1
00:01:44,007 --> 00:01:45,998
- What is it? What does it mean?
- What?

2
00:01:46,198 --> 00:01:48,047
- DIY.
- Do it yourself.

3
00:01:48,247 --> 00:01:51,762
I know, but it's not messing about
with Black & Decker drills.

4
00:01:51,962 --> 00:01:53,798
- It might be.
- Tell me.

5
00:01:56,527 --> 00:01:57,926
- Do it yourself.
- I know.

6
00:01:58,126 --> 00:01:59,883
- Well, that's what it is.
- What?

7
00:02:00,083 --> 00:02:02,447
Do it yourself.

8
00:02:02,647 --> 00:02:04,239
No, still don't get it.

9
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:07,167
Oh!

10
00:02:07,367 --> 00:02:08,407
Ho, ho, ho.

11
00:02:08,607 --> 00:02:10,245
Oh, I see, do it yourself!

12
00:02:10,445 --> 00:02:12,437
That's filthy, really filthy.

13
00:02:12,637 --> 00:02:14,205
How do you know that?

14
00:02:14,405 --> 00:02:18,035
I didn't know.
How do you know these things?

15
00:02:19,887 --> 00:02:22,647
- And O-levels. What are O-levels?
- Ssh.

16
00:02:22,847 --> 00:02:25,927
Why? Why shush? Don't tell me to shush.
O-levels are exams.

17
00:02:26,127 --> 00:02:29,756
What my David's doing at his private school.
He's doing his O-levels.

18
00:02:29,956 --> 00:02:30,887
Here you are.

19
00:02:31,087 --> 00:02:32,600
- Do you enjoy it, June?
- What?

20
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:35,407
- Sex.
- When I get it. What about you?

21
00:02:35,607 --> 00:02:37,247
Wet knickers and missed periods.

22
00:02:37,447 --> 00:02:40,997
First time I had it, I thought
I'd been knocked down by a brewer's dray.

23
00:02:47,287 --> 00:02:48,967
Eh! Rose!

24
00:02:49,167 --> 00:02:51,047
You bugger!

25
00:02:51,247 --> 00:02:53,238
You owe me rent.

26
00:02:55,767 --> 00:02:57,267
Bloody tart!

27
00:03:09,247 --> 00:03:12,159
- Can you cover for me? I've got to go out.
- What, now?

28
00:03:19,527 --> 00:03:22,007
- BCSD.
- BCSD.

29
00:03:22,207 --> 00:03:23,927
Christine, BCSD.

30
00:03:24,127 --> 00:03:25,627
Oh, Christmas!

31
00:03:35,647 --> 00:03:37,927
Oh, thanks, babe.

32
00:03:38,127 --> 00:03:40,402
- What about tonight?
- What about the weekend?

33
00:03:40,602 --> 00:03:42,483
- The Dorchester.
- David's sports day.

34
00:03:42,683 --> 00:03:44,279
- Dinner and dance.
- Very nice.

35
00:03:44,479 --> 00:03:45,919
And put your best frock on.

36
00:03:46,119 --> 00:03:47,958
- BCSD.
- BCSD.

37
00:04:05,007 --> 00:04:06,687
Hello.

38
00:04:06,887 --> 00:04:08,764
Oh, yes, that's right.

39
00:04:08,964 --> 00:04:11,287
Yes. Yes, Ginette is 22.

40
00:04:11,487 --> 00:04:14,567
She has a full but firm 36-24-36 figure

41
00:04:14,767 --> 00:04:17,201
and offers a full personal service.

42
00:04:17,401 --> 00:04:19,167
You will like her.

43
00:04:19,367 --> 00:04:22,006
Ginette has devastating revealing photos,

44
00:04:22,206 --> 00:04:26,607
caters for party lovers,
and offers a full theatrical wardrobe.

45
00:04:26,807 --> 00:04:29,640
French maid, nurse, gymslip, that kind of thing.

46
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:31,727
Mild CP and other games.

47
00:04:31,927 --> 00:04:34,361
Executive fun for the over 40s.

48
00:04:34,561 --> 00:04:36,443
Kinky but not cruel.

49
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:38,876
Why not pop round?

50
00:04:39,076 --> 00:04:41,157
Good. Bye-bye.

51
00:04:52,127 --> 00:04:54,687
- Excuse me. Thank you.
- Sorry.

52
00:04:59,167 --> 00:05:00,447
Forgot my keys.

53
00:05:00,647 --> 00:05:03,207
See you later. Make yourself at home. Ha ha!

54
00:05:03,407 --> 00:05:04,567
Oops, excuse me.

55
00:05:04,767 --> 00:05:06,327
- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.

56
00:05:06,527 --> 00:05:08,597
You have an appointment with the governess.

57
00:05:08,797 --> 00:05:10,887
No, that is not correct.

58
00:05:11,087 --> 00:05:13,157
I have an appointment with the nanny.

59
00:05:16,407 --> 00:05:18,687
Mr Marples, for the nanny.

60
00:05:18,887 --> 00:05:23,119
- I thought Mr Marples was for House of Pain.
- No, winkie-poos and bot-bots.

61
00:05:23,319 --> 00:05:26,523
Oh, God!
It's taken me an hour to get into this lot.

62
00:06:58,847 --> 00:06:59,927
- Gotcha!
- Oh!

63
00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:02,118
Where's my bloody rent?

64
00:07:04,287 --> 00:07:06,278
I want my...

65
00:07:12,447 --> 00:07:15,207
Miss Painter?

66
00:07:15,407 --> 00:07:18,205
- Rent. You owe me rent.
- It's the rent man. I heard him.

67
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:21,159
Miss Painter, I know you're in there. Open up.

68
00:07:21,359 --> 00:07:24,438
- I want my rent.
- I want my rent, do you hear me?

69
00:07:24,767 --> 00:07:28,203
R E N T spells rent.
I know you're in there.

70
00:07:29,087 --> 00:07:31,078
Miss Painter.

71
00:07:31,447 --> 00:07:36,157
Rent by Friday or I send in the heavy mob.
See how you like it.

72
00:07:40,487 --> 00:07:41,327
Rent.

73
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:45,447
Oh, gawd, I'm sorry, Christine.
I ain't done the business.

74
00:07:45,647 --> 00:07:47,638
I've had the curse, and the flu.

75
00:07:47,838 --> 00:07:49,962
Terrible flu, and the curse as well.

76
00:07:50,162 --> 00:07:51,727
Business is terrible.

77
00:07:51,927 --> 00:07:53,047
I'm here all on my own.

78
00:07:53,247 --> 00:07:56,603
There's the phone to answer, the door,
the client to service.

79
00:07:56,803 --> 00:08:00,481
- Then get a maid.
- I'd better go before someone steals the baby.

80
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:03,564
- What are you doing with that?
- My one's broke.

81
00:08:03,764 --> 00:08:05,359
- I'll get you one.
- What?

82
00:08:05,559 --> 00:08:06,767
- A maid.
- You?

83
00:08:06,967 --> 00:08:09,686
First thing Monday.
Get your knickers into gear.

84
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:29,923
- Yes?
- Oh, is... is Melanie here?

85
00:09:30,123 --> 00:09:31,559
No, she's not.

86
00:09:46,087 --> 00:09:50,080
- Yes?
- Are you free at the moment?

87
00:09:51,647 --> 00:09:54,367
- Are you a married man?
- Yes.

88
00:09:54,567 --> 00:09:57,798
What about your wife, then?
What's wrong with her?

89
00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:01,317
Well, we've not had sex for 23 years.

90
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,278
Are you available?

91
00:10:04,287 --> 00:10:05,800
What do you think I am?

92
00:10:24,647 --> 00:10:27,647
- Mr Popozogolou.
- Miss Painter.

93
00:10:27,847 --> 00:10:30,520
How convenient to find you at home.

94
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,067
May I come in?

95
00:10:33,247 --> 00:10:34,760
Yes, of course. Come in.

96
00:10:36,247 --> 00:10:37,747
This way, please.

97
00:10:40,927 --> 00:10:43,202
Come in, sit down, make yourself at home.

98
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:47,878
- I suppose you're here for the rent.
- That is correct.

99
00:10:52,447 --> 00:10:56,487
Miss Painter, you are
one week behind with the rent.

100
00:10:56,687 --> 00:10:59,281
- One whole week.
- I haven't got it, but I can get it.

101
00:10:59,481 --> 00:11:02,239
I always pay my way.
I believe in paying my own way.

102
00:11:02,439 --> 00:11:04,118
That is very correct.

103
00:11:09,767 --> 00:11:11,758
Miss Painter,

104
00:11:14,687 --> 00:11:16,126
you do not live here, do you?

105
00:11:16,326 --> 00:11:18,407
I'd like to live here.

106
00:11:18,607 --> 00:11:20,996
- You are subletting, yes?
- I suppose so.

107
00:11:24,007 --> 00:11:26,007
To what kind of person you are subletting?

108
00:11:26,207 --> 00:11:29,119
Same as a lot of the other flats in this block.
You should know.

109
00:11:29,319 --> 00:11:30,998
- Prostitutes.
- Tarts.

110
00:11:31,198 --> 00:11:32,047
I see.

111
00:11:32,247 --> 00:11:35,876
You're doing all right here.
All these flats. What a racket.

112
00:11:36,887 --> 00:11:39,276
Oh, pa pa pa pa pa.

113
00:11:48,127 --> 00:11:50,407
Miss Painter,

114
00:11:50,607 --> 00:11:52,967
what are you going to do about the rent?

115
00:11:53,167 --> 00:11:56,443
I have a son at school, private school.
I have to pay the fees.

116
00:11:56,643 --> 00:11:58,478
I'll give it to you next week.

117
00:12:01,007 --> 00:12:02,804
Why wait until next week?

118
00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:05,798
Give me a week.

119
00:12:07,967 --> 00:12:11,562
Why wait until next week
when you can pay me now?

120
00:12:12,007 --> 00:12:14,362
I can't pay you now.

121
00:12:15,927 --> 00:12:17,918
The rent, Miss Painter.

122
00:12:18,967 --> 00:12:21,117
It must be paid.

123
00:12:22,447 --> 00:12:24,438
One way or another.

124
00:12:28,567 --> 00:12:30,080
Oh.

125
00:12:43,407 --> 00:12:46,365
I had a sexual encounter with my landlord today.

126
00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:48,875
- What brought that on?
- The rent.

127
00:12:49,075 --> 00:12:50,599
Mr Popozogolou.

128
00:12:50,799 --> 00:12:52,487
That's his name.

129
00:12:52,687 --> 00:12:54,447
Christine, get rid of 'em.

130
00:12:54,647 --> 00:12:57,607
- What?
- Those flats. Get rid of 'em, all of 'em.

131
00:12:57,807 --> 00:13:00,685
- She's right, Christine.
- If the cows paid the rent...

132
00:13:00,885 --> 00:13:02,683
They won't pay the rent.

133
00:13:03,527 --> 00:13:05,597
You're the only ones that ever pay.

134
00:13:05,797 --> 00:13:08,844
Look, bugger the girls.
You get rid of those flats.

135
00:13:09,967 --> 00:13:12,003
Dolly, have a look at this.

136
00:13:13,247 --> 00:13:14,487
Ain't that lovely?

137
00:13:14,687 --> 00:13:16,405
- I could live in that.
- Yeah.

138
00:13:16,605 --> 00:13:18,287
- Here.
- What's this for?

139
00:13:18,487 --> 00:13:21,285
- It's a bit extra.
- You've already paid. You can't pay twice.

140
00:13:21,485 --> 00:13:24,046
We've been using your living room
as well as your bedroom.

141
00:13:24,246 --> 00:13:25,645
We've been off our feet.

142
00:13:25,845 --> 00:13:29,527
- And I'm away for the next two weeks.
- Is that next week?

143
00:13:29,727 --> 00:13:31,957
It's the next two weeks. I told you.

144
00:13:32,447 --> 00:13:35,917
I'm Saudi Arabia this weekend,
and then off down to Ron's mum in Brighton.

145
00:13:36,117 --> 00:13:37,487
Saudi Arabia?

146
00:13:37,687 --> 00:13:40,607
- For the weekend.
- For the weekend?

147
00:13:40,807 --> 00:13:43,401
- She's got a sheik in Saudi Arabia.
- 104 if he's a day.

148
00:13:43,601 --> 00:13:46,280
- Flies me out when he gets randy.
- Once every two years.

149
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,287
What about your sugar daddy?

150
00:13:48,487 --> 00:13:51,923
The one with the big car.
He's got loads of money. What's his name?

151
00:13:52,447 --> 00:13:53,327
Sydney.

152
00:13:53,527 --> 00:13:55,722
- Sydney.
- BCSD.

153
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:56,767
BCSD.

154
00:13:56,967 --> 00:13:59,242
- What's BCSD?
- Big car, small dick.

155
00:14:03,047 --> 00:14:05,087
It's true, Shirley. I can't find it.

156
00:14:05,287 --> 00:14:09,807
I spend all my time rummaging
inside his pyjamas looking for his little willy.

