1 00:00:43,759 --> 00:00:45,954 Good morning, Prime Minister. 2 00:00:47,199 --> 00:00:49,793 - Good morning, Prime Minister. - Mm. 3 00:00:49,959 --> 00:00:51,950 Is it the newspapers? 4 00:00:52,999 --> 00:00:58,710 Yes. They all say that since my administration came into office, nothing has changed. 5 00:00:58,919 --> 00:01:01,114 You must be very proud. 6 00:01:02,319 --> 00:01:04,628 That's not meant as a compliment. 7 00:01:04,799 --> 00:01:10,431 I read all ten of this morning's London papers. Not a good word about me in nine of them. 8 00:01:10,599 --> 00:01:15,070 - But the tenth is better? - Worse. It doesn't mention me at all. 9 00:01:15,239 --> 00:01:19,517 - What have they got against you? - They all say the same thing. 10 00:01:19,679 --> 00:01:21,670 That I'm a windbag. 11 00:01:21,839 --> 00:01:24,399 - Good heavens! - Yeah. 12 00:01:24,559 --> 00:01:28,154 Extraordinary. They say that my administration's all rhetoric. 13 00:01:28,319 --> 00:01:32,710 That I talk and talk, but nothing ever gets done. It simply isn't true. 14 00:01:32,879 --> 00:01:36,474 There are reforms in the pipeline, a change of direction. 15 00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:40,473 New schemes of development, a new philosophy of government. 16 00:01:40,639 --> 00:01:45,076 Profound change in the social fabric and geopolitical climate of this country. 17 00:01:45,999 --> 00:01:48,593 So what is actually happening? 18 00:01:49,519 --> 00:01:52,829 - Nothing yet, obviously. - (BUZZER) 19 00:01:52,999 --> 00:01:56,435 - That'll be Sir Humphrey. - Better send him in. 20 00:01:56,599 --> 00:01:58,590 Send Sir Humphrey in. 21 00:01:58,759 --> 00:02:02,752 The origin of this criticism is this rumour about a scandal in the City. 22 00:02:02,919 --> 00:02:05,638 - How did you guess? - Prime Minister. 23 00:02:05,799 --> 00:02:10,793 Humphrey, I've decided to respond to all this criticism about a scandal in the City. 24 00:02:10,959 --> 00:02:13,268 The press is demanding action. 25 00:02:13,439 --> 00:02:18,069 - What are you proposing to do? - I shall... appoint... someone. 26 00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:21,834 - When did you take this decision? - Today when I read the papers. 27 00:02:21,999 --> 00:02:25,150 - But when did you first think of it? - Today. 28 00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:29,835 And for how long did you weigh the pros and cons of this decision? 29 00:02:29,999 --> 00:02:32,388 Not long. I decided to be decisive. 30 00:02:32,559 --> 00:02:35,756 I think you worry too much about what the papers say. 31 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:38,638 Only a civil servant could make that remark. 32 00:02:38,799 --> 00:02:42,508 I have to worry about them, with the party conference coming up. 33 00:02:42,679 --> 00:02:47,673 - These rumours of a scandal won't go away. - Let's not worry until it's more than a rumour. 34 00:02:47,839 --> 00:02:51,388 - Here's the Cabinet agenda. - Not now. This is more important. 35 00:02:51,559 --> 00:02:57,873 With respect, it is not. Remember, the press just pander to their readers' prejudices. 36 00:02:58,039 --> 00:03:01,236 Don't tell me about the press. I know who reads the papers. 37 00:03:01,399 --> 00:03:04,596 The "Mirror" is read by people who think they run the country. 38 00:03:04,759 --> 00:03:08,468 The "Guardian" is read by people who think they OUGHT to run it. 39 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:12,029 The "Times" is read by the people who DO run the country. 40 00:03:12,199 --> 00:03:15,874 The "Daily Mail" is read by the wives of the people who run it. 41 00:03:16,039 --> 00:03:20,032 The "Financial Times" is read by people who OWN the country. 42 00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:25,432 The "Morning Star" is read by people who think the country should be run by another country 43 00:03:25,599 --> 00:03:29,387 and the "Daily Telegraph" is read by people who think it is. 44 00:03:32,359 --> 00:03:35,157 What about the people who read "The Sun"? 45 00:03:35,319 --> 00:03:40,074 "Sun" readers don't care who runs the country as long as she's got big tits. 46 00:03:49,559 --> 00:03:53,029 What do you make of this Phillips Berenson business, Desmond? 47 00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:56,191 - Not too good. - Worse than the press are saying? 48 00:03:56,359 --> 00:04:00,318 More than another investment bank that made the wrong investments? 49 00:04:00,479 --> 00:04:02,947 'Fraid so. Tip of the iceberg. 50 00:04:03,119 --> 00:04:05,838 - Tell me more. - They've broken the rules. 51 00:04:05,999 --> 00:04:07,990 The insider trading regulations? 52 00:04:08,159 --> 00:04:10,548 - No. - That's one relief. 