1
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Hello, darling!
2
00:00:45,171 --> 00:00:47,764
Ah, the news! Got to me yet?
3
00:00:47,932 --> 00:00:52,322
- No. What have you done now?
- A sensational Question Time.
4
00:00:52,492 --> 00:00:57,088
- I really made mincemeat of them.
- They haven't mentioned it yet.
5
00:00:57,251 --> 00:00:59,639
- Typical BBC.
- It's not BBC.
6
00:00:59,811 --> 00:01:02,405
- Typical ITV.
- It's Channel 4.
7
00:01:02,572 --> 00:01:07,010
Well, what can you expect? Turn it up, then.
8
00:01:07,251 --> 00:01:11,769
There's growing anxiety for the fate of Benji,
an 0ld English sheepdog,
9
00:01:11,932 --> 00:01:17,800
who last night got under the wire
and into the artillery range on Salisbury Plain.
10
00:01:17,972 --> 00:01:21,488
Benji belongs to 8-year-old Linda Fletcher.
11
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Linda lost both her parents in a car crash.
Both she and Benji survived.
12
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Unfortunately, the area is full of unexploded
shells and is highly dangerous
13
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except for one fixed road. Benji is a long way
from the road and seems to be lost.
14
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The Army expressed their regrets,
but say that unless he comes to the road
15
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there's nothing they can do. If nothing happens
soon, he will either starve or be blown up.
16
00:01:47,811 --> 00:01:52,443
Linda is preparing to spend
another night's vigil on Salisbury Plain,
17
00:01:52,653 --> 00:01:57,443
hoping that Benji will come back.
And that's the news this evening.
18
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,444
- Are you sure you watched all of the news?
- Yes.
19
00:02:01,613 --> 00:02:04,604
- Was it on, the bit about me?
- No.
20
00:02:04,771 --> 00:02:10,528
- You said you watched it all.
- But one mentally tunes out the boring bits.
21
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:16,921
Not you, dear. You're not boring. Not to me,
even if you are to the rest of the country.
22
00:02:17,130 --> 00:02:22,127
The future defence of Britain was being
fought out in the great forum of the nation
23
00:02:22,291 --> 00:02:26,523
and what do they give the viewers?
A rerun of ''Lassie Come Home''!
24
00:02:26,731 --> 00:02:29,724
I think the Army ought to rescue that dog.
25
00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:35,130
Kids lose dogs every day.
Should the Army rescue every one of them?
26
00:02:35,291 --> 00:02:39,365
- You don't understand ordinary people.
- I am an ordinary person.
27
00:02:39,572 --> 00:02:43,166
- Oh, surely not (!)
- You want me to waste taxpayers' money
28
00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:45,686
on buying cheap popularity?
29
00:02:45,851 --> 00:02:50,367
Sometimes you have to do things
that aren't economic in a civilised society.
30
00:02:50,572 --> 00:02:55,965
Write a paper on that and submit it
to the Treasury. We don't get many laughs!
31
00:02:57,613 --> 00:03:02,403
- The Director General of MI5, Prime Minister.
- Ah, hello, Geoffrey. Come along in.
32
00:03:02,572 --> 00:03:04,961
Thank you, Prime Minister.
33
00:03:05,130 --> 00:03:08,249
Eh, I wonder if...
34
00:03:08,452 --> 00:03:11,840
Oh, that's all right.
I always have Bernard present.
35
00:03:12,050 --> 00:03:18,367
- Not this time, Prime Minister.
- Ah. I don't always have Bernard present.
36
00:03:20,291 --> 00:03:24,204
Do sit down.
I don't have any papers for this meeting.
37
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:27,363
- No, it's too serious.
- Why?
38
00:03:28,572 --> 00:03:33,363
- We've just received some information.
- Isn't that what you're supposed to do?
39
00:03:33,532 --> 00:03:38,810
- Do you know John Halsted?
- Your predecessor. Died last month.
40
00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:43,801
He left his personal papers to us.
We've started to go through them.
41
00:03:43,972 --> 00:03:48,807
He was passing government secrets to Moscow
in the '50s and '60s.
42
00:03:49,412 --> 00:03:54,406
- The head of MI5?! A Russian agent?
- So it seems.
43
00:03:54,573 --> 00:03:59,363
- Why did he leave his papers to you?
- His will said it was a final act of conscience.
44
00:03:59,533 --> 00:04:04,481
I think it's just posthumous gloating.
Showing us he could get away with it.
45
00:04:04,693 --> 00:04:08,685
- How much did he tell them?
- That hardly matters.
46
00:04:08,852 --> 00:04:13,051
With Burgess, McLean, Philby, Blake
and Fuchs and the Krogers,
47
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:16,010
one more didn't make much more difference.
48
00:04:16,812 --> 00:04:20,488
- The point is he was one of us.
- One of us?
49
00:04:20,693 --> 00:04:24,890
Joined MI5 straight from Cambridge,
Civil Service all his life.
