0 00:00:00,105 --> 00:00:03,400 Shared by http://DJJ.HOME.SAPO.PT/ 1 00:00:03,487 --> 00:00:06,047 # Once in every lifetime 2 00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:08,721 # Comes a love like this 3 00:00:08,887 --> 00:00:11,196 # I need you, you need me 4 00:00:11,367 --> 00:00:13,835 # Oh, my darling, can't you see? 5 00:00:16,047 --> 00:00:18,038 # Darling, we're the Young Ones 6 00:00:19,127 --> 00:00:21,163 # The Young Ones 7 00:00:21,327 --> 00:00:23,477 # (RICK) Shouldn't be afraid 8 00:00:24,407 --> 00:00:26,125 # To live 9 00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:27,561 # Love 10 00:00:27,727 --> 00:00:29,558 # There's a song to be sung 11 00:00:29,727 --> 00:00:32,241 # 'Cause we may not be the Young Ones 12 00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:34,284 # Very long... # 13 00:00:42,327 --> 00:00:45,524 (RICK) Oh, bloody heck! Is this the new house? 14 00:00:45,687 --> 00:00:47,518 (NEIL) I think it's beautiful. 15 00:00:47,687 --> 00:00:49,757 (MIKE) Makes a change from the old one. 16 00:00:49,927 --> 00:00:52,122 (VYVYAN) It's not razed to the ground. 17 00:00:52,287 --> 00:00:54,676 (RICK) It looks like a gigantic lavatory! 18 00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:58,965 Be fair. It's got a letterbox. That'll come in really useful. 19 00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:01,118 (RICK) What for? 20 00:01:01,287 --> 00:01:04,643 - Looking out of when people knock. - Nice front door. 21 00:01:04,807 --> 00:01:09,323 - We had one in the last house. - But it was nailed to the ceiling! 22 00:01:09,487 --> 00:01:13,560 - It had to be done. - Yeah, I had to...I was drunk. 23 00:01:13,727 --> 00:01:15,718 Just give me the key. 24 00:01:21,367 --> 00:01:24,996 Now, watch this very closely. 25 00:01:30,647 --> 00:01:34,037 You see? I used to be a cat burglar. 26 00:01:34,207 --> 00:01:35,959 I didn't know that. 27 00:01:36,167 --> 00:01:41,002 Yeah, I've got a Swiss bank account with 2,000 cats in it! Come on! 28 00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:50,323 - More bloody students! - Shut up and put some clothes on! 29 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:56,915 Wow, look at all these letters! 30 00:01:57,087 --> 00:02:00,841 Mr Balowski said the last lot only moved out yesterday. 31 00:02:01,007 --> 00:02:04,204 - They did. They were illiterate. - They were philosophy students. 32 00:02:04,367 --> 00:02:06,323 So? 33 00:02:06,487 --> 00:02:09,524 Anyway, they're probably bills. 34 00:02:10,767 --> 00:02:13,327 Who's Bill? 35 00:02:15,167 --> 00:02:17,556 - This is my bedroom! - Oh, yeah? 36 00:02:17,727 --> 00:02:20,116 I was here first! 37 00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:25,036 - Got any witnesses? - I don't need any. Get out! 38 00:02:25,207 --> 00:02:26,560 No! 39 00:02:26,727 --> 00:02:28,718 Get...out! 40 00:02:37,127 --> 00:02:41,120 This must be my bedroom - all my clothes are here. 41 00:02:45,047 --> 00:02:47,481 No, they're not, Vyvyan. 42 00:02:55,847 --> 00:02:58,884 - Right, have the bedroom! - It's not mine. 43 00:02:59,047 --> 00:03:01,038 - Yes, it is. - It isn't. 44 00:03:01,207 --> 00:03:03,880 - You said it was yours. - So did you. 45 00:03:04,047 --> 00:03:05,844 - I didn't. - Did! 46 00:03:06,007 --> 00:03:07,326 - Didn't! - Did! 47 00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:10,320 Didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't! 48 00:03:12,447 --> 00:03:14,597 Neil, your bedroom's on fire! 49 00:03:14,767 --> 00:03:17,361 I thought this was my bedroom. 50 00:03:17,527 --> 00:03:19,518 Oh, no! 51 00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:25,361 - This is my bedroom! - Caption. 52 00:03:25,527 --> 00:03:27,165 Thank you. 53 00:04:03,447 --> 00:04:06,564 (GIRL ON TAPE) Oh, MikeI Oh, no, don"t stopI 54 00:04:06,727 --> 00:04:09,560 Oh, oh, yeahI Oh, yeahI 55 00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:17,800 Hi, kid. 56 00:04:23,887 --> 00:04:26,799 - You're Buddy Holly. - That's right! 57 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:30,403 You know, I just love your English beetles. 58 00:04:30,567 --> 00:04:34,401 After 20 years of the suckers, I ain't got much choice. 