1 00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:14,779 There are some friends you'll have for the rest of your life. 2 00:00:15,940 --> 00:00:18,898 You're welded together by love, 3 00:00:19,660 --> 00:00:22,174 trust, respect, 4 00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:24,133 or loss. 5 00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:27,337 Or in our case, simple embarrassment. 6 00:00:34,380 --> 00:00:36,098 Stand clear of the doors. 7 00:00:36,260 --> 00:00:37,818 Mind the gap. 8 00:00:49,380 --> 00:00:53,532 Let's all go down to Oxford Circus, past Trafalgar Square... 9 00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:56,453 And then from Charing Cross right up to Euston. 10 00:00:56,620 --> 00:00:59,214 Then change to the Victoria, 11 00:00:59,380 --> 00:01:03,168 then the Piccadilly takes us round to Gloucester Road, 12 00:01:03,540 --> 00:01:05,212 Kensington and Notting Hill Gate. 13 00:01:05,380 --> 00:01:06,859 Holland Park, and Shepherds Bush. 14 00:01:07,020 --> 00:01:10,490 - Ladbroke Grove, Westbourne Park. - Royal Oak and Paddington. 15 00:01:10,660 --> 00:01:12,298 Edgware Road and Baker Street. 16 00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:14,371 Great Portland Street and Euston Square. 17 00:01:14,540 --> 00:01:17,657 Barbican and Aldgate East and change for Tower Hill. 18 00:01:17,820 --> 00:01:21,210 Fulham Broadway, heading down for Wimbledon. 19 00:01:21,420 --> 00:01:24,571 Wimbledon Park. Now we've crossed the Thames. 20 00:01:24,740 --> 00:01:28,050 Back to Earl's Court right up to Victoria. 21 00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:29,778 Change for Green Park. 22 00:01:29,940 --> 00:01:32,090 Home in time for tea. 23 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:36,048 To check the map to find the route to start again. 24 00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,451 So, after tea we're off again. 25 00:01:40,780 --> 00:01:44,375 We go through Swiss Cottage heading northward on the Jubilee. 26 00:01:44,540 --> 00:01:47,532 We change to the Metropolitan at Finchley Road, 27 00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:50,294 which takes us round to change at Rayner's Lane. 28 00:01:50,460 --> 00:01:53,179 - Sudbury Hill and Sudbury Town. - Alperton and Acton Town. 29 00:01:53,340 --> 00:01:56,491 - Chiswick Park and Turnham Green. - Stamford Brook and Ravenscourt Park. 30 00:01:56,660 --> 00:01:59,015 - Hammersmith and Barons Court. - West Kensington and Bayswater. 31 00:01:59,180 --> 00:02:00,249 And again, Paddington... 32 00:02:00,540 --> 00:02:02,053 Then change for Maida Vale. 33 00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:03,539 Willesden Junction. 34 00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:05,372 Didn't notice Kensal Green. 35 00:02:05,540 --> 00:02:08,054 Watford High Street. Christ, we've gone too far. 36 00:02:08,220 --> 00:02:11,178 Stop at Watford. Back again to Baker Street. 37 00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:14,173 King's Cross, Moorgate, Northern line to Bank. 38 00:02:14,340 --> 00:02:16,808 And the escalator link to Monument. 39 00:02:16,980 --> 00:02:19,813 We jump the Circle and we're going round and round 40 00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:21,936 and round and round. 41 00:02:31,780 --> 00:02:33,372 All change! 42 00:02:38,380 --> 00:02:41,417 Perhaps we shouldn't have closed with the Underground Song. 43 00:02:41,580 --> 00:02:44,572 Just keep thinking of the fee, my cherubs. 500 pounds. 44 00:02:44,740 --> 00:02:47,413 - It could have been worse. - Yes, it could have been worse. 45 00:02:47,580 --> 00:02:50,333 They could have attached electrodes to our genitals! 46 00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:52,252 I think they enjoyed it, in their own way. 47 00:02:52,420 --> 00:02:54,775 Yes, they're just one of those audiences that enjoy it... later. 48 00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:56,771 They get home and think: Yes, I rather enjoyed that. 49 00:02:56,940 --> 00:02:59,898 Should we give them our individual telephone numbers then? 50 00:03:00,060 --> 00:03:02,369 I shall expect dozens of phone calls saying: 51 00:03:02,540 --> 00:03:04,974 "I know I looked bored shitless throughout the evening, 52 00:03:05,140 --> 00:03:07,734 but on reflection, Roger was right. I had a fantastic time". 53 00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:09,538 You two are so cynical. 54 00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:12,692 We should hire a lawyer and sue that audience. 55 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,771 - Paul enjoyed it. - You are such a little cutie. 56 00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:18,820 Maggie, are you doing a magic trick over there? 57 00:03:18,980 --> 00:03:20,049 Oh, Maggie! 58 00:03:20,220 --> 00:03:21,619 I have to say, Peter. 59 00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:24,931 Why did your father book us if his friends weren't going to laugh. 60 00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:26,897 And you have to say that? 61 00:03:27,060 --> 00:03:29,255 Will you take a picture of us? 62 00:03:32,020 --> 00:03:34,773 Not a photograph! Not a photo! 63 00:03:35,980 --> 00:03:38,369 It's the last performance we'll do together, 64 00:03:38,540 --> 00:03:41,577 and it's New Year's Eve and I want a photograph. 65 00:03:45,140 --> 00:03:47,051 We're not students anymore. 66 00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:48,369 Thank God. 67 00:03:48,740 --> 00:03:51,208 Hurry up! I haven't got all night! 68 00:03:51,380 --> 00:03:52,654 Smile. 69 00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:54,219 All right. Bah after three. 