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There's been no breakthrough
in the month-long negotiations
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to find a way out
of Europe's financial crisis.
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Getting the French, Germans and British
out of their economic mess
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has so far eluded all three governments,
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with the result that Greece,
Ireland, Spain, Portugal and Italy
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are still economic disaster zones,
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teetering on the edge of bankruptcy.
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Over here. Over here.
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Reporter". When the prime minister
emerged from the talks
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earlier this morning,
he seemed surprisingly calm.
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Yet, he refused to speak to reporters.
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We understand that he is due to appear
on the one o'clock news
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before going
to chequers for the weekend.
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So, prime minister,
the pound is falling,
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the ftse's dropping like a stone,
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inflation could be on the way up,
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your coalition is divided,
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and now the conference
on the euro crisis
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looks like a dead end.
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It's all a bit of a disaster, isn't it?
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You know, I'm glad you asked me that.
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So, would you like to give us an answer?
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- Yes.
- Yes, it looks like a disaster?
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No, no! It's not a disaster.
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And, yes,
I'd like to answer the question.
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Please don't interrupt
until after I've finished speaking.
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To you it may look like a disaster,
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but you don't know what's been going on
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inside Lancaster house.
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- No, that's why I'm asking about it.
- No, no.
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You're asking if it's all a disaster,
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typically loaded question,
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completely prejudicial.
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Have you ever considered
asking something open-minded, like,
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"how are negotiations going?"
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Fine. How are negotiations going?
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Well, obviously, I can't tell you that.
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- They're... they're confidential.
- But...
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I can tell you
there has been much progress.
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A Frank exchange of views
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and we all have an increasingly clear
understanding of the situation.
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Like the crew of the Titanic
when they hit the iceberg?
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No! There's a great deal of good will
and each country wants an agreement.
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But each country wants
a different agreement!
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If we all wanted the same thing,
we wouldn't be here negotiating!
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There'd be no need to negotiate.
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No, the fact of the matter is,
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we all have to pull together,
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tighten our belts.
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We need some give and take.
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Because, if, at the end of the day,
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we all want a better 'tomorrow...
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We're all in the same boat.
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The ss Titanic!
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No, not the Titanic.
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Nothing else to ask?
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I was waiting to be sure
I wasn't interrupting.
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Today is Friday. Monday is the last day
of this economic summit.
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Is there any likelihood
of an agreement by then?
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The treaty of Rome
wasn't built in a day, you know!
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At the very least, we'll have done
some invaluable ground work
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for the next conference.
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You said that after the last conference.
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I did. And do you know I believe
that consistency is important.
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- Thank you, prime minister.
- Thank you.
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And the main headline again,
there is still no sign of agreement
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at the Lancaster house conference.
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The prime minister has denied
that the European union
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is sailing on the Titanic.
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And now, the weather.
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It's a gloomy forecast
for the next couple of days,
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with further severe
thunderstorms, I'm afraid,
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heading in towards London
and the home counties...
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Why did you allow him
to give that interview?
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I couldn't stop him, sir Humphrey.
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He's so desperate for attention.
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Everything's so awful.
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What is awful, Bernard?
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All these jobs going!
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Interest rates, repossessions,
fear of inflation.
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Oh, yes! Terrible!
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You don't sound terribly worried,
sir Humphrey.
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Bernard, I am not being sacked,
repossessed or inflated.
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Nor is the prime minister,
but he's worried stiff.
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And so he should be.
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- You don't sympathise with him?
- Bernard, that's the deal.
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That's how prime ministers' careers go.
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They get to be on the front page
every day for years, which they love.
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They travel the long path, Bernard.
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From euphoric triumph
to ignominious failure.
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And then they make way
for the next saviour of the nation.
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It's called democracy.
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It beats me why anyone
would want to be prime minister.
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It's the only top job
that requires no previous experience.
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No training, no qualifications
and limited intelligence.
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Sir Humphrey, you do believe
in democracy, don't you?
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Do I, Bernard?
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Well, actually, no.
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Well, not as most people understand it.
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You see, Bernard,
democracy should not be
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about executing the will of the people.
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No, it should be the process
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whereby we secure
the consent of the people
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to the policies of those qualified
to decide on their behalf.