59 00:04:36,487 --> 00:04:41,402 - I thought you were dead. - It ain't harmed my career any! 60 00:04:41,567 --> 00:04:46,197 No, oh, no... You got any new material? 61 00:04:46,367 --> 00:04:51,600 It just so happens I've been writing a song up here, concerning my diet, 62 00:04:51,767 --> 00:04:54,440 called ''Coo, Coo, Daddy Longlegs''. Wanna hear it? 63 00:04:54,607 --> 00:04:56,598 - Oh, yeah! - Right now? 64 00:04:56,767 --> 00:04:59,520 There's no point hanging around. 65 00:05:05,327 --> 00:05:09,206 # Saturday night hanging around for a bite 66 00:05:09,367 --> 00:05:12,245 # Find a real cutey with the dustmite blues... # 67 00:05:12,407 --> 00:05:14,716 Records and tapes. 68 00:05:14,887 --> 00:05:16,878 Videos. 69 00:05:17,047 --> 00:05:18,719 Overseas sales. 70 00:05:18,887 --> 00:05:20,798 Cable TV. 71 00:05:20,967 --> 00:05:24,084 Plus 60% McCartney, 40% me. 72 00:05:24,247 --> 00:05:27,239 There's gotta be 25 million in this. 73 00:05:28,007 --> 00:05:31,283 # Cranefly pie with a mosquito side salad 74 00:05:31,447 --> 00:05:34,837 # 23 years on a meat-free diet 75 00:05:35,007 --> 00:05:38,443 # Beetles, crickets gonna get you sickies 76 00:05:38,607 --> 00:05:41,917 # Here's a little sucker and you ought to try it 77 00:05:42,087 --> 00:05:45,716 # Coo, coo, Daddy Longlegs 78 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:49,402 # Hope it makes more money than ''Peggy Sue'' 79 00:05:49,567 --> 00:05:51,364 # Ha, ha, ha... # 80 00:05:51,807 --> 00:05:53,399 Aaaargh! 81 00:06:02,247 --> 00:06:04,602 I'll get a few quid on the guitar. 82 00:06:08,007 --> 00:06:13,843 Lucky they told me my room was on fire. I might've gone to sleep and burned to death. 83 00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:19,365 Not that I sleep much anyway, 'cause I spend my time in the kitchen. 84 00:06:19,527 --> 00:06:22,519 Hello, kitchen, hello! 85 00:06:22,687 --> 00:06:24,359 My name's Neil. 86 00:06:24,527 --> 00:06:28,964 Don't bother remembering it, 'cause I'll be dead soon anyway. 87 00:06:33,247 --> 00:06:34,566 Great! 88 00:06:36,607 --> 00:06:40,520 The only thing left is the teapot, and that's filthy. 89 00:06:40,687 --> 00:06:45,442 Thanks, Mr Balowski, for the oldest, dirtiest teapot in the world! 90 00:06:50,247 --> 00:06:52,238 Oh, wow! 91 00:06:52,887 --> 00:06:55,685 Just look at all this mess. 92 00:06:55,847 --> 00:07:01,126 I wish, just once, just once, this wouldn't happen to me. 93 00:07:06,287 --> 00:07:09,006 Oh...yeah... 94 00:07:09,647 --> 00:07:11,319 That's very Zen. 95 00:07:11,927 --> 00:07:13,326 Hi, Neil. 96 00:07:14,207 --> 00:07:18,723 Is this some sort of sick joke? Why isn't supper ready? 97 00:07:18,887 --> 00:07:22,197 - You haven't done a thing! - Sorry, Vyvyan. 98 00:07:22,367 --> 00:07:25,677 Considering none of you helped me unpack or do anything, 99 00:07:25,847 --> 00:07:28,998 and considering I'm not feeling very well today actually, 100 00:07:29,167 --> 00:07:30,919 no, it's not ready. 101 00:07:31,087 --> 00:07:36,002 I haven't got six pairs of hands. I wish I had, but I haven't. 102 00:07:37,407 --> 00:07:39,398 Oh, wow, I have! 103 00:07:42,567 --> 00:07:44,205 Yes...yeah! 104 00:07:44,367 --> 00:07:46,801 Yeah, of course. Yeah! 105 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:50,516 I've got six pairs of hands! Look, it's amazing! 106 00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:54,805 Neil, where's that emergency tin of spaghetti hoops we brought? 107 00:07:54,967 --> 00:07:59,119 Rick, Rick! You're gonna freak, man! 108 00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,880 You haven't even made the tea, Neil! 109 00:08:04,047 --> 00:08:05,366 Neil? 110 00:08:06,287 --> 00:08:10,075 Brilliant! I'll have to make my own bloody tea! 111 00:08:10,247 --> 00:08:13,683 Rick, come and look at this! You're gonna freak! 112 00:08:14,607 --> 00:08:16,882 (GENIE) Aaargh! 113 00:08:17,567 --> 00:08:21,321 I've got six pairs of hands! I'm Krishna! 114 00:08:22,087 --> 00:08:25,238 Dear, oh, dear. You'd do anything to impress me. 115 00:08:25,407 --> 00:08:27,318 Where's Vyvyan? 116 00:08:30,087 --> 00:08:31,406 Vyvyan! 117 00:08:32,247 --> 00:08:34,477 There you are, Vyvyan. 