70 00:03:54,380 --> 00:03:55,529 Bah! 71 00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:04,971 Welcome to your life. 72 00:04:06,060 --> 00:04:08,255 There's no turning back. 73 00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:13,051 Even while we sleep, 74 00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:20,215 we will find you acting on your best behaviour. 75 00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:24,209 Turn your back on Mother Nature. 76 00:04:24,580 --> 00:04:28,892 Everybody wants to rule the world. 77 00:04:39,260 --> 00:04:41,933 It's my own design. 78 00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:46,176 It's my own remarks. 79 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:49,898 Help me to decide. 80 00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:57,010 Help me make the most of freedom and of pleasure. 81 00:04:57,740 --> 00:05:00,891 Nothing ever lasts forever. 82 00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:05,971 Everybody wants to rule the world. 83 00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:09,576 There's a room where the light won't find you. 84 00:05:10,180 --> 00:05:13,809 Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down. 85 00:05:14,860 --> 00:05:17,772 When they do, I'll be right behind you. 86 00:05:18,140 --> 00:05:21,610 So glad we've almost made it. 87 00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:26,259 So sad they had to fade it. 88 00:05:26,420 --> 00:05:29,969 Everybody wants to rule the world. 89 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,610 Peter, if you're going to stay in the house, 90 00:05:40,780 --> 00:05:43,499 I shall have to file certain papers with the court. 91 00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:46,697 The local rating system alone is very complicated. 92 00:05:46,860 --> 00:05:48,612 I shall need to go through that with you. 93 00:05:48,780 --> 00:05:50,896 But to be honest with you, Mr. Gooch, 94 00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:53,051 I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this house. 95 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:56,849 Your father provided generously for Vera and Paul in his will, 96 00:05:57,060 --> 00:05:59,893 and the part time staff have also been taken care of. 97 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:00,776 I know. 98 00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:03,135 Perhaps you could rent the property out. 99 00:06:03,660 --> 00:06:05,855 I could arrange that for you. 100 00:06:06,060 --> 00:06:08,449 - Not sure. - Or I could get a valuation done. 101 00:06:09,540 --> 00:06:12,896 I'm sorry to be so vague, Mr. Gooch. 102 00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:16,577 But you'll be delighted to know I've made one decision. 103 00:06:16,740 --> 00:06:17,570 What's that? 104 00:06:17,740 --> 00:06:19,537 I'm going to have a party. 105 00:06:22,060 --> 00:06:24,016 Andrew and Carol in there, I think. 106 00:06:25,180 --> 00:06:27,091 And Maggie in there. 107 00:06:27,260 --> 00:06:30,809 Vera, if you'd be happier leaving before the holidays... 108 00:06:30,980 --> 00:06:32,652 I'd understand completely. 109 00:06:32,820 --> 00:06:35,459 And Sarah and... her friend in there. 110 00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:38,260 I've said I'll stay till the first of the year. 111 00:06:38,420 --> 00:06:39,455 Roger and Mary in there. 112 00:06:39,620 --> 00:06:42,293 Which of course is lovely and much appreciated, Vera, 113 00:06:42,460 --> 00:06:45,179 but I wish you'd please try, as a special favour to me, 114 00:06:45,340 --> 00:06:47,729 not to be quite so gothic to my friends. 115 00:06:56,820 --> 00:06:58,970 When my bags come in... 116 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,454 Excuse me, but are you who I think you are? 117 00:07:02,620 --> 00:07:04,212 I think I might be. 118 00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:06,610 - What's your name again? - Carol Benson. 119 00:07:06,780 --> 00:07:07,690 Who? 120 00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:09,813 Carol Benson. 121 00:07:10,460 --> 00:07:12,576 - "Who's in the Kitchen?" - What? 122 00:07:12,740 --> 00:07:15,698 It's a situation comedy. My wife is the star. 123 00:07:15,860 --> 00:07:18,533 It's made us millions of dollars. You must come visit us. 124 00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:19,894 I knew I knew you! 125 00:07:20,300 --> 00:07:22,609 My children watch you on television! 126 00:07:22,780 --> 00:07:24,452 I've never seen the show myself. 127 00:07:24,620 --> 00:07:27,578 It's on at 4 in the afternoon. I usually have things to do. 128 00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:30,129 But they love it. It was nice to meet you. 129 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:32,256 - Susan, was it? - Carol. 130 00:07:32,420 --> 00:07:34,854 Well, I'll just call you "The Kitchen Lady". 131 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:40,856 Andrew, you know what I hate most about being a public figure? 132 00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:42,931 The public. That's one of mine. 133 00:07:49,180 --> 00:07:51,091 What the fuck have you got in here, weights? 134 00:07:51,260 --> 00:07:52,488 Yes. 135 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:02,890 Ben, please play with the tractor that cost Daddy 40 pounds, 136 00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:04,971 not the box it came in. 137 00:08:06,340 --> 00:08:07,568 This is very important. 138 00:08:07,740 --> 00:08:10,732 Every time Ben goes to sleep, it must be switched on, all right? 139 00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:13,414 Wherever you are in the house, you must carry this intercom. 140 00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,889 If he stops breathing, an alarm will go, 141 00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:18,654 and you get to him immediately and start resuscitation. 