1
00:00:46,285 --> 00:00:50,120
Minister, there's something
in the press you should see.

2
00:00:50,285 --> 00:00:53,595
- About me?
- I'm afraid it's in Private Eye.

3
00:00:53,765 --> 00:00:59,044
- Private Eye?
- Yes... They're exposing something.

4
00:00:59,926 --> 00:01:03,555
Not that character reference
I gave for Dr Savundra?

5
00:01:03,725 --> 00:01:06,763
- That party at Poulson's?
- I didn't know about those.

6
00:01:06,926 --> 00:01:11,316
No, that's the thing they make up
in that squalid little rag!

7
00:01:11,486 --> 00:01:15,274
- What is it?
- Perhaps you'd better read it.

8
00:01:19,205 --> 00:01:21,720
- Good God!
- Frightful, isn't it?

9
00:01:22,725 --> 00:01:25,957
- May I come in, Minister?
- Listen to this.

10
00:01:26,126 --> 00:01:30,039
What's that? Oh, Private Eye? Splendid!

11
00:01:30,205 --> 00:01:33,437
"The saga of the top secret Guthrie Report,

12
00:01:33,606 --> 00:01:37,917
"revealed to the Eye last week,
continues to embarrass Ministers.

13
00:01:38,086 --> 00:01:42,078
"It seems one of the present Cabinet
subjected to phone-tapping,

14
00:01:42,245 --> 00:01:45,522
"bugging and 24-hour surveillance
while in opposition

15
00:01:45,685 --> 00:01:48,995
"was none other than the egregious Jim Hacker."

16
00:01:49,165 --> 00:01:51,633
What's "egregious" mean?

17
00:01:51,805 --> 00:01:54,763
I think it means "outstanding".

18
00:01:54,926 --> 00:01:56,644
Oh...?

19
00:01:57,646 --> 00:02:00,399
In one way or another.

20
00:02:00,566 --> 00:02:06,118
"...Jim Hacker, whose department
administers 23,000 other administrators.

21
00:02:06,285 --> 00:02:09,995
"Ironically, it is egregious Jim's
department that is now responsible

22
00:02:10,165 --> 00:02:14,477
"for supplying all the government's
computerised bugging equipment.

23
00:02:14,646 --> 00:02:20,039
"Presumably, this makes him
the government's chief bugger."

24
00:02:20,205 --> 00:02:21,524
Wonderful!

25
00:02:21,685 --> 00:02:23,961
- Is this true?
- Which, Minister?

26
00:02:24,126 --> 00:02:27,959
That I was under surveillance
and am now responsible for bugging.

27
00:02:28,126 --> 00:02:32,084
Surely, you don't believe what
you read in that squalid little rag.

28
00:02:32,245 --> 00:02:36,158
- Never mind. Is it true?
- Don't take it too seriously.

29
00:02:36,325 --> 00:02:39,682
Well, I do! This says
I was under total surveillance.

30
00:02:39,845 --> 00:02:44,361
An MP and free citizen!
It cuts at the very heart of democracy!

31
00:02:44,526 --> 00:02:47,164
It contravenes human rights.

32
00:02:47,325 --> 00:02:48,678
Oh, yes...

33
00:02:48,845 --> 00:02:53,158
Surveillance is indispensable
in the battle against organised crime.

34
00:02:53,325 --> 00:02:56,716
You're not describing politicians
as organised crime?

35
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:59,604
Disorganised crime, too, of course!

36
00:02:59,765 --> 00:03:04,361
Humphrey! I once wrote a leader
on this as editor of "Reform"

37
00:03:04,526 --> 00:03:08,883
and started a nationwide petition
against bureaucratic busybodies,

38
00:03:09,046 --> 00:03:10,843
bugging and phone-tapping.

39
00:03:11,006 --> 00:03:15,238
Now I learn from Private Eye,
Humphrey, not from you,

40
00:03:15,406 --> 00:03:18,637
that I'm responsible for it, and you never told me.

41
00:03:18,805 --> 00:03:21,240
You didn't ask.

42
00:03:21,406 --> 00:03:26,354
Thank God for a free press
and for one open, fearless journal!

43
00:03:26,526 --> 00:03:32,396
- You said it was a squalid rag.
- Sharpen up your antennae.

44
00:03:32,566 --> 00:03:36,354
Learn to adapt more flexibly
to a developing situation.

45
00:03:36,526 --> 00:03:38,481
I see. I'm sorry.

46
00:03:38,646 --> 00:03:42,798
Where are the transcripts
of these bugged conversations?

47
00:03:42,966 --> 00:03:45,560
They were put into a report.

48
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,763
- Who got these reports?
- The Home Secretary gets them.

