1 00:00:45,393 --> 00:00:47,544 It's absolutely intolerable. 2 00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:49,943 - Yes, Minister. - Quite so, Minister. 3 00:00:50,113 --> 00:00:55,585 Each separate department about to order different word-processing equipment, 4 00:00:55,755 --> 00:01:02,102 and I persuaded them to place one big central order for everyone - 5 00:01:02,274 --> 00:01:07,142 big enough for UK manufacturers to invest in systems development. 6 00:01:07,314 --> 00:01:09,702 - Yes, Minister. - I don't have to tell you. 7 00:01:09,874 --> 00:01:11,352 No, Minister. 8 00:01:11,514 --> 00:01:15,871 Months of negotiation and we were on the eve of a press announcement: 9 00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:19,231 "Hacker's massive investment in modern technology." 10 00:01:19,393 --> 00:01:22,273 "Jim's vote of confidence in British industry." 11 00:01:22,433 --> 00:01:24,948 "'Britain can make it,' says Jim." 12 00:01:25,113 --> 00:01:26,671 Quite so. 13 00:01:26,834 --> 00:01:31,749 And now this directive from Brussels saying all EEC members 14 00:01:31,914 --> 00:01:36,112 must conform to some niggling European word-processing standards; 15 00:01:36,274 --> 00:01:40,473 that we have to agree to the plans of committees 16 00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:45,185 at the forthcoming European Word-Processing Conference in Brussels. 17 00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:48,548 Well, say something! 18 00:01:50,514 --> 00:01:52,709 - Yes, Minister. - Quite so. 19 00:01:53,874 --> 00:01:55,388 Is that all? 20 00:01:55,554 --> 00:02:00,468 I'm afraid that's the penalty we pay for pretending we're Europeans. 21 00:02:00,633 --> 00:02:03,102 I fully understand your hostility to Europe. 22 00:02:03,274 --> 00:02:07,553 I'm not like you, Humphrey. I'm pro-Europe, just anti-Brussels. 23 00:02:07,715 --> 00:02:10,786 I sometimes think you're anti-Europe and pro-Brussels. 24 00:02:10,955 --> 00:02:13,548 I'm neither pro- nor anti- anything. 25 00:02:13,715 --> 00:02:18,505 I'm merely a humble vessel for the fruits of your deliberations. 26 00:02:18,673 --> 00:02:23,269 It could be argued that given the absurdity of the European idea, 27 00:02:23,433 --> 00:02:26,871 that Brussels does its best to defend the indefensible 28 00:02:27,035 --> 00:02:31,151 - and make the unworkable work. - That's not true, Humphrey! 29 00:02:31,314 --> 00:02:35,593 Without sounding pompous, we must avoid narrow national self-interest. 30 00:02:35,755 --> 00:02:38,063 - It doesn't sound pompous... - Good. 31 00:02:38,234 --> 00:02:39,825 Merely inaccurate. 32 00:02:41,433 --> 00:02:43,709 Listen, humble vessel, 33 00:02:43,874 --> 00:02:47,708 Europe is a community of nations dedicated towards one goal. 34 00:02:49,554 --> 00:02:51,465 May we share the joke? 35 00:02:51,633 --> 00:02:53,942 Minister, let's look at this objectively. 36 00:02:54,113 --> 00:02:58,870 It's a game played for national interests. Why did we go into it? 37 00:02:59,035 --> 00:03:01,947 To strengthen the free Western nations. 38 00:03:02,113 --> 00:03:06,426 We went in to screw the French by splitting them from the Germans. 39 00:03:06,995 --> 00:03:12,192 - Why did the French go in? - To protect their farmers from competition. 40 00:03:12,353 --> 00:03:16,506 - And the Germans? - To cleanse themselves of genocide 41 00:03:16,673 --> 00:03:19,553 and apply for re-admission to the human race. 42 00:03:19,715 --> 00:03:21,910 I've never heard such cynicism! 43 00:03:22,074 --> 00:03:24,747 The small nations didn't join for selfish reasons. 44 00:03:24,914 --> 00:03:27,907 Really? Luxembourg is in it for the perks. 45 00:03:28,074 --> 00:03:31,862 The EEC capital, all that foreign money pouring in. 46 00:03:32,035 --> 00:03:33,831 A sensible central location. 47 00:03:33,995 --> 00:03:37,430 With the administration in Brussels and the Parliament in Strasbourg? 48 00:03:37,593 --> 00:03:42,826 Minister! It's like having the Commons in Swindon and the Civil Service in Kettering! 49 00:03:43,633 --> 00:03:48,423 Why do other nations try to get in? Take the Greeks... 50 00:03:48,593 --> 00:03:54,702 I find it difficult to take the Greeks, open-minded as I am about foreigners. 51 00:03:55,755 --> 00:03:59,143 They'll want an olive mountain and a retsina lake. 52 00:03:59,314 --> 00:04:01,112 I don't accept this! 53 00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:05,506 I'm sorry. I suppose some of your best friends are Greeks? 