1 00:00:43,367 --> 00:00:45,757 Are you sure Hacker's the man for this? 2 00:00:45,927 --> 00:00:46,643 Yes. 3 00:00:46,807 --> 00:00:51,005 He's the best choice to bring in an integrated transport policy? 4 00:00:51,167 --> 00:00:53,635 - Yes. - But he knows nothing about it! 5 00:00:53,927 --> 00:00:55,042 No. 6 00:00:56,727 --> 00:00:59,287 You've sounded out the Transport Secretary 7 00:00:59,447 --> 00:01:00,960 He won't touch it. 8 00:01:01,207 --> 00:01:04,483 Yes. This could turn out to be a bed of nails. 9 00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:06,080 A crown of thorns. 10 00:01:06,247 --> 00:01:07,441 A booby trap. 11 00:01:07,607 --> 00:01:11,236 It has to look like something’s gong to be done. 12 00:01:12,167 --> 00:01:14,965 It calls for a particular combination of talents, 13 00:01:15,127 --> 00:01:17,595 lots of activity but no actual achievement. 14 00:01:19,807 --> 00:01:21,320 I see. 15 00:01:21,487 --> 00:01:23,876 Then Hacker is the man! 16 00:01:24,327 --> 00:01:26,318 So how do we go about him? 17 00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:30,036 You're the PM's Chief Special Advisor. You know the form. 18 00:01:30,207 --> 00:01:32,596 We make it seem like a special honour. 19 00:01:32,767 --> 00:01:34,200 A promotion. A present. 20 00:01:34,367 --> 00:01:37,677 But Sir Humphrey will tell Hacker he'd be crazy to do it. 21 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:40,964 Yes. Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes, 22 00:01:41,127 --> 00:01:42,799 I can hear him say. 23 00:01:42,967 --> 00:01:46,482 "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts," roughly translated. 24 00:01:46,647 --> 00:01:49,878 Humphrey would have put it in English for Hacker's benefit. 25 00:01:50,047 --> 00:01:52,163 Hacker went to the LSE. 26 00:01:52,647 --> 00:01:57,163 - So did I. - Oh, I am sorry. 27 00:01:58,687 --> 00:02:01,440 We must get an immediate commitment from Hacker 28 00:02:01,607 --> 00:02:03,359 before he talks to Humphrey. 29 00:02:03,527 --> 00:02:07,042 - Today? Now - Don't you think it’ll work? 30 00:02:07,207 --> 00:02:09,846 Flattering a politician? When's it ever failed? 31 00:02:11,167 --> 00:02:15,365 We'll offer to call him Transport Supremo, shall we? 32 00:02:15,527 --> 00:02:19,361 Yes, much more attractive than Transport Muggins! 33 00:02:22,327 --> 00:02:24,887 Ah, Jim! 34 00:02:25,047 --> 00:02:26,480 Hello, Mark. 35 00:02:28,287 --> 00:02:30,357 - Arnold. - Drink? 36 00:02:30,527 --> 00:02:32,438 Yes, thank you. 37 00:02:38,287 --> 00:02:41,882 - Everything all right? - Everything’s fine. 38 00:02:42,047 --> 00:02:43,082 We wanted... 39 00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:45,807 That is, the Prime Minister wanted 40 00:02:45,967 --> 00:02:48,117 the Cabinet Secretary and me 41 00:02:48,287 --> 00:02:50,596 to sound you out about something... 42 00:02:50,767 --> 00:02:53,804 something of an honour, I may say. 43 00:02:53,967 --> 00:02:57,755 Honour? You don't mean kicked up there? 44 00:02:57,927 --> 00:03:00,316 No, no. A real honour. 45 00:03:00,487 --> 00:03:03,479 A significant increase of responsibility. 46 00:03:03,647 --> 00:03:05,239 Now, what are your views 47 00:03:05,407 --> 00:03:08,399 on the integrated National Transport Policy? 48 00:03:08,567 --> 00:03:10,603 Er... I... I... 49 00:03:11,047 --> 00:03:13,322 Well, er... I... 50 00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:16,800 Go on. 51 00:03:17,687 --> 00:03:21,362 The PM has decided we need a national transport policy. 52 00:03:21,527 --> 00:03:24,246 Yes. Well. Why not? 53 00:03:25,327 --> 00:03:27,158 You're in favour? 54 00:03:34,087 --> 00:03:38,638 Public dissatisfaction with the nationalised transport industries 55 00:03:38,807 --> 00:03:43,119 Is now at a high enough level to worry the government, as you know. 56 00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,119 Can you go on? 57 00:03:48,287 --> 00:03:52,724 - No, we can't go on, not like this. - We need a policy. 58 00:03:52,887 --> 00:03:55,924 Not just blame the management if there's an R in the month 59 00:03:56,087 --> 00:03:58,078 and the unions the rest of the time. 60 00:03:58,247 --> 00:04:00,238 Unfortunately, they've got together. 61 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,762 Their line is It's the government's fault. 62 00:04:02,927 --> 00:04:07,205 Everything that goes wrong is the result of not having an integrated policy. 63 00:04:07,367 --> 00:04:10,643 - We did have a policy before. - Did we? 64 00:04:10,807 --> 00:04:13,799 Yes, it was our policy not to have a policy. 65 00:04:14,807 --> 00:04:18,197 Well, now the PM wants a positive policy. 66 00:04:18,367 --> 00:04:21,279 Oh, the PM. Yes, well, er... 67 00:04:21,447 --> 00:04:24,564 I couldn't agree more. I've always thought so. 68 00:04:24,727 --> 00:04:25,716 Good. 69 00:04:25,887 --> 00:04:28,481 Surely it’s a Ministry of Transport matter? 