50
00:04:25,051 --> 00:04:30,207
If this ever gets out, all of us recruited
in his time will be suspects for ever.
51
00:04:30,412 --> 00:04:33,484
Yes. ..You're not a spy, are you?
52
00:04:34,972 --> 00:04:37,566
Only joking. You're not, are you? No...
53
00:04:39,493 --> 00:04:44,486
This is not all. We held an internal security
investigation into Sir John in the '70s.
54
00:04:44,653 --> 00:04:47,644
- There was a lot of speculation. Remember?
- Vaguely.
55
00:04:47,812 --> 00:04:50,280
All totally irresponsible and ill-informed.
56
00:04:50,452 --> 00:04:53,488
- When the press suggested he was a spy?
- Yes.
57
00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:56,685
- Well, he was.
- But they didn't know that!
58
00:04:56,852 --> 00:05:01,368
They were being totally ignorant.
They just happened to be accurate.
59
00:05:03,211 --> 00:05:06,760
Anyway, the inquiry cleared him completely,
60
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:10,926
but they missed some rather obvious
questions and checks.
61
00:05:11,091 --> 00:05:13,560
So obvious that...well... One wonders.
62
00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:15,568
Yes.
63
00:05:16,211 --> 00:05:18,600
What does one wonder?
64
00:05:18,812 --> 00:05:22,247
One wonders about the chaps who cleared him.
65
00:05:22,412 --> 00:05:25,961
I see. Whether they were stupid, you mean?
66
00:05:26,171 --> 00:05:29,481
No, Prime Minister. Whether they were also...
67
00:05:29,693 --> 00:05:32,685
Spies?! My God!
68
00:05:32,852 --> 00:05:37,642
- Who headed that inquiry?
- Old Lord MacIver, but he was ill a lot.
69
00:05:37,812 --> 00:05:43,649
Well, ga-ga, actually. So, effectively,
it was the secretary who conducted it.
70
00:05:43,852 --> 00:05:48,481
- Who was the secretary?
- Humphrey Appleby.
71
00:05:48,693 --> 00:05:51,490
- Humphrey?!
- Yes, Prime Minister.
72
00:05:51,693 --> 00:05:56,685
- You think he may have been a spy, too?
- It's a remote possibility, but very unlikely.
73
00:05:56,852 --> 00:05:59,318
- He's one of us.
- So was John Halsted.
74
00:06:00,412 --> 00:06:04,086
Well, yes, but there's no other evidence
against Humphrey.
75
00:06:04,292 --> 00:06:08,568
Might he have been covering up for one of us...
one of you?
76
00:06:08,772 --> 00:06:13,368
I suppose so, but I have no doubts at all
about his loyalty.
77
00:06:13,533 --> 00:06:18,401
- It's much more likely to be just...
- Hideous incompetence.
78
00:06:18,613 --> 00:06:23,323
We haven't been through the rest of his papers.
You could hold an inquiry into Sir Humphrey.
79
00:06:23,533 --> 00:06:28,127
- Could I?
- Well, I wouldn't recommend it at this stage.
80
00:06:28,292 --> 00:06:31,408
We don't want more irresponsible speculation.
81
00:06:31,613 --> 00:06:35,207
- Even if it's accurate.
- Especially if it's accurate.
82
00:06:35,372 --> 00:06:40,729
There's nothing worse than accurate,
irresponsible, ill-informed press speculation.
83
00:06:40,932 --> 00:06:46,528
You could send Humphrey off on gardening leave
while we examine the Halsted papers.
84
00:06:46,731 --> 00:06:49,930
- Gardening leave?
- And you could confront him.
85
00:06:50,091 --> 00:06:55,325
- The substantive evidence is all here.
- Shouldn't we just forget about it?
86
00:06:55,533 --> 00:06:57,921
Well, obviously, it's your decision,
87
00:06:58,091 --> 00:07:03,086
but if you did nothing and it emerged later
that Sir Humphrey...that he was...
88
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:07,084
..one of them, well, it might not look too good.
89
00:07:07,252 --> 00:07:13,441
Not to mention that as Cabinet Secretary
he co-ordinates our security services.
90
00:07:13,613 --> 00:07:16,843
- There are no secrets from him.
- You're right.
91
00:07:17,051 --> 00:07:21,841
But I find it hard enough to believe
that one of us was one of them.
92
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:25,401
But if two of us were one of them...
93
00:07:27,211 --> 00:07:29,408
Two of them.
94
00:07:29,573 --> 00:07:31,961
..all of us could be, um...
95
00:07:32,171 --> 00:07:34,560
All of them.
96
00:07:34,731 --> 00:07:37,528
Thank you, Geoffrey. I've heard enough.
97
00:07:38,613 --> 00:07:42,127
Awful! Another three points down in the polls.
98
00:07:42,332 --> 00:07:47,530
- Not the government. Only your personal rating.