54 00:04:05,673 --> 00:04:07,152 (MINISTER) Very droll. 55 00:04:08,153 --> 00:04:11,352 The problem isn't internationalism but too much bureaucracy. 56 00:04:11,514 --> 00:04:14,871 The bureaucracy is a consequence of the internationalism. 57 00:04:15,035 --> 00:04:17,629 Why else is there an English Commissioner, 58 00:04:17,795 --> 00:04:23,584 a French Director-General below him, an Italian Chef-du-Division and so on? 59 00:04:23,755 --> 00:04:26,825 - It's like the Tower of Babel. - I agree. 60 00:04:26,994 --> 00:04:29,269 - Like the United Nations. - I agree. 61 00:04:29,434 --> 00:04:32,584 If I may interject? You are in fact in agreement. 62 00:04:32,755 --> 00:04:34,950 (BOTH) No, we're not. 63 00:04:35,115 --> 00:04:40,871 They say the average Common Market official has the organising ability of the Italians, 64 00:04:41,034 --> 00:04:44,947 the flexibility of the Germans, the modesty of the French, 65 00:04:45,115 --> 00:04:48,391 the imagination of the Belgians, the generosity of the Dutch 66 00:04:48,554 --> 00:04:50,670 and the intelligence of the Irish! 67 00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:53,793 - It's all a gravy train! - How do you mean? 68 00:04:53,954 --> 00:04:59,664 They live on champagne and caviar. Chauffer-driven Mercedes, private aeroplanes. 69 00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:05,467 Every official has his snout in the trough, and most of them their trotters as well! 70 00:05:05,633 --> 00:05:11,584 Oh, I beg to differ. Brussels is full of hard-working public servants 71 00:05:11,755 --> 00:05:14,825 enduring exhausting travel and tedious entertainment. 72 00:05:14,994 --> 00:05:19,510 Working their way through smoked salmon, forcing back all that champagne! 73 00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:25,782 - You're blaming the wrong people. - What do you mean? 74 00:05:25,954 --> 00:05:32,142 One of your Cabinet colleagues warned Brussels of your plan for bulk buying, 75 00:05:32,313 --> 00:05:35,148 which is why the directive appeared so quickly. 76 00:05:35,474 --> 00:05:40,628 Cabinet colleagues? Don't tell me! Bloody Corbett again! 77 00:05:42,313 --> 00:05:45,624 When I think of Corbett, I warm to Judas Iscariot! 78 00:05:46,633 --> 00:05:51,106 Yes, it was the Secretary of State for Trade and Industry. 79 00:05:51,275 --> 00:05:57,463 Treacherous, disloyal, arrogant, self-opinionated, publicity-seeking creep! 80 00:05:58,075 --> 00:06:00,144 I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. 81 00:06:00,954 --> 00:06:06,188 Compared to what his Permanent Secretary says, that's a generous tribute. 82 00:06:06,914 --> 00:06:09,554 - How did he do it? - Who knows? 83 00:06:09,715 --> 00:06:11,432 The evening paper, Minister. 84 00:06:11,593 --> 00:06:15,588 Whenever Corbett comes near me, I feel stabbing pains in the back. 85 00:06:15,755 --> 00:06:18,142 Why did you give me this, Bernard? 86 00:06:18,313 --> 00:06:20,383 - Just there. - Oh, yes. 87 00:06:20,554 --> 00:06:23,786 Good God! Cabinet reshuffle! 88 00:06:24,715 --> 00:06:28,628 "It's rumoured that the PM will announce important Cabinet changes 89 00:06:28,795 --> 00:06:31,262 "before the end of the present session." 90 00:06:31,954 --> 00:06:36,026 Why didn't I know about this? How do they know? Is this true? 91 00:06:36,195 --> 00:06:41,110 I'm only a humble civil servant, I do not move in such exalted circles 92 00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:43,548 as Cabinet Ministers and journalists. 93 00:06:43,715 --> 00:06:46,023 - But is it true? - Yes. 94 00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,151 How do you know? 95 00:06:49,313 --> 00:06:51,545 I mean, it's true that it's rumoured. 96 00:06:52,593 --> 00:06:57,191 A Cabinet reshuffle! I've hardly started to do the things that I... we... 97 00:06:57,354 --> 00:07:00,106 Perhaps you won't be moved, Minister. 98 00:07:00,275 --> 00:07:04,789 Ah... If I'm not, it means my career isn't moving forward as it should. 99 00:07:04,954 --> 00:07:07,787 At least it's not moving backwards. 100 00:07:07,954 --> 00:07:12,425 Backwards? You don't mean...? Good God! But I... 101 00:07:12,593 --> 00:07:17,874 It's not... I mean, it's... I've been doing all right, haven't I? 102 00:07:18,034 --> 00:07:20,992 - We've done all right? - You've done all right. 103 00:07:21,155 --> 00:07:23,827 - We've done all right? - Yes, Minister. 