1 00:00:57,287 --> 00:01:00,803 Bernard, is it important? I must finish these Defence papers. 2 00:01:00,967 --> 00:01:03,561 - This is more urgent, Minister. - What is it? 3 00:01:03,727 --> 00:01:08,164 Your Christmas cards, Minister. They can't be postponed any longer. 4 00:01:09,447 --> 00:01:12,086 - Which is which? - They're labelled. 5 00:01:12,247 --> 00:01:14,203 These you sign Jim; these Jim Hacker; 6 00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:16,927 these Jim and Annie; these Annie and Jim Hacker; 7 00:01:17,087 --> 00:01:19,920 - these Love from Annie and Jim. - And those? 8 00:01:20,087 --> 00:01:22,965 Those are printed and those have cyclostyled signatures 9 00:01:23,127 --> 00:01:24,765 so you needn't write anything. 10 00:01:24,927 --> 00:01:27,316 Make sure none of them should have been 11 00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:29,637 personally signed Jim or Jim Hacker 12 00:01:29,807 --> 00:01:33,720 or Jim and Annie or Annie and Jim Hacker or Love from Annie and Jim. 13 00:01:33,887 --> 00:01:35,161 What about those? 14 00:01:35,327 --> 00:01:38,524 Constituency cards. Your agent left them. 15 00:01:38,687 --> 00:01:40,678 As you see, they've been divided up. 16 00:01:40,847 --> 00:01:43,884 Those you sign Jim; those Jim Hacker; those Jim and... 17 00:01:44,047 --> 00:01:47,039 Thank you, Bernard! I think I've got the gist. 18 00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:50,483 - Is that it? - Apart from the ones at Party HQ. 19 00:01:50,647 --> 00:01:54,845 - Party HQ? I didn’t do those last year. - You weren't Party Chairman last year. 20 00:01:55,007 --> 00:01:57,919 Oh. Do I have to send this one? 21 00:01:58,087 --> 00:02:01,159 - Why not? - it’s to Maurice in Brussels. 22 00:02:01,327 --> 00:02:04,956 He forced through the plan to standardise the Euro sausage. 23 00:02:05,127 --> 00:02:06,958 Euro sausage? 24 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:11,006 Next year we’ll be waving goodbye to the good old British sausage, 25 00:02:11,167 --> 00:02:15,843 forced to accept some foreign muck like salami or bratwurst or something. 26 00:02:16,007 --> 00:02:18,646 They can't stop us eating the British sausage! 27 00:02:18,807 --> 00:02:21,002 They can stop us calling it a sausage. 28 00:02:21,167 --> 00:02:24,159 It'll be called the emulsified high-fat offal tube! 29 00:02:26,487 --> 00:02:28,682 And you swallowed it? 30 00:02:29,727 --> 00:02:34,039 It's my job to implement EEC regulations. It could finish my career. 31 00:02:34,207 --> 00:02:36,516 What have they got against our sausage? 32 00:02:36,687 --> 00:02:39,281 Don't you ever read the papers you give me? 33 00:02:39,447 --> 00:02:42,086 I glanced at it, but it rather put me off. 34 00:02:42,247 --> 00:02:45,045 Apparently, there's not enough meat in it. 35 00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:50,804 "The average British sausage consists of 32.5% fat, 6.5% rind, 36 00:02:50,967 --> 00:02:56,041 20% water, 10% rusk, 5% seasoning, preservative and colouring 37 00:02:56,207 --> 00:02:58,482 and only 26% meat, 38 00:02:58,647 --> 00:03:02,799 which is mostly gristle, head meat, other offcuts 39 00:03:02,967 --> 00:03:05,686 and mechanically-recovered meat... 40 00:03:05,847 --> 00:03:08,361 steamed off the carcasses." 41 00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:12,559 I don't feel particularly... I had one... 42 00:03:12,727 --> 00:03:15,036 I had one for breakfast. 43 00:03:15,207 --> 00:03:17,960 Perhaps the EEC commissioner Is right. 44 00:03:18,127 --> 00:03:22,006 He may be, but it’ll be extremely unpopular with the voters. 45 00:03:22,167 --> 00:03:25,557 We shall just have to grit our teeth and bite on the bullet. 46 00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:28,366 You can't bite a bullet when gritting your teeth. 47 00:03:28,527 --> 00:03:30,722 If you do that, you can't get a bullet... 48 00:03:30,887 --> 00:03:32,206 Sorry. 49 00:03:32,367 --> 00:03:34,722 By the way, you were gong to advise me 50 00:03:34,887 --> 00:03:37,606 what presents to get for the private office. 51 00:03:37,767 --> 00:03:41,680 That's up to you. Bottles of sherry for the assistant secretaries, 52 00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:46,125 large boxes of mints for the diary and correspondence secretary 53 00:03:46,287 --> 00:03:49,085 and small boxes of mints for the rest. 54 00:03:49,247 --> 00:03:52,045 - And my Personal Private Secretary - That's me. 55 00:03:52,727 --> 00:03:55,878 Ah, yes, of course! What should I give you? 56 00:03:56,047 --> 00:03:58,607 You don't have to give me anything. 57 00:03:58,767 --> 00:04:01,725 - I know, but I'd like to. - Oh, Minister... 58 00:04:01,887 --> 00:04:05,004 - Well, anything, really. - Such as? 59 00:04:05,167 --> 00:04:07,601 Well, really I would like a surprise. 60 00:04:10,527 --> 00:04:13,121 What sort of surprise should I give you? 61 00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:15,847 A bottle of champagne Is the customary surprise. 62 00:04:17,367 --> 00:04:21,406 - What time is my meeting with Humphrey? - That's been cancelled. 63 00:04:21,567 --> 00:04:25,526 Sir Humphrey had an urgent meeting with the Cabinet Secretary. 64 00:04:25,687 --> 00:04:29,760 The Cabinet Secretary. Always makes me feel rather nervous. 65 00:04:29,927 --> 00:04:34,045 In some ways, Sir Arnold is the most powerful chap in the country. 66 00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:37,643 Permanent access to the PM, controls Cabinet agenda, 67 00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:40,364 controls access to everything. 68 00:04:40,527 --> 00:04:41,960 I wonder what he's up to? 69 00:04:45,927 --> 00:04:47,838 - By the way, Humphrey... - Yes? 70 00:04:48,007 --> 00:04:50,760 I've decided to retire early. 71 00:04:50,927 --> 00:04:53,316 Oh! Have you, Arnold? 72 00:04:54,007 --> 00:04:55,645 in the New Year. 73 00:05:00,407 --> 00:05:02,682 My successor has to be someone 74 00:05:02,847 --> 00:05:05,680 who can be firm with our political masters. 75 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:08,680 Absolutely. No nonsense with that lot! 76 00:05:08,847 --> 00:05:11,600 - But tactful... - Exactly. 77 00:05:11,767 --> 00:05:16,397 - Suave, charming, emollient... - And above all, sound. 78 00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:19,001 Sound? Oh, yes, sound. 79 00:05:19,167 --> 00:05:23,001 So my duty is to convey a recommendation to the Prime Minister 80 00:05:23,167 --> 00:05:26,318 as to which of the present Permanent Secretaries 81 00:05:26,487 --> 00:05:28,955 best meets these stringent criteria. 82 00:05:31,887 --> 00:05:34,003 And, er... 83 00:05:35,167 --> 00:05:39,604 Have you, er... Er, er, is there, er... Does anyone, er... 84 00:05:39,767 --> 00:05:44,079 In this job, the problem Isn't really finding the answers, 85 00:05:44,247 --> 00:05:46,317 It's finding the questions. 86 00:05:46,487 --> 00:05:50,116 We need the man who can find the key question. 87 00:05:57,127 --> 00:06:00,597 By the way, Arnold, to change the subject completely, 88 00:06:00,767 --> 00:06:05,557 - what will you be doling when you retire? - Ah, very good question! 89 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:10,242 - Very good question. - There might be jobs you could pick up, 90 00:06:10,407 --> 00:06:12,398 ways you could serve the country, 91 00:06:12,567 --> 00:06:15,127 which your successor, whoever he might be, 92 00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:18,404 could put your way, er, persuade you to undertake! 93 00:06:19,767 --> 00:06:21,723 I had been giving it some thought. 94 00:06:21,887 --> 00:06:24,321 I'll be chairman of the Banque Occidentale 95 00:06:24,487 --> 00:06:28,321 and there'll be directorships of IBM and BP and so on. 96 00:06:28,487 --> 00:06:30,682 - But I was thinking... - Yes? 97 00:06:30,847 --> 00:06:35,079 The Chairmanship of the Opera House Trust will be coming up next year. 98 00:06:35,247 --> 00:06:40,446 - Chairman of Covent Garden... - And the chancellorship of Oxford. 99 00:06:40,607 --> 00:06:44,486 The deputy chairmanship of the Bank of England would be a... 100 00:06:44,647 --> 00:06:48,435 - A challenge? - A challenge, exactly. 101 00:06:48,607 --> 00:06:51,360 And head of the Security Commission. 102 00:06:51,527 --> 00:06:56,043 The presidency of the Anglo-Caribbean Association would give one... 103 00:06:57,207 --> 00:06:59,357 a chance to be of servlce. 104 00:06:59,527 --> 00:07:01,119 Precisely! 105 00:07:01,647 --> 00:07:04,115 Especially during the winter months. 106 00:07:06,127 --> 00:07:09,915 I'm sure any successor worth his salt could arrange these. 107 00:07:10,087 --> 00:07:13,875 Do you think so? That's very reassuring, very reassuring. 108 00:07:14,047 --> 00:07:16,641 But there is another thing. 109 00:07:16,807 --> 00:07:20,402 Certain advice one may have given the Prime Minister could, 110 00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:22,637 If it emerged, be misinterpreted. 111 00:07:22,807 --> 00:07:26,766 - Er, what sort of advice? - All sensible and reasonable, 112 00:07:26,927 --> 00:07:30,078 but advice about using troops during strikes. 113 00:07:30,247 --> 00:07:33,398 Avery sensible precaution that they should be armed, 114 00:07:33,567 --> 00:07:37,446 but, taken out of context, machlne guns... 115 00:07:37,607 --> 00:07:40,724 Oh, I'm sure that need never come out. 116 00:07:40,887 --> 00:07:43,845 And I did suggest negotiations with South Africa 117 00:07:44,007 --> 00:07:46,840 about reactivating the Simonstown naval base. 118 00:07:47,007 --> 00:07:49,805 Absolutely sensible strategically, of course, 119 00:07:49,967 --> 00:07:52,197 and a great help with the Falklands, 120 00:07:52,367 --> 00:07:53,925 but if one were in line 121 00:07:54,087 --> 00:07:56,965 for Secretary-General of the Commonwealth... 