157
00:14:10,007 --> 00:14:12,805
Too many things can go wrong with sex.
Too many bits and pieces.

158
00:14:13,005 --> 00:14:15,122
- He takes you to nice places.
- There's no romance.

159
00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:16,725
- No dick.
- No dick.

160
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:22,487
Not like Mr Popozogolou.

161
00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:26,760
- He had a really funny one, Mr Popozogolou.
- Marry him. Keep you laughing.

162
00:14:27,207 --> 00:14:30,102
It was like...
It wasn't long, but my God, it was...

163
00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:32,202
What's that German sausage called?

164
00:14:32,402 --> 00:14:33,887
- Salami.
- Liverwurst.

165
00:14:34,087 --> 00:14:37,927
Liverwurst. It was like a lump of liverwurst.
It was like that.

166
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:41,119
He wanted me to put it in his mouth.
Can you imagine?

167
00:14:41,319 --> 00:14:44,607
- His mouth?
- My mouth. You know.

168
00:14:44,807 --> 00:14:46,087
What did you do?

169
00:14:46,287 --> 00:14:48,687
- I went down and had a look.
- And then what?

170
00:14:48,887 --> 00:14:52,641
I came back up again bloody quick.
I couldn't do it for love, let alone money.

171
00:14:52,841 --> 00:14:56,282
- So what did you do?
- I did him with my hand. This one.

172
00:14:56,967 --> 00:14:59,197
- A hand job?
- That's right.

173
00:14:59,397 --> 00:15:01,681
- A wank.
- A Popozogolou.

174
00:15:01,881 --> 00:15:03,285
A Popozogolou!

175
00:15:10,407 --> 00:15:11,907
It... It went...

176
00:15:12,567 --> 00:15:14,558
It went... brrrp!

177
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:18,567
Just like that.

178
00:15:18,767 --> 00:15:22,680
Really high. I mean, even he was surprised.

179
00:15:24,447 --> 00:15:26,887
- I'll pay.
- I need a wee.

180
00:15:27,087 --> 00:15:30,247
He's a nice man, Mr Popozogolou.
I felt sorry for him.

181
00:15:30,447 --> 00:15:33,837
- What are you doing the next couple of weeks?
- I thought I'd knit a cardie.

182
00:15:34,037 --> 00:15:35,559
- You know Rose?
- Scrag-end Rose?

183
00:15:35,759 --> 00:15:38,167
Could you maid for her
until she finds somebody else?

184
00:15:38,367 --> 00:15:39,367
- No.
- Why not?

185
00:15:39,567 --> 00:15:42,525
She's a scrubber.
I wouldn't maid for no scrubber.

186
00:15:44,447 --> 00:15:45,947
Oh, here's Ron.

187
00:15:46,807 --> 00:15:49,447
- Hello, Ron.
- All right, Doll?

188
00:15:49,647 --> 00:15:51,956
- Come on, we'd better go, love.
- See you.

189
00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:57,562
She's a young model of 21,
a petite figure, but very sexy.

190
00:15:58,487 --> 00:16:00,247
You will like her.

191
00:16:00,447 --> 00:16:04,042
That is correct. Yes.
She offers a full personal service.

192
00:16:04,242 --> 00:16:06,647
Sophisticated, discreet, and clean.

193
00:16:06,847 --> 00:16:08,439
Five o'clock last caller.

194
00:16:08,639 --> 00:16:10,318
Why not pop round?

195
00:16:10,567 --> 00:16:14,765
We are 33, that's 3-3, Pierpoint Street.

196
00:16:16,047 --> 00:16:17,685
That's right, as in Albert.

197
00:16:18,807 --> 00:16:20,307
Hope to see you, then.

198
00:16:22,487 --> 00:16:24,087
God, I'm freezing!

199
00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:27,245
What man in his right mind
wants to get his cock out in this weather?

200
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,167
Hi.

201
00:16:29,367 --> 00:16:31,358
- What are you doing here?
- You've got one.

202
00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:33,363
- What?
- Client. I'm your new maid.

203
00:16:33,563 --> 00:16:35,727
- You? A prostitute's maid?
- Why not?

204
00:16:35,927 --> 00:16:38,964
- Get a move on. You've got a client.
- Bugger him. I need a coffee.

205
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,527
Listen to me.
I've chucked in my job at the café for this.

206
00:16:41,727 --> 00:16:43,763
So get in here, get on your back, and get busy.

207
00:16:43,963 --> 00:16:46,241
Well, who is it? I don't want no time wasters.

208
00:16:47,247 --> 00:16:49,047
Oh, it's you.

209
00:16:49,247 --> 00:16:51,442
All right. I'll do him first.

210
00:16:52,967 --> 00:16:54,556
Come on.

211
00:16:58,927 --> 00:17:00,565
Thanks.

212
00:17:37,087 --> 00:17:39,078
Bloody hell!

213
00:17:40,607 --> 00:17:41,647
That was quick.

214
00:17:41,847 --> 00:17:44,520
- See the man to the door, then.
- Yes, of course.

215
00:17:51,727 --> 00:17:56,278
- Thank you. Goodbye.
- Oh, thank you. Did you change your mind?

216
00:17:56,478 --> 00:17:57,287
Pardon?

217
00:17:57,487 --> 00:17:59,762
Did you change your mind?

218
00:17:59,962 --> 00:18:01,396
No.

219
00:18:02,367 --> 00:18:04,367
Oh, come again, then.

220
00:18:04,567 --> 00:18:06,067
- Nice to see you.
- Thank you.

221
00:18:06,267 --> 00:18:08,078
- Bye.
- Bye.

222
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,447
- That was quick.
- "That was quick".

223
00:18:16,647 --> 00:18:18,160
Piss off and make some coffee.

224
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:21,327
- You look like Dracula's daughter.
- "That was quick".

225
00:18:21,527 --> 00:18:24,527
It was quick.
It was in and out, just like that. In, out.

226
00:18:24,727 --> 00:18:28,567
You do, you look just like Dracula's daughter
in that outfit, you really do.

227
00:18:28,767 --> 00:18:30,803
Oh, leave me alone. Just piss off, will you?

228
00:18:31,003 --> 00:18:32,405
- Piss off!
- Piss off yourself.

229
00:18:32,605 --> 00:18:36,406
This is my flat. Speak to me like that!
You can piss off yourself.

230
00:18:37,647 --> 00:18:39,622
Right.

231
00:18:39,967 --> 00:18:41,206
Right.

232
00:18:41,406 --> 00:18:42,727
I will.

233
00:18:42,927 --> 00:18:44,724
I've got better things to do.

234
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:47,327
Freezing my tits off in this dump.

235
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:51,087
- You can stick it up your gonger.
- Eight weeks' rent.

236
00:18:51,287 --> 00:18:53,847
No, no, you said piss off, and piss off I shall.

237
00:18:54,047 --> 00:18:55,087
Eight weeks' rent.

238
00:18:55,287 --> 00:18:59,678
Here. You reckon you're so bloody juicy.
Get on your back and earn it yourself.

239
00:18:59,878 --> 00:19:01,316
Cow!

240
00:19:14,007 --> 00:19:15,918
Hello? No, she's not here.

241
00:19:17,487 --> 00:19:21,036
No. No, she's gone to a health farm.

242
00:19:22,567 --> 00:19:24,364
Oh, yes, we are.

243
00:19:25,687 --> 00:19:28,281
If you ring tomorrow, there'll be a new girl on.

244
00:20:18,567 --> 00:20:20,319
Sentimental music on radio

245
00:21:22,727 --> 00:21:24,285
Dracula's daughter.

246
00:23:28,167 --> 00:23:29,759
Can I come in, babe?

247
00:23:29,959 --> 00:23:32,321
Gawd, Sydney, do I need it?

248
00:23:36,047 --> 00:23:39,835
What do you want, Sydney?
It's the middle of the night. What do you want?

249
00:23:40,035 --> 00:23:43,357
- Oh, babe. I've been thinking, babe.
- I'm not a babe, Sydney.

250
00:23:43,557 --> 00:23:46,843
I'm not your babe
or anybody else's baby, all right?

251
00:23:47,043 --> 00:23:48,559
I know you're not, babe.

252
00:23:48,759 --> 00:23:50,287
What do you want?

253
00:23:50,487 --> 00:23:53,285
I've come to ask you to marry me.

254
00:23:53,485 --> 00:23:55,167
Oh, dear.

255
00:23:55,367 --> 00:23:58,439
No, I know it's not a very good idea.
I know it's not.

256
00:24:02,367 --> 00:24:04,437
But if you think about it, it is.

257
00:24:08,567 --> 00:24:10,407
You need somebody,

258
00:24:10,607 --> 00:24:13,167
somebody to look after you.

259
00:24:13,367 --> 00:24:15,119
I've got loads of money.

260
00:24:15,319 --> 00:24:16,885
You know, loads.

261
00:24:17,687 --> 00:24:19,325
And no-one to share it with.

262
00:24:20,367 --> 00:24:22,358
I could look after you.

263
00:24:25,887 --> 00:24:28,082
Say yes, and I'll open a bottle right now.

264
00:24:28,282 --> 00:24:29,606
Pop, just like that.

265
00:24:29,806 --> 00:24:31,598
Bottle of bubbly.

266
00:24:39,247 --> 00:24:41,238
I bought you some flowers.

267
00:24:49,767 --> 00:24:51,758
Think about it, babe.

268
00:25:02,367 --> 00:25:05,245
When you wake in the morning
and see these flowers,

269
00:25:06,367 --> 00:25:07,959
think about it.

270
00:25:17,247 --> 00:25:20,239
There's a bottle of bubbly waiting. There.

271
00:26:02,807 --> 00:26:05,367
- One on the way, dear.
- One on the way!

272
00:26:05,567 --> 00:26:08,957
Ha, ha! I hope not. Dolly, I can't stop piddling.
Where's the gin?

273
00:26:09,157 --> 00:26:11,847
- You don't have to do it.
- What's sex ever done for me?

274
00:26:12,047 --> 00:26:13,924
- Up the duff at 16.
- That's no reason.

275
00:26:14,124 --> 00:26:16,276
If you don't want to do it, don't.

276
00:26:16,476 --> 00:26:19,558
Pull yourself together, do. Go on, get in there.

277
00:26:19,758 --> 00:26:21,107
Go on.

278
00:26:22,647 --> 00:26:24,127
Dolly, I need another widdle.

279
00:26:24,327 --> 00:26:26,636
- How much do I charge?
- Leave that to me.

280
00:26:39,327 --> 00:26:40,366
Ready, dear?

281
00:26:40,566 --> 00:26:41,847
Oh!

282
00:26:42,047 --> 00:26:43,636
I'm ready.

283
00:26:43,967 --> 00:26:47,164
- You don't look it.
- I'm ready.

284
00:26:53,047 --> 00:26:54,636
Oh!

285
00:26:55,607 --> 00:26:57,647
Oh, it's you.

286
00:26:57,847 --> 00:26:59,447
Fancy meeting you here.

287
00:26:59,647 --> 00:27:02,320
- We know each other.
- Come in, come in.

288
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:03,687
Thank you.

289
00:27:03,887 --> 00:27:07,357
It's all right, Dolly. Shut your mouth.
Go on. It's all right.

290
00:27:10,127 --> 00:27:12,567
Well, fancy meeting you here.

291
00:27:12,767 --> 00:27:14,997
Caught up with you at last, eh?

292
00:27:19,807 --> 00:27:21,246
Would you like a cup of tea?

293
00:27:21,446 --> 00:27:23,363
- Pardon?
- Would you like a cup of tea?

294
00:27:23,563 --> 00:27:26,285
- Have two. No extra charge.
- I've only got a short time.

295
00:27:26,485 --> 00:27:28,841
- Oh.
- Business.

296
00:27:34,767 --> 00:27:36,359
What line of business are you in?

297
00:27:36,559 --> 00:27:39,638
- Double glazing.
- Double glazing? Well, I never.

298
00:27:39,838 --> 00:27:41,276
Yes.

299
00:27:46,287 --> 00:27:48,960
What a lot of job satisfaction there must be...

300
00:27:50,007 --> 00:27:50,807
in...

301
00:27:51,007 --> 00:27:52,599
double glazing.

302
00:27:53,607 --> 00:27:56,976
Bringing all that extra warmth
into people's lives.

303
00:27:57,176 --> 00:27:59,877
You've not had sex for 23 years, have you?

304
00:28:00,527 --> 00:28:01,447
Pardon?

305
00:28:01,647 --> 00:28:03,683
- You told me.
- No, with my wife.

306
00:28:03,883 --> 00:28:07,436
I've not had sex with my wife for 23 years.

307
00:28:07,887 --> 00:28:09,167
Oh.

308
00:28:09,367 --> 00:28:10,727
She's an invalid.

309
00:28:10,927 --> 00:28:15,796
I'm sorry. 23 years.
That must get very frustrating for you.

310
00:28:18,087 --> 00:28:20,920
Your maid said you give excellent French?

311
00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:23,720
Oh, yes, very good. Every time.