104 00:07:23,994 --> 00:07:29,023 I may not be the outstanding success of this administration, but I'm not a failure. 105 00:07:29,195 --> 00:07:34,063 - You've done all right. - I've been quite successful. 106 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:39,822 If Martin were moved to the Treasury, I could get the Foreign Office! 107 00:07:44,554 --> 00:07:46,226 Perhaps you might. 108 00:07:46,394 --> 00:07:48,704 - You don't sound very certain. - I'm not. 109 00:07:48,874 --> 00:07:52,753 - What have you heard? - Nothing, it's why I'm not certain. 110 00:07:52,914 --> 00:07:57,066 - Why does Bob Carver know? - Perhaps he has the PM's ear. 111 00:07:57,235 --> 00:08:01,624 - He's in the PM's pocket. - Then the PM must have a large ear. 112 00:08:04,115 --> 00:08:07,822 Right, well... Let's not worry about it any more. 113 00:08:11,994 --> 00:08:16,624 - We'll say no more about it. - Yes, Minister. I mean, no, Minister. 114 00:08:16,795 --> 00:08:19,786 There's no point worrying about it, is there? 115 00:08:22,994 --> 00:08:25,508 - Nothing to worry about, is there? - No, Minister. 116 00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:29,144 Shall we attend the Brussels conference? We should. 117 00:08:29,313 --> 00:08:31,508 But if the PM should move Fred...? 118 00:08:31,673 --> 00:08:34,187 Shall we attend the conference in Brussels? 119 00:08:34,354 --> 00:08:37,903 - What? - Word-processing. 120 00:08:38,075 --> 00:08:42,432 Ah! Well, does it take place before or after the reshuffle? 121 00:08:42,593 --> 00:08:47,383 - Who can say? - Well, no. I've known this happen before. 122 00:08:47,553 --> 00:08:51,467 One day you're out of your office, the next you're out of office. 123 00:08:51,633 --> 00:08:53,829 This is no time for an idiotic foreign junket! 124 00:08:53,994 --> 00:08:57,986 Minister, you mustn't allow the reshuffle to prey on your mind. 125 00:08:58,154 --> 00:09:00,383 It's not preying on my mind. 126 00:09:01,394 --> 00:09:04,352 - I'm not thinking any more about it. - Splendid. 127 00:09:04,513 --> 00:09:09,191 Meet me at 6 o'clock in the House of shuffles... cards... Commons. 128 00:09:15,354 --> 00:09:18,106 - Good evening, Sir Humphrey. - Good evening, Major. 129 00:09:20,513 --> 00:09:24,062 Arnold, when will we know about the reshuffle? 130 00:09:24,234 --> 00:09:26,145 A little while yet. 131 00:09:26,313 --> 00:09:28,430 Any news yet about my department? 132 00:09:28,593 --> 00:09:34,305 I'm only Cabinet Secretary, not political correspondent of the New Standard. 133 00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:37,828 But how does my Minister stand? 134 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:41,111 I think the PM feels he's done all right. 135 00:09:41,274 --> 00:09:44,744 But there's been an interesting development. 136 00:09:44,914 --> 00:09:47,383 - Mmm? - Mmm. 137 00:09:48,034 --> 00:09:50,104 Aahh! 138 00:09:52,513 --> 00:09:54,311 What? 139 00:09:55,633 --> 00:10:00,754 Brussels have asked if he'd be available for the next commissionership, if he wanted it. 140 00:10:00,914 --> 00:10:03,223 After all, he's a good European. 141 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,828 In strict confidence, of course. 142 00:10:05,994 --> 00:10:08,144 Is he being gently eased out? 143 00:10:08,313 --> 00:10:10,225 Sir Humphrey, Sir Arnold. 144 00:10:10,394 --> 00:10:12,703 There you are, Bernard. 145 00:10:12,874 --> 00:10:15,627 Right. Would you like a coffee, Bernard? 146 00:10:15,794 --> 00:10:18,262 - Thank you. - Pull up a chair. 147 00:10:22,354 --> 00:10:26,062 Well, Bernard, how do you feel about having a new Minister? 148 00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:29,432 - You mean, he's... - No, Sir Humphrey is conjecturing. 149 00:10:29,593 --> 00:10:32,505 Ah, of course, I'd be very sorry. 150 00:10:34,313 --> 00:10:38,067 Er... Why? Wouldn't you? 151 00:10:38,834 --> 00:10:40,426 Of course not! 152 00:10:40,593 --> 00:10:43,267 - But he's getting a grip on the job. - Exactly! 153 00:10:43,433 --> 00:10:46,471 Ministers with a grip on the job are a nuisance. 154 00:10:46,633 --> 00:10:49,194 - They argue. - All Ministers argue. 155 00:10:49,354 --> 00:10:54,792 If they have a grip on the job, there's a real danger they'll be right. 156 00:10:56,234 --> 00:11:00,466 One tells them something is impossible and they dig out an old paper 157 00:11:00,633 --> 00:11:03,865 in which one had said it was easy - very tedious. 