70 00:04:28,647 --> 00:04:30,000 No. 71 00:04:30,167 --> 00:04:33,239 Obviously the Transport Secretary would love the job, 72 00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:35,159 but he's too close to it all. 73 00:04:35,327 --> 00:04:39,206 - Can't see the wood for the trees. - It needs an open mind, uncluttered. 74 00:04:39,367 --> 00:04:44,202 So the PM has decided to appoint a supremo 75 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:48,280 to develop and implement a national transport policy. 76 00:04:48,447 --> 00:04:51,405 - Supremo? - A supremo. 77 00:04:51,567 --> 00:04:52,966 And... 78 00:04:56,127 --> 00:04:57,845 Exactly. 79 00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:00,920 It was agreed you had the most open mind. 80 00:05:01,087 --> 00:05:02,805 And the most uncluttered. 81 00:05:03,647 --> 00:05:07,606 Of course it’s a great honour and a responsibility. 82 00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:12,966 Er, but what... What sort of... Er... I mean... 83 00:05:13,127 --> 00:05:17,200 You mean what is required of an integrated transport policy minister? 84 00:05:17,367 --> 00:05:21,440 - it’s to help the consumer. - Very popular with the public. 85 00:05:21,607 --> 00:05:25,395 - Not that that would... - No, of course not. it’s my duty. 86 00:05:25,567 --> 00:05:29,526 The motorways were planned without reference to the railways, 87 00:05:29,687 --> 00:05:31,882 so there are great stretches of motorway 88 00:05:32,047 --> 00:05:34,515 running alongside already existing railways. 89 00:05:34,687 --> 00:05:38,919 - While other areas aren't served at all. - Quite. We knew you'd understand. 90 00:05:39,087 --> 00:05:41,999 - it’s really quite simple. - Yes. 91 00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:46,046 - Then there's through tickets. - Through tickets? 92 00:05:46,327 --> 00:05:49,239 If you want to commute from Henley to the City, 93 00:05:49,407 --> 00:05:52,046 you need one British Rail ticket to Paddington 94 00:05:52,207 --> 00:05:54,721 and then an Underground ticket to the Bank. 95 00:05:54,887 --> 00:05:56,286 Have you ever seen 96 00:05:56,447 --> 00:05:59,405 a combined bus and railway timetable? 97 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:02,525 Or ever seen a bus timetable in a railway station? 98 00:06:02,687 --> 00:06:05,645 Has a bus driver ever seen a bus timetable? 99 00:06:08,727 --> 00:06:11,195 There's a British Rail Western Region line 100 00:06:11,367 --> 00:06:13,927 running less than a mile north of Heathrow, 101 00:06:14,087 --> 00:06:15,918 but no link line. 102 00:06:16,087 --> 00:06:19,204 Bus and train services don't connect, all over London. 103 00:06:19,367 --> 00:06:22,165 And outside London there are problems. 104 00:06:22,327 --> 00:06:25,239 Probably. But we don't know about them. 105 00:06:26,647 --> 00:06:28,285 It's full of possibilities. 106 00:06:28,447 --> 00:06:32,076 You'd like me to discuss it with Humphrey and come back? 107 00:06:32,247 --> 00:06:35,205 There is much to discuss with Sir Humphrey, 108 00:06:35,367 --> 00:06:38,643 but we need an indication of your response now. 109 00:06:38,807 --> 00:06:41,879 The PM's car leaves for the airport in 30 minutes. 110 00:06:42,047 --> 00:06:43,366 The Ottawa conference. 111 00:06:43,527 --> 00:06:47,076 - Then the UN speech in New York. - Then Washington. 112 00:06:47,247 --> 00:06:51,718 Gosh, what a long trip. Who's gong to run the country 113 00:06:51,887 --> 00:06:54,196 Sorry, Arnold. Silly question. 114 00:06:55,167 --> 00:06:59,126 - So we can give the PM the good news? - There's a lot to put in hand. 115 00:06:59,287 --> 00:07:03,997 - Oh, yes. I'm on. - Splendid! Have another drink. 116 00:07:06,647 --> 00:07:09,286 - Ah, Minister. - Sorry I'm late. 117 00:07:09,447 --> 00:07:12,519 - Got some splendid news. - Indeed, Minister? 118 00:07:12,687 --> 00:07:16,236 - I have a new job. - The department will be sorry to lose you. 119 00:07:17,207 --> 00:07:19,516 No, I mean an extra job. 120 00:07:19,687 --> 00:07:21,120 I've been asked to develop 121 00:07:21,287 --> 00:07:24,836 an integrated national transport policy by the Prime Minister. 122 00:07:25,007 --> 00:07:27,726 I see. And what was the good news? 123 00:07:30,927 --> 00:07:32,440 That was the good news. 124 00:07:32,607 --> 00:07:36,282 Oh. Then how, if I may be so bold as to enquire, 125 00:07:36,447 --> 00:07:38,722 - would you describe bad news? - What? 126 00:07:38,887 --> 00:07:42,402 Do you realise what this job would mean if you accept it? 127 00:07:42,567 --> 00:07:44,603 - I have accepted it. - You've what? 128 00:07:45,527 --> 00:07:50,601 - I have accepted it. - Minister, you're not serious! 129 00:07:50,767 --> 00:07:53,520 Yes, it’s an honour. We need a transport policy. 130 00:07:53,687 --> 00:07:56,281 If by “we” you mean Britain, that's quite true. 131 00:07:56,447 --> 00:07:58,756 But if by “we” you mean this department, 132 00:07:58,927 --> 00:08:03,205 we need a transport policy like an aperture in the cranial cavity! 133 00:08:04,047 --> 00:08:05,799 It is a bed of nails! 