- What have I done wrong?
99
00:07:47,693 --> 00:07:53,243
- Low popularity usually means doing it right.
- It's not my failure to get defence cuts?
100
00:07:53,452 --> 00:07:59,801
To be honest, I don't think defence cuts are the
principal topic of conversation in supermarkets.
101
00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:03,606
- What is?
- To judge from the popular press,
102
00:08:03,771 --> 00:08:06,569
it's the lost dog on Salisbury Plain.
103
00:08:06,771 --> 00:08:10,243
Perhaps the government needs a lost dog policy.
104
00:08:10,452 --> 00:08:15,046
- Anything else, Prime Minister?
- Yes, there is something else.
105
00:08:15,211 --> 00:08:20,002
- A security matter. Bernard, would you mind?
- I'm sorry?
106
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:35,203
- What are you doing?
- Well, I thought...
107
00:08:35,372 --> 00:08:40,524
- There wasn't anyone...
- I was just hoping you'd leave us alone.
108
00:08:41,613 --> 00:08:43,408
Oh!
109
00:08:43,573 --> 00:08:46,484
Oh. Yes.
110
00:08:51,211 --> 00:08:53,408
- Prime Minister.
- Yes, Humphrey.
111
00:08:55,211 --> 00:08:59,808
There's something I want to talk to you about.
Something...very secret.
112
00:09:04,412 --> 00:09:07,006
Would it be easier if I wasn't here?
113
00:09:12,613 --> 00:09:15,604
A few years ago, there was a security inquiry.
114
00:09:15,770 --> 00:09:18,970
Does the name Sir John Halsted ring a bell?
115
00:09:19,171 --> 00:09:23,644
Yes, of course. In fact,
I had to conduct the inquiry myself, virtually.
116
00:09:23,850 --> 00:09:28,243
- And you found nothing incriminating?
- Of course not.
117
00:09:28,412 --> 00:09:32,403
John Halsted was one of us.
We'd been friends for years.
118
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,961
The whole story was got up by the press
119
00:09:35,131 --> 00:09:39,649
and the whole object of internal security
inquiries is to find no evidence.
120
00:09:39,850 --> 00:09:42,366
Even if the security of the realm is at risk?
121
00:09:42,573 --> 00:09:46,769
If you really believe that,
you call in the Special Branch.
122
00:09:46,930 --> 00:09:51,528
Government security inquiries are only used
for killing press stories.
123
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:56,287
They enable the Prime Minister
to stand up in the House and say,
124
00:09:56,452 --> 00:09:58,921
''There is no evidence for these charges.''
125
00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:04,729
- What if you found something suspicious?
- Practically all of government is suspicious.
126
00:10:04,890 --> 00:10:10,171
The fact that you asked Bernard to leave us
alone might be construed as suspicious.
127
00:10:10,372 --> 00:10:13,761
- Indeed.
- But the whole story was clearly a nonsense.
128
00:10:13,930 --> 00:10:16,649
Typical Fleet Street sensationalism.
129
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:22,689
- So he wasn't passing secrets to Moscow?
- Impossible. Out of the question.
130
00:10:22,850 --> 00:10:25,685
- You'd stake your reputation on it?
- Without hesitation.
131
00:10:25,890 --> 00:10:31,488
I see. Well, I'm afraid I have to tell you
that for a substantial part of his career
132
00:10:31,653 --> 00:10:34,644
he was a Russian spy.
133
00:10:36,292 --> 00:10:39,091
I don't believe it. Who says so?
134
00:10:39,292 --> 00:10:44,685
He does. He left his papers to the government,
including a detailed confession. MI5 agrees.
135
00:10:44,850 --> 00:10:47,444
It checks out all along the line.
136
00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:49,408
But...
137
00:10:49,573 --> 00:10:52,528
Good Lord, he... I mean, he was...
138
00:10:52,730 --> 00:10:57,488
- One of us?
- Exactly! This leaves a lot of questions.
139
00:10:57,692 --> 00:11:01,845
Yes, and I'm asking you -
why didn't you ask him a lot of questions?
140
00:11:04,091 --> 00:11:07,403
Why did the inquiry exonerate him so quickly?
141
00:11:07,613 --> 00:11:12,323
I've already told you!
Anyway, we were very busy. Besides...
142
00:11:13,810 --> 00:11:18,247
Good Lord! You don't think...?
I mean, surely nobody suspects...?
143
00:11:18,452 --> 00:11:23,243
- What else was I expected to do?
- You could have held a proper inquiry.
144
00:11:23,412 --> 00:11:27,484
- He had a surprisingly long stay in Yugoslavia.
- Yes?
145
00:11:27,692 --> 00:11:32,560
Shortly afterwards, several MI5 agents
were rounded up and never seen again.
146
00:11:32,770 --> 00:11:36,368
- Yes...
- He spent a lot of time with one interpreter.