122 00:07:57,127 --> 00:07:59,163 Embarrassing. And you would be in line 123 00:07:59,327 --> 00:08:01,761 to be Secretary-General of the Commonwealth. 124 00:08:01,927 --> 00:08:04,361 Would I? How gratifying! 125 00:08:05,007 --> 00:08:09,046 And I'm sure that the right successor would see no problem 126 00:08:09,207 --> 00:08:11,721 in keeping those files under wraps. 127 00:08:12,127 --> 00:08:13,242 Good. 128 00:08:13,407 --> 00:08:15,967 Anyway, to get back to our original point, 129 00:08:16,127 --> 00:08:19,278 I think my colleagues and I can see our way forward 130 00:08:19,447 --> 00:08:21,881 to placing your name top of the list. 131 00:08:22,767 --> 00:08:24,200 I see. 132 00:08:25,407 --> 00:08:30,037 May I ask how many other names will be on the list? 133 00:08:30,207 --> 00:08:33,643 Oh, I don't think there's anyone else who's up to scratch. 134 00:08:33,807 --> 00:08:36,002 Have another drink. 135 00:08:36,967 --> 00:08:39,720 By the way, I've accepted the presidency 136 00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:42,924 of the Campaign for Freedom of Information. 137 00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:47,365 Freedom of Information? What on earth for? 138 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,995 Well, it’s very popular with the Opposition, 139 00:08:50,167 --> 00:08:52,920 and today's Opposition Is tomorrow's government, 140 00:08:53,087 --> 00:08:57,205 and it will mean one can ensure that the freedom is not abused. 141 00:08:58,367 --> 00:09:02,679 So, here's to the continuity of sound government. 142 00:09:02,847 --> 00:09:05,486 And freedom of information. 143 00:09:05,647 --> 00:09:09,356 - Whenever it’s in the national interest. - Oh, yes! 144 00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:25,965 - Minister, I have some very grave news. - Yes, Humphrey? 145 00:09:26,127 --> 00:09:28,880 The relationship, which I might tentatively aver 146 00:09:29,047 --> 00:09:32,084 has been not without a degree of reciprocal utility, 147 00:09:32,247 --> 00:09:34,363 and even occasional gratification, 148 00:09:34,527 --> 00:09:38,679 Is approaching a point of Irreversible bifurcation and, to be brief, 149 00:09:38,847 --> 00:09:42,237 Is in the propinquity of its ultimate, regrettable, termination. 150 00:09:48,927 --> 00:09:50,246 I see. 151 00:09:52,487 --> 00:09:55,559 - I'm... on my way out. - What? 152 00:09:55,727 --> 00:09:58,241 There comes a time when one has to accept 153 00:09:58,407 --> 00:10:01,205 what fate has in store, when one passes on... 154 00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:02,880 Passes on? 155 00:10:03,047 --> 00:10:05,481 To pastures new, perhaps greener... 156 00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:11,165 and places oneself finally in the servlce of one who is greater than any of us. 157 00:10:11,327 --> 00:10:14,956 - Humphrey, I'm so sorry! - Thank you, Minister. 158 00:10:15,127 --> 00:10:19,245 - Does Lady Appleby know - She's suspected it for some time. 159 00:10:19,407 --> 00:10:22,046 - When did they tell you? - This afternoon. 160 00:10:22,207 --> 00:10:25,563 - How long do they give you? - Just a few weeks. 161 00:10:25,727 --> 00:10:27,046 Weeks? 162 00:10:27,207 --> 00:10:30,358 It'll give me enough time to sort everything out. 163 00:10:30,527 --> 00:10:33,360 Humphrey, you're so terribly brave! 164 00:10:33,527 --> 00:10:36,963 One is a little anxious. One is always wary of the unknown, 165 00:10:37,127 --> 00:10:39,357 but I have faith I'll muddle through. 166 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:47,036 Minister, what's the matter? 167 00:10:47,487 --> 00:10:49,796 I'm sorry, Humphrey. 168 00:10:49,967 --> 00:10:54,085 It's just we’ve had our ups and downs, but... 169 00:10:54,247 --> 00:10:57,239 Oh, Minister, don't take on so! 170 00:10:58,287 --> 00:11:00,676 We'll still see one another regularly. 171 00:11:04,727 --> 00:11:07,685 - Yes, once a week at least. - What? 172 00:11:07,847 --> 00:11:10,839 I haven't told you where I'm gong yet. 173 00:11:11,967 --> 00:11:15,437 I have been appointed Secretary to the Cabinet. 174 00:11:17,007 --> 00:11:20,636 - Secretary to the Cabinet? - Why, what did you think? 175 00:11:20,807 --> 00:11:22,957 I... I thought... I thought... 176 00:11:24,687 --> 00:11:28,043 Sorry about crying. I'm not myself today, a little tired. 177 00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:31,679 Overwrought. Things have been, you know... 178 00:11:31,847 --> 00:11:33,599 I am so sorry. 179 00:11:33,767 --> 00:11:35,883 Perhaps as Cabinet Secretary designate 180 00:11:36,047 --> 00:11:38,686 I should suggest some Lightening of the load... 181 00:11:38,847 --> 00:11:42,522 - No. Don't misunderstand me. I'm fine! - Good, good. 182 00:11:42,687 --> 00:11:45,997 - So, you're gong to be Cabinet Secretary. - Yes. 183 00:11:46,167 --> 00:11:48,727 Cabinet Secretary! 184 00:11:48,887 --> 00:11:51,560 - Secretary to the Cabinet! - Yes! 185 00:11:51,727 --> 00:11:55,356 - That's a great honour. Congratulations. - Thank you. 186 00:11:55,527 --> 00:11:58,917 - 'Course, that means that you and I... - Alas, yes. 187 00:11:59,287 --> 00:12:02,085 - How shall I manage? - Probably even better without me. 188 00:12:02,247 --> 00:12:05,762 Yes, I probably... No, no, certainly not, no! 189 00:12:05,927 --> 00:12:09,078 So you're gong to do for the Prime Minister 190 00:12:09,247 --> 00:12:11,044 what you've always done to me. 191 00:12:11,207 --> 00:12:12,606 For me! 192 00:12:13,647 --> 00:12:16,115 PM's right-hand man. 193 00:12:16,287 --> 00:12:20,200 - Advising on issues. - Quite so. 194 00:12:20,367 --> 00:12:24,201 And, er, and people, no doubt. 195 00:12:24,967 --> 00:12:26,195 Minister? 196 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,920 - Humphrey... - Yes, Minister? 197 00:12:30,087 --> 00:12:34,444 I want you to know I think you've been absolutely wonderful. 198 00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:39,956 Highest admiration for all you've done. Wonderful work. Wonderful work. 199 00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:43,676 - Finest tradition of the servlce. - Minister, you're too kind. 200 00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:47,317 I just hope you feel that I... in my... 201 00:12:49,087 --> 00:12:51,282 When things are... Well, it... 202 00:12:51,447 --> 00:12:53,642 If it should come up, er... 203 00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:57,038 I think we've made a jolly good team here, you and I? 204 00:12:57,207 --> 00:13:00,358 I couldn't have wished for a better Minister. 205 00:13:00,527 --> 00:13:02,324 Humphrey, you're too kind! 206 00:13:03,167 --> 00:13:06,125 When are you gong to tell the staff? 207 00:13:06,287 --> 00:13:09,199 On Friday evening, just before it’s promulgated. 208 00:13:09,367 --> 00:13:12,040 I will bid them farewell at the Christmas party. 209 00:13:12,207 --> 00:13:14,721 That will certainly make it a happy occasion! 210 00:13:15,567 --> 00:13:19,082 - And sad. - Sad, yes, sad. 211 00:13:19,247 --> 00:13:20,999 Terribly sad. 212 00:13:22,287 --> 00:13:25,006 - Enjoying yourself? - Yes, thank you, Minister. 213 00:13:25,167 --> 00:13:28,477 - Enjoying yourself? - Yes, Minister. Lovely party. 214 00:13:28,647 --> 00:13:33,198 - Yes, it’s frightfully good fun. - Always good to let your hair down. 215 00:13:35,527 --> 00:13:41,159 Right, now I think it’s time I said a few words. 216 00:13:42,087 --> 00:13:45,397 This is a very, very special occasion for us all. 217 00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:48,798 Peace on Earth, goodwill to all men. 218 00:13:48,967 --> 00:13:51,083 Sorry, persons! 219 00:13:51,927 --> 00:13:54,043 It's always good to have this little get-together 220 00:13:54,207 --> 00:13:56,926 amongst the people who've served me, er... 221 00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:59,601 worked with me... for me... no, with me 222 00:13:59,767 --> 00:14:02,281 here at the Department of Adminis... 223 00:14:04,487 --> 00:14:06,523 Ministry of Administr... 224 00:14:07,527 --> 00:14:09,438 at the DAA. 225 00:14:10,127 --> 00:14:14,564 We're a team, like the Cabinet, except we’re all on the same side... 226 00:14:15,607 --> 00:14:19,839 Not that the Cabinet... Well, I meant... really, the shadow Cabinet. 227 00:14:21,087 --> 00:14:24,124 Let's keep politics out of this. Season of goodwill. 228 00:14:25,287 --> 00:14:28,279 That's why Parliament doesn't sit over Christmas! 229 00:14:31,967 --> 00:14:35,596 Season of goodwill. Even to one's officials! 230 00:14:38,727 --> 00:14:41,446 Well, what can I say? Humpy. 231 00:14:41,607 --> 00:14:45,077 - Sir Humphrey Appleby! - Sir Humphrey Appleby! 232 00:14:45,247 --> 00:14:47,841 Thank you. I'd just like to thank you all 233 00:14:48,007 --> 00:14:51,204 for all the hard work you've done all these years. 234 00:14:51,367 --> 00:14:53,323 An occasion like this engenders 235 00:14:53,487 --> 00:14:57,526 a certain emotional ambiguity and personal ambivalence. 236 00:14:57,687 --> 00:15:00,963 - What's he ambiguous about? - While one is, one should say, 237 00:15:01,127 --> 00:15:03,277 honoured by the cause of one's departure, 238 00:15:03,447 --> 00:15:05,278 one is saddened by the fact of it, 239 00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:09,281 in particular, saddened to leave the servlce of a Minister 240 00:15:09,447 --> 00:15:11,961 without parallel in one's experience. 