142 00:08:18,820 --> 00:08:21,129 - Sure you know mouth-to-mouth? - I'm a qualified nurse. 143 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,018 Please don't worry Mrs. Anderson. 144 00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:26,297 You and your husband go and enjoy a couple of days break. 145 00:08:26,460 --> 00:08:27,859 Everything will be fine. 146 00:08:28,580 --> 00:08:31,253 Maybe we should take Ben with us. 147 00:08:31,740 --> 00:08:34,095 - Could you hold him, please? - Certainly. 148 00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:39,659 Look, we haven't been out of this house at night for 8 months. 149 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,175 - Please! - I'll worry the whole time. 150 00:08:42,340 --> 00:08:45,935 But we're expected. It'll be great to see everyone again. 151 00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,409 All right, let me say goodbye to him once more. 152 00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:52,895 Bye, sweetheart, we'll see you in 3 days. 153 00:08:53,060 --> 00:08:54,129 All right? Mummy and Daddy will see you in 3 days. 154 00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:57,294 I've never left him overnight before. 155 00:08:57,740 --> 00:09:00,208 I've left pictures of myself everywhere. 156 00:09:00,380 --> 00:09:01,859 Look, Michael. 157 00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:03,419 Maggie. 158 00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:05,658 That's supposed to help. 159 00:09:05,820 --> 00:09:08,857 I'll come in twice a day and freshen his food and water. 160 00:09:09,260 --> 00:09:11,774 Please, don't let him follow me into the hall, 161 00:09:11,940 --> 00:09:14,295 'cause he might try and... run after me. 162 00:09:15,660 --> 00:09:16,934 Where is he? 163 00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:19,137 He ran into the bedroom. 164 00:09:20,220 --> 00:09:22,415 He's putting on a brave face. 165 00:09:23,340 --> 00:09:25,456 You have my telephone number. 166 00:09:25,620 --> 00:09:27,770 Just in case you need to get in touch. 167 00:09:27,940 --> 00:09:29,578 Please don't hesitate to call. 168 00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:33,939 Bye, Michael. Bye. 169 00:09:35,260 --> 00:09:36,773 Bye-bye, Michael. 170 00:09:36,980 --> 00:09:39,175 Bye. I'm going, bye. 171 00:09:39,820 --> 00:09:41,651 Don't let him follow me, all right? 172 00:09:41,820 --> 00:09:42,411 Bye. 173 00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:57,654 No, no, no! 174 00:09:58,380 --> 00:09:59,290 Yes! 175 00:10:27,740 --> 00:10:30,493 Sarah! Sarah! 176 00:10:30,980 --> 00:10:33,050 Sarah! It's Maggie! 177 00:10:33,740 --> 00:10:36,129 Maggie, you look wonderful! 178 00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:40,978 You must be Clive. I've heard so much about you. 179 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,893 - Actually, this is Brian. - I meant Brian. 180 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,893 I completely meant Brian. I'm very bad with names. 181 00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:49,938 It's completely my fault. She's talked about Brian for months. 182 00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:52,455 We only met a couple of weeks ago. 183 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,009 Congratulations! 184 00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:57,897 You look very happy together. I wonder who's picking us up. 185 00:10:58,060 --> 00:10:58,651 Hello. 186 00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:00,890 - Are you Paul? - Yes. 187 00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:02,652 Oh, my God! Little Paul! 188 00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:08,258 What about that train! 189 00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:20,416 How is Peter? Is he all right? 190 00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:21,251 I guess. 191 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,973 - So hard losing a parent. - I guess. 192 00:11:25,140 --> 00:11:28,735 I think this is going to have a positive effect on Peter. 193 00:11:29,660 --> 00:11:32,413 He even sounded different on the phone. 194 00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:34,969 More mature. 195 00:11:36,340 --> 00:11:37,853 More sturdy. 196 00:11:38,020 --> 00:11:40,329 Ready to settle down, don't you think? 197 00:11:40,540 --> 00:11:42,371 - I guess. - Me too. 198 00:11:42,540 --> 00:11:43,893 Peter? 199 00:11:44,060 --> 00:11:47,655 Peter's hopeless, Mags. He's the loveliest boy in the world 200 00:11:47,820 --> 00:11:50,618 but he's never been able to hold down a job or relationship. 201 00:11:50,780 --> 00:11:52,816 You know that. He's hopeless. 202 00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,174 People change. 203 00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:56,498 Paul's certainly changed. 204 00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:07,812 I heard this extraordinary story about Greta Garbo the other day. 205 00:12:07,980 --> 00:12:11,052 Apparently she and Georgia O'Keefe 206 00:12:11,220 --> 00:12:14,656 used to keep this Alsatian that used to lick them. 207 00:12:25,020 --> 00:12:27,056 Did he? So how many of the...? 208 00:12:27,220 --> 00:12:28,448 Oh, right. 209 00:12:28,620 --> 00:12:30,497 Yes, well you make sure that... 210 00:12:30,660 --> 00:12:32,616 Yeah, okay then. 211 00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,294 Yes, you are right. 212 00:12:34,460 --> 00:12:36,815 Look, I'll phone as soon as we get there. 213 00:12:36,980 --> 00:12:39,289 To see if everything's all right Thanks a lot. Bye. 214 00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:51,939 Fucking hell! 215 00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:07,535 Look at you! 216 00:13:08,260 --> 00:13:09,773 Look at you! 217 00:13:09,940 --> 00:13:12,374 Mr. California! 