147
00:11:36,533 --> 00:11:40,524
And she turned out to be a Russian agent.
We knew that.
148
00:11:40,692 --> 00:11:43,287
Most Yugoslav interpreters are Russian agents.
149
00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:46,091
Those who aren't with the CIA, that is.
150
00:11:46,292 --> 00:11:49,568
- You never followed it up.
- I had better things to do.
151
00:11:49,770 --> 00:11:54,368
Three months later, she moved to England
and settled in Cambridge,
152
00:11:54,533 --> 00:11:59,653
150 yards from Sir John Halsted's house.
They were neighbours for the next 11 years.
153
00:11:59,850 --> 00:12:01,841
Crikey!
154
00:12:03,613 --> 00:12:08,403
You can't check up on everything!
You never know what you might find!
155
00:12:08,573 --> 00:12:13,439
- If you have such a suspicious mind...
- Hold security inquiries.
156
00:12:13,653 --> 00:12:15,644
Ye...no!
157
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:20,167
John gave me his word. Halsted.
The word of a gentleman.
158
00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:23,408
Anyway, I have a problem. You.
159
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:27,404
Me? You don't think...?
160
00:12:27,573 --> 00:12:29,961
You couldn't think...
161
00:12:30,970 --> 00:12:33,564
I don't speak a word of Russian!
162
00:12:35,613 --> 00:12:38,444
It was either incompetence or collusion.
163
00:12:38,653 --> 00:12:41,323
I give you my word it wasn't collusion!
164
00:12:41,533 --> 00:12:46,810
- The word of a gentleman?
- Exactly! An Oxford gentleman.
165
00:12:47,011 --> 00:12:51,211
- How's the garden?
- Oh, well, it...
166
00:12:53,730 --> 00:12:56,930
- I beseech you, not gardening leave.
- Why not?
167
00:12:57,131 --> 00:13:01,761
- I have my reputation to think of!
- You staked that on Halsted's innocence.
168
00:13:02,890 --> 00:13:08,328
- I think I'll talk to your predecessor.
- Arnold? Why?
169
00:13:08,533 --> 00:13:11,000
I've no experience of this sort of thing.
170
00:13:11,171 --> 00:13:15,689
I need Arnold's advice on setting up
a security inquiry on a Cabinet Secretary.
171
00:13:15,890 --> 00:13:18,279
Anyway, thank you, Humphrey.
172
00:13:19,810 --> 00:13:21,961
That will be all.
173
00:13:22,171 --> 00:13:24,049
Yes...
174
00:13:25,613 --> 00:13:28,252
For the time being.
175
00:13:28,452 --> 00:13:31,011
Don't discuss this with Arnold.
176
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:35,408
Of course not, Prime Minister!
I wouldn't dream of it.
177
00:13:37,011 --> 00:13:39,479
So what do you think I should do, Arnold?
178
00:13:41,810 --> 00:13:46,283
Difficult. Depends a bit
on whether you actually were spying or not.
179
00:13:47,332 --> 00:13:51,403
- Arnold!
- One must keep an open mind.
180
00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:55,082
But I couldn't have been. I wasn't at Cambridge.
181
00:13:58,091 --> 00:14:00,479
I'm not one of them. I'm a married man.
182
00:14:01,810 --> 00:14:05,564
One of us.
I've been in the Civil Service all my life.
183
00:14:05,770 --> 00:14:09,002
- So had John Halsted.
- But he was different.
184
00:14:09,211 --> 00:14:12,680
- Why?
- Well, John used to believe in things. Causes.
185
00:14:12,850 --> 00:14:15,649
I've never believed in anything in my life!
186
00:14:17,810 --> 00:14:20,404
He had ideas. Original ideas.
187
00:14:20,573 --> 00:14:23,926
You know I've never done anything like that.
188
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:28,841
- Even if you were, I agree it mustn't get out.
- Do you, Arnold?
189
00:14:29,051 --> 00:14:32,841
Of course.
Giving information to Moscow is serious.
190
00:14:33,011 --> 00:14:36,480
- Giving information to anyone is serious.
- The Cabinet.
191
00:14:36,692 --> 00:14:42,961
A scandal like this could gravely weaken
the authority of the service. You mustn't confess.
192
00:14:43,171 --> 00:14:45,685
But I haven't done anything to confess to!
193
00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:50,091
Be that as it may,
there is still the other possibility.
194
00:14:50,252 --> 00:14:54,131
Let us assume, for the sake of argument,
that you are innocent.
195
00:14:54,332 --> 00:14:58,721
- Oh, thank you, Arnold.
- Just assuming, without prejudice.
196
00:14:58,890 --> 00:15:02,283
Then the question of incompetence arises.
197
00:15:02,493 --> 00:15:04,881
But I wasn't incompetent.
198
00:15:05,051 --> 00:15:09,408
You made it clear we were expected
to find no evidence against him.
199
00:15:09,613 --> 00:15:14,528
- I have no recollections of that.