241 00:15:12,127 --> 00:15:14,277 I say, that's jolly decent. 242 00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:17,120 - A unique partnership. - Absolutely unique. 243 00:15:17,287 --> 00:15:20,723 So I should end by wishing a happy Christmas to you all, 244 00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:23,037 but in particular to a Minister whom, 245 00:15:23,207 --> 00:15:25,482 in the brief time we've had him with us 246 00:15:25,647 --> 00:15:29,959 we've watched grow in standing, stature and sureness of touch. 247 00:15:30,127 --> 00:15:33,597 So, seasonal felicitations to you all, 248 00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,678 but please, please, do remember 249 00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:38,725 the Home Secretary's campaign for the holiday: 250 00:15:38,887 --> 00:15:41,481 Don't drink and drive this Christmas. 251 00:15:41,647 --> 00:15:44,320 I'll drink to that! Oh, dear, I'm sorry! 252 00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:52,477 - I do wish you'd let me drive, Jim. - I'm driving perfectly stably. 253 00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:55,559 True, but we have to get home before dawn! 254 00:16:26,647 --> 00:16:29,400 Good evening, Cinstable. Happy Crispsmas. 255 00:16:29,567 --> 00:16:32,479 - May I see your licence, sir? - Certainly. 256 00:16:32,647 --> 00:16:36,037 - Aren't you Mr Jim Hacker? - That's right. 257 00:16:36,207 --> 00:16:41,076 - What seems to be the trouble? - Any reason you were driving so slowly? 258 00:16:41,247 --> 00:16:43,681 I didn’t want the kerb to hit me... 259 00:16:43,847 --> 00:16:46,964 I didn’t want to hit the kerb. 260 00:16:47,127 --> 00:16:50,517 Look, I've got a silver badge somewhere. 261 00:16:50,687 --> 00:16:53,326 I see. Perhaps Constable Evans can drive you. 262 00:16:53,487 --> 00:16:55,637 It's all right, Officer. I'll drive. 263 00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:59,083 Ok, Mrs Hacker. if you're in a proper state to drive. 264 00:16:59,247 --> 00:17:02,956 I don't drink, Officer. Well, not when my husband's driving. 265 00:17:04,567 --> 00:17:07,081 Nor do I, hardly. 266 00:17:11,007 --> 00:17:12,281 There we are. 267 00:17:13,167 --> 00:17:16,637 - Nice little place you have here. - Thank you. 268 00:17:16,807 --> 00:17:19,401 You handled your first Cabinet meeting well. 269 00:17:19,567 --> 00:17:24,163 - What was it like sitting next to the PM? - Do sit down, Minister. 270 00:17:24,327 --> 00:17:26,636 I've asked you to drop in for a coffee 271 00:17:26,807 --> 00:17:30,356 because the Home Office Informs me of a traffic incident. 272 00:17:32,287 --> 00:17:35,006 - Yes, I see. - it’s entirely your own affair... 273 00:17:35,167 --> 00:17:37,727 - Precisely. - But the PM takes a grave view. 274 00:17:37,887 --> 00:17:40,117 He feels Ministers should set an example. 275 00:17:40,687 --> 00:17:42,678 You're not ticking me off, are you? 276 00:17:42,847 --> 00:17:47,284 Far be it from me, I'm only a servant of the Cabinet, a humble functionary. 277 00:17:47,447 --> 00:17:50,678 But I need to assure the Home Office It won’t occur again. 278 00:17:50,847 --> 00:17:55,318 - What do they give us silver badges for? - it’s a very special privilege, Minister. 279 00:17:55,487 --> 00:17:57,955 It allows us to pass through police cordons 280 00:17:58,127 --> 00:18:00,561 and park in prohibited areas and so forth. 281 00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:03,886 It is not to protect drunks who drive cars. 282 00:18:05,687 --> 00:18:10,715 I will not be lectured by a functionary, even one as humble as your good self. 283 00:18:10,887 --> 00:18:15,677 - I'm a Minister of the Crown. - Yes, of course. I do apologise. 284 00:18:15,847 --> 00:18:19,886 I will inform the Crown of the incident if that is your wish. 285 00:18:23,767 --> 00:18:25,325 I... 286 00:18:26,127 --> 00:18:30,598 Now I think of it, you can tell the Home Office I take the point. 287 00:18:30,767 --> 00:18:35,682 - Thank you, Minister. - Does the Home Secretary himself know 288 00:18:36,247 --> 00:18:38,158 It hardly matters. 289 00:18:38,327 --> 00:18:42,764 I'm afraid the Home Secretary has not been as lucky as you were, 290 00:18:42,927 --> 00:18:45,566 which is why he wasn't at Cabinet. 291 00:18:47,367 --> 00:18:49,358 As you're aware, he initiated this 292 00:18:49,527 --> 00:18:52,200 "Don't drink and drive at Christmas" campaign 293 00:18:52,367 --> 00:18:54,642 and ordered the police to "get tough". 294 00:18:54,807 --> 00:18:56,559 Well, unfortunately... 295 00:18:57,447 --> 00:18:59,517 he, too, was picked up last night 296 00:18:59,687 --> 00:19:02,485 for drunken driving in his own constituency. 297 00:19:03,447 --> 00:19:06,439 Have you seen the first edition of the Standard? 298 00:19:12,407 --> 00:19:16,400 - Where on earth was his security man? - He'd given him the slip. 299 00:19:16,567 --> 00:19:18,797 You know how cunning these drunks can be. 300 00:19:21,447 --> 00:19:24,996 Couldn't they have hushed it up? Silver badge job? 301 00:19:25,167 --> 00:19:26,964 His case was rather different. 302 00:19:27,127 --> 00:19:31,359 He caused a lorry to overturn. It was full of nuclear waste. 303 00:19:33,887 --> 00:19:37,118 Then he rebounded from the lorry into a private car 304 00:19:37,287 --> 00:19:39,755 driven by the editor of a local newspaper. 305 00:19:39,927 --> 00:19:41,246 Oh, no. 306 00:19:41,407 --> 00:19:44,365 - Inevitably, it leaked out. - The nuclear waste? 307 00:19:45,447 --> 00:19:47,119 No, the story. 308 00:19:47,967 --> 00:19:51,562 - The Home Secretary will have to resign. - Alas, yes. 309 00:19:51,727 --> 00:19:54,195 - What will happen to him? - Well... 310 00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:56,403 I gather he was as drunk as a lord, 311 00:19:56,567 --> 00:20:00,116 so after a discreet interval, they'll probably make him one! 312 00:20:01,727 --> 00:20:04,480 He's obviously been held up. 313 00:20:05,687 --> 00:20:08,485 You can stamp some cards if you like. 314 00:20:08,647 --> 00:20:10,717 - Aren't they to constituents? - Yes. 315 00:20:10,887 --> 00:20:14,357 That's not government business, that's political activity. 316 00:20:14,527 --> 00:20:16,643 I'm not allowed to help with that. 317 00:20:16,807 --> 00:20:19,241 - If they're to journalists? - That'd be Ok. 318 00:20:19,407 --> 00:20:21,682 - They're to journalists. - Fine. 319 00:20:22,167 --> 00:20:26,365 I suppose licklng is an essential part of relationships with the press. 320 00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:31,125 I hear the reshuffle Is about to be announced. 321 00:20:31,287 --> 00:20:32,606 It may be on the news. 322 00:20:32,767 --> 00:20:34,246 I like to watch the news. 323 00:20:34,407 --> 00:20:36,967 It's my best chance of finding out where Jim is. 324 00:20:37,127 --> 00:20:42,121 There was no question of American military personnel getting involved. 325 00:20:42,287 --> 00:20:46,280 We’ve just had a newsflash from Number 10 Downing Street. 326 00:20:46,447 --> 00:20:49,564 The Prime Minister is to retire early in the New Year. 327 00:20:49,727 --> 00:20:52,605 He does not want to serve in another Parliament, 328 00:20:52,767 --> 00:20:56,043 giving his successor a good run-up to the next election. 329 00:20:56,207 --> 00:20:59,324 We'll bring you further news as soon as we can. 330 00:20:59,487 --> 00:21:01,762 Have you heard? Yes! 331 00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:04,441 The emergency Cabinet meeting was to tell us. 332 00:21:04,607 --> 00:21:05,756 Why so suddenly? 333 00:21:05,927 --> 00:21:09,806 He said to give his successor a good run-up to the next election, 334 00:21:09,967 --> 00:21:11,685 so that can't be the reason. 335 00:21:11,847 --> 00:21:15,522 - Why, then? - Some rumours are gong about. 336 00:21:15,687 --> 00:21:18,440 The left say he's a secret CIA agent. 337 00:21:18,607 --> 00:21:21,075 The right say he's a secret KGB agent. 338 00:21:21,247 --> 00:21:23,715 I've heard something quite different, 339 00:21:23,887 --> 00:21:26,162 that there is 1 million-worth of diamonds 340 00:21:26,327 --> 00:21:28,682 from South Africa in a Downing Street safe, 341 00:21:28,847 --> 00:21:30,997 - but it’s only a rumour. - Is that true? 342 00:21:31,167 --> 00:21:32,486 Yes. 343 00:21:33,567 --> 00:21:37,082 So, there are all those diamonds in Downing Street! 344 00:21:37,247 --> 00:21:39,636 - Are there? - You said there were! 345 00:21:39,807 --> 00:21:41,559 - I didn’t. - You did! 346 00:21:41,727 --> 00:21:45,356 - I said is the rumour true, you said yes! - True it’s a rumour. 347 00:21:45,527 --> 00:21:47,836 - You heard it was true! - True I heard it! 348 00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:52,478 - Sorry to cut in, but do you believe it? - I believe I heard it. 349 00:21:52,647 --> 00:21:56,117 - Oh, about the diamonds? No. - Is it impossible? 350 00:21:56,287 --> 00:21:59,245 No, but it’s never been officially denied. 351 00:21:59,407 --> 00:22:03,764 First rule of politics: Never believe anything until it’s officially denied. 352 00:22:03,927 --> 00:22:07,397 - Will there be a general election? - There's no need. 353 00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:10,957 The majority’s big enough. We'll just choose a new leader. 354 00:22:11,127 --> 00:22:13,641 - Do you want the job? - Me? No chance! 355 00:22:13,807 --> 00:22:16,321 It'll either be Eric or Duncan. 356 00:22:16,487 --> 00:22:19,399 It should have been Ray. He was Deputy Leader. 