218 00:13:12,540 --> 00:13:13,689 Hello, my darling! 219 00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,930 - Did you bring a surfboard? - No, that's just Carol. 220 00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:17,738 Ignore him. He's a monster. 221 00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:19,253 Carol, it's joyful gorgeousity. 222 00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:21,888 - What's all this, then? - It's called a pot belly, Andrew. 223 00:13:22,060 --> 00:13:24,620 We have those in England, along with culture. 224 00:13:24,780 --> 00:13:26,975 - Be careful with everything. - Yes, ma'am. 225 00:13:29,580 --> 00:13:31,218 You look great! 226 00:13:31,380 --> 00:13:33,098 Miss Benson... sorry... 227 00:13:33,260 --> 00:13:35,854 I heard you were going to be here. I'm a really big fan. 228 00:13:36,020 --> 00:13:38,580 Thank you, just grab something from the trunk and follow them. 229 00:13:38,980 --> 00:13:41,813 - Mags, old girl! - Peter! 230 00:13:44,020 --> 00:13:46,580 Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter! 231 00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:49,691 We've just got the 3 days, Maggie. 232 00:13:49,860 --> 00:13:52,328 It would be nice to make it into the house at some stage. 233 00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:53,615 Roger and Mary! 234 00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:55,648 Andrew! 235 00:13:56,820 --> 00:13:59,209 I'm going inside to grab the best room. 236 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,052 Of course you are, my darling. 237 00:14:01,460 --> 00:14:03,576 Excuse me. Are those heavy enough for you? 238 00:14:05,620 --> 00:14:07,417 Hello. Could I...? 239 00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:09,577 Hello, Andrew. 240 00:14:10,420 --> 00:14:11,375 How are you? 241 00:14:11,540 --> 00:14:13,849 Could I be a terrible bore and use your phone? 242 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,055 Yes, of course. 243 00:14:15,220 --> 00:14:16,494 - Well, come on then. - Yes. 244 00:14:42,420 --> 00:14:44,888 Thank you all very much. I'm very grateful. 245 00:14:45,060 --> 00:14:46,857 - Thank you. - Thank you madam. 246 00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:48,248 - Thank you. - Ta. 247 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,695 - Thank you. - No, actually, I'm a guest. 248 00:14:50,860 --> 00:14:51,929 - A guest? - Yeah. 249 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:54,568 - Then why did you carry my bags? - I don't know. 250 00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:03,014 Can you tell me which room my girlfriend's in? 251 00:15:03,180 --> 00:15:05,171 - Does she have a name? - Sorry. Sarah. 252 00:15:05,340 --> 00:15:07,092 She's in that room. 253 00:15:07,260 --> 00:15:09,854 - Everything all right, Vera? - Not enough towels. 254 00:15:11,340 --> 00:15:15,094 Andrew, you should see our room. It is to die for! 255 00:15:15,460 --> 00:15:16,336 My wife. 256 00:15:18,540 --> 00:15:19,416 Sarah. 257 00:15:22,260 --> 00:15:23,215 Sarah? 258 00:15:26,860 --> 00:15:28,054 Sarah? 259 00:15:38,940 --> 00:15:41,852 Look at this armoire! Is it real? 260 00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:43,009 No, it's imaginary. 261 00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:46,209 Whose are these? 262 00:15:47,020 --> 00:15:49,488 I'm afraid there's been a bit of misunderstanding. 263 00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:52,891 Those are my suits. This is my room. 264 00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,735 I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. 265 00:15:57,900 --> 00:16:01,415 No, no that's quite all right. Yours is next door. 266 00:16:01,580 --> 00:16:03,093 Is it as nice as this one? 267 00:16:04,420 --> 00:16:05,648 Well... 268 00:16:05,820 --> 00:16:07,333 I am kidding. 269 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,776 If this were my house, I'd want the best room. 270 00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:13,375 Andrew... bags. 271 00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:18,131 She's fun when she's asleep. 272 00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:20,052 - I heard that. - Thank you, darling. 273 00:16:42,180 --> 00:16:45,968 Tidings of comfort and joy, 274 00:16:46,260 --> 00:16:48,012 comfort and joy. 275 00:16:48,620 --> 00:16:52,533 Oh, tidings of comfort and joy. 276 00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:59,095 Brenda says everything is fine. 277 00:16:59,260 --> 00:16:59,976 Good. 278 00:17:00,260 --> 00:17:03,172 He had a bottle and a whole jar of apple sauce. 279 00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:06,537 Good, probably no need to call tomorrow then. 280 00:17:06,700 --> 00:17:09,339 Are you saying I'm ringing too often? 281 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,297 I can't help it if I'm concerned about my baby. 282 00:17:11,460 --> 00:17:13,496 Are you saying I'm not concerned? 283 00:17:13,660 --> 00:17:16,333 Because I don't ring every 2 seconds doesn't mean I'm not concerned. 284 00:17:18,140 --> 00:17:20,096 Hello you two. Got everything you need? 285 00:17:20,260 --> 00:17:21,773 Yeah, fine thanks. 286 00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:23,134 Towels, spoons? 287 00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:24,938 Heaps of spoons. 288 00:17:25,900 --> 00:17:28,175 - Mary? - Fine, thanks. 289 00:17:29,380 --> 00:17:31,450 It's good to get away, actually. 290 00:17:31,740 --> 00:17:34,698 I'm sorry I haven't seen either of you since... 291 00:17:36,420 --> 00:17:37,694 No, don't be silly. 292 00:17:37,860 --> 00:17:40,613 This is the first time we've been out since it happened. 293 00:17:41,380 --> 00:17:44,929 - Ben's all right though? - Yes, Ben is very bonny. 