and decide based on long-term considerations 147 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:20,271 rather than rush prematurely into precipitate and ill-conceived actions 148 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:23,830 which might have unforeseen repercussions. 149 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:27,399 You mean "no"? 150 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:32,395 I mean, as faras one can see, in the fullness of time... 151 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:35,233 No, no, no, Humphrey. 152 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,550 You know me: Action now! 153 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,392 Action now. 154 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:43,472 Nobody in their right mind can want honours. 155 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,757 They encourage sycophancy, snobbery, jealousy, 156 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,718 and civil servants shouldn't get them all! 157 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:54,557 - But Minister... - No, no! I'm sorry. I have decided. 158 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,553 - Your other point? - Other point? 159 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:00,553 - You had two. - Did I? 160 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:04,315 Yes, I'm sorry. The shock! 161 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:10,677 Yesterday, I had representations from Baillie College, Oxford. 162 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:16,312 Grants for overseas students... They'll lose millions a year. 163 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:19,278 They must just take more British students. 164 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:23,554 Nothing would please them more, but you see... 165 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:26,598 Baillie has many foreign students, 166 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,830 and there could be repercussions 167 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:32,470 at the schools of tropical medicine, international law, 168 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:35,757 and the Arabic department may have to close down. 169 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:39,515 We can't educate foreigners at the taxpayer's expense. 170 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,432 Not just foreigners. 171 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:47,038 If the diplomatic service had nowhere to immerse its recruits, 172 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:52,035 the results could be catastrophic, with a pro-Israeli Foreign Office! 173 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,360 What would happen to our oil policy? 174 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,239 Its recruits must go elsewhere. 175 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,834 Where else would they learn Arabic? 176 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,036 Arabia? 177 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,873 Baillie College has an outstanding record. 178 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:09,589 - It's filled our jails for years. - Jails? 179 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:13,594 Yes. The letters "JB" are the finest honour in the Commonwealth. 180 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:17,355 - "JB"? - "Jailed by the British". 181 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,432 Gandhi, Nkrumah, Makarios, 182 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:24,593 Ben-Gurion, Kenyatta, Nehru, Mugabe. 183 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:29,834 The list of leaders is endless and contains several of ourstudents. 184 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,956 "Ourstudents"? 185 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:35,032 Humphrey... which college did you go to? 186 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,709 That is quite beside the point. 187 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,075 I like being beside the point. 188 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:45,555 Humourme, Humphrey. Which college did you go to? 189 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:48,792 Was it Baillie, by any strange coincidence? 190 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,797 It so happens... I am a Baillie man, 191 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,155 but that has nothing to do with it! 192 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,151 No, of course not. 193 00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,550 Perish the thought. Naughty. 194 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,715 Yes? The division, Minister. 195 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:06,190 That rathersettles it. No more time. 196 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,828 Am I voting "aye" or"no"? 197 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,276 - "No". It's a... - I don't want to know what it is. 198 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:15,318 I don't want to go through the wrong door. 199 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:25,795 Arnold? 200 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:28,754 Humphrey! Do sit down. 201 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,958 Hope you don't mind my dragging you here. 202 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:37,750 - No, please. - I was worried about your Minister. 203 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:41,233 Linking honours to economies. 204 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,914 That? A lot of nonsense. 205 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,548 Good. You mean it's not true? 206 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:52,713 Not exactly. That is, he did just mention it. 207 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,194 - But... - But what? 208 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,835 I can't find any effective arguments against it. 209 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,553 - It's the thin end of the wedge. - That's what I said. 210 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,836 - A Bennite solution. - I said that. 211 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,833 - Where will it end? - That's what I said. 212 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:15,469 No, it's intolerable, but... 213 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,712 irresistible. 214 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:23,158 I'm not reprimanding you, I don't know the facts well enough. 215 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:27,711 I'd like your assurance that he won't be putting it into practice. 