- Oh! You know perfectly well.
200
00:15:14,730 --> 00:15:18,167
- You have written evidence of this?
- Of course not.
201
00:15:18,372 --> 00:15:22,158
So we return to the question
of your incompetence.
202
00:15:22,332 --> 00:15:26,721
You and I may know that you did the job
you were required to do,
203
00:15:26,890 --> 00:15:29,529
but it's hard to explain that to politicians.
204
00:15:29,730 --> 00:15:35,203
- Do they have to know?
- Not if we can help it. The PM is the danger.
205
00:15:35,372 --> 00:15:38,808
- He may want to tell people.
- He mustn't!
206
00:15:38,970 --> 00:15:41,609
- Can you stop him?
- I don't know.
207
00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:47,408
You have to stop him. Suppose he told
the Cabinet? And they decided to suspend you?
208
00:15:47,573 --> 00:15:51,404
Remove you to the chairmanship
of the War Graves Commission?
209
00:15:52,810 --> 00:15:56,009
- They couldn't!
- They could, but they mustn't.
210
00:15:56,171 --> 00:16:00,163
- But not because of you. You are expendable.
- I'm not!
211
00:16:00,372 --> 00:16:05,924
Once they accept the principle that senior civil
servants can be removed for incompetence,
212
00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:12,529
that would be thin end of the wedge. We could
lose dozens of our chaps. Hundreds, perhaps!
213
00:16:12,730 --> 00:16:16,167
Thousands. Arnold, what am I going to do?
214
00:16:16,372 --> 00:16:20,966
I suggest you make yourself so valuable
to the Prime Minister over the next few days
215
00:16:21,131 --> 00:16:23,363
that he cannot afford to let you go.
216
00:16:23,573 --> 00:16:28,363
- How?
- What is he really dead set on at the moment?
217
00:16:28,533 --> 00:16:33,926
- Popularity.
- That is what all politicians are dead set on.
218
00:16:34,131 --> 00:16:36,488
But he's dropping at the moment in the polls.
219
00:16:36,692 --> 00:16:39,082
Then you must lift him up again.
220
00:16:39,252 --> 00:16:43,131
Give him a popular role
in the biggest current news story.
221
00:16:43,332 --> 00:16:48,042
Well, the biggest current news story
is a lost dog on Salisbury Plain.
222
00:16:48,252 --> 00:16:50,845
- Well?
- Oh, Arnold.
223
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:55,961
Are you suggesting that I have the Prime
Minister crawling all over Salisbury Plain
224
00:16:56,131 --> 00:17:00,649
with a mine detector in one hand
and a packet of Winalot in the other?
225
00:17:00,850 --> 00:17:05,845
It would probably do Britain less harm
than anything else he'd be likely to be doing.
226
00:17:07,930 --> 00:17:12,211
- The Permanent Secretary for Defence.
- Norman, good of you to come.
227
00:17:12,372 --> 00:17:15,171
How did my Secretary of State do in Cabinet?
228
00:17:15,332 --> 00:17:20,326
Well, so-so. I think Cabinet is starting
to resent his refusal to make defence cuts.
229
00:17:20,493 --> 00:17:22,881
- But he didn't back down?
- No.
230
00:17:23,051 --> 00:17:28,252
- Excellent. What can I do for you?
- Well, it's rather a sensitive one.
231
00:17:28,412 --> 00:17:30,403
- Cruise missiles?
- No.
232
00:17:30,573 --> 00:17:32,961
- Star Wars?
- No.
233
00:17:33,131 --> 00:17:36,122
- What, then?
- Em...
234
00:17:36,292 --> 00:17:39,488
It's this dog on Salisbury Plain.
235
00:17:41,292 --> 00:17:47,082
Oh, that! The PM getting his knickers
in a twist? Don't worry. It's all under control.
236
00:17:47,252 --> 00:17:51,038
- Oh, really?
- It will starve to death by the weekend.
237
00:17:51,211 --> 00:17:55,604
They'll recover the body
and bury it just outside the gates.
238
00:17:55,770 --> 00:18:00,560
Guards resting at arms reversed.
The C.O. comforting the weeping little girl.
239
00:18:00,730 --> 00:18:04,725
Telly will lap it up, lovely pictures in the Sundays.
240
00:18:04,930 --> 00:18:10,243
- How about rescuing it?
- Don't be silly, Humphrey. It's dangerous.
241
00:18:10,452 --> 00:18:13,328
- But to do it safely.
- Safely?
242
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:19,488
A squadron of Royal Engineers with mine
detectors, the Veterinary Corps with stun darts,
243
00:18:19,653 --> 00:18:25,046
a helicopter with winching equipment
and a bill up in the hundreds of thousands
244
00:18:25,211 --> 00:18:29,000
for a dog you could replace for a fiver
at the local pet shop!
245
00:18:29,211 --> 00:18:31,408
But it could be done?