357 00:22:19,567 --> 00:22:22,445 But as he's had to resign as Home Secretary... 358 00:22:23,087 --> 00:22:28,081 - Of course! That's why the PM resigned! - Why? 359 00:22:28,247 --> 00:22:29,600 He's always hated Ray. 360 00:22:29,767 --> 00:22:33,999 He just hung on to make sure his deputy didn’t get the leadership! 361 00:22:35,527 --> 00:22:37,119 Like Attlee and Morrison. 362 00:22:37,287 --> 00:22:39,005 So the resignation is to give time 363 00:22:39,167 --> 00:22:41,920 for the new leader to be run in before the election? 364 00:22:42,087 --> 00:22:44,647 Now that the Home Secretary's been run in! 365 00:22:44,807 --> 00:22:47,321 Eric wants my support for the leadership. 366 00:22:47,487 --> 00:22:51,719 He could be the right man. He's been a fairly successful Chancellor. 367 00:22:51,887 --> 00:22:55,721 I've already indicated that I'm... on his side. 368 00:22:55,887 --> 00:22:59,562 - What about Duncan? - Yes, Duncan could be the man. 369 00:22:59,727 --> 00:23:02,799 He's done fairly well at the Foreign Office. 370 00:23:02,967 --> 00:23:06,755 - I think I'll support Duncan. - You're supporting Eric and Duncan? 371 00:23:06,927 --> 00:23:11,159 It's all very well, but if I support Eric and Duncan gets it, that's it. 372 00:23:11,327 --> 00:23:13,761 If I support Duncan and Eric gets it, that's it. 373 00:23:13,927 --> 00:23:15,440 Don't support either! 374 00:23:15,607 --> 00:23:18,804 - Whoever gets it, that's it. - So who are you supporting? 375 00:23:18,967 --> 00:23:20,195 Duncan. 376 00:23:23,767 --> 00:23:24,916 Or Eric. 377 00:23:26,287 --> 00:23:30,485 Duncan's so divisive. It really would be for the good of the party, 378 00:23:30,647 --> 00:23:34,196 - the good of the country... - Eric, I don't see how I can. 379 00:23:34,367 --> 00:23:38,280 Your support would be crucial. You're universally popular... 380 00:23:38,447 --> 00:23:40,961 - I don't know... - Good public image... 381 00:23:41,127 --> 00:23:43,516 - Yes... - Regarded as sound. 382 00:23:43,687 --> 00:23:46,599 - Am I? - So, if you put your weight behind me... 383 00:23:46,767 --> 00:23:49,964 You see my problem as chairman of the party. 384 00:23:50,127 --> 00:23:52,880 What would happen if Duncan got it? Disaster! 385 00:23:53,047 --> 00:23:54,036 Well... 386 00:23:54,207 --> 00:23:57,483 Tell you what. I wouldn't keep him at the Foreign Office. 387 00:23:58,367 --> 00:24:00,835 I'd look for a new Foreign Secretary. 388 00:24:05,927 --> 00:24:08,999 But as I said, I must appear impartial. 389 00:24:10,167 --> 00:24:14,718 But if there could be ways of hinting at my support for you... 390 00:24:15,567 --> 00:24:18,559 in a perfectly impartial way... 391 00:24:24,207 --> 00:24:29,235 - But Duncan, as chairman of the party... - As such you carry even more weight. 392 00:24:29,407 --> 00:24:32,638 You haven't got any real enemies. Not yet, anyway. 393 00:24:33,327 --> 00:24:35,716 But it’s my job to be impartial. 394 00:24:35,887 --> 00:24:38,765 If Eric got into Number 10 It'd be catastrophic. 395 00:24:38,927 --> 00:24:39,916 Yes... 396 00:24:40,087 --> 00:24:43,124 Jim, we're on the same side, aren’t we? 397 00:24:44,087 --> 00:24:45,600 - Yes. - Good. 398 00:24:45,767 --> 00:24:49,237 I'm gong to win and I never forgive people who let me down. 399 00:24:52,047 --> 00:24:54,925 I can't make my support too public. 400 00:24:55,087 --> 00:24:59,365 It doesn't have to be public, just so long as everybody knows. 401 00:25:00,447 --> 00:25:04,725 Then when I'm in Number 10, and Eric’s in Northern Ireland... 402 00:25:08,647 --> 00:25:11,957 we know who’ll be the next Chancellor, don’t we? 403 00:25:12,127 --> 00:25:13,162 Do we? 404 00:25:14,607 --> 00:25:16,837 You mean? 405 00:25:17,367 --> 00:25:19,927 Unless you fancy Northern Ireland yourself? 406 00:25:29,007 --> 00:25:32,920 How are things at the Campaign for the Freedom of Information? 407 00:25:33,087 --> 00:25:35,362 Sorry, I can't talk about that. 408 00:25:40,207 --> 00:25:43,722 So, will the new PM be our eminent Chancellor, 409 00:25:43,887 --> 00:25:46,447 or our distinguished Foreign Secretary 410 00:25:46,607 --> 00:25:49,360 Well, which do you think It should be? 411 00:25:50,207 --> 00:25:54,359 Difficult. Like asking which lunatic should run the asylum. 412 00:25:54,527 --> 00:25:56,802 Trouble is, they're both interventionists, 413 00:25:56,967 --> 00:25:59,640 with notions about running the country themselves 414 00:25:59,807 --> 00:26:02,640 - If they became PM. - Have we any allies? 415 00:26:02,807 --> 00:26:05,480 Quite a few, the Chief Whip particularly. 416 00:26:05,647 --> 00:26:10,277 He's worried that whichever gets the job will antagonise the other's supporters 417 00:26:10,447 --> 00:26:14,679 - and split the party. - So we need a compromise candidate. 418 00:26:15,687 --> 00:26:16,915 Malleable. 419 00:26:17,087 --> 00:26:18,645 - Flexible. - Likeable. 420 00:26:18,807 --> 00:26:20,638 - No firm opinions. - No bright ideas. 421 00:26:20,807 --> 00:26:23,116 Not intellectually committed. 422 00:26:23,727 --> 00:26:26,560 No strength of purpose to change anything. 423 00:26:26,727 --> 00:26:30,845 Someone who can be manipulated, professionally guided. 424 00:26:31,007 --> 00:26:34,920 And leave the business of government in the hands of the experts. 425 00:26:54,447 --> 00:26:57,723 Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear! It's impossible. 426 00:26:57,887 --> 00:27:00,321 Why? A lot of the government 427 00:27:00,487 --> 00:27:04,400 would welcome a less-interventionist leader. 428 00:27:04,567 --> 00:27:08,196 - Not the other two candidates! - They might be persuaded. 429 00:27:08,367 --> 00:27:13,122 - What, to stand aside? - Yes. Have you seen their MI5 files? 430 00:27:13,847 --> 00:27:14,836 No. 431 00:27:15,007 --> 00:27:18,158 Always send for Cabinet Ministers' MI5 files 432 00:27:18,327 --> 00:27:20,841 if you enjoy a good laugh! 433 00:27:22,887 --> 00:27:24,957 - Oh, Bernard. - Sir. 434 00:27:25,127 --> 00:27:27,561 - Just... - Thank you very much. 435 00:27:27,727 --> 00:27:29,877 - Do sit down. - Thank you. 436 00:27:32,247 --> 00:27:35,080 - Happy New Year, by the way. - Thank you. 437 00:27:35,727 --> 00:27:37,001 Right. 438 00:27:37,167 --> 00:27:38,316 So... 439 00:27:38,487 --> 00:27:43,083 this is our very last piece of DAA business. 440 00:27:43,247 --> 00:27:45,397 Yes, I'm afraid so, Sir Humphrey. 441 00:27:45,567 --> 00:27:46,716 Ah, well. 442 00:27:47,647 --> 00:27:51,083 Bernard, just let me ask you something. 443 00:27:51,727 --> 00:27:54,844 What would you say to your present master... 444 00:27:57,087 --> 00:27:59,043 as the next Prime Minister? 445 00:28:02,887 --> 00:28:04,764 - The Minister? - Yes. 446 00:28:04,927 --> 00:28:06,804 - Mr Hacker? - Yes. 447 00:28:07,927 --> 00:28:09,883 - As Prime Minister? - Yes. 448 00:28:11,967 --> 00:28:16,165 - Are you in a hurry - Just checking it’s not April 1st. 449 00:28:20,687 --> 00:28:24,999 Are you suggesting your Minister Is not up to the job of Prime Minister? 450 00:28:25,167 --> 00:28:27,840 Oh, no, Sir Arnold, It's not for me to, er... 451 00:28:28,007 --> 00:28:32,080 Well, I mean... Of course, I'm... I'm sure he's, er... 452 00:28:33,807 --> 00:28:34,842 Oh, gosh! 453 00:28:35,487 --> 00:28:37,284 There is a body of opinion 454 00:28:37,447 --> 00:28:39,915 that sees many advantages in the appointment. 455 00:28:40,087 --> 00:28:42,476 - For Britain. - For Britain. 456 00:28:42,647 --> 00:28:45,719 - Yes, well, yes... - So we trust you 457 00:28:45,887 --> 00:28:48,321 to ensure your Minister does nothing 458 00:28:48,487 --> 00:28:51,559 Incisive or divisive over the next few weeks. 459 00:28:51,727 --> 00:28:53,638 Avoids anything controversial. 460 00:28:53,807 --> 00:28:57,880 Expresses no firm opinion about anything. 461 00:28:58,687 --> 00:29:00,439 Now, is that quite clear? 462 00:29:01,207 --> 00:29:04,438 I think that's what he was planning anyway. 463 00:29:09,887 --> 00:29:11,445 What's it all for, Bernard? 464 00:29:11,607 --> 00:29:14,804 What are we all doling? What does it all mean? 465 00:29:14,967 --> 00:29:17,606 I didn’t read theology, Minister. 466 00:29:17,767 --> 00:29:21,316 The waste of it all. Take that EEC reception last night. 467 00:29:21,487 --> 00:29:24,320 Humphrey introduced me to an official 468 00:29:24,487 --> 00:29:27,604 who pays farmers to produce surplus food 469 00:29:27,767 --> 00:29:30,645 and then he introduced me to another official 470 00:29:30,807 --> 00:29:33,719 who pays others to destroy all the surpluses. 471 00:29:33,887 --> 00:29:36,082 Then they pay thousands of bureaucrats 472 00:29:36,247 --> 00:29:39,364 to push masses of paper round to make it all work. 473 00:29:39,527 --> 00:29:42,439 Doesn't the futility of it all depress you? 474 00:29:42,607 --> 00:29:44,802 Not really. I'm a civil servant. 475 00:29:47,047 --> 00:29:49,880 I've been talking to Eric and Duncan. 476 00:29:50,727 --> 00:29:53,799 I think I've promised to support Eric’s candidature. 477 00:29:53,967 --> 00:29:54,956 I see. 478 00:29:55,127 --> 00:29:57,800 Then I think I promised to support Duncan's. 479 00:29:57,967 --> 00:30:00,435 That sounds very even-handed, Minister. 480 00:30:00,607 --> 00:30:03,121 But I can't keep both promises. Sherry 481 00:30:03,287 --> 00:30:06,006 Thank you. They were only political promises. 482 00:30:06,167 --> 00:30:07,600 Yes... What do you mean? 483 00:30:08,007 --> 00:30:12,000 I mean, like your manifesto promises, people understand. 