1 00:00:42,308 --> 00:00:46,095 The main news this Thursday pm is the big government re-shuffle. 2 00:00:46,268 --> 00:00:49,259 I have with me, to discuss his new empire, 3 00:00:49,428 --> 00:00:53,818 the Minister for Administrative Affairs, the Right Honourable James Hacker. 4 00:00:53,988 --> 00:00:58,937 It's been said that you are now Mr Town Hall as well as Mr Whitehall. 5 00:00:59,107 --> 00:01:02,418 Well, it's very flattering of you to put it that way. 6 00:01:02,588 --> 00:01:06,581 It wasn't me who put it that way, it was the Daily Mirror. 7 00:01:07,587 --> 00:01:11,900 I just wanted to confirm that you are now this country's chief bureaucrat. 8 00:01:12,068 --> 00:01:16,220 That's nonsense. This government believes in reducing bureaucracy. 9 00:01:16,388 --> 00:01:21,382 Figures I have here say that your department's staff has risen by 10%. 10 00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,777 - Certainly not. - What figure do you have? 11 00:01:23,949 --> 00:01:28,227 I believe the figure is much more like 9.97. 12 00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:32,860 Well, it has been suggested that your department is less interested 13 00:01:33,027 --> 00:01:35,700 in reducing bureaucracy than in increasing it. 14 00:01:35,869 --> 00:01:42,468 Well, yes, but that's because we've had to take on more staff in order to reduce staff. 15 00:01:43,188 --> 00:01:45,577 - I beg your pardon? - It's common sense. 16 00:01:45,748 --> 00:01:50,742 We need more doctors to cure more patients, more firemen to extinguish more fires. 17 00:01:50,908 --> 00:01:53,866 How will you extinguish local government bureaucracy? 18 00:01:54,027 --> 00:01:56,257 It's a challenge I'm looking forward to. 19 00:01:56,429 --> 00:02:00,819 Would you agree there's even more bureaucratic waste there than in Whitehall? 20 00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:05,379 - Yes, that's what makes it a challenge. - How will you meet the challenge? 21 00:02:05,548 --> 00:02:10,667 It's far too early to give detailed proposals. I've just come here direct from Number 10. 22 00:02:10,827 --> 00:02:13,820 From number 9.97, perhaps! 23 00:02:15,786 --> 00:02:21,498 The broad strategy is to cut ruthlessly at waste while leaving essential services intact. 24 00:02:21,667 --> 00:02:25,217 That's what your predecessor said. Did he fail? 25 00:02:25,387 --> 00:02:31,462 Let me finish. Because we must be absolutely clear and I'm going to be quite frank with you. 26 00:02:33,227 --> 00:02:38,017 The fact is that, at the end of the day, it is the right, the duty, 27 00:02:38,188 --> 00:02:41,179 of the elected government in the House of Commons 28 00:02:41,346 --> 00:02:45,340 to ensure government policy, the policies on which we were elected 29 00:02:45,506 --> 00:02:50,102 and for which we have a mandate, the policies for which the people voted, 30 00:02:50,267 --> 00:02:55,863 are the policies which, finally, when the national cake has been divided up... 31 00:02:56,027 --> 00:03:01,022 And may I remind you we, as a nation, don't have unlimited wealth? 32 00:03:01,188 --> 00:03:03,940 We can't pay ourselves more than we earn. 33 00:03:04,106 --> 00:03:06,303 ...are the policies... 34 00:03:09,747 --> 00:03:13,137 I'm sorry, what was the question again? 35 00:03:13,307 --> 00:03:18,620 I was just asking you whether you would agree that your predecessor had failed. 36 00:03:18,786 --> 00:03:21,255 Certainly not. On the contrary. 37 00:03:21,428 --> 00:03:24,577 It's just that this job is an enormous... 38 00:03:25,267 --> 00:03:27,257 - Challenge? - Exactly! 39 00:03:30,387 --> 00:03:35,381 Incidentally, I heard your chap on the radio yesterday, Humpy. 40 00:03:35,547 --> 00:03:37,379 - Mm? - Mm. 41 00:03:38,428 --> 00:03:43,375 He sounded as if he wanted to DO things about your new local government remit. 42 00:03:43,547 --> 00:03:45,981 He kept calling it a challenge. 43 00:03:46,148 --> 00:03:47,945 - Congratulations. - Very kind. 44 00:03:48,106 --> 00:03:51,018 You may soon be even more important than Arnold! 45 00:03:51,188 --> 00:03:57,296 - Yes, I expect... Er, no, no, no, no, no. - I do want to be quite clear about this. 46 00:03:57,468 --> 00:04:02,064 I'd never have given you local government if I'd thought you'd let Hacker do anything. 47 00:04:02,227 --> 00:04:06,778 - He won't be able to. Nobody else has. - That's not the point, Humpy. 