312
00:28:28,767 --> 00:28:30,837
Just exactly how do you like your French?

313
00:28:31,037 --> 00:28:34,482
Well, I'd like you to wear
bright red lipstick, if you can.

314
00:28:34,682 --> 00:28:37,280
- Really?
- I'm willing to pay extra for that.

315
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:39,367
Right. Ah, oh, no.

316
00:28:39,567 --> 00:28:41,603
Er, just a minute.

317
00:28:42,667 --> 00:28:43,527
Dolly.

318
00:28:43,727 --> 00:28:45,445
Dolly, we've got no doodahs.

319
00:28:45,645 --> 00:28:48,001
No, you know, contraventives.

320
00:28:48,201 --> 00:28:51,087
- Contraventives?
- Yes, you know...

321
00:28:51,287 --> 00:28:53,164
- Doodahs.
- Oh, French letters.

322
00:28:53,364 --> 00:28:56,404
That's it. Plonkers.
We've got no plonkers, Dolly.

323
00:29:04,247 --> 00:29:06,807
I look a right bloody tart in this.

324
00:29:07,687 --> 00:29:09,678
Here you are. Get a move on.

325
00:29:11,487 --> 00:29:14,365
- These are black. Dolly, these are black.
- I know.

326
00:29:14,565 --> 00:29:15,847
They're for black men.

327
00:29:16,047 --> 00:29:18,800
- No, Chinamen use them all the time.
- Do they?

328
00:29:19,967 --> 00:29:21,487
Bloody Ada!

329
00:29:21,687 --> 00:29:25,839
He's a lovely man.
Brings happiness to millions with double glazing.

330
00:29:26,039 --> 00:29:28,959
He's not had sex for 23 years.

331
00:29:31,887 --> 00:29:33,878
Right.

332
00:29:36,647 --> 00:29:39,366
- Do you think this looks nice?
- Oh, yes.

333
00:29:40,767 --> 00:29:43,361
I prefer it in a chair, if you don't mind.

334
00:29:45,847 --> 00:29:47,599
In a chair?

335
00:29:47,799 --> 00:29:49,147
Yes.

336
00:29:53,887 --> 00:29:56,606
I've never done it in a chair.

337
00:30:08,167 --> 00:30:12,604
- Now, where would you like me, exactly?
- Well...

338
00:30:12,804 --> 00:30:16,560
with me myself sitting, and you kneeling.

339
00:30:19,487 --> 00:30:20,926
You want me to sit?

340
00:30:21,126 --> 00:30:22,599
No, I'm sitting.

341
00:30:22,799 --> 00:30:25,081
- Where am I?
- Kneeling.

342
00:30:26,367 --> 00:30:29,837
- Kneeling?
- Yes, I'm sitting and you're kneeling.

343
00:30:30,037 --> 00:30:31,387
On the floor.

344
00:30:33,007 --> 00:30:36,204
- On the floor?
- I find that's the best way.

345
00:30:38,887 --> 00:30:41,407
- I see. You'll have to wear one of these.
- What, for French?

346
00:30:41,607 --> 00:30:43,165
Do you think I want to get pregnant?

347
00:30:43,365 --> 00:30:45,880
- How can you get pregnant?
- Very easily indeed.

348
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:49,317
- That's not what I want.
- I should think not. What do you want?

349
00:30:50,927 --> 00:30:52,918
A blow job.

350
00:30:53,447 --> 00:30:55,036
Please.

351
00:30:55,967 --> 00:30:57,958
Deep throat.

352
00:30:58,447 --> 00:31:00,438
If possible.

353
00:31:02,487 --> 00:31:04,478
Oh.

354
00:31:06,287 --> 00:31:08,676
That's why I wanted the lipstick.

355
00:31:10,167 --> 00:31:13,523
Well, you'll still have to wear one of these.

356
00:31:15,767 --> 00:31:17,758
Very well.

357
00:31:28,127 --> 00:31:30,118
Do you see what I'm wearing?

358
00:31:32,847 --> 00:31:34,838
You like that, don't you?

359
00:31:37,247 --> 00:31:39,886
- Yes, I do.
- Do you like my legs?

360
00:31:41,247 --> 00:31:42,247
Yes.

361
00:31:42,447 --> 00:31:44,597
- Do you?
- Yes, I do.

362
00:31:45,687 --> 00:31:47,678
Come here. Come a bit closer.

363
00:31:54,407 --> 00:31:58,161
Now, I want you to kneel, there's a good boy,

364
00:32:01,367 --> 00:32:05,918
but not to touch my lovely legs.

365
00:32:07,727 --> 00:32:10,605
- They're lovely.
- Yes.

366
00:32:10,805 --> 00:32:12,447
Very smooth.

367
00:32:12,647 --> 00:32:15,798
- Just here, above the stocking.
- Yes.

368
00:32:15,998 --> 00:32:17,439
Very smooth.

369
00:32:18,447 --> 00:32:20,802
There, look. Get closer.

370
00:32:21,567 --> 00:32:23,717
But not to touch.

371
00:32:26,167 --> 00:32:31,719
Now, I'm going to give you
something very special.

372
00:32:33,687 --> 00:32:35,678
Very special indeed.

373
00:32:37,327 --> 00:32:42,003
It's called a Popozogolou.

374
00:32:42,967 --> 00:32:45,242
- Thank you, dear.
- Thank you.

375
00:32:45,687 --> 00:32:47,678
Oh.

376
00:32:49,007 --> 00:32:50,567
She's nice.

377
00:32:50,767 --> 00:32:52,837
- She's very nice indeed.
- Good.

378
00:33:04,967 --> 00:33:07,967
- One here, another on the way, dear.
- Bloody Ada! Hang on.

379
00:33:08,167 --> 00:33:10,761
- Stinks like a bleeding brothel in here.
- You all right?

380
00:33:10,961 --> 00:33:13,765
Like a concert pianist.
We're going to need lots of tissues.

381
00:33:13,965 --> 00:33:15,246
She's not quite ready, dear.

382
00:33:15,446 --> 00:33:19,445
I'm ready. Come in. Sit down. Lie down.
Make yourself comfortable. Thank you, Dolly.

383
00:33:22,287 --> 00:33:25,120
- You're busy.
- Never a dull moment.

384
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,727
- What's on offer?
- Well...

385
00:33:27,927 --> 00:33:29,527
I have been doing French,

386
00:33:29,727 --> 00:33:32,767
but there's a special on today - a Popozogolou.

387
00:33:32,967 --> 00:33:36,084
Very tasty. I'm sure you won't be disappointed.

388
00:33:36,807 --> 00:33:38,007
How much?

389
00:33:38,207 --> 00:33:41,279
Oh, Dolly deals with that.
Dolly deals with the lolly!

390
00:33:44,447 --> 00:33:45,607
Who's Dolly?

391
00:33:45,807 --> 00:33:47,638
Her outside. She's my maid.

392
00:33:47,838 --> 00:33:50,918
Your maid? I see.
And she deals with the money?

393
00:33:51,118 --> 00:33:52,556
That's right.

394
00:33:56,767 --> 00:34:00,237
- Get back to you on this one, all right?
- Oh, yes.

395
00:34:02,487 --> 00:34:04,000
Everything all right, dear?

396
00:34:05,007 --> 00:34:07,760
- I discuss the price with you, right?
- If you want, yes.

397
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:09,687
Good.

398
00:34:09,887 --> 00:34:11,387
See you later.

399
00:34:15,807 --> 00:34:18,162
- Funny man.
- Gangster.

400
00:34:18,362 --> 00:34:19,707
Sexy bugger.

401
00:34:32,127 --> 00:34:34,247
- Da-da!
- Shirley!

402
00:34:34,447 --> 00:34:36,517
- Christine.
- Dolly, look who's here.

403
00:34:36,717 --> 00:34:38,847
- I can see.
- Dolly.

404
00:34:39,047 --> 00:34:42,562
- Another couple of weeks, we'll have one.
- Listen to her. What's she doing?

405
00:34:42,762 --> 00:34:45,360
French polishing.
Put yourself in the hands of an expert.

406
00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:46,647
Her doing French?

407
00:34:46,847 --> 00:34:50,601
I don't even know what it means. I don't.
I just copied it off another notice.

408
00:34:50,801 --> 00:34:53,161
Christine, French polishing!

409
00:34:53,927 --> 00:34:56,927
What? Is that what it is? French polishing?
Oh, bloody Ada!

410
00:34:57,127 --> 00:35:00,483
- I'd better change that notice quick.
- Er, excuse me, ladies.

411
00:35:00,683 --> 00:35:02,836
Morton, ex-Wing Commander, retired.

412
00:35:03,036 --> 00:35:05,242
- Oh, yes. You rang.
- That is correct.

413
00:35:06,287 --> 00:35:11,207
I have a dilapidated piece of mahogany veneer
in dire need of renovation.

414
00:35:11,407 --> 00:35:13,327
- Can you help?
- What? Yes, come on.

415
00:35:13,527 --> 00:35:15,563
- Soon polish it up for you.
- Oh, jolly good.

416
00:35:15,763 --> 00:35:18,644
Step this way.
Have it looking like new in no time.

417
00:35:21,567 --> 00:35:24,767
Wing Commander! Don't believe a word of it.

418
00:35:24,967 --> 00:35:29,367
207 missions over occupied territory, madam,
in bra and panties.

419
00:35:29,567 --> 00:35:31,080
- Shut up!
- Yes, madam.

420
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:33,197
- Filthy mind.
- Yes, madam.

421
00:35:33,397 --> 00:35:35,567
- Quite a shine on that.
- Indeed.

422
00:35:35,767 --> 00:35:38,087
It's coming along nicely, Auntie Christine.

423
00:35:38,287 --> 00:35:41,677
- Would you like a go?
- Oh, no, no. You're doing very nicely.

424
00:35:41,877 --> 00:35:43,206
Why not do it together?

425
00:35:43,406 --> 00:35:47,325
- You dirty old sod.
- Yes, madam, I'm certainly that, madam.

426
00:35:48,127 --> 00:35:50,277
Oh! Police, love.

427
00:35:50,477 --> 00:35:52,318
You're nicked.

428
00:35:52,927 --> 00:35:55,725
Pass me a tissue, Wing Commander,
there's a dear.

429
00:36:16,727 --> 00:36:19,407
They've dropped the brothel
and immoral earnings charges.

430
00:36:19,607 --> 00:36:21,802
- Insufficient evidence.
- That lets Dolly off.

431
00:36:22,002 --> 00:36:24,156
That only leaves the charge for soliciting.

432
00:36:24,356 --> 00:36:26,287
You'll be in and out in two minutes.

433
00:36:26,487 --> 00:36:29,647
- How? How was I soliciting?
- A doddle. Just plead guilty.

434
00:36:29,847 --> 00:36:32,207
I was on the pavement,
looking at your Arab's car.

435
00:36:32,407 --> 00:36:34,727
- I was not soliciting.
- Par for the course, dear.

436
00:36:34,927 --> 00:36:38,966
Look at all these men. I know all their secrets.
That's why they want to lock us up.

437
00:36:39,166 --> 00:36:42,767
- Don't get deep, Dolly.
- Will it be in the Harlow New Town Gazette?

438
00:36:42,967 --> 00:36:45,640
I can see my dad's face.
My sister's wedding, Saturday.

439
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:47,086
He's a nasty little shit.

440
00:36:47,286 --> 00:36:49,078
Needs a good whipping.

441
00:36:52,127 --> 00:36:54,767
What are you looking at?
You looking at my tits?

442
00:36:54,967 --> 00:36:57,800
He's looking at my tits.
Arrest him for looking at my tits.

443
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:00,759
Too young to be a policeman. Still a virgin.

444
00:37:00,959 --> 00:37:03,082
Bet you could change all that.

445
00:37:03,282 --> 00:37:06,244
Painter, please.
Painter. Painter!

446
00:37:10,727 --> 00:37:12,327
- Drive a car?
- Yeah.

447
00:37:12,527 --> 00:37:15,087
- Drive a big car, do you?
- Yeah.

448
00:37:15,287 --> 00:37:16,967
Thought so.

449
00:37:17,167 --> 00:37:20,603
- We're on.
- Right. Guilty.

450
00:37:22,007 --> 00:37:23,998
Guilty. All my fault.

451
00:37:26,567 --> 00:37:28,407
What do you reckon?

452
00:37:28,607 --> 00:37:30,677
She'll need a holiday after this lot.

453
00:37:32,767 --> 00:37:34,607
She's very good.

454
00:37:34,807 --> 00:37:36,798
I never said she wasn't.

455
00:37:40,367 --> 00:37:42,961
- What news, ladies?
- What are you doing here?

456
00:37:43,161 --> 00:37:46,167
Interested party. Character witness.
Has she gone in yet?

457
00:37:46,367 --> 00:37:48,756
- Just put your bum down there.
- Thank you.

458
00:37:49,767 --> 00:37:51,325
- Hello, Shirl.
- Hello, love.

459
00:37:58,047 --> 00:38:00,242
She's good, you know. She's got talent.