294 00:17:45,140 --> 00:17:48,132 So, all you've got to worry about are murderers and perverts. 295 00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:50,015 Quite. 296 00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:54,097 I'll see you both downstairs at 7, if that's all right. 297 00:17:58,260 --> 00:17:59,659 Peter, 298 00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:03,095 we were very sorry to hear about your father. 299 00:18:03,260 --> 00:18:04,056 Thank you. 300 00:18:05,980 --> 00:18:09,017 - Thanks for inviting us down. - Tish tosh, nonsense! 301 00:18:09,260 --> 00:18:11,296 Wouldn't work if you two lovelies weren't here. 302 00:18:11,860 --> 00:18:14,215 Well, I'll see you both downstairs. 303 00:18:24,060 --> 00:18:27,609 I could feel the cellulite building up on the plane. 304 00:18:27,780 --> 00:18:31,011 I wonder if any airlines have planes with gyms? 305 00:18:31,180 --> 00:18:33,171 I was going to suggest we flew Gym Air, 306 00:18:33,340 --> 00:18:35,729 but I thought you'd prefer a plane with a seat. 307 00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:38,130 A gym on a plane is a good idea. 308 00:18:38,300 --> 00:18:40,097 And that's what makes you, you, darling. 309 00:18:40,260 --> 00:18:42,171 You promised you'd be nicer to me on this trip. 310 00:18:42,340 --> 00:18:43,932 Because I thought we were getting away from it all. 311 00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:46,330 I didn't realise you'd bring it all with you. 312 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,491 You'd love me less if I were fat. 313 00:18:55,940 --> 00:18:57,771 I think I'll take a walk. 314 00:19:08,060 --> 00:19:09,698 Hiya, sexy. 315 00:19:21,580 --> 00:19:24,697 Hello. Just came to see you're doing this properly. 316 00:19:26,460 --> 00:19:28,132 Oh, no! You're doing it all wrong. 317 00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:29,494 Now I'll have to help you. 318 00:19:30,860 --> 00:19:32,896 So, do you have wood in Los Angeles? 319 00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:35,130 - We have Hollywood. - Now, now. Stop it. 320 00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:38,098 - I don't want to tell you again. - Sorry. 321 00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:41,653 I got your letter. 322 00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:45,294 Thank you. It meant a great deal to me. 323 00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:48,535 My father was very fond of you. 324 00:19:49,780 --> 00:19:51,691 I was fond of him. 325 00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:54,779 Well, you understood him better. I wasted him. 326 00:19:54,940 --> 00:19:56,293 - No. - Yes, I did. 327 00:19:57,460 --> 00:19:58,495 It's funny. 328 00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:02,129 With both my parents gone, I suddenly... 329 00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:04,860 have this overwhelming urge to act maturely. 330 00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:06,658 I don't think anyone really matures. 331 00:20:06,820 --> 00:20:09,618 Adults are just children who owe money. 332 00:20:09,820 --> 00:20:10,730 Come on. 333 00:20:11,940 --> 00:20:13,055 One more? 334 00:20:13,220 --> 00:20:14,096 Okay. 335 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:19,098 Strange about Father. 336 00:20:20,140 --> 00:20:24,338 We fought each other for years and now, I miss him. 337 00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:26,172 Well of course you do, Peter. 338 00:20:28,780 --> 00:20:31,658 So all this is yours now, Eh, your lordshipful? 339 00:20:31,820 --> 00:20:34,778 Kneel when you say that kindly. 340 00:20:35,580 --> 00:20:37,969 Doesn't Sarah look good still? 341 00:20:38,140 --> 00:20:39,368 - Very fruity. - Yes. 342 00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:41,451 Maggie's still Maggie, of course. 343 00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:46,010 Roger and Mary seem to be holding up okay. 344 00:20:46,180 --> 00:20:47,738 I suppose so. 345 00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:50,698 - Horrid thing to have to go through. - Absolutely. 346 00:20:50,860 --> 00:20:53,852 I think if there is a God, he takes a lot of long lunches. 347 00:20:56,260 --> 00:20:58,899 - Are you all right? - Yes, it is... 348 00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:03,335 - Oh, uh yourself. - How is everything out there? 349 00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:06,412 You know, Carol and I have an obscene amount of money. 350 00:21:06,580 --> 00:21:08,855 - How long have you been married? - Almost three years. 351 00:21:09,020 --> 00:21:10,294 That's quite long time for Hollywood, isn't it? 352 00:21:10,460 --> 00:21:11,449 You get some kind of plaque? 353 00:21:11,660 --> 00:21:14,572 If we stay together for 5 years I get free hair transplants, 354 00:21:14,740 --> 00:21:16,173 and she gets a new set of breasts. 355 00:21:16,340 --> 00:21:18,296 - What? So she'll have 4? - Yes, but her agent gets one. 356 00:21:18,460 --> 00:21:19,051 No, no stop it! 357 00:21:19,220 --> 00:21:21,939 You fell for that. I didn't think you would. 358 00:21:25,140 --> 00:21:27,370 Is that cream you're putting in that? 359 00:21:27,540 --> 00:21:29,212 - Are you making any without cream? - No. 360 00:21:29,380 --> 00:21:30,335 I can't have cream. 361 00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:33,060 - Then you'd better not eat any. - What's that I smell? 362 00:21:33,220 --> 00:21:34,653 That's what we're having for dinner. 363 00:21:34,820 --> 00:21:38,096 Cream of mushroom soup, roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, 364 00:21:38,260 --> 00:21:40,979 buttered carrots, sprouts, parsnips, mashed potatoes and trifle. 365 00:21:41,140 --> 00:21:42,573 Should I send for the ambulance? 