246
00:18:31,573 --> 00:18:34,689
- If you've got the money.
- Could you do it?
247
00:18:34,890 --> 00:18:39,680
You must be mad! Here we are
under the greatest pressure to cut spending
248
00:18:39,850 --> 00:18:44,845
and you suggest that we waste hundreds
of thousands in front of the press on a dog!
249
00:18:45,011 --> 00:18:47,649
It would be departmental suicide.
250
00:18:47,850 --> 00:18:53,644
Yes, but if the Prime Minister were
to authorise it, if it was his initiative,
251
00:18:53,810 --> 00:18:58,841
wouldn't it make it harder for him
to insist on defence cuts after that?
252
00:18:59,051 --> 00:19:01,644
Humphrey, you excel yourself.
253
00:19:02,810 --> 00:19:08,283
Especially if he didn't find out the true size
of the cost until after the rescue.
254
00:19:08,493 --> 00:19:10,881
What do you want me to do?
255
00:19:11,051 --> 00:19:15,328
Put the rescue operation on standby
in strict confidence.
256
00:19:15,533 --> 00:19:18,328
And promise me the PM will get all the credit.
257
00:19:18,493 --> 00:19:24,122
No nonsense about your Secretary of State
trying to muscle in on all the publicity.
258
00:19:24,332 --> 00:19:28,484
- You've been briefed by MI5?
- Indeed, Prime Minister. Unfortunate.
259
00:19:28,692 --> 00:19:32,765
- Disastrous.
- Not disastrous. It will never come out.
260
00:19:32,970 --> 00:19:37,091
- Things are only disastrous if people find out?
- Of course.
261
00:19:38,412 --> 00:19:40,801
Even if the Cabinet Secretary is a spy?
262
00:19:41,011 --> 00:19:44,403
- I'm happy to say that is not the case.
- Why so sure?
263
00:19:44,573 --> 00:19:49,363
MI5 have just come across this
in the Halsted papers, from his private diary.
264
00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:54,769
''Another session with that prize goof Appleby.
265
00:19:56,211 --> 00:20:00,408
''Fooled him completely.
He never asked any difficult questions,
266
00:20:00,573 --> 00:20:02,961
''didn't seem to have read the MI5 report.
267
00:20:03,131 --> 00:20:07,921
''So much wool in his head
it's child's play to pull it over his eyes.''
268
00:20:08,930 --> 00:20:12,479
- That certainly...
- Exonerates Sir Humphrey.
269
00:20:12,692 --> 00:20:17,082
Arnold...I can't tell you
how happy this makes me.
270
00:20:19,171 --> 00:20:23,006
- Shall I...?
- No, no. I'll keep this.
271
00:20:24,372 --> 00:20:27,363
I take it there's nothing for me to investigate?
272
00:20:27,573 --> 00:20:31,961
- Not on security grounds.
- Good. I'll take up no more of your time.
273
00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:34,966
Hold on. There's still the incompetence.
274
00:20:35,171 --> 00:20:38,368
Well, of course, we all make mistakes.
275
00:20:38,573 --> 00:20:43,167
- Not on that scale. Think I should sack him?
- I hardly think so.
276
00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:47,966
- No? Should civil servants never be sacked?
- If they deserve it, of course.
277
00:20:48,131 --> 00:20:50,564
In principle, but not in practice.
278
00:20:50,770 --> 00:20:55,162
- Why not?
- There would have to be an inquiry.
279
00:20:55,332 --> 00:21:01,519
All inquiries into the incompetence of civil
servants lead back to mistakes by ministers.
280
00:21:01,730 --> 00:21:06,520
- On second thoughts, leave it with me.
- Thank you, Prime Minister.
281
00:21:10,810 --> 00:21:13,609
- (KNOCKING)
- Sir Humphrey.
282
00:21:13,770 --> 00:21:16,765
(ENTHUSIASTICALLY)
Show him in, Bernard. Show him in!
283
00:21:19,573 --> 00:21:22,292
- Prime Minister.
- Ah!
284
00:21:22,493 --> 00:21:24,609
Goofy. Er, Humphrey.
285
00:21:27,692 --> 00:21:31,810
I'm happy to tell you
you've been cleared of spying.
286
00:21:32,011 --> 00:21:35,801
- How?
- Something Sir John Halsted wrote.
287
00:21:35,970 --> 00:21:39,167
- Oh, that's very gratifying.
- Isn't it?
288
00:21:39,372 --> 00:21:44,162
- May one see the document?
- One certainly may.
289
00:21:44,372 --> 00:21:46,841
Better still, one can have it read to one.
290
00:21:49,692 --> 00:21:56,243
''May 28th. Another session with that prize goof
Appleby. Fooled him completely...''
291
00:21:56,452 --> 00:22:01,243
- Yes, thank you.
- No, it goes on. It clears you even more.
292
00:22:01,412 --> 00:22:06,327
- ''He never asked any difficult questions...''