118 00:08:34,647 --> 00:08:37,286 - Could I have a word with you? - No. 119 00:08:37,447 --> 00:08:40,280 Just a little piece of information. 120 00:08:40,447 --> 00:08:44,520 Why did you throw the toilet out of the window? 121 00:08:44,687 --> 00:08:48,726 - To lower the rent. - Yes, of course. Stupid old me! 122 00:08:48,887 --> 00:08:52,846 Just one other thing. What are you talking about? 123 00:08:53,007 --> 00:08:58,081 Now we can go to the rent tribunal. You pay less for an outside lavvy. 124 00:08:58,247 --> 00:09:01,205 Really? Well, I don't believe you. 125 00:09:01,367 --> 00:09:05,997 You did it on purpose 'cause you know I've a runny bottom. 126 00:09:06,927 --> 00:09:09,885 Is Neil gonna make the supper or not? 127 00:09:10,047 --> 00:09:15,360 You better ask him that! I'm a bit more interested in my bottom! 128 00:09:15,927 --> 00:09:19,681 Neil! Neil! Let's not beat about the bush... 129 00:09:19,847 --> 00:09:23,283 Will you make supper, or shall I kick your teeth in? 130 00:09:23,447 --> 00:09:26,564 - Where you going with that sack? - Nowhere. 131 00:09:26,727 --> 00:09:29,525 - Is that your dirty washing? - No! 132 00:09:29,687 --> 00:09:32,679 We should take all our washing when we go to the launderette. 133 00:09:32,847 --> 00:09:35,964 What about the People's Charter we drew up? 134 00:09:36,127 --> 00:09:38,357 Right, laundry... 135 00:09:38,527 --> 00:09:39,846 Right... 136 00:09:40,007 --> 00:09:43,602 ''None of the guys, no matter what, 137 00:09:43,767 --> 00:09:47,043 ''not even if they've been eaten by wild dogs...'' 138 00:09:47,207 --> 00:09:48,845 That's my clause! 139 00:09:49,567 --> 00:09:54,595 ''..shall go to the launderette, without collecting everyone's gear.'' 140 00:09:54,767 --> 00:09:56,962 Clause 83. 141 00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:02,197 - ''Except for Mike.'' Sorry. - That's all right. 142 00:10:02,367 --> 00:10:06,758 I'm not going to the launderette, I'm going to the cellar...with a stiff. 143 00:10:06,927 --> 00:10:09,316 Know what I mean? 144 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:17,117 Well, that's fair enough, then. 145 00:10:17,287 --> 00:10:19,278 He gets worse by the minute. 146 00:10:19,447 --> 00:10:21,438 At least he's not doing the washing. 147 00:10:21,607 --> 00:10:26,601 Neil, I'll give you three seconds to make supper, starting now! 148 00:10:26,767 --> 00:10:28,758 Three seconds? 149 00:10:29,647 --> 00:10:30,966 One! 150 00:10:32,207 --> 00:10:33,526 Two! 151 00:10:34,527 --> 00:10:38,884 - What do you fancy, Vyv? - Three! Where's my supper? 152 00:10:39,047 --> 00:10:41,880 It's not quite finished yet, actually... 153 00:10:44,247 --> 00:10:48,365 That's right, Neil, yes! Lounge around, have a good time! 154 00:10:48,527 --> 00:10:51,803 While we starve to death! Beatnik! 155 00:10:51,967 --> 00:10:55,403 And you've broken my favourite plate! 156 00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:58,957 Suppose we'll have to cook our own supper. 157 00:11:04,807 --> 00:11:06,923 - What was that? - What? 158 00:11:09,327 --> 00:11:10,965 Nothing. 159 00:11:11,127 --> 00:11:14,483 My mind's beginning to play tricks with me. 160 00:11:14,647 --> 00:11:17,605 I thought we were lying on a raft just now. 161 00:11:19,687 --> 00:11:21,803 You should take it easy. 162 00:11:21,967 --> 00:11:24,481 You must be working too hard. 163 00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:29,719 - Bloody hot, isn't it? - It is. 164 00:11:31,407 --> 00:11:34,956 Should get a lower wattage bulb. 165 00:11:36,127 --> 00:11:38,721 Help! We're sinking! We're sinking! 166 00:11:38,887 --> 00:11:44,007 Relax. We're not sinking. We're not sinking. 167 00:11:45,927 --> 00:11:48,919 I'll get some fresh air in here. 168 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:53,800 (SEAGULLS SCREECHING) 169 00:11:59,047 --> 00:12:01,242 Oh, that's better. 170 00:12:09,367 --> 00:12:10,766 Er...? 171 00:12:10,927 --> 00:12:12,599 What's the matter? 172 00:12:12,767 --> 00:12:14,758 Nothing, nothing. 173 00:12:15,447 --> 00:12:18,166 Can you swim at all? 174 00:12:18,327 --> 00:12:19,646 What?! 175 00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:22,241 - I was just wondering. - Wondering? 