366 00:21:42,740 --> 00:21:45,493 Lord Malton drew up the menu. You'll have to talk to him. 367 00:21:45,660 --> 00:21:48,697 Why don't you make me a baked potato, steam a few carrots 368 00:21:48,860 --> 00:21:50,578 and broil me a piece of chicken without the skin? 369 00:21:50,740 --> 00:21:53,095 Why don't you go down to the shop, buy whatever it is that you want 370 00:21:53,260 --> 00:21:54,375 and cook your self? 371 00:21:54,540 --> 00:21:56,656 Did you never see "Upstairs, Downstairs"? 372 00:22:03,860 --> 00:22:06,249 So, how's the world of publishing? 373 00:22:06,620 --> 00:22:08,338 Fine, very busy. 374 00:22:09,260 --> 00:22:11,376 Any news on the boyfriend front? 375 00:22:12,300 --> 00:22:14,052 I was kind of seeing someone. 376 00:22:16,700 --> 00:22:17,928 An author. 377 00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:20,092 And what happened? 378 00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:22,932 He committed suicide. 379 00:22:23,460 --> 00:22:26,418 - Oh, I'm so sorry. - It's all right, 380 00:22:26,580 --> 00:22:27,649 honestly, really. 381 00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:30,650 I didn't really like him very much. 382 00:22:31,900 --> 00:22:34,892 I liked him even less after he committed suicide. 383 00:22:36,180 --> 00:22:37,852 How did he do it? 384 00:22:38,860 --> 00:22:41,010 Threw himself off a building. 385 00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:46,095 He couldn't even do that properly. 386 00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:48,570 It was only a 3 storey building. 387 00:22:49,020 --> 00:22:50,817 He would have survived, 388 00:22:52,420 --> 00:22:54,536 only a car ran him over. 389 00:22:56,460 --> 00:22:59,258 - It's not funny. - It is slightly funny, Maggie. 390 00:23:00,300 --> 00:23:03,178 I suppose so. Yes it is slightly funny. 391 00:23:04,020 --> 00:23:05,897 What sort of books did he write? 392 00:23:06,060 --> 00:23:08,574 - Self-help. - Of course. 393 00:23:10,340 --> 00:23:11,614 Oh, sorry. 394 00:23:12,420 --> 00:23:13,535 Actually, 395 00:23:14,260 --> 00:23:17,775 we've just published a new self-help book, 396 00:23:17,940 --> 00:23:20,738 called "You Already Know your Mate" 397 00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:22,458 That sound reasonable. 398 00:23:22,780 --> 00:23:25,931 It's about how sometimes you know someone 399 00:23:27,540 --> 00:23:29,849 and who you should be married to... 400 00:23:30,020 --> 00:23:33,217 but you don't think of him as marriage potential. 401 00:23:33,740 --> 00:23:35,776 Because, you know, he's your friend. 402 00:23:35,940 --> 00:23:38,898 But, Mags, I'm sorry to break your heart, but I am taken. 403 00:23:40,460 --> 00:23:42,098 Not you, Andrew? 404 00:23:45,060 --> 00:23:46,015 Peter. 405 00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:48,814 Peter? Oh, Mags... 406 00:23:49,060 --> 00:23:51,938 Peter's never been very interested in women. 407 00:23:52,900 --> 00:23:55,494 - He's definitely gay then, is he? - I don't know. 408 00:23:55,660 --> 00:23:57,013 Well you're his best friend. 409 00:23:57,180 --> 00:24:00,490 But I haven't seen him for 4 years. We haven't discussed it. 410 00:24:00,660 --> 00:24:03,458 I don't think he's very interested in men either. 411 00:24:03,820 --> 00:24:06,334 And that's the point, I don't think he's a very interested, full stop. 412 00:24:08,620 --> 00:24:11,930 I think it's just because he hasn't met the right woman. 413 00:24:13,260 --> 00:24:14,249 Or rather... 414 00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:18,933 he hasn't realised that he has met the right woman. 415 00:24:19,700 --> 00:24:21,895 But he hasn't realised it. 416 00:24:42,620 --> 00:24:45,612 Got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack. 417 00:24:45,780 --> 00:24:49,693 I went out for a ride and I never went back. 418 00:24:50,900 --> 00:24:54,097 Like a river that don't know where it's flowing. 419 00:24:54,980 --> 00:24:58,416 I took a wrong turn and I just can't go home. 420 00:24:59,060 --> 00:25:02,370 Everybody's got a hungry heart. 421 00:25:03,340 --> 00:25:06,730 Everybody's got a hungry heart. 422 00:25:07,460 --> 00:25:10,850 Lay down your money and you play your part. 423 00:25:11,820 --> 00:25:16,098 Everybody's got a hungry heart. 424 00:25:24,220 --> 00:25:27,337 I met her in a Kingstown bar. 425 00:25:28,380 --> 00:25:31,770 We fell in love, I knew it had to end. 426 00:25:32,420 --> 00:25:35,890 We took what we had and we ripped it apart. 427 00:25:36,820 --> 00:25:40,256 Now here I am down in Kingstown again. 428 00:25:41,100 --> 00:25:44,217 Everybody's got a hungry heart. 429 00:26:02,140 --> 00:26:03,778 You look sensational. 430 00:26:05,900 --> 00:26:07,219 You look very nice too, Sarah. 431 00:26:07,380 --> 00:26:09,735 Do you want us to sit anywhere in particular? 432 00:26:09,900 --> 00:26:11,697 Wherever you like. Just make sure you face the table. 433 00:26:13,700 --> 00:26:15,497 - Good evenings darlings. - Hello. 434 00:26:15,980 --> 00:26:18,938 Carol will be down in a minute. She's just gluing her hair on. 435 00:26:19,580 --> 00:26:20,729 All right if I sit here? 436 00:26:20,900 --> 00:26:22,777 - Maggie. - Hello. 437 00:26:24,140 --> 00:26:25,812 Can I talk to you for just a minute? 438 00:26:26,780 --> 00:26:27,690 Oh, certainly. 439 00:26:30,300 --> 00:26:31,858 I don't know what this about, 440 00:26:32,020 --> 00:26:35,695 but if something's hanging out my nose and no-one's told me, it's trouble. 441 00:26:37,900 --> 00:26:39,936 I need to sit next to Peter. 442 00:26:43,540 --> 00:26:45,974 Look... 443 00:26:46,140 --> 00:26:49,849 Why don't we go boy, girl, boy... Maggie, yeah? 444 00:26:50,220 --> 00:26:51,209 Yes. 445 00:26:53,460 --> 00:26:54,779 You look lovely. 446 00:27:06,140 --> 00:27:08,859 ... Greta Garbo and Georgia O'Keefe. 