53 00:04:10,719 --> 00:04:15,031 Of course they've broken those, but they've broken the basic rule of the City. 54 00:04:15,199 --> 00:04:19,397 - I didn't know there were any. - Just the one. 55 00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:24,553 If you're incompetent, you have to be honest. If you're crooked, you have to be clever. 56 00:04:24,719 --> 00:04:28,917 If you're honest and make a pig's breakfast of things, chaps help you out. 57 00:04:29,079 --> 00:04:33,072 - If you're crooked? - With good profits, chaps don't ask questions. 58 00:04:33,239 --> 00:04:35,958 They're not stupid. Well, not that stupid. 59 00:04:36,119 --> 00:04:38,872 The ideal is a firm which is honest and clever? 60 00:04:39,039 --> 00:04:43,157 Yes. Let me know if you ever come across one, won't you? 61 00:04:43,319 --> 00:04:46,311 - And Phillips Berenson? - Well, they were... 62 00:04:46,479 --> 00:04:49,676 - Breaking the law. - I wouldn't put it like that. 63 00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:53,832 Were the directors siphoning off funds into their own companies? 64 00:04:53,999 --> 00:04:56,388 - Might've paid it back later. - But didn't. 65 00:04:56,559 --> 00:04:59,631 - Well, they haven't yet. - Tax fiddles. 66 00:05:00,719 --> 00:05:04,109 They placed their own interpretation on Treasury regulations. 67 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:08,795 - Someone has to interpret them. - What about the Treasury's interpretation? 68 00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:11,830 It didn't seem appropriate. 69 00:05:12,959 --> 00:05:16,156 - Capital transfers to Liechtenstein companies? - Bit of that. 70 00:05:16,319 --> 00:05:20,471 - Bribery? - Undisclosed commissions to foreign officials. 71 00:05:20,639 --> 00:05:22,709 - Bribery. - Yes. 72 00:05:24,399 --> 00:05:26,390 - Your brandies. - Thank you. 73 00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:28,948 - May I have the bill? - Certainly, sir. 74 00:05:30,239 --> 00:05:34,027 So when's all this going to come out? - That's just it, it mustn't. 75 00:05:34,199 --> 00:05:37,908 - How do you stop it? - That's what I meant about breaking the rules. 76 00:05:38,079 --> 00:05:41,071 If they were profitable, it wouldn't need to come out. 77 00:05:41,239 --> 00:05:45,630 - Now they're going bust, I'm worried. - Are you involved? 78 00:05:46,919 --> 00:05:49,877 Surely a huge bank like yours isn't affected? 79 00:05:50,039 --> 00:05:54,954 I wish you were right, but we've supported them in a big way. We're in for 400 million. 80 00:05:55,119 --> 00:05:59,112 It's all very well for you, but when you've got all that Arab mon... 81 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:02,271 When you've got all that Arab money at 11%, 82 00:06:02,439 --> 00:06:06,432 you'd look pretty silly if you didn't lend it to somebody for 14. 83 00:06:08,679 --> 00:06:12,115 - You couldn't trust many people to pay 14. - Obviously. 84 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:14,747 Then we put in more to keep them afloat. 85 00:06:14,919 --> 00:06:17,308 - If you knew they were crooks... - We didn't. 86 00:06:17,479 --> 00:06:21,870 - You could've made inquiries. - You don't make such inquiries in the City. 87 00:06:22,039 --> 00:06:24,234 They seemed like decent chaps. 88 00:06:25,239 --> 00:06:29,949 Decent chaps don't check up on decent chaps to see if they're behaving like decent chaps. 89 00:06:30,119 --> 00:06:33,395 And ignorance is worth paying £400 million for? 90 00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:39,156 Ignorance is safety. It's not a crime to be deceived. And it's not our own money. 91 00:06:39,319 --> 00:06:41,071 - Your bill, sir. - Thank you. 92 00:06:41,239 --> 00:06:43,355 So what's going to happen? 93 00:06:43,519 --> 00:06:47,512 Only one answer. The Bank of England must bail out Phillips Berenson. 94 00:06:47,679 --> 00:06:52,116 - No publicity. That way we get our money back. - At the taxpayers' expense. 95 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,270 - Of course. - Can it be done? 96 00:06:54,439 --> 00:06:58,671 - Depends on the new Bank of England Governor. - Hasn't been appointed yet. 97 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:01,797 That's what I wanted to talk about. Who will it be? 98 00:07:01,959 --> 00:07:07,272 It isn't decided, but I understand from the PM that the frontrunner is Alexander Jameson. 99 00:07:08,119 --> 00:07:10,713 You're joking? But that's impossible. 100 00:07:11,679 --> 00:07:16,070 - You mean he's too honest. - It's not just that he behaves honestly. 101 00:07:17,639 --> 00:07:21,632 That doesn't matter. Some of my best friends behave honestly. 102 00:07:22,679 --> 00:07:25,671 None are smart enough to get away with it. 103 00:07:25,839 --> 00:07:30,833 Jameson actually tries to stop dishonesty. Fatal. The world doesn't work like that. 104 00:07:30,999 --> 00:07:35,993 Yes, he did that appalling report on waste and inefficiency in the Civil Service. 