48 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:11,338 We've found in the past that all local government reforms rebound on us. 49 00:04:11,506 --> 00:04:15,785 When anybody finds a way of saving money or cutting staff in local government, 50 00:04:15,947 --> 00:04:18,064 it works for Whitehall just as well. 51 00:04:18,228 --> 00:04:23,540 Yes, but local government is extravagant, overstaffed, incompetent, whereas we... 52 00:04:25,867 --> 00:04:29,461 - Exactly so. - I know my duty, Arnold. 53 00:04:30,346 --> 00:04:34,341 If he needs something to keep him busy, you know what to do? 54 00:04:34,506 --> 00:04:36,896 Get him to look into civil defence. 55 00:04:39,266 --> 00:04:41,987 - Civil defence? You mean fallout shelters? - Yes. 56 00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:46,345 Governments long ago decided civil defence was not a serious issue. 57 00:04:46,506 --> 00:04:48,304 Merely a desperate one! 58 00:04:49,867 --> 00:04:53,622 It's best left to those whose incompetence can be relied upon. 59 00:04:53,786 --> 00:04:55,778 Local authorities! 60 00:04:57,468 --> 00:05:01,256 But the highest duty of government is to protect its citizens. 61 00:05:01,427 --> 00:05:05,216 Presumably that's why they leave it to the borough councils! 62 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,381 Thank you, gentlemen. 63 00:05:14,547 --> 00:05:20,338 Can I have a word about a proposal I worked out before we were transferred to this department? 64 00:05:20,506 --> 00:05:23,862 - And you are? - I am... what? 65 00:05:24,667 --> 00:05:28,137 - Yes, you are what? - What? 66 00:05:29,706 --> 00:05:33,143 - What? - I am Dr Cartwright. 67 00:05:33,307 --> 00:05:36,538 If I may put it another way, what are you? 68 00:05:39,026 --> 00:05:41,018 I'm C of E. 69 00:05:42,307 --> 00:05:46,300 The Minister means, what function do you perform in the department? 70 00:05:46,468 --> 00:05:50,665 - Don't you know? - Yes, I know, but the Minister wants to know. 71 00:05:50,828 --> 00:05:55,423 I'm a professional economist. Director of Local Administration Statistics. 72 00:05:55,586 --> 00:05:58,785 You ran the Local Authority Directorate before we took over. 73 00:05:58,947 --> 00:06:02,144 Dear me, no. Sir Gordon Reid was the Permanent Secretary. 74 00:06:02,307 --> 00:06:06,506 I'm just Under-Secretary rank. I fear I shall rise no higher. 75 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:09,660 - Why not? - Alas, I'm an expert. 76 00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:14,261 - On what? - On the whole thing. 77 00:06:14,427 --> 00:06:17,463 - It's all in here. - What's this all about? 78 00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,901 Controlling council expenditure. 79 00:06:20,066 --> 00:06:24,059 I'm proposing that all council officials responsible for a new project 80 00:06:24,226 --> 00:06:27,423 list their criteria for failure before getting the go-ahead. 81 00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:33,381 - What do you mean? - It's a basic scientific approach. 82 00:06:33,547 --> 00:06:38,336 You must establish a method of measuring the success or failure of an experiment. 83 00:06:38,506 --> 00:06:41,863 When it's completed, you know if it's succeeded or failed. 84 00:06:43,706 --> 00:06:47,701 A proposer states "This scheme would fail if it lasts longer than this 85 00:06:47,867 --> 00:06:51,860 "or costs more than that, if it employs more staff than these 86 00:06:52,026 --> 00:06:54,417 "or fails to meet pre-set standards." 87 00:06:54,586 --> 00:06:59,785 - Fantastic! You could never make it work. - 'Course you can. It's all in there. 88 00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:04,576 This is my top priority reading. Why hasn't it been done before? 89 00:07:04,747 --> 00:07:09,740 I can't understand. I put it up several times and it was always welcomed most warmly. 90 00:07:09,908 --> 00:07:16,095 - But there was always something more urgent on. - Well, you've come to the right place this time. 91 00:07:16,268 --> 00:07:18,259 Thank you, Minister. 92 00:07:23,627 --> 00:07:26,983 This is marvellous, isn't it, Bernard? 93 00:07:28,506 --> 00:07:30,497 Isn't it, Bernard? 94 00:07:31,348 --> 00:07:36,898 Oh, yes. Well, it's... er... That is, it's... um... very well presented. 95 00:07:37,066 --> 00:07:40,105 - Humphrey will be fascinated. - He's on his way here. 96 00:07:40,268 --> 00:07:43,179 - He'll give his views. - What are you saying? 97 00:07:43,908 --> 00:07:48,901 Yes, well, as I say, I think that he'll think that it's beautifully... typed. 98 00:07:50,867 --> 00:07:54,655 - Ah, Minister. - Ah, Humphrey, come in. 99 00:07:54,828 --> 00:07:56,545 - Sit down. - Thank you, Minister. 