158 00:11:04,034 --> 00:11:08,549 Once they've gone, one can wipe the slate clean and start with a new boy. 159 00:11:08,714 --> 00:11:12,548 Wonderful things, reshuffles. And Prime Ministers like them too. 160 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:16,070 Fresh, decisive, keeps everyone on the hop. 161 00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:18,145 Only Ministers panic about them. 162 00:11:19,034 --> 00:11:21,628 Wouldn't it be interesting if Ministers were fixed 163 00:11:21,794 --> 00:11:24,182 and Permanent Secretaries were shuffled around. 164 00:11:30,354 --> 00:11:34,427 That, Bernard, would strike at the very heart of the system 165 00:11:34,593 --> 00:11:37,870 that has made Britain what she is today. 166 00:11:38,034 --> 00:11:39,945 Power goes with permanence. 167 00:11:40,115 --> 00:11:43,901 - Impermanence is impotence. - Rotation is castration. 168 00:11:44,075 --> 00:11:46,066 It's time they all had a little spin. 169 00:11:47,034 --> 00:11:49,548 Yes, but surely in a democracy... 170 00:11:49,714 --> 00:11:52,182 Thank you, Bernard, that'll be all. 171 00:11:52,354 --> 00:11:55,267 - Yes, but I've only... - Thank you, Bernard. 172 00:11:55,433 --> 00:11:57,629 Yes, thank you, Sir Humphrey. 173 00:11:57,794 --> 00:12:00,262 Good night, Sir Arnold. 174 00:12:05,633 --> 00:12:10,754 If your Minister does take Brussels, I wouldn't get out the champagne too soon. 175 00:12:11,754 --> 00:12:16,544 - What do you mean? - There is talk of his possible successor. 176 00:12:18,313 --> 00:12:19,633 Who? 177 00:12:19,794 --> 00:12:22,752 I don't know how to put this, but, well... 178 00:12:22,914 --> 00:12:24,745 ...Basil Corbett. 179 00:12:31,354 --> 00:12:34,187 What's the matter, darling? Jim? 180 00:12:35,633 --> 00:12:37,589 - Jim! - I'm sorry. 181 00:12:37,754 --> 00:12:41,303 - Something wrong? - No, nothing, really. 182 00:12:41,473 --> 00:12:43,271 Something is. 183 00:12:43,433 --> 00:12:45,709 The papers are full of a reshuffle. 184 00:12:45,874 --> 00:12:47,944 - Are they true? - I don't know. 185 00:12:48,115 --> 00:12:51,743 - You're in the Cabinet. - We're the last to find out. 186 00:12:51,914 --> 00:12:54,303 - Can't you ask the PM? - Of course not. 187 00:12:54,473 --> 00:12:57,910 - Why not? - Well... I just can't. 188 00:12:58,115 --> 00:13:02,709 - It would look as if I were insecure. - I see. 189 00:13:02,874 --> 00:13:07,231 I don't know whether it's good or bad news, whether I'm up or down. 190 00:13:07,394 --> 00:13:09,031 Or round and round. 191 00:13:09,194 --> 00:13:12,549 I don't know whether I'm a success or failure. 192 00:13:12,714 --> 00:13:16,832 - What do you think? - I think you've done all right. 193 00:13:17,473 --> 00:13:19,624 - Is that good enough? - I don't know. 194 00:13:19,794 --> 00:13:23,343 - I don't know, is it? - I don't know. 195 00:13:23,513 --> 00:13:27,553 It's difficult to tell. The PM might think I've been too successful. 196 00:13:27,714 --> 00:13:30,069 You know, a challenge to the leadership. 197 00:13:30,234 --> 00:13:31,825 You?! 198 00:13:33,874 --> 00:13:37,548 No, not me, but Martin with my support. 199 00:13:37,714 --> 00:13:40,785 If the PM is standing by to repel boarders, 200 00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:43,752 and Martin can't be got rid of safely, 201 00:13:43,914 --> 00:13:47,906 which he can't as Foreign Secretary, I'm the obvious one for demotion. 202 00:13:48,075 --> 00:13:50,951 - Isolate Martin. - Where would you be sent? 203 00:13:51,115 --> 00:13:53,673 There's no shortage of useless non-jobs. 204 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:57,906 Lord President, Lord Privy Seal... Minister of Sport... 205 00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:03,229 ...with special responsibility for droughts and floods. 206 00:14:04,034 --> 00:14:06,183 Maybe you'll get promotion, darling. 207 00:14:06,354 --> 00:14:09,346 Maybe... Don't forget there's Basil Corbett. 208 00:14:09,513 --> 00:14:12,392 - He's out to get me. - To get everyone. 209 00:14:12,553 --> 00:14:16,467 He's a smooth-tongued, hard-nosed, cold-eyed, two-faced creep. 210 00:14:16,633 --> 00:14:18,865 Why's he so successful? 211 00:14:19,034 --> 00:14:21,026 Because he's a smooth-tongued, hard-nosed, 212 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,105 cold-eyed, two-faced creep. 