105 00:07:37,079 --> 00:07:41,470 - You've got to block him. - It's difficult. It's a Treasury recommendation. 106 00:07:41,639 --> 00:07:43,948 - But the PM makes the appointment. - Yes. 107 00:07:44,119 --> 00:07:46,838 It's not just Phillips Berenson. 108 00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:50,992 Once Jameson starts his detective work, other things will come out. 109 00:07:51,159 --> 00:07:54,595 Collapse of confidence, the pound will go through the floor. 110 00:07:54,759 --> 00:07:57,956 - Yes, I see. - You must make the PM see it. 111 00:07:58,119 --> 00:08:03,512 Confidence mustn't be eroded. The City earns the country six billion pounds a year. 112 00:08:03,679 --> 00:08:09,834 You can't hazard that just because a few chaps do a few favours for friends. Wouldn't be right. 113 00:08:14,079 --> 00:08:15,797 Well... 114 00:08:18,119 --> 00:08:23,557 Oh, Dorothy, I'm not happy about my speech for the conference. It contains no good news. 115 00:08:23,719 --> 00:08:28,349 - We couldn't think of any. - We'll have to make the bad news look good. 116 00:08:28,519 --> 00:08:30,908 I'll talk about the Health Service. 117 00:08:31,079 --> 00:08:35,436 Care for the elderly, mothers and children, growing up into a healthy nation. 118 00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,794 Value for money? 119 00:08:37,959 --> 00:08:42,749 I can't say that. Everybody knows that costs are completely out of control. 120 00:08:42,919 --> 00:08:44,910 Right. 121 00:08:45,079 --> 00:08:51,518 We are spending more than ever to make our health service the best in the world. 122 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:54,989 Good. Now, defence. 123 00:08:55,159 --> 00:09:00,153 I'd hoped to say something about defence cuts, but I haven't persuaded them to make any yet. 124 00:09:00,319 --> 00:09:04,312 This government will not put the security of the nation in jeopardy 125 00:09:04,479 --> 00:09:07,471 by penny-pinching and... false economies? 126 00:09:07,639 --> 00:09:11,951 Not that we'd put security in jeopardy by having ONE service music school 127 00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:15,714 instead of three separate ones for the Army, Navy and RAF. 128 00:09:15,879 --> 00:09:20,873 There can hardly be a specifically Royal Naval method of playing bassoon. 129 00:09:21,039 --> 00:09:23,678 You won't put that in? No, sorry. 130 00:09:24,599 --> 00:09:29,627 - Anything good we can say about the economy? - That's a problem. No good news at all. 131 00:09:29,799 --> 00:09:34,748 - We'll find something. - No bad news will break during the conference? 132 00:09:34,919 --> 00:09:39,993 Don't ask me! I'm only the political adviser. YOU see the secret Treasury papers. 133 00:09:40,159 --> 00:09:44,949 I was thinking about this Phillips Berenson scandal. What do you make of it? 134 00:09:45,119 --> 00:09:47,314 - I'm suspicious. - Why? 135 00:09:47,479 --> 00:09:52,348 Because of the statements of the chairman of the Stock Exchange and chairman of Lloyds. 136 00:09:52,519 --> 00:09:55,670 - There were no statements. - That's why I'm suspicious. 137 00:09:55,839 --> 00:10:00,037 If there was nothing in these rumours, they'd fall over themselves to say so. 138 00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:06,195 So unfair. Scandals in the City always look bad for the government. It's nothing to do with me. 139 00:10:06,359 --> 00:10:10,432 I know! I could announce the new Governor of the Bank of England. 140 00:10:10,599 --> 00:10:15,992 Bernard, see if you can see Humphrey around. Tell him I'd like to see him. Where were we? 141 00:10:16,159 --> 00:10:19,151 - The economy. Unemployment coming down? - No. 142 00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:23,107 We shall make the attack on unemployment our top priority. Pay? 143 00:10:23,279 --> 00:10:28,114 - Rising too fast. - We cannot pay ourselves more than we earn. 144 00:10:28,279 --> 00:10:32,318 The world does not owe us a living. Interest rates? 145 00:10:32,479 --> 00:10:34,947 - Too high. - They might come down? 146 00:10:35,119 --> 00:10:38,077 - That'd be terrific. - I don't have that kind of luck. 147 00:10:38,239 --> 00:10:43,711 If the whole picture's a total disaster, we can always wave the Union Jack. 148 00:10:43,879 --> 00:10:47,952 - The nation's great destiny... - Unique role on the world stage. 149 00:10:48,119 --> 00:10:53,068 Make every effort to build a prosperous world for our children and our children's children. 150 00:10:53,239 --> 00:10:56,629 That's probably about how long it'll take. 151 00:10:59,079 --> 00:11:02,071 The PM wonders if you could join him in five minutes. 152 00:11:02,239 --> 00:11:04,628 Certainly, Bernard. Bernard... 153 00:11:04,799 --> 00:11:08,587 Any news about the governorship of the Bank of England? 