100 00:07:57,146 --> 00:08:00,742 Now, local authorities. What are we going to do? 101 00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:06,143 Minister, this new remit gives you more influence, more Cabinet seniority. 102 00:08:06,307 --> 00:08:11,098 But do not let it give you any more work or worry. That would be foolishness. 103 00:08:11,268 --> 00:08:15,226 We've got to stop this appalling waste and extravagance. 104 00:08:15,908 --> 00:08:17,704 Why? 105 00:08:17,867 --> 00:08:20,256 - Why? - Yes, why? 106 00:08:20,427 --> 00:08:24,819 Well, it's my job. We're the government. We were elected to govern. 107 00:08:24,987 --> 00:08:26,978 Oh, really, Minister. 108 00:08:28,427 --> 00:08:34,583 Surely you won't tamper with the democratic rights of freely-elected local representatives? 109 00:08:35,588 --> 00:08:38,580 Well... no, of course not. 110 00:08:38,748 --> 00:08:42,742 But local government isn't democratic. Local democracy's a farce! 111 00:08:42,908 --> 00:08:48,107 Most people don't know who their councillor is. They never vote in a local election. 112 00:08:48,268 --> 00:08:52,261 Those who do regard it as a popularity poll for the government here. 113 00:08:52,429 --> 00:08:55,147 Local councillors are accountable to nobody. 114 00:08:55,309 --> 00:08:59,699 They're public-spirited citizens selflessly sacrificing their spare time. 115 00:08:59,868 --> 00:09:02,701 - Ever met any? - When there was no alternative. 116 00:09:03,949 --> 00:09:09,341 They're either busybodies on an ego trip or in it for what they can get out of it. 117 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:12,944 Perhaps they ought to be in the House of Commons. 118 00:09:13,107 --> 00:09:16,862 Er, I mean, to see how a proper legislative assembly behaves. 119 00:09:18,068 --> 00:09:23,141 - I'm going to get a grip on them. I have a plan. - You have a plan? 120 00:09:24,588 --> 00:09:25,906 Yes. 121 00:09:26,068 --> 00:09:31,062 I'm going to insist that any local official who puts up a plan costing more than... 122 00:09:31,227 --> 00:09:35,824 ...say... £10,000 must accompany it with failure standards. 123 00:09:36,507 --> 00:09:40,580 - With what?! - With a statement saying he will have failed 124 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:44,742 if his project does not achieve certain... pre-set results... 125 00:09:45,748 --> 00:09:50,902 ...or exceeds... fixed time or staff or budget limits. 126 00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:55,266 Where did you get the idea for this dangerous nonsense? 127 00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:57,545 From someone... in the department. 128 00:09:57,708 --> 00:10:03,545 I have warned you before about the danger of speaking to people in the department! 129 00:10:03,708 --> 00:10:08,987 I implore you to stay out of the minefield of local government. It is a political graveyard. 130 00:10:09,147 --> 00:10:14,141 Excuse me, Sir Humphrey, you cannot have a graveyard in a minefield 131 00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:17,105 because all the corpses would... powww! 132 00:10:20,309 --> 00:10:25,098 - You got me this job, you said. - But I didn't expect you to do anything. 133 00:10:25,268 --> 00:10:28,464 I mean, you've never done anything before! 134 00:10:28,627 --> 00:10:32,098 - Humphrey, I am deaf to your complaints. - Please, I beg you... 135 00:10:32,268 --> 00:10:36,705 No, no, no, no, Humphrey. I want specific proposals straight away. 136 00:10:36,868 --> 00:10:42,818 And immediate plans for their implementation by local government. What's the fuss about? 137 00:10:42,987 --> 00:10:47,459 I'm only proposing failure standards for local government, not Whitehall. 138 00:10:47,627 --> 00:10:52,622 - Though come to think of it... - If you insist on interfering in local government, 139 00:10:52,788 --> 00:10:56,497 may I make a suggestion that could prove a vote winner? 140 00:10:56,667 --> 00:10:59,660 Humphrey, I want to hear no more about... 141 00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:04,259 Vote winner? 142 00:11:04,429 --> 00:11:07,420 An area of local government that needs urgent attention. 143 00:11:07,588 --> 00:11:09,578 - What? - Civil defence. 144 00:11:11,908 --> 00:11:15,502 You mean fallout shelters? Surely they're just a joke. 145 00:11:15,667 --> 00:11:18,864 Precisely, Minister. At the moment, they are a joke. 146 00:11:19,027 --> 00:11:23,420 Local authorities are dragging their feet, but the highest duty of any government 147 00:11:23,588 --> 00:11:25,783 is to protect its citizens. 148 00:11:25,949 --> 00:11:29,417 Some think building shelters makes nuclear war more likely. 