213 00:14:23,274 --> 00:14:26,267 - Apart from that? - He looks OK on TV. 214 00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:28,743 - So do you! - Do I? 215 00:14:28,914 --> 00:14:31,383 - Yes! - Really mean that? 216 00:14:31,553 --> 00:14:34,512 - Yes. - What a nice thing to say! 217 00:14:35,394 --> 00:14:38,352 I've got to elbow Corbett or he'll elbow me. 218 00:14:38,513 --> 00:14:41,472 Elbows, the most important weapon in a politician's armoury. 219 00:14:41,633 --> 00:14:46,788 - Other than integrity. - Integrity?! 220 00:14:48,274 --> 00:14:50,071 (TELEPHONE RINGS) 221 00:14:53,154 --> 00:14:54,473 Yes? 222 00:14:54,633 --> 00:14:58,263 Who's speaking? Hold on. It's Gaston Larousse from Brussels. 223 00:14:58,433 --> 00:15:00,424 From Brussels? 224 00:15:02,994 --> 00:15:06,031 Bonsoir, Commissionaire... Commissar... 225 00:15:08,633 --> 00:15:09,953 Si... 226 00:15:11,513 --> 00:15:13,549 That's very interesting. 227 00:15:13,714 --> 00:15:16,945 I shall need a little time to think about it. 228 00:15:17,115 --> 00:15:19,263 I'm very honoured. 229 00:15:19,433 --> 00:15:24,588 Does Numero Dix know you're talking to me about this? 230 00:15:26,313 --> 00:15:28,305 Number 10. 231 00:15:30,754 --> 00:15:33,029 Downing Street. 232 00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:39,388 I see... Tell you what, give me your home telephone number. 233 00:15:40,274 --> 00:15:41,912 Yes... 234 00:15:43,593 --> 00:15:49,066 I'll give you a ring very soon. Thank you very much, goodbye. 235 00:15:50,234 --> 00:15:52,191 What was that? 236 00:15:52,354 --> 00:15:54,709 - I don't know. - What do you mean? 237 00:15:56,553 --> 00:16:01,946 They want my name put forward as one of Britain's commissioners for the EEC. 238 00:16:05,234 --> 00:16:08,509 - What does it mean? - Living in Brussels. 239 00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:11,787 No, I mean, what does it mean? 240 00:16:11,954 --> 00:16:16,186 Number 10 knows, so is it a plot to ease me out? 241 00:16:16,354 --> 00:16:20,552 Is it just a coincidence? What does it mean? Is it a hint? 242 00:16:20,714 --> 00:16:23,673 Is the PM giving me a face-saving exit? 243 00:16:23,834 --> 00:16:26,712 Or was the post coming up anyway? 244 00:16:26,874 --> 00:16:30,230 It's a great honour... in a way. 245 00:16:30,394 --> 00:16:33,272 - Is it a good job? - Terrible. 246 00:16:34,553 --> 00:16:37,865 It's curtains as far as British politics is concerned. 247 00:16:38,874 --> 00:16:43,504 It's worse than a peerage. Absolute failure, total failure. 248 00:16:44,075 --> 00:16:48,307 You're reduced to forming a new party if ever you want to get back. 249 00:16:48,754 --> 00:16:51,062 What does the job involve? 250 00:16:51,234 --> 00:16:55,865 You're at the heart of that ghastly Brussels bureaucracy, the gravy train. 251 00:16:56,034 --> 00:16:59,743 50,000 a year salary, 20,000 a year expenses. 252 00:17:00,473 --> 00:17:04,432 Champagne, lobsters, foreign travel, luxury hotel... 253 00:17:05,354 --> 00:17:07,391 ...private limousines, private aircraft... 254 00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:11,469 ...siestas in the afternoon... 255 00:17:12,195 --> 00:17:15,027 ...long weekends at Knocke-le-Zoute... 256 00:17:15,994 --> 00:17:19,987 - We should go over and have a look. - Why not? 257 00:17:20,155 --> 00:17:23,351 Sometimes we deserve a bit of failure. 258 00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:29,110 Going to be a reshuffle, sir? 259 00:17:29,275 --> 00:17:32,585 Yes, I suppose you saw that in the Standard. 260 00:17:32,755 --> 00:17:35,633 - Yes, sir. - So did I, actually. 261 00:17:35,795 --> 00:17:38,432 I first heard it a couple of weeks ago, sir. 262 00:17:38,594 --> 00:17:40,550 - Did you? - Yes, sir. 263 00:17:40,715 --> 00:17:44,229 So did I, really. Where did you hear it? 264 00:17:44,394 --> 00:17:46,954 - All the drivers knew. - How? 265 00:17:47,115 --> 00:17:49,264 From the PM's driver. 266 00:17:49,434 --> 00:17:52,153 - The Cabinet Secretary's driver. - Oh, yes. 267 00:17:53,474 --> 00:17:56,750 - What else did they hear? - Just the usual. 268 00:17:56,914 --> 00:18:01,351 Corbett's in line for promotion, PM can't overlook him. 269 00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:06,144 Apparently, old Fred - the Employment Secretary, sorry, sir - 270 00:18:06,313 --> 00:18:08,909 he's going to get kicked upstairs. 271 00:18:09,075 --> 00:18:12,590 - How do they know? - His driver's been re-assigned. 