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- Like who?
- Like us, Bernard!
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Well, I believe
in democracy, sir Humphrey.
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It does you credit.
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And if all the voters were as informed
and as intelligent as,
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well, say me or even you, Bernard,
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then, yes, that could possibly work,
but it's hardly realistic.
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Well, obviously,
we have to stop the government
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from making stupid mistakes.
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But I am there to help him.
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Bernard! We have a leadership crisis
in this country
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and if the government
can't or won't exercise it,
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it falls to us,
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whether we want it or not.
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I know! Power abhors a vacuum.
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And we are currently led by one.
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And it is made even worse
because he has no overall majority.
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A hung parliament's a bad thing?
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Yes, Bernard.
Hanging's too good for them.
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Well, at least the coalition agreement
that they came up with seems reasonable.
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Well, of course it is, Bernard,
I wrote it for them.
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If the prime minister wants to do
something silly,
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we can make sure
that his coalition partners stop him.
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And we should exercise power, Bernard,
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because we have nothing
to gain or lose personally.
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We have respectable salaries,
honours, an office, a chauffeur...
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Well, I haven't got a chauffeur!
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You will, Bernard, when you grow up.
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We end up with an index-linked pension,
a bank directorship,
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couple of nicely remunerated quangos
and a cottage in the dordogne.
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So, we can be even-handed
in our judgements
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and make them entirely
in the public interest.
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That interview went pretty well,
didn't it?
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Didn't you think so?
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You didn't think so?
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Well, it wasn't that bad, was it?
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Was it?
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You thought it was that bad.
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Oh, my God!
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Why did you give that interview?
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Somebody has to give
a positive impression.
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Honestly, Jim,
I am head of your policy unit.
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I wish you'd talk to me
before revealing to the nation
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just how awful everything is.
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Will you be able to get
some sort of agreement?
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Doesn't look like it.
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Dealing with the Europeans
is like herding cats!
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Being president of Europe isn't enough.
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Europe is an empire,
it needs an emperor!
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You mean you?
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Well, of course, it's not...
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Yeah, please don't say that to the BBC.
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No. No, I'll try not to.
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We cannot govern Europe
without joining the euro.
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Why not?
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We governed India
without joining the rupee.
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So, what's the agenda for this weekend?
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Oh! Find a way of ending this conference
without looking like a complete idiot.
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And why haven't you invited
the foreign secretary to chequers?
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The foreign secretary?
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Well, he does have an interest.
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His only interest
is in pushing me overboard
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and taking my job.
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And you haven't invited
the chancellor either.
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No. Sir Humphrey advised me
not to ask either of them, actually.
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- Why not?
- He wants a quiet weekend, he says.
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Just the home team.
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You, me, him and Bernard.
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Hmm. It's so unlike him.
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He's up to something.
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I'll find out.
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And we'll try to come up
with some sort of final communiqué.
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That'll make it a success?
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Claire! Dealing with Europe
isn't about achieving success.
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It's about concealing failure.
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Yes.
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The prime minister's arrived.
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- How does he sound?
- Irritable.
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Well, things may not seem so bad soon,
when we tell the prime minister
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about kumranistan.
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"European central bank to the rescue."
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Bernard, do not mention the ecb
to the prime minister.
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- No, sir Humphrey.
- And whatever you do,
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don't let him know
that that kumranistan plan
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is dependent on our joining the euro.
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But it does say so in the ecb proposal.
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Yes, but not until page 67.
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And he never gets
beyond page three of anything.
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And then he jumps to the last paragraph.
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But conceal this report, just in case.
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Vehicle licensing centre, swansea.
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Yes.
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Bottom of the fifth box.
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Fifth box.
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He'll never find it.
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This had better work, Bernard.
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You know his views on Europe.
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Well, I know he's afraid brussels
wants to take away most of his powers.
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They already have.
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And so they should.
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Now, all we need him to do
is to preside at tonight's dinner.
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Pretend he's read this kumranistan plan
and leave the rest to us.
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Sorry I'm late.
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It's been a terrible day.
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Any particular reason?
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- You've read about the cabinet split?
- Yes.
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And you have seen what has happened
to the ftse?