149 00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:32,580 If you have the weapons, you need the shelters. 150 00:11:32,748 --> 00:11:38,219 - Sometimes wonder why we need the weapons. - Minister, you're not a unilateralist? 151 00:11:38,388 --> 00:11:44,338 - Well... I sometimes wonder. - Then you must resign from the government! 152 00:11:44,507 --> 00:11:49,821 Ah, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not THAT unilateralist. 153 00:11:49,987 --> 00:11:54,824 - America will protect us from the Russians. - Who's talking about the Russians? 154 00:11:54,987 --> 00:11:59,027 - Well, the independent deterrent. - It's to protect us against the French! 155 00:12:01,748 --> 00:12:03,545 The French? 156 00:12:04,547 --> 00:12:07,460 - But that's astounding! - Why? 157 00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:11,018 - Well, they're our allies, our partners. - They are NOW. 158 00:12:11,187 --> 00:12:15,022 But they've been our enemies for most of the past 900 years. 159 00:12:15,187 --> 00:12:18,578 If they've got the bomb, we must have the bomb! 160 00:12:18,748 --> 00:12:23,663 If it's for the French, of course, that's different. Makes a lot of sense. 161 00:12:23,828 --> 00:12:27,661 - Yes. Can't trust the Frogs. - You can say that again! 162 00:12:27,828 --> 00:12:30,819 There is increasing public concern about the bomb. 163 00:12:30,987 --> 00:12:35,185 If I were to be seen to be doing something about it... I see what you mean. 164 00:12:37,788 --> 00:12:40,699 Ludovic Kennedy is preparing a BBC documentary on civil defence 165 00:12:40,868 --> 00:12:43,665 likely to be critical of the current situation. 166 00:12:43,828 --> 00:12:46,580 If you were seen to be taking decisive measures... 167 00:12:46,748 --> 00:12:48,545 Right, yes. 168 00:12:49,388 --> 00:12:52,618 I always handle Ludo so frightfully well. 169 00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:57,783 - Right, well, where do we start? - Just a suggestion. 170 00:12:57,949 --> 00:13:03,501 The London Borough of Thames Marsh spends less on civil defence than any other authority. 171 00:13:03,667 --> 00:13:06,022 Hm. A ministerial visit, do you think? 172 00:13:06,187 --> 00:13:10,977 That's Ben Stanley's borough - the one with the wispy moustache, who the press all hate. 173 00:13:11,147 --> 00:13:17,304 Good point. Get onto it straight away. Get Bill to make sure the press knows about this visit. 174 00:13:17,868 --> 00:13:24,261 Tell them I lie awake at night worrying about the defenceless citizens of Thames Marsh. 175 00:13:26,147 --> 00:13:28,138 Do you, Minister? 176 00:13:29,429 --> 00:13:31,896 Well, I will now. 177 00:13:38,708 --> 00:13:43,304 What makes you think you can come swanning down here from Whitehall 178 00:13:43,468 --> 00:13:45,857 and tell us how to run our borough? 179 00:13:46,027 --> 00:13:48,018 I'm not swanning down from Whitehall. 180 00:13:48,187 --> 00:13:51,658 I'm asking you why you've done less than any other borough 181 00:13:51,828 --> 00:13:54,022 to protect the people who elected you? 182 00:13:54,187 --> 00:13:58,420 - Simple. We can't find the money. - Why don't you try looking for it? 183 00:13:59,227 --> 00:14:03,301 Oh, that's great! Stop school meals, buy no textbooks? 184 00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:07,506 - Turn OAPs out into the cold? - I can tell you where to find it. 185 00:14:07,667 --> 00:14:09,862 - You can? - Yes. 186 00:14:10,027 --> 00:14:12,064 Tell him, Dr Cartwright. 187 00:14:14,429 --> 00:14:20,696 Scrap the plans for the new exhibition centre with the artificial ski slope and jacuzzi pool. 188 00:14:20,868 --> 00:14:22,859 Close the Feminist Drama Centre, 189 00:14:23,027 --> 00:14:27,783 the council's weekly newspaper and magazine and the Welfare Rights Research Department. 190 00:14:27,949 --> 00:14:31,497 You can halve the members' entertainments allowance, 191 00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:36,263 sell the Mayor's second Daimler, postpone the building of the new town hall, 192 00:14:36,429 --> 00:14:40,819 and cancel the 20 councillors' tourism fact-finding mission to Jamaica. 193 00:14:43,187 --> 00:14:45,576 And close the Gay Bereavement Centre. 194 00:14:49,949 --> 00:14:55,501 That'll save £21 millions on capital account and £750,000 a year on revenue account. 195 00:14:55,667 --> 00:14:57,464 Revenue account. 196 00:14:59,068 --> 00:15:01,263 - That's just stupid! - Why? 197 00:15:01,429 --> 00:15:05,580 Well, it's depriving the disadvantaged of indispensable services! 