216 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:29,950 I certainly hope he won't. 217 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,237 I'm not sure that hopes are good enough. 218 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:38,155 Lfhe applied it to your department, the contagion would spread! 219 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:40,038 Every department! 220 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:44,719 - Presumably, we can count on you? - I shall certainly try. 221 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:53,270 - But... it's rathertricky. - You know what you're doing. 222 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:57,035 This could cause people to reflect on your soundness. 223 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:01,358 I've no doubts about you myself, but... 224 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:06,036 - I thought a chatwould be useful. - Absolutely. Thank you. 225 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:10,398 By the way, I had our college master on the phone. 226 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,552 - He said you dined at Baillie. - Right! 227 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:18,830 I assured them your Minister would treat them as a special case. 228 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,551 Yes... Yes... 229 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:27,439 I've got the Minister coming to a benefactors' dinner. 230 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,955 Good. Sound man. 231 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:34,875 I must be getting over to Number 10. Thanks for dropping in. 232 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:36,359 Pleasure... 233 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,111 Arnold. 234 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,589 Sir Humphrey saw the Cabinet Secretary 235 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,035 and got the most frightful wigging. 236 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:55,115 Really tore him off a strip because of your economies-honours scheme. 237 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:59,558 - Your scheme. - We've been through all that. 238 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,109 Sorry. My scheme. 239 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,753 Why wig someone as high up as Humphrey? 240 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:09,595 Normally, it's civilised, but this time itwas no-holds-barred. 241 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,309 SirArnold said he wasn't actually reprimanding him. 242 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,755 - Bad as that, was it? - Yes. 243 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:20,228 He suggested some people might not think he was sound. 244 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,835 - A real punch-up! - Indeed. 245 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:28,437 What has Sir Arnold to fear? He has all the honours he could want. 246 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,034 - He has his "G". - "G"? 247 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:35,034 - You get your "G" after your "K". - You speak in riddles. 248 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:39,432 First you get the CMG, then the KCMG and the GCMG, 249 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:43,115 the Command of the Order of St Michael and St George, 250 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:45,555 Knight Grand Cross of St George. 251 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:50,157 In the service, CMG stands for "Call Me God". 252 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:54,108 And KCMG for "Kindly Call Me God". 253 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,198 And GCMG? 254 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:58,918 "God Calls Me God". 255 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:05,433 Why should SirArnold worry? He has his full quota of honours. 256 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:06,919 Nowhere near! 257 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:10,470 There's a peerage, the CH, the OM, the Knight of the Thistle... 258 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,915 Knight of the Thistle? Who for? 259 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:17,517 - Scotsmen and donkeys? - There's a distinction. 260 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,797 You haven't met the Scottish Nationalists! 261 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:26,274 - How do they award the Thistle? - A committee sits on it. 262 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:34,116 Does Humphrey think I'll change university policy 263 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:36,191 over High Table dinner? 264 00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:40,353 I believe Baillie College give a very good dinner, Minister. 265 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:45,795 - How much further? - A few minutes. The M40's good. 266 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:50,274 So's the M4... 267 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:53,989 Why did we get two really good roads to Oxford 268 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:59,996 before any to Southampton or Dover or any of the ports? 269 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:04,199 Nearly all our Permanent Secretaries went to Oxford, Minister, 270 00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:08,399 and most Oxford colleges give very good dinners. 271 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:12,158 - The Cabinet allow that? - Certainly not. 272 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:15,710 They said no motorway to take civil servants to Oxford, 273 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,429 unless there was one to take Ministers hunting in the shires. 274 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,956 That's why the M1 stopped in Leicestershire! 275 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:25,518 Oh, come! 276 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,156 What about the M11 just completed? 277 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,834 Doesn't Cambridge give as good dinners? 278 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,560 Yes, of course, but it's been years 279 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:41,599 since Transport had a Permanent Secretary from Cambridge. 280 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:59,913 Fora college on the edge ofbankruptcy, not a bad dinner! 281 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,436 The Fitzwalter Dinner is paid forby endowment, 282 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,398 a great 16th-century benefactor. 283 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:11,588 Most nights we eat Mother's Pride and processed cheese. 