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- Yes.
- And the pound?
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00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,322
- Yes.
- And the inflation forecast?
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00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:15,402
- Yes.
- And the rising unemployment figures?
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Yes.
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00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,847
So how many particular reasons
do you want?
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Well...
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And now this Lancaster house conference
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is turning into a catastrophe!
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Well, it was your idea to convene it.
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If you become president of Europe
in the middle of the biggest
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00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,006
financial crisis for 80 years...
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00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:35,527
Prime minister, with respect, there is
no such title as president of Europe.
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Oh, you are so pedantic, Bernard!
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All right, what is my
official title then?
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President of the European council?
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Uh, no, prime minister, the presidency
of the European council
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went to the Belgian prime minister.
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Who is completely unknown.
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Well, obviously. He's Belgian.
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And not elected.
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Appointed in secret.
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Of course, you wouldn't have a problem
with that, would you, Humphrey?
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Oh, prime minister,
you do me an injustice.
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I'm all in favour of elections,
provided the right people do the voting.
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I don't understand this!
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I'm sure I'm President of the council.
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I remember being in the chair.
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Well, it is a little confusing,
prime minister.
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You see, we, the British,
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have the presidency of the council
of the European union.
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That's what I said!
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00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:26,008
Uh, no. The European council
and the council of the European union
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00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:27,127
are not the same thing.
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00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:31,283
The President of the European council
is there for 30 months
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and is in charge of, well,
preparing the agenda
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00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,481
and chairing the meetings
of the European council.
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00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:40,486
Whereas the presidency of the council
of the European union
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00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,166
is held for six months each
by rotating states
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and not by individual leaders
and not by you.
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So which of them really runs Europe?
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Oh, I see!
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Neither.
253
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,766
Uh, prime minister,
let me simplify it for you.
254
00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:01,165
The European union is run on
an intricate and sophisticated system
255
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,482
based on an hierarchical structure
256
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:07,162
of interlocking
and overlapping jurisdictions
257
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:11,326
designed to separate the powers
while reinforcing the authority
258
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,602
of the departments,
institutions and agencies
259
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:17,480
who collectively and separately
control and supervise
260
00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:21,042
the diverse activities of the union
and its associated organisations.
261
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:27,409
So, Europe is actually
run by the president
262
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:31,321
of the European commission who is akin
to the prime minister of Europe
263
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:35,007
because he is elected
and he heads a cabinet government.
264
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:39,127
But the President of the council,
265
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,567
he is, in fact, appointed, not elected.
266
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:44,120
And he presides over the meetings
of that council,
267
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,486
which is not the cabinet.
268
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:50,487
And then, prime minister, there is
the council of the European union.
269
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:56,010
Now, britain currently
has that presidency.
270
00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:00,444
And, while you are
the rotating president,
271
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,402
the presidency itself
is not yours personally.
272
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:05,971
That simplifies it?
273
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,922
Prime minister,
what it all boils down to,
274
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,161
as far as you're concerned,
275
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:13,967
is the difference between years
of being head of an empire
276
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,447
of nearly 500 million people
277
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,927
and chairing the council of ministers
for six months.
278
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,441
The fact of the matter is,
I am the president,
279
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,170
or I have the presidency.
280
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,163
I don't give a hoot what we call it.
281
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:29,201
And I convened the conference
on this dreadful recession
282
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:31,760
and the resulting euro crisis.
283
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:33,291
I had to do something.
284
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,244
And the conference was something,
so you did it. Well done.
285
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:43,681
But now it's falling apart,
which might just about finish me.
286
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,804
Well, prime minister,
it might not be falling apart.
287
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:50,449
Uh, did you see my interview on TV
this lunchtime?
288
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,483
- Yes, prime minister.
- How was it?
289
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:56,805
What was wrong with it?
290
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,844
"Ours not to reason why,
ours but to do and die."
291
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,447
You just said the conference
may not be falling apart.
292
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,046
Don't you know what's going on?
Don't you keep up?
293
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,647
Haven't you been reading
the conference reports?
294
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:10,689
I have. Have you?
295
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:13,246
Not my fault.
296
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,484
The spadework wasn't done properly.