134 00:08:05,967 --> 00:08:08,800 I know it may cause extra administrative duties. 135 00:08:08,967 --> 00:08:10,878 Minister, that is not the point. 136 00:08:11,047 --> 00:08:14,119 The reason there's no integrated transport policy 137 00:08:14,287 --> 00:08:18,360 Is that it’s in everybody's interest except the minister who creates it. 138 00:08:18,527 --> 00:08:19,596 Why? 139 00:08:20,607 --> 00:08:24,805 How can I put it in a manner which is close to your heart? 140 00:08:24,967 --> 00:08:29,643 - It is the ultimate vote loser. - Vote loser? 141 00:08:29,807 --> 00:08:33,117 Why do you think the Transport Secretary isn’t doling it? 142 00:08:33,287 --> 00:08:35,676 Why did he suggest the Lord Privy Seal? 143 00:08:35,847 --> 00:08:37,803 Why did the Lord Privy Seal suggest 144 00:08:37,967 --> 00:08:40,276 the Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, 145 00:08:40,447 --> 00:08:42,324 who suggested the President of the Council? 146 00:08:42,487 --> 00:08:43,886 I didn’t know this. 147 00:08:44,047 --> 00:08:47,801 And why did they invite you to No. 10 behind my back? 148 00:08:47,967 --> 00:08:52,199 This hideous appointment has been hurtling round Whitehall 149 00:08:52,367 --> 00:08:55,996 for three weeks like a grenade with the pin taken out! 150 00:08:57,527 --> 00:08:59,995 If I pull it off, It'll be a feather in my cap. 151 00:09:00,167 --> 00:09:04,046 If you pull it off, Minister, It won’t be in your cap any more. 152 00:09:04,207 --> 00:09:05,242 Thank you, Bernard. 153 00:09:05,407 --> 00:09:09,082 If you pull it off, no one will feel the benefits for ten years. 154 00:09:09,247 --> 00:09:11,886 Long before that, you and I will have moved on. 155 00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:13,316 Or up. 156 00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:15,478 - Or out. - Out? 157 00:09:15,647 --> 00:09:19,356 In the meantime, formulating policy means making choices. 158 00:09:19,527 --> 00:09:22,724 Once you do that, you please the people that you favour, 159 00:09:22,887 --> 00:09:24,605 but infuriate everybody else. 160 00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:27,281 One vote gained, ten lost. 161 00:09:27,447 --> 00:09:29,881 If you give the job to the road services, 162 00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:32,322 the rail board and unions will scream. 163 00:09:32,487 --> 00:09:35,718 Give it to the railways, the road lobby will massacre you. 164 00:09:35,887 --> 00:09:37,878 Cut British Airways Investment plans, 165 00:09:38,047 --> 00:09:41,244 they'll hold a devastating press conference that same day. 166 00:09:41,407 --> 00:09:43,637 But I'm gong to be Transport Supremo! 167 00:09:45,967 --> 00:09:49,960 I believe the Civil Service vernacular Is Transport Muggins! 168 00:09:50,687 --> 00:09:53,201 No, the Prime Minister has asked me 169 00:09:53,367 --> 00:09:56,598 to undertake this task, this necessary duty. 170 00:09:56,767 --> 00:10:00,157 After all, we must all endeavour to do our duty. 171 00:10:00,607 --> 00:10:04,043 Furthermore, Sir Mark thinks there may be votes in it. 172 00:10:04,207 --> 00:10:06,721 I won't look a gift horse in the mouth. 173 00:10:06,927 --> 00:10:09,839 You're looking a Trojan horse in the mouth! 174 00:10:10,247 --> 00:10:13,956 If we look closely at this gift horse we'll find it full of Trojans? 175 00:10:14,127 --> 00:10:16,846 If you'd looked a Trojan horse in the mouth, 176 00:10:17,007 --> 00:10:19,157 you'd have found Greeks inside. 177 00:10:19,727 --> 00:10:23,163 It was the Greeks who gave the Trojan horse to the Trojans. 178 00:10:23,327 --> 00:10:26,763 Technically, it wasn’t a Trojan horse but a Greek horse. 179 00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,361 Hence the tag Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes, 180 00:10:29,527 --> 00:10:30,642 which, you'll recall, 181 00:10:30,807 --> 00:10:33,480 Is usually and somewhat Inaccurately translated, 182 00:10:33,647 --> 00:10:35,319 "Beware Greeks bearing gifts," 183 00:10:35,487 --> 00:10:39,366 or doubtless you would have recalled had you not attended the LSE. 184 00:10:40,967 --> 00:10:44,562 Greek tags are all very well, but can we stick to the point? 185 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,877 - Yes... - Sorry, Greek tags? 186 00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:49,402 "Beware Greeks bearing gifts." 187 00:10:49,567 --> 00:10:51,364 The EEC equivalent would be, 188 00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:54,519 "Beware Greeks bearing an olive oil surplus"! 189 00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:57,724 - Excellent. - No, the point is, Minister, 190 00:10:57,887 --> 00:10:59,639 just as the Trojan horse was Greek, 191 00:10:59,807 --> 00:11:02,196 what you call a Greek tag Is, in fact, Latin. 192 00:11:02,367 --> 00:11:05,404 The Greeks wouldn't suggest bewaring of themselves, 193 00:11:05,567 --> 00:11:07,603 if one can use such a participle, 194 00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:10,725 and it’s clearly Latin not because "Timeo" ends in "o", 195 00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:13,276 as the Greek first person also ends in "o". 