49
00:03:48,926 --> 00:03:51,486
Gets them? Gets them?

50
00:03:51,646 --> 00:03:55,002
Not about you, Minister. Not now.

51
00:03:55,165 --> 00:03:59,205
Now he'll be getting reports
about Her Majesty's opposition.

52
00:04:00,086 --> 00:04:04,158
- Who gives them to him?
- Ml5, presumably.

53
00:04:04,325 --> 00:04:07,841
- You seem very calm about all this.
- Yes, Minister.

54
00:04:08,006 --> 00:04:12,522
I think it's horrifying, a distinguished citizen -

55
00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:16,803
if I may say so, an extremely
distinguished British citizen -

56
00:04:16,966 --> 00:04:19,957
who's given his life's service to his country,

57
00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:23,959
finds these faceless bureaucrats
have listened to his every word.

58
00:04:24,126 --> 00:04:28,995
All his phone calls.
His rows with his wife and daughter.

59
00:04:29,165 --> 00:04:32,602
His private arrangements
with his accountant! Not that I...!

60
00:04:32,765 --> 00:04:35,439
- No, quite so.
- Well, why, Humphrey?

61
00:04:35,606 --> 00:04:38,484
- Why surveillance or why you?
- Both!

62
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:42,559
- It's the same answer.
- Why split it into two questions?

63
00:04:42,725 --> 00:04:46,479
I didn't want to risk answering
a question you weren't asking.

64
00:04:46,646 --> 00:04:49,718
I'm asking you now.
Why was I under surveillance?

65
00:04:49,885 --> 00:04:52,446
It's perfectly obvious. Do you mind?

66
00:04:52,606 --> 00:04:57,964
Before the election, it was rumoured you'd be
appointed Defence Secretary.

67
00:04:58,126 --> 00:04:59,444
So?

68
00:04:59,606 --> 00:05:04,077
If the PM was giving you defence,
in the national interest,

69
00:05:04,245 --> 00:05:09,001
that Ml5 must be satisfied
you weren't a security risk.

70
00:05:09,165 --> 00:05:13,443
- My privacy was invaded!
- Better than your country, Minister.

71
00:05:14,885 --> 00:05:17,559
Have you ever been under surveillance?

72
00:05:17,725 --> 00:05:20,559
- Me, Minister?!
- You.

73
00:05:20,725 --> 00:05:23,524
I'm a civil servant!

74
00:05:24,245 --> 00:05:26,680
So were Burgess and MacLean.

75
00:05:26,845 --> 00:05:29,564
- Oh, well...
- And Philby!

76
00:05:29,725 --> 00:05:31,955
They weren't Permanent Secretaries.

77
00:05:32,446 --> 00:05:38,042
One becomes a Permanent Secretary
after a life of reliability and integrity.

78
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:41,914
The rigorous selection procedures winnow out all

79
00:05:42,086 --> 00:05:45,555
but the most upright
and honourable public servants.

80
00:05:45,725 --> 00:05:50,800
- And what about Ministers?
- They have many dazzling qualities!

81
00:05:50,966 --> 00:05:53,718
Including...?

82
00:05:56,165 --> 00:06:01,877
Enviable intellectual suppleness
and moral manoeuvrability.

83
00:06:02,046 --> 00:06:04,276
What are you trying to say?

84
00:06:04,446 --> 00:06:08,519
You can't trust them! Not you, of course, Minister.

85
00:06:08,685 --> 00:06:12,439
Ministers, unlike civil servants,
are selected at random

86
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:15,403
by prime ministerial whim,

87
00:06:15,566 --> 00:06:19,240
in recognition of dubious services rendered,

88
00:06:19,406 --> 00:06:23,240
or to avoid appointing someone of real ability.

89
00:06:24,566 --> 00:06:28,115
Not you, Minister! You certainly are to be trusted.

90
00:06:28,285 --> 00:06:33,040
You might almost be a civil servant yourself!

91
00:06:33,205 --> 00:06:36,198
- Is that a compliment?
- Indeed. The ultimate compliment.

92
00:06:38,205 --> 00:06:40,879
Would you trust every Cabinet colleague

93
00:06:41,046 --> 00:06:43,640
never to betray a confidence?

94
00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:49,118
- And all the opposition front bench?
- You must be joking!

95
00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:51,959
You were in the opposition at the time.

96
00:06:52,126 --> 00:06:56,118
Be that as it may,
I have decided I'm going to stop it.

97
00:06:56,285 --> 00:07:01,997
- But this is a Home Office matter.
- Nevertheless, I'll make it harder.

98
00:07:02,165 --> 00:07:06,796
If I'm responsible for bugging,
I want some democratic safeguards.