176 00:12:22,407 --> 00:12:25,319 I wondered if you'd swim to the chemists 177 00:12:25,487 --> 00:12:28,160 and get me something for my hallucinations. 178 00:12:29,087 --> 00:12:30,918 Have you had one, too? 179 00:12:31,087 --> 00:12:35,160 Either that or the whole town has flooded. 180 00:12:36,007 --> 00:12:37,326 No... 181 00:12:37,487 --> 00:12:41,082 You're right, we've been working too hard. 182 00:12:41,247 --> 00:12:44,000 I haven't had a holiday for over a year. 183 00:12:44,167 --> 00:12:46,681 What about this? 184 00:12:46,847 --> 00:12:48,599 You what? 185 00:12:48,767 --> 00:12:51,235 This, a holiday? 186 00:12:51,407 --> 00:12:54,638 Two weeks in a cellar under a lightbulb?! 187 00:12:55,447 --> 00:12:59,156 - Well, it was all I could get. - All you could get! 188 00:12:59,327 --> 00:13:02,478 - Do me a favour! - What? 189 00:13:02,647 --> 00:13:06,799 Check and see if that really was an hallucination outside. 190 00:13:14,807 --> 00:13:16,365 How'd you get here? 191 00:13:16,527 --> 00:13:20,440 You'd have to ask my parents, they wouldn't tell me. 192 00:13:20,607 --> 00:13:23,758 Would you mind looking after my buddy? 193 00:13:25,247 --> 00:13:29,559 All right, so it was a bad joke. But then death isn't funny! 194 00:13:33,167 --> 00:13:35,556 This is revolting! 195 00:13:36,367 --> 00:13:41,122 It's amazing what you can come up with with just flour and water. 196 00:13:42,607 --> 00:13:44,757 Yeah...glue! 197 00:13:53,807 --> 00:13:56,685 What is that little white dot? 198 00:13:57,487 --> 00:13:59,603 It's a little white dot. 199 00:13:59,767 --> 00:14:01,917 Oh, very clever! 200 00:14:02,087 --> 00:14:05,079 Must be a really old telly. 201 00:14:05,247 --> 00:14:06,646 What, hippie? 202 00:14:07,487 --> 00:14:10,479 Look, it's a sign, that little white dot. 203 00:14:10,647 --> 00:14:13,957 It means something really heavy. 204 00:14:14,127 --> 00:14:17,961 It means there's no more telly. 205 00:14:18,127 --> 00:14:21,039 It's time to go to bed. 206 00:14:25,087 --> 00:14:30,639 I'm going upstairs now to finish my astrological star chart. 207 00:14:40,207 --> 00:14:43,085 Has anyone ever been even slightly interested 208 00:14:43,247 --> 00:14:46,876 in anything you ever say or do, Neil? 209 00:14:48,447 --> 00:14:50,165 Fascist! 210 00:14:52,647 --> 00:14:55,923 Oh... Are you going to bed, Vyvyan? 211 00:14:56,087 --> 00:15:00,080 No. I'm gonna watch the dot for a bit longer. 212 00:15:01,327 --> 00:15:05,366 Wish we had a video, then I could watch it in the morning. 213 00:15:07,127 --> 00:15:09,800 Oh, well. Nightie-night! 214 00:15:10,847 --> 00:15:14,044 (ANNOUNCER) And don"t forget to unplug your set. 215 00:15:14,207 --> 00:15:17,563 - Why? (ANNOUNCER) "Cause it"ll blow up. 216 00:15:18,327 --> 00:15:19,726 Great! 217 00:15:25,087 --> 00:15:27,601 It's never gonna blow up. 218 00:15:27,767 --> 00:15:30,520 I think I'll play ''Murder in the Dark''. 219 00:15:30,687 --> 00:15:32,757 (BANGING AND CRASHING) 220 00:15:39,487 --> 00:15:41,955 I could've made a fortune if I'd turned pro. 221 00:15:42,127 --> 00:15:44,482 But for me, it's the sport that matters. 222 00:15:44,647 --> 00:15:49,243 - Neil, can you throw my ball back? - Oh...OK. 223 00:15:49,687 --> 00:15:51,678 (WINDOW SMASHING) 224 00:15:51,847 --> 00:15:53,565 Howzat?! 225 00:15:55,167 --> 00:15:56,725 Aaargh! 226 00:15:56,887 --> 00:15:58,206 Aaargh! 227 00:15:59,087 --> 00:16:02,636 Aaargh! Who's been using my toothpaste? 228 00:16:02,807 --> 00:16:05,241 Vyv was typing and used it as Tippex. 229 00:16:05,407 --> 00:16:07,079 Bastard! 230 00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:15,278 - Why are you outside my room? - There's only the floor to sit on. 231 00:16:15,447 --> 00:16:19,918 Very funny! It's clever to laugh when three million people are on the dole? 232 00:16:20,087 --> 00:16:22,078 Yeah. 233 00:16:22,487 --> 00:16:25,160 Move away, I want to get in my room. 234 00:16:25,327 --> 00:16:27,397 - You're not dressed for it. - What? 235 00:16:27,567 --> 00:16:29,842 All right, I won't stand on convention. 236 00:16:30,007 --> 00:16:34,364 - That'll be a fiver for the room. - £5 to get in my own room?! 237 00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:37,485 What, have you turned it into a roller disco? 