447 00:27:10,180 --> 00:27:14,298 And they used to keep this Alsatian that used to lick them. 448 00:27:19,140 --> 00:27:20,175 What's wrong with him? 449 00:27:21,940 --> 00:27:22,895 Why? 450 00:27:25,580 --> 00:27:27,935 - Evening all. - Hello. 451 00:27:28,780 --> 00:27:30,771 Does this bother anyone? I'll put it out. 452 00:27:33,860 --> 00:27:35,213 Oh, my Goodness! 453 00:27:36,020 --> 00:27:39,251 Oh, this? This is a just something very expensive. 454 00:27:41,380 --> 00:27:43,735 Peter, this house is gorgeous. 455 00:27:43,900 --> 00:27:46,130 I wanted to buy an English mansion in Bel Air, 456 00:27:46,300 --> 00:27:49,815 but Andrew said it was vulgar. 457 00:27:49,980 --> 00:27:51,618 It was just like this, only brand new. 458 00:27:51,780 --> 00:27:54,214 Excuse me. Could you put that out, please? 459 00:27:55,220 --> 00:27:57,609 Carol, I think you've met everyone. 460 00:27:57,780 --> 00:27:59,293 Peter of course you know. Maggie. 461 00:27:59,660 --> 00:28:01,890 Sarah, Roger and... 462 00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:03,738 - I want to say Ebenezer... - Brian. 463 00:28:03,900 --> 00:28:07,415 Brian, I'm so sorry. Brian's such a close second behind Ebenezer. 464 00:28:07,740 --> 00:28:08,616 Hello, everybody. 465 00:28:08,780 --> 00:28:10,850 I've met Brian. I'm surprised you're here. 466 00:28:11,020 --> 00:28:13,454 I thought you'd be carrying bags somewhere. 467 00:28:16,780 --> 00:28:19,738 - What does she mean? - It's all right, a private joke. 468 00:28:24,340 --> 00:28:27,013 - Hi, I'm Carol. - Carol who took our Andrew away. 469 00:28:27,180 --> 00:28:29,216 Would you like him back? It can be arranged. 470 00:28:31,020 --> 00:28:32,214 Everything's fine at home. 471 00:28:32,740 --> 00:28:33,695 I know. 472 00:28:36,180 --> 00:28:39,013 Paul, would you be a blessed poppet and wine everybody up? 473 00:28:40,620 --> 00:28:42,770 Well, I'd just like to say... 474 00:28:42,940 --> 00:28:44,931 before the festivities begin. 475 00:28:45,180 --> 00:28:46,090 Just a little. 476 00:28:46,260 --> 00:28:49,297 I haven't had alcohol since I was pregnant with the twins. 477 00:28:50,500 --> 00:28:51,615 I'd just like to... 478 00:28:51,780 --> 00:28:54,294 None for me and none for him. We are A.A. 479 00:28:55,660 --> 00:28:57,810 - Yes, well, I'd say, and intend to... - Sorry. 480 00:28:57,980 --> 00:28:59,333 Red, thanks. 481 00:29:01,820 --> 00:29:03,936 - Yes well, you... - White for me, please. 482 00:29:04,100 --> 00:29:04,691 I'm sorry. 483 00:29:05,460 --> 00:29:06,415 No, really... 484 00:29:06,580 --> 00:29:08,298 All I wanted to say... 485 00:29:08,900 --> 00:29:11,778 was what I can think of no finer, fluffier, 486 00:29:12,220 --> 00:29:14,688 shiner people 487 00:29:14,900 --> 00:29:17,858 to see the New Year in with your good selves. 488 00:29:18,220 --> 00:29:21,576 And I'd like you all to raise your glasses... 489 00:29:23,820 --> 00:29:27,130 to old friends who should see each other more often. 490 00:29:27,460 --> 00:29:29,769 - To old friends - And their wives. 491 00:29:29,940 --> 00:29:31,168 And their wives. 492 00:29:41,420 --> 00:29:44,412 I warn you girls, it is swimming in cream. 493 00:29:44,660 --> 00:29:46,935 Don't get me wrong. 494 00:29:49,220 --> 00:29:51,814 If I'm looking kind of dazzled. 495 00:29:54,100 --> 00:29:56,898 I see neon lights. 496 00:29:58,340 --> 00:30:00,979 Whenever you walk by. 497 00:30:02,740 --> 00:30:05,015 Don't get me wrong. 498 00:30:07,340 --> 00:30:10,218 If I split life like a fruitcake. 499 00:30:12,060 --> 00:30:14,779 I'm only after one thing. 500 00:30:16,660 --> 00:30:19,458 Across the moonlit night. 501 00:30:22,340 --> 00:30:23,693 Once in a while... 502 00:30:24,500 --> 00:30:26,138 two people meet, 503 00:30:27,260 --> 00:30:30,218 pass on the street. 504 00:30:31,820 --> 00:30:33,048 Suddenly thunder... 505 00:30:33,620 --> 00:30:35,417 showers everywhere. 506 00:30:35,700 --> 00:30:37,816 Who can explain the thunder and rain, 507 00:30:37,980 --> 00:30:40,448 but there's something in the air. 508 00:30:47,540 --> 00:30:48,655 Delicious. 509 00:30:50,340 --> 00:30:52,729 So, Carol, tell me all about Hollywood. 510 00:30:52,900 --> 00:30:54,811 There's nothing to tell, really. 511 00:30:54,980 --> 00:30:57,096 It's a factory town, like Detroit. 512 00:30:57,260 --> 00:31:00,332 Hollywood is a community that churns out entertainment. 513 00:31:00,500 --> 00:31:03,776 Can I just say that I love "Who's in The Kitchen?" 514 00:31:03,940 --> 00:31:05,498 Thank you very much. 515 00:31:06,140 --> 00:31:08,700 I'm embarrassed to say I haven't seen it, sorry. 516 00:31:08,860 --> 00:31:10,851 I haven't had a chance to watch it yet either. 517 00:31:11,020 --> 00:31:12,453 - When's it on? - It's on at four. 518 00:31:12,620 --> 00:31:14,770 I'm glad none of you have seen it. Because it's shit. 519 00:31:14,940 --> 00:31:16,009 It's not shit. 520 00:31:16,180 --> 00:31:17,818 It's shit with a capital "sh". 521 00:31:17,980 --> 00:31:20,175 It's number 3 in the ratings. 522 00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:22,968 I was interested to hear you describe Hollywood 523 00:31:23,140 --> 00:31:24,732 as a community, Carol. 524 00:31:24,900 --> 00:31:27,858 I mean all those high fences, and security patrols and... 525 00:31:28,020 --> 00:31:30,375 nobody ever talking to each other. 526 00:31:30,540 --> 00:31:32,929 I was reminded of that remark by Chesterton. 527 00:31:33,100 --> 00:31:34,931 "A truly adventurous person 528 00:31:35,100 --> 00:31:37,375 wouldn't cross the globe or climb mountains. 529 00:31:37,540 --> 00:31:39,815 He'd just jump over the his neighbour's fence". 530 00:31:39,980 --> 00:31:43,370 The real test of an individual's character 531 00:31:43,540 --> 00:31:46,054 is to be dropped down a random chimney... 532 00:31:46,220 --> 00:31:49,257 and to be able to get on with the set of people he finds there. 533 00:31:49,420 --> 00:31:52,173 If you think about it, that's what happens to us when we're born. 534 00:31:52,340 --> 00:31:55,537 We have to get on with the strangers we find there. 