297
00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:19,929
The foreign office and the treasury
let me down, badly.
298
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,527
I think the foreign secretary
and the chancellor
299
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,250
are plotting to get rid of me already.
300
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,807
That's why I suggested
not inviting them this weekend.
301
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:31,085
But everyone knows you have
to agree the final bulletin
302
00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:33,806
before the conference begins.
303
00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,851
But instead of having
everything nailed down
304
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,844
before they all convened,
they left it to chance.
305
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:40,967
Useless!
306
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:46,281
Oh, oh, yes, yes. Very good.
307
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,247
What?
308
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,570
"For those in misery,
perhaps better things will follow."
309
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:54,445
Well said, Bernard.
310
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,927
I didn't actually say that,
that was Virgil.
311
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,126
Yes, I know that, Bernard.
312
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,366
It was completely predictable.
313
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,645
The krauts don't want a stimulus plan.
314
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,162
They're terrified of runaway inflation.
315
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,083
That's what destroyed
the weimar Republic
316
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,286
and brought them Hitler.
317
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,843
The wops and the dagos
318
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:17,484
are up to their armpits in debt already.
319
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:21,885
The frogs only want it
if France gets all the benefits.
320
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,167
Prime minister, I really think
you should stop using
321
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,164
these vintage pejorative epithets
to describe our allies.
322
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,364
They might slip out in public sometime.
323
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,130
Quite right, Bernard. Thank you.
324
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:35,451
And the micks and the polacks
325
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,000
aren't getting the subsidies
they were promised,
326
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,082
which they regard as a betrayal.
327
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:44,606
So it is time for me to get hands-on
and give some leadership.
328
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:45,921
Oh, good.
329
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,126
So,
330
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:48,561
tell me what I should do.
331
00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:49,727
Ah!
332
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,844
Now, that's just the kind
of leadership we need.
333
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,241
Oh! Thank you, Humphrey.
334
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:59,370
And, prime minister,
we have good news for you.
335
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,411
Late last night, we had
a breakthrough at Lancaster house.
336
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,244
A new player has appeared on the scene.
337
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,209
The Americans?
Are they coming after all...
338
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:09,689
Ah, no, prime minister,
their position is immutable.
339
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,287
They will not come to this conference
because you won't let them chair it.
340
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:17,046
I can't let them chair
a European conference, Humphrey.
341
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:18,561
Look at the map!
342
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:25,243
Well, it could become an international
conference, prime minister.
343
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,609
That could save the whole
European financial system
344
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:29,886
from melting down again.
345
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:33,203
Oh, don't be silly, Humphrey.
I'd lose face.
346
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,165
Oh, yes, of course. Silly me.
347
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,646
Prime minister,
the kumranistanis have joined us.
348
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,087
Good!
349
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:42,527
Have I heard of them?
350
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,607
Prime minister, they have oil.
351
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:50,921
Yes, massive new reserves of oil
have been found in kumranistan.
352
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:56,450
Now, they're offering a possible
$10 trillion loan to Europe
353
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,164
secured against future purchases.
354
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,090
- But that could solve everything.
- Yes.
355
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,805
- Save the conference.
- Yes.
356
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:03,848
- Save Europe, in fact.
- Yes!
357
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,646
"Triumph for the prime minister."
358
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,805
"Victory for the president of Europe."
359
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:11,927
Uh, prime minister, you are not...
360
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,765
"Victory for the
president of Europe", Humphrey.
361
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:16,491
Might even save your job.
362
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,080
My job is perfectly safe.
363
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,680
Other people have survived
with small majorities.
364
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:25,481
Wilson had a majority of four in 1964
365
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,244
and he lasted six years.
366
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,482
But he did have to fight
a second election pretty soon
367
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:30,925
to get a working majority.
368
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,280
And Wilson had hair.
369
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,210
What are you saying, Bernard?
370
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,522
Well, it's just that no prime minister
371
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,251
or us president has been elected
without a full head of hair
372
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,766
since eisenhower and Churchill
in the 1950s.
373
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,931
So I'm saying you did magnificently well
374
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,207
to cobble together a majority of two.
375
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:59,725
I had hair when I was first elected.
376
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:04,168
I lost my hair in the service
of my country.
