1 00:00:41,567 --> 00:00:44,446 Item 7. What is item 7? 2 00:00:44,607 --> 00:00:46,916 Well, if I may just recapitulate... 3 00:00:47,687 --> 00:00:49,086 Sorry, Minister. 4 00:00:49,247 --> 00:00:53,445 You can't actually recapitulate an item if you haven't started it yet. 5 00:00:54,807 --> 00:00:59,005 Thank you. Where would we be without you? May I continue? 6 00:00:59,167 --> 00:01:02,477 Recapitulating on our last meeting and the minutes, 7 00:01:02,647 --> 00:01:06,560 - which you doubtless received... - Doubtless, yes, yes. 8 00:01:06,727 --> 00:01:09,446 Er... what minutes, Humphrey? 9 00:01:09,607 --> 00:01:13,600 Disciplinary action against the South Derbyshire local authority. 10 00:01:13,767 --> 00:01:18,761 Ah, yes... Will you remind me, Bernard? 11 00:01:18,927 --> 00:01:21,316 They failed to complete their statutory returns 12 00:01:21,487 --> 00:01:23,717 and supply us with statistical information. 13 00:01:23,887 --> 00:01:26,879 - What'll we do? - The action we can take? 14 00:01:27,047 --> 00:01:28,526 A rebuke from the minister, 15 00:01:28,687 --> 00:01:31,042 press statement about their incompetence, 16 00:01:31,207 --> 00:01:34,916 the withholding of grants or ultimately, as you are fully aware... 17 00:01:35,087 --> 00:01:37,078 Yes, of course. 18 00:01:37,247 --> 00:01:38,805 Good. 19 00:01:40,407 --> 00:01:42,398 I'm fully aware of what? 20 00:01:43,527 --> 00:01:45,995 - What? - What am I fully aware of? 21 00:01:47,127 --> 00:01:52,247 - I can't think of anything. I mean... - You said, ultimately, as I am fully... 22 00:01:52,407 --> 00:01:55,797 Ultimately, taking the local authority to court. Sorry. 23 00:01:55,967 --> 00:01:57,764 Is it that serious? 24 00:01:57,927 --> 00:02:00,487 - Serious? it’s catastrophic! - Why? 25 00:02:00,647 --> 00:02:03,639 If local authorities don't send us statistics, 26 00:02:03,807 --> 00:02:06,321 government figures will be a nonsense. 27 00:02:06,487 --> 00:02:10,844 - They'll be incomplete. - Government figures are a nonsense. 28 00:02:11,007 --> 00:02:13,521 I think Sir Humphrey wants to ensure 29 00:02:13,687 --> 00:02:15,757 they're a complete nonsense. 30 00:02:16,407 --> 00:02:18,398 I mean... er... 31 00:02:18,567 --> 00:02:21,764 Why should we make an example of South Derbyshire? 32 00:02:21,927 --> 00:02:26,284 Do you object because the council’s controlled by your party? 33 00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:27,846 Oh, no, no, no. 34 00:02:28,007 --> 00:02:32,319 No, no, no. But couldn’t we just... pick on an opposition council? 35 00:02:32,487 --> 00:02:35,797 - Oh, Minister! - Is South Derbyshire all that bad? 36 00:02:36,087 --> 00:02:41,081 Terrible! They won't return their blue forms! 37 00:02:41,247 --> 00:02:45,479 They haven't completed last year's employment trends questionnaire! 38 00:02:45,647 --> 00:02:49,640 They replied to our ethnic personnel breakdown request in longhand 39 00:02:49,807 --> 00:02:52,162 on the back of a departmental circular! 40 00:02:53,327 --> 00:02:58,117 We haven't had their social worker revised analysis for the last two quarters 41 00:02:58,287 --> 00:03:01,085 or their data-processing appropriation tables! 42 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,602 They're unbelievable! Really evil! 43 00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:07,476 What, because they won't return their forms in triplicate? 44 00:03:07,647 --> 00:03:10,719 I don't see how life can go on in Derbyshire! 45 00:03:10,887 --> 00:03:11,922 Exactly, Minister. 46 00:03:12,087 --> 00:03:15,682 They really are in a class of their own for incompetence. 47 00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:19,044 - Have they no redeeming features? - It is fascinating... 48 00:03:19,207 --> 00:03:22,802 If that's all right, we can take coercive action. 49 00:03:22,967 --> 00:03:26,164 - The minister might like to know... - You approve? 50 00:03:27,367 --> 00:03:29,927 Yes, it’s a difficult one. They're friends. 51 00:03:30,087 --> 00:03:32,760 They are no friends of good administration. 52 00:03:32,927 --> 00:03:34,155 Well, give me 24 hours. 53 00:03:34,327 --> 00:03:36,716 I'll have to square the party organisation. 54 00:03:36,887 --> 00:03:38,639 Get the chairman invited 55 00:03:38,807 --> 00:03:41,879 to one of those drinky-do's at Number 10. 56 00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:44,607 Soften the blow. Right, anything else? 57 00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:47,076 No, I think that seems to be all. 58 00:03:52,767 --> 00:03:56,601 Richard, I need your advice, if you can spare a moment. 