460
00:38:00,442 --> 00:38:02,327
- That is correct.
- How do you know?

461
00:38:02,527 --> 00:38:04,279
I'm an expert in these matters.

462
00:38:05,527 --> 00:38:07,404
We should go in together, the three of us.

463
00:38:07,604 --> 00:38:10,166
Take that big flat of hers,
the one with the pink bedroom.

464
00:38:10,366 --> 00:38:14,758
- Cater for kinks?
- Popozogolous and gymslips. 50 quid a throw.

465
00:38:15,607 --> 00:38:17,287
Strictly kinky people.

466
00:38:17,487 --> 00:38:19,876
The future lies in kinky people.

467
00:38:20,927 --> 00:38:22,527
Guilty!

468
00:38:22,727 --> 00:38:24,558
Ah, madam...

469
00:38:24,758 --> 00:38:26,325
Guilty!

470
00:38:27,527 --> 00:38:29,518
Come on.

471
00:38:30,887 --> 00:38:34,277
Know his problem?
I can read him, no trouble. Can't get it up.

472
00:38:41,927 --> 00:38:43,918
God knows why I'm sitting in the front.

473
00:38:44,118 --> 00:38:46,640
- Royalty in the back, dear.
- Pull over, Sydney.

474
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:48,567
- Over there.
- What?

475
00:38:48,767 --> 00:38:51,998
"What?" You'll be saying balls
to the general next. Over there!

476
00:38:56,967 --> 00:38:58,767
Come on, David. In.

477
00:38:58,967 --> 00:39:04,121
- Why do I have to wear my school uniform?
- You'll wear your uniform. Put your cap on. In.

478
00:39:23,967 --> 00:39:25,764
It's all crooked.

479
00:39:26,607 --> 00:39:29,838
There we are. That's better. Give us a smile.

480
00:39:30,038 --> 00:39:30,927
Pull up.

481
00:39:31,127 --> 00:39:33,687
- Where?
- In front of the church, for goodness' sake!

482
00:39:33,887 --> 00:39:36,007
- I can't park there.
- Yes, you can. Pull up.

483
00:39:36,207 --> 00:39:38,727
- You need a chauffeur, that's what you need.
- Be quiet.

484
00:39:38,927 --> 00:39:41,441
- And a butler.
- You and your little willy, keep quiet.

485
00:39:41,641 --> 00:39:43,364
- What?
- Balls to the general. Shut up.

486
00:39:43,564 --> 00:39:46,843
- I haven't got a little willy.
- It's your most striking feature.

487
00:39:47,487 --> 00:39:50,524
Fine conversation to be having
in front of your son.

488
00:39:59,567 --> 00:40:03,447
- Hello. Hello, Auntie Winnie.
- Hello, darling.

489
00:40:03,647 --> 00:40:05,638
Come on, get a bloody move on.

490
00:40:05,838 --> 00:40:07,087
Cap.

491
00:40:07,287 --> 00:40:09,721
I can see your knickers, Dolly.

492
00:40:12,407 --> 00:40:14,287
Hello, Dad.

493
00:40:14,487 --> 00:40:17,126
Hello, Lizzie. We're here!

494
00:40:17,607 --> 00:40:19,916
- I thought it must be you.
- Hello.

495
00:40:20,116 --> 00:40:22,847
Oh, you look lovely, Lizzie, you really do.

496
00:40:23,047 --> 00:40:25,007
I wish it was me. Mum should be here.

497
00:40:25,207 --> 00:40:28,722
I wish Mum was here to see you now.
I'm going to watch you get out.

498
00:40:28,922 --> 00:40:31,967
She looks lovely. She really does.
It's the veil that does it.

499
00:40:32,167 --> 00:40:33,566
Look at my dad. That's my dad.

500
00:40:33,766 --> 00:40:35,319
- I need a leak, babe.
- Disgusting.

501
00:40:39,407 --> 00:40:40,527
Gotcha!

502
00:40:40,727 --> 00:40:44,083
- Give us a kiss, come on. Cheer up.
- Don't cover me in lipstick.

503
00:40:44,283 --> 00:40:47,756
- Why don't you go into church?
- I wish Mum could see this.

504
00:40:48,527 --> 00:40:51,847
- You look so smart.
- Oh, don't go on. She's been dead 19 years.

505
00:40:52,047 --> 00:40:55,447
It's still a pity she missed it.
David, come and say hello to your grandad.

506
00:40:55,647 --> 00:40:57,797
- This is your sister's day.
- I wish it was me.

507
00:40:57,997 --> 00:41:00,486
- I don't want it spoilt for her.
- Never mind, Dad.

508
00:41:00,686 --> 00:41:04,406
Three pairs of knickers and that smile -
nothing will get through to Lizzie.

509
00:41:05,407 --> 00:41:07,045
Good luck.

510
00:41:09,527 --> 00:41:11,527
Organ plays

511
00:41:11,727 --> 00:41:14,366
- Put it on.
- We're in church.

512
00:41:16,567 --> 00:41:18,762
Take it off, then. Take it off.

513
00:41:31,287 --> 00:41:33,087
It's the Old Bill.

514
00:41:33,287 --> 00:41:36,484
That's Edgar.
My sister's marrying a copper - silly cow.

515
00:41:36,684 --> 00:41:38,518
Takes all sorts.

516
00:42:16,287 --> 00:42:18,755
- What are you doing here?
- What do you mean?

517
00:42:18,955 --> 00:42:20,647
- Aren't you Jewish?
- What?

518
00:42:20,847 --> 00:42:24,556
Because, if you are, you're not supposed
to be in here. It's a church.

519
00:42:24,756 --> 00:42:27,485
I know it's a church. And I'm not Jewish.

520
00:42:28,287 --> 00:42:30,007
Before we begin,

521
00:42:30,207 --> 00:42:31,879
a word about photographs.

522
00:42:32,079 --> 00:42:34,847
As a mark of respect to Edgar and Elizabeth,

523
00:42:35,047 --> 00:42:39,006
I would ask the congregation
to refrain from taking photographs

524
00:42:39,206 --> 00:42:42,164
until the signing of the register.

525
00:42:44,727 --> 00:42:47,605
We have come together
in the presence of God...

526
00:42:48,607 --> 00:42:53,727
to witness the marriage
of Edgar and Elizabeth...

527
00:42:55,007 --> 00:42:57,646
to ask his blessing on them...

528
00:42:58,047 --> 00:43:00,766
and to share in their joy.

529
00:43:18,727 --> 00:43:20,237
Lovely.

530
00:43:23,127 --> 00:43:27,120
Lovely. Lovely, Lizzie.

531
00:43:27,807 --> 00:43:30,401
No confetti, please. No confetti.

532
00:43:35,527 --> 00:43:38,121
- He's a widower, so watch your step.
- Oh, really?

533
00:43:38,321 --> 00:43:40,442
Never married. Well, not since Mum died.

534
00:43:40,642 --> 00:43:42,478
- Confirmed bachelor.
- 19 years.

535
00:43:42,678 --> 00:43:44,722
- What a waste.
- Thank you.

536
00:43:46,607 --> 00:43:49,527
Your friend has excellent taste, Christine.

537
00:43:49,727 --> 00:43:51,718
David's over there somewhere, Dad.

538
00:43:58,607 --> 00:44:01,075
- Congratulations. I like your dress.
- Thank you.

539
00:44:01,275 --> 00:44:04,647
Straight out of Woman's Realm. And Edgar.
Edgar, this is Dolores.

540
00:44:04,847 --> 00:44:07,315
- How do you do?
- I hope you'll be very happy.

541
00:44:07,515 --> 00:44:09,687
- Thank you, Dolores.
- Thank you very much.

542
00:44:09,887 --> 00:44:11,957
- You don't know my mother?
- No, I don't.

543
00:44:12,967 --> 00:44:14,807
- This is my mum.
- Oh!

544
00:44:15,007 --> 00:44:16,998
I didn't think she'd still be alive.

545
00:44:18,007 --> 00:44:21,397
- Well I never. This is Edgar's mother, Dolly.
- Hello, dear.

546
00:44:21,597 --> 00:44:23,165
Come on, Dolly.

547
00:44:24,287 --> 00:44:27,040
Let's circulate. Find ourselves a husband.

548
00:44:29,807 --> 00:44:33,516
Oh, God, that's better.
Running buffet? It's more like a stampede.

549
00:44:33,716 --> 00:44:38,516
She's a mean cow, my sister.
Tuppence says there's marg in the bridge rolls.

550
00:44:38,716 --> 00:44:41,087
Oh, God. She's got it all organised.

551
00:44:41,287 --> 00:44:44,802
And Edgar! Have you ever seen anything
more boring than Edgar?

552
00:44:45,002 --> 00:44:47,281
What a fart, eh?

553
00:44:48,327 --> 00:44:50,318
There's no loo roll in here. Can...

554
00:44:55,087 --> 00:44:55,927
Dolly!

555
00:44:56,127 --> 00:44:58,647
Dolly. Oh, Dolly, you've...

556
00:44:58,847 --> 00:45:00,758
You... you've got a willy... Dolly!

557
00:45:00,958 --> 00:45:02,798
- You're a man, Dolly.
- No, I'm not.

558
00:45:02,998 --> 00:45:04,567
And there's no paper in here either.

559
00:45:04,767 --> 00:45:06,598
- But you've got a willy.
- I know I have.

560
00:45:06,798 --> 00:45:09,286
Let me have a look. Show me.
Let me have another look.

561
00:45:09,486 --> 00:45:12,239
Oh, all right.
It's nothing to be proud of, you know.

562
00:45:12,439 --> 00:45:14,642
There it is.

563
00:45:29,007 --> 00:45:30,998
Oh, dear.

564
00:45:39,527 --> 00:45:41,916
It's not a laughing matter.

565
00:45:58,407 --> 00:46:00,047
- How could you?
- What?

566
00:46:00,247 --> 00:46:02,887
Don't play dumb with me.
You know exactly what I mean.

567
00:46:03,087 --> 00:46:05,555
- What's the matter, Dad?
- How could you do this to me?

568
00:46:05,755 --> 00:46:08,804
- How could you bring a sexual pervert
to your sister's wedding?

569
00:46:09,847 --> 00:46:11,678
- Who?
- Who? Who do you think?

570
00:46:12,687 --> 00:46:14,527
Dolly's not a pervert, are you, Dolly?

571
00:46:14,727 --> 00:46:17,567
You think it's normal,
a man prancing round in a woman's skirt?

572
00:46:17,767 --> 00:46:19,803
- I didn't know she was a man.
- I'm not a man.

573
00:46:20,003 --> 00:46:22,122
Just leave, the pair of you. I can handle this.

574
00:46:22,322 --> 00:46:25,487
- Oh, poor little Lizzie.
- I knew you'd cause trouble!

575
00:46:25,687 --> 00:46:28,407
You're disgusting! I hope I never see you again!

576
00:46:28,607 --> 00:46:31,527
- Oh, thank you, Elizabeth.
- You've spoilt everything.

577
00:46:31,727 --> 00:46:34,087
- Don't upset yourself.
- Ever since I was born!

578
00:46:34,287 --> 00:46:35,887
- Can you hear this?
- I hate you!

579
00:46:36,087 --> 00:46:38,157
It's us that needs protecting...
from her mouth.

580
00:46:38,357 --> 00:46:39,407
That's enough.

581
00:46:39,607 --> 00:46:42,127
Just stand clear when she opens her gob.

582
00:46:42,327 --> 00:46:44,238
- Right. Just one moment.
- Steady, Edgar.

583
00:46:44,438 --> 00:46:47,247
I was against this from the start.
Now I know I was right.

584
00:46:47,447 --> 00:46:49,287
- This is my brother-in-law.
- Christine...

585
00:46:49,487 --> 00:46:52,684
If I was on duty and in uniform,
I'd take a very serious view of this.

586
00:46:52,884 --> 00:46:54,487
But you are in uniform.

587
00:46:54,687 --> 00:46:56,527
It's no use, Edgar,
she's always been like this.

588
00:46:56,727 --> 00:46:58,487
- Charges can be brought.
- Oh, dear.

589
00:46:58,687 --> 00:47:01,155
- Dolly, don't be a silly cow.
- Where are you going?

590
00:47:01,355 --> 00:47:03,807
The toilet. I need a wee.

591
00:47:04,007 --> 00:47:06,346
Stay out of the ladies lavatory...
and the gents.

592
00:47:06,546 --> 00:47:08,047
You piddle where you want.

593
00:47:08,247 --> 00:47:10,078
Is there a handicapped toilet?

594
00:47:10,278 --> 00:47:12,561
You stay out of all toilets.

595
00:47:12,761 --> 00:47:14,087
Stupid fart!

596
00:47:14,287 --> 00:47:16,801
This is a very silly conversation.

597
00:47:17,001 --> 00:47:19,964
And you are a very naughty boy.

598
00:47:20,687 --> 00:47:24,202
And you know what happens to naughty boys,
now, don't you?

599
00:47:25,087 --> 00:47:27,282
Come along, Dolly. You too, Christine.