238 00:16:37,647 --> 00:16:39,638 Uncanny! 239 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:43,484 Look, do you mind all just going, please? 240 00:16:43,647 --> 00:16:47,276 Sorry to be a party pooper, but I want get undressed. 241 00:16:47,447 --> 00:16:51,645 Look, man. Either strut your stuff or bog off! 242 00:16:51,807 --> 00:16:53,798 Right! This is it! 243 00:16:53,967 --> 00:16:56,162 Everybody listen to me! 244 00:16:56,327 --> 00:16:58,443 Watch it! Watch it! 245 00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:10,723 Sorry, guv'nor. Apples and pears, tit for tat! 246 00:17:10,887 --> 00:17:14,323 And I was at Violet's funeral. 247 00:17:14,487 --> 00:17:19,959 This little Herbert has been bothering the gentlemen and ladies, 248 00:17:20,127 --> 00:17:24,484 whilst they were shaking their booties, know what I mean? 249 00:17:24,647 --> 00:17:27,798 Gentle, Slobber, I don't want the punters getting upset. 250 00:17:27,967 --> 00:17:30,197 Mike, you bastard! 251 00:17:30,367 --> 00:17:33,643 (NEIL) Next time, throw the paper out, too, Vyvyan! 252 00:17:33,807 --> 00:17:37,038 - Neil, help! - I can't, Rick. 253 00:17:37,207 --> 00:17:42,327 Because now is the time to finish painting my astrological chart. 254 00:17:43,727 --> 00:17:47,083 That'll do, Slobber. That'll do. 255 00:17:47,247 --> 00:17:52,685 I'm sorry. If I was to make an exception, who'd respect me then? 256 00:17:52,847 --> 00:17:55,998 I'm going to call the pigs, actually. See what they'll say. 257 00:17:56,167 --> 00:17:59,364 Wise up, Rick, this world is like a burnt steak. 258 00:17:59,527 --> 00:18:04,476 Small, tough and the chips are always stacked against you. 259 00:18:06,207 --> 00:18:10,519 You're always so pleased with yourself! So bloody clever! 260 00:18:10,687 --> 00:18:13,804 Yeah. I've arranged for you to share Neil's bedroom. 261 00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:18,324 What?! I'm not sharing a room with that rubber johnny! 262 00:18:19,327 --> 00:18:21,204 All right, Neil, shut up. 263 00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:23,881 I tossed a coin for the bed, and you lost! 264 00:18:24,047 --> 00:18:27,483 Completely fair, ask Mike. So shut up! 265 00:18:27,647 --> 00:18:29,922 OK, Rick. 266 00:18:30,087 --> 00:18:32,601 What? What did you just say? 267 00:18:32,767 --> 00:18:35,725 - You just called me a bastard. - No. 268 00:18:35,887 --> 00:18:41,996 You better not, 'cause me, Mike and Vyvyan are pretty sick of you. 269 00:18:42,527 --> 00:18:45,087 Urgh! Why are your sheets all sticky? 270 00:18:45,247 --> 00:18:49,035 - It's probably just the red paint. - But... Aaargh! 271 00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,480 OK, Neil? 272 00:18:52,647 --> 00:18:57,482 It may seem heavy-handed for £1.50, but I expect to get my loans back. 273 00:18:58,247 --> 00:19:02,604 (VYVYAN) I've struck oil! We're gonna be rich! I found oil in the cellar. 274 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:05,042 - For heaven's sake! - Easy, easy! 275 00:19:05,207 --> 00:19:07,084 Spill the beans, Vyv. 276 00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:10,796 It's very simple. I was playing ''Murder in the Dark'' in the cellar. 277 00:19:10,967 --> 00:19:15,563 I was getting bored, so I thought, ''I'll crack the floor with my head.'' 278 00:19:15,727 --> 00:19:17,957 Then, this huge spurt of oil came out. 279 00:19:18,127 --> 00:19:20,357 This could be very big. Family-size. 280 00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:23,917 - Tonight we sleep on it. - What? All four on one spurt? 281 00:19:24,087 --> 00:19:28,046 We're gonna be rich. House meeting, tomorrow, 9 o'clock, broom cupboard. 282 00:19:28,207 --> 00:19:33,235 Neil? I want that £1.50 by Wednesday or another moose dies. 283 00:19:47,087 --> 00:19:52,878 Dear me, Mum. I know our job is to serve the young gentlemen. 284 00:19:53,047 --> 00:19:57,802 But I'm sure young Master Neil do treat us rough. 285 00:19:57,967 --> 00:20:00,925 So he should, Lucy, for we love it. 286 00:20:01,087 --> 00:20:03,601 The complete negation of our personality, 287 00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:06,964 the mind-numbing servility and the 18-hour day, 288 00:20:07,127 --> 00:20:11,166 and we expect no reward but a staircase over our heads. 