99
00:07:06,966 --> 00:07:11,993
Are you about to suggest that people
won't be put under surveillance

100
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:16,079
until they've signed a form agreeing to it?

101
00:07:16,245 --> 00:07:21,877
No, we'll have a select committee
to vet every application,

102
00:07:22,365 --> 00:07:27,200
and no surveillance to last over two
weeks without a further application.

103
00:07:27,365 --> 00:07:31,597
Will you set the wheels in motion,
please, Humphrey?

104
00:07:31,765 --> 00:07:33,756
Very well, Minister.

105
00:07:35,885 --> 00:07:39,196
Bernard, send a minute to each Cabinet member.

106
00:07:39,365 --> 00:07:43,075
I'll plant a question for a backbencher to ask.

107
00:07:43,245 --> 00:07:48,319
"Can you assure us no colleagues
have ever been under surveillance?"

108
00:07:48,486 --> 00:07:52,115
- That should shake him.
- It certainly will.

109
00:07:52,285 --> 00:07:56,359
Ask Walter Fowler of the Express
to meet me for a drink.

110
00:07:56,526 --> 00:08:00,155
- What for, Minister?
- First law of political indiscretion:

111
00:08:00,325 --> 00:08:03,557
Always have a drink before you leak.

112
00:08:12,566 --> 00:08:15,443
- Will it make a story?
- Yes.

113
00:08:15,606 --> 00:08:19,564
"Minister fights
for phone-tap safeguard." Yes!

114
00:08:19,725 --> 00:08:25,084
- Where will they run it?
- High up on the home news page.

115
00:08:25,245 --> 00:08:29,158
- Not on page one?
- Can I attribute it?

116
00:08:29,325 --> 00:08:32,363
- "Minister speaks out"?
- No, no, no.

117
00:08:32,526 --> 00:08:37,919
Then, where did I get the story?
I can't say, "Officially announced."

118
00:08:38,086 --> 00:08:40,725
"Government spokesman"?

119
00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:45,325
How about, "Sources close to Minister"?

120
00:08:45,486 --> 00:08:49,843
Hold on, I don't want everybody
to know I told you!

121
00:08:50,006 --> 00:08:53,395
Couldn't you do, "Speculation
is growing in Westminster"?

122
00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:55,557
A bit weak.

123
00:08:56,645 --> 00:08:58,283
"Unofficial spokesman"?

124
00:08:58,446 --> 00:09:01,482
Used that twice this week already!

125
00:09:01,645 --> 00:09:05,194
The Cabinet's leaking like a sieve, isn't it?

126
00:09:06,566 --> 00:09:11,435
Couldn't we attribute it to a leading
member of the sieve... Cabinet?

127
00:09:11,605 --> 00:09:13,243
No...

128
00:09:15,046 --> 00:09:19,278
How would you like to be "an informed source"?

129
00:09:19,446 --> 00:09:22,084
OK. "Informed source."

130
00:09:22,245 --> 00:09:26,285
Quite a joke, isn't it,
describing someone as "informed"

131
00:09:26,446 --> 00:09:30,439
when his Permanent Secretary
is Sir Humphrey Appleby?!

132
00:09:36,125 --> 00:09:41,075
Everything we said on the phone,
recorded and transcribed.

133
00:09:41,245 --> 00:09:44,760
- It's humiliating!
- It is a little humiliating.

134
00:09:44,926 --> 00:09:49,716
That Ml5 know you talk at home
the same as you talk in public.

135
00:09:49,885 --> 00:09:55,323
The gross national product, borrowing
requirements, draft agendas...

136
00:09:55,486 --> 00:09:59,035
I didn't mean that! I meant our private talk.

137
00:09:59,205 --> 00:10:02,243
I hadn't thought of that..."Got the car keys?"

138
00:10:02,406 --> 00:10:07,321
"I thought you had them!"
That'll bring the government down!

139
00:10:07,486 --> 00:10:11,274
- You're not taking it seriously.
- What gives you that idea?

140
00:10:11,446 --> 00:10:15,597
They might've heard what we said... in bed!

141
00:10:16,446 --> 00:10:19,721
Why? Do you snore in code?

142
00:10:20,846 --> 00:10:24,758
- You trying to tell me something?
- Since you ask,

143
00:10:24,926 --> 00:10:29,238
why don't we go away
for the weekend like we used to?

144
00:10:29,405 --> 00:10:31,839
Yes. Why not? What the hell!

145
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:34,758
- Let's go to Kingsbury Down.
- Where?

146
00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:38,713
Only where we spent our honeymoon, darling!

147
00:10:38,886 --> 00:10:40,204
Yes...