600
00:47:31,647 --> 00:47:33,147
David!

601
00:47:37,327 --> 00:47:39,167
What's all the rush, doll?

602
00:47:39,367 --> 00:47:41,835
I was just beginning to enjoy myself.

603
00:47:42,035 --> 00:47:43,878
What's going on?

604
00:47:46,167 --> 00:47:48,007
Excuse me, is this your car?

605
00:47:48,207 --> 00:47:51,722
It's not bloody stole, if that's what you mean.
Cheeky bugger.

606
00:48:18,007 --> 00:48:19,507
Dad.

607
00:48:20,447 --> 00:48:24,360
Dad. Come here, Dad.

608
00:48:26,527 --> 00:48:28,722
I'm sorry, Dad, I really am.

609
00:48:31,487 --> 00:48:34,399
When I came here today I was happy.

610
00:48:35,647 --> 00:48:37,487
I really was.

611
00:48:37,687 --> 00:48:40,520
Come on. Don't be like this, Dad.

612
00:48:41,527 --> 00:48:43,518
Don't upset yourself.

613
00:48:44,527 --> 00:48:46,518
It's your day today too, you know.

614
00:48:48,127 --> 00:48:50,118
I'd do anything to make you happy.

615
00:48:52,047 --> 00:48:54,038
I'm so sorry.

616
00:48:55,767 --> 00:48:57,607
Come on.

617
00:48:57,807 --> 00:48:59,365
I'm sorry.

618
00:49:00,367 --> 00:49:02,358
Kiss me a kiss and say you love me.

619
00:49:03,367 --> 00:49:05,487
You spoilt it for her. How could you do it?

620
00:49:05,687 --> 00:49:08,076
- She spoilt it for herself.
- What do you mean?

621
00:49:08,276 --> 00:49:10,127
Look who she married.

622
00:49:10,327 --> 00:49:13,927
- There you go again.
- Oh, come on, Dad.

623
00:49:14,127 --> 00:49:16,766
He's a box of farts and well you know it.

624
00:49:16,966 --> 00:49:19,162
- You can't say that.
- I just have.

625
00:49:19,362 --> 00:49:21,198
It's a respectable marriage.

626
00:49:21,398 --> 00:49:25,479
He's a... he's a police superintendent
and a Freemason.

627
00:49:25,679 --> 00:49:29,007
He's a bumhole, Dad. A fart in a box.

628
00:49:29,207 --> 00:49:31,437
And he doesn't hang around
with sexual perverts.

629
00:49:31,637 --> 00:49:34,763
- How do you know?
- Listen to your mouth. You should be ashamed.

630
00:49:34,963 --> 00:49:37,275
- Well, I'm not.
- That's what's wrong with you.

631
00:49:37,475 --> 00:49:38,687
Dad.

632
00:49:38,887 --> 00:49:42,675
I'm not a bloody baby any more.
That's what's wrong with Lizzie.

633
00:49:42,875 --> 00:49:45,400
I'm a woman. I've had babies and abortions.

634
00:49:45,687 --> 00:49:47,327
- Abortions?
- Yes.

635
00:49:47,527 --> 00:49:50,127
Why didn't you tell me? Abortions?
Why didn't you tell me?

636
00:49:50,327 --> 00:49:54,002
None of your bloody business. When I said
I was up the duff, you spat in my face.

637
00:49:54,202 --> 00:49:57,039
- That was different.
- How many bastards can one girl take?

638
00:49:57,239 --> 00:49:59,362
How can you talk like that? He's your son.

639
00:49:59,562 --> 00:50:01,927
And you're telling me that, are you?

640
00:50:02,127 --> 00:50:06,087
- You've noticed, have you? You do surprise me.
- What's that supposed to mean?

641
00:50:06,287 --> 00:50:09,677
You know what I mean. You've not so much
as looked at him since we got here.

642
00:50:09,877 --> 00:50:12,407
- No.
- You've not looked at him for 14 years.

643
00:50:12,607 --> 00:50:15,326
- No.
- You've not looked at him, not spoke to him.

644
00:50:15,526 --> 00:50:19,407
Not a hello, not so much as a whisper.
You make me feel like nothing.

645
00:50:19,607 --> 00:50:22,997
- What do you think I've been doing all day?
- He's your grandson.

646
00:50:23,197 --> 00:50:26,357
- This is your sister's wedding.
- He's your only grandson.

647
00:50:26,557 --> 00:50:30,685
- How many pups are that pair going to spawn?
- At least they'll have a father.

648
00:50:33,567 --> 00:50:35,558
God, Dad, you're such a liar.

649
00:50:36,887 --> 00:50:38,727
Look at you.

650
00:50:38,927 --> 00:50:40,918
You're such a bloody liar.

651
00:50:41,927 --> 00:50:44,236
Mum would never have treated me like this.

652
00:50:44,436 --> 00:50:48,767
The news would have killed her...
if she hadn't been dead already.

653
00:50:48,967 --> 00:50:51,242
She'd have slammed the door in your face.

654
00:50:54,807 --> 00:50:56,798
I'm a prostitute.

655
00:50:56,998 --> 00:50:58,687
There.

656
00:50:58,887 --> 00:51:01,003
Spread that round the Freemasons.

657
00:51:01,203 --> 00:51:03,402
Your daughter is a tart.

658
00:51:03,602 --> 00:51:05,287
On the game.

659
00:51:05,487 --> 00:51:09,275
Spread that round the next Lodge meeting.
I'd be glad of the custom.

660
00:51:09,475 --> 00:51:13,206
My friend Shirley, my best friend Shirley,
is a tart.

661
00:51:13,406 --> 00:51:14,767
And so am I.

662
00:51:14,967 --> 00:51:20,087
And Dolly, our best friend Dolly,
is a prostitute's maid.

663
00:51:20,287 --> 00:51:23,006
Always someone else's daughter, eh?

664
00:51:23,206 --> 00:51:26,483
Don't you call my boy a bastard again.

665
00:51:26,683 --> 00:51:29,325
He's my son... and I love him.

666
00:51:31,807 --> 00:51:33,798
You silly bugger!

667
00:54:17,727 --> 00:54:19,558
I can't hear you!

668
00:54:20,567 --> 00:54:22,558
Can you hear me?

669
00:54:22,758 --> 00:54:24,598
Oh, hello!

670
00:54:25,487 --> 00:54:28,285
Yes. Yes!

671
00:54:29,607 --> 00:54:30,806
It's hot.

672
00:54:31,006 --> 00:54:32,798
Yes.

673
00:54:34,007 --> 00:54:36,202
I've got a bit of a rash.

674
00:54:36,402 --> 00:54:38,636
A rash!

675
00:54:41,527 --> 00:54:43,836
There's bodies everywhere. Disgusting.

676
00:54:45,327 --> 00:54:47,167
Hello?

677
00:54:47,367 --> 00:54:49,358
Oh, pillocks.

678
00:54:49,558 --> 00:54:51,204
Shirley?

679
00:54:51,404 --> 00:54:53,044
Dolly?

680
00:54:54,807 --> 00:54:56,445
Oh, sod it.

681
00:54:57,407 --> 00:54:59,398
Out.

682
00:55:00,527 --> 00:55:02,483
Out.

683
00:55:06,127 --> 00:55:08,118
Come out!

684
00:55:19,607 --> 00:55:21,598
What have we here?

685
00:55:33,567 --> 00:55:37,242
- Can you keep it down a minute, Mac?
- Sorry.

686
00:55:41,287 --> 00:55:44,802
Now... what have we here, Auntie Christine?

687
00:55:46,447 --> 00:55:49,564
- I've been a naughty boy.
- What? Speak up!

688
00:55:51,287 --> 00:55:53,926
- I've been a naughty boy, Nana.
- Ha!

689
00:55:54,807 --> 00:55:57,037
Another naughty boy, eh?

690
00:55:57,237 --> 00:56:01,717
The world is full of naughty schoolboys.

691
00:56:02,727 --> 00:56:05,407
What's the naughty boy done?

692
00:56:05,607 --> 00:56:07,598
I was late for school.

693
00:56:07,798 --> 00:56:09,487
What?

694
00:56:09,687 --> 00:56:14,841
Did you hear that, Auntie Christine?
Late for school.

695
00:56:16,847 --> 00:56:19,315
This is very serious, Auntie Christine.

696
00:56:20,807 --> 00:56:22,798
I'm sorry, Nana.

697
00:56:23,847 --> 00:56:27,123
What does Nana do to little boys...

698
00:56:28,807 --> 00:56:31,082
who are late for school?

699
00:56:31,807 --> 00:56:34,799
Tell me... what does she do?

700
00:56:36,327 --> 00:56:38,795
- Gives them a smack, Nana.
- Correct.

701
00:56:39,847 --> 00:56:41,838
Where?

702
00:56:42,727 --> 00:56:44,922
Where does she smack them?

703
00:56:47,967 --> 00:56:50,959
- On their bot-bots.
- On their bot-bots.

704
00:56:51,159 --> 00:56:52,847
Yes.

705
00:56:53,047 --> 00:56:56,403
Every naughty boy gets a smack...

706
00:56:58,727 --> 00:57:00,718
on his bot-bot.

707
00:57:03,047 --> 00:57:04,719
Over.

708
00:57:05,727 --> 00:57:07,718
- Bend over.
- Yes, Nana.

709
00:57:10,487 --> 00:57:12,682
- Right over.
- Yes.

710
00:57:17,487 --> 00:57:19,796
Please don't leave any marks.

711
00:57:19,996 --> 00:57:21,838
Say thank you to Nana.

712
00:57:22,038 --> 00:57:23,878
Thank you, Nanny.

713
00:57:26,927 --> 00:57:28,758
You...

714
00:57:30,887 --> 00:57:32,878
are a disgusting...

715
00:57:34,327 --> 00:57:36,795
little... bugger!

716
00:57:45,767 --> 00:57:47,758
Oh, this is lovely.

717
00:57:49,527 --> 00:57:51,518
All schoolgirls together.

718
00:57:52,127 --> 00:57:54,167
No boys.

719
00:57:54,367 --> 00:57:56,756
Just girls. All together.

720
00:57:58,727 --> 00:58:00,827
Christine, if you ever need legal advice...

721
00:58:01,027 --> 00:58:03,727
Lionel's an excellent barrister,
aren't you, Lionel?

722
00:58:03,967 --> 00:58:05,685
Oh, yes.

723
00:58:06,687 --> 00:58:11,681
Oh, have you seen these dirty books
those teachers have left lying around?

724
00:58:14,727 --> 00:58:16,843
"Sex On Lesbos".

725
00:58:17,043 --> 00:58:18,878
Oh.

726
00:58:20,287 --> 00:58:23,006
It makes me come over all lesbian.

727
00:58:29,687 --> 00:58:31,678
Me too.

728
00:58:40,927 --> 00:58:43,316
She's got nice legs.

729
00:58:46,447 --> 00:58:48,438
So have you.

730
00:58:51,047 --> 00:58:53,436
Hasn't she got nice legs?

731
00:58:56,287 --> 00:58:57,879
Lovely.

732
00:58:58,887 --> 00:59:00,878
I think she must be a lesbian...

733
00:59:02,607 --> 00:59:04,598
just like us.

734
00:59:06,247 --> 00:59:08,556
- You're a lesbian, aren't you?
- Yes.

735
00:59:09,567 --> 00:59:11,558
Yes, I am.

736
00:59:15,287 --> 00:59:17,278
Me too.

737
00:59:20,807 --> 00:59:23,719
What lovely legs she's got.

738
00:59:25,807 --> 00:59:28,958
Oh, I love being a lesbian, don't you?

739
00:59:29,158 --> 00:59:31,316
Yes. Yes, I do.

740
00:59:33,927 --> 00:59:36,282
- Me too.
- Polly Parrot.

741
00:59:36,482 --> 00:59:39,524
- Popozogolou?
- Popozogolou.

742
00:59:41,127 --> 00:59:42,716
Him.

743
00:59:44,927 --> 00:59:48,124
Sad and hopeless. Comes in his cocoa
before he's got the plonker on.

744
00:59:48,324 --> 00:59:50,317
Don't look it.

745
00:59:53,527 --> 00:59:54,567
What about him?

746
00:59:54,767 --> 00:59:56,325
- Which one?
- By the door.

747
00:59:56,525 --> 00:59:59,006
Bent as a box of frogs, dear.

748
01:00:00,047 --> 01:00:03,447
- Looks nice.
- Maybe he is. I don't know.

749
01:00:03,647 --> 01:00:07,967
Most men don't like sex that much.
Can't wait to get it over.

750
01:00:08,167 --> 01:00:12,240
They're only after one thing.
If they didn't want it, we'd be out of a job.

751
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:16,678
I didn't say want, Christine, I said like.
I said they didn't like it.

752
01:00:20,567 --> 01:00:24,446
- What about your Ron?
- Enjoys a good cuddle, just like me.

753
01:00:24,646 --> 01:00:26,955
Oh, my God.