154 00:11:08,759 --> 00:11:13,549 The Prime Minister is planning to appoint Alexander Jameson. Mr Clean. 155 00:11:13,719 --> 00:11:16,597 - That's one bit of good news. - Appalling news! 156 00:11:18,159 --> 00:11:21,231 - Will you try and change the PM's mind? - No. 157 00:11:21,399 --> 00:11:23,754 I WILL change the PM's mind. 158 00:11:23,919 --> 00:11:27,912 - He seems very keen on him. - That'll be my starting point. 159 00:11:28,079 --> 00:11:32,152 When you wish to suggest that somebody is not the ideal choice... 160 00:11:32,319 --> 00:11:36,870 - You rubbish them? - The first stage is to express absolute support. 161 00:11:37,039 --> 00:11:40,236 - Why? - You don't want to say somebody's no good. 162 00:11:40,399 --> 00:11:42,594 You must be seen to be their friend. 163 00:11:42,759 --> 00:11:48,436 After all, it is necessary to get behind someone before you can stab them in the back. 164 00:11:49,439 --> 00:11:53,227 But Alexander Jameson is good. He's honest and efficient. 165 00:11:53,399 --> 00:11:55,867 Excellent. That's the second stage. 166 00:11:56,039 --> 00:12:00,430 You list his praiseworthy qualities, especially those that make him unsuitable. 167 00:12:00,599 --> 00:12:04,797 You praise them to the point where they become a vice. The third stage. 168 00:12:04,959 --> 00:12:10,431 Or, better still, you over-simplify his views by labelling them, as you just did. 169 00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:13,796 - You mean Mr Clean? - Yes. 170 00:12:13,959 --> 00:12:18,749 But I think we can do better than that. Do sit down, Bernard. 171 00:12:18,919 --> 00:12:23,117 - Isn't he a churchgoer? - Yes, I believe he was once a lay preacher. 172 00:12:23,279 --> 00:12:26,669 - A long time ago. - Splendid. We can use that against him. 173 00:12:26,839 --> 00:12:31,833 - How? - Charming man, hasn't an enemy in the world. 174 00:12:31,999 --> 00:12:36,197 But is he really up to dealing with some of those rogues in the City? 175 00:12:36,359 --> 00:12:40,068 - Jameson's pretty tough. - Then we'll say he's too tough. 176 00:12:40,239 --> 00:12:45,029 The fourth stage. You name all his bad points by defending and excusing them. 177 00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:49,590 You know - "Oh, it probably doesn't matter that he was a conscientious objector. 178 00:12:49,759 --> 00:12:54,150 "I'm sure... nobody's really questioned his patriotism." 179 00:12:54,319 --> 00:12:59,029 Or "I think the criticisms of him for bankrupting his last company 180 00:12:59,199 --> 00:13:01,713 "weren't entirely fair." 181 00:13:01,879 --> 00:13:07,078 - That would certainly do it. - If not, you can always hint at a hidden scandal. 182 00:13:07,239 --> 00:13:10,037 If he's not married, hint at homosexuality. 183 00:13:11,159 --> 00:13:13,957 - If he is married? - Adultery. 184 00:13:14,119 --> 00:13:18,317 With a lady's who's beyond reproach. One of the royals, for instance. 185 00:13:19,679 --> 00:13:21,829 Or a television newsreader. 186 00:13:23,519 --> 00:13:25,908 What if he's obviously happily married? 187 00:13:26,079 --> 00:13:31,073 Say he's extremely puritanical or he drinks or he's having psychiatric treatment. 188 00:13:31,239 --> 00:13:34,390 The possibilities are endless. Listen and learn. 189 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:36,550 Yeah... 190 00:13:36,719 --> 00:13:38,710 Er, Sir Humphrey... 191 00:13:41,519 --> 00:13:45,512 - Prime Minister. - We've been working on my conference speech. 192 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:49,877 - I'm worried about this scandal in the City. - I don't think it's very serious. 193 00:13:50,039 --> 00:13:53,236 - It certainly is. - No, no, no, dear lady. 194 00:13:54,119 --> 00:13:57,111 The bank over-lent to one big borrower, that's all. 195 00:13:57,279 --> 00:14:00,954 Some of its directors have a shady past. There's more to it. 196 00:14:01,119 --> 00:14:03,713 - Can you prove it? - No, it's my antennae. 197 00:14:03,879 --> 00:14:05,870 (LAUGHS CONDESCENDINGLY) 198 00:14:06,039 --> 00:14:10,749 I think, Prime Minister, that we are in the realm of female intuition. 199 00:14:14,359 --> 00:14:16,827 - We'll see. - We shall indeed. 200 00:14:18,199 --> 00:14:23,592 Anyway, the good news is I've decided to appoint Jameson as Governor of the Bank of England. 201 00:14:23,759 --> 00:14:26,910 Oh, the lay preacher! What a nice chap! 202 00:14:30,079 --> 00:14:32,274 - Why do you call him that? - He is. 203 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,873 Is he? That's good, isn't it? 204 00:14:35,039 --> 00:14:38,509 Oh... good is exactly the word. 205 00:14:38,679 --> 00:14:44,470 He's a really good man. Did a really good job at the White Fish Authority, too, didn't he? 206 00:14:44,639 --> 00:14:47,915 - Where does he preach? - In church, I imagine. 