377
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,121
Indeed you did, prime minister.
378
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:08,447
Indeed.
379
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:09,567
Uh, prime minister,
380
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,440
this kumranistan deal
could solve all your problems.
381
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:14,601
Fine, where do I sign?
382
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:16,644
No. We're not quite there yet.
383
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,688
Uh, they do want something in exchange.
384
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,849
- You know where kumranistan is?
- Yes.
385
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:24,530
Well, sort of.
386
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:26,804
You know, it's over there.
387
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,083
It lies in turkistan,
388
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:34,331
to the north of Uzbekistan,
Kazakhstan and Afghanistan.
389
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,080
- Here, in fact.
- As I said, exactly.
390
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:40,604
Now, they had been planning
to take their oil to Europe
391
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:41,841
through the Soviet pipeline...
392
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:45,602
They're not Soviets any more, Humphrey,
they're Russians.
393
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:48,251
They haven't been Soviets
for over 20 years.
394
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:50,800
They still are in spirit
and always will be.
395
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:54,046
The, urn, Russians want
a pretty huge payment.
396
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:56,487
Which kumranistan does not want to pay
397
00:18:56,560 --> 00:19:00,406
since the Soviets will have
their hands on the pipeline tap.
398
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:04,491
So, with a little prompting from us,
the kumranistanis came up with a plan b.
399
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,485
A pipeline through Turkey,
Greece and Southern Europe,
400
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:09,325
avoiding Russia altogether.
401
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,961
What they need now
is European agreement.
402
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,881
And that's what they're
prepared to lend us $10 trillion for.
403
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:17,087
Why?
404
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:21,210
They want the guarantee of future
oil purchases by everyone in the eu.
405
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:23,246
No, I don't get it.
406
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:25,722
It's awfully simple, prime minister.
407
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:27,527
Urn...
408
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:31,844
Kumranistan will lend Europe the money
to buy kumranistan's oil.
409
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:35,050
And Europe borrows
another 10 trillion more debt?
410
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,800
Oh, the debt is not a problem.
It doesn't have to be repaid for years.
411
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:41,369
See, we get the money now,
interest-free,
412
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,085
but we repay it in the future,
413
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,601
when we buy the oil
that we will need anyway.
414
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,011
So, how do they make their money?
415
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,202
Ah, we will have to pay a premium...
416
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,164
- Ah!
- But not for many years to come,
417
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,687
when there will be
a different government.
418
00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,611
Oh, that's all right then.
419
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,489
Are all the Europeans on board?
420
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,050
They are, prime minister.
421
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,646
And the problems
are what we've been negotiating
422
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,201
as you will have seen in your red boxes?
423
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,408
Yes. But remind me.
424
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:17,041
Well, as you'll doubtless remember,
the turks refused to cooperate
425
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:19,521
unless they were admitted
to the European union.
426
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,011
Now, I see their point.
427
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,726
I've always had a soft spot
for Johnny turk.
428
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,963
Johnny turk!
You're on first name terms, then?
429
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,767
Oh!
430
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:33,883
Yes, that's very droll, prime minister.
431
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:36,808
Turkey is an important ally.
432
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,407
They are the only Muslim country with
a secular democracy, prime minister.
433
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,244
- We do need...
- Johnny turk!
434
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:43,560
Yes.
435
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,490
Anyway, everything is agreed.
436
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,406
Everyone gets a share
in the construction.
437
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:51,367
Ah!
438
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:52,566
Here's the route.
439
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,089
Well, that looks pretty straightforward.
440
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:07,846
- We're saved!
- Yes.
441
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,602
But why didn't I know about all this?
442
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,047
- It's top secret.
- Oh, good God, Humphrey.
443
00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:14,167
I'm the prime minister.
444
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:15,651
Yes, I know.
445
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,641
And what an excellent prime minister
you are.
446
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,290
But this had to be kept under wraps.
447
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:22,725
If this had leaked,
448
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,007
this week the money markets
would have gone mad.
449
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:26,127
I see.
450
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:28,767
Well, is that everything I need to know?
451
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,444
- Yes.
- Well, there is one more thing.
452
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:31,646
Bernard?
453
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:36,128
A power group in kumranistan
still want the Russian route.