272 00:18:14,115 --> 00:18:17,391 What's the gossip about me? 273 00:18:17,554 --> 00:18:20,023 Well, nothing really, sir. 274 00:18:20,195 --> 00:18:21,753 - Nothing? - No. 275 00:18:21,914 --> 00:18:24,474 We don't know what to make of that. 276 00:18:24,634 --> 00:18:28,514 - You'll know, won't you, sir? - Yes, of course. 277 00:18:29,155 --> 00:18:31,987 Sometimes it's difficult to know about oneself. 278 00:18:32,155 --> 00:18:35,545 You, know, just how successful... 279 00:18:37,795 --> 00:18:41,628 What do your mates say... about...? 280 00:18:41,795 --> 00:18:45,992 They all think you've done all right, sir. 281 00:18:47,514 --> 00:18:52,030 - I'm in a bit of a quandary. - Can I help, Minister? 282 00:18:52,195 --> 00:18:55,072 It's this reshuffle that's on the cards. 283 00:18:56,275 --> 00:18:58,709 That's very witty, Minister! 284 00:19:01,354 --> 00:19:05,633 I'm sorry, I thought you were making a... Do please carry on. 285 00:19:07,235 --> 00:19:11,546 To complicate matters, I've been asked to be an EEC Commissioner. 286 00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:14,831 - Very nice. - Is it nice, Bernard? 287 00:19:14,994 --> 00:19:18,874 Bernard, tell me, quite frankly... 288 00:19:20,155 --> 00:19:25,023 ...as Minister here, do you think I've done all right? 289 00:19:26,034 --> 00:19:27,865 You've done all right. 290 00:19:28,994 --> 00:19:31,713 Humphrey's blocked me on so many issues. 291 00:19:31,875 --> 00:19:34,150 He's never really been on my side. 292 00:19:34,315 --> 00:19:38,672 To be honest, "all right" isn't really good enough, is it? 293 00:19:39,394 --> 00:19:42,067 Well, it's... all right. 294 00:19:44,673 --> 00:19:50,625 Have you... er... heard anything... on the grapevine? 295 00:19:51,153 --> 00:19:52,713 About you? 296 00:19:52,875 --> 00:19:54,865 Nothing really, Minister, no. 297 00:19:55,034 --> 00:19:58,266 Only that the British Commissioner in Europe sent a telegram 298 00:19:58,434 --> 00:20:01,313 to the FCO and the Cabinet Committee on Europe. 299 00:20:01,474 --> 00:20:04,945 The idea for you to be a Commissioner came from Brussels, 300 00:20:05,115 --> 00:20:07,913 but it is a Prime Ministerial appointment. 301 00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:12,626 The PM discussed it with the Foreign Secretary and the Cabinet Secretary 302 00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:15,992 and cleared the way for you to be sounded out. 303 00:20:16,153 --> 00:20:19,988 As it's believed at Number 10 and Number 11 that you might accept, 304 00:20:20,153 --> 00:20:24,146 a colleague has been sounded outabout becoming Minister here. 305 00:20:24,315 --> 00:20:26,590 I'm afraid that's all I know. 306 00:20:28,994 --> 00:20:31,144 No more than that? 307 00:20:33,354 --> 00:20:36,664 Which colleague has been sounded out to take my place? 308 00:20:39,474 --> 00:20:43,103 Bernard, if I were not to go to Europe... 309 00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:48,144 No, if I did go... No, if I were not to go to Europe, 310 00:20:48,315 --> 00:20:52,226 would I go up or down? 311 00:20:55,074 --> 00:20:56,508 (BUZZER) 312 00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:59,472 Time for your meeting with Sir Humphrey, Minister. 313 00:20:59,635 --> 00:21:02,353 - Yes, fine. - What's it about? 314 00:21:02,514 --> 00:21:05,630 The visit to the word-processing conference. 315 00:21:05,795 --> 00:21:08,150 The word-processing conference? 316 00:21:08,315 --> 00:21:12,786 Humphrey, you'll be pleased to hear that I've changed my mind, 317 00:21:12,954 --> 00:21:15,833 I shall be going to Brussels after all. 318 00:21:15,994 --> 00:21:19,351 You're resigning from the Department?! 319 00:21:19,514 --> 00:21:22,824 No, I'm talking about this word-processing conference. 320 00:21:22,994 --> 00:21:26,269 - I see. - I would like to see Brussels. 321 00:21:26,434 --> 00:21:28,744 - Why? - Why not? 322 00:21:28,914 --> 00:21:31,429 Why not, indeed, but why? 323 00:21:31,594 --> 00:21:34,869 - I'm a curious person. - You certainly are. 324 00:21:35,034 --> 00:21:37,264 I've been a little hasty. 325 00:21:37,434 --> 00:21:40,505 Your arguments on behalf of Brussels were thoroughly convincing. 326 00:21:40,673 --> 00:21:43,950 Minister, I've been reflecting on your views, 327 00:21:44,115 --> 00:21:47,152 and I find wisdom in your criticism of Brussels. 328 00:21:47,315 --> 00:21:51,706 - You implied it is corrupt and... - No, no, no. 329 00:21:51,875 --> 00:21:54,070 - Minister, please... - No, Humphrey. 