484 00:30:12,167 --> 00:30:13,486 Yes. 485 00:30:13,647 --> 00:30:16,605 Trouble is, I can't remember either of them 486 00:30:16,767 --> 00:30:19,406 making any categorical promises to me. 487 00:30:19,567 --> 00:30:23,879 - Then you have no problem. - I have. I've still to decide who to support. 488 00:30:24,047 --> 00:30:27,642 It's not just picking the winner. My support could tip the balance. 489 00:30:27,807 --> 00:30:30,560 The question is, do I want to be Foreign Secretary 490 00:30:30,727 --> 00:30:32,524 or Chancellor of the Exchequer? 491 00:30:32,687 --> 00:30:35,360 - Neither, do you? - Why not? 492 00:30:35,527 --> 00:30:38,087 They're both such terrible jobs! 493 00:30:38,247 --> 00:30:41,478 You're talking about two of the top three Cabinet jobs. 494 00:30:41,647 --> 00:30:43,046 I realise that. 495 00:30:43,207 --> 00:30:45,721 As a civil servant, you don't understand politics. 496 00:30:45,887 --> 00:30:46,922 Sorry. 497 00:30:47,087 --> 00:30:49,647 To be a success, you have to be in the limelight. 498 00:30:49,807 --> 00:30:52,879 You have a very high profile as Chancellor of the Exchequer, 499 00:30:53,047 --> 00:30:54,844 and that has to be good for votes. 500 00:30:55,007 --> 00:30:58,886 - You see now, don't you? - But with respect, Minister... 501 00:30:59,047 --> 00:31:03,086 The Chancellor is Mr Killjoy. Raising taxes on beer and cigarettes 502 00:31:03,247 --> 00:31:07,525 and cutting down public spending goes down badly with the electorate. 503 00:31:09,167 --> 00:31:12,443 Maybe I don’t want to be Chancellor of the Exchequer. 504 00:31:12,607 --> 00:31:14,563 There's no escape in that job. 505 00:31:14,727 --> 00:31:16,922 Unless you're sent to the Foreign 506 00:31:17,087 --> 00:31:19,840 and Commonwealth Office as a punishment. 507 00:31:20,007 --> 00:31:22,680 - Punishment? - it’s an even worse job. 508 00:31:22,847 --> 00:31:25,281 - No votes in Foreign Affairs? - Exactly. 509 00:31:25,447 --> 00:31:28,996 The FCO loves foreigners, but the British people don't. 510 00:31:29,167 --> 00:31:30,759 Quite. 511 00:31:31,327 --> 00:31:35,400 As far as world politics goes, the Foreign Office is an irrelevance. 512 00:31:35,567 --> 00:31:39,958 We've no real power. We're just an American missile base! 513 00:31:40,127 --> 00:31:41,606 Yes, Minister. 514 00:31:41,767 --> 00:31:44,600 Between the devil and the deep blue sea. 515 00:31:44,767 --> 00:31:47,998 Unless... Of course, there is one other option. 516 00:31:48,167 --> 00:31:50,761 - What other option? - Do the middle job. 517 00:31:50,927 --> 00:31:52,838 Middle job? What, Home Secretary 518 00:31:53,007 --> 00:31:56,602 Responsible for all the muggings, jailbreaks and race riots? 519 00:31:56,767 --> 00:32:00,885 - No, thank you! - No, be the one who takes all the credit. 520 00:32:02,007 --> 00:32:04,805 What do you mean? You mean? 521 00:32:06,087 --> 00:32:08,476 You don't mean? 522 00:32:11,367 --> 00:32:14,279 You do mean? 523 00:32:14,847 --> 00:32:17,759 How's it all looking from the Chief Whip’s office? 524 00:32:17,927 --> 00:32:21,761 If Eric gets it, we'll have a party split in three months. 525 00:32:21,927 --> 00:32:24,157 If it’s Duncan, it’ll take three weeks. 526 00:32:24,687 --> 00:32:28,077 Geoffrey, the PM's asked me to take you into my confidence. 527 00:32:28,247 --> 00:32:31,364 I shouldn't be telling you this, but there are, 528 00:32:31,527 --> 00:32:34,200 how shall I say, security question marks 529 00:32:34,367 --> 00:32:36,835 over both the current candidates. 530 00:32:37,007 --> 00:32:40,886 - What question marks? - Alas, I can say no more. 531 00:32:42,807 --> 00:32:46,402 The only person I can disclose this to in the PM's absence, 532 00:32:46,567 --> 00:32:50,276 and as it is essentially a party matter, Is the chairman of the party. 533 00:32:50,447 --> 00:32:52,881 - Jim Hacker. - He's promised to join us. 534 00:32:53,047 --> 00:32:54,321 But in the meantime, 535 00:32:54,487 --> 00:32:57,445 do you think the party can find a compromise candidate? 536 00:32:57,607 --> 00:33:00,519 Could be any one of half a dozen. 537 00:33:00,687 --> 00:33:04,157 Have you considered the party chairman? 538 00:33:05,007 --> 00:33:07,043 Jim Hacker? 539 00:33:09,247 --> 00:33:11,203 Jim Hacker... 540 00:33:11,887 --> 00:33:14,321 Yes, it is possible, isn’t it? 541 00:33:14,487 --> 00:33:17,957 After all, there have been less likely Prime Ministers. 542 00:33:18,647 --> 00:33:19,921 Yes... 543 00:33:21,047 --> 00:33:22,480 Who? 544 00:33:23,807 --> 00:33:26,446 Oh, there must have been! 545 00:33:28,887 --> 00:33:32,721 Yes? Oh, all right. Send him in. 546 00:33:35,807 --> 00:33:38,241 Minister, so good of you to call. 547 00:33:38,407 --> 00:33:40,159 - Henry. - Morning. 548 00:33:40,327 --> 00:33:42,636 Do sit down. Minister... 549 00:33:42,807 --> 00:33:46,197 I have a problem and I need your help. 550 00:33:46,367 --> 00:33:49,245 Oh, dear! Can't you run the country on your own? 551 00:33:52,007 --> 00:33:56,080 - It is a rather grave matter, I'm afraid. - Yes, of course. 552 00:33:57,167 --> 00:33:59,283 It's to do with the leadership election. 553 00:33:59,447 --> 00:34:02,359 The PM felt we had no alternative but to call you in. 554 00:34:02,527 --> 00:34:04,245 That bad, eh? 555 00:34:05,087 --> 00:34:07,885 There are certain items of confidential information 556 00:34:08,047 --> 00:34:11,881 which, while in theory might be susceptible of innocent interpretation, 557 00:34:12,047 --> 00:34:15,926 do nevertheless contain a sufficient element of ambiguity, 558 00:34:16,087 --> 00:34:20,285 so that were they to be presented in a less than generous manner, 559 00:34:20,447 --> 00:34:24,122 might be a source of great embarrassment and even hazard 560 00:34:24,287 --> 00:34:27,006 were they to impinge upon the deliberations 561 00:34:27,167 --> 00:34:29,965 of an office of more than usual sensitivity. 562 00:34:30,527 --> 00:34:32,438 I'm sorry 563 00:34:35,447 --> 00:34:38,120 He's talking about security question marks. 564 00:34:38,287 --> 00:34:39,959 Security? What do you mean? 565 00:34:40,127 --> 00:34:43,164 - Secrets. - I know what security means. 566 00:34:43,327 --> 00:34:46,797 - But what do you mean? - I'm not allowed to know. 567 00:34:46,967 --> 00:34:48,764 - Why not? - Security. 568 00:34:50,447 --> 00:34:56,238 So, since in the PM's absence you are deputising on party matters, 569 00:34:56,407 --> 00:35:00,525 may I show you the security file on the Chancellor of the Exchequer? 570 00:35:00,687 --> 00:35:04,123 Technically, I can't show you any of it, but, er... 571 00:35:08,047 --> 00:35:12,165 under the circumstances, I feel I can show you relevant items. 572 00:35:12,327 --> 00:35:16,036 Here's a summary of the reports from the security services. 573 00:35:17,367 --> 00:35:19,278 Special Branch... 574 00:35:19,447 --> 00:35:21,005 There we are. 575 00:35:21,167 --> 00:35:23,806 interview with his driver. 576 00:35:26,567 --> 00:35:29,718 And the PM's confidential memo. 577 00:35:31,047 --> 00:35:34,244 - Strictest secrecy, of course. - Of course. 578 00:35:37,647 --> 00:35:39,558 Dirty old! 579 00:35:42,007 --> 00:35:44,760 You wouldn't have thought he had the time, 580 00:35:44,927 --> 00:35:47,157 a workaholic like Eric. 581 00:35:47,327 --> 00:35:51,479 I've found that people who are highly active in one area of life 582 00:35:51,647 --> 00:35:54,286 tend to be equally active in all the others. 583 00:35:54,447 --> 00:35:56,597 You wouldn't think he went in for... 584 00:35:56,767 --> 00:36:00,919 I understand the current expression Is horizontal jogging, Minister. 585 00:36:04,487 --> 00:36:08,162 All this was some time ago and it doesn't seem very conclusive. 586 00:36:08,327 --> 00:36:11,637 That's why the PM thought it all right for him to be Chancellor. 587 00:36:11,807 --> 00:36:15,038 But the Yugoslavian one and the two South Africans, 588 00:36:15,207 --> 00:36:18,085 not to mention the shady lady from Argentina... 589 00:36:18,247 --> 00:36:20,522 And it’s thought she's just a cover anyway. 590 00:36:20,687 --> 00:36:23,440 Cover? What for? 591 00:36:23,607 --> 00:36:24,926 Good heavens! 592 00:36:25,087 --> 00:36:27,396 If all these ladles were just covers, 593 00:36:27,567 --> 00:36:30,479 what on earth were his real requirements? 594 00:36:31,727 --> 00:36:34,195 I really can't tell you. 595 00:36:35,607 --> 00:36:38,883 So it was thought that Defence and the Foreign Office 596 00:36:39,047 --> 00:36:40,958 might be too delicate. 597 00:36:41,127 --> 00:36:44,483 - I can see that! - Then, if he were PM... 598 00:36:44,647 --> 00:36:48,083 he'd be head of security services as well. it’s unthinkable. 599 00:36:48,247 --> 00:36:50,966 You're saying It's got to be Duncan. 600 00:36:51,127 --> 00:36:54,119 I was coming to that. This is his file. 601 00:36:54,967 --> 00:36:57,276 Special Branch again. 602 00:36:57,447 --> 00:37:00,280 Then we have the Fraud Squad... 603 00:37:01,407 --> 00:37:03,477 Inland Revenue... 604 00:37:03,647 --> 00:37:07,720 Secret auditors' reports, Bank of England foreign exchange division... 605 00:37:07,887 --> 00:37:10,242 How much do you want? 606 00:37:10,407 --> 00:37:13,524 All this was technically legal at the time, wasn't it? 607 00:37:13,687 --> 00:37:15,678 Yes, it may have been technically, 608 00:37:15,847 --> 00:37:18,486 but it ruled him out of consideration for the Treasury. 609 00:37:19,047 --> 00:37:21,561 How did they get all this, MI5? 610 00:37:21,727 --> 00:37:26,039 Er, well, let's just say It's all been gone into quite enough. 611 00:37:26,207 --> 00:37:28,243 Like the shady lady! 612 00:37:30,487 --> 00:37:35,242 - Isn't it all astounding, all this? - I don't know. I haven't seen it! 613 00:37:37,847 --> 00:37:42,682 - Humphrey, don't think me foolish... - Oh, Minister, perish the thought! 