754
01:00:33,087 --> 01:00:35,078
Let me out, let me out.

755
01:00:41,767 --> 01:00:43,758
- Wasp up her bum.
- Ta.

756
01:00:47,767 --> 01:00:51,237
Oh, bumholes.
I left my butter in the fridge at the flat.

757
01:00:51,437 --> 01:00:53,005
I'll get you some.

758
01:00:54,007 --> 01:00:57,522
- Madam's got a fancy man.
- Oh, sit down and shut up.

759
01:00:57,722 --> 01:01:00,687
- Yes, lady.
- What are you having tonight?

760
01:01:00,887 --> 01:01:03,799
Fillet steak, mangetout
and a bottle of Beaujolais.

761
01:01:04,367 --> 01:01:06,278
I've got a date.

762
01:01:09,967 --> 01:01:11,958
I've got a date.

763
01:01:16,927 --> 01:01:18,918
That lot can go to the jumble.

764
01:01:35,087 --> 01:01:37,078
How does she do it?

765
01:01:38,807 --> 01:01:40,798
Shirley.

766
01:01:42,287 --> 01:01:44,278
How can she do the two?

767
01:01:45,327 --> 01:01:47,124
What about Ron? What does he think?

768
01:01:48,487 --> 01:01:50,478
That's their business.

769
01:01:55,287 --> 01:01:58,047
He's so good-looking, Dolly. And charming.

770
01:01:58,247 --> 01:02:01,523
He's got such a gentle look in his eye.
Do you know what I mean?

771
01:02:01,723 --> 01:02:04,365
- Who, Ron?
- No, silly cow.

772
01:02:07,287 --> 01:02:09,323
You know who I mean.

773
01:02:15,807 --> 01:02:17,604
I'm fed up with silly buggers, Dolly.

774
01:02:17,804 --> 01:02:20,487
Had enough of naughty schoolboys.
I'm getting out.

775
01:02:20,687 --> 01:02:23,247
- How will you pay the bills?
- I'll be married.

776
01:02:25,007 --> 01:02:26,998
Oh, dear.

777
01:02:29,687 --> 01:02:31,405
Oh, bugger.

778
01:02:33,567 --> 01:02:35,558
Can always do a bit on the side.

779
01:02:36,567 --> 01:02:38,762
Pound says it's Sydney. I'll marry him.

780
01:02:43,647 --> 01:02:46,087
Hello, doll. This is Pat, my fiancée.

781
01:02:46,287 --> 01:02:49,518
We're engaged to be married.
This is Christine, doll.

782
01:02:49,718 --> 01:02:51,067
Hello.

783
01:03:17,167 --> 01:03:19,158
Bend over.

784
01:03:21,007 --> 01:03:23,123
That's for the Inland bloody Revenue.

785
01:03:27,367 --> 01:03:29,807
- Cheeky sods.
- What's the matter with you today?

786
01:03:30,007 --> 01:03:33,207
- Good morning, ladies.
- Look what I got in the post this morning.

787
01:03:33,407 --> 01:03:35,167
- The floodgates are open.
- What is it?

788
01:03:35,367 --> 01:03:37,562
Inland bloody Revenue from when I got nicked.

789
01:03:37,762 --> 01:03:40,405
Box No. 192.
A plethora of kinky correspondence.

790
01:03:41,327 --> 01:03:44,603
Cheeky sods. They've assessed my earnings
and sent me a bill for tax.

791
01:03:44,803 --> 01:03:47,559
- Morning, Mac.
- You can't leave those there, you know.

792
01:03:48,887 --> 01:03:53,438
Some of us are working in here.
Who's attending to Mr Webb's bot-bot?

793
01:03:57,687 --> 01:04:00,360
This one wants golden rain, Miss Cane.

794
01:04:01,367 --> 01:04:03,927
Does she now, Miss Stern?

795
01:04:04,127 --> 01:04:09,281
- Will you oblige, Miss Cane?
- Let me at him, Miss Stern.

796
01:04:11,967 --> 01:04:14,356
- Excuse me.
- Yes?

797
01:04:16,367 --> 01:04:19,040
- Speak up!
- Excuse me, Superior Mistress,

798
01:04:19,240 --> 01:04:22,921
but how did you know
I worked for the Inland Revenue?

799
01:04:23,927 --> 01:04:25,918
You work for the Inland Revenue?

800
01:04:26,118 --> 01:04:27,605
Yes.

801
01:04:31,167 --> 01:04:33,567
- What's golden rain?
- Piddle.

802
01:04:33,767 --> 01:04:36,486
- What?
- He wants you to piddle on him.

803
01:04:36,686 --> 01:04:39,917
- I can't do that.
- You've agreed to it now.

804
01:04:40,117 --> 01:04:41,467
Come on.

805
01:04:46,647 --> 01:04:50,047
Detective Constables Timms and Gibson.
Flying Squad.

806
01:04:50,247 --> 01:04:52,007
No more vice, just villains.

807
01:04:52,207 --> 01:04:55,257
She's a cleaner, nothing more, nothing less.
OK, Mr Smartarse?

808
01:04:55,607 --> 01:04:58,917
- I'm not interested.
- Christine, they've been shifted.

809
01:04:59,117 --> 01:05:00,764
They're not vice any more.

810
01:05:03,287 --> 01:05:04,367
Cheeky sods.

811
01:05:04,567 --> 01:05:06,444
Put the kettle on, Dolly.

812
01:05:08,247 --> 01:05:09,967
Have you got a toilet?

813
01:05:10,167 --> 01:05:11,998
- I'm busting.
- Yeah, me too.

814
01:05:13,047 --> 01:05:15,163
They've come to use the bloody toilet.

815
01:05:15,363 --> 01:05:17,198
Have they?

816
01:05:18,567 --> 01:05:20,067
This way.

817
01:05:47,847 --> 01:05:50,919
- It's not too tight, is it?
- The one round his neck looks tight.

818
01:05:51,119 --> 01:05:52,467
It's fine.

819
01:05:56,407 --> 01:05:57,907
Hold these.

820
01:06:31,047 --> 01:06:37,247
Now, I wish to be left in the chamber
for exactly one and one half hour.

821
01:06:37,447 --> 01:06:41,804
If I need any assistance,
I'll press the alarm button here

822
01:06:42,004 --> 01:06:44,042
and the light will come on.

823
01:06:44,242 --> 01:06:46,078
Is it working?

824
01:06:47,527 --> 01:06:49,518
DOLLY: Yes.
- Yes.

825
01:06:53,327 --> 01:06:54,919
Can you hear us?

826
01:06:55,647 --> 01:06:57,807
Yes.

827
01:06:58,007 --> 01:06:59,998
One and one half hour.

828
01:07:01,727 --> 01:07:04,321
Shirley, the gag, please.

829
01:07:26,167 --> 01:07:28,007
Right, slave,

830
01:07:28,207 --> 01:07:31,199
now we are closing the doors for ever.

831
01:07:32,207 --> 01:07:35,438
The high priestess will attend without.

832
01:07:40,807 --> 01:07:43,879
That's it. Home. Supper.
Feet up in front of the telly.

833
01:07:45,687 --> 01:07:48,565
He's such a nice man.
I don't understand it, do you?

834
01:07:48,765 --> 01:07:50,287
No, I don't.

835
01:07:50,487 --> 01:07:53,877
I thought he was making a cupboard
for us to hang our coats in.

836
01:07:54,887 --> 01:07:56,327
I did.

837
01:07:56,527 --> 01:07:59,246
- It's a bit scary, isn't it?
- I'll stay, if you like.

838
01:07:59,446 --> 01:08:01,278
- No, you go.
- Good luck.

839
01:08:03,647 --> 01:08:06,684
- What time's your date?
- I've got ages yet.

840
01:08:07,727 --> 01:08:10,195
It's just a date. He's only a fella.

841
01:08:10,395 --> 01:08:12,087
I'm so nervous.

842
01:08:12,287 --> 01:08:13,925
I've got the collywobbles.

843
01:08:14,927 --> 01:08:17,487
- Go out. Enjoy yourself.
- Ta.

844
01:08:17,687 --> 01:08:19,518
- Bye.
- Bye.

845
01:08:21,247 --> 01:08:23,238
Thank you, Dolly.

846
01:11:23,367 --> 01:11:25,327
Oh, my God!

847
01:11:25,527 --> 01:11:29,361
- Please...
- Mr Popozogolou.

848
01:11:40,447 --> 01:11:46,477
If I'd have known, if you'd told me,
you could borrow my clothes any time you want.

849
01:11:46,677 --> 01:11:50,884
You could come round here and dress up.

850
01:11:52,167 --> 01:11:54,158
I'll dress up with you, if you want.

851
01:11:56,407 --> 01:11:59,047
You don't have to come creeping in here,
you know.

852
01:11:59,247 --> 01:12:01,363
You can wear whatever you want in here.

853
01:12:05,087 --> 01:12:07,078
I'm... not a transvestite.

854
01:12:07,447 --> 01:12:10,325
- I'm not a homosexual.
- I don't mind if you are.

855
01:12:12,847 --> 01:12:15,042
- I love my wife.
- That's nice.

856
01:12:23,127 --> 01:12:25,197
I like to wear dress.

857
01:12:27,407 --> 01:12:28,886
- Oh, my God.
- The red light.

858
01:12:29,086 --> 01:12:31,082
- What is it?
- Oh, no.

859
01:12:46,847 --> 01:12:48,887
Hello.

860
01:12:49,087 --> 01:12:50,287
What do you want?

861
01:12:50,487 --> 01:12:52,478
Friendly visit. Off duty.

862
01:12:54,407 --> 01:12:56,079
Peace. Pax.

863
01:12:57,647 --> 01:12:59,638
I've come to check your locks.

864
01:13:00,687 --> 01:13:02,200
I'm busy.

865
01:13:03,567 --> 01:13:05,558
Don't you ever get fed up?

866
01:13:05,758 --> 01:13:06,927
What with?

867
01:13:07,127 --> 01:13:08,685
All these kinky sods.

868
01:13:11,407 --> 01:13:13,875
Don't you ever ache for something straight?

869
01:13:16,927 --> 01:13:18,427
Not that I've noticed.

870
01:13:19,367 --> 01:13:21,358
I think you do.

871
01:13:23,087 --> 01:13:24,927
I know you do.

872
01:13:25,127 --> 01:13:27,118
It's written all over your face.

873
01:13:29,607 --> 01:13:31,598
Let me come in.

874
01:13:32,287 --> 01:13:34,198
Now.

875
01:13:37,247 --> 01:13:39,317
You've got to keep in with the police.

876
01:13:42,287 --> 01:13:43,787
Sorry, too late.

877
01:13:47,447 --> 01:13:49,517
Oh, my God! Bloody hell!

878
01:13:50,407 --> 01:13:52,398
Mac! Are you alive or dead?

879
01:13:52,598 --> 01:13:54,438
I'm alive!

880
01:15:13,607 --> 01:15:14,847
This is very nice, madam.

881
01:15:15,047 --> 01:15:17,207
There are three other bedrooms this size.

882
01:15:17,407 --> 01:15:20,638
- A small bedroom and a box room.
- Oh, that would be my room, madam.

883
01:15:20,838 --> 01:15:23,997
- I'll put you in a bloody kennel!
- Yes, please.

884
01:15:27,087 --> 01:15:28,927
Nice.

885
01:15:29,127 --> 01:15:32,324
- They are well-proportioned rooms.
- Very nice.

886
01:15:35,807 --> 01:15:39,482
If you put up some of the cash,
it gives you no rights over my life, you know.

887
01:15:39,682 --> 01:15:41,367
Call it an indulgence, madam,

888
01:15:41,567 --> 01:15:44,400
of an ageing pillock in the autumn of his days.

889
01:15:55,567 --> 01:15:57,842
The perfect locale for a brothel, madam.

890
01:15:59,327 --> 01:16:00,727
A house of pleasure.

891
01:16:00,927 --> 01:16:02,918
Privacy and discretion assured.

892
01:16:04,047 --> 01:16:05,887
It's a home. My home.

893
01:16:06,087 --> 01:16:08,078
Not just a knocking-shop.

894
01:16:08,887 --> 01:16:10,878
But the place for sex is in the home.

895
01:16:17,807 --> 01:16:20,196
A guaranteed loan, madam, through my bank.

896
01:16:20,396 --> 01:16:22,087
The bargain of a lifetime.

897
01:16:22,287 --> 01:16:25,199
Snap it up now,
before senile dementia runs me down.

898
01:16:25,399 --> 01:16:26,747
This garden's a mess.

899
01:16:27,527 --> 01:16:29,367
Slaves required.

900
01:16:29,567 --> 01:16:31,407
Foot and shoe fetishists welcome.

901
01:16:31,607 --> 01:16:33,677
Household and garden duties essential.

902
01:16:33,877 --> 01:16:35,604
Won't cost a penny.

903
01:16:36,607 --> 01:16:38,047
I'll leave that to you.

904
01:16:38,247 --> 01:16:40,158
I'll take care of everything, madam.

905
01:16:41,167 --> 01:16:42,407
Nice.