207 00:14:48,079 --> 00:14:52,869 He's frightfully religious and terribly honest. Honest with absolutely everybody. 208 00:14:53,039 --> 00:14:57,032 - Is he? That is good. - Of course it's good. On the whole. 209 00:14:58,039 --> 00:15:00,030 If he finds a scandal anywhere - 210 00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:04,556 even here in No.10 - he'll tell everybody, no doubt about that. 211 00:15:05,799 --> 00:15:09,792 - You mean he's indiscreet? - Oh, dear, that's such a pejorative word. 212 00:15:09,959 --> 00:15:15,556 - I'd prefer to say he's obsessively honest. - He's the right man to bring the City into line? 213 00:15:15,719 --> 00:15:18,313 Oh, absolu... If you want a saint. 214 00:15:19,759 --> 00:15:23,547 Of course, there are those who say he doesn't live in the real world. 215 00:15:23,719 --> 00:15:27,314 He is extremely puritanical, even for a Bible basher. 216 00:15:28,639 --> 00:15:31,631 - Is he? - Oh, yes. A bit of an ayatollah, in fact. 217 00:15:31,799 --> 00:15:35,997 Do you want to risk a Samson who might bring the whole edifice crashing down? 218 00:15:36,159 --> 00:15:40,152 - Yeah, that's a worry, isn't it? - He's no respecter of persons. 219 00:15:40,319 --> 00:15:44,517 Although treading on toes is sometimes a necessity, he makes it a hobby. 220 00:15:44,679 --> 00:15:48,672 He likes everything out in the open. He talks very freely to the press. 221 00:15:48,839 --> 00:15:54,471 - In fact, he's not... awfully realistic. - Do you know anything else about him? 222 00:15:54,639 --> 00:15:59,633 Well, one wonders if anybody can be that moral. 223 00:15:59,799 --> 00:16:03,269 - I've heard... - Yes? 224 00:16:05,359 --> 00:16:06,951 No. 225 00:16:08,479 --> 00:16:11,551 No, nothing. I'm sure it won't come out. 226 00:16:11,719 --> 00:16:13,516 What? 227 00:16:14,119 --> 00:16:16,110 No, nothing. 228 00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:19,510 I'm sure it's nothing. 229 00:16:26,199 --> 00:16:29,157 - Permanent Secretary of the Treasury, sir. - My dear chap. 230 00:16:29,319 --> 00:16:31,310 - Humphrey. - Sit down. 231 00:16:31,479 --> 00:16:35,916 Thanks. What's this rumour I hear that you're rubbishing Jameson? 232 00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:41,472 - The lay preacher? I think he's a splendid chap. - No. Don't play that game with me, Humphrey. 233 00:16:41,639 --> 00:16:45,712 - The Treasury wants him to be the new Governor. - Why? 234 00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:50,910 It's time the Governor of the Bank of England was intelligent and competent. 235 00:16:51,799 --> 00:16:53,630 It'd be an innovation. 236 00:16:54,799 --> 00:16:58,587 - Don't you think it should be tried? - But it's so dangerous. 237 00:16:58,759 --> 00:17:01,956 Look, we keep enduring these City scandals. 238 00:17:02,119 --> 00:17:06,397 The Chancellor is fed up with having to defend the indefensible. 239 00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:09,027 Look, Frank, I understand. 240 00:17:09,199 --> 00:17:12,635 You're looking after the Chancellor's interests. That's your job. 241 00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:17,793 I'm looking after the Prime Minister's interests and the nation's. That's mine. 242 00:17:17,959 --> 00:17:22,191 An honest financial sector can't damage the national interest. 243 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:24,350 In the long term, it's a plus. 244 00:17:24,519 --> 00:17:29,513 Unfortunately, in the short term, an inquiry into the City would mean a loss of confidence. 245 00:17:29,679 --> 00:17:34,070 The pound would plunge, shares would plunge and the government would plunge. 246 00:17:34,239 --> 00:17:37,276 Ah, well, I'm afraid that's YP. 247 00:17:38,799 --> 00:17:40,118 YP? 248 00:17:40,999 --> 00:17:42,830 Your problem. 249 00:17:49,239 --> 00:17:52,436 Actually, Frank... I'm not so sure. 250 00:17:53,199 --> 00:17:57,989 As you know, about 60% of Phillips Berenson's outstanding loans 251 00:17:58,159 --> 00:18:00,878 are with three foreigners of dubious repute. 252 00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:05,351 The Bank of England is responsible for supervising Phillips Berenson. 253 00:18:05,519 --> 00:18:09,592 - That's been a farce. - Their investigators are a bunch of amateurs. 254 00:18:09,759 --> 00:18:13,354 But who's responsible for supervising the Bank of England? 255 00:18:15,639 --> 00:18:19,234 - The Treasury, isn't it? - Well, yes... 256 00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:23,995 How can I tell the Chancellor that if we have a clean-up, he may be held responsible? 257 00:18:24,159 --> 00:18:29,995 He'd be defending the really indefensible then. He'd need an awful lot of support from the PM. 258 00:18:30,159 --> 00:18:32,115 Yes, but he'd get it, presumably. 