614 00:37:42,847 --> 00:37:47,045 - Forgive me, Geoffrey. Why are you here? - We dare not allow these scandals. 615 00:37:47,207 --> 00:37:48,686 If they are so embarrassing, 616 00:37:48,847 --> 00:37:51,236 It would embarrass the country and the party 617 00:37:51,407 --> 00:37:53,875 if either of them became head of government. 618 00:37:54,047 --> 00:37:56,641 We can't be caught with our trousers down. 619 00:37:56,807 --> 00:37:57,842 Like Eric! 620 00:37:59,607 --> 00:38:01,325 I see. 621 00:38:02,367 --> 00:38:04,483 Yes, this is serious. 622 00:38:04,647 --> 00:38:06,603 - Very serious. - Very serious. 623 00:38:06,767 --> 00:38:08,723 What could happen if one them became PM? 624 00:38:08,887 --> 00:38:11,196 Something very serious indeed. 625 00:38:11,367 --> 00:38:13,562 - Very serious. - I see. 626 00:38:14,007 --> 00:38:17,761 - Serious repercussions... - Serious repercussions... 627 00:38:17,927 --> 00:38:20,361 of the utmost seriousness. 628 00:38:20,847 --> 00:38:23,361 Yes, that is serious. 629 00:38:23,527 --> 00:38:26,280 in fact, I would go so far as to say 630 00:38:26,447 --> 00:38:28,517 that it could hardly be more serious. 631 00:38:30,567 --> 00:38:34,242 Well, I think we're all agreed, then, this is serious. 632 00:38:34,927 --> 00:38:36,201 Yes. 633 00:38:36,367 --> 00:38:38,244 What happens now 634 00:38:38,407 --> 00:38:41,240 The party needs to agree on another candidate, quick. 635 00:38:41,407 --> 00:38:44,160 The Chief Whip wondered if you had any ideas. 636 00:38:44,327 --> 00:38:45,840 As you're Party Chairman. 637 00:38:46,007 --> 00:38:48,475 Well, it’s rather difficult. 638 00:38:48,647 --> 00:38:51,525 You're looking for somebody with outstanding qualities, 639 00:38:51,887 --> 00:38:54,447 a potential Prime Minister. 640 00:38:54,607 --> 00:38:57,280 - Someone who's sound. - Yes. 641 00:38:58,407 --> 00:38:59,886 Likeable. 642 00:39:01,847 --> 00:39:03,485 Flexible. 643 00:39:03,647 --> 00:39:05,877 Yes. Normal. 644 00:39:08,407 --> 00:39:10,045 - Solvent. - Yes. 645 00:39:10,207 --> 00:39:13,563 And acceptable to both wings of the party. 646 00:39:13,727 --> 00:39:17,640 And someone who understands how to take advice, Minister. 647 00:39:17,807 --> 00:39:19,923 Yes. Well... 648 00:39:20,527 --> 00:39:23,360 Gosh! Who can I suggest? 649 00:39:25,327 --> 00:39:27,557 Have you thought of doling the job yourself? 650 00:39:27,727 --> 00:39:28,716 Me? 651 00:39:28,887 --> 00:39:32,038 - Why not? - Wouldn't you want to be Prime Minister? 652 00:39:32,207 --> 00:39:37,201 I'd love to be, but... it’s a very big job. I'm not sure I could. Prime Minister! 653 00:39:37,367 --> 00:39:41,758 Perhaps the Minister feels he's not absolutely Prime Ministerial calibre. 654 00:39:41,927 --> 00:39:44,361 There isn’t any doubt about that, Humphrey. 655 00:39:44,527 --> 00:39:46,916 No, not in my mind. But you seem hesitant. 656 00:39:47,087 --> 00:39:50,636 Modesty for bids. But I have no doubt I can do the job. 657 00:39:50,807 --> 00:39:54,959 - Modestly put, Minister. - There's only one fly in the ointment. 658 00:39:55,127 --> 00:39:56,640 You're a bit of an outsider. 659 00:39:56,807 --> 00:40:00,117 Can you organise some public success in the next few days? 660 00:40:00,287 --> 00:40:04,326 A tall order. I'm up to my neck in the Euro sausage! 661 00:40:06,327 --> 00:40:10,400 Won't it be enough to start campaigning, let people know I want the job? 662 00:40:10,567 --> 00:40:14,560 Quite the reverse! Better to let people know you don’t want it. 663 00:40:14,727 --> 00:40:18,163 - Would that be enough? - If you tell everybody that, yes. 664 00:40:18,327 --> 00:40:20,045 Leave the campaigning to me. 665 00:40:20,207 --> 00:40:23,005 Say you have no ambitions in that direction. 666 00:40:23,167 --> 00:40:25,078 Yes. But supposing somebody says, 667 00:40:25,247 --> 00:40:27,442 "Does that mean you refuse to stand?" 668 00:40:27,607 --> 00:40:29,563 You know how the medal try to trap you. 669 00:40:29,727 --> 00:40:32,036 Minister, it’s not my place, but, er, 670 00:40:32,207 --> 00:40:35,244 previously the acceptable answer has been, 671 00:40:35,407 --> 00:40:37,762 "While one does not seek the office, 672 00:40:37,927 --> 00:40:40,964 one has pledged oneself to the servlce of one's country, 673 00:40:41,127 --> 00:40:43,436 and if one's friends were to persuade one 674 00:40:43,607 --> 00:40:45,802 that was the best way one could serve, 675 00:40:45,967 --> 00:40:49,243 one might have to accept the responsibility 676 00:40:49,407 --> 00:40:52,763 whatever one’s own private wishes might be." 677 00:40:58,967 --> 00:41:03,643 "Private wishes might be." Yes, I think I've got that. 678 00:41:03,807 --> 00:41:07,004 So, it’s a three-way election, then. 679 00:41:07,167 --> 00:41:11,160 It should be an unopposed election. Unity sits well with the public. 680 00:41:11,327 --> 00:41:14,478 - The party will welcome that. - Eric and Duncan won't! 681 00:41:14,647 --> 00:41:17,366 Eric and Duncan must be persuaded to withdraw. 682 00:41:18,607 --> 00:41:20,996 You mean you'll have a word with them. 683 00:41:21,407 --> 00:41:24,683 I can't. I haven't seen the files. 684 00:41:24,847 --> 00:41:28,760 - Humphrey, then. - No, it’s an internal party matter. 685 00:41:28,927 --> 00:41:31,805 - It would be most improper. - Well, who... 686 00:41:33,847 --> 00:41:35,803 You don't mean? 687 00:41:35,967 --> 00:41:39,118 - I can't! - No one else can. 688 00:41:39,807 --> 00:41:42,037 You want me to tell one of my colleagues 689 00:41:42,207 --> 00:41:44,767 he's a swindler and the other he’s a pervert! 690 00:41:45,727 --> 00:41:47,160 Not in so many words! 691 00:41:47,327 --> 00:41:50,080 Say you don't believe they've done anything wrong. 692 00:41:50,247 --> 00:41:52,602 Just let them know you know something. 693 00:41:52,767 --> 00:41:54,644 They'll tell me to mind my own business! 694 00:41:54,807 --> 00:41:57,526 Then you say, as Chairman, It's your duty to see 695 00:41:57,687 --> 00:42:00,360 this information reaches those who need to know. 696 00:42:00,527 --> 00:42:02,916 The Party Executive, major contributors, 697 00:42:03,087 --> 00:42:05,920 elder statesmen, patrons, the Palace, perhaps. 698 00:42:07,087 --> 00:42:11,000 Tell each of them they have no alternative but to pull out 699 00:42:11,167 --> 00:42:14,159 and support someone who will protect them. 700 00:42:14,887 --> 00:42:17,276 You want me to protect them? 701 00:42:17,447 --> 00:42:21,759 It's nobody else's business as long as security’s not involved. 702 00:42:21,927 --> 00:42:24,361 I don't have the stomach for the task. 703 00:42:24,527 --> 00:42:26,961 You have no choice now that you know. 704 00:42:27,127 --> 00:42:31,803 Nobody else knows that I know. Let's just forget all about it! 705 00:42:32,767 --> 00:42:36,203 - That would be very courageous. - Courageous? Why? 706 00:42:36,367 --> 00:42:39,200 If anything were to happen and it later emerged 707 00:42:39,367 --> 00:42:42,086 you had the information and suppressed it... 708 00:42:42,247 --> 00:42:47,765 - You mean you'd leak it? - Covering up for your chums... 709 00:42:47,927 --> 00:42:51,920 Greater love hath no man than this, that he should lay down his career. 710 00:42:52,087 --> 00:42:54,362 Humphrey, you're threatening me! 711 00:42:56,167 --> 00:42:58,635 No, Minister, I'm helping you. 712 00:43:00,327 --> 00:43:04,400 You see, Jim, there's one other quality Prime Ministers need. 713 00:43:05,167 --> 00:43:06,839 The killer instinct. 714 00:43:08,007 --> 00:43:10,202 The killer instinct. 715 00:43:10,687 --> 00:43:12,245 Yes. 716 00:43:14,687 --> 00:43:16,439 Ah, thanks. 717 00:43:16,607 --> 00:43:22,079 - Well, here's to Number 10, eh? - Thanks. I mean, yes. 718 00:43:31,327 --> 00:43:33,045 What's up, Jim? 719 00:43:33,207 --> 00:43:35,084 Duncan... 720 00:43:35,407 --> 00:43:38,479 - I have a problem. - You're not gong to support me. 721 00:43:38,647 --> 00:43:40,717 - Yes. No. - Yes, no? 722 00:43:40,887 --> 00:43:42,240 Exactly. 723 00:43:42,407 --> 00:43:45,717 Some information has come my way. 724 00:43:45,887 --> 00:43:48,845 - Oh, yes? - Serious information. 725 00:43:49,007 --> 00:43:53,683 Concerning your personal financial operations. 726 00:43:54,287 --> 00:43:55,800 I beg your pardon? 727 00:43:55,967 --> 00:43:58,561 About the collapse of Continental and General. 728 00:43:58,727 --> 00:44:00,001 That was just bad luck. 729 00:44:00,167 --> 00:44:03,364 The transfer of funds to directors' nominee companies. 730 00:44:03,527 --> 00:44:06,837 - There's nothing wrong with that. - Technically, but... 731 00:44:07,007 --> 00:44:10,886 In conjunction with a similar case at Offshore Securities? 732 00:44:12,767 --> 00:44:16,282 - Where did you get all this? - Sorry, but if you're running for PM 733 00:44:16,447 --> 00:44:19,519 I shall feel obliged to share what I know 734 00:44:20,167 --> 00:44:21,885 with senior party members. 735 00:44:22,047 --> 00:44:25,005 If it came out into the open, there'd have to be 736 00:44:25,167 --> 00:44:28,000 an enquiry by the inland Revenue, Fraud Squad. 737 00:44:29,527 --> 00:44:33,600 None of that need matter if it’s all above-board. 738 00:44:33,767 --> 00:44:36,884 And I'm sure it is, if you say so, Duncan. 739 00:44:41,487 --> 00:44:45,366 - There was nothing improper. - Good, then I'm free to talk about it, 740 00:44:45,527 --> 00:44:48,599 - bring it all out into the open. - Hold on! 741 00:44:48,767 --> 00:44:52,601 Financial matters can be misinterpreted. People will misunderstand. 742 00:44:52,767 --> 00:44:54,041 How true. 743 00:44:54,527 --> 00:44:58,805 Look, Jim, I'm not sure that I really want Number 10. 