330 00:21:54,235 --> 00:21:56,668 It is you who have convinced me. 331 00:21:56,834 --> 00:22:00,985 I'm now convinced that Brussels is full of dedicated men, 332 00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:05,626 all bearing a heavy burden of travel and entertainment. 333 00:22:05,795 --> 00:22:07,990 They need all that luxury. 334 00:22:08,153 --> 00:22:10,110 The odd drinky! 335 00:22:10,594 --> 00:22:13,791 Caviar and champagne, private planes, air-conditioned Mercedes? 336 00:22:13,954 --> 00:22:15,945 It oils the diplomatic wheels. 337 00:22:16,914 --> 00:22:18,950 Snouts in the trough. 338 00:22:19,115 --> 00:22:24,188 - That's not an attractive phrase. - I'm sorry. I can't think where I picked it up! 339 00:22:24,354 --> 00:22:27,744 We'll all go to this conference, agreed? 340 00:22:27,914 --> 00:22:32,750 - Is your change of heart due to my arguments? - Of course. 341 00:22:32,914 --> 00:22:37,704 It's nothing to do with the rumour of you being offered a post in Brussels? 342 00:22:38,834 --> 00:22:41,190 That thought is not worthy of you. 343 00:22:41,354 --> 00:22:44,472 There is such a thing as integrity. 344 00:22:48,474 --> 00:22:50,431 Oh, yes, thank you. 345 00:22:54,034 --> 00:22:57,663 Corbett! You can't let someone like Corbett... 346 00:23:01,034 --> 00:23:04,470 (You simply can't let Corbett loose on the department.) 347 00:23:04,635 --> 00:23:07,911 (It'd be disastrous. Everything one says to Corbett) 348 00:23:08,074 --> 00:23:10,588 (appears in the Sun the next morning.) 349 00:23:11,954 --> 00:23:13,865 Glad to know you read the Sun. 350 00:23:15,514 --> 00:23:18,472 You must stop it, Arnold, I implore you. 351 00:23:18,635 --> 00:23:20,590 I'm not the Prime Minister. 352 00:23:20,753 --> 00:23:23,269 It is really you who arranges the reshuffles. 353 00:23:23,434 --> 00:23:27,144 No, if there's an appointment the PM is set on, 354 00:23:27,315 --> 00:23:29,875 the Cabinet Secretary must reluctantly acquiesce. 355 00:23:30,715 --> 00:23:33,353 You do keep your hand on the tiller. 356 00:23:34,514 --> 00:23:37,393 If Hacker decides to turn down Brussels, 357 00:23:37,555 --> 00:23:41,182 it would be easier to keep Corbett away from your department. 358 00:23:41,354 --> 00:23:44,108 This is the trouble, he'll take Brussels. 359 00:23:45,315 --> 00:23:47,269 - Oh. - Yes, I know. 360 00:23:47,434 --> 00:23:50,552 He says he believes in the European ideal. 361 00:23:50,715 --> 00:23:53,103 Yes, I know, I know. 362 00:23:54,195 --> 00:23:57,869 Politicians get taken in by their own speeches. 363 00:23:59,315 --> 00:24:04,229 This is partly your fault. You've blocked Hacker time and again. 364 00:24:04,715 --> 00:24:08,628 Only in the interests of good government, Arnold. 365 00:24:08,795 --> 00:24:13,869 Quite. But what you need is for Hacker to have a big success in the next few days. 366 00:24:14,034 --> 00:24:16,594 - A big success? - Yes. 367 00:24:16,753 --> 00:24:18,985 The next few days? 368 00:24:20,195 --> 00:24:24,869 That would give me, give the PM, a good case for keeping him here. 369 00:24:25,034 --> 00:24:28,788 Then, we might be able to move Corbett to Employment. 370 00:24:29,315 --> 00:24:31,431 Is Fred definitely going? 371 00:24:31,594 --> 00:24:34,233 Yes, he keeps falling asleep in Cabinet. 372 00:24:35,795 --> 00:24:37,831 I thought they all did. 373 00:24:37,994 --> 00:24:40,952 Yes, but not while they're actually talking. 374 00:24:52,795 --> 00:24:55,831 - Ah, Humphrey! Any news? - Of what, Minister? 375 00:24:55,994 --> 00:24:57,985 - The Cabinet reshuffle. - No. 376 00:24:58,153 --> 00:25:00,749 Didn't you have lunch with the Cabinet Secretary? 377 00:25:00,914 --> 00:25:02,825 - Yes. - What came up? 378 00:25:02,994 --> 00:25:04,586 Nothing as yet! 379 00:25:04,753 --> 00:25:08,747 All I know is the reshuffle will be announced on Monday. 380 00:25:08,914 --> 00:25:11,474 - Have you any news? - Of what? 381 00:25:11,994 --> 00:25:14,269 The Commissionship. Are you going to Brussels? 382 00:25:15,153 --> 00:25:16,985 Well... 383 00:25:17,153 --> 00:25:22,275 Speaking with my Parliamentary hat on, I don't think it would be a good idea. 384 00:25:22,434 --> 00:25:26,713 With my Cabinet hat on, it would be a good idea. 385 00:25:26,875 --> 00:25:31,425 Again, with my party hat on, there could be arguments on both sides. 