196 00:11:13,447 --> 00:11:17,679 No, there is a Greek word "Timao" meaning "I honour", 197 00:11:17,847 --> 00:11:20,486 but the "os" ending is a nominative singular termination 198 00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:24,401 of a second declension in Greek and an accusative plural in Latin, 199 00:11:24,567 --> 00:11:28,116 though actually Danaos Is not only the Greek for Greek, 200 00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:30,323 It's also the Latin for Greek. 201 00:11:32,287 --> 00:11:36,565 Yes, I take your point, Humphrey, but is it really as bad as that? 202 00:11:36,727 --> 00:11:38,604 Minister, perhaps... 203 00:11:38,767 --> 00:11:41,520 Perhaps you will allow me to prove it to you. 204 00:11:42,647 --> 00:11:45,798 I will arrange a preliminary conference for you 205 00:11:45,967 --> 00:11:49,880 with three Under-Secretaries from the Department of Transport, 206 00:11:50,047 --> 00:11:52,925 from the roads, rail and air transport divisions. 207 00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:54,315 What will that prove? 208 00:11:54,487 --> 00:11:57,445 It may illustrate some problems you will encounter. 209 00:11:57,607 --> 00:11:59,086 You may be right. 210 00:11:59,247 --> 00:12:03,479 But if I succeed, this could be my Falkland Islands. 211 00:12:03,647 --> 00:12:05,080 Yes. 212 00:12:05,847 --> 00:12:08,315 And you could be General Galtieri! 213 00:12:11,607 --> 00:12:14,758 With respect, I feel constrained to point out 214 00:12:14,927 --> 00:12:16,804 the proposal is deeply misguided. 215 00:12:16,967 --> 00:12:21,006 - So what do you suggest? - It should be government policy 216 00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:25,240 to designate road haulage as its principal means of freight transport. 217 00:12:25,407 --> 00:12:27,875 If I might crave your indulgence for a moment, 218 00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:31,676 I think such a policy would be, not to put too fine a point on it, 219 00:12:31,847 --> 00:12:33,405 unacceptably short-sighted. 220 00:12:33,567 --> 00:12:36,445 Rail transport must surely be the favoured carrier 221 00:12:36,607 --> 00:12:38,359 under any sane national policy. 222 00:12:38,527 --> 00:12:40,324 With the greatest respect, 223 00:12:40,487 --> 00:12:43,877 both those proposals are formulae for disaster. 224 00:12:44,047 --> 00:12:47,642 Long-term considerations mandate the increase of airfreight. 225 00:12:47,807 --> 00:12:50,799 If the minister wants a massive budget increase... 226 00:12:50,967 --> 00:12:54,357 If the minister accepts a long, bitter rail strike... 227 00:12:54,527 --> 00:12:58,645 If the minister can tolerate a massive rise in public discontent... 228 00:12:59,447 --> 00:13:00,846 Hold on! 229 00:13:01,007 --> 00:13:04,602 - We are the government, aren’t we? - Indeed you are, Minister. 230 00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:08,203 - So we're all on the same side. - Indeed, no question. 231 00:13:08,367 --> 00:13:10,198 Doling what's best for Britain. 232 00:13:10,367 --> 00:13:13,837 Is the end of the airfreight business best for Britain? 233 00:13:14,007 --> 00:13:17,636 How is Britain served by the destruction of the railways? 234 00:13:17,807 --> 00:13:21,641 How does Britain benefit from a deterioration of the road network? 235 00:13:21,807 --> 00:13:26,403 I want to examine policy options for the government's freight transport needs. 236 00:13:26,567 --> 00:13:28,717 I thought a preliminary discussion, 237 00:13:28,887 --> 00:13:32,800 a few friends around the table, a few positive suggestions... 238 00:13:32,967 --> 00:13:37,324 - An expansion of rail transport... - An expansion of motorway construction... 239 00:13:37,487 --> 00:13:42,197 - An expansion of airfreight capacity. - I need to achieve a reduction in costs. 240 00:13:42,367 --> 00:13:45,325 Then there is only one possible course. 241 00:13:45,487 --> 00:13:46,715 Indeed there is. 242 00:13:46,887 --> 00:13:49,196 And there's no doubt what it is. 243 00:13:49,927 --> 00:13:52,441 I always like to end on a note of agreement. 244 00:13:52,607 --> 00:13:53,960 Thank you, gentlemen. 245 00:13:54,127 --> 00:13:55,606 Minister. 246 00:13:55,767 --> 00:14:00,283 Perhaps we could discuss a date for our next meeting. This way, please. 247 00:14:01,767 --> 00:14:04,520 That was a very frank meeting. 248 00:14:04,687 --> 00:14:08,077 More than frank, Minister. Frank bordering on direct. 249 00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:10,681 The cleaners will mop up the blood tomorrow. 250 00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:12,600 Bernard, can you help me? 251 00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:15,759 - How, Minister? - Under-Secretaries are civil servants. 