- Yes, that's quite clear.
293
00:22:06,533 --> 00:22:11,524
''So much wool in his head, it's child's play
to pull it over his eyes.'' Isn't that wonderful?
294
00:22:11,692 --> 00:22:14,287
You must be a very happy man.
295
00:22:16,091 --> 00:22:18,926
Halsted was a hopeless judge of character.
296
00:22:19,131 --> 00:22:23,729
- You mean we can't believe this?
- Oh, no, no, no.
297
00:22:23,890 --> 00:22:26,279
No, no, it's absolutely true.
298
00:22:27,292 --> 00:22:29,680
True, that is, in the sense of...
299
00:22:30,613 --> 00:22:33,002
You see, he wasn't bright enough
300
00:22:33,171 --> 00:22:38,198
to understand subtle questioning techniques.
The non-confrontational approach.
301
00:22:38,412 --> 00:22:42,801
- Lulled him into a TRUE sense of security?
- No, no, no.
302
00:22:43,810 --> 00:22:46,122
Anyway, I take it it's all over now?
303
00:22:46,332 --> 00:22:52,167
The matter of collusion, yes. But would you
condone incompetence of this sort?
304
00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:56,761
It was a long time ago.
I had many other onerous duties.
305
00:22:56,970 --> 00:22:59,962
- You have many now.
- Yes. And, in fact...
306
00:23:00,131 --> 00:23:05,569
..I have been giving some thought to how
you might increase your popularity rating.
307
00:23:05,770 --> 00:23:08,649
- Yes?
- Strong government needs a popular PM.
308
00:23:08,850 --> 00:23:11,649
- You should do something popular.
- But what?
309
00:23:11,850 --> 00:23:15,845
I was about to suggest
that you might intervene personally
310
00:23:16,011 --> 00:23:18,604
to save that poor little doggie on Salisbury Plain.
311
00:23:18,810 --> 00:23:21,247
- Are you serious?
- Of course.
312
00:23:21,452 --> 00:23:23,841
It certainly would be very popular.
313
00:23:24,011 --> 00:23:26,890
- Would it be very expensive?
- Surely not.
314
00:23:27,091 --> 00:23:29,479
Could we cost it?
315
00:23:29,653 --> 00:23:33,439
Well, I gather that time
is running out for little Benji.
316
00:23:33,613 --> 00:23:36,078
We have to make a decision this morning.
317
00:23:37,770 --> 00:23:42,528
There are times when you have to act
from the heart, even as Prime Minister.
318
00:23:43,810 --> 00:23:46,644
- You're right, Humphrey!
- May I?
319
00:23:46,850 --> 00:23:51,243
Please do. It's not a question
of buying cheap popularity.
320
00:23:51,452 --> 00:23:53,520
By no means.
321
00:23:55,412 --> 00:24:01,042
- Will it take long?
- I've got the Army on three-hour standby.
322
00:24:01,252 --> 00:24:05,644
- Splendid.
- Is that you, Norman? Walkies.
323
00:24:08,810 --> 00:24:14,604
And finally, Benji, the 0ld English sheepdog
lost on the artillery range on Salisbury Plain
324
00:24:14,770 --> 00:24:18,319
has been rescued. Martin Muncaster reports.
325
00:24:18,533 --> 00:24:21,921
The operation began here on B Range.
326
00:24:22,091 --> 00:24:27,689
Four detachments of the Royal Engineers with
mine detectors set off from different points
327
00:24:27,890 --> 00:24:33,203
to close in on where Benji was last sighted.
It took them over an hour to locate him.
328
00:24:33,412 --> 00:24:37,725
Then the Royal Veterinary Corps
fired a stun dart at Benji.
329
00:24:37,930 --> 00:24:43,484
Unfortunately, the area is too dangerous
to enter without detonating shells,
330
00:24:43,692 --> 00:24:46,685
so a Royal Navy helicopter was flown in
331
00:24:46,890 --> 00:24:51,680
and they lowered a man to pick up Benji
without crossing the dangerous ground
332
00:24:51,850 --> 00:24:56,845
and fly him to safety. Later, he was reunited
with his young owner, Linda Fletcher,
333
00:24:57,011 --> 00:25:01,609
who said she'd almost given up hope
of ever seeing Benji again.
334
00:25:01,770 --> 00:25:07,403
It's understood that direct intervention
from the Prime Minister made this possible.
335
00:25:08,372 --> 00:25:11,729
- Darling, you got them to rescue that dog!
- Yes.
336
00:25:11,890 --> 00:25:16,680
- You said it would be a waste of money.
- I know, but government is caring.
337
00:25:16,850 --> 00:25:20,926
- Caring about votes?
- That's not very kind, Annie.
338
00:25:21,131 --> 00:25:26,127
I thought about that little girl and what Benji
must mean to her. Individuals do count,
339
00:25:26,292 --> 00:25:29,091
even in a world of budgets and balance sheets.