284 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:15,116 You need a 20th-century benefactor. 285 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:19,512 - Interesting you should say that. - Why? 286 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,240 Benefactors are few and farbetween. 287 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:27,076 Isaac Wolfson is only the second man to have a college named afterhim 288 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,800 - at Oxford and Cambridge. - Who's the first? 289 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,279 Jesus. 290 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,275 - Jesus? - Jesus... Christ. 291 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,239 Some of ourmost revered benefactors are men 292 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,676 who saved the college from the depredations of Government. 293 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:47,594 Their names are remembered and hallowed for centuries. 294 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:51,355 - It's a sort of immortality. - Really? 295 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,273 What did these benefactors do? 296 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:59,070 Take Sir William de Vere, his coat of arms are there and in chapel. 297 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:03,711 He diverted the baronial army away from Baillie in the 15th century. 298 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:07,839 He had the soldiers billetted at St George's College. 299 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,752 I didn't know there was a St George's. 300 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,036 There isn't. Not since that. 301 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,914 Then, there's George Monkton, 302 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,878 whom Monkton Quad's named after. 303 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:23,238 He stopped Cromwell melting all the college silverdown 304 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,152 to pay for his army. 305 00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:30,229 He told them the silverwas better quality at Trinity, Cambridge! 306 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:35,591 Now, it looks like there'll be no college left to remember. 307 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:41,471 Unless we can solve the problem of overseas students. 308 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:46,995 Well, of course, one would like to... 309 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:48,718 help oneself. 310 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,838 Er... help one's friends. 311 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,468 Help the college. 312 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:58,474 - Nothing to do with the honour. - Of course not! Ignoble thought. 313 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:02,633 The Minister believes it's a politician's duty to help others. 314 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,439 Absolutely. Name of the game. 315 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:09,513 That's why we go into politics, to help others. 316 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,751 I'm an idealist, nothing to do with the honour. 317 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,310 Most of the honour comes after you're dead. 318 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:21,393 Not much satisfaction from having your name on the silversconce 319 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:24,632 when you're six feet under! 320 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:31,431 Incidentally, Master, to change the subject completely... 321 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,792 when do you award your honorary doctorates? 322 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:41,192 The ceremony's not fora few months, butwe have to decide in two weeks. 323 00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:44,079 - Doctorate? - Aren't they decided? 324 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:47,391 There is one Doctorate of Law still to be decided. 325 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:52,270 We're wondering whether it should go to a judge or someone in Government. 326 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,908 Judge? 327 00:21:56,640 --> 00:22:00,758 You don't want to make a judge a Doctor of Law! 328 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,708 The politicians make the laws and pass the laws. 329 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:09,112 If it wasn't for politicians, the judges wouldn't be able to judge. 330 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,317 There'd be no laws to judge! 331 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,357 - Yes, indeed. - Quite! 332 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:18,195 They'd have nothing to do. Queues of unemployed judges... 333 00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:19,634 in silly wigs! 334 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:25,230 It's all right for judges. 335 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:30,190 They don't have to suck up to TV producers, lie to journalists. 336 00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:34,148 They don't have to pretend to like their Cabinet colleagues. 337 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,436 I'll tell you something else... 338 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:41,710 if judges had to put up with some of my colleagues, 339 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,589 they'd bring capital punishment back tomorrow! 340 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,118 Bloody good job, too! 341 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,714 I'll tell you anotherthing... 342 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:54,236 I can't send him to prison. 343 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,035 Can't send him to prison. 344 00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:02,830 If I were a judge, I could whiz old Humpy off to the Scrubs. 345 00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:07,396 Feetwouldn't touch. Clang bang! See you in three years. 346 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:10,313 One third remission forgood conduct. 347 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,311 I can't do that! 348 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,276 I have to listen to him. 349 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,159 Oh, God! 350 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,758 On and on and on! 351 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:27,038 Some of his sentences are longer than Judge Jeffreys'! 