906
01:16:42,607 --> 01:16:44,207
A mess.

907
01:16:44,407 --> 01:16:46,398
A nice mess.

908
01:17:26,447 --> 01:17:27,767
Turn on the light!

909
01:17:27,967 --> 01:17:29,958
Danielle! Turn the light on!

910
01:17:36,607 --> 01:17:39,327
You see? They want more, madam!

911
01:17:39,527 --> 01:17:42,127
You shouldn't be watching this. Not yet.

912
01:17:42,327 --> 01:17:43,885
They can't wait, madam!

913
01:17:44,085 --> 01:17:45,567
We want to see the films.

914
01:17:45,767 --> 01:17:48,759
- We want to see the films.
- We want to see the films.

915
01:17:48,959 --> 01:17:53,567
There's going to be a lesbian display first.
The blue films are for later.

916
01:17:53,767 --> 01:17:55,767
We've got Hot Pussies, Horse Lovers,

917
01:17:55,967 --> 01:17:58,435
- Way To Valhalla...
- And Casanova And The Nuns!

918
01:17:58,635 --> 01:17:59,847
And the nuns.

919
01:18:00,047 --> 01:18:04,447
But there's going to be
a real live lesbian display first.

920
01:18:04,647 --> 01:18:06,638
Bloody well cheer up, Danielle.

921
01:18:09,287 --> 01:18:12,647
No sex in the bathroom, please!

922
01:18:12,847 --> 01:18:15,407
Last time, somebody pulled the sink off the wall.

923
01:18:16,687 --> 01:18:17,967
Come on.

924
01:18:18,167 --> 01:18:20,087
- That's it.
- I'm all right.

925
01:18:20,287 --> 01:18:22,727
- Come in!
- My dear Christine, hello.

926
01:18:22,927 --> 01:18:25,607
This is my friend and colleague, Mr Patel.

927
01:18:25,807 --> 01:18:28,844
Hello. Come in.
Is this the one that's getting me the fridge?

928
01:18:29,044 --> 01:18:29,767
He's the one.

929
01:18:29,967 --> 01:18:33,357
We offer the best discounts in town,
Miss Painter. Anything you like.

930
01:18:33,557 --> 01:18:36,087
Except sex, eh? Ha-bloody-ha!

931
01:18:36,287 --> 01:18:40,287
Now, brothel days are Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays.

932
01:18:40,487 --> 01:18:42,239
But this is just a party, a sex party.

933
01:18:42,439 --> 01:18:45,040
- So, enjoy yourselves.
- Who have we got here this evening?

934
01:18:45,240 --> 01:18:48,807
- Helen's here, and Barbara.
- She's nice.

935
01:18:49,007 --> 01:18:50,507
Oh, and there's Fay.

936
01:18:50,707 --> 01:18:51,807
No charge.

937
01:18:52,007 --> 01:18:54,760
She only does it in her spare time.
She's really a vet.

938
01:18:55,727 --> 01:19:00,887
Now, when you go upstairs,
you hand that in to the girl.

939
01:19:01,087 --> 01:19:02,567
Don't pay the girl.

940
01:19:02,767 --> 01:19:05,361
I pay them later.
They hand me back the vouchers.

941
01:19:08,047 --> 01:19:10,003
Nicole, get these two gentlemen a drink.

942
01:19:10,203 --> 01:19:13,164
There's going to be a real live lesbian show
in a minute.

943
01:19:17,407 --> 01:19:20,683
- Silly bugger! What do you think you're doing?
- I'm on a quest, madam.

944
01:19:20,883 --> 01:19:23,366
Searching for the perfect expression
of my femininity.

945
01:19:23,566 --> 01:19:25,045
Not easy for an ageing pillock.

946
01:19:25,245 --> 01:19:27,537
Why can't you grow old gracefully, silly old sod?

947
01:19:28,327 --> 01:19:32,206
Oh, certainly not, madam.
I intend to grow old disgracefully!

948
01:19:32,406 --> 01:19:33,747
Disgusting.

949
01:19:45,927 --> 01:19:48,316
Here. Straight from the chicken's gonger.

950
01:19:48,516 --> 01:19:50,358
Thank you, Christine.

951
01:19:50,558 --> 01:19:52,398
You're a dear.

952
01:20:03,967 --> 01:20:05,958
A beacon among the rocks.

953
01:20:08,607 --> 01:20:10,598
Among the cocks, more like.

954
01:20:36,567 --> 01:20:38,558
Dirty old sods, every one of you.

955
01:20:42,767 --> 01:20:46,237
What's the point of being old
if you can't be dirty?

956
01:21:06,247 --> 01:21:07,885
Nice party.

957
01:21:15,167 --> 01:21:19,843
Happy birthday to you

958
01:21:20,087 --> 01:21:24,842
Happy birthday to you

959
01:21:25,042 --> 01:21:31,087
Happy birthday, dear David

960
01:21:31,287 --> 01:21:35,075
Happy birthday to you

961
01:21:36,887 --> 01:21:38,878
Hooray!

962
01:21:42,927 --> 01:21:44,918
Come on, where's your puff, boy?

963
01:21:46,527 --> 01:21:48,483
Right. Here.

964
01:21:50,167 --> 01:21:52,767
- What about the cake, madam?
- Wait a bloody minute.

965
01:22:05,447 --> 01:22:07,517
Happy birthday.

966
01:22:09,087 --> 01:22:10,964
Hello, David.

967
01:22:13,487 --> 01:22:15,478
This is Carol.

968
01:22:28,087 --> 01:22:30,607
- Oh!
- I'm sorry, did I startle you?

969
01:22:30,807 --> 01:22:33,719
- I thought you'd gone.
- I must be getting underway.

970
01:22:33,919 --> 01:22:35,997
Yes, you must.

971
01:22:37,967 --> 01:22:42,279
- Thank you so much. Same time next week?
- Yes. I should take that off if I were you.

972
01:22:43,287 --> 01:22:45,278
Oh! Thank you. Yes.

973
01:22:48,047 --> 01:22:50,436
- Next week, then.
- Three o'clock prompt!

974
01:22:54,607 --> 01:22:56,598
Winky-poos and bot-bots.

975
01:22:59,407 --> 01:23:00,447
- Yes?
- Hello.

976
01:23:00,647 --> 01:23:04,003
- Hello. You're late!
- Sorry, mistress Christine. I've been at work.

977
01:23:04,203 --> 01:23:07,517
Work? There's work to be done round here,
my boy! In! In! Go on!

978
01:23:10,367 --> 01:23:12,927
Come on! Come on, slave! Get a move on!

979
01:23:20,607 --> 01:23:22,962
What do you think this is,
the Queen's garden party?

980
01:23:23,162 --> 01:23:24,884
Get busy, you lot!

981
01:23:25,084 --> 01:23:26,127
Now! Go on!

982
01:23:26,327 --> 01:23:28,124
Madam, they want to know how much.

983
01:23:28,324 --> 01:23:30,362
- What for?
- Digging the garden.

984
01:23:31,807 --> 01:23:33,927
They're slaves. I thought it was free.

985
01:23:34,127 --> 01:23:38,086
No, they want to know how much you want
for letting them dig the garden.

986
01:23:41,687 --> 01:23:45,043
They've got to work much harder.

987
01:23:46,847 --> 01:23:50,681
- Or I won't accept a penny.
- Sorry, mistress Christine.

988
01:24:01,287 --> 01:24:03,084
What is it?

989
01:24:09,807 --> 01:24:11,396
Dad.

990
01:24:20,207 --> 01:24:21,887
So, this is it.

991
01:24:22,087 --> 01:24:25,045
That's right, this is it. Have a good look.

992
01:24:25,245 --> 01:24:28,318
- I'm not here for a row.
- Makes a change.

993
01:24:30,127 --> 01:24:34,359
It doesn't matter which side I stand, I'm always
on the wrong side of you. It's not easy.

994
01:24:34,559 --> 01:24:35,907
Then why bother?

995
01:24:40,167 --> 01:24:41,667
I need a woman.

996
01:24:45,767 --> 01:24:47,267
Pardon?

997
01:24:48,967 --> 01:24:50,567
A woman.

998
01:24:50,767 --> 01:24:52,485
Your father needs a woman.

999
01:24:55,727 --> 01:24:57,604
Thanks, Mum.

1000
01:24:59,327 --> 01:25:01,283
Your grandfather's here, David.

1001
01:25:01,483 --> 01:25:03,761
- Hello, son.
- Hello.

1002
01:25:03,961 --> 01:25:05,307
Grandpa.

1003
01:25:06,247 --> 01:25:09,876
- Grandpa.
- Here. Happy birthday.

1004
01:25:12,287 --> 01:25:14,482
Thanks, Grandpa.

1005
01:25:14,682 --> 01:25:16,518
Dad!

1006
01:25:32,047 --> 01:25:34,038
Dad. David, excuse us, please.

1007
01:25:34,238 --> 01:25:36,078
Dad, come with me.

1008
01:25:41,207 --> 01:25:43,198
Up or down?

1009
01:25:52,367 --> 01:25:53,925
Dad, this is Carol.

1010
01:25:54,125 --> 01:25:55,807
Carol, this is my dad.

1011
01:25:56,007 --> 01:25:57,998
How do you do, Mr Painter?

1012
01:25:58,198 --> 01:26:01,437
- How do you do?
- Very well, thank you.

1013
01:26:22,767 --> 01:26:27,522
Long time ago in Bethlehem

1014
01:26:28,527 --> 01:26:32,964
So the Holy Bible say

1015
01:26:33,927 --> 01:26:39,001
Mary's boy child, Jesus Christ

1016
01:26:39,201 --> 01:26:43,607
Was born on Christmas Day

1017
01:26:43,807 --> 01:26:48,835
Hark now hear the angels sing

1018
01:26:49,847 --> 01:26:54,207
Listen what they say

1019
01:26:54,407 --> 01:27:00,687
That man will live for evermore

1020
01:27:00,887 --> 01:27:04,641
Because of Christmas Day

1021
01:27:57,607 --> 01:27:59,207
I saw you!

1022
01:27:59,407 --> 01:28:01,047
Thank you, Lorena!

1023
01:28:01,247 --> 01:28:02,527
Now, then, you lot.

1024
01:28:02,727 --> 01:28:05,287
Come on, Webby. I want a snap with the girls.

1025
01:28:05,487 --> 01:28:07,045
Lorena, you can come back out now!

1026
01:28:07,245 --> 01:28:08,486
You two, shift your gongers.

1027
01:28:08,686 --> 01:28:10,478
All the men, out!

1028
01:28:13,567 --> 01:28:14,887
Come on! Come on, girls! In!

1029
01:28:15,087 --> 01:28:18,443
Come on you lot, stop pissing about!
I want you to get into this picture.

1030
01:28:18,643 --> 01:28:20,523
Jenny! Look at her knickers.

1031
01:28:20,723 --> 01:28:22,125
Gloria? Oh, she's here.

1032
01:28:22,325 --> 01:28:23,407
Come on, Helen!

1033
01:28:23,607 --> 01:28:26,567
Come on. Come on, Shirley. In the middle.
And Dolly.

1034
01:28:26,767 --> 01:28:28,837
- I'm here.
- Oh, you're here. That's right.

1035
01:28:29,037 --> 01:28:32,187
Oh, Danielle, stop looking so bloody miserable.
Get in at the side.

1036
01:28:33,407 --> 01:28:34,967
Nicole!

1037
01:28:35,167 --> 01:28:36,964
- Me too, madam.
- Not bloody likely.

1038
01:28:37,164 --> 01:28:39,007
- Oh, yes, please, madam!
- Yes, come on.

1039
01:28:39,367 --> 01:28:42,359
- Hey! Hey, what about the men?
- No men!

1040
01:28:42,559 --> 01:28:44,398
Yes, what about us?

1041
01:28:44,598 --> 01:28:46,915
Right.

1042
01:28:48,367 --> 01:28:51,723
One, two, three...

1043
01:28:51,923 --> 01:28:54,440
Sex!

1044
01:28:57,887 --> 01:28:59,727
Merry Christmas!

1045
01:28:59,927 --> 01:29:01,724
Happy Christmas!

1046
01:29:03,207 --> 01:29:04,707
Jingle Bells

1047
01:29:05,607 --> 01:29:08,758
Let the fucking commence!

1048
01:29:33,047 --> 01:29:35,038
Jingle Bells

1049
01:30:00,167 --> 01:30:02,007
- Who is it?
- I am a police officer.

1050
01:30:02,207 --> 01:30:04,277
I have a warrant to enter these premises!

1051
01:30:04,477 --> 01:30:08,286
- Open up!
- Look out, everybody, it's a raid!

1052
01:30:13,567 --> 01:30:15,067
Oh, shit.

1053
01:30:15,527 --> 01:30:17,279
Come on, lads. Keep on.

1054
01:30:18,287 --> 01:30:21,404
Oh, well, you might as well come in
now you're here!

1055
01:30:21,604 --> 01:30:23,039
Nice to see you again.