454
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,727
Oh, Bernard is absolutely right,
prime minister.
455
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:40,484
They didn't want to upset the Soviets.
456
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,610
Well, it is understandable.
They do share a border.
457
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,446
But the kumranistan foreign secretary,
458
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:50,645
he has come over here to offer us
the deal, if we want it.
459
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,041
Invite him to dinner!
460
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:53,924
- Tonight!
- I did, prime minister.
461
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,248
That's why we're here.
462
00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:59,564
And he can do the deal, now?
463
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:01,483
Yes, he has the authority,
prime minister,
464
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,801
but he needs careful handling.
465
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:06,646
They are very sensitive about respect.
466
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,442
You get an awful lot of respect
for $10 trillion.
467
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,644
He can have all mine for a start.
468
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,371
Oh, excellent, prime minister.
469
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:18,966
Bernard!
470
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:20,247
Yes, prime minister?
471
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,641
There's something you're not
happy about, what is it?
472
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:26,242
- Well, I'm not really sure i...
- Oh, spit it out, Bernard.
473
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:27,521
Well, I...
474
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,041
Ah.
475
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:33,006
What?
476
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,329
"I fear the greeks,
477
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,927
"especially when they bring gifts."
478
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,081
Remember the trojan horse,
prime minister.
479
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,408
The greeks can't afford gifts!
480
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:02,641
Ah, Claire,
481
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,689
could you come to my study, please?
482
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:07,001
Now.
483
00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:19,407
Yes, come in.
484
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,525
Ah, Claire.
485
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:24,730
There's something I don't know
about this pipeline plan.
486
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,325
Yes, I've just been finding out
about it.
487
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:28,125
What is it Humphrey
hasn't been telling me?
488
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:29,361
Well, how about the truth?
489
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,722
- What have you found out?
- I'll tell you when I'm sure.
490
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,962
Maybe there's something in here.
491
00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:37,122
- Was that the bottom box?
- Of course.
492
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:39,642
- Yeah, try the bottom file.
- Oh, yes!
493
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,963
"Vehicle licensing centre, swansea."
494
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,047
Yes!
495
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,847
"Proposal for kumranistan oil pipeline."
496
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,323
I think it could be
about the pipeline mechanics.
497
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:59,961
Oh, I don't care about the mechanics.
I'm not an engineer.
498
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,050
No, fiscal mechanics, Jim,
financial engineering.
499
00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:05,521
Perhaps, Humphrey has arranged
for the proposed loan
500
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:07,284
to go through the European central bank
501
00:24:07,360 --> 00:24:08,441
and isn't mentioning it.
502
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:09,601
Is that important?
503
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:16,007
Yes.
504
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,206
Yes, if so, if we want any of the loan,
505
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:20,845
we'll have to join the euro.
506
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:24,567
We can't join the euro,
it would be a catastrophe!
507
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:26,605
Look what's happened to Greece,
508
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:29,406
Spain, Italy, Ireland, Portugal!
509
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,491
Hand over control of interest rates,
510
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,449
control of exchange rates,
511
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,369
control of the money supply?
512
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:39,650
What if I need to inflate
to get re-elected?
513
00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:45,727
If the Germans are worried
about rising prices,
514
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:49,089
the ecb could deflate
and I could get kicked out.
515
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:51,527
Well, candidly, I not sure
that that would bother sir Humphrey.
516
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,250
Well, let's find out.
517
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,890
Yes, Bernard, tell Humphrey
I want to see him, please.
518
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:00,843
No, no,
519
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:04,129
anytime within the next
10 seconds will do.
520
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:06,761
Yes?
521
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:08,207
It's come through.
522
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:10,250
From the controller general?
523
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:14,721
Great. Could you print it all out
and I'll come and get it right away.
524
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:18,567
Oh.
525
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:20,206
Ah, Humphrey.
526
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,051
Prime minister?
527
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:29,486
Do sit down!
528
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:32,606
Tell me,
529
00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:36,567
what would a cabinet secretary do
530
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,211
if he thought that a prime minister
was set on a course
531
00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:41,851
that was seriously damaging to britain?