744 00:45:00,407 --> 00:45:03,479 The Foreign Office Is a better job in many ways. 745 00:45:03,647 --> 00:45:05,239 But I won't support Eric. 746 00:45:06,647 --> 00:45:09,115 Suppose Eric didn’t get it? 747 00:45:09,687 --> 00:45:12,520 How would it be if you were to transfer 748 00:45:12,687 --> 00:45:15,759 all your support to someone else? 749 00:45:16,167 --> 00:45:17,282 Who? 750 00:45:17,447 --> 00:45:20,962 It would have to be somebody who recognised your qualities, 751 00:45:21,127 --> 00:45:23,846 who'd want you to stay at the Foreign Office. 752 00:45:24,007 --> 00:45:27,602 Someone who could be discreet about Continental and General. 753 00:45:28,447 --> 00:45:30,642 Someone you could trust. 754 00:45:31,527 --> 00:45:33,483 An old friend. 755 00:45:37,807 --> 00:45:40,196 Do you mean you? 756 00:45:40,367 --> 00:45:44,485 Me? I have absolutely no ambition in that direction. 757 00:45:44,647 --> 00:45:46,842 You do mean you! 758 00:45:49,247 --> 00:45:52,398 - I see. - You do realise this is serious, Eric? 759 00:45:52,567 --> 00:45:54,797 Yes. And you're not gong to help me, right? 760 00:45:54,967 --> 00:45:55,956 Yes. 761 00:45:56,327 --> 00:45:58,238 - You are or you’re not? - Yes. 762 00:45:58,407 --> 00:45:59,396 Jim! 763 00:45:59,567 --> 00:46:02,923 I'm gong to help you, but not to become PM. 764 00:46:03,087 --> 00:46:04,315 You said you were. 765 00:46:04,487 --> 00:46:08,002 Until I heard about the lady from Argentina. 766 00:46:08,527 --> 00:46:11,485 - And others. - I see. 767 00:46:11,967 --> 00:46:14,561 As Party Chairman I have my duty. 768 00:46:14,727 --> 00:46:16,797 It'd be a disaster for the party 769 00:46:16,967 --> 00:46:19,527 if you became PM and all this came out. 770 00:46:19,687 --> 00:46:23,760 I wouldn't care to have to explain it to Her Majesty. 771 00:46:23,927 --> 00:46:25,758 Would you? 772 00:46:26,607 --> 00:46:28,438 I'll withdraw. 773 00:46:29,087 --> 00:46:31,521 I think that's very sensible. 774 00:46:32,407 --> 00:46:35,365 So we'll say no more about it to anyone. 775 00:46:35,887 --> 00:46:37,320 Thanks, Jim. 776 00:46:37,487 --> 00:46:40,604 So Duncan will get Number 10. My God! 777 00:46:40,767 --> 00:46:42,519 Not if I can help it. 778 00:46:42,687 --> 00:46:45,485 - Who, then? - Cheers. 779 00:46:47,567 --> 00:46:50,604 - You don't mean you? - Me? 780 00:46:50,767 --> 00:46:53,918 Our children are reaching the age where Annie and I 781 00:46:54,087 --> 00:46:56,601 are hoping to spend more time together. 782 00:46:56,767 --> 00:46:58,439 You do mean you! 783 00:47:00,487 --> 00:47:03,923 - Minister. - Humphrey, what's the hurry 784 00:47:04,087 --> 00:47:07,079 I've arranged a brief meeting with the European Commissioner. 785 00:47:07,247 --> 00:47:09,078 Maurice? He flew out this morning. 786 00:47:09,247 --> 00:47:11,636 - His flight’s been delayed. - So? 787 00:47:11,807 --> 00:47:15,482 We might persuade him to solve our sausage problem. 788 00:47:15,647 --> 00:47:17,000 How 789 00:47:17,647 --> 00:47:20,241 Excuse me... Yes? 790 00:47:20,407 --> 00:47:23,797 Oh, yes, ask him to come in, will you? Thank you. 791 00:47:25,007 --> 00:47:26,520 Leave it to me. 792 00:47:28,047 --> 00:47:31,323 Just, er, just give me support when I ask for it. 793 00:47:33,327 --> 00:47:36,319 - Ah, Maurice, how nice to see you. - Humphrey. 794 00:47:36,487 --> 00:47:40,446 - You know each other. - Jim, to what do I owe this pleasure? 795 00:47:43,207 --> 00:47:46,199 The Minister asked me to arrange this meeting 796 00:47:46,367 --> 00:47:48,756 to see if you could help us with a problem. 797 00:47:48,927 --> 00:47:49,916 Problem. 798 00:47:50,087 --> 00:47:51,202 Of course. 799 00:47:51,367 --> 00:47:56,157 The problem is that the EEC Is becoming very unpopular over here. 800 00:47:56,327 --> 00:47:58,397 - Isn't that so? - Very unpopular. 801 00:47:58,567 --> 00:48:00,603 - You want to restore its image? - Yes. 802 00:48:00,767 --> 00:48:02,405 - No. - No. 803 00:48:03,487 --> 00:48:06,957 The Minister feels there would be more votes... 804 00:48:07,127 --> 00:48:11,006 that he would be better expressing the views of the British people 805 00:48:11,167 --> 00:48:15,399 by joining the attack on the EEC rather than leaping to its defence. 806 00:48:15,567 --> 00:48:16,556 Exactly. 807 00:48:16,727 --> 00:48:19,321 But your party's committed to support us! 808 00:48:21,327 --> 00:48:24,683 The Minister's point, as I understand it, 809 00:48:24,847 --> 00:48:28,362 Is that the commitment Is to the concept and the treaty. 810 00:48:28,527 --> 00:48:31,485 - Treaty. - it’s not committed to the institutions, 811 00:48:31,647 --> 00:48:34,559 nor to the practices, nor to individual policies. 812 00:48:34,727 --> 00:48:39,562 The Minister was giving me an example the other day, weren't you, Minister? 813 00:48:42,047 --> 00:48:45,357 - About food production. - Oh, yes. 814 00:48:45,527 --> 00:48:48,360 I've discovered one of your officials pays farmers 815 00:48:48,527 --> 00:48:50,518 to produce masses of surplus food 816 00:48:50,687 --> 00:48:53,997 while the next office pays people to destroy the surpluses. 817 00:48:54,167 --> 00:48:56,727 - That's not true! - No? 818 00:48:56,887 --> 00:48:59,765 It's not the next office, not even the same floor! 819 00:49:01,167 --> 00:49:04,159 The Minister has hundreds of similar examples. 820 00:49:04,327 --> 00:49:05,396 Hundreds. 821 00:49:05,567 --> 00:49:07,046 The nub of the problem is, 822 00:49:07,207 --> 00:49:11,166 the Minister is starting to think that a member of the Cabinet 823 00:49:11,327 --> 00:49:14,558 ought to start telling the British people about them. 824 00:49:14,727 --> 00:49:17,002 But that would be intolerable! 825 00:49:17,167 --> 00:49:19,965 Even the Italians wouldn't stoop that low! 826 00:49:20,127 --> 00:49:23,642 The Italians aren't being asked to redesigned salami 827 00:49:23,807 --> 00:49:26,275 as emulsified high-fat offal tubing. 828 00:49:31,287 --> 00:49:33,676 And what are you proposing? 829 00:49:33,847 --> 00:49:36,759 After all, we are committed to harmonisation. 830 00:49:36,927 --> 00:49:38,724 We cannot call it a sausage. 831 00:49:38,887 --> 00:49:41,196 What do you suggest? 832 00:49:42,047 --> 00:49:44,766 Well, politics is about presentation. 833 00:49:44,927 --> 00:49:48,158 Why don’t we call it "the British sausage"? 834 00:49:48,807 --> 00:49:51,844 British sausage? Suisse Anglaise. 835 00:49:52,007 --> 00:49:55,397 Salsiccia inglese. Britisherwurst. 836 00:49:55,567 --> 00:50:00,197 Yes, I think we could... recommend that to the Commission. 837 00:50:00,367 --> 00:50:01,686 Splendid! 838 00:50:01,847 --> 00:50:06,079 The Minister's always said the EEC Is a splendid institution, haven't you? 839 00:50:06,247 --> 00:50:07,521 Splendid! 840 00:50:13,487 --> 00:50:16,160 The European correspondents are here now. 841 00:50:16,327 --> 00:50:17,555 Good. Let 'em in. 842 00:50:17,727 --> 00:50:19,479 Send them in. 843 00:50:19,647 --> 00:50:22,320 This is about the Euro sausage problem? 844 00:50:22,487 --> 00:50:23,715 That's right, Bernard. 845 00:50:23,887 --> 00:50:26,720 - That you've solved it. - No, Bernard. 846 00:50:26,887 --> 00:50:30,800 Solved problems aren't news. To the press, bad news is good news. 847 00:50:30,967 --> 00:50:33,401 I'm not gong to give them a non-story today. 848 00:50:33,567 --> 00:50:35,398 I'll give them a disaster today 849 00:50:35,567 --> 00:50:38,365 - and a triumph tomorrow. - I see. 850 00:50:39,087 --> 00:50:41,601 - Good morning, gentlemen! - Morning. 851 00:50:41,767 --> 00:50:44,600 Do sit down. Good of you to come. 852 00:50:44,767 --> 00:50:47,406 This is on a lobby basis, non-attributable. 853 00:50:47,567 --> 00:50:50,525 We've got some trouble coming up with Brussels. 854 00:50:50,687 --> 00:50:53,201 Somebody's gong to tell you some time, 855 00:50:53,367 --> 00:50:55,642 so I might as well tell you myself. 856 00:50:55,807 --> 00:51:01,245 The trouble is, Brussels is about to make the British sausage illegal 857 00:51:01,407 --> 00:51:04,160 - under EEC regulations. - Minister... 858 00:51:04,327 --> 00:51:07,000 not making the sausage illegal, just the name. 859 00:51:07,167 --> 00:51:09,806 Thank you, Bernard. I'll deal with that later. 860 00:51:10,527 --> 00:51:13,246 - What do you mean, "Illegal"? - Effectively illegal. 861 00:51:13,407 --> 00:51:16,683 The pork sausage will have to contain 75% lean pork. 862 00:51:16,847 --> 00:51:18,803 The same for the beef sausage. 863 00:51:21,847 --> 00:51:23,758 75% lean pork too? 864 00:51:25,127 --> 00:51:27,687 75% lean beef. 865 00:51:27,847 --> 00:51:31,681 - It would make it a luxury food. - When's this being promulgated? 866 00:51:31,847 --> 00:51:34,680 Next month, probably. They'll deny it, probably 867 00:51:34,847 --> 00:51:37,998 tell you they're just discussing changing its name. 868 00:51:38,167 --> 00:51:41,842 - What is the government gong to do? - I just don't know. 869 00:51:42,007 --> 00:51:44,805 It's a big problem. I won't pretend we've got an answer. 870 00:51:46,207 --> 00:51:48,960 Well, I must rush. Any more questions? 871 00:51:49,127 --> 00:51:52,358 - When can we use this? - Tomorrow, as far as I'm concerned. 872 00:51:52,527 --> 00:51:56,805 Bernard will give you a drink in the press office. Thanks for coming. 873 00:51:57,847 --> 00:52:01,840 You realise the press will be printing something that isn’t true? 874 00:52:02,007 --> 00:52:03,201 Really? 875 00:52:04,207 --> 00:52:05,765 How frightful! 876 00:52:08,767 --> 00:52:11,679 Today's story about the proposed European ban 877 00:52:11,847 --> 00:52:13,360 on the British sausage 878 00:52:13,527 --> 00:52:16,087 has caused a major political storm. 