259 00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:37,069 The PM isn't keen on defending the indefensible. He'd need a lot of convincing. 260 00:18:37,239 --> 00:18:43,348 The Chancellor would have to tell him that he'd been let down by his Treasury officials, Frank. 261 00:18:44,199 --> 00:18:46,190 But... But... But... 262 00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:49,837 YP? 263 00:18:55,639 --> 00:18:58,358 You're absolutely right, this is frightful. 264 00:18:59,279 --> 00:19:02,874 What's the difference between irregularities and malpractices? 265 00:19:04,079 --> 00:19:09,392 Irregularity means it's a crime you can't prove. Malpractice means it's a crime you can prove. 266 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:12,435 - Anyone else seen this? - Nobody. 267 00:19:12,599 --> 00:19:16,069 How did we get this secret auditor's report on Phillips Berenson? 268 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:20,027 - A partner at the accountant's is a friend. - Just friendship? 269 00:19:20,199 --> 00:19:23,794 He's looking forward to reading the New Year's Honours List. 270 00:19:24,799 --> 00:19:28,075 All right. How do we do it? Which section? 271 00:19:28,239 --> 00:19:32,073 What about through the Welsh Office for services to LEEKS! 272 00:19:35,239 --> 00:19:40,029 It surprises me that Bartlett's Bank should be so deeply involved. Doesn't it surprise you? 273 00:19:40,199 --> 00:19:45,353 - Not with Sir Desmond Glazebrook as chairman. - How on earth did he become chairman? 274 00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:49,228 He never has any original ideas, never takes a stand on principle. 275 00:19:49,399 --> 00:19:55,110 As he doesn't understand anything, he agrees with everybody and so people think he's sound. 276 00:19:55,279 --> 00:19:59,113 Is that why I've been invited to consult him about this governorship? 277 00:19:59,279 --> 00:20:01,270 He's due in a few minutes. 278 00:20:01,439 --> 00:20:05,876 You may find he doesn't want you to appoint Jameson to do a clean-up. 279 00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:08,428 - No option after this. - Not if it gets out. 280 00:20:08,599 --> 00:20:11,159 - Some of it's bound to. - If it gets to court. 281 00:20:11,319 --> 00:20:14,629 A Bank of England rescue will keep the worst of it quiet. 282 00:20:14,799 --> 00:20:18,712 - (BUZZER) - Who will Glazebrook want me to appoint? 283 00:20:18,879 --> 00:20:22,508 - Desmond Glazebrook. - Absolutely right, Bernard. 284 00:20:25,319 --> 00:20:27,310 - What about? - You're not serious? 285 00:20:27,479 --> 00:20:31,313 Who has the most interest in a cover-up? Sir Desmond Glazebrook. 286 00:20:31,479 --> 00:20:34,391 - Ask him in. - Sir Humphrey's with him. Send them in. 287 00:20:34,559 --> 00:20:38,871 - They'll know about this? - Yes, but they mustn't know that you know. 288 00:20:39,039 --> 00:20:41,507 Or you'll have to make the partner an earl. 289 00:20:42,879 --> 00:20:46,667 - Ah, Sir Desmond, how good of you to come. - Prime Minister. 290 00:20:46,839 --> 00:20:49,433 Do sit down, won't you? 291 00:20:49,599 --> 00:20:56,311 Now, as you know... I've got to appoint a new Governor for the Bank of England. 292 00:20:56,479 --> 00:21:00,870 - I'd welcome your views. - Well, I certainly think you should appoint one. 293 00:21:02,159 --> 00:21:06,198 I think the Prime Minister's more or less decided that. 294 00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:09,351 - The question is whom. - Ah, that's tricky. 295 00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:11,828 Needs to be someone the chaps trust. 296 00:21:11,999 --> 00:21:15,878 I feel we need someone who's intelligent, energetic, upright. 297 00:21:16,039 --> 00:21:19,509 - Er, well, hold on. - You don't agree? 298 00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:24,275 Well, of course, it's a jolly interesting idea, Prime Minister. 299 00:21:24,439 --> 00:21:27,237 Not sure the chaps would trust that sort of chap. 300 00:21:27,399 --> 00:21:33,315 The PM is worried about financial scandals. Are you worried about financial scandals? 301 00:21:33,479 --> 00:21:39,076 Of course, we don't want any of those, but... if you go for the sort of chap the chaps trust, 302 00:21:39,239 --> 00:21:44,871 you can trust him to be the sort of chap to see the chaps don't get involved in any scandals. 303 00:21:45,039 --> 00:21:47,428 - He'd hush them up. - No, any suspicion, 304 00:21:47,599 --> 00:21:50,591 and you have the chap straight out for lunch. 305 00:21:52,319 --> 00:21:55,709 - Ask him if there's anything in it. - What if he says no? 306 00:21:56,599 --> 00:22:00,069 You have to trust a chap's word. That's how the City works. 307 00:22:00,239 --> 00:22:06,030 - What do you know about Phillips Berenson? - What do YOU know about Phillips Berenson? 308 00:22:06,199 --> 00:22:09,271 Well, er, only what I read in the papers. 