59 00:03:59,047 --> 00:04:01,402 Bernard, I'm not happy about... 60 00:04:01,567 --> 00:04:03,478 disciplining South Derbyshire. 61 00:04:03,647 --> 00:04:06,002 - Why not, Minister? - Instinct. 62 00:04:06,407 --> 00:04:10,036 Dr Cartwright seemed to be trying to tell me something. 63 00:04:10,207 --> 00:04:11,720 I think I'll drop in on him. 64 00:04:11,887 --> 00:04:13,843 - I wouldn't do that. - Why not? 65 00:04:14,007 --> 00:04:18,000 If ministers want to know anything, it will be brought to their notice. 66 00:04:18,167 --> 00:04:21,716 If they go out looking for information, they might... 67 00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:24,196 - Find it? - Yes. 68 00:04:25,487 --> 00:04:29,480 Sir Humphrey does not take kindly to ministers dropping in on people. 69 00:04:29,647 --> 00:04:33,401 - Gong walkabout, he calls it. - The Queen does it. 70 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:36,082 She doesn't drop in on Under-Secretaries, 71 00:04:36,247 --> 00:04:38,602 not in Sir Humphrey's department. 72 00:04:38,767 --> 00:04:41,964 - What's his room number? - I must advise you against this. 73 00:04:42,127 --> 00:04:44,721 - Advice noted. - Room 4017. 74 00:04:46,007 --> 00:04:48,885 Down one flight, second corridor on the left. 75 00:04:49,047 --> 00:04:53,006 If I'm not back in 48 hours, send out a search party! 76 00:04:56,127 --> 00:04:57,640 Hello, Graham, it’s Bernard. 77 00:04:57,807 --> 00:05:01,117 Tell Sir Humphrey that the Minister’s just gone walkabout. 78 00:05:01,287 --> 00:05:03,482 Yes, yes, AWOL. 79 00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:07,476 Well, of course I told him, yes. 80 00:05:07,647 --> 00:05:11,640 I know. I think you'd better let him know right away. 81 00:05:13,887 --> 00:05:19,883 One... two... three... four... five... 82 00:05:20,047 --> 00:05:25,041 six... seven... eight... nine... ten. 83 00:05:25,207 --> 00:05:27,198 What's all this about? 84 00:05:28,687 --> 00:05:31,679 The minister’s just left the office, that's all. 85 00:05:31,847 --> 00:05:35,237 That's all? Do you mean he's loose in the building? 86 00:05:36,247 --> 00:05:37,646 Why didn’t you warn me? 87 00:05:37,807 --> 00:05:40,446 I did advise him, but he is the minister. 88 00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:44,077 There's no prohibition against ministers talking to their staff. 89 00:05:44,247 --> 00:05:47,717 - Who's he talking to? - Perhaps he was just restless. 90 00:05:47,887 --> 00:05:49,366 If the minister’s restless, 91 00:05:49,527 --> 00:05:51,836 he can feed the ducks in St James's Park! 92 00:05:52,647 --> 00:05:53,796 Yes, Sir Humphrey. 93 00:05:53,967 --> 00:05:56,561 Tell me who the minister’s talking to. 94 00:05:57,687 --> 00:06:01,077 Well, surely the minister can talk to anyone. 95 00:06:01,247 --> 00:06:07,083 Bernard... I'm in the middle of writing your annual report. 96 00:06:09,887 --> 00:06:11,764 Now, it is not a responsibility 97 00:06:11,927 --> 00:06:14,680 that either of us would wish me to discharge 98 00:06:14,847 --> 00:06:17,156 whilst I am in a bad temper. 99 00:06:18,047 --> 00:06:20,117 Who's the minister talking to? 100 00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:22,759 Perhaps you could help me. 101 00:06:22,927 --> 00:06:26,636 I can see that you should know if he calls on an outsider. 102 00:06:26,807 --> 00:06:29,480 I fail to see why you should be informed 103 00:06:29,647 --> 00:06:33,196 if he just wants to, to take a hypothetical example, 104 00:06:33,367 --> 00:06:36,803 to... check a point with... Dr Cartwright... 105 00:06:36,967 --> 00:06:39,686 Thank you, Bernard. Must fly. 106 00:06:39,847 --> 00:06:41,963 - Room 4017. - I know. 107 00:06:44,287 --> 00:06:47,836 Are those things about South Derbyshire true? 108 00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:50,567 - They may be. - What are you saying? 109 00:06:50,727 --> 00:06:52,638 I'm saying that South Derbyshire is 110 00:06:52,807 --> 00:06:55,367 the most efficient local authority in the UK. 111 00:06:55,527 --> 00:06:58,519 I'm meant to tick them off for being the least. 112 00:06:58,687 --> 00:07:00,006 Look at the figures. 113 00:07:00,167 --> 00:07:04,160 - I thought they didn’t send us any. - No. 114 00:07:04,327 --> 00:07:08,525 But they keep their own records perfectly well. I'm gong on those. 115 00:07:10,887 --> 00:07:14,675 They've got the lowest truancy record in the Midlands. 116 00:07:14,847 --> 00:07:17,281 The lowest admin cost per council house. 