252 00:14:15,927 --> 00:14:19,078 But they behave like counsel briefed by the transport interests 253 00:14:19,247 --> 00:14:20,566 to defeat the government. 254 00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:23,321 - That's right. - No, Bernard, that's wrong. 255 00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:24,636 That's how it works. 256 00:14:24,807 --> 00:14:29,039 Each department is controlled by the people it’s supposed to control. 257 00:14:29,207 --> 00:14:30,322 How do you mean? 258 00:14:30,487 --> 00:14:33,479 Why do we have comprehensive education? 259 00:14:33,647 --> 00:14:36,480 - Who wanted it? Pupils, parents? - Not really. 260 00:14:36,647 --> 00:14:38,842 The National Union of Teachers, 261 00:14:39,007 --> 00:14:41,521 the chief client of the Department of Education, 262 00:14:41,687 --> 00:14:43,279 so the DES went comprehensive. 263 00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:45,563 Departments act for the powerful interest 264 00:14:45,727 --> 00:14:48,116 with whom they have a permanent relationship. 265 00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:51,438 The Department of Employment lobbies for the TUC. 266 00:14:51,607 --> 00:14:55,600 The Department of Industry lobbies for the employers. it’s a nice balance. 267 00:14:55,767 --> 00:14:57,405 Energy lobbies for oil companies, 268 00:14:57,567 --> 00:15:00,877 Defence for the armed forces, the Home Office for the police. 269 00:15:01,047 --> 00:15:04,960 So the system alms to stop the Cabinet carrying out its policies? 270 00:15:05,127 --> 00:15:07,357 Well, somebody's got to! 271 00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:11,717 So formulating a national transport policy 272 00:15:11,887 --> 00:15:14,799 means fighting not just the transport industry 273 00:15:14,967 --> 00:15:18,039 but the entire Civil Servlce as well? 274 00:15:18,847 --> 00:15:22,635 Shouldn't the Civil Servlce help the government carry out its wishes? 275 00:15:22,807 --> 00:15:26,686 Well, as long as the government's wishes are practicable. 276 00:15:26,847 --> 00:15:27,882 Meaning? 277 00:15:28,047 --> 00:15:30,607 As long as the Civil Servlce agrees with them! 278 00:15:31,807 --> 00:15:33,957 Useful meeting, Minister. 279 00:15:34,847 --> 00:15:36,599 All right, Humphrey. 280 00:15:37,767 --> 00:15:38,882 You win. 281 00:15:41,487 --> 00:15:44,763 - What do I win? - We must get out of our commitments. 282 00:15:44,927 --> 00:15:48,556 Clearly the title Transport Supremo Is not worth having. 283 00:15:48,727 --> 00:15:51,321 We must change the Prime Minister's mind. 284 00:15:51,487 --> 00:15:52,806 Is that "we" plural, 285 00:15:52,967 --> 00:15:56,596 or do supremos now use the royal pronoun? 286 00:15:57,447 --> 00:15:59,119 I mean both of us, Humphrey, 287 00:15:59,287 --> 00:16:01,482 unless you want the DAA saddled with this. 288 00:16:02,647 --> 00:16:04,399 So, what are you suggesting? 289 00:16:04,567 --> 00:16:08,242 Bernard, find a map of the PM's constituency. 290 00:16:08,407 --> 00:16:11,399 - Humphrey, I need some advice. - Yes, Minister? 291 00:16:11,567 --> 00:16:14,957 Could the formulation of a national transport policy 292 00:16:15,127 --> 00:16:17,436 have unwanted local repercussions? 293 00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:21,400 Er, yes, indeed, Minister. 294 00:16:21,567 --> 00:16:23,683 Even in a constituency represented 295 00:16:23,847 --> 00:16:26,281 by a very senior member of the government, 296 00:16:26,447 --> 00:16:29,280 the most senior member of the government? 297 00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:30,800 Deeply embarrassing! 298 00:16:30,967 --> 00:16:34,277 Here's the street map and the directory. 299 00:16:34,447 --> 00:16:35,516 Splendid. 300 00:16:35,687 --> 00:16:38,520 This is the Prime Minister's constituency, isn’t it? 301 00:16:38,687 --> 00:16:40,325 Oh, look, a park! 302 00:16:43,007 --> 00:16:45,077 Near the station. 303 00:16:45,247 --> 00:16:47,715 One requirement of a transport policy 304 00:16:47,887 --> 00:16:51,641 Is to bring bus stations nearer to railway stations. 305 00:16:51,807 --> 00:16:53,843 But that would mean building on the park. 306 00:16:54,007 --> 00:16:55,076 Alas, yes. 307 00:16:56,087 --> 00:16:58,601 Somebody has to suffer in the national interest. 308 00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,120 Take a note, Bernard. 309 00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:03,836 Bus station to be moved into Queen Charlotte's Park. 310 00:17:04,407 --> 00:17:07,843 Oh, Minister, there's a big bus repair shop. 311 00:17:08,007 --> 00:17:11,556 Isn't it economic to amalgamate the bus and train repairs? 312 00:17:11,727 --> 00:17:13,319 Absolutely. Big saving. 313 00:17:13,487 --> 00:17:16,240 Bus repair shop to be closed, Bernard. 314 00:17:16,407 --> 00:17:19,524 This is commuter country, what about that? 315 00:17:19,687 --> 00:17:21,882 Commuter trains run at a loss. 316 00:17:22,047 --> 00:17:24,277 They're only really used at rush hours. 317 00:17:24,447 --> 00:17:27,166 So commuters are, in effect, subsidised. 