309 00:22:09,439 --> 00:22:11,157 Oh, good. 310 00:22:12,199 --> 00:22:17,034 Yes, well, they lent a bit of money to the wrong chaps. Could happen to anyone. 311 00:22:17,199 --> 00:22:20,111 - You haven't heard rumours? - There are always rumours. 312 00:22:20,279 --> 00:22:24,795 Of bribery? Embezzlement? Misappropriation? Insider dealing? 313 00:22:24,959 --> 00:22:28,395 - Dear lady, those are strong words. - So they're not true? 314 00:22:28,999 --> 00:22:33,356 Well, er, there are different... er... different ways of looking at things. 315 00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:37,954 What's a different way of looking at embezzlement? 316 00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:40,872 If a chap embezzles, you have to do something. 317 00:22:41,039 --> 00:22:44,429 - Have a serious word with him? - Absolutely. 318 00:22:44,599 --> 00:22:48,194 Usually it's just a chap who's advanced himself a short-term, 319 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:52,352 unauthorised, unsecured temporary loan from the company's account 320 00:22:52,519 --> 00:22:54,555 and invested it unluckily. 321 00:22:56,279 --> 00:22:59,430 Horse falls at the first fence, that sort of thing. 322 00:22:59,599 --> 00:23:04,912 - So who do you think I should appoint? - Oh, well, as I say, that's not easy. 323 00:23:05,079 --> 00:23:08,230 Not all that many chaps the chaps trust. 324 00:23:08,399 --> 00:23:12,392 It's not for me to say, but if one were to be asked... 325 00:23:12,559 --> 00:23:16,871 As long as one were thought to be... Of course, one is committed, but... 326 00:23:17,039 --> 00:23:21,635 And if one were to be pressed, I daresay one could make oneself available. 327 00:23:22,999 --> 00:23:25,274 As a duty one owes to... 328 00:23:25,439 --> 00:23:28,636 - I was thinking of Alexander Jameson. - Ah. 329 00:23:28,799 --> 00:23:32,109 - What's your view? - Well, he's a good accountant. 330 00:23:32,279 --> 00:23:33,871 - Honest? - Yes. 331 00:23:34,039 --> 00:23:36,428 - Energetic? - I'm afraid so. 332 00:23:36,599 --> 00:23:38,988 - But would you recommend him? - No. 333 00:23:39,159 --> 00:23:43,471 - Why not? - Well, the City's a funny place, Prime Minister. 334 00:23:43,639 --> 00:23:47,348 If you spill the beans, you open up a whole can of worms. 335 00:23:48,239 --> 00:23:52,232 How can you let sleeping dogs lie if you let the cat out of the bag? 336 00:23:54,799 --> 00:23:59,998 Bring in a new broom and, if you're not careful, you've thrown the baby out with the bath water. 337 00:24:01,559 --> 00:24:05,757 If you change horses in the middle of the stream, 338 00:24:05,919 --> 00:24:08,956 then you're up the creek without a paddle. 339 00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:11,952 And then the balloon goes up! 340 00:24:12,599 --> 00:24:14,988 Obviously. They hit you for six. 341 00:24:16,679 --> 00:24:18,476 An own goal, in fact. 342 00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:26,271 I'm on in half an hour and this speech is devoid of content. 343 00:24:26,439 --> 00:24:29,636 - Oh, I don't know. - What do you think, Bernard? 344 00:24:29,799 --> 00:24:32,518 - I don't know. - Well, I do know. 345 00:24:32,679 --> 00:24:36,638 - It'll get a standing ovation. - Oh. How long? 346 00:24:36,799 --> 00:24:38,790 - Three and a half minutes. - (PHONE) 347 00:24:38,959 --> 00:24:42,110 - Have people got stopwatches (?) - Issued them today. 348 00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:47,715 Sir Humphrey's downstairs with the Burandan High Commissioner. Could they have a word? 349 00:24:47,879 --> 00:24:50,473 - Burandan High...? - He says it's urgent. 350 00:24:50,639 --> 00:24:54,268 Oh, all right. He'd better be quick. 351 00:24:54,439 --> 00:24:59,035 - Can't we talk about getting more investment? - Interest rates are too high. 352 00:24:59,199 --> 00:25:03,989 Can't you lean on the Chancellor to lean on the Bank of England to lean on the banks? 353 00:25:04,159 --> 00:25:07,754 What, in half an hour? Not in a month of Sundays! 354 00:25:07,919 --> 00:25:12,709 The Bank would never allow it. All I can do is appoint Mr Clean as Governor. 355 00:25:12,879 --> 00:25:16,269 "Hacker will take no more nonsense from the City." 356 00:25:16,439 --> 00:25:21,388 - Prime Minister. - High Commissioner, an unexpected pleasure! 357 00:25:21,559 --> 00:25:24,027 Do come in. Sit down, please. 358 00:25:24,199 --> 00:25:26,394 Now, what can I do for you? 359 00:25:26,559 --> 00:25:30,347 Well, the High Commissioner's concerned about the rumour 360 00:25:30,519 --> 00:25:33,909 that you intend to appoint Jameson to the Bank of England, 361 00:25:34,079 --> 00:25:38,072 which will inevitably create an investigation into Phillips Berenson. 362 00:25:38,799 --> 00:25:41,791 Forgive me, but how does this concern Buranda? 