289 00:20:11,327 --> 00:20:14,399 Oh, dear, yes, Lucy. We love it. 290 00:20:14,567 --> 00:20:19,118 The personal abuse is our lot, and the further back you go, the better. 291 00:20:19,527 --> 00:20:23,361 Now, everyone, the masters are coming to beat us. 292 00:20:23,527 --> 00:20:28,078 Not a peep out of you, or you'll have me to answer to! 293 00:20:39,687 --> 00:20:41,006 Tsk! 294 00:20:42,807 --> 00:20:47,597 Strange that Mike wants a meeting in here. I've never been here before. 295 00:20:47,767 --> 00:20:50,759 That's because this is where we keep the cleaning stuff. 296 00:20:50,927 --> 00:20:54,522 No, it's because we only moved in here yesterday! 297 00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:58,760 I'm surprised anyone except me knows this place even exists. 298 00:20:58,927 --> 00:21:04,047 Because although to you lot I seem to have as much importance as... 299 00:21:04,207 --> 00:21:05,925 Erm... As a...? 300 00:21:06,087 --> 00:21:07,918 - A hippie! - A hippie. 301 00:21:08,087 --> 00:21:12,717 - It's me that does all the cleaning. - Moan, moan, boring! 302 00:21:12,887 --> 00:21:16,880 Just because you do a little bit of housework! 303 00:21:17,047 --> 00:21:20,357 What? A little bit? All right... 304 00:21:20,527 --> 00:21:23,644 - House meeting. - This IS a house meeting! 305 00:21:23,807 --> 00:21:27,561 That's what I'm saying. Is it? Where's Mike and Vyvyan? 306 00:21:27,727 --> 00:21:33,040 Late! We're only on time because you kept me awake all night ringing bells. 307 00:21:33,207 --> 00:21:37,564 Listen, man, sleep gives you cancer. Everyone knows that. 308 00:21:37,727 --> 00:21:42,562 Listen, do you know the difference between you and some Number Twos? 309 00:21:42,727 --> 00:21:45,002 Nothing! 310 00:21:45,167 --> 00:21:49,319 - Oh, stop crying! - I've got dust in my sinuses. 311 00:21:49,487 --> 00:21:52,684 That'll teach you to stop skiving on the cleaning! 312 00:21:52,847 --> 00:21:54,644 - Oh, no... - What? 313 00:21:54,807 --> 00:21:56,923 - I'm gonna sneeze. - Neil, no! 314 00:21:57,087 --> 00:21:59,726 - I am. I always do. - No! 315 00:22:07,287 --> 00:22:10,279 Sorry about that, it always happens. 316 00:22:11,927 --> 00:22:14,521 Here they are, El Presidente! 317 00:22:15,447 --> 00:22:17,756 Stop the insurgence! 318 00:22:18,367 --> 00:22:22,076 I'll teach you to try and assassinate the President. 319 00:22:22,247 --> 00:22:24,238 El Presidente! 320 00:22:27,367 --> 00:22:31,599 - What the ruddy heck is going on? - Shut your face, traitor. 321 00:22:33,807 --> 00:22:35,638 Ha! Missed both my legs! 322 00:22:35,807 --> 00:22:37,126 Shut up! 323 00:22:38,367 --> 00:22:41,677 Who's been sticking chewing gum on the floor? 324 00:22:42,127 --> 00:22:44,595 - Silence. - Silence! 325 00:22:46,527 --> 00:22:48,757 - Gentlemen, good morning. - Good morning. 326 00:22:48,927 --> 00:22:53,284 Glad you all made it, 'cause if not, you wouldn't be here. 327 00:22:53,447 --> 00:22:57,360 - Why were you in the broom cupboard? - Good question! 328 00:22:57,527 --> 00:22:59,483 For a house meeting. 329 00:22:59,647 --> 00:23:02,002 - Impossible. - Impossible! 330 00:23:03,407 --> 00:23:07,639 Because Colonel Vyvyan and I had a house meeting 15 minutes ago. 331 00:23:07,807 --> 00:23:09,957 I'm afraid, under the new regulations, 332 00:23:10,127 --> 00:23:12,721 non-attendance is punishable by death. 333 00:23:12,887 --> 00:23:15,355 Ha-ha-ha! Death! 334 00:23:16,527 --> 00:23:20,122 I'd overlook this, but unfortunately you are responsible 335 00:23:20,287 --> 00:23:22,596 for certain other criminal activity. 336 00:23:22,767 --> 00:23:25,076 - Namely loitering with intent... - Good one! 337 00:23:25,247 --> 00:23:26,919 ..conspiring in the broom cupboard... 338 00:23:27,087 --> 00:23:28,406 Brilliant! 339 00:23:28,567 --> 00:23:31,525 ..damaging police equipment. 340 00:23:32,967 --> 00:23:35,003 However, I, El Presidente... 341 00:23:35,167 --> 00:23:36,759 Viva El Presidente! 342 00:23:37,687 --> 00:23:41,202 I'm prepared to offer a free amnesty, if you behave 343 00:23:41,367 --> 00:23:44,962 and go down to the cellar and dig up the oil. 344 00:23:45,127 --> 00:23:48,085 Fascist junta! 