148
00:10:40,365 --> 00:10:42,481
Where you first explained to me

149
00:10:42,645 --> 00:10:48,676
the effect of velocity of circulation
on the net growth of money supply.

150
00:10:48,846 --> 00:10:51,235
Yeah... I remember.

151
00:10:51,405 --> 00:10:54,204
Did you get that, boys?

152
00:10:57,245 --> 00:11:00,716
The Minister... on a death list?

153
00:11:00,886 --> 00:11:04,640
Well, who are the International Freedom Army?

154
00:11:04,806 --> 00:11:08,845
- We do not, as yet, know.
- Why assassinate the Minister?

155
00:11:09,006 --> 00:11:10,997
He's so harmless!

156
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,516
Nevertheless, we cannot risk the Minister's life.

157
00:11:15,686 --> 00:11:18,597
- No. That means the full...?
- Quite!

158
00:11:20,006 --> 00:11:23,681
- Morning, Minister!
- Morning, Minister, how are you?

159
00:11:23,846 --> 00:11:28,556
- Sorry I'm late. Didn't sleep well.
- Sorry to hear that.

160
00:11:28,726 --> 00:11:31,080
Actually, I feel like death.

161
00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:35,524
Perhaps that's just as well.

162
00:11:38,846 --> 00:11:41,678
- See this morning's Express?
- Indeed.

163
00:11:41,846 --> 00:11:46,043
- "Minister acts to curb phone taps."
- Wonder where they got that.

164
00:11:46,525 --> 00:11:49,404
A leak, I suppose. Terrible, isn't it?

165
00:11:49,565 --> 00:11:50,884
Terrible.

166
00:11:51,046 --> 00:11:52,195
It only reaffirms my determination to act.

167
00:11:54,846 --> 00:11:58,360
Are you sure you've considered
all the implications?

168
00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:01,275
Yes. Free citizens have a right to privacy.

169
00:12:01,445 --> 00:12:06,473
But suppose Ml5 had reason
to believe these free citizens were,

170
00:12:06,645 --> 00:12:09,762
to take a purely hypothetical example,

171
00:12:09,926 --> 00:12:12,235
planning to assassinate a Minister?

172
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:17,403
The freedom of the British people
is worth more than a Minister's life.

173
00:12:17,565 --> 00:12:19,521
Freedom is indivisible.

174
00:12:19,686 --> 00:12:22,324
Ministers are expendable.

175
00:12:23,125 --> 00:12:29,042
A man in public life must expect
to be the target of cranks and fanatics.

176
00:12:29,205 --> 00:12:33,882
It is a Minister's duty to set his life at naught.

177
00:12:34,046 --> 00:12:39,279
He must be able to stand up and say,
"Here I am! Do your worst!"

178
00:12:40,205 --> 00:12:43,163
And not cower in craven terror

179
00:12:43,325 --> 00:12:45,964
behind electronic equipment,

180
00:12:46,125 --> 00:12:48,003
secret microphones

181
00:12:48,165 --> 00:12:54,275
and all the hideous apparatus...
of the police state.

182
00:12:54,645 --> 00:12:57,717
- Ahem...
- I don't want to hear about it.

183
00:12:57,886 --> 00:13:01,195
I must say one more thing on this matter.

184
00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:03,163
Very well. Be brief.

185
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:06,476
Special Branch have found
your name on a death list.

186
00:13:06,645 --> 00:13:09,205
That has no bearing on the situation.

187
00:13:09,365 --> 00:13:11,003
What?!

188
00:13:12,285 --> 00:13:17,200
Special Branch have found
your name on a death list.

189
00:13:17,365 --> 00:13:20,596
- A death list...?
- An assassination.

190
00:13:20,766 --> 00:13:25,123
I know what you mean by death list,
but what do you mean?

191
00:13:26,245 --> 00:13:30,602
I don't think I can put it
any more clearly, Minister.

192
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:32,995
To put it absolutely bluntly,

193
00:13:33,165 --> 00:13:36,636
investigations have proved
the existence of documents

194
00:13:36,806 --> 00:13:39,080
whose provenance is unestablished

195
00:13:39,245 --> 00:13:42,761
but whose effect would be
to precipitate a bye-election.

196
00:13:42,926 --> 00:13:45,155
What do you mean?

197
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,998
You're on a death list, Minister.

198
00:13:48,165 --> 00:13:49,757
Who and why?

199
00:13:49,926 --> 00:13:53,805
The International Freedom Army,
a new urban guerrilla group.

200
00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:57,845
- What've they got against me?
- As you may recall,

201
00:13:58,006 --> 00:14:00,758
there have been rumours of a Cabinet reshuffle,

202
00:14:00,926 --> 00:14:05,556
and your name was linked
with the Ministry of Defence.