117 00:07:17,447 --> 00:07:20,644 The lowest ratio of council workers to rate income. 118 00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:24,197 The lowest number of environmental health officers. 119 00:07:24,367 --> 00:07:27,564 - What are those officers? - Rat-catchers. 120 00:07:29,367 --> 00:07:31,676 Virtually all children can read and write, 121 00:07:31,847 --> 00:07:34,566 even though they've had a progressive education. 122 00:07:34,727 --> 00:07:36,763 They've got the smallest establishment 123 00:07:36,927 --> 00:07:38,440 of social workers in the UK. 124 00:07:38,607 --> 00:07:42,998 - Is that supposed to be a good thing? - Oh, yes. Sign of efficiency. 125 00:07:43,167 --> 00:07:45,965 Parkinson’s Law of Social Work, you see. 126 00:07:46,127 --> 00:07:48,038 Social problems increase to occupy 127 00:07:48,207 --> 00:07:51,517 the number of social workers available to deal with them. 128 00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:56,556 - And all these figures are Ok? - Yes, I assure you. 129 00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:58,718 Richard, I wonder if I... 130 00:07:59,767 --> 00:08:01,758 Good heavens, Minister. 131 00:08:01,927 --> 00:08:05,966 - Humphrey, what a coincidence. - Yes, indeed, what a surprise! 132 00:08:06,127 --> 00:08:08,322 - Yes. - Yes. 133 00:08:08,487 --> 00:08:10,557 I was just... passing. 134 00:08:11,967 --> 00:08:14,765 - Passing? - Yes, passing. 135 00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:17,919 Oh, passing. And where were you gong? 136 00:08:18,087 --> 00:08:20,123 I was just gong... past. 137 00:08:22,047 --> 00:08:25,483 Past the door. Cartwright’s... Richard’s door. 138 00:08:25,647 --> 00:08:28,957 And I thought..."Hello..." 139 00:08:29,847 --> 00:08:31,997 Did you think anything further? 140 00:08:33,047 --> 00:08:37,438 Yes, I thought, "Why should I pass the door? Why not open it?" 141 00:08:38,367 --> 00:08:40,881 Good thinking, that's what doors are for. 142 00:08:41,047 --> 00:08:42,082 Right. 143 00:08:42,247 --> 00:08:44,966 There were some points I wanted to clear up. 144 00:08:45,127 --> 00:08:46,924 Oh, good, good. What points? 145 00:08:47,087 --> 00:08:50,762 - Just a couple of odd points. - Couple of odd points. 146 00:08:52,527 --> 00:08:56,725 - How odd? - Oh... not all that odd. 147 00:08:56,887 --> 00:09:00,675 - We just had a meeting. - Could I have a word with you? 148 00:09:00,847 --> 00:09:04,044 - Yes, of course, as soon as... - No, I mean now. 149 00:09:04,207 --> 00:09:07,643 - All right, carry on. - No, upstairs in your office. 150 00:09:07,807 --> 00:09:10,605 - I'm sure Richard doesn't mind. - No, upstairs. 151 00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:14,601 I'm sure that Dr Cartwright can spare you for a few moments. 152 00:09:14,767 --> 00:09:16,758 Thank you, Richard. Minister. 153 00:09:44,407 --> 00:09:46,398 You may go, Bernard. 154 00:09:47,447 --> 00:09:50,325 Minister, what was all that in aid of? 155 00:09:50,487 --> 00:09:52,762 I have learnt some interesting facts. 156 00:09:52,927 --> 00:09:56,317 - I hope it does not happen again. - I beg your pardon? 157 00:09:56,487 --> 00:10:00,036 You cannot speak to people in the department. 158 00:10:00,207 --> 00:10:01,242 Why not? 159 00:10:01,407 --> 00:10:04,558 How can I advise you if I don't know what’s said? 160 00:10:04,727 --> 00:10:06,718 I must know what is gong on. 161 00:10:06,887 --> 00:10:09,526 You cannot have private conversations! 162 00:10:09,687 --> 00:10:12,042 You may be told things that are not true! 163 00:10:12,207 --> 00:10:15,597 - You can put me right. - But they may be true! 164 00:10:17,047 --> 00:10:21,245 Not entirely false, but misleading, open to misinterpretation. 165 00:10:21,407 --> 00:10:25,605 - You're trying to keep things from me. - Absolutely not, Minister. 166 00:10:25,767 --> 00:10:29,203 Minutes must be taken, records must be kept. 167 00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:32,518 You won't be here forever, Nor will we. 168 00:10:32,687 --> 00:10:34,120 in years to come... 169 00:10:34,287 --> 00:10:36,926 If Cartwright were moved tomorrow, 170 00:10:37,087 --> 00:10:39,647 how could we check information? 171 00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:42,799 - Cartwright won't be moved tomorrow. - Oh, really? 172 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:47,116 Alex Andrews from the Mail to see you. 173 00:10:47,287 --> 00:10:49,926 Ah, hang on. I'd like you to minute this. 174 00:10:50,087 --> 00:10:52,647 Everything must be minuted, you know. 175 00:10:52,807 --> 00:10:54,877 Sit down, won't you, Humphrey? 