352 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:31,555 No, no, no. Politicians are much more deserving. 353 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:35,030 You don't want to give your doctory honourates to judges. 354 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:36,713 Definitely not! 355 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,717 Beautifully argued, Minister. 356 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:44,919 I see now... we shouldn't give it to a judge. 357 00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:49,592 - You put the case most expertly. - Almost like a Doctor of Law. 358 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:53,309 I can see you there now in the Sheldonian, 359 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,517 standing there in those magnificent crimson robes, 360 00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:01,549 receiving your doctorate in front of an assembly of eminent scholars. 361 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,234 Wonderful. Marvellous. 362 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,472 How funny you should say that. 363 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,950 I was just thinking the same thing. 364 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,713 Morning, Minister. Morning, Bernard. 365 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:23,431 Most enjoyable dinner last night. 366 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:28,037 I wonder if we could have a private chat. Forgive us, Bernard. 367 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,359 Minister... 368 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:35,709 The master of Baillie has asked me to enquire 369 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:39,873 whether you'd accept an honorary doctorate of law. 370 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,398 Me? Good heavens! 371 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:45,597 - It's... not an offer. - No, of course not. 372 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:49,912 Of course, in view of your well-known hostility to honours... 373 00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:52,799 Don't be silly. This is quite different. 374 00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,311 Not entirely, Minister. 375 00:24:55,480 --> 00:25:00,474 It's a matter of accepting it without doing anything to deserve it, 376 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:04,553 as you might put it in your refreshingly blunt fashion. 377 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:06,996 I'm a Cabinet Minister! 378 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:11,748 - Isn't that what you're paid for? - Yes, but... No! 379 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:13,953 Yes, but... 380 00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:19,035 I can't refuse a vote of confidence in the Government, not just oneself. 381 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:22,829 No, quite. As I say, it's not certain, it's... 382 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:32,038 Humphrey, to change the subject completely, 383 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:36,751 I'd like to do what I can for Baillie in this overseas students business. 384 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:38,512 Oh, good! 385 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:42,116 Butwouldn't I need a pretext... a reason? 386 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,191 No, Minister, no problem. 387 00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:48,319 The Palace has been under pressure from certain African leaders. 388 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,550 We can't embarrass the Palace, 389 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:55,111 so we'll redesignate Baillie as a Commonwealth Education Centre. 390 00:25:56,120 --> 00:26:01,513 But where am I to find the money? I'm set on 5 % cuts across the board. 391 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:06,151 If that's achieved, anything's possible. 392 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:10,029 - The committee are waiting. - Very well, show them in. 393 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:14,751 I suppose we could achieve the cuts in this department, 394 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:20,074 if the absurd idea of linking honours to cuts were to be shelved. 395 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:24,674 - I see. - Yes... 396 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,755 - Thank you, Bernard. - Morning. 397 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:34,071 Now, minutes of the previous meeting? 398 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,712 Matters arising: Accommodation. 399 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:39,518 Oh, yes! 400 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:44,037 I'm happy to be able to tell you that we have found a 5 % cut, 401 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,629 by selling an office in High Wycombe. 402 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,631 - Oh, really? - Yes. 403 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:51,836 - Yes, very good. - Yes. 404 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:53,399 Stationery acquisition? 405 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:58,315 We've discovered a new stock control system to reduce expenditure. 406 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,870 - By howmuch? - About 5 %, wasn't it? 407 00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:06,273 Excellent! Parks and Forestry? 408 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:10,519 If we delay the new computers, we can make a saving. 409 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:12,557 - By howmuch? - Yes...? 410 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,188 - About 5 %. - Yes, about 5 %. 411 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,750 - Really? - That cuts data processing, too. 412 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:20,592 - By? - By... 413 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,432 By about 5 %. 414 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:26,800 - This is most satisfying. - Yes. 415 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,633 Incidentally, while I think of it, 416 00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:35,432 have you finished with the list for the honours secretary? 417 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,433 Yes, Humphrey. No problem there. 418 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:40,989 Bernard will give it to you. 419 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,755 - Thank you, Bernard. - All right, Humphrey? 420 00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,388 Yes, Doctor... er, Minister.