318 00:17:27,327 --> 00:17:31,400 - Isn't that unfair on the others? - it’s a great injustice. 319 00:17:31,567 --> 00:17:34,764 Commuters to pay full economic fares, Bernard. 320 00:17:35,407 --> 00:17:37,796 Mind, that'll double the price of tickets. 321 00:17:37,967 --> 00:17:40,640 Can't make an omelette without breaking eggs! 322 00:17:40,807 --> 00:17:43,640 There are quite a few railway stations in this area. 323 00:17:43,807 --> 00:17:46,480 - British Rail and Underground. - Yes? 324 00:17:47,127 --> 00:17:50,836 One view is that areas with reasonable rail services 325 00:17:51,007 --> 00:17:53,885 don't need an evening bus servlce too. 326 00:17:54,047 --> 00:17:56,322 Avery persuasive view, to my mind. 327 00:17:56,487 --> 00:17:59,081 All bus services to cease after6.30pm. 328 00:18:01,287 --> 00:18:02,481 What about this space 329 00:18:02,647 --> 00:18:05,161 when the bus station’s moved to the park? 330 00:18:05,327 --> 00:18:10,242 Well, the area's very short of parking space for container lorries... 331 00:18:11,567 --> 00:18:13,319 especially at night. 332 00:18:13,807 --> 00:18:17,516 Container lorry park on bus station site, Bernard. 333 00:18:17,687 --> 00:18:20,724 Won't that mean widening this access road? 334 00:18:20,887 --> 00:18:22,002 Yes, indeed. 335 00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:25,603 We'll have to take away the western half of the swimming baths. 336 00:18:25,767 --> 00:18:27,564 I'm afraid so. 337 00:18:27,727 --> 00:18:31,879 These are just the local implications of a broad national policy. 338 00:18:32,047 --> 00:18:33,765 Exactly, Minister. 339 00:18:33,927 --> 00:18:37,602 Even so, I ought to write a paper to the Prime Minister personally. 340 00:18:37,767 --> 00:18:40,804 He'd like to know the constituency implications. 341 00:18:40,967 --> 00:18:42,878 As a loyal Cabinet member, 342 00:18:43,047 --> 00:18:46,403 I owe that to the PM amongst other things! 343 00:18:46,927 --> 00:18:50,886 Mind you, it would be awful if the press got hold of this. 344 00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:53,242 With so many other boroughs threatened, 345 00:18:53,407 --> 00:18:55,045 there'd be a national outcry. 346 00:18:55,207 --> 00:18:58,119 Is there a danger of them getting hold of it? 347 00:18:58,287 --> 00:19:01,324 They're very clever at getting hold of things. 348 00:19:01,487 --> 00:19:05,196 - Especially if there are lots of copies. - Oh, dear! 349 00:19:05,367 --> 00:19:08,598 I shall have to make copies for my Cabinet colleagues. 350 00:19:08,767 --> 00:19:12,806 Their own constituencies will be affected in due course. 351 00:19:12,967 --> 00:19:15,720 And if it were leaked, with so many copies, 352 00:19:15,887 --> 00:19:18,560 no one would ever discover who leaked it. 353 00:19:19,967 --> 00:19:22,197 It so happens I'm having lunch today 354 00:19:22,367 --> 00:19:24,403 with Peter Maxwell of The Times. 355 00:19:24,567 --> 00:19:25,682 Excellent! 356 00:19:26,487 --> 00:19:29,718 Don't do anything I wouldn't do. 357 00:19:30,767 --> 00:19:32,883 You can trust me, Minister! 358 00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:41,157 I'm sure you've heard rumours, Peter, 359 00:19:41,327 --> 00:19:43,557 of this integrated transport policy. 360 00:19:43,727 --> 00:19:47,800 - That old chestnut coming up again? - Yes, but in an interesting form. 361 00:19:47,967 --> 00:19:50,640 The policy may have unwelcome side effects. 362 00:19:50,807 --> 00:19:51,842 Such as? 363 00:19:52,007 --> 00:19:55,079 Job loss from integration of bus and rail terminals, 364 00:19:55,247 --> 00:19:57,886 job loss from joint repair shops, 365 00:19:58,047 --> 00:20:01,039 job loss from streamlining of buses and trains, 366 00:20:01,447 --> 00:20:04,041 and reduction of services, causing job loss. 367 00:20:05,487 --> 00:20:07,557 That's just for starters. 368 00:20:08,327 --> 00:20:11,637 If this is being seriously proposed, It's quite a story. 369 00:20:11,807 --> 00:20:14,719 - Even more interesting than you think. - How's that? 370 00:20:15,487 --> 00:20:17,398 One of the areas to suffer most 371 00:20:17,567 --> 00:20:20,081 Is the Prime Minister's own constituency. 372 00:20:20,647 --> 00:20:22,444 Have you any hard facts? 373 00:20:23,887 --> 00:20:25,957 Dear Peter, what a question! 374 00:20:26,127 --> 00:20:28,766 Newspapers aren't like the government. 375 00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:32,124 If we make statements, we have to prove them. 376 00:20:33,087 --> 00:20:37,478 Got something in writing? There always is in the Civil Servlce. 377 00:20:38,287 --> 00:20:42,041 Only a confidential note from my minister to the Prime Minister 378 00:20:42,207 --> 00:20:46,962 and a similar note from my minister to all 22 of his Cabinet colleagues. 379 00:20:48,007 --> 00:20:49,884 Oh, that's all right, then. 380 00:20:50,047 --> 00:20:54,404 Will you show it to me or shall I get it from one of the others? 381 00:20:54,567 --> 00:20:57,081 Peter, it’s a confidential document. 