176 00:10:55,047 --> 00:10:58,517 - Now South Derbyshire Council... - Just a minute. 177 00:10:58,687 --> 00:11:01,759 Yes, that's what I said. South Derbyshire. 178 00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:05,920 Dr Cartwright said it is the most efficient council in Britain. 179 00:11:06,087 --> 00:11:08,885 - Inefficient, I think he means. - Efficient, Humphrey. 180 00:11:09,047 --> 00:11:10,321 Economical, effective. 181 00:11:10,487 --> 00:11:14,036 Just not interested in sending bits of blue paper to Whitehall. 182 00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,596 - But they have to send them. - Why? 183 00:11:16,767 --> 00:11:22,160 - It is a statutory requirement. - And if they don't, Britain carries on. 184 00:11:22,327 --> 00:11:23,965 South Derbyshire carries on. 185 00:11:24,127 --> 00:11:26,721 But if they don't send us the information, 186 00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:29,685 the plans and the requests for permission, 187 00:11:29,887 --> 00:11:31,445 what are we here for? 188 00:11:31,847 --> 00:11:36,045 Good question. What are we here for? 189 00:11:36,207 --> 00:11:40,803 To collect information, inspect plans, and withhold or grant permission. 190 00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:45,085 - And if we didn’t? - I'm sorry, Minister, I don't understand. 191 00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:48,796 If we weren't here and we didn’t do it, what then? 192 00:11:48,967 --> 00:11:51,003 I'm sorry, you've lost me. 193 00:11:51,167 --> 00:11:54,682 You're concerned more with means than ends. 194 00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:59,284 There are no ends in administration, Minister, except loose ends. 195 00:11:59,447 --> 00:12:01,278 Administration is eternal! 196 00:12:01,447 --> 00:12:04,200 - Forever and ever. - Amen! 197 00:12:05,127 --> 00:12:08,119 Because there are no ends, they talk about government circles. 198 00:12:08,287 --> 00:12:11,677 Exactly, Bernard, which is what we’re gong round in! 199 00:12:11,847 --> 00:12:15,476 I won't discipline South Derbyshire. I'd look a complete idiot. 200 00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:18,445 I'm sorry, Minister, but it’s your job. 201 00:12:20,447 --> 00:12:23,280 To discipline South Derbyshire. You have no alternative. 202 00:12:23,447 --> 00:12:26,519 The Treasury and the Cabinet Office insist. 203 00:12:26,687 --> 00:12:29,679 I cannot agree to this. Not today, anyhow. 204 00:12:29,847 --> 00:12:31,644 - Tomorrow, then. - No! 205 00:12:31,807 --> 00:12:34,116 I'm sorry, you don't seem to understand. 206 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,723 It is not up to you or to me. It is the law. 207 00:12:38,447 --> 00:12:42,281 - I think you ought to talk to the Mail. - Very well. 208 00:12:43,447 --> 00:12:46,644 - Thank you, Humphrey. - Thank you, Minister. 209 00:12:48,887 --> 00:12:52,038 - Bernard. Bernard. - Yes, Minister? 210 00:12:54,967 --> 00:12:58,357 How did Sir Humphrey know I was with Dr Cartwright? 211 00:12:59,767 --> 00:13:01,803 God moves in a mysterious way. 212 00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:08,683 Let me make one thing perfectly clear. Humphrey is not God, Ok? 213 00:13:10,967 --> 00:13:13,276 Will you tell him or shall I? 214 00:13:16,967 --> 00:13:20,562 Now, tell me how he knew where I was. 215 00:13:20,727 --> 00:13:24,515 Confidentially, everything you tell me is in complete confidence 216 00:13:24,687 --> 00:13:27,485 so equally, and I'm sure you appreciate this, 217 00:13:27,647 --> 00:13:30,400 and, by appreciate, I don't mean appreciate, 218 00:13:30,567 --> 00:13:33,445 I mean understand, that everything Sir Humphrey tells me 219 00:13:33,607 --> 00:13:34,756 is also in confidence, 220 00:13:34,927 --> 00:13:39,000 as indeed everything I tell you and everything I tell Sir Humphrey 221 00:13:39,167 --> 00:13:40,839 is in complete confidence. 222 00:13:44,047 --> 00:13:46,038 So? 223 00:13:46,887 --> 00:13:49,879 So, in confidence, I am confident you understand 224 00:13:50,047 --> 00:13:52,561 that for me to keep Sir Humphrey's confidence, 225 00:13:52,727 --> 00:13:54,479 conversations between him and me 226 00:13:54,647 --> 00:13:59,277 must be confidential, as confidential as conversations between you and me 227 00:13:59,447 --> 00:14:01,642 are completely confidential. 228 00:14:05,407 --> 00:14:08,763 - Mr Andrews, Minister. - Thank you, Bernard. 