345 00:23:48,727 --> 00:23:52,356 You do want to be incredibly rich, don't you? 346 00:23:52,527 --> 00:23:55,803 Yes, but why can't you dig as well? 347 00:23:55,967 --> 00:23:58,640 - That is fab, Rick. - Fab! 348 00:23:58,807 --> 00:24:01,560 So what do I say to the Saudis? 349 00:24:01,727 --> 00:24:07,120 ''Hello, King Faud, I've got a sample of oil for you...all over my shirt. 350 00:24:07,287 --> 00:24:11,565 ''You wouldn't have a tin of Swarfega about the palace, your mightiness?'' 351 00:24:11,727 --> 00:24:14,560 Wise up, he'd chop my hands off! 352 00:24:14,727 --> 00:24:18,720 Don't say that about the Arabs, you'll get us into trouble. 353 00:24:18,887 --> 00:24:20,764 Your magnificence. 354 00:24:20,927 --> 00:24:24,078 The British Foreign Secretary has arrived, 355 00:24:24,247 --> 00:24:27,762 to offer his apology for recent press criticism 356 00:24:27,927 --> 00:24:29,997 of our alleged cruelty. 357 00:24:30,167 --> 00:24:31,919 I will see him now. 358 00:24:32,087 --> 00:24:35,636 Which bit of him would you like to see first? 359 00:24:44,887 --> 00:24:47,355 (BONE SPLINTERS) Sorry, Vyv. 360 00:24:58,447 --> 00:25:00,358 That's OK, Neil. 361 00:25:00,527 --> 00:25:04,122 It was bound to happen sooner or later. 362 00:25:11,047 --> 00:25:13,800 You all right, Vyvyan? 363 00:25:15,247 --> 00:25:16,566 Vyvyan? 364 00:25:18,007 --> 00:25:19,406 Great! 365 00:25:19,567 --> 00:25:22,035 This is it! I've waited two hours. 366 00:25:22,207 --> 00:25:25,279 - It's a revolution! - What do you mean, revolution? 367 00:25:25,447 --> 00:25:28,405 Revolution, blood runs, flags wave. 368 00:25:28,567 --> 00:25:32,003 Throw down your tools and throw up a barricade! 369 00:25:32,167 --> 00:25:35,523 Come on, run into the Winter Palace... Winter Palace, 370 00:25:35,687 --> 00:25:38,804 and stand on tables waving bits of paper at each other. 371 00:25:38,967 --> 00:25:40,719 - Yes! - Yes! 372 00:25:40,887 --> 00:25:43,765 ''Are you the Tsar?'' ''Yes, I am, actually.'' 373 00:25:43,927 --> 00:25:46,566 BANG! BANG! ''Tough luck, fascist!'' 374 00:25:46,727 --> 00:25:50,242 ''That's what happens to people who aren't working class.'' 375 00:25:50,407 --> 00:25:53,444 Yes, yes, Neil. Listen, I've got everything ready. 376 00:25:53,607 --> 00:25:58,806 In ten minutes, there'll be a rock 'n' roll benefit in our room. 377 00:25:58,967 --> 00:26:02,562 Right at the climax, the oppressed working classes of this house, 378 00:26:02,727 --> 00:26:04,365 that's you, mainly, 379 00:26:04,527 --> 00:26:07,644 will rise up and seize control of the state. 380 00:26:07,807 --> 00:26:09,684 Brilliant! Revolution! 381 00:26:09,847 --> 00:26:13,044 Watch out, Norman Tebbitt! Come on! 382 00:26:15,727 --> 00:26:18,082 Aaargh! Urgh! 383 00:26:18,247 --> 00:26:22,957 - I wish they wouldn't do that. - It's passage of time, Rick. 384 00:26:28,167 --> 00:26:31,796 Who are you? I wanna watch ''Postman Pat''. 385 00:26:32,927 --> 00:26:34,565 The band, ''Radical Posture''. 386 00:26:34,727 --> 00:26:37,958 And my name's Alexei Yuri Gagarin Siege of Stalingrad 387 00:26:38,127 --> 00:26:40,595 Glorious Five-Year Plan Sputnik Tractor 388 00:26:40,767 --> 00:26:43,679 Moscow Dynamo Back Four Balowski. 389 00:26:43,847 --> 00:26:46,645 Dad was a bit of a communist, know what I mean? 390 00:26:46,807 --> 00:26:50,117 You're the spitting image of our landlord, Jerzei. 391 00:26:50,287 --> 00:26:52,482 Yeah, he's my uncle, actually. 392 00:26:52,647 --> 00:26:55,480 That's incredible! You're as like as two peas. 393 00:26:55,647 --> 00:26:58,639 I hate that expression. It's so patronising. 394 00:26:58,807 --> 00:27:00,126 Yes. 395 00:27:00,287 --> 00:27:05,156 It's the sort of vegetablist comment you'd expect from a dictator. 396 00:27:06,927 --> 00:27:12,524 Well, this is it. The rock 'n' roll benefit for the oppressed workers... 397 00:27:13,847 --> 00:27:16,884 Hi, Mike... What are you doing here? 398 00:27:17,047 --> 00:27:19,356 Never mind me, who are they? 399 00:27:19,527 --> 00:27:21,961 Oh, blimey! 400 00:27:22,967 --> 00:27:26,880 Search me. Perhaps they're friends who've just popped in to... 401 00:27:27,047 --> 00:27:29,641 ..play a rehearsal or something. 