198 00:15:05,748 --> 00:15:10,980 - Jacuzzi pools? - I don't care if we can afford a shelter. 199 00:15:11,147 --> 00:15:15,460 This is a unilateralist borough. We do not believe in nuclear war. 200 00:15:15,627 --> 00:15:20,098 I don't believe in it either, but the provision of shelters is government policy. 201 00:15:20,268 --> 00:15:25,388 It is not Thames Marsh policy. Thames Marsh has no quarrel with the USSR. 202 00:15:25,547 --> 00:15:29,699 It's not just the USSR we're frightened of. It could be the Fre... 203 00:15:32,627 --> 00:15:36,415 - The who? - The... frigging Chinese! 204 00:15:40,748 --> 00:15:44,343 If the Russians do invade us, I suppose they'll say, 205 00:15:44,507 --> 00:15:49,980 "Hold on, we're not at war with Thames Marsh. Right, comrades, let's annex Chelsea instead." 206 00:15:51,147 --> 00:15:54,857 Excuse me, Minister. I think you may be interested in... 207 00:15:57,908 --> 00:16:03,379 Mr Stanley, it appears that you would not be called upon to make the supreme sacrifice. 208 00:16:03,547 --> 00:16:07,905 - What do you mean? - Is there a shelter under the town hall? 209 00:16:09,507 --> 00:16:11,225 Well, is there? 210 00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:14,107 - We didn't build it! - You maintain it. 211 00:16:15,468 --> 00:16:19,540 - It's only a small one. - And there is a place in it for you? 212 00:16:19,708 --> 00:16:25,545 I was persuaded, with deep reluctance, that my preservation was a necessity 213 00:16:25,708 --> 00:16:29,179 in the interests of the ratepayers of Thames Marsh. 214 00:16:29,348 --> 00:16:35,138 And what provision have you made for other essential persons? Doctors, nurses, firemen. 215 00:16:35,309 --> 00:16:39,097 People who might be almost as important as councillors. 216 00:16:39,268 --> 00:16:41,656 One of them's a chemist! 217 00:16:41,828 --> 00:16:45,786 Great. Nothing like aspirin for the nuclear holocaust. 218 00:16:47,748 --> 00:16:52,344 Your chap had quite a publicity triumph down at Thames Marsh, didn't he? 219 00:16:52,507 --> 00:16:56,819 - Oh, yes, tremendous. - You don't sound appropriately happy for him. 220 00:16:56,987 --> 00:17:00,980 - Trouble is he thinks he's achieved something. - Splendid. 221 00:17:01,147 --> 00:17:05,618 Life is so much easier when ministers think they've achieved something. 222 00:17:05,789 --> 00:17:08,381 Stops them fretting. No tantrums. 223 00:17:09,309 --> 00:17:12,028 Now he wants to introduce his next idea. 224 00:17:12,187 --> 00:17:16,977 A minister with two ideas. I can't remember when we last had one of those. 225 00:17:18,588 --> 00:17:20,578 Oh, it's not his own. 226 00:17:21,588 --> 00:17:26,537 He wants to introduce failure standards on all council contracts over £10,000 227 00:17:26,707 --> 00:17:29,097 and make a named official responsible. 228 00:17:29,269 --> 00:17:30,859 - Humphrey! - I know. 229 00:17:31,028 --> 00:17:34,655 Cartwright's idiot scheme! I thought Gordon had squashed it. 230 00:17:34,828 --> 00:17:41,141 He's come over to us now. Slipped the scheme to the minister privately, under plain cover! 231 00:17:41,948 --> 00:17:46,737 It'll be us next. Once you specify in advance what a project's supposed to achieve 232 00:17:46,908 --> 00:17:51,903 and whose responsibility it is to see that it does, the entire system collapses. 233 00:17:52,068 --> 00:17:55,457 You're into the squalid world of professional management. 234 00:17:55,627 --> 00:17:58,016 I know. I've tried to explain to him. 235 00:17:58,187 --> 00:18:04,662 I have pointed out that his new responsibilities were for enjoying, not exercising. I don't know. 236 00:18:04,828 --> 00:18:10,425 We move our officials round every 2 or 3 years to stop this personal responsibility nonsense. 237 00:18:10,588 --> 00:18:13,977 If this happened, we'd be posting everybody once a fortnight. 238 00:18:14,147 --> 00:18:18,539 He must be stopped. What's his next little publicity trip? 239 00:18:18,707 --> 00:18:23,146 Well, tomorrow he's living his little triumph over again. 240 00:18:23,309 --> 00:18:28,780 He's recording a TV interview with Ludovic Kennedy. A documentary on civil defence. 241 00:18:29,948 --> 00:18:35,341 Supposing he had a dossier on the curious ways in which local councillors 242 00:18:35,508 --> 00:18:38,102 spend their civil defence budgets. 243 00:18:38,269 --> 00:18:41,499 - How would that help? - I've got an idea. 244 00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:44,705 Perhaps you ought to become a minister! 245 00:18:46,948 --> 00:18:49,542 Um... just a joke, Arnold. 246 00:18:51,348 --> 00:18:54,021 Stand by, studio. We're about to record. 247 00:18:54,187 --> 00:18:59,182 A change for a minister to be given a chance to talk about something that's a success. 248 00:18:59,348 --> 00:19:03,386 Most unusual for the BBC. Is this a change of policy? 249 00:19:03,548 --> 00:19:05,425 ...2... 1. 250 00:19:05,588 --> 00:19:09,787 You've been claiming recently that in your dealings with local authority, 251 00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:13,098 you've been making progress as regards civil defence. 252 00:19:13,269 --> 00:19:17,386 Surely this has been more in the field of publicity than any achievement? 253 00:19:17,548 --> 00:19:19,743 No, no, no, no, Ludo. 254 00:19:19,908 --> 00:19:23,457 Authorities are being made to face up to these issues 255 00:19:23,627 --> 00:19:26,381 because of the interest we have generated. 256 00:19:26,548 --> 00:19:30,256 You're agreeing. Your success has been a publicity success. 257 00:19:30,428 --> 00:19:33,182 Well, yes, but things are changing. 258 00:19:33,348 --> 00:19:37,626 - Well, what about Thames Marsh? - Ah, Thames Marsh. Good example. 259 00:19:37,789 --> 00:19:40,745 As I said in the press, they have one shelter. 260 00:19:40,908 --> 00:19:44,263 A place in it is reserved for Ben Stanley, council leader, 261 00:19:44,428 --> 00:19:47,100 who refuses to build shelters for others. 262 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,260 Don't you think that's hypocritical? 263 00:19:49,428 --> 00:19:55,617 Surely it's reasonable to expect that one of our elected representatives should survive. 264 00:19:55,789 --> 00:19:59,497 - Who is to govern otherwise? - In the event of a nuclear holocaust - 265 00:19:59,667 --> 00:20:03,662 and, of course, we all pray that such a thing will never happen - 266 00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:08,026 there are perhaps more important people than mere politicians. 267 00:20:08,187 --> 00:20:13,740 Doctors, nurses, ambulance men, and so on. All people who run essential services. 268 00:20:13,908 --> 00:20:18,903 Correct me if I'm wrong, but is it not a fact that the PM and Home Secretary 269 00:20:19,068 --> 00:20:23,460 have places reserved for them in government fallout shelters? 270 00:20:23,627 --> 00:20:25,664 That is completely different. 271 00:20:27,388 --> 00:20:29,185 How? 272 00:20:29,348 --> 00:20:33,545 Well, there has to be someone to... run the... you know. 273 00:20:33,707 --> 00:20:39,100 Minister, you're saying political leaders should give up their places for doctors and nurses. 274 00:20:39,269 --> 00:20:43,102 Have you put this idea to the PM and the Home Secretary? 275 00:20:43,269 --> 00:20:48,978 I think we ought to be careful not to trivialise what is a very serious issue, Ludovic. 276 00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:55,106 I'll give you another example. I know of a borough which sent councillors, 277 00:20:55,269 --> 00:20:59,057 at the ratepayers' expensive, to California to look at shelters. 278 00:20:59,227 --> 00:21:01,423 But they couldn't do anything about it 279 00:21:01,588 --> 00:21:07,106 because they'd spent the entire civil defence budget for three whole years on the trip! 280 00:21:08,028 --> 00:21:10,223 - How shocking. - Shocking. 281 00:21:12,468 --> 00:21:16,176 Thank you, Minister. By the way, how did the recording go? 282 00:21:16,348 --> 00:21:20,341 Well, I got into a bit of bother over Ben Stanley's bunker. 283 00:21:20,508 --> 00:21:24,216 I said politicians weren't as important as doctors and so on. 284 00:21:24,388 --> 00:21:26,696 Did you? 285 00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:31,260 Then he said "What about the PM's place in the government shelter?" 286 00:21:31,428 --> 00:21:34,626 - And what did you say? - I got out of it. 287 00:21:34,789 --> 00:21:36,780 Quite cleverly, actually. 288 00:21:36,948 --> 00:21:40,941 I'm not too sure how happy the PM will be about it. 289 00:21:41,107 --> 00:21:44,703 Then I recovered with a marvellous story about some councillors 290 00:21:44,868 --> 00:21:47,463 who went to California to look at shelters 291 00:21:47,627 --> 00:21:52,338 and spent three entire years of the civil defence budget on the jaunt! 292 00:21:55,309 --> 00:21:59,301 - May I ask where that came from? - Yes. Where did that come from? 293 00:21:59,468 --> 00:22:04,098 From the Civil Defence Directorate. They knew you were doing the interview. 294 00:22:05,627 --> 00:22:09,620 Oh, well. Anyway, Minister, I'm sure you know what you're doing. 295 00:22:10,468 --> 00:22:14,939 Humphrey... you only say that when I've made an appalling cock-up. 296 00:22:18,187 --> 00:22:22,578 You do know the borough in question contains the PM's constituency... 297 00:22:24,348 --> 00:22:29,341 ...and that the PM's election agent was the councillor who led the delegation? 298 00:22:34,627 --> 00:22:39,417 - That was just a joke, wasn't it? - Number 10 have been trying to keep it quiet. 299 00:22:39,588 --> 00:22:42,785 - Oh, well, truth will out. - No, no, no! 300 00:22:42,948 --> 00:22:48,068 No, no, no, it mustn't out. It might look like a personal attack. 301 00:22:48,227 --> 00:22:53,097 You know what the PM's like about loyalty. This interview must not go out. 302 00:22:53,269 --> 00:22:57,261 Well, unfortunately, I haven't the time, I must be going. 303 00:22:57,428 --> 00:23:02,138 Humphrey, I... I... I... I'm ordering you, Humphrey. 304 00:23:02,309 --> 00:23:06,301 - Alas, your orders are calling me away. - What do you mean? 305 00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:11,258 Your scheme for imposing failure standards on local councils is very complex. 306 00:23:11,428 --> 00:23:16,024 You asked for proposals straight away. It's taking every moment of my time. 307 00:23:16,187 --> 00:23:18,383 Much as I would like to help. 308 00:23:20,348 --> 00:23:25,944 However... if implementing failure standards were not quite so urgent... 309 00:23:26,107 --> 00:23:28,780 You mean, you can stop this broadcast? 310 00:23:28,948 --> 00:23:32,542 Now, Minister, we cannot censor the BBC, 311 00:23:32,707 --> 00:23:36,542 but I happen to be lunching with the BBC's Director of Policy. 312 00:23:36,707 --> 00:23:40,588 - Perhaps you'd care to join us. - But if we can't censor them... 313 00:23:40,749 --> 00:23:44,742 We could persuade them to withdraw programmes voluntarily 314 00:23:44,908 --> 00:23:48,617 once they realise that transmission is not in the public interest. 315 00:23:49,508 --> 00:23:55,504 Well, it's not in MY interest... and I represent the public, so it's not in the public interest. 316 00:23:58,948 --> 00:24:00,939 That's a novel argument. 317 00:24:03,068 --> 00:24:06,582 We haven't tried that on them before. Have we? 318 00:24:09,147 --> 00:24:11,377 The BBC cannot give in to government pressure. 319 00:24:11,548 --> 00:24:14,347 - Let's leave that on one side... - No, no! 320 00:24:14,508 --> 00:24:18,819 Let's leave that on one side, shall we? Please, Minister. 321 00:24:18,987 --> 00:24:21,218 Frank, could I raise something else? 322 00:24:22,107 --> 00:24:27,705 There is considerable disquiet about the BBC's attitude and hostility towards the government. 323 00:24:28,348 --> 00:24:31,544 - But that's absurd. - Is it? 324 00:24:31,707 --> 00:24:37,544 They've been documenting instances of bias in BBC current affairs. 325 00:24:37,707 --> 00:24:40,540 Favourable news stories not reported. 326 00:24:41,548 --> 00:24:46,258 Oh, yes. Excessive publicity for other countries' cases against Britain. 327 00:24:46,428 --> 00:24:50,182 Especially our Common Market enemies... 328 00:24:50,348 --> 00:24:53,225 ...um... partners. 329 00:24:53,388 --> 00:24:55,379 Oh, yes. 330 00:24:55,548 --> 00:24:58,381 Jokes against the Prime Minister. 331 00:24:58,548 --> 00:25:02,256 Unnecessary publicity for anti-government demonstrations. 332 00:25:02,428 --> 00:25:06,740 And ministers' programme suggestions not accepted. 333 00:25:08,428 --> 00:25:13,981 - I had no room in my case for the others. - I'm sure we have answers to all these. 334 00:25:14,147 --> 00:25:17,140 The BBC's always got answers. Silly ones. 335 00:25:17,309 --> 00:25:21,937 Yes, of course. I thought it fair to warn you that questions are being asked. 336 00:25:22,707 --> 00:25:26,495 - What sort of questions? - Well, for example, 337 00:25:26,667 --> 00:25:31,662 were Parliament to be televised, whether it shouldn't be entrusted to ITV. 338 00:25:33,227 --> 00:25:37,618 - You can't be serious? - And whether the BBC administration 339 00:25:37,789 --> 00:25:42,178 is making the cuts in jobs and premises that we've endured in government. 340 00:25:42,348 --> 00:25:45,943 Should a select committee scrutinise BBC expenditure? 341 00:25:46,107 --> 00:25:49,655 - That would be an intolerable intrusion. - Well, of course. 342 00:25:49,828 --> 00:25:55,425 Then there's this extraordinary matter of boxes at Ascot, Wimbledon, Lords, Covent Garden. 343 00:25:56,707 --> 00:26:02,100 Ah, yes, those are a technical requirement for the production and engineering staff. 344 00:26:02,948 --> 00:26:08,419 Reports from the Inland Revenue suggest that the production and engineering staff 345 00:26:08,588 --> 00:26:10,977 are all holding champagne glasses. 346 00:26:11,987 --> 00:26:15,457 And are all accompanied by their wives or... 347 00:26:15,627 --> 00:26:19,667 ...ladies of... equal distinction. 348 00:26:21,987 --> 00:26:24,184 And all bear a remarkable similarity 349 00:26:24,348 --> 00:26:29,742 to governors, directors and executives of the Corporation, and their friends. 350 00:26:29,908 --> 00:26:32,627 Oh, I say, you've come out very well. 351 00:26:35,348 --> 00:26:41,696 It is possible we can contain all this criticism, provided the files don't get any larger. 352 00:26:41,868 --> 00:26:47,068 I've urged my minister that there's no need to take up the civil defence issue formally. 353 00:26:47,227 --> 00:26:49,946 But... But you must see my position. 354 00:26:53,227 --> 00:26:57,618 - The BBC can't give in to government pressure. - We wouldn't want them to. 355 00:26:57,789 --> 00:27:00,062 - Wouldn't we? - No, of course not. 356 00:27:00,227 --> 00:27:04,379 The minister's interview with Ludovic Kennedy did contain factual errors. 357 00:27:04,548 --> 00:27:09,383 Factual errors? That's different. The BBC couldn't give in to government pressure. 358 00:27:09,548 --> 00:27:14,019 - Absolutely not. - But we set great store by factual accuracy. 359 00:27:14,187 --> 00:27:18,182 Some of the information might well be out of date by the time... 360 00:27:18,348 --> 00:27:21,068 Out of date? Ah, now, that's serious. 361 00:27:21,227 --> 00:27:24,185 Obviously, the BBC couldn't give in to government pressure. 362 00:27:24,348 --> 00:27:28,626 - Oh, indeed not. - But we can't transmit out-of-date material. 363 00:27:28,789 --> 00:27:33,021 And since the recording, I realised that I made one or two slips 364 00:27:33,187 --> 00:27:35,905 that might have security implications. 365 00:27:36,068 --> 00:27:39,425 - Such as? - He can't tell you what they are. 366 00:27:42,227 --> 00:27:44,901 - Why not? - Security. 367 00:27:45,068 --> 00:27:47,059 Can't be too careful about security. 368 00:27:47,227 --> 00:27:51,015 If the defence of the realm is at stake, we must be responsible. 369 00:27:51,187 --> 00:27:54,975 Obviously, the BBC couldn't give in to government pressure, 370 00:27:55,147 --> 00:27:57,537 but security - you can't be too careful. 371 00:27:57,707 --> 00:28:00,097 - Can't be too careful. - Can't be too careful. 372 00:28:00,269 --> 00:28:05,466 If there are inaccuracies and security worries, the BBC wouldn't want to put the interview out. 373 00:28:05,627 --> 00:28:10,066 - Precisely. - That puts a different complexion on it. 374 00:28:10,227 --> 00:28:15,984 Transmission would not be in the public's interest, but I must make one thing absolutely clear. 375 00:28:16,147 --> 00:28:22,019 There can be absolutely no question of the BBC ever giving in to government pressure. 376 00:28:23,508 --> 00:28:25,499 Oh, good news, Minister. 377 00:28:26,508 --> 00:28:30,705 The BBC have decided not to send out your interview with Ludovic Kennedy. 378 00:28:30,868 --> 00:28:33,905 - Really? - They felt that was the responsible course. 379 00:28:34,068 --> 00:28:36,059 - Well done. - Oh, it was nothing. 380 00:28:36,227 --> 00:28:39,504 Yet, you know, I can't help feeling 381 00:28:39,667 --> 00:28:44,696 that I was trapped into saying those things that might've embarrassed the PM. 382 00:28:44,868 --> 00:28:46,859 - Surely not? - Yes. 383 00:28:47,789 --> 00:28:53,977 - I think I was dropped right in it. - How could you think such a ridiculous thought? 384 00:28:54,147 --> 00:28:58,461 Why is it ridiculous to imagine that he would've tried to trap me? 385 00:28:58,627 --> 00:29:00,425 Who? 386 00:29:00,588 --> 00:29:02,578 Ludovic Kennedy. 387 00:29:03,707 --> 00:29:07,702 Oh, Ludovic Kennedy tried to trap you. Yes, well, I'm sure he did. 388 00:29:07,868 --> 00:29:12,419 - Deceitful crowd, the media. Underhand. - No, thoroughly deceitful. 389 00:29:12,588 --> 00:29:16,899 By the way, I think it might be wise to lay off the local councils. 390 00:29:17,068 --> 00:29:18,386 Oh, yes? 391 00:29:18,548 --> 00:29:23,144 After all, councillors are responsible, sensible people on the whole. 392 00:29:23,309 --> 00:29:26,300 - And they are democratically elected. - Democratically elected. 393 00:29:26,468 --> 00:29:31,463 Central government must be frightfully careful before it tells them how to do their jobs. 394 00:29:31,627 --> 00:29:35,702 Frightfully careful. And the failure standards? 395 00:29:35,868 --> 00:29:40,066 Well, I think the same applies... don't you? 396 00:29:40,227 --> 00:29:41,819 Yes, Minister. 397 00:29:44,187 --> 00:29:54,621 http://episode-heaven.rt.hu