229 00:14:08,927 --> 00:14:11,760 - Ah, Alex. - Hello, Jim. 230 00:14:11,927 --> 00:14:14,122 - Sit down. - Thank you. 231 00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:17,279 - What can I do for you? - I need your help. 232 00:14:17,447 --> 00:14:19,483 I've come across a fascinating story. 233 00:14:19,847 --> 00:14:22,042 Do you realise that your government 234 00:14:22,207 --> 00:14:25,005 is about to hand over 40 million-worth 235 00:14:25,167 --> 00:14:28,682 of housing, building, harbour installations and an airstrip 236 00:14:28,847 --> 00:14:31,042 to a private developer for nothing? 237 00:14:31,207 --> 00:14:35,246 - 40 million? You're having me on! - No, Scout's honour. 238 00:14:37,047 --> 00:14:40,039 - Why tell me? I didn’t do it, did I? - No. 239 00:14:42,127 --> 00:14:44,118 It goes back a long way. 240 00:14:44,287 --> 00:14:48,758 30 years ago, the Ministry of Defence took out a lease on a Scottish Island. 241 00:14:48,927 --> 00:14:52,920 They put up billets, married quarters, HQ block, the harbour, the airstrip. 242 00:14:53,087 --> 00:14:56,682 And now the lease has expired, it reverts to the original owner. 243 00:14:56,847 --> 00:14:58,644 He's opening up a holiday camp. 244 00:14:58,807 --> 00:15:01,002 Yachting marinas, chalets, staff quarters. 245 00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:03,123 It's all there. He'll make a fortune. 246 00:15:03,287 --> 00:15:06,677 - He can't do that. The law... - No, that's English law. 247 00:15:06,847 --> 00:15:09,042 This contract was made under Scottish law. 248 00:15:09,207 --> 00:15:12,643 Some idiot didn’t realise the difference. 249 00:15:12,807 --> 00:15:15,799 - We're in the clear. - Ah, yes. 250 00:15:15,967 --> 00:15:20,165 Even the Mail can't blame you for a cock-up in the early'50s. 251 00:15:20,327 --> 00:15:22,363 Makes a change. 252 00:15:22,527 --> 00:15:25,519 What do you want from me? You've got your story. 253 00:15:25,687 --> 00:15:28,645 30 years late. As quick with the news as ever! 254 00:15:28,807 --> 00:15:30,957 Still, not bad for Fleet Street! 255 00:15:31,127 --> 00:15:32,845 We're running it tomorrow, 256 00:15:33,007 --> 00:15:35,680 but my editor wants me to do a feature, 257 00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:38,839 find out how it happened, go through the files. 258 00:15:39,007 --> 00:15:41,567 - Why? - There could be lessons for today. 259 00:15:41,727 --> 00:15:44,844 We might find out who is responsible. 260 00:15:45,007 --> 00:15:49,080 Does it matter? It would’ve been handled by quite a junior official. 261 00:15:49,247 --> 00:15:52,842 30 years ago. Today he could be in an important position. 262 00:15:53,007 --> 00:15:56,795 He could be a Permanent Secretary running a great department, 263 00:15:56,967 --> 00:16:00,516 responsible for spending billons of pounds of public money. 264 00:16:00,687 --> 00:16:05,078 - Pretty unlikely. - Yes. But can I see the papers? 265 00:16:05,247 --> 00:16:07,966 Of course, I can't just hand files over. 266 00:16:08,127 --> 00:16:10,721 Didn’t you say it was a 30-year lease? 267 00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:13,526 You can get them from the Public Records Office 268 00:16:13,687 --> 00:16:15,040 under the 30-yearrule. 269 00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:17,198 Yes, I thought you'd say that, 270 00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:20,882 but I want a guarantee that I will get all of them. 271 00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:25,199 - Well, Defence papers... - Come on, this is not top security. 272 00:16:25,367 --> 00:16:27,278 You made a manifesto commitment 273 00:16:27,447 --> 00:16:31,360 saying you'd tell voters the facts. This is a test case. 274 00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:33,800 I want your guarantee 275 00:16:33,967 --> 00:16:37,562 that no papers will be removed from the file before it’s opened. 276 00:16:37,727 --> 00:16:40,719 I don't see why not. No skin off my nose. 277 00:16:40,887 --> 00:16:42,559 Is that a promise? 278 00:16:42,727 --> 00:16:46,322 A real promise, not the sort you put in your manifesto! 279 00:16:46,487 --> 00:16:50,241 The problem with you is you won't take yes for an answer! 280 00:16:51,247 --> 00:16:55,923 Otherwise we do the feature about ministers ratting on manifestos. 281 00:17:27,767 --> 00:17:29,758 Is that the lot, Humphrey? 282 00:17:32,967 --> 00:17:36,721 Oh, I'm sorry. That seems to be all, Minister, thank you. 283 00:17:36,887 --> 00:17:41,085 Incidentally, Humphrey, did you see that story in the Mail this morning? 