402 00:27:29,807 --> 00:27:33,595 - Want to go and lie down? - I think I'd better. 403 00:27:37,127 --> 00:27:38,446 Great! 404 00:27:39,327 --> 00:27:40,680 Hi, Sputnik. 405 00:27:40,847 --> 00:27:43,566 Or can I call you ''Comrade''? 406 00:27:43,727 --> 00:27:46,924 You know the plan? At the peak of the gig... 407 00:27:47,087 --> 00:27:50,477 ..you incite the masses, and we burn the Reichstag. 408 00:27:50,647 --> 00:27:55,038 We burn Mike's room, anyway. And then, hey, presto! Revolution! 409 00:27:55,207 --> 00:27:58,597 Stuff the revolution, where's my 200 quid? 410 00:27:58,767 --> 00:28:00,086 Er...yeah. 411 00:28:00,247 --> 00:28:03,319 I better sell some tickets, hadn't I? 412 00:28:07,767 --> 00:28:09,564 Ha-ha! 413 00:28:10,807 --> 00:28:12,126 Tickets! 414 00:28:13,207 --> 00:28:14,526 Anybody? 415 00:28:15,687 --> 00:28:18,406 Probably stuck in a queue or something! 416 00:28:22,127 --> 00:28:26,006 Neil...did you actually pay to get in? 417 00:28:26,167 --> 00:28:28,886 No, I'm the oppressed workers, remember? 418 00:28:29,047 --> 00:28:31,720 Yes, but this is a benefit gig. 419 00:28:31,887 --> 00:28:34,196 The tickets are £200 each. 420 00:28:34,367 --> 00:28:37,040 £200? That's nearly a term's grant. 421 00:28:37,207 --> 00:28:40,961 This benefit is for you. In aid of you. To help you. 422 00:28:41,127 --> 00:28:44,756 And you won't even pay for it. How self-centred! £200! 423 00:28:44,927 --> 00:28:47,646 I've only got 50p. 424 00:28:47,807 --> 00:28:50,037 That'll have to do. 425 00:28:50,207 --> 00:28:53,438 It better be good, this Norman Tebbitt. 426 00:28:54,847 --> 00:28:58,601 Whoa! OK, yeah. Great to be here at this benefit! 427 00:28:58,767 --> 00:29:00,564 Whoa! Yeah! 428 00:29:00,727 --> 00:29:06,165 I'm feeling really, whoa! OK, yeah. You feeling OK, right! 429 00:29:07,487 --> 00:29:09,045 Whoa! All right, yeah! 430 00:29:10,247 --> 00:29:15,116 This is funky, like one big empty room here, yeah! 431 00:29:15,687 --> 00:29:17,279 Whoa! All right! OK! 432 00:29:17,847 --> 00:29:22,443 We're gonna do a number recently in the charts about racial harmony. 433 00:29:22,607 --> 00:29:28,318 About black and white people living in harmony together on pianos! 434 00:29:30,327 --> 00:29:33,364 I might be a bit stupid, like, 435 00:29:33,527 --> 00:29:37,805 but I know that pianos aren't gonna solve nothing, know what I mean? 436 00:29:37,967 --> 00:29:41,437 One thing unites us, that we all have in common, 437 00:29:41,607 --> 00:29:44,963 what is it, that one thing? 438 00:29:45,127 --> 00:29:48,915 # It's not class or ideology Colour, creed or roots 439 00:29:49,087 --> 00:29:52,682 # The only thing that unites us Is Dr Marten's boots 440 00:29:52,847 --> 00:29:56,681 # Dr Marten gave boots to the world So that everybody could be free 441 00:29:56,847 --> 00:30:02,285 # They're classless, matchless Waterproof and retail for only £19.99 442 00:30:02,887 --> 00:30:06,402 # Soon everyone'll be wearing Those boots with the airflow soles 443 00:30:06,567 --> 00:30:10,401 # Your boots will have a meeting And your boots will take control 444 00:30:10,567 --> 00:30:14,082 # Thanks to Dr Marten Everybody moves to one beat 445 00:30:14,247 --> 00:30:18,160 # Thanks to Dr Marten They'll be dancing in the street 446 00:30:18,327 --> 00:30:21,364 # Now, don't you want me? 447 00:30:24,927 --> 00:30:27,805 # OK, boots, do your stuff 448 00:30:47,607 --> 00:30:51,236 # Dr Marten's, Dr Marten's, Dr Marten's boots 449 00:30:51,407 --> 00:30:55,082 # Dr Marten's, Dr Marten's, Dr Marten's boots 450 00:30:55,247 --> 00:30:59,286 # Dr Marten's, Dr Marten's, Dr Marten's boots! # 451 00:31:00,247 --> 00:31:03,717 Boring! Don't you has-beens read the NME? 452 00:31:03,887 --> 00:31:05,798 What happened to the revolution? 453 00:31:05,967 --> 00:31:10,119 God! You'd think ''Devil Woman'' had never been written! 454 00:31:10,287 --> 00:31:13,279 What are you two doing? You should be digging for oil. 455 00:31:13,447 --> 00:31:18,760 You realise all this loafing around has cost us one day of being rich. 456 00:31:18,927 --> 00:31:20,246 What? 457 00:31:20,407 --> 00:31:22,921 Goodness! Is that the time? 458 00:32:14,367 --> 00:32:18,280 By the way, it was a complete lie about the oil.