382 00:20:57,247 --> 00:21:01,286 It would be grossly improper of me to betray it to anyone 383 00:21:01,447 --> 00:21:03,802 - let alone a journalist. - Of course. 384 00:21:03,967 --> 00:21:06,356 The only way you'd get hold of a copy 385 00:21:06,527 --> 00:21:10,202 Is if someone were to leave it lying around by mistake. 386 00:21:10,367 --> 00:21:11,880 I see. 387 00:21:12,047 --> 00:21:14,959 Oh, well, back to the grindstone. 388 00:21:17,007 --> 00:21:20,522 Well, nice to talk, Peter. Thank you for the lunch. 389 00:21:20,687 --> 00:21:22,678 - Thank you. - Goodbye. 390 00:21:26,847 --> 00:21:29,839 Oh, Humphrey, you are so careless! 391 00:21:35,687 --> 00:21:38,281 Ah, Jim. Thanks for dropping in. 392 00:21:38,447 --> 00:21:43,123 I thought I ought to tell you that the PM isn’t very pleased. 393 00:21:43,287 --> 00:21:46,518 - Oh, not pleased? - Not pleased. 394 00:21:47,527 --> 00:21:52,157 - This story in last Tuesday's Times. - Yes, terrible. I'm not pleased either. 395 00:21:53,047 --> 00:21:55,800 - There's obviously been a leak. - Obviously. 396 00:21:55,967 --> 00:22:00,085 - Can't even trust Cabinet colleagues. - What are you suggesting? 397 00:22:00,247 --> 00:22:02,920 Well, it might not have been one of them. 398 00:22:03,087 --> 00:22:05,476 I sent a copy of my paper here to No. 10. 399 00:22:05,647 --> 00:22:08,241 You don't think there's a leak here, do you? 400 00:22:08,407 --> 00:22:13,003 - The PM's office does not leak! - Of course not. Perish the thought! 401 00:22:13,167 --> 00:22:15,806 It wasn’t just the leak that was disturbing. 402 00:22:15,967 --> 00:22:19,118 It was the misleading Implications of the proposals. 403 00:22:19,287 --> 00:22:22,199 No, not misleading. Have you read my paper? 404 00:22:22,367 --> 00:22:24,005 Have you read mine? 405 00:22:28,967 --> 00:22:32,004 This is the paper from the PM's constituency. 406 00:22:32,167 --> 00:22:33,486 I believe it is. 407 00:22:34,567 --> 00:22:38,196 "PM steps in to stop transport reorganisation proposals. 408 00:22:39,007 --> 00:22:41,237 Rumours that services and jobs were threatened 409 00:22:41,407 --> 00:22:44,285 in this constituency were scotched today. 410 00:22:44,447 --> 00:22:47,120 Apparently the PM has given a firm direction 411 00:22:47,287 --> 00:22:49,881 to Transport Supremo designate Jim Hacker." 412 00:22:50,047 --> 00:22:53,198 - I haven't heard from the PM. - You have now! 413 00:22:54,407 --> 00:22:58,605 I'm afraid this leak, wherever It comes from, is a verbatim report 414 00:22:58,767 --> 00:23:02,806 of a confidential minute dictated by the PM in Ottawa. 415 00:23:03,767 --> 00:23:08,682 So, the national transport policy will need some re-thinking! 416 00:23:10,167 --> 00:23:11,919 It will be difficult. 417 00:23:12,087 --> 00:23:16,080 The PM feels it’s the difficult jobs that the ministers are there for, 418 00:23:16,247 --> 00:23:18,841 assuming they wish to remain as ministers. 419 00:23:19,007 --> 00:23:20,520 Yes, well, of course. 420 00:23:21,207 --> 00:23:23,596 - If it needs, er... - Rethinking. 421 00:23:23,767 --> 00:23:26,361 Rethinking, then of course I shall rethink. 422 00:23:26,527 --> 00:23:27,926 Good. 423 00:23:28,087 --> 00:23:31,682 But how did this get into the PM's own local paper? 424 00:23:31,847 --> 00:23:36,637 I don't know. But the PM's office does not leak. 425 00:23:39,007 --> 00:23:42,841 Shocking, though, isn’t it? You can't trust anyone nowadays. 426 00:23:46,127 --> 00:23:48,800 Back to square one. Well, that's all right. 427 00:23:48,967 --> 00:23:50,605 It is not all right. 428 00:23:51,007 --> 00:23:53,282 I'm still stuck with this ghastly job. 429 00:23:53,447 --> 00:23:55,358 No, Minister, it is excellent news. 430 00:23:55,527 --> 00:23:58,087 We now present our other kind of non-proposal. 431 00:23:58,247 --> 00:24:01,125 - What other kind? - The high cost, high staff kind. 432 00:24:01,287 --> 00:24:05,121 We now propose a British National Transport Authority 433 00:24:05,287 --> 00:24:08,165 with a full structure, regional board, area council, 434 00:24:08,327 --> 00:24:10,682 local office, liaison committee, the lot. 435 00:24:10,847 --> 00:24:13,645 80,000 staff, billion-a-year budget. 436 00:24:14,327 --> 00:24:16,397 The Treasury will have a fit! 437 00:24:17,247 --> 00:24:20,876 The whole thing will go back to the Department of Transport. 438 00:24:21,047 --> 00:24:24,835 Great. Could you do me a paper on this, Humphrey, 439 00:24:25,007 --> 00:24:29,478 with full staff and costing details and a specimen annual budget? 440 00:24:34,247 --> 00:24:37,205 There's a one-page summary on the front. 441 00:24:37,607 --> 00:24:41,043 - Humphrey, you're marvellous. - it’s nothing, really. 442 00:24:41,207 --> 00:24:44,643 I say, what if the press should get hold of this! 443 00:24:47,287 --> 00:24:49,755 They'd have to have another leak enquiry. 444 00:24:49,927 --> 00:24:52,077 Will they really set up an enquiry 445 00:24:52,247 --> 00:24:54,636 - Bound to. - Won't that be embarrassing? 