284 00:17:41,247 --> 00:17:45,035 - About the Scottish Island scandal. - I'm not sure. 285 00:17:45,207 --> 00:17:47,277 About some cock-up somebody made 286 00:17:47,447 --> 00:17:50,200 30 years ago about the terms of the lease. 287 00:17:50,367 --> 00:17:52,597 I believe I did glance at it. 288 00:17:52,767 --> 00:17:56,680 40 million down the tube! Somebody really boobed there! 289 00:17:58,807 --> 00:18:02,004 - It didn’t happen in your department? - Absolutely not. 290 00:18:02,167 --> 00:18:06,558 - I wonder who it was. - That is something we shall never know. 291 00:18:06,727 --> 00:18:09,036 It'll be on the files. 292 00:18:09,207 --> 00:18:11,846 Everything must be put in writing, as you always say. 293 00:18:13,127 --> 00:18:17,643 Well... somewhere, no doubt, but it would take ages to search. 294 00:18:17,807 --> 00:18:19,399 Not worth anyone's time. 295 00:18:19,567 --> 00:18:23,162 You may be wrong. The Mail want to do a big feature. 296 00:18:23,327 --> 00:18:28,162 As soon as the papers are released under the 30-yearrule in a few weeks. 297 00:18:28,327 --> 00:18:31,319 I promised them a free run of all the files. 298 00:18:34,087 --> 00:18:36,965 - Minister! - It’s all right, isn’t it? 299 00:18:37,127 --> 00:18:40,676 All right? It most certainly is not all right! 300 00:18:40,847 --> 00:18:44,044 - Why on earth not? - It’s impossible, it’s unthinkable! 301 00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:46,163 - Why? - It’s top security! 302 00:18:47,047 --> 00:18:50,244 - A few barracks? - Secret naval installations! 303 00:18:50,407 --> 00:18:53,604 Anti-submarine systems! Low-level radar towers! 304 00:18:53,767 --> 00:18:55,086 You don't know that. 305 00:18:55,247 --> 00:18:58,205 That's the sort of thing those bases have. 306 00:18:58,367 --> 00:19:01,962 - But they'd have been dismantled. - The papers will have references! 307 00:19:02,127 --> 00:19:05,483 - Ancient history. - We need to get clearances. 308 00:19:05,647 --> 00:19:07,285 Who from? 309 00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:11,235 Security implications! MI5! MI6! 310 00:19:12,647 --> 00:19:15,241 Foreign powers! National interests! 311 00:19:15,407 --> 00:19:20,720 Consult our allies! Top brass! CIA, NATO, SEATO, Moscow! 312 00:19:22,447 --> 00:19:25,405 Moscow? Are you all right, Humphrey? 313 00:19:25,567 --> 00:19:29,037 Er, no, not Moscow. I didn’t mean Moscow. 314 00:19:29,207 --> 00:19:33,359 But this information could seriously damage people still alive. 315 00:19:33,527 --> 00:19:37,520 The people who drew up this contract ought to be damaged! 316 00:19:37,687 --> 00:19:41,521 Oh, absolutely! No question of protecting officials! Of course not! 317 00:19:41,687 --> 00:19:43,917 But... responsible ministers... 318 00:19:44,087 --> 00:19:48,877 It's 30 years ago. in any case, weren't the other lot in office then? 319 00:19:49,047 --> 00:19:52,084 - Well, yes... - Why are you so concerned? 320 00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:56,676 Oh, I'm not, no, no. Not me, personally, 321 00:19:56,847 --> 00:19:59,884 but it’s the principle, the precedent, the policy... 322 00:20:00,047 --> 00:20:04,518 The policy is up to me, Humphrey, and I've said yes, so it’s done. Ok? 323 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,924 What's the matter with Humphrey? 324 00:20:17,647 --> 00:20:20,161 I haven't done anything wrong, have I? 325 00:20:20,847 --> 00:20:24,283 There aren't any security implications, are there? 326 00:20:24,447 --> 00:20:25,846 What's the problem? 327 00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:30,964 - Am I talking to myself? - No, I'm listening. 328 00:20:31,127 --> 00:20:32,480 Why don't you answer? 329 00:20:32,647 --> 00:20:35,605 I thought your questions were purely rhetorical. 330 00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:38,327 I see no reason for him to be so anxious. 331 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:39,761 Unless... 332 00:20:41,767 --> 00:20:45,965 - Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - I don't think so, Minister. 333 00:20:47,607 --> 00:20:49,598 I'm not thinking anything, really. 334 00:20:50,487 --> 00:20:52,398 I begin to smell a rat. 335 00:20:52,567 --> 00:20:55,161 Shall I get an environmental health officer? 336 00:20:59,047 --> 00:21:02,244 How long has Sir Humphrey been here at Administrative Affairs? 337 00:21:02,407 --> 00:21:05,001 - Since it was founded. - When was that? 338 00:21:05,167 --> 00:21:09,240 1964. The same time they started the Department for Economic... 339 00:21:11,527 --> 00:21:14,087 Now I think I'm thinking what you're thinking. 