532
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:43,365
Do you have a particular
cabinet secretary
533
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:44,487
or prime minister in mind?
534
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:45,687
No.
535
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,524
No, purely hypothetical.
536
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,690
Well, the cabinet secretary
would have to argue very strongly.
537
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,604
But if he failed to persuade
the prime minister...
538
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:54,761
No, I mean, he'd have to.
539
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:59,728
Ah! So what you're saying is,
he'd have to go along with it or resign.
540
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:01,487
Uh...
541
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:04,640
Yes, I suppose I am.
542
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:05,887
Right.
543
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:12,244
This kumranistan loan
is all good news, isn't it?
544
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,010
Oh, tremendous news!
545
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:19,567
There are no hidden snags, you know,
terms and conditions, penalty clauses,
546
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,367
- tough guarantee...
- Oh, no, nothing like that.
547
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,044
- Standard agreement.
- Great!
548
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,364
Just an ordinary treasury loan,
as far as we're concerned.
549
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,364
- In a sense, yes.
- In a sense?
550
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:31,762
Well, in due course,
following agreed procedures,
551
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,410
after certain formalities.
552
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:35,967
But the money
goes straight to the treasury.
553
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:38,481
Oh, it goes
to the treasury, of course. Yes.
554
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:39,607
Straight
555
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:41,801
to the treasury?
556
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:43,490
Well, broadly speaking,
yes, more or less.
557
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:44,607
Broadly speaking?
558
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,411
How would you describe it
if you were narrowly speaking?
559
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,724
Does it have to go through
the European central bank?
560
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,770
Prime minister, we get the money,
that is what matters.
561
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:57,444
Let me put this in another way.
562
00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:59,648
Will this loan be in Euros?
563
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:02,371
Prime minister, I do urge you
not to clutter your mind
564
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:05,569
with procedural detail
and monetary trivia.
565
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:07,968
Humphrey, in words of one syllable,
566
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:11,727
is this plan dependant
on our abandoning sterling
567
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:12,921
and joining the euro?
568
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,604
Well, dependant has three syllables.
569
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:17,081
And abandoning has four.
570
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:20,961
Right, oh, good heavens.
571
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:22,924
Oh, look at the time, prime minister.
572
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,402
It's almost time for your dinner
with the kumranistan foreign minister.
573
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:28,642
- Now, you really must not be late.
- Humphrey!
574
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:31,851
Answer my question!
575
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:33,405
All right, prime minister.
576
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,768
You have asked a straight question
and I'll give you a straight answer,
577
00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:40,487
which, however,
clearly depends on its context.
578
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,806
In the course
of all financial negotiations,
579
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,884
certain provisos have to be
pre-cogitated
580
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,086
and pre-conditioned.
581
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:52,120
Various caveats have to be postulated,
designated, investigated,
582
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,409
and specified,
and a number of considerations
583
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:57,164
have to be unequivocally determined,
584
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,288
acknowledged and indeed
sometimes even conceded
585
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:03,645
so that we can facilitate
the finalisation of preliminary plans
586
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:05,961
to create an epistemological basis
587
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,449
for all parties to proceed towards
588
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:13,570
a mutually beneficial consummation
which will acknowledge and safeguard
589
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:15,927
the vital interests
of all the participants
590
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,241
without jeopardising in any material way
591
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:22,245
the underlying collective benefits
ultimately accruing to the signatories
592
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:25,164
or leaving unresolved
any anomalies or irregularities
593
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,642
which could precipitate
operational uncertainty down the line,
594
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,404
so that there will be a presumed modicum
595
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,450
of iron-clad reciprocity,
which in the great scheme of things
596
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,363
will be to everybody's advantage.
597
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:43,764
Did that mean yes or no?
598
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:46,321
Don't you think that yes and no
599
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:48,767
are rather broad and unspecific
in their application?
600
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:50,087
No!
601
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:54,005
I want a clear, unambiguous answer.
602
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:56,248
Certainly. What was the question again?
603
00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:00,682
Is joining the euro a condition
of getting the loan?
604
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,401
Well, in the sense that
if agreement of the...
605
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:08,247
Humphrey, I repeat, is joining the euro
a condition of getting the loan?
606
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:10,765
Yes, prime minister.