203
00:14:05,726 --> 00:14:10,116
- Who can they be?
- An Irish splinter group?

204
00:14:10,285 --> 00:14:16,122
Baader-Meinhof, PLO or Black
September or home-grown loonies!

205
00:14:16,285 --> 00:14:18,720
Anarchists, Maoists, Libyans,

206
00:14:18,886 --> 00:14:22,400
Iranians or the Italian Red Brigade,
for all we know.

207
00:14:22,565 --> 00:14:28,243
But they're all connected, so it could be
a new group of freelance killers.

208
00:14:29,445 --> 00:14:32,039
Special Branch don't know where to start.

209
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:36,039
- The list isn't just me?
- Not just you, Minister.

210
00:14:36,205 --> 00:14:39,243
- There must be hundreds on...
- Just three.

211
00:14:40,605 --> 00:14:42,596
Just three.

212
00:14:42,766 --> 00:14:44,324
(BUZZER)

213
00:14:44,485 --> 00:14:47,955
Yes? Commander Forest of Special Branch.

214
00:14:48,125 --> 00:14:49,638
- Shall I...?
- Please do.

215
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:54,163
The Home Secretary wants
detectives to protect you.

216
00:14:54,325 --> 00:14:56,964
- This man will inform you.
- Detectives?!

217
00:14:57,125 --> 00:14:59,798
They can't protect you
against the assassin's bullet!

218
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:05,722
Certainly not, but they can determine
the assassin is brought to trial.

219
00:15:05,886 --> 00:15:10,801
After the victim has been gunned down, of course.

220
00:15:11,365 --> 00:15:14,199
Commander Forest of Special Branch.

221
00:15:14,365 --> 00:15:16,596
- Morning, Commander.
- Morning, sir.

222
00:15:16,766 --> 00:15:18,437
- Sit down.
- Thank you.

223
00:15:18,605 --> 00:15:22,154
You've been told about this list, sir?

224
00:15:22,325 --> 00:15:25,636
List? What list? Oh, list, yes.

225
00:15:25,806 --> 00:15:28,878
I'll brief you on the standard
hazards and precautions.

226
00:15:29,046 --> 00:15:32,833
- Thank you, Bernard.
- Do I have to take it seriously?

227
00:15:33,006 --> 00:15:36,043
In a sense, that's up to you. We advise...

228
00:15:36,205 --> 00:15:41,519
Most people might be in a frightful funk,
but it's all in a day's work!

229
00:15:41,686 --> 00:15:44,882
- I admire your courage, sir.
- Thank you.

230
00:15:45,046 --> 00:15:46,399
Right, well...

231
00:15:46,565 --> 00:15:48,363
Shoot. I mean...!

232
00:15:49,726 --> 00:15:52,797
Assassination hazards fall into four categories:

233
00:15:52,966 --> 00:15:57,721
Bullets, bombs, poisons
and so-called accidents.

234
00:15:57,886 --> 00:16:00,763
There's also gassing,
throttling, stabbing, drowning,

235
00:16:00,926 --> 00:16:06,124
garrotting and ritual disembowelling,
but they are uncommon in the UK.

236
00:16:06,285 --> 00:16:09,004
- All right, then.
- Start with bullets.

237
00:16:09,165 --> 00:16:12,681
There's your assassin
on a tall building or in a car,

238
00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:15,235
your killer in a crowd and phut!

239
00:16:15,886 --> 00:16:19,321
There's the unexpected house caller,
your marksman in a van,

240
00:16:19,485 --> 00:16:21,874
and the revolver through your car window.

241
00:16:22,046 --> 00:16:26,038
So avoid crowds
and keep away from windows.

242
00:16:29,365 --> 00:16:35,838
Commander, could I suggest
bullet-proof curtains for the office?

243
00:16:36,006 --> 00:16:39,361
- Bullet-proof!
- By lunchtime, sir.

244
00:16:39,525 --> 00:16:43,519
We'll fit them in your London flat
when we do the place over.

245
00:16:43,686 --> 00:16:47,075
- Do it over?
- The usual locks, security alarms.

246
00:16:47,245 --> 00:16:50,716
24-hour patrols by local staff, phone taps.

247
00:16:50,886 --> 00:16:52,637
Just the usual?!

248
00:16:52,806 --> 00:16:55,525
You'll have bodyguards round the clock.

249
00:16:55,686 --> 00:17:00,601
Never answer your door in person
and keep car windows locked.

250
00:17:00,766 --> 00:17:03,325
Never draw up by the pavement at lights.

251
00:17:03,485 --> 00:17:06,319
You don't want a terrorist to jump in!

252
00:17:06,485 --> 00:17:08,158
- No.
- Course not!