340 00:21:14,247 --> 00:21:15,600 And what are you thinking? 341 00:21:15,767 --> 00:21:18,600 You're thinking, where was he before 1964? 342 00:21:18,767 --> 00:21:20,564 It'll be in "Who's Who". 343 00:21:20,727 --> 00:21:24,925 He must've been in another department and trawled for the DAA. 344 00:21:25,087 --> 00:21:28,682 - What? - Trawled. Fished, caught in the net. 345 00:21:29,687 --> 00:21:32,679 - Ah, here we are. Oh, my God! - What? 346 00:21:34,007 --> 00:21:39,240 From 1950 to 1956, he was Assistant Principal at the Scottish Office. 347 00:21:40,927 --> 00:21:43,646 On secondment from the War Office. 348 00:21:46,487 --> 00:21:49,479 Regional Contracts Officer. 349 00:21:49,647 --> 00:21:51,763 30 years ago. 350 00:21:53,967 --> 00:21:56,162 So the official... 351 00:21:56,327 --> 00:21:59,558 who chucked away 40 million... 352 00:21:59,727 --> 00:22:02,525 of taxpayers' money was... 353 00:22:04,367 --> 00:22:06,562 How frightful! 354 00:22:08,367 --> 00:22:11,564 - It’s awful, Minister. - Dreadful. 355 00:22:12,927 --> 00:22:16,966 And all the papers due for release in a few weeks' time. 356 00:22:18,927 --> 00:22:21,760 Get Humphrey to come back here at once. 357 00:22:21,927 --> 00:22:23,121 Yes, Minister. 358 00:22:25,407 --> 00:22:28,319 The Minister wonders if Sir Humphrey could spare time 359 00:22:28,487 --> 00:22:31,001 for a meeting sometime in the next few days. 360 00:22:31,167 --> 00:22:34,364 - At once. - In fact, sometime today is really... 361 00:22:34,527 --> 00:22:38,520 - At once! - Sometime during the next 60 seconds. 362 00:22:43,327 --> 00:22:46,922 - He's coming round now. - Why? Did he faint? 363 00:22:50,247 --> 00:22:53,523 - No, he's just, you know... - This is serious, Bernard. 364 00:22:53,687 --> 00:22:55,166 Yes, I know. 365 00:22:58,207 --> 00:23:01,597 - This is no laughing matter. - No, certainly not. 366 00:23:10,287 --> 00:23:11,959 The question is... 367 00:23:13,607 --> 00:23:15,996 how am I gong to deal with it? 368 00:23:16,167 --> 00:23:19,398 - In my opinion... - The question was rhetorical. 369 00:23:22,967 --> 00:23:27,518 - You wanted a word, Minister? - Humphrey, come in, come in. 370 00:23:30,447 --> 00:23:32,244 Sorry, Bernard. 371 00:23:40,047 --> 00:23:43,437 I've been thinking about this Scottish Island scandal. 372 00:23:44,927 --> 00:23:47,680 - Very worrying. - Well, I don't know... 373 00:23:47,847 --> 00:23:49,565 You probably don't realise this, 374 00:23:49,727 --> 00:23:53,163 but that official could still be in the Civil Servlce. 375 00:23:54,247 --> 00:23:56,238 - Very unlikely. - But why? 376 00:23:56,407 --> 00:24:01,003 He could've been in his mld-20s then, he'd be in his mld-50s now. 377 00:24:01,167 --> 00:24:03,965 Might even be a Permanent Secretary! 378 00:24:05,087 --> 00:24:08,124 - I hardly think... - No, of course, you're right. 379 00:24:08,287 --> 00:24:12,678 Nobody who made a blunder like that could become a Permanent Secretary. 380 00:24:12,847 --> 00:24:18,160 - Anyway, I want a full investigation. - We can't find out that sort of thing. 381 00:24:18,327 --> 00:24:19,555 Surely we can. 382 00:24:19,727 --> 00:24:23,606 You said yourself that minutes are always made, records kept 383 00:24:23,767 --> 00:24:25,564 in the Civil Servlce. 384 00:24:25,727 --> 00:24:28,605 And legal documents concerning a current contract 385 00:24:28,767 --> 00:24:31,122 wouldn't have been thrown away. 386 00:24:32,127 --> 00:24:37,326 Minister... aren’t we making a little too much of this? 387 00:24:37,487 --> 00:24:41,560 Possibly blighting a brilliant career because of a... 388 00:24:41,727 --> 00:24:43,604 tiny slip 30 years ago? 389 00:24:43,767 --> 00:24:46,725 After all, it’s not such a lot of money wasted. 390 00:24:46,887 --> 00:24:48,286 40 million? 391 00:24:50,047 --> 00:24:52,845 Well, not compared with Blue Streak, 392 00:24:53,007 --> 00:24:56,477 TSR.2, Trident, Concorde, 393 00:24:56,647 --> 00:24:59,081 high-rise council flats, 394 00:24:59,247 --> 00:25:01,841 British Rail, 395 00:25:02,007 --> 00:25:04,077 British Leyland, British Steel, 396 00:25:04,807 --> 00:25:06,798 Upper Clyde Shipbuilders, 397 00:25:07,847 --> 00:25:11,681 the atomic Power Station programme, comprehensive schools, 398 00:25:11,847 --> 00:25:14,236 the University of Essex. 399 00:25:16,007 --> 00:25:20,205 I take your point, but it’s still more, a hundred times more, 400 00:25:20,367 --> 00:25:23,757 than this official could ever have earned in his entire career. 