363 00:25:41,959 --> 00:25:45,668 Phillips Berenson is a shady bank that lent 60% of its money 364 00:25:45,839 --> 00:25:48,399 to three foreigners of doubtful repute. 365 00:25:48,559 --> 00:25:52,552 Two of those three foreigners were the President of Buranda 366 00:25:52,719 --> 00:25:56,507 and the Chairman of the Burandan Enterprise Corporation. 367 00:25:57,559 --> 00:26:01,552 If you attack these loans, the President of Buranda will have no option 368 00:26:01,719 --> 00:26:05,189 but to interpret this move as a hostile and racist act. 369 00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:07,315 - Racist? - Of course. 370 00:26:07,479 --> 00:26:11,995 I've no intention of attacking the President per se. L-I would merely... 371 00:26:12,159 --> 00:26:17,187 - Say that he was someone of dubious repute. - Yes. No, no, no. 372 00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:18,997 I... I... 373 00:26:19,159 --> 00:26:22,754 May I further point out that a racist attack on our President 374 00:26:22,919 --> 00:26:28,073 would undoubtedly create solidarity and support from all the other African states. 375 00:26:28,239 --> 00:26:30,195 Commonwealth countries. 376 00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:34,671 We would move to have Britain expelled from the Commonwealth. 377 00:26:34,839 --> 00:26:39,230 The President would be obliged to cancel Her Majesty's state visit next month 378 00:26:39,399 --> 00:26:43,597 and Buranda would sell all the British government stock that it has bought. 379 00:26:43,759 --> 00:26:47,229 - Would that create a run on the pound? - Yes. 380 00:26:47,399 --> 00:26:50,391 - Anything else? - Isn't that enough? 381 00:26:50,559 --> 00:26:55,758 High Commissioner, will you excuse me if I have a few words with Sir Humphrey? 382 00:26:55,919 --> 00:27:00,754 Thank you so much. So good of you to come and... such a long way. 383 00:27:00,919 --> 00:27:04,707 - I'll give your words earnest consideration. - Please do. 384 00:27:08,319 --> 00:27:13,347 - How dare you put me in this position! - It is not I, but Buranda. 385 00:27:13,519 --> 00:27:17,228 The Commonwealth club is another reason you should exercise caution. 386 00:27:17,399 --> 00:27:19,390 The President is a crook! 387 00:27:19,559 --> 00:27:23,108 He shouldn't be a member of the club. He should be blackballed. 388 00:27:23,279 --> 00:27:26,271 - He is already. - Yes, thank you, Bernard. 389 00:27:27,839 --> 00:27:31,832 I don't understand it, Humphrey. What's your game? 390 00:27:31,999 --> 00:27:35,992 Why should I allow another cover-up? What's in it for you? 391 00:27:36,159 --> 00:27:40,755 Nothing, Prime Minister! I assure you, I have no private ulterior motive. 392 00:27:40,919 --> 00:27:45,674 I'm trying to protect you from yourself. I'm entirely on your side. 393 00:27:45,839 --> 00:27:50,196 - How can we believe that? - Because this time it's true! 394 00:27:52,439 --> 00:27:55,909 I mean, this time I am particularly on your side. 395 00:27:56,839 --> 00:28:00,673 I've got to say something good in my speech today. 396 00:28:00,839 --> 00:28:04,309 If I can't announce the appointment of Mr Clean as Governor... 397 00:28:04,479 --> 00:28:09,109 - Why not announce a cut in interest rates? - Oh, don't be silly, I... What? 398 00:28:09,279 --> 00:28:11,429 Announce a cut in interest rates 399 00:28:11,599 --> 00:28:15,433 The Bank couldn't allow a political cut - particularly with Jameson. 400 00:28:15,599 --> 00:28:17,794 It would with Desmond Glazebrook. 401 00:28:17,959 --> 00:28:20,154 Now, if you appoint him Governor, 402 00:28:20,319 --> 00:28:25,871 he'll cut Bartlett's interest rates in the morning - you can announce both in your speech. 403 00:28:26,039 --> 00:28:29,270 - How do you know? - He's just told me. He's here. 404 00:28:31,479 --> 00:28:35,472 Desmond Glazebrook as Governor? But he's such a fool. 405 00:28:35,639 --> 00:28:40,429 He only talks in clichés. He can talk in clichés till the cows come home. 406 00:28:41,799 --> 00:28:45,030 Won't a cut in interest rates mean that prices will go up? 407 00:28:45,199 --> 00:28:49,556 I don't mind that, as long as I get a standing inflation... ovation. 408 00:28:49,719 --> 00:28:55,157 - You don't want an honest man in the City? - Glazebrook isn't exactly... dishonest, is he? 409 00:28:55,319 --> 00:28:58,789 No, he's too stupid to know whether he's honest or not. 410 00:28:58,959 --> 00:29:01,996 We can't operate without the City's goodwill, can we? 411 00:29:02,159 --> 00:29:06,550 - No, Prime Minister. - No point in embarrassing them needlessly. 412 00:29:06,719 --> 00:29:08,949 No, Prime Minister. 413 00:29:09,519 --> 00:29:13,273 Dorothy, fix my speech to include a cut in interest rates. 414 00:29:13,999 --> 00:29:16,957 Humphrey, ask Sir Desmond to come up here. 415 00:29:17,119 --> 00:29:19,314 Yes, Prime Minister.