253
00:17:08,325 --> 00:17:14,241
If he draws his car in front of yours,
ram the axle and sweep it aside,

254
00:17:15,926 --> 00:17:20,396
Bombs! Car bombs you know,
but never open letters.

255
00:17:20,565 --> 00:17:23,284
For the time being, we'll re-direct them.

256
00:17:23,445 --> 00:17:28,645
Now, poisons... Be suspicious
of gifts of food, chocolates.

257
00:17:28,806 --> 00:17:32,593
Check the milk bottle caps
every morning for hypodermic holes.

258
00:17:32,766 --> 00:17:36,725
Don't forget the poisoned umbrella
jabbed into the calf.

259
00:17:40,006 --> 00:17:41,757
Now... accidents.

260
00:17:41,926 --> 00:17:46,238
Never walk along the edge
of pavements, rivers, railway platforms.

261
00:17:46,405 --> 00:17:49,556
We don't want to make it too easy for them.

262
00:17:49,726 --> 00:17:53,162
Especially the electric railway -
so avoid the Tube.

263
00:17:53,325 --> 00:17:55,998
Electrocution... another favourite.

264
00:17:56,165 --> 00:18:02,320
A little tinkering with the telly,
toaster, electric blanket and Bob's your uncle!

265
00:18:02,485 --> 00:18:05,159
Your late uncle.

266
00:18:07,966 --> 00:18:10,718
They have to be checked. Any questions?

267
00:18:14,245 --> 00:18:19,797
Good! Here's your list of standard
safety precautions.

268
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:23,480
- I'll be in touch.
- Thank you, Commander.

269
00:18:25,966 --> 00:18:29,401
If you're pushed out of a window
with railings underneath,

270
00:18:29,565 --> 00:18:32,125
try and land on your head.

271
00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:34,163
Quicker!

272
00:18:38,846 --> 00:18:44,044
Humphrey... how do we find
these terrorists before they find me?

273
00:18:44,205 --> 00:18:49,917
Phone tapping and surveillance
of suspects is the best way,

274
00:18:50,086 --> 00:18:54,841
but it does incur intolerable
intrusion on individual privacy.

275
00:19:01,365 --> 00:19:03,321
On the other hand...

276
00:19:03,485 --> 00:19:08,082
the people's representatives
must represent the people.

277
00:19:08,245 --> 00:19:12,204
Any threat to them is a threat
against democracy, isn't it?

278
00:19:13,966 --> 00:19:15,957
How?

279
00:19:16,605 --> 00:19:19,279
These threats constitute

280
00:19:19,445 --> 00:19:23,644
an attack on the people's
inalienable democratic right

281
00:19:23,806 --> 00:19:29,357
to have leaders of their choice, who must
be protected by every possible means,

282
00:19:29,525 --> 00:19:33,404
no matter how much we might regret
the necessity for doing so.

283
00:19:33,565 --> 00:19:36,717
Beautifully argued, Minister. My view exactly.

284
00:19:36,886 --> 00:19:39,878
Or else you're a dead duck.

285
00:19:40,445 --> 00:19:42,356
Good God! What's that?

286
00:19:42,525 --> 00:19:44,756
- The petition's arrived.
- Petition?

287
00:19:44,926 --> 00:19:47,645
Against phone tapping and surveillance.

288
00:19:47,806 --> 00:19:51,923
The one you started in opposition.
2.25 million signatures.

289
00:19:52,086 --> 00:19:53,917
But we need surveillance!

290
00:19:54,086 --> 00:19:57,283
It's an essential weapon
in our fight against crime, right?

291
00:19:57,445 --> 00:20:00,199
I couldn't have put it better myself.

292
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:05,962
- I see. Shall I file it?
- Shred it! No one must find it.

293
00:20:06,125 --> 00:20:09,516
In that case, I think it's best I file it.

294
00:20:39,046 --> 00:20:42,083
Great way to spend a second honeymoon!

295
00:20:42,245 --> 00:20:43,565
Table for...?

296
00:20:43,726 --> 00:20:45,159
- Eight!
- Two.

297
00:20:45,325 --> 00:20:48,317
I've a nice table by the window.

298
00:20:48,485 --> 00:20:50,919
- We've chosen the target's table.
- Target?

299
00:20:51,086 --> 00:20:54,441
Sorry, Minister. Over there by the kitchen door.

300
00:20:59,165 --> 00:21:01,043
You sit here, sir.

301
00:21:01,205 --> 00:21:05,596
Constable Ross will be watching
the kitchen door, your escape route.

302
00:21:05,766 --> 00:21:10,681
We're not expecting assassins here,
since we only booked this morning.

303
00:21:10,846 --> 00:21:17,034
I'll sit by the window.
If you hear gunshots, get under the table.

304
00:21:17,205 --> 00:21:19,561
I'm not really worried.

305
00:21:22,605 --> 00:21:24,561
(POP!)

306
00:21:26,726 --> 00:21:30,355
It was just a champagne cork, darling.

307
00:21:31,245 --> 00:21:33,236
Just practising.

308
00:21:34,926 --> 00:21:37,565
(DETECTIVE) I'll have spaghetti bolognaise,

309
00:21:37,726 --> 00:21:43,596
then T-bone steak, peas,
beans, cauliflower and chips,

310
00:21:43,766 --> 00:21:48,759
and a bottle of Château
Baron Philippe de Rothschild 1961.

311
00:21:50,445 --> 00:21:53,039
Takes it out of you, this job.

312
00:21:57,806 --> 00:21:59,875
- Beautiful, isn't it?
- Beautiful.

313
00:22:00,046 --> 00:22:02,275
Quiet and peaceful.

314
00:22:02,445 --> 00:22:04,561
Lovely to get away from it all.

315
00:22:04,726 --> 00:22:06,717
Lovely.

316
00:22:16,645 --> 00:22:18,875
- This all right for you?
- Lovely.

317
00:22:19,046 --> 00:22:21,843
Not James Bond? I thought it was "Belle du Jour".

318
00:22:22,006 --> 00:22:25,998
Yes, but they didn't want to see a foreign film.

319
00:22:34,445 --> 00:22:36,436
(OMINOUS MUSIC)

320
00:22:46,886 --> 00:22:48,877
(MUSIC BUILDS)

321
00:23:04,766 --> 00:23:06,084
(GUNSHOT)

322
00:23:10,926 --> 00:23:12,917
I can't stand this.

323
00:23:23,165 --> 00:23:27,556
- Target in there now?
- Yeah, with his wife.

324
00:23:27,726 --> 00:23:31,400
- They going out again?
- Nah, turned in for the night.

325
00:23:31,565 --> 00:23:35,195
They don't seem to be enjoying the holiday.

326
00:23:35,365 --> 00:23:37,356
Wonder why...?

327
00:23:38,125 --> 00:23:40,320
I can't sleep here.

328
00:23:40,485 --> 00:23:42,283
I'm going home.

329
00:23:45,205 --> 00:23:47,673
What the hell's all this?

330
00:23:47,846 --> 00:23:51,838
(DETECTIVE) Local force, sir,
showing they're doing their bit.

331
00:24:04,245 --> 00:24:05,565
(KNOCK AT DOOR)

332
00:24:05,966 --> 00:24:08,605
Come in. Oh, you're in!

333
00:24:08,766 --> 00:24:12,042
- May I just check the windows?
- Go ahead.

334
00:24:17,365 --> 00:24:19,481
Thank you. Goodnight, sir.

335
00:24:19,645 --> 00:24:21,442
Sleep well.

336
00:24:23,365 --> 00:24:27,279
Don't worry, darling. You'll get used
to being a famous man's wife.

337
00:24:27,445 --> 00:24:28,845
I hope so.

338
00:24:29,006 --> 00:24:32,681
I don't want to be a famous man's widow!

339
00:24:33,926 --> 00:24:35,995
But... I don't follow.

340
00:24:36,165 --> 00:24:38,555
You want to stop phone tapping,

341
00:24:38,726 --> 00:24:44,038
you get this petition of 2.25 million
signatures to boost your case,

342
00:24:44,205 --> 00:24:48,119
and you won't even give me
a quote saying you welcome it.

343
00:24:50,485 --> 00:24:53,284
A promise to implement
its recommendations?

344
00:24:53,445 --> 00:24:56,039
- It's not that simple.
- Why not?

345
00:24:56,205 --> 00:25:00,961
- There are security implications.
- There always were.

346
00:25:03,605 --> 00:25:08,680
OK, I'll make an even bigger story:
"Minister rejects his own petition."

347
00:25:08,846 --> 00:25:10,802
Now, hold on! I...

348
00:25:10,966 --> 00:25:13,958
Are you accepting it or rejecting it?

349
00:25:15,086 --> 00:25:16,837
No.

350
00:25:19,125 --> 00:25:25,918
My editor asks if being on this death list
has altered your views on phone tapping.

351
00:25:26,565 --> 00:25:29,319
Heavens! What an extraordinary idea!

352
00:25:29,485 --> 00:25:33,525
- So why this change of tune?
- No change of tune.

353
00:25:33,686 --> 00:25:35,004
(KNOCK)

354
00:25:35,165 --> 00:25:39,762
- Can Sir Humphrey see you?
- Humphrey! What can I do for you?

355
00:25:39,926 --> 00:25:42,520
- Excuse us.
- Won't be a minute.

356
00:25:42,686 --> 00:25:44,404
I'll wait out there.

357
00:25:44,565 --> 00:25:45,884
Good weekend?

358
00:25:46,046 --> 00:25:49,243
Marvellous.
Me, Annie and half of Special Branch.

359
00:25:49,405 --> 00:25:54,115
- Rozzers with guns. Unforgettable!
- The burdens of office!

360
00:25:54,285 --> 00:25:58,722
- This can't go on.
- You said it! It isn't going to.

361
00:25:58,886 --> 00:26:02,037
Special Branch is withdrawing your protection.

362
00:26:02,205 --> 00:26:06,357
Wait a minute! I didn't mean... Why?

363
00:26:07,125 --> 00:26:11,357
They've suffered an acute
personnel establishment shortfall.

364
00:26:11,525 --> 00:26:15,154
- They're what?
- Short-staffed. No more protection.

365
00:26:15,325 --> 00:26:16,838
Short-staffed?!

366
00:26:17,006 --> 00:26:21,921
There's a more dangerous threat
to the Soviet premier at Chequers.

367
00:26:22,086 --> 00:26:25,316
- But he's Russian, I'm British!
- In fact,

368
00:26:25,485 --> 00:26:29,797
Special Branch believe the threat
to your life has diminished.

369
00:26:29,966 --> 00:26:31,717
How do they know?

370
00:26:31,886 --> 00:26:34,480
Surveillance of a conversation.

371
00:26:34,645 --> 00:26:37,717
- What did it say?
- It's of no...

372
00:26:37,886 --> 00:26:39,557
I've a right to know.

373
00:26:39,726 --> 00:26:42,320
Well, it was to the effect that,

374
00:26:42,485 --> 00:26:46,445
in view of the nebulous
and inexplicit nature of your remit,

375
00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:52,283
the arguably marginal and peripheral
nature of your influence on decisions

376
00:26:52,445 --> 00:26:54,516
within the political process,

377
00:26:54,686 --> 00:26:57,962
there could be a case
for restructuring their action priorities

378
00:26:58,125 --> 00:27:03,119
so as to eliminate your liquidation
from their immediate agenda.

379
00:27:04,645 --> 00:27:06,841
They said that?

380
00:27:07,006 --> 00:27:09,520
That was the gist of it.

381
00:27:11,245 --> 00:27:13,281
What's it mean in English?

382
00:27:13,445 --> 00:27:19,839
Well, it means that they don't think
you're really important enough

383
00:27:20,006 --> 00:27:23,078
for it to be worth assassinating you.

384
00:27:31,726 --> 00:27:33,044
Oh!

385
00:27:33,886 --> 00:27:38,198
- I don't agree, of course.
- You mean...?

386
00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:40,196
What?

387
00:27:40,365 --> 00:27:43,721
- They should assassinate me?
- No, no, no!

388
00:27:43,886 --> 00:27:47,640
- I'm not important enough?
- No, no...

389
00:27:47,806 --> 00:27:50,320
I mean you are important enough,

390
00:27:50,485 --> 00:27:53,762
but they shouldn't assassinate you anyway.

391
00:27:54,766 --> 00:27:58,520
That's marvellous. Not that I was ever worried.

392
00:27:58,686 --> 00:28:00,404
(KNOCK)

393
00:28:00,726 --> 00:28:02,522
Mr Fowler's waiting.

394
00:28:02,686 --> 00:28:05,119
Yes, bring him in.

395
00:28:05,285 --> 00:28:09,119
Have we still got that petition?
If so, show Mr Fowler.

396
00:28:09,285 --> 00:28:14,154
- The petition? But you said...
- Yes, I did, but bring it in.

397
00:28:15,325 --> 00:28:18,762
- Antennae, Bernard.
- Yes! Yes, indeed.

398
00:28:18,926 --> 00:28:21,998
- The petition you were pleased...?
- That's right.

399
00:28:22,165 --> 00:28:24,043
God!

400
00:28:24,966 --> 00:28:28,321
- The paper must have an answer.
- Of course.

401
00:28:28,485 --> 00:28:31,682
I want you to know
I welcome this petition warmly!

402
00:28:31,846 --> 00:28:37,204
It's not just the sort of thing
you can sweep under the carpet.

403
00:28:37,365 --> 00:28:40,914
As for death lists, well, Ministers are dispensable,

404
00:28:41,086 --> 00:28:44,361
but freedom is indivisible, right, Humphrey?

405
00:28:44,525 --> 00:28:46,516
Yes, Minister.

406
00:28:49,887 --> 00:28:59,321
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