446 00:24:54,807 --> 00:24:57,924 No, no, no. That's what leak enquires are for. 447 00:24:59,007 --> 00:25:01,965 Setting up. They don't actually conduct them. 448 00:25:02,127 --> 00:25:04,721 Members may be appointed, but they'll never meet, 449 00:25:04,887 --> 00:25:06,366 and certainly never report. 450 00:25:06,527 --> 00:25:10,042 How many leak enquires can you recall that named the culprit? 451 00:25:10,207 --> 00:25:14,166 - In round figures. - If you want it in round figures... 452 00:25:14,327 --> 00:25:17,080 - None. - They never report. 453 00:25:17,247 --> 00:25:20,523 If the culprit is a civil servant, It'd be unfair to publish. 454 00:25:20,687 --> 00:25:22,086 Politicians take the rap. 455 00:25:22,247 --> 00:25:24,238 If it’s a politician, you can't publish 456 00:25:24,407 --> 00:25:26,921 or he’ll disclose other leaks by his colleagues. 457 00:25:27,087 --> 00:25:29,123 But chiefly they can't publish 458 00:25:29,287 --> 00:25:31,801 because most leaks come from No. 10. 459 00:25:32,767 --> 00:25:34,405 The ship of state, Bernard, 460 00:25:34,567 --> 00:25:37,161 Is the only ship that leaks from the top. 461 00:25:38,087 --> 00:25:42,046 So, if the problem is a leaky PM, 462 00:25:42,207 --> 00:25:44,926 as in this case, the facts are difficult to get at 463 00:25:45,087 --> 00:25:47,043 and impossible to publish if you do! 464 00:25:47,727 --> 00:25:51,686 May I remind you, a gentleman from the press is waiting. 465 00:25:51,847 --> 00:25:54,919 - Ah, yes. - I'll leave you, Minister. 466 00:25:55,087 --> 00:25:57,647 - Oh, er, Humphrey... - Minister? 467 00:25:58,527 --> 00:26:01,997 Have you got another copy of these new proposals? 468 00:26:02,167 --> 00:26:03,236 Of course! 469 00:26:04,487 --> 00:26:08,116 - There. - Because I'm awfully absent-minded. 470 00:26:08,287 --> 00:26:11,962 I'm always leaving documents lying around... 471 00:26:13,487 --> 00:26:16,047 forgetting where I've put them. 472 00:26:17,287 --> 00:26:20,085 I do understand, Minister! 473 00:26:21,087 --> 00:26:25,205 Another leak. This is extremely serious. 474 00:26:25,367 --> 00:26:26,686 Yes, indeed. 475 00:26:27,487 --> 00:26:30,524 This is almost approaching a disciplinary level. 476 00:26:30,687 --> 00:26:34,157 - I so agree, don't you, Humphrey? - Indeed, Minister. 477 00:26:34,327 --> 00:26:36,522 If only we could find the culprits. 478 00:26:36,687 --> 00:26:38,882 It would be a most serious matter. 479 00:26:39,047 --> 00:26:40,924 Perhaps I can help there. 480 00:26:42,247 --> 00:26:45,523 I think that if I were to use my influence, 481 00:26:45,687 --> 00:26:48,565 I could achieve a disclosure from The Times 482 00:26:48,727 --> 00:26:51,639 of how they got hold of your original plan. 483 00:26:52,887 --> 00:26:54,957 - Oh? - Really? 484 00:26:55,727 --> 00:26:59,402 - I might be able to help there, too. - Indeed? 485 00:26:59,567 --> 00:27:02,286 - Are you sure, Minister? - Oh, yes. 486 00:27:02,447 --> 00:27:06,235 I'm confident I can find out where the press got the leak 487 00:27:06,407 --> 00:27:09,080 about the PM's opposition to our plan. 488 00:27:10,327 --> 00:27:14,206 If it transpired the leak came from the Prime Minister's own office 489 00:27:14,367 --> 00:27:18,724 that'd be even more serious than a leak from a Cabinet Minister's office. 490 00:27:18,887 --> 00:27:21,765 I mean, the security implications alone... 491 00:27:24,647 --> 00:27:27,878 Perhaps we should call in the police or MI5. 492 00:27:28,047 --> 00:27:29,924 MI5, good idea, Minister. 493 00:27:30,087 --> 00:27:33,363 A leak from the Prime Minister's office Is very serious. 494 00:27:33,527 --> 00:27:38,203 Nevertheless, our first priority must be to investigate the original leak. 495 00:27:38,367 --> 00:27:42,758 Surely we should first investigate a possible leak from No. 10. 496 00:27:43,527 --> 00:27:47,600 In all events, the inevitable public outcry after all these leaks 497 00:27:47,767 --> 00:27:50,918 will make it awfully difficult for us to formulate 498 00:27:51,087 --> 00:27:54,318 an integrated national transport policy in the DAA. 499 00:27:54,487 --> 00:27:57,718 The time is unripe, the cellmate is unsuitable. 500 00:27:57,887 --> 00:28:00,082 The atmosphere is unfavourable. 501 00:28:00,247 --> 00:28:03,364 Our only avenues of approach are now blocked. 502 00:28:05,327 --> 00:28:06,840 I wonder... 503 00:28:07,647 --> 00:28:10,559 If it might not be wiser to take the whole matter 504 00:28:10,727 --> 00:28:12,957 back to the Department of Transport? 505 00:28:13,927 --> 00:28:19,559 - That, Arnold, is a brilliant idea. - I wish I'd thought of that. 506 00:28:21,207 --> 00:28:24,722 - There remains the question of the leaks. - Indeed. 507 00:28:24,887 --> 00:28:28,766 I feel we ought to treat this with the utmost gravity. 508 00:28:28,927 --> 00:28:31,805 - I think I have a solution. - Indeed? 509 00:28:31,967 --> 00:28:34,720 Will we recommend to the Prime Minister 510 00:28:34,887 --> 00:28:37,799 that we set up an immediate leak enquiry 511 00:28:38,767 --> 00:28:40,359 Yes, Minister!