386 00:25:31,594 --> 00:25:34,427 Which hat are you talking through now? 387 00:25:35,555 --> 00:25:40,992 - Have you decided about going to Brussels? - Yes and no. 388 00:25:41,153 --> 00:25:46,831 - What are the pros and cons, Minister? - I don't know. 389 00:25:49,434 --> 00:25:52,188 I haven't said this before, 390 00:25:52,354 --> 00:25:57,304 but it depends on whether I've done all right. What do you think? 391 00:25:57,474 --> 00:25:59,465 (BOTH) You've done all right. 392 00:25:59,635 --> 00:26:02,307 If I've done all right, that's all right, 393 00:26:02,474 --> 00:26:04,750 I shall stay because I'll be all right. 394 00:26:04,914 --> 00:26:09,032 But if I've only done all right, to stay would be wrong, right? 395 00:26:09,195 --> 00:26:14,063 Minister, to be on the safe side, you need a big success. 396 00:26:14,235 --> 00:26:16,465 - Yes. - A triumph, in fact. 397 00:26:16,635 --> 00:26:20,787 You need some personal publicity for some great political achievement. 398 00:26:20,954 --> 00:26:24,947 - What have you in mind? - I'm trying to think of something. 399 00:26:25,115 --> 00:26:28,391 Thank you, that's a great help. What's the purpose? 400 00:26:28,555 --> 00:26:30,510 Something did come up at lunch. 401 00:26:30,673 --> 00:26:32,949 Sir Arnold feels that with this triumph, 402 00:26:33,115 --> 00:26:35,231 the PM couldn't move you downwards, 403 00:26:35,394 --> 00:26:39,512 and Bernard and I might have the good fortune of you staying on with us. 404 00:26:39,673 --> 00:26:41,744 So there's no chance of moving up? 405 00:26:41,914 --> 00:26:44,190 Ooh... 406 00:26:44,354 --> 00:26:46,548 Sadly, Minister, alas. 407 00:26:46,715 --> 00:26:49,592 - One must be a realist. - Oh, well. 408 00:26:50,594 --> 00:26:53,028 That's it, it's got to be Brussels. 409 00:26:53,195 --> 00:26:56,584 No, wait a minute. I've got an idea. 410 00:26:56,753 --> 00:26:59,951 Supposing you ignore the EEC. 411 00:27:00,115 --> 00:27:03,072 Publish your own plans for word-processing machines... 412 00:27:04,074 --> 00:27:07,146 ...with big orders for British manufacturers... 413 00:27:08,275 --> 00:27:10,583 ...starting immediately. Tomorrow. 414 00:27:10,753 --> 00:27:12,789 Certainly before Monday. 415 00:27:12,954 --> 00:27:15,867 Involving more jobs, more investment. 416 00:27:16,034 --> 00:27:18,342 - More export orders. - More votes. 417 00:27:18,514 --> 00:27:20,505 Yes, when the time comes. 418 00:27:20,673 --> 00:27:24,110 - We can't defy an EEC directive. - It isn't a directive. 419 00:27:24,275 --> 00:27:27,425 It hasn't been ratified, it's merely a request. 420 00:27:27,594 --> 00:27:30,666 We can't stab our partners in the back and spit in their face. 421 00:27:30,834 --> 00:27:34,793 You can't stab anyone in the back while spitting in their face. 422 00:27:35,594 --> 00:27:38,188 On the other hand, defying Brussels would be... 423 00:27:38,354 --> 00:27:39,867 Very popular! 424 00:27:40,034 --> 00:27:42,264 And prove I had elbows. 425 00:27:42,914 --> 00:27:44,427 What? 426 00:27:44,594 --> 00:27:46,949 Elbows, elbows! 427 00:27:47,115 --> 00:27:48,672 - But... - But what? 428 00:27:48,834 --> 00:27:51,269 I'd have to give up all that... 429 00:27:51,434 --> 00:27:54,108 - Trough. - Right. 430 00:27:54,275 --> 00:27:58,586 When it comes down to it, one's own country must come first. 431 00:27:59,394 --> 00:28:01,032 How true. 432 00:28:01,195 --> 00:28:04,709 And, although, strictly, this isn't a Government matter, 433 00:28:04,875 --> 00:28:08,548 I, personally, would be deeply sorry to lose you. 434 00:28:08,715 --> 00:28:11,103 Really, Humphrey, is that true? 435 00:28:11,275 --> 00:28:13,663 Yes, I mean that, Minister, most sincerely. 436 00:28:13,834 --> 00:28:17,668 I suppose we have got fond of one another. 437 00:28:17,834 --> 00:28:20,349 - In a way. - In a way, yes. 438 00:28:20,514 --> 00:28:22,869 Like a terrorist and his hostage. 439 00:28:25,635 --> 00:28:27,271 Which is the terrorist? 440 00:28:27,434 --> 00:28:29,391 (BOTH) He is! 441 00:28:30,994 --> 00:28:33,985 Right, OK, Bernard, that's the decision. 442 00:28:34,153 --> 00:28:36,110 Inform the press! 443 00:28:36,275 --> 00:28:41,633 Tell me, Humphrey, who would have got my position if I'd gone to Brussels? 444 00:28:42,673 --> 00:28:44,472 I don't know... 445 00:28:44,635 --> 00:28:47,865 Didn't you tell me it was Basil Corbett? 446 00:28:48,994 --> 00:28:51,110 Basil Corbett?! 447 00:28:51,875 --> 00:28:54,434 I see, Basil Corbett. 448 00:28:58,954 --> 00:29:00,547 Yes, Minister. 449 00:29:02,887 --> 00:29:12,321 http://episode-heaven.rt.hu