401 00:25:23,927 --> 00:25:28,842 So I want you to look into it and find out who it was. 402 00:25:30,087 --> 00:25:31,406 Ok? 403 00:25:40,407 --> 00:25:43,956 - Yes, Humphrey? - There is something you ought to know. 404 00:25:45,087 --> 00:25:46,679 Yes, Humphrey? 405 00:25:48,247 --> 00:25:51,125 The identity of the official whose alleged responsibility 406 00:25:51,287 --> 00:25:52,959 for this hypothetical oversight, 407 00:25:53,127 --> 00:25:55,595 as being the subject of recent discussion, 408 00:25:55,767 --> 00:25:59,601 is not shrouded in quite such impenetrable obscurity 409 00:25:59,767 --> 00:26:02,804 as previous disclosures led you to assume. 410 00:26:02,967 --> 00:26:05,561 But not to put too fine a point on it... 411 00:26:06,567 --> 00:26:10,162 the individual in question is, it may surprise you to learn, 412 00:26:10,327 --> 00:26:13,524 one whom your present interlocutor... 413 00:26:15,447 --> 00:26:17,642 is in the habit of defining... 414 00:26:18,927 --> 00:26:21,725 by means of the perpendicular pronoun. 415 00:26:27,287 --> 00:26:29,278 I beg your pardon? 416 00:26:32,087 --> 00:26:34,681 It was... I. 417 00:26:36,127 --> 00:26:37,924 Humphrey! 418 00:26:40,127 --> 00:26:43,164 - No? - I was under pressure! 419 00:26:45,647 --> 00:26:47,797 We were overworked, there was panic! 420 00:26:47,967 --> 00:26:50,242 Parliamentary questions tabled. 421 00:26:50,407 --> 00:26:52,398 Obviously I'm not a trained lawyer 422 00:26:52,567 --> 00:26:57,083 or I wouldn't have been in charge of the Legal Unit! 423 00:26:58,527 --> 00:27:01,246 30 years ago! Everybody makes mistakes! 424 00:27:01,407 --> 00:27:04,319 Well, Humphrey... I forgive you. 425 00:27:08,207 --> 00:27:10,198 Oh, thank you, Minister. 426 00:27:10,367 --> 00:27:13,564 Why didn’t you tell me about this before? 427 00:27:13,727 --> 00:27:16,366 We have no secrets from each other, have we? 428 00:27:18,247 --> 00:27:22,206 - That is for you to say, Minister. - Well, not entirely. 429 00:27:22,367 --> 00:27:25,086 Anyhow, what are we gong to do? 430 00:27:25,247 --> 00:27:26,646 I'm gong to be roasted 431 00:27:26,807 --> 00:27:30,083 If I don't release all those papers to the Mail. 432 00:27:30,767 --> 00:27:33,679 I might be able to do something about it... 433 00:27:33,847 --> 00:27:36,077 If I hadn't got this other worry on my plate. 434 00:27:36,247 --> 00:27:38,238 What other worry 435 00:27:39,447 --> 00:27:41,278 Being roasted by the press 436 00:27:41,447 --> 00:27:45,645 for disciplining the most efficient council in Great Britain. 437 00:27:48,487 --> 00:27:51,206 I've been thinking about South Derbyshire. 438 00:27:53,607 --> 00:27:56,599 - Oh, good. - Obviously we can't change the law. 439 00:27:56,767 --> 00:27:58,678 Perhaps we might show them leniency, 440 00:27:58,847 --> 00:28:01,042 a private word with the Chief Executive. 441 00:28:01,207 --> 00:28:04,005 Give them a chance to mend their ways. 442 00:28:04,167 --> 00:28:06,362 That might help considerably. 443 00:28:06,527 --> 00:28:10,122 How will I explain the missing documents to the Mail? 444 00:28:10,287 --> 00:28:13,324 Well, this is what we normally do in... 445 00:28:15,007 --> 00:28:16,998 circumstances like these. 446 00:28:18,847 --> 00:28:21,441 "This file contains the complete set of papers, 447 00:28:21,607 --> 00:28:23,837 except for a number of secret documents, 448 00:28:24,007 --> 00:28:26,999 a few others which are part of still-active files, 449 00:28:27,167 --> 00:28:31,001 some correspondence lost in the floods of 1967..." 450 00:28:33,127 --> 00:28:35,516 Was 1967 a particularly bad winter? 451 00:28:36,527 --> 00:28:38,040 No, a marvellous winter. 452 00:28:38,207 --> 00:28:41,085 We lost no end of embarrassing files. 453 00:28:42,767 --> 00:28:45,406 "Records lost in the move to London, 454 00:28:45,567 --> 00:28:48,764 or when the War Office joined the Ministry of Defence, 455 00:28:48,927 --> 00:28:52,522 and the withdrawal of papers that could give grounds for an action 456 00:28:52,687 --> 00:28:54,643 for libel or breach of confidence 457 00:28:54,807 --> 00:28:57,685 or cause embarrassment to friendly governments." 458 00:28:58,727 --> 00:29:00,638 Well, that's pretty comprehensive. 459 00:29:00,807 --> 00:29:03,924 How many does that normally leave for them to look at? 460 00:29:04,927 --> 00:29:08,522 How many does it actually leave? 461 00:29:08,687 --> 00:29:11,281 About a hundred? Fifty? 462 00:29:12,967 --> 00:29:15,276 Ten? Five? 463 00:29:16,367 --> 00:29:18,164 Four? 464 00:29:18,327 --> 00:29:20,158 Three? Two? 465 00:29:21,607 --> 00:29:22,756 One? 466 00:29:26,207 --> 00:29:27,435 Zero? 467 00:29:28,967 --> 00:29:30,286 Yes, Minister.