535 00:31:55,700 --> 00:31:57,975 Isn't typical of Chesterton thought to describe a... 536 00:31:58,140 --> 00:32:00,335 chimney as a kind of uterus. 537 00:32:00,500 --> 00:32:02,252 Typical, it's really typical. 538 00:32:04,700 --> 00:32:05,849 Sarah... 539 00:32:06,340 --> 00:32:09,138 Would you like a special room set aside or something? 540 00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:10,733 I'm sorry. 541 00:32:11,580 --> 00:32:15,368 We haven't been together long. Sometimes we get carried away. 542 00:32:16,300 --> 00:32:17,858 That's very romantic. 543 00:32:18,020 --> 00:32:21,933 The first time we fucked each other was in a phone box. 544 00:32:26,180 --> 00:32:29,490 Brian is in the production of "Cherry Orchard" I'm costuming. 545 00:32:29,660 --> 00:32:32,333 And it is not a patch on "Who's in The Kitchen". 546 00:32:32,500 --> 00:32:35,298 Actually, I based it on the "The Cherry Orchard". 547 00:32:35,460 --> 00:32:36,495 Extraordinary coincidence. 548 00:32:36,660 --> 00:32:39,094 - Can I just make a phone call? - Of course. 549 00:32:40,820 --> 00:32:42,014 Sorry. 550 00:32:43,660 --> 00:32:46,333 - How is everything, Rog? - Well, it's... 551 00:32:46,500 --> 00:32:48,252 So Rog, what do you do? 552 00:32:48,420 --> 00:32:50,536 I'm a jingle writer. 553 00:32:50,700 --> 00:32:53,419 Those funny little tunes at the end of commercials? 554 00:32:53,780 --> 00:32:56,248 Actually, Roger and Mary are 555 00:32:56,420 --> 00:32:59,253 the number one jingle writers in England, Brian. 556 00:32:59,420 --> 00:33:00,375 - Really? - Yes. 557 00:33:00,540 --> 00:33:02,815 - No, not number one. - Isn't that brilliant? 558 00:33:02,980 --> 00:33:05,130 What are you working on now? 559 00:33:05,300 --> 00:33:06,892 Is it, you know, top secret? 560 00:33:07,060 --> 00:33:09,415 It's a new coffee campaign. 561 00:33:09,580 --> 00:33:11,491 Can you sing it for us? 562 00:33:11,660 --> 00:33:13,013 - Sing it for us now. - No, no. 563 00:33:13,180 --> 00:33:15,410 Please, go on. All right then. 564 00:33:15,580 --> 00:33:17,093 I'll do one. 565 00:33:17,260 --> 00:33:19,615 So name me a product. 566 00:33:20,940 --> 00:33:23,010 Oh right, I'll tell you what, I'll do an airline. 567 00:33:23,340 --> 00:33:24,455 Fine, right, here we go. 568 00:33:25,860 --> 00:33:27,896 Fly high. 569 00:33:30,340 --> 00:33:32,058 Fly with us. 570 00:33:33,460 --> 00:33:34,734 Come on, that's all right. 571 00:33:34,900 --> 00:33:37,698 Have to work on it a bit to get it to rhyme, but it's okay. 572 00:33:37,860 --> 00:33:41,216 So how much would you make for doing one of those? 573 00:33:41,580 --> 00:33:42,729 I make a living. 574 00:33:42,900 --> 00:33:45,130 Did you always want to be a jingle writer? 575 00:33:45,300 --> 00:33:47,177 - No, but... - I always wanted to be an actor. 576 00:33:47,340 --> 00:33:48,170 Did you? 577 00:33:48,340 --> 00:33:50,012 It's terribly funny. 578 00:33:50,180 --> 00:33:52,569 You are not at all the way I thought you'd be. 579 00:33:52,740 --> 00:33:54,412 'Cause you seem really nice. 580 00:33:54,580 --> 00:33:56,855 And from everything I've read about you in the newspapers, 581 00:33:57,020 --> 00:33:58,055 I thought you'd be... 582 00:34:00,500 --> 00:34:01,455 other. 583 00:34:03,220 --> 00:34:04,335 Other? 584 00:34:05,660 --> 00:34:07,298 Everything's fine. 585 00:34:07,860 --> 00:34:10,090 Just hearing about your jingle writing. 586 00:34:10,260 --> 00:34:13,969 How do you do that, a career and twins? 587 00:34:14,140 --> 00:34:16,051 In fact I was going to ask you... 588 00:34:16,220 --> 00:34:19,178 whether you use your twins in your commercials? 589 00:34:19,340 --> 00:34:21,410 I know very often in the movies they do use twins. 590 00:34:21,580 --> 00:34:24,572 Like when one twin starts to go off... 591 00:34:24,900 --> 00:34:26,492 - they just bring in the other one. - Brian! 592 00:34:29,820 --> 00:34:31,048 Excuse me. 593 00:34:37,500 --> 00:34:38,933 Sorry, what? 594 00:34:40,220 --> 00:34:41,972 One of our twins died. 595 00:34:48,380 --> 00:34:51,292 I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. 596 00:34:53,500 --> 00:34:55,809 It's not like me to put my foot in it. 597 00:34:58,620 --> 00:35:00,178 I've got it, 598 00:35:00,460 --> 00:35:01,495 Listen... 599 00:35:01,860 --> 00:35:03,930 Fly high. 600 00:35:04,180 --> 00:35:06,853 Fly with me and happy you'll be. 601 00:35:11,820 --> 00:35:13,936 How much would I get paid for that? 602 00:35:14,100 --> 00:35:16,694 Somewhere in the region of 12 millions pounds. 603 00:35:17,580 --> 00:35:19,969 Oh, Vera, that looks delicious. What are they? 604 00:35:20,140 --> 00:35:22,370 "Petit Fours". My very own recipe. 605 00:35:22,540 --> 00:35:24,895 None for me thank you. Four's my unlucky number. 606 00:35:25,060 --> 00:35:26,618 Do you have "Petit Fives"? 607 00:35:26,900 --> 00:35:28,333 It's a joke. 608 00:35:28,500 --> 00:35:31,139 - Do you have any fresh fruit? - Yes, it's in the kitchen. 609 00:35:32,260 --> 00:35:33,932 That could be really good, Carol. 610 00:35:34,100 --> 00:35:37,331 If you went in the kitchen and you dropped something... 611 00:35:37,780 --> 00:35:40,248 you made a noise, then we could say... 612 00:35:40,420 --> 00:35:41,978 "Who's in the kitchen?" 613 00:36:01,180 --> 00:36:02,454 I thought now would be a good time, 614 00:36:02,620 --> 00:36:04,975 to get out the presents. 615 00:36:05,140 --> 00:36:06,653 Sarah and Brian... 616 00:36:06,820 --> 00:36:08,776 I'm sorry, Maggie. I didn't get you anything. 617 00:36:08,940 --> 00:36:11,056 I didn't get anyone else anything either. 618 00:36:11,220 --> 00:36:13,893 Mags, Christmas was last week. 619 00:36:14,060 --> 00:36:16,574 Well you know, call them New Year presents. 620 00:36:16,740 --> 00:36:18,537 Well New Year's Eve's tomorrow, Maggie. 621 00:36:18,700 --> 00:36:21,294 Is this an English tradition I don't know about? 622 00:36:21,460 --> 00:36:23,769 We always celