1
00:00:43,647 --> 00:00:48,005
You'll let me have your redraft
on establishment levels by Thursday?

2
00:00:48,170 --> 00:00:50,444
You need it that early?

3
00:00:52,130 --> 00:00:54,246
I don't need it that early,

4
00:00:54,409 --> 00:00:57,845
but the Minister has to read it
before facing the select committee.

5
00:00:58,009 --> 00:01:01,444
What makes it harder, he has to remember it.

6
00:01:01,609 --> 00:01:04,567
Harder still, he has to understand it.

7
00:01:04,729 --> 00:01:08,607
Incidentally, did you write
the Minister's Washington speech?

8
00:01:09,450 --> 00:01:11,040
Yes, Sir Humphrey.

9
00:01:11,210 --> 00:01:14,246
- Splendid. Well done.
- Thank you, Sir Humphrey.

10
00:01:14,409 --> 00:01:16,365
The Minister's in now.

11
00:01:16,529 --> 00:01:19,281
Good. Right, thank you all.

12
00:01:19,450 --> 00:01:23,156
Have you enjoyed having
your Minister away for a week?

13
00:01:23,328 --> 00:01:26,321
Not very much. Makes things very difficult.

14
00:01:26,490 --> 00:01:28,844
Ah, Bernard!

15
00:01:29,009 --> 00:01:32,240
A Minister's absence is a godsend!

16
00:01:32,409 --> 00:01:35,719
You can do the job properly for once.

17
00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:40,805
No silly questions, no bright ideas,
no fussing about the papers.

18
00:01:40,969 --> 00:01:46,759
I think our Minister doesn't believe he exists
unless he's in the papers.

19
00:01:46,930 --> 00:01:52,002
I'll bet the first thing he says is,
"Any reports on my Washington speech?"

20
00:01:52,170 --> 00:01:53,967
- How much?
- A pound.

21
00:01:54,130 --> 00:01:57,359
Done. He won't because he's already asked!

22
00:01:59,210 --> 00:02:02,723
In the car on the way back from Heathrow.

23
00:02:02,888 --> 00:02:05,846
You're learning, Bernard. Sit down.

24
00:02:06,009 --> 00:02:09,000
See why a Minister's absence is a good thing?

25
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:13,127
- Yes, but so much work piles up.
- There we are.

26
00:02:13,288 --> 00:02:18,078
With a couple of days' briefing
before he goes and debriefing after,

27
00:02:18,250 --> 00:02:20,888
he's out of our hair for a fortnight.

28
00:02:21,049 --> 00:02:26,682
If he complains of being uninformed,
say it came up while he was away.

29
00:02:26,848 --> 00:02:29,603
Hence so many summit conferences?

30
00:02:29,769 --> 00:02:32,237
That's the only way the country works!

31
00:02:32,409 --> 00:02:36,560
Concentrate all the power
at Number 10 then send the PM away

32
00:02:36,729 --> 00:02:41,359
to EEC summits, NATO summits,
Commonwealth summits, anywhere!

33
00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:45,567
Then the Cabinet Secretary
can run the country properly.

34
00:02:45,729 --> 00:02:48,403
We ought to see him now.

35
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:51,528
What do you think of the Washington speech?

36
00:02:51,690 --> 00:02:56,161
"British administration as a model
of loyalty and efficiency.

37
00:02:56,328 --> 00:03:00,241
"A ruthless war on waste,
cutting bureaucracy to the bone.

38
00:03:00,409 --> 00:03:03,321
- "Britain can teach the world!"
- Can we prove it?

39
00:03:03,490 --> 00:03:08,438
A good speech isn't one where
we can prove he's telling the truth.

40
00:03:08,609 --> 00:03:12,317
It's one in which nobody else can prove he's lying!

41
00:03:12,490 --> 00:03:17,769
But even so, I'm sure it was good,

42
00:03:17,930 --> 00:03:22,319
but I just wondered whether
it was boring for the audience.

43
00:03:23,930 --> 00:03:26,761
Of course it was boring!

44
00:03:27,690 --> 00:03:30,078
Bored the pants of them!

45
00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:33,638
Ghastly to have to sit through it, I should think!

46
00:03:33,808 --> 00:03:36,721
Ministers' speeches aren't written
for the audience.

47
00:03:36,888 --> 00:03:38,209
Aren't they?

48
00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:44,000
Delivering a speech is just a formality
you go through to get into the papers.

49
00:03:44,170 --> 00:03:48,163
We can't worry about entertaining.
We're not writing for a comedian.

50
00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:51,002
Well, not a professional one!

51
00:03:51,729 --> 00:03:54,721
The point is the speech said the right things.

52
00:03:54,888 --> 00:03:59,008
- But why say it in public?
- It's vital.

53
00:03:59,170 --> 00:04:04,005
Once it's printed, the Minister has
to defend us in select committees.

54
00:04:04,170 --> 00:04:09,288
- He defends us anyway.
- Well... only to a point, Bernard.

55
00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:11,723
Once something goes wrong,

56
00:04:11,888 --> 00:04:17,009
the Minister's first instinct is
to rat on his department.

57
00:04:17,170 --> 00:04:19,923
We must nail his trousers to the mast.

58
00:04:20,089 --> 00:04:23,877
- You mean nail his colours?
- No, his trousers.

59
00:04:24,049 --> 00:04:27,201
Then he can't climb down! Come on.

60
00:04:30,569 --> 00:04:33,403
- Welcome home, Minister!
- Hello, Humphrey.

61
00:04:33,569 --> 00:04:38,596
Bernard, didn't you say there were
some press cuttings on my speech?

62
00:04:38,769 --> 00:04:41,807
Yes, I put them in the box, Minister.

63
00:04:51,888 --> 00:04:56,519
Minister, you do realise
the importance of tomorrow's hearing?

64
00:04:56,690 --> 00:04:59,079
Indeed. The press will be there.

65
00:04:59,250 --> 00:05:01,922
It's not just a question of the press.

66
00:05:02,090 --> 00:05:05,206
It's a scrutiny of this department's
future operation.

67
00:05:05,369 --> 00:05:08,726
If it emerged that we were
extravagant or incompetent...

68
00:05:08,889 --> 00:05:11,880
- Are we extravagant or incompetent?
- Of course not.

69
00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:16,407
But there are hostile members,
especially the one for Derbyshire.

70
00:05:16,570 --> 00:05:19,960
- No! Betty Oldham won't be there?
- Yes, alas.

71
00:05:20,130 --> 00:05:25,079
I urge you to master this brief,
and ask if you have any problems.

72
00:05:25,250 --> 00:05:29,402
Another brief? I've only just mastered one.

73
00:05:29,570 --> 00:05:31,800
Really? What was in it?

74
00:05:32,929 --> 00:05:34,840
I can't remember.

75
00:05:35,010 --> 00:05:39,800
So difficult to concentrate on a plane,
all those drinks and movies.

76
00:05:40,610 --> 00:05:43,965
- And they wake you up.
- Of course, Minister.

77
00:05:44,130 --> 00:05:47,644
Frightfully difficult to concentrate
if you keep being woken up.

78
00:05:47,809 --> 00:05:53,965
Seriously, this is the only brief with possible
questions from the committee

79
00:05:54,130 --> 00:05:57,916
with appropriate answers carefully
presented to give our position.

80
00:05:58,090 --> 00:06:00,126
Is it absolutely accurate?

81
00:06:00,289 --> 00:06:03,202
They're carefully presented to give our position.

82
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:07,960
These committees are important.
I cannot be seen to mislead them.

83
00:06:08,130 --> 00:06:10,802
You will not be seen to mislead them.

84
00:06:10,969 --> 00:06:13,768
- The truth?
- And nothing but.

85
00:06:13,929 --> 00:06:16,079
- The whole truth?
- Of course not.

86
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:19,322
- We tell them we keep secrets?
- Indeed not!

87
00:06:19,489 --> 00:06:21,367
Why not?

88
00:06:21,530 --> 00:06:24,646
"He that would keep a secret
must keep it secret,

89
00:06:24,809 --> 00:06:28,438
"that he hath the secret to keep."

90
00:06:32,969 --> 00:06:34,960
Who said that?

91
00:06:35,769 --> 00:06:37,760
It was Sir Humphrey.

92
00:06:39,530 --> 00:06:43,728
- Who said it originally?
- Francis Bacon, wasn't it?

93
00:06:43,889 --> 00:06:45,289
Oh, yes.

94
00:06:45,449 --> 00:06:48,246
Why can't we go anywhere without briefs?

95
00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:51,925
In case they get caught with their trousers down.

96
00:06:52,728 --> 00:06:55,608
Trousers down! Pick them...!

97
00:06:56,489 --> 00:06:58,400
Very droll, Bernard.

98
00:06:58,570 --> 00:07:02,563
- Are we going to be interrupted?
- Your diary's empty today.

99
00:07:02,728 --> 00:07:05,402
What was in that submission I read?

100
00:07:05,570 --> 00:07:08,641
More or less a rehash of last year's report.

101
00:07:08,809 --> 00:07:11,324
And the year before? And the year before that?

102
00:07:11,489 --> 00:07:13,684
Yes, ever since 1867.

103
00:07:13,849 --> 00:07:17,159
With appropriate alterations.
Shall we go through it?

104
00:07:17,449 --> 00:07:19,599
Must we? I'm still jet-lagged.

105
00:07:19,769 --> 00:07:22,000
All the press will be there.

106
00:07:22,170 --> 00:07:24,206
Right, let's get down to it.

107
00:07:25,010 --> 00:07:29,242
The fact is that the Department
of Administrative Affairs

108
00:07:29,409 --> 00:07:33,688
is run to a high standard of efficiency
and supports and services

109
00:07:33,849 --> 00:07:37,889
the administrative work
of all Government departments,

110
00:07:38,050 --> 00:07:40,119
as we've said in our submission.

111
00:07:40,289 --> 00:07:43,041
Thank you, Minister. Questions?

112
00:07:43,210 --> 00:07:45,518
- Mrs Oldham?
- Thank you.

113
00:07:45,690 --> 00:07:48,726
Minister, have you heard of Malcolm Rhodes?

114
00:07:50,769 --> 00:07:52,121
No.

115
00:07:52,289 --> 00:07:58,559
He was assistant secretary
in the DAA until he resigned last year.

116
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:01,688
There are 23,000 people in the DAA.

117
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,807
But he resigned or was eased out.

118
00:08:04,969 --> 00:08:08,724
Became a management consultant
and has just written a book -

119
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:11,039
this is an advance proof -

120
00:08:11,210 --> 00:08:16,125
in which he makes astounding
allegations of waste of public money,

121
00:08:16,289 --> 00:08:18,485
particularly in your department.

122
00:08:20,010 --> 00:08:23,398
Could I have a word with my officials,
Mr Chairman?

123
00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:26,880
- Know about this?
- Not about the book.

124
00:08:27,050 --> 00:08:30,326
- Who is Rhodes?
- He's a trouble-maker.

125
00:08:30,489 --> 00:08:32,719
- What's in the book?
- Don't know.

126
00:08:32,889 --> 00:08:35,085
- What do I do?
- Stall.

127
00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:37,844
"Stall", meaning avoiding answer.

128
00:08:38,010 --> 00:08:40,570
Yes, I know what stall means!

129
00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:44,005
You've sent me into a typhoon
without even an umbrella!

130
00:08:44,170 --> 00:08:46,206
An umbrella's no use in wind...

131
00:08:46,369 --> 00:08:48,280
Shut up, Bernard!

132
00:08:49,170 --> 00:08:53,048
Have you had sufficient consultation
with your officials?

133
00:08:53,210 --> 00:08:54,528
I...

134
00:08:54,690 --> 00:08:59,478
Let me read you some
scandalous facts Mr Rhodes reveals,

135
00:08:59,648 --> 00:09:04,405
and I quote, "No 4 supply
depot in Herefordshire,

136
00:09:04,570 --> 00:09:08,244
"two former aircraft hangars
used only for stores

137
00:09:08,409 --> 00:09:12,641
"but which are centrally-heated
to 70 degrees day and night."

138
00:09:12,809 --> 00:09:17,724
- What do you say about that?
- I can't answer without prior notice.

139
00:09:17,889 --> 00:09:21,563
- It might not be true.
- It is. I checked.

140
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:25,518
What reason can there be
for such appalling extravagance?

141
00:09:25,688 --> 00:09:30,478
Some materials deteriorate at low
temperatures, depending on what it is.

142
00:09:31,088 --> 00:09:32,646
Copper wire.

143
00:09:34,329 --> 00:09:37,402
Yes, well... copper wire?

144
00:09:37,570 --> 00:09:40,365
It can corrode in damp conditions.

145
00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:43,248
It's plastic-coated.

146
00:09:43,409 --> 00:09:44,922
Plastic-coated?

147
00:09:45,088 --> 00:09:46,405
I...

148
00:09:46,570 --> 00:09:50,561
Plastic-coated? I'll certainly have it looked into.

149
00:09:51,168 --> 00:09:57,119
He says you insist on ordering all pens,
pencils, paperclips and so on centrally,

150
00:09:57,289 --> 00:10:00,485
then distributing them against
departmental requisitions.

151
00:10:00,646 --> 00:10:04,643
That seems to be quite sensible.
Savings through bulk purchase.

152
00:10:04,807 --> 00:10:09,007
He demonstrates that this is
four times more expensive

153
00:10:09,168 --> 00:10:14,039
than if officers bought what
they want on the High Street.

154
00:10:14,210 --> 00:10:16,201
Very interesting.

155
00:10:16,969 --> 00:10:20,563
If so, we'll change the system.
We're not a rigid bureaucracy.

156
00:10:20,728 --> 00:10:25,757
He said he proposed this change
when he was in your department,

157
00:10:25,927 --> 00:10:30,844
and it was turned down as people
were used to the existing procedure.

158
00:10:31,009 --> 00:10:36,003
- How's that for rigid bureaucracy?
- I'll have it looked into.

159
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:39,481
- "Looked into"?
- Yes!

160
00:10:39,646 --> 00:10:42,960
You said in your Washington
speech last week

161
00:10:43,128 --> 00:10:49,000
that you conducted a war on waste
and could teach the world a lesson.

162
00:10:49,168 --> 00:10:54,195
How do you reconcile that with
spending £75,000 on a roof garden

163
00:10:54,369 --> 00:10:58,360
on top of the supplementary
benefits office in Kettering?

164
00:10:59,807 --> 00:11:01,128
I'm... I'll...

165
00:11:01,289 --> 00:11:04,963
- Have it looked into?
- Yes! Yes, I will!

166
00:11:05,128 --> 00:11:10,250
The DAA's Permanent Secretary
is due to appear next week.

167
00:11:10,409 --> 00:11:13,844
Isn't he the appropriate person
to answer the questions?

168
00:11:14,009 --> 00:11:18,606
Thank you. See that Sir Humphrey's notified.

169
00:11:18,768 --> 00:11:22,204
Perhaps you might let him see the allegations?

170
00:11:22,369 --> 00:11:26,485
"Allegations of Government waste"?
"Big questions to answer"?

171
00:11:26,646 --> 00:11:30,527
- You've put me in a difficult position!
- What about me?!

172
00:11:30,688 --> 00:11:36,047
The PM's demanding economies,
and we've been wasting all this money!

173
00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:39,485
No one's been saving anything,
you should know that!

174
00:11:40,048 --> 00:11:42,356
They look as though they have.

175
00:11:42,530 --> 00:11:45,485
- Couldn't you have stalled?
- Stalled?

176
00:11:45,646 --> 00:11:48,244
Blurred things a bit.

177
00:11:48,409 --> 00:11:51,128
- You're good at blurring the issue.
- What?

178
00:11:51,289 --> 00:11:54,360
You have a considerable talent
for making things unintelligible.

179
00:11:54,530 --> 00:11:58,762
- I beg your pardon!
- I mean that as a compliment.

180
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:03,320
Blurring the issue is one
of the basic ministerial skills.

181
00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:04,807
And the others?

182
00:12:04,969 --> 00:12:07,277
Delaying decisions, dodging questions,

183
00:12:07,449 --> 00:12:11,155
juggling figures, bending facts
and concealing errors.

184
00:12:11,329 --> 00:12:13,521
What was I to do?

185
00:12:13,688 --> 00:12:17,125
Make it look like you'd do
something and do nothing.

186
00:12:17,289 --> 00:12:19,119
Like you usually do.

187
00:12:20,168 --> 00:12:23,525
- But if these revelations are true...
- Exactly, Minister, "if".

188
00:12:23,688 --> 00:12:26,204
You could have discussed truth.

189
00:12:26,369 --> 00:12:29,442
The committee isn't interested in truth.

190
00:12:29,610 --> 00:12:32,076
They're all MPs!

191
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:38,125
- What about a security matter?
- HB pencils a security matter?!

192
00:12:39,088 --> 00:12:41,159
Depends what you write with them!

193
00:12:41,329 --> 00:12:44,402
Why build roof gardens on top of offices?

194
00:12:44,570 --> 00:12:48,277
We took over the office design
from an American company,

195
00:12:48,449 --> 00:12:53,125
and it happens that nobody noticed
the roof gardens on the plan.

196
00:12:53,289 --> 00:12:54,606
God!

197
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:58,682
It's a tiny mistake anyone could make.

198
00:12:58,847 --> 00:13:02,967
Tiny mistake, £75,000? Give me
an example of a big mistake?

199
00:13:03,128 --> 00:13:05,927
Letting people find out about it!

200
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:09,960
Why are we heating sheds full of wire?

201
00:13:10,128 --> 00:13:13,119
- You want the truth?
- If it's no trouble.

202
00:13:13,289 --> 00:13:17,076
The staff are using the sheds
for growing mushrooms.

203
00:13:18,168 --> 00:13:19,485
Stop them!

204
00:13:20,168 --> 00:13:23,047
They've been doing it since 1945.

205
00:13:23,210 --> 00:13:26,201
It's the only perk in an extremely boring job.

206
00:13:26,369 --> 00:13:29,521
What about Rhodes's proposals for stationery?

207
00:13:29,688 --> 00:13:34,603
He was a trouble-maker and crank,
unhealthily obsessed with efficiency.

208
00:13:34,768 --> 00:13:37,967
Why didn't we adopt his proposals
and save millions?

209
00:13:38,128 --> 00:13:41,884
- Yes, but a lot of work to implement.
- So?

210
00:13:42,048 --> 00:13:44,768
- Taking on more staff.
- Humphrey!

211
00:13:44,927 --> 00:13:47,360
- Disprove it.
- I can't, obviously.

212
00:13:47,530 --> 00:13:49,597
- Exactly!
- Making it up?

213
00:13:49,768 --> 00:13:51,918
- Of course.
- Why?

214
00:13:52,088 --> 00:13:56,481
As an example of how to handle
a select committee.

215
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:02,365
Sir Humphrey, let's get down to details.

216
00:14:02,530 --> 00:14:05,679
- This heated aircraft hangar.
- Indeed.

217
00:14:05,847 --> 00:14:11,527
I do understand your concern,
but it gets frightfully cold in Herefordshire.

218
00:14:11,688 --> 00:14:15,079
- Even civil servants...
- We aren't talking about civil servants.

219
00:14:15,250 --> 00:14:19,637
We're talking coils of wire
plastic-coated to keep them warm!

220
00:14:20,530 --> 00:14:23,679
- Staff are in and out all the time.
- Why?

221
00:14:23,847 --> 00:14:28,923
Taking deliveries, making
withdrawals, checking records,

222
00:14:29,088 --> 00:14:30,807
fire inspections...

223
00:14:30,969 --> 00:14:35,963
- They can wear gloves, can't they?
- But it's a staff welfare policy.

224
00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:40,728
I suggest this policy is costing
the taxpayer millions!

225
00:14:42,768 --> 00:14:44,679
Nothing to say?

226
00:14:44,847 --> 00:14:47,000
I can't comment on Government policy.

227
00:14:47,168 --> 00:14:52,878
- But you advise the Minister.
- I can't disclose how I advise him.

228
00:14:53,048 --> 00:14:59,000
- The Minister's responsible for policy.
- All right. We'll ask the Minister.

229
00:14:59,847 --> 00:15:02,317
What about stationery savings?

230
00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:08,686
It would've meant considerable
Government patronage on junior staff.

231
00:15:08,847 --> 00:15:10,838
"Considerable Government patronage"?

232
00:15:11,009 --> 00:15:13,762
Buying a packet of paperclips?

233
00:15:13,927 --> 00:15:20,402
It's Government policy to exercise
strict control over who can spend its money.

234
00:15:20,570 --> 00:15:24,449
It's common sense to let
people buy their own paperclips.

235
00:15:24,610 --> 00:15:28,603
Government policy is nothing
to do with common sense.

236
00:15:31,646 --> 00:15:35,324
Don't you think it's time
the policy was changed?

237
00:15:35,489 --> 00:15:36,842
Well, Sir Humphrey?

238
00:15:37,009 --> 00:15:40,320
I can't comment on Government policy.
Ask the Minister.

239
00:15:40,489 --> 00:15:42,878
The Minister advises us to ask you.

240
00:15:43,048 --> 00:15:45,686
I'm advising you to ask the Minister.

241
00:15:45,847 --> 00:15:49,445
- When does this end?
- As soon as you like.

242
00:15:50,289 --> 00:15:52,563
Let's come to the roof garden.

243
00:15:52,728 --> 00:15:54,719
Yes, with pleasure.

244
00:15:56,128 --> 00:16:02,079
This was part of a wide variety
of roof insulation schemes,

245
00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:06,527
which the Government was testing
in the interest of fuel economy.

246
00:16:06,688 --> 00:16:09,250
But £75,000!

247
00:16:09,409 --> 00:16:13,960
It was thought the sale of vegetable
produce might offset the cost.

248
00:16:14,128 --> 00:16:15,722
And did it?

249
00:16:15,887 --> 00:16:19,360
- No.
- Then why not abandon the garden?

250
00:16:19,530 --> 00:16:24,000
It's there now, insulating the roof,
and we aren't building any more.

251
00:16:24,768 --> 00:16:27,485
But you've wasted £75,000!

252
00:16:27,646 --> 00:16:30,923
All proposals were tested for fuel saving.

253
00:16:31,409 --> 00:16:36,481
At this fantastic waste of taxpayers' money?
You agree it was wasted?

254
00:16:36,646 --> 00:16:39,923
I can't comment on Government policy.
Ask the Minister.

255
00:16:40,088 --> 00:16:45,445
Look, whatever we ask the Minister,
he says is a question for you.

256
00:16:45,610 --> 00:16:49,682
Whatever we ask you,
you say is a question for the Minister!

257
00:16:49,847 --> 00:16:55,844
- How do we find out what's going on?
- Yes, I see there is a dilemma here.

258
00:16:56,009 --> 00:17:00,686
While the Government regards policy
as the responsibility of Ministers

259
00:17:00,847 --> 00:17:03,842
and administration
as the responsibility of officials,

260
00:17:04,009 --> 00:17:06,682
questions of administrative policy
cause confusion

261
00:17:06,847 --> 00:17:11,682
between the policy of administration
and the administration of policy,

262
00:17:11,847 --> 00:17:16,204
especially when responsibility
for the policy of administration

263
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:21,079
conflicts with responsibility for
the policy of administration of policy.

264
00:17:25,009 --> 00:17:28,161
That's a load of meaningless drivel.

265
00:17:28,329 --> 00:17:30,047
Isn't it?

266
00:17:30,927 --> 00:17:35,128
I can't comment on Government policy.
You must ask the Minister.

267
00:17:35,646 --> 00:17:38,606
- A great help!
- I did my best.

268
00:17:38,768 --> 00:17:43,682
Best for yourself, perhaps!
But your answers solved nothing.

269
00:17:43,847 --> 00:17:48,762
We'll both be there, getting the third
degree from that committee.

270
00:17:48,927 --> 00:17:51,762
We've got to have the same answers!

271
00:17:51,927 --> 00:17:55,161
- Let's establish our position.
- What are the facts?

272
00:17:55,329 --> 00:17:57,923
The facts are neither here nor there!

273
00:17:58,969 --> 00:18:00,369
I see. What's our position?

274
00:18:00,530 --> 00:18:07,445
We choose one of the five standard
excuses to deal with each allegation.

275
00:18:07,610 --> 00:18:10,076
Five standard excuses?

276
00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:14,527
First, the excuse we used
in the Anthony Blunt case:

277
00:18:14,688 --> 00:18:17,521
"There's an explanation for everything,

278
00:18:17,688 --> 00:18:20,681
"but security forbids its disclosure."

279
00:18:21,530 --> 00:18:24,679
Second, the excuse we used
for comprehensive schools:

280
00:18:24,847 --> 00:18:30,048
"Because of budget cuts, supervisory
resources went beyond their limits."

281
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:33,759
- That's not true, is it?
- But it's a good excuse.

282
00:18:33,927 --> 00:18:36,043
Then there's the excuse for Concorde:

283
00:18:36,210 --> 00:18:38,563
"A worthwhile experiment, now abandoned,

284
00:18:38,728 --> 00:18:43,563
"but not before it had provided
much valuable data and employment."

285
00:18:43,728 --> 00:18:46,686
But that is true, isn't it?

286
00:18:46,847 --> 00:18:48,963
Oh, no, of course it isn't.

287
00:18:49,646 --> 00:18:53,606
Four, there's the excuse
for the Munich Agreement:

288
00:18:53,768 --> 00:18:58,240
"It occurred before important facts
were known and couldn't re-occur."

289
00:18:58,409 --> 00:19:00,047
What important facts?

290
00:19:00,210 --> 00:19:03,518
That Hitler wanted to conquer Europe.

291
00:19:04,048 --> 00:19:07,927
- I thought everybody knew that!
- Not the Foreign Office.

292
00:19:08,969 --> 00:19:10,960
- Five?
- Five...

293
00:19:11,128 --> 00:19:13,722
The Charge of the Light Brigade excuse:

294
00:19:13,887 --> 00:19:16,164
"An unfortunate lapse by an individual,

295
00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:20,083
"dealt with under internal
disciplinary procedures."

296
00:19:21,009 --> 00:19:24,521
- That covers everything?
- Just about, so far.

297
00:19:25,048 --> 00:19:27,610
- Even wars?
- Small wars.

298
00:19:29,009 --> 00:19:34,402
- It's real teamwork from now on.
- United we stand, divided we fall!

299
00:19:34,570 --> 00:19:36,923
Minister, you're due at the House.

300
00:19:37,088 --> 00:19:42,445
The PM's adviser wants you to pop in
for a drink. Sir Mark Spencer.

301
00:19:43,329 --> 00:19:45,365
- Mark Spencer?
- I suggested 5.30?

302
00:19:45,530 --> 00:19:48,838
Fine, yes. Oh, dear. I knew there'd be trouble.

303
00:19:49,009 --> 00:19:53,161
The PM wants to know why
our replies have been so feeble.

304
00:19:53,329 --> 00:19:55,844
Perhaps it's just for a drink.

305
00:19:56,009 --> 00:19:59,922
They don't ask you for a drink
just because you're thirsty!

306
00:20:00,409 --> 00:20:05,085
I'll meet you back here at 6.30,
and we'll cook up a story.

307
00:20:05,927 --> 00:20:09,922
- Agree our position, Minister.
- That's what I said.

308
00:20:34,530 --> 00:20:36,201
(KNOCK AT DOOR)

309
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:38,405
Come in!

310
00:20:39,646 --> 00:20:41,365
Hello, Jim.

311
00:20:41,530 --> 00:20:43,722
- Scotch?
- Thanks.

312
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:47,280
- How are things going?
- Fine.

313
00:20:47,449 --> 00:20:52,239
That select committee was a shock,
throwing the book at us,

314
00:20:52,409 --> 00:20:57,324
but everything's under control
and Humphrey and I can explain it.

315
00:20:57,489 --> 00:20:59,286
The PM shouldn't worry.

316
00:20:59,449 --> 00:21:04,442
I'd like to know where Malcolm Rhodes
got all his information.

317
00:21:04,610 --> 00:21:08,842
And who gave the proofs to Betty Oldham?
The PM must be livid.

318
00:21:09,009 --> 00:21:11,159
It's no fault of mine.

319
00:21:11,329 --> 00:21:15,003
- Why do you think the PM's livid?
- Surely...?

320
00:21:15,168 --> 00:21:19,240
Let's look at the situation logically.
Sit down.

321
00:21:19,409 --> 00:21:21,400
Yes. Of course.

322
00:21:21,570 --> 00:21:24,036
Let me ask you some questions.

323
00:21:24,728 --> 00:21:28,561
What is the PM trying to achieve
in public expenditure?

324
00:21:28,728 --> 00:21:32,244
- Cuts, obviously.
- Why so little success?

325
00:21:32,409 --> 00:21:37,402
- Obstruction from the civil service?
- Are all the Cabinet committed to it?

326
00:21:37,570 --> 00:21:42,597
- I think so. I certainly am.
- But no Minister's made any cuts.

327
00:21:44,369 --> 00:21:47,601
- Rome wasn't built in a day.
- No.

328
00:21:47,768 --> 00:21:50,842
It's because all the Ministers have gone native.

329
00:21:51,009 --> 00:21:54,478
- Surely...?
- The civil service has trained them!

330
00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:57,847
Well, maybe true... Certainly not of me!

331
00:21:58,009 --> 00:22:01,719
If a Minister were really trying to cut expenditure,

332
00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:06,360
how would he react to a book
exposing Government waste?

333
00:22:06,530 --> 00:22:08,597
- I should think he'd...
- Mmm?

334
00:22:10,210 --> 00:22:12,768
It would depend...

335
00:22:13,646 --> 00:22:15,798
What are you trying to say?

336
00:22:15,969 --> 00:22:20,565
Know what the civil service say?
You're a pleasure to work with.

337
00:22:20,728 --> 00:22:22,048
Oh!

338
00:22:23,530 --> 00:22:25,164
Oh...

339
00:22:25,329 --> 00:22:28,878
That's what Barbara Woodhouse
says about her spaniels.

340
00:22:30,530 --> 00:22:33,726
Sir Humphrey said
you're worth your weight in gold.

341
00:22:33,887 --> 00:22:36,244
What does that suggest to you?

342
00:22:36,409 --> 00:22:39,208
That I've failed utterly?

343
00:22:39,369 --> 00:22:42,884
You look as if you need another Scotch.

344
00:22:43,048 --> 00:22:48,567
The PM isn't pleased with my performance
at the committee.

345
00:22:48,728 --> 00:22:52,802
- I failed to cover up the failure.
- On the contrary.

346
00:22:52,969 --> 00:22:56,244
because you're covering up too well.

347
00:22:56,409 --> 00:23:00,289
Don't you see? You're protecting the civil service.

348
00:23:00,449 --> 00:23:03,244
The PM and I are doing our best

349
00:23:03,409 --> 00:23:08,085
to expose why cuts in expenditure
are not taking place.

350
00:23:08,250 --> 00:23:12,445
And you are helping the civil service
to defy the Government.

351
00:23:12,610 --> 00:23:14,918
Am I?

352
00:23:15,088 --> 00:23:18,079
You were wondering where
Betty Oldham got the proofs

353
00:23:18,250 --> 00:23:22,240
and where Malcolm Rhodes
got that inside information.

354
00:23:22,409 --> 00:23:24,400
Can't you guess?

355
00:23:25,168 --> 00:23:27,807
(WHISPERS) You mean... the PM?

356
00:23:27,969 --> 00:23:30,244
Of course not!

357
00:23:32,128 --> 00:23:33,449
Not directly.

358
00:23:35,048 --> 00:23:37,802
(WHISPERS) You mean... you?

359
00:23:39,688 --> 00:23:42,838
What am I to do at the select committee?

360
00:23:43,009 --> 00:23:47,003
There's only one course
open to you. Absolute loyalty.

361
00:23:49,289 --> 00:23:51,563
Who to?

362
00:23:53,250 --> 00:23:55,717
That's your decision.

363
00:23:58,530 --> 00:24:03,159
It was an error that occurred
before important facts were known.

364
00:24:03,329 --> 00:24:07,766
I assure you it is an oversight
that couldn't possibly happen again.

365
00:24:07,927 --> 00:24:11,521
- Wouldn't you agree, Minister?
- Perfectly correct.

366
00:24:11,688 --> 00:24:14,963
The correct official reply.

367
00:24:15,128 --> 00:24:20,155
But I've been thinking very deeply
over the last few days,

368
00:24:20,329 --> 00:24:24,686
and there's no doubt that
this committee is on to something.

369
00:24:24,847 --> 00:24:27,646
Of course there's waste.

370
00:24:28,610 --> 00:24:31,884
And excuses can always
be found in individual cases.

371
00:24:32,048 --> 00:24:35,244
But you have convinced me
our approach is wrong.

372
00:24:35,409 --> 00:24:40,164
Ministers and their civil servants
so often cover up and defend

373
00:24:40,329 --> 00:24:43,402
where they should seek out and destroy.

374
00:24:47,768 --> 00:24:51,445
I've spoken to Mr Rhodes,
author of this invaluable book,

375
00:24:51,610 --> 00:24:54,405
and he'll head an independent enquiry

376
00:24:54,570 --> 00:24:58,960
into the field of administration,
starting with my department.

377
00:24:59,128 --> 00:25:02,485
And how does Sir Humphrey react to this?

378
00:25:03,570 --> 00:25:07,119
Sir Humphrey is in complete agreement with me.

379
00:25:07,289 --> 00:25:12,280
We work as a team. I must say,
he's a pleasure to work with.

380
00:25:13,489 --> 00:25:16,719
But this account of what's been going on

381
00:25:16,887 --> 00:25:21,838
doesn't square with your Washington
speech about a war on waste.

382
00:25:22,009 --> 00:25:26,445
Well, I'm an old-fashioned sort of chap, Betty,

383
00:25:27,570 --> 00:25:30,365
and I believe in a thing called loyalty.

384
00:25:30,530 --> 00:25:36,478
Whatever you say in private
you defend in public, eh, Humphrey?

385
00:25:36,646 --> 00:25:39,798
In that case, aren't you being disloyal now?

386
00:25:41,168 --> 00:25:44,525
No. I believe a Minister has a higher loyalty.

387
00:25:44,688 --> 00:25:47,360
A loyalty to Parliament and the nation.

388
00:25:48,048 --> 00:25:51,563
And that loyalty must be paramount,

389
00:25:51,728 --> 00:25:54,324
however hard and painful that may be.

390
00:25:54,489 --> 00:25:58,003
Of course, one is loyal
to one's department and officials,

391
00:25:58,168 --> 00:26:02,719
until the evidence is overwhelming,
but I must say in public,

392
00:26:02,887 --> 00:26:05,960
that reforms can and will take place,

393
00:26:06,128 --> 00:26:11,329
and I know I shall find
in Sir Humphrey my staunchest ally.

394
00:26:11,489 --> 00:26:13,719
Isn't that so, Humphrey?

395
00:26:13,887 --> 00:26:15,798
(CROAKS) Yes, Minister.

396
00:26:15,969 --> 00:26:18,199
Yes, Minister.

397
00:26:18,369 --> 00:26:21,119
- A big help!
- I did my best.

398
00:26:21,289 --> 00:26:25,168
The best for yourself! This is
your idea of teamwork? Amusing!

399
00:26:25,329 --> 00:26:28,561
- I had to do it.
- Had to do what?

400
00:26:28,728 --> 00:26:31,369
Cravenly admit everything to them?

401
00:26:31,530 --> 00:26:34,601
Don't you realise how calamitous this is for us?

402
00:26:34,768 --> 00:26:38,317
- Not both of us, I hope.
- You hope in vain.

403
00:26:38,489 --> 00:26:41,960
We're up in arms,
with very little confidence in you.

404
00:26:42,128 --> 00:26:45,164
As for Number 10, I shudder to think

405
00:26:45,329 --> 00:26:49,164
how the PM will react
to your public admission of failure.

406
00:26:49,329 --> 00:26:52,402
A personal letter from the Prime Minister.

407
00:26:54,610 --> 00:26:57,204
I did warn you, Minister.

408
00:26:57,369 --> 00:27:00,088
Bernard, you should give some thought

409
00:27:00,250 --> 00:27:04,686
to drafting a face-saving letter
of resignation for the Minister.

410
00:27:06,570 --> 00:27:08,762
"Dear Jim..."

411
00:27:08,927 --> 00:27:10,963
"Dear Jim"?

412
00:27:12,329 --> 00:27:15,637
"We haven't seen enough of each other lately.

413
00:27:15,807 --> 00:27:18,960
"Are you free for lunch at Chequers on Sunday?

414
00:27:19,128 --> 00:27:24,204
"We shall just be the family.
I look forward to seeing you."

415
00:27:24,887 --> 00:27:27,527
I don't think I...?

416
00:27:28,409 --> 00:27:30,445
It has paid off!

417
00:27:31,409 --> 00:27:34,686
A conspiracy! That drink with Mark Spencer!

418
00:27:34,847 --> 00:27:37,807
"...not seen enough... Lunch at Chequers..."

419
00:27:37,969 --> 00:27:42,280
It's hand-written!
Do you realise how much it's worth?

420
00:27:42,449 --> 00:27:45,838
I believe the going rate is thirty pieces of silver!

421
00:27:46,847 --> 00:27:51,047
No, Humphrey. Loyalty and integrity
have received their just rewards.

422
00:27:51,210 --> 00:27:53,003
Loyalty?!

423
00:27:53,168 --> 00:27:58,085
I have backed you up the same way
you have always backed me up.

424
00:27:58,250 --> 00:28:00,000
Isn't that so?

425
00:28:01,250 --> 00:28:03,807
Sorry? Did you say something?

426
00:28:04,887 --> 00:28:07,356
I think he said, "Yes, Minister."

427
00:28:09,887 --> 00:28:19,321
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