879 00:52:16,247 --> 00:52:19,956 Westminster sources say the sausage could be another banana skin. 880 00:52:20,127 --> 00:52:23,358 It adds to the government's problems with the succession. 881 00:52:23,527 --> 00:52:25,563 Members are troubled by the fact that 882 00:52:25,727 --> 00:52:28,241 the two obvious candidates for the leadership 883 00:52:28,407 --> 00:52:30,637 represent the extreme wings of the party. 884 00:52:31,047 --> 00:52:33,561 Pressure is mounting for them to withdraw 885 00:52:33,727 --> 00:52:35,638 in favour of a compromise candidate. 886 00:52:35,807 --> 00:52:40,323 No other contender seems to have caught the public imagination. 887 00:52:40,487 --> 00:52:43,126 - Now sport... - Turn it off, Donald. 888 00:52:45,047 --> 00:52:48,357 Is it true about the compromise candidate? 889 00:52:48,527 --> 00:52:49,676 I believe so. 890 00:52:49,847 --> 00:52:54,204 - Where do they get their information? - I can't Imagine, Bernard! 891 00:52:54,367 --> 00:52:57,564 Anyway, I never said compromise. I said moderate. 892 00:52:58,807 --> 00:53:03,642 Incidentally, why are BBC TV and ITN covering your speech this evening? 893 00:53:03,807 --> 00:53:05,798 I can't imagine, Bernard. 894 00:53:05,967 --> 00:53:08,083 I know that fire and safety policy 895 00:53:08,247 --> 00:53:11,603 in government buildings Is awfully important, but... 896 00:53:11,767 --> 00:53:13,200 Maybe someone suggested 897 00:53:13,367 --> 00:53:16,120 I was gong to raise other issues as well. 898 00:53:16,447 --> 00:53:20,235 - Who? - I can't imagine, Bernard. 899 00:53:22,807 --> 00:53:27,244 I am a good European. I believe in the European ideal. 900 00:53:27,407 --> 00:53:32,242 Never again shall we repeat the bloodshed of the two world wars. 901 00:53:32,407 --> 00:53:34,967 Europe is here to stay. 902 00:53:35,127 --> 00:53:36,958 But this does not mean 903 00:53:37,127 --> 00:53:40,199 that we have to bow the knee to every directive 904 00:53:40,367 --> 00:53:43,677 from every little bureaucratic Bonaparte in Brussels. 905 00:53:43,847 --> 00:53:48,284 We are a sovereign nation still. We are British and proud of it! 906 00:53:51,287 --> 00:53:53,847 We have made enough concessions 907 00:53:54,007 --> 00:53:56,441 to the European Commissar for Agriculture. 908 00:53:56,607 --> 00:54:00,156 When I say Commissar, I use the word advisedly. 909 00:54:00,327 --> 00:54:03,603 We've swallowed the wine lake and the butter mountain, 910 00:54:03,767 --> 00:54:07,521 we've watched our French friends beating up British lorry drivers 911 00:54:07,687 --> 00:54:09,996 carrying British lamb to the French. 912 00:54:10,167 --> 00:54:13,398 We have bowed and scraped, doffed our caps, 913 00:54:13,567 --> 00:54:16,206 tugged our forelocks and turned the other cheek, 914 00:54:16,367 --> 00:54:18,597 but I say enough is enough! 915 00:54:21,527 --> 00:54:23,438 The Europeans have gone too far. 916 00:54:23,607 --> 00:54:26,360 They are now threatening the British sausage. 917 00:54:26,527 --> 00:54:29,041 They want to standardise it, by which they mean 918 00:54:29,207 --> 00:54:32,324 they'll force us to eat salami and bratwurst 919 00:54:32,487 --> 00:54:34,682 and other garlic-ridden greasyfoods 920 00:54:34,847 --> 00:54:37,805 that are totally alien to the British way of life. 921 00:54:37,967 --> 00:54:42,245 Do you want salami for breakfast with your egg and bacon? I don't! I won't! 922 00:54:45,367 --> 00:54:49,963 They've turned our pints into litres and our yards into metres. 923 00:54:50,127 --> 00:54:52,277 We gave up the tanner, the three penny bit, 924 00:54:52,447 --> 00:54:54,358 the two-bob piece and the half crown, 925 00:54:54,527 --> 00:54:58,236 but they cannot and will not destroy the British sausage. 926 00:55:00,807 --> 00:55:02,763 Not while I'm here! 927 00:55:05,167 --> 00:55:08,921 In the words of Martin Luther, here I stand. 928 00:55:09,087 --> 00:55:10,566 I can do no more. 929 00:55:16,247 --> 00:55:19,762 - Strong stuff, Minister. - I feel strongly about it. 930 00:55:19,927 --> 00:55:22,566 I sometimes wonder whether you medal people realise 931 00:55:22,727 --> 00:55:24,763 how strongly we others feel 932 00:55:24,927 --> 00:55:28,602 about Britain, about our country. We love it and we're proud of it. 933 00:55:28,767 --> 00:55:31,839 You're at odds with government policy over the EEC? 934 00:55:32,007 --> 00:55:35,317 I'm very happy with government policy, Sir Ludovic. 935 00:55:35,487 --> 00:55:39,082 Just a guess. But it’s never been government policy 936 00:55:39,247 --> 00:55:41,238 to abolish the British sausage. 937 00:55:41,407 --> 00:55:45,525 Sausages are not only good to eat, they're full of top-quality nourishment. 938 00:55:45,687 --> 00:55:49,362 Brussels denies wanting to abolish the British sausage. 939 00:55:49,527 --> 00:55:51,882 They would. They know what they're up against. 940 00:55:52,047 --> 00:55:54,242 They know the strength of British opinion. 941 00:55:54,407 --> 00:55:57,604 Your speech got a lot of coverage and a lot of praise. 942 00:55:57,767 --> 00:56:01,362 - Was there any significance in the timing? - Sorry 943 00:56:01,527 --> 00:56:03,757 Your party is looking for a new leader 944 00:56:03,927 --> 00:56:06,441 and your name's been mentioned a few times. 945 00:56:07,127 --> 00:56:09,402 Oh. Quite a lot, I believe. 946 00:56:10,327 --> 00:56:13,399 But no, I've no ambitions at all in that direction. 947 00:56:13,567 --> 00:56:16,445 So you definitely won't let your name go forward? 948 00:56:17,727 --> 00:56:19,922 Well, Ludo... All I've... 949 00:56:21,807 --> 00:56:24,640 All I've ever wanted to do Is serve my country. 950 00:56:24,807 --> 00:56:26,718 I've never sought office. 951 00:56:26,887 --> 00:56:28,684 But if my colleagues persuaded me 952 00:56:28,847 --> 00:56:31,919 the best place to serve it from was 10 Downing Street, 953 00:56:32,087 --> 00:56:34,647 I might perhaps reluctantly be persuaded 954 00:56:34,807 --> 00:56:36,798 to undertake the responsibility 955 00:56:36,967 --> 00:56:39,845 whatever my own private wishes might be. 956 00:56:40,007 --> 00:56:43,363 If you're not in the running, who will you vote for? 957 00:56:43,527 --> 00:56:47,236 Well, it’s far too early to say. But I will say this. 958 00:56:47,407 --> 00:56:49,762 This is a time for healing. 959 00:56:49,927 --> 00:56:53,806 A time to stress what we agree about, 960 00:56:53,967 --> 00:56:56,083 not what we disagree about. 961 00:56:56,247 --> 00:56:59,205 We should be looking for the good in our opponents, 962 00:56:59,367 --> 00:57:01,642 not always looking for faults. 963 00:57:01,807 --> 00:57:04,924 There's good in everyone, you know, Ludo. 964 00:57:06,247 --> 00:57:08,886 - Except the French! - Except... 965 00:57:12,887 --> 00:57:14,843 Even the French. 966 00:57:22,247 --> 00:57:24,715 Minister, a message came from Central House 967 00:57:24,887 --> 00:57:26,525 while you were in committee. 968 00:57:26,687 --> 00:57:28,006 Yes? 969 00:57:28,167 --> 00:57:31,955 - They brought the party meeting forward. - Brought it forward? 970 00:57:32,127 --> 00:57:35,563 The committee will decide if they're gong to bring up 971 00:57:35,727 --> 00:57:37,877 another candidate to oppose you. 972 00:57:38,047 --> 00:57:40,561 The Chief Whip will phone as soon as it’s over. 973 00:57:40,727 --> 00:57:44,197 W-W-Will he... W-What will they... What lf... 974 00:57:44,887 --> 00:57:46,798 Which phone? 975 00:57:46,967 --> 00:57:49,003 - What? - Which phone will he rlng on? 976 00:57:49,167 --> 00:57:51,727 Oh. Er, this one, probably. 977 00:57:52,727 --> 00:57:54,365 Or this one. 978 00:57:55,807 --> 00:57:57,286 Either, really. 979 00:57:57,447 --> 00:57:59,836 If Duncan and Eric withdraw, which they will, 980 00:58:00,007 --> 00:58:01,406 they might not support me. 981 00:58:01,567 --> 00:58:02,716 That means an election. 982 00:58:02,887 --> 00:58:06,038 You're the favourite candidate for both sides, 983 00:58:06,207 --> 00:58:09,165 - so you'll be unopposed. - That's what they say. 984 00:58:10,367 --> 00:58:13,120 Oh, well... No point in worrying about it. 985 00:58:13,927 --> 00:58:17,602 Might as well sit down and relax. 986 00:58:19,887 --> 00:58:21,400 Yes? 987 00:58:22,967 --> 00:58:24,400 Yes. 988 00:58:26,607 --> 00:58:27,926 Yes. 989 00:58:30,047 --> 00:58:31,366 Yes. 990 00:58:31,527 --> 00:58:34,041 Bernard has an urgent message. 991 00:58:34,767 --> 00:58:37,565 Minister, the Palace have been on the phone. 992 00:58:37,727 --> 00:58:38,955 The Palace? Why? 993 00:58:39,127 --> 00:58:41,960 Will you be free to kiss hands at five o'clock? 994 00:58:42,127 --> 00:58:44,846 In the event of an unopposed recommendation. 995 00:58:48,647 --> 00:58:51,525 I think I might be able to make that. 996 00:59:01,527 --> 00:59:03,324 Bernard... 997 00:59:03,487 --> 00:59:06,001 Supposing... You know if I... 998 00:59:09,567 --> 00:59:11,956 I'd still want a Principal Private Secretary. 999 00:59:13,447 --> 00:59:16,325 - Do you think, er... - Oh, Minister. 1000 00:59:17,327 --> 00:59:18,760 Gosh! 1001 00:59:20,847 --> 00:59:23,884 - That'll be all right, won't it, Humphrey? - Well... 1002 00:59:24,047 --> 00:59:26,402 The Prime Minister's word is law. 1003 00:59:33,847 --> 00:59:35,166 Yes? 1004 00:59:36,967 --> 00:59:38,286 Yes. 1005 00:59:39,407 --> 00:59:40,726 Yes. 1006 00:59:42,207 --> 00:59:44,004 Yes, he's here. 1007 00:59:46,247 --> 00:59:48,124 I'll tell him. 1008 00:59:48,887 --> 00:59:51,447 It... it... it... is... 1009 00:59:52,447 --> 00:59:54,563 Is it me? 1010 00:59:54,727 --> 00:59:57,036 Yes, Prime Minister!