1056
01:30:29,887 --> 01:30:32,082
- What the hell's going on?
- Who's this?

1057
01:30:33,807 --> 01:30:35,798
Come on in, boys.

1058
01:30:35,998 --> 01:30:37,687
That's right.

1059
01:30:37,887 --> 01:30:39,206
And you, girls.

1060
01:30:39,406 --> 01:30:41,562
We're short on girls.

1061
01:30:46,047 --> 01:30:47,547
Sod off!

1062
01:30:52,847 --> 01:30:54,405
Sex!

1063
01:30:57,247 --> 01:30:59,761
We are police officers. Stop what you are doing.

1064
01:31:00,607 --> 01:31:04,122
I don't care who you are. I'm not stopping now.

1065
01:31:08,207 --> 01:31:10,047
Arrest this woman!

1066
01:31:10,247 --> 01:31:12,636
That is an offensive weapon!

1067
01:31:19,047 --> 01:31:20,407
Out!

1068
01:31:20,607 --> 01:31:23,967
1-6-4-5. All cars...

1069
01:31:24,167 --> 01:31:26,886
- Come on! What are you waiting...?
- Oh!

1070
01:31:40,887 --> 01:31:42,407
Rule Britannia

1071
01:31:42,607 --> 01:31:44,245
Britannia rules the waves

1072
01:31:44,445 --> 01:31:47,518
Britons never never never shall be slaves

1073
01:31:47,718 --> 01:31:49,046
Sod 'em all, madam!

1074
01:31:49,246 --> 01:31:50,207
I'm a pervert!

1075
01:31:50,407 --> 01:31:53,367
Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!

1076
01:31:53,567 --> 01:31:57,606
- Do you have to knock down the doors?
- This is the woman, and these are the premises

1077
01:31:57,806 --> 01:32:00,400
on which I've kept observation
over the last three months.

1078
01:32:00,600 --> 01:32:03,397
This house has been operating as a brothel
during that time.

1079
01:32:04,767 --> 01:32:07,207
You've heard the officer. What have you to say?

1080
01:32:07,407 --> 01:32:11,657
If I'd know he'd been out there all that time,
I'd have asked him in for a cup of tea.

1081
01:32:14,327 --> 01:32:16,795
- Can't you tell him not to...?
- In the van!

1082
01:32:20,247 --> 01:32:21,965
- Diplomats?
- I beg your pardon?

1083
01:32:22,165 --> 01:32:23,847
Are you diplomats?

1084
01:32:24,047 --> 01:32:25,887
Yes, we are diplomats.

1085
01:32:26,087 --> 01:32:27,287
No scandals, please.

1086
01:32:27,487 --> 01:32:28,886
- Scarper.
- Thank you, sir.

1087
01:32:29,086 --> 01:32:30,878
Yes, sir.

1088
01:33:08,207 --> 01:33:10,198
Pay no attention.

1089
01:33:14,287 --> 01:33:15,687
I'm not going in that!

1090
01:33:15,887 --> 01:33:17,447
Hello, Maureen! We're being raided!

1091
01:33:17,647 --> 01:33:21,083
- I hope you'll apologise to the neighbours.
- Don't make trouble, madam.

1092
01:33:21,283 --> 01:33:24,597
I'm not going in no Black Maria
like some common criminal.

1093
01:33:24,797 --> 01:33:25,887
Everyone else is.

1094
01:33:26,087 --> 01:33:29,204
I'll go in yours. Which is yours?
Is this yours? Come on.

1095
01:33:30,207 --> 01:33:32,198
- Come on.
- Very well, madam.

1096
01:33:32,398 --> 01:33:34,238
He's a gentleman!

1097
01:33:34,438 --> 01:33:36,278
Just my type.

1098
01:33:37,327 --> 01:33:39,318
A touch of royalty about him.

1099
01:33:41,007 --> 01:33:42,998
Silent night

1100
01:33:46,607 --> 01:33:48,598
Get off!

1101
01:33:48,798 --> 01:33:50,638
Come on.

1102
01:33:53,567 --> 01:33:56,559
Come on, you're not going anywhere like that.
Come on.

1103
01:33:57,647 --> 01:33:59,638
Oh, shit. Come here.

1104
01:34:06,167 --> 01:34:08,158
Come on.

1105
01:34:26,887 --> 01:34:28,878
Oh!

1106
01:34:29,887 --> 01:34:31,387
What a carry-on, eh?

1107
01:34:33,367 --> 01:34:35,358
Settle down!

1108
01:34:35,558 --> 01:34:37,198
Baa!

1109
01:34:37,447 --> 01:34:39,438
Baa!

1110
01:34:42,487 --> 01:34:44,607
Bleah! Blah!

1111
01:34:44,807 --> 01:34:46,647
Bleah! Bleah!

1112
01:34:46,847 --> 01:34:48,838
- Baa!
- Gentlemen!

1113
01:34:49,038 --> 01:34:49,807
Bleah!

1114
01:34:50,007 --> 01:34:52,282
Gentlemen, I would ask you to be patient.

1115
01:34:53,527 --> 01:34:58,317
Tea and baked beans will be served
and statements will be taken.

1116
01:34:58,517 --> 01:35:00,207
We won't keep you long.

1117
01:35:00,407 --> 01:35:01,727
You're all a lot of sheep!

1118
01:35:01,927 --> 01:35:05,044
You don't have to give statements!
Ask him what's the charge.

1119
01:35:05,244 --> 01:35:08,204
You're all a lot of sheep!
What's the charge?

1120
01:35:08,404 --> 01:35:11,125
Sheep! Baa! Baa! Baa!

1121
01:35:12,647 --> 01:35:15,241
I'm a retired officer of the RAF!

1122
01:35:15,441 --> 01:35:17,127
Twice decorated!

1123
01:35:17,327 --> 01:35:20,842
I flew 207 missions over occupied territory!

1124
01:35:21,042 --> 01:35:22,718
In bra and panties!

1125
01:35:22,918 --> 01:35:24,758
You're a disgrace.

1126
01:35:26,967 --> 01:35:30,087
This is no way to treat a lady!

1127
01:35:30,287 --> 01:35:32,755
It'sjust like a Tupperware party, really.

1128
01:35:33,767 --> 01:35:37,447
But I sell sex instead of plastic containers.

1129
01:35:37,647 --> 01:35:40,844
If the wives were willing,
I'd be out of a job, wouldn't I?

1130
01:35:41,044 --> 01:35:42,727
They go off sex.

1131
01:35:42,927 --> 01:35:45,122
Rather sell Tupperware.

1132
01:35:45,322 --> 01:35:47,158
Ha-bloody-ha.

1133
01:35:50,407 --> 01:35:52,398
Sex soon goes out of a marriage.

1134
01:35:52,598 --> 01:35:54,756
I'm a bit old-fashioned, really.

1135
01:35:54,956 --> 01:35:56,647
I believe in marriage.

1136
01:35:56,847 --> 01:35:58,687
Men are animals, sexually.

1137
01:35:58,887 --> 01:36:02,004
They don't talk a bit of sense
until you've got them despunked.

1138
01:36:02,204 --> 01:36:05,007
Women are more affectionate.
They like a bit of affection.

1139
01:36:05,207 --> 01:36:07,596
Though I've met a few horny buggers in my time.

1140
01:36:09,047 --> 01:36:11,607
The wife wants a three-piece suite.

1141
01:36:11,807 --> 01:36:13,487
If she gave the man sex,

1142
01:36:13,687 --> 01:36:17,475
he might be more inclined to come across
with the three-piece suite.

1143
01:36:17,675 --> 01:36:20,687
It may not be a fashionable thing to say,

1144
01:36:20,887 --> 01:36:24,967
but once you've got him despunked, and he's
sitting there thinking he's all wonderful,

1145
01:36:25,167 --> 01:36:29,285
done you a good turn, given you a pair
of soggy knickers, in the afterglow of his glory,

1146
01:36:29,485 --> 01:36:33,036
he's more likely to come across
with a Dralon three-piece, don't you think?

1147
01:36:35,367 --> 01:36:37,835
Well, you could well be right, love. I dunno.

1148
01:36:38,035 --> 01:36:40,355
Personally, I've been married for 20 years,

1149
01:36:40,555 --> 01:36:43,001
and we still go at it like rabbits.

1150
01:36:44,887 --> 01:36:46,647
I'm responsible, not the men.

1151
01:36:46,847 --> 01:36:49,202
You can't expect the men to be responsible.

1152
01:36:49,402 --> 01:36:52,637
When the balls are full, the brain is empty.
Ask him.

1153
01:36:52,837 --> 01:36:55,327
He should know. I'm fully responsible.

1154
01:36:55,527 --> 01:36:57,597
We're looking to make several charges.

1155
01:36:57,797 --> 01:37:02,118
Including possessing obscene articles for gain,
selling liquor without a licence,

1156
01:37:02,318 --> 01:37:05,637
running a disorderly house,
and keeping a brothel.

1157
01:37:05,837 --> 01:37:08,759
I just perform a service.

1158
01:37:09,847 --> 01:37:11,326
You will go down for this.

1159
01:37:11,526 --> 01:37:15,559
I only go down for a price, dear,
and I doubt if you could afford it.

1160
01:37:55,047 --> 01:38:00,440
Earth stood hard as iron

1161
01:38:01,327 --> 01:38:06,355
Water like a stone

1162
01:38:07,367 --> 01:38:13,476
Snow had fallen, snow on snow

1163
01:38:13,676 --> 01:38:18,965
Snow on snow

1164
01:38:20,327 --> 01:38:26,516
In the bleak midwinter

1165
01:38:26,716 --> 01:38:33,067
Long ago

1166
01:38:48,887 --> 01:38:50,387
Yaaah!

1167
01:38:59,087 --> 01:39:01,727
Good morning, gentlemen.
Good morning, ladies.

1168
01:39:01,927 --> 01:39:04,236
Please, please! No need to storm the fort.

1169
01:39:04,436 --> 01:39:07,484
- Is Miss Painter here?
- No, madam is not here at present.

1170
01:39:07,684 --> 01:39:12,282
But if you would care to follow me, we will
proceed with a conducted tour of the premises.

1171
01:39:14,047 --> 01:39:16,038
This way, please. This way.

1172
01:39:17,567 --> 01:39:19,842
Is it true she gave sex to people in wheelchairs?

1173
01:39:20,042 --> 01:39:23,960
Well, there was a minimal charge, sir.
But yes, it's true. Everything's true, sir.

1174
01:39:24,160 --> 01:39:25,847
All in good time.

1175
01:39:26,047 --> 01:39:29,167
My name is Morton. Ex Wing Commander.

1176
01:39:29,367 --> 01:39:33,727
Since my retirement,
I have devoted my life to transvestism

1177
01:39:33,927 --> 01:39:36,447
and the pursuit of sexual deviation.

1178
01:39:36,647 --> 01:39:38,487
And I'm now a very happy man,

1179
01:39:38,687 --> 01:39:41,804
having escaped
from an extremely overcrowded closet.

1180
01:39:42,004 --> 01:39:46,127
Here, catering strictly for the tastes
of the older gentleman,

1181
01:39:46,327 --> 01:39:50,287
here is the lounge where clients relax
with a bridge roll and a gin and tonic

1182
01:39:50,487 --> 01:39:52,876
before going with the lady of their choice...

1183
01:39:53,727 --> 01:39:56,685
thus undermining the moral fabric of the nation.

1184
01:39:57,687 --> 01:40:00,759
But let me take you
to where I know you're longing to go.

1185
01:40:00,959 --> 01:40:05,278
Upstairs! To reveal the exotic underbelly
of our beloved country.

1186
01:40:06,127 --> 01:40:09,199
Follow in the footsteps
of fathers and grandfathers,

1187
01:40:09,399 --> 01:40:10,687
fornicators all.

1188
01:40:10,887 --> 01:40:14,277
If, in your innocence,
there is anything you do not understand,

1189
01:40:14,477 --> 01:40:16,318
if there's anything you wish to see,

1190
01:40:16,518 --> 01:40:18,358
do not hesitate to ask.

1191
01:40:18,558 --> 01:40:20,847
For in this house,

1192
01:40:21,047 --> 01:40:23,163
we have nothing to hide.

1193
01:40:57,767 --> 01:40:59,758
Be upstanding in court.

1194
01:41:43,887 --> 01:41:46,765
Bless this house

1195
01:41:46,965 --> 01:41:49,879
O Lord, we pray

1196
01:41:50,079 --> 01:41:55,927
Make it safe by night and day

1197
01:41:56,127 --> 01:41:59,119
Bless these walls

1198
01:41:59,319 --> 01:42:03,247
So firm and stout

1199
01:42:03,447 --> 01:42:09,527
Keeping want and trouble out

1200
01:42:09,727 --> 01:42:16,041
Bless the roof and chimneys tall

1201
01:42:16,727 --> 01:42:23,227
Let thy peace lie over all

1202
01:42:24,487 --> 01:42:30,562
Bless this door that it may prove

1203
01:42:30,762 --> 01:42:37,107
Ever open to joy and love