340
00:25:29,252 --> 00:25:32,243
Some people might criticise me,
341
00:25:32,412 --> 00:25:36,850
but sometimes doing the right thing
means risking unpopularity.
342
00:25:37,051 --> 00:25:41,649
Well, I won't criticise you, darling.
I think you're wonderful.
343
00:25:44,211 --> 00:25:46,408
See this, Humphrey?
344
00:25:46,573 --> 00:25:51,167
''Britain learned today that a real human heart
beats inside Number 10 Downing Street.''
345
00:25:51,332 --> 00:25:56,644
- Actually, 74 human hearts beat inside here.
- Thank you, Bernard.
346
00:25:56,850 --> 00:25:59,924
See? I was right. I have an instinct
for what people want.
347
00:26:00,131 --> 00:26:05,524
- If I may say so, Prime Minister...
- Of course! It was your idea, wasn't it?
348
00:26:05,692 --> 00:26:09,082
Well done. What can I do for you?
349
00:26:09,292 --> 00:26:14,207
- The Halsted inquiry?
- Say no more about it. Completely forgotten.
350
00:26:14,412 --> 00:26:19,404
Oh, thank you. Now may we discuss
the Cabinet agenda? One or two points.
351
00:26:19,573 --> 00:26:23,484
- Item 3...
- Linda says, ''My vote goes to Mr Hacker!''
352
00:26:25,810 --> 00:26:29,408
- I beg your pardon?
- I'm sorry, Humphrey. Yes?
353
00:26:31,412 --> 00:26:34,006
''BBC and ITV report a flood of phone calls,
354
00:26:34,171 --> 00:26:37,881
''all approving the PM's decision to rescue Benji.''
355
00:26:38,091 --> 00:26:41,287
May I suggest that we postpone Item 3?
356
00:26:41,452 --> 00:26:46,243
''The Leader of the Opposition was not available
for comment.'' I bet he wasn't!
357
00:26:46,412 --> 00:26:51,404
Support me or let pet dogs starve to death!
I really had him there, didn't I?
358
00:26:51,573 --> 00:26:54,801
- Sorry, Humphrey.
- Item 3.
359
00:26:55,011 --> 00:26:58,605
Yes, what's Item 3?
Defence cuts? What about them?
360
00:26:58,810 --> 00:27:02,086
We should refer them to Cabinet Committee.
361
00:27:02,292 --> 00:27:06,886
No, I want a decision on Thursday,
not a 60-page submission next Easter.
362
00:27:07,091 --> 00:27:11,689
Ah, because I've just had the provisional costings
363
00:27:11,850 --> 00:27:14,491
for the dog rescue operation.
364
00:27:17,810 --> 00:27:20,609
£310,000?!
365
00:27:20,770 --> 00:27:25,323
- That's impossible!
- Those are MoD figures on a true-cost basis.
366
00:27:25,533 --> 00:27:30,127
- This is absurd. We must do something.
- Put the dog back?
367
00:27:31,131 --> 00:27:36,524
- That's ridiculous. I'm not postponing Item 3.
- Well, it's your decision, Prime Minister.
368
00:27:36,692 --> 00:27:39,921
And a very courageous one, if I may say so.
369
00:27:41,011 --> 00:27:43,604
Courageous? Why?
370
00:27:43,810 --> 00:27:49,171
Well, if the defence cuts are made, the cost
of rescuing a dog is bound to be leaked.
371
00:27:49,372 --> 00:27:54,082
- Oh, no.
- Unless you have faith in MoD confidentiality.
372
00:27:54,292 --> 00:27:57,761
Don't be absurd! They leak like sieves.
373
00:27:57,970 --> 00:28:03,171
I can see it now. ''Prime Minister saves dog
at expense of Britain's air defences.''
374
00:28:03,332 --> 00:28:07,846
- It would be quite a story.
- A shaggy dog story.
375
00:28:08,051 --> 00:28:11,283
But it would only come out if...
376
00:28:11,493 --> 00:28:15,881
- I'm not going to be blackmailed.
- Of course not.
377
00:28:20,011 --> 00:28:24,323
On the other hand, one can cut defence too far.
378
00:28:24,493 --> 00:28:29,962
- Absolutely.
- Defence of the realm. First duty of government.
379
00:28:30,171 --> 00:28:34,323
- First duty.
- There are emergencies - Korea, the Falklands.
380
00:28:34,533 --> 00:28:37,524
- Benji.
- Benji! Yes.
381
00:28:38,810 --> 00:28:44,408
I think I may have been a little hasty.
Item 3 probably needs a bit more thought.
382
00:28:44,613 --> 00:28:49,765
- I'm sure that's wise.
- No hurry. Refer defence cuts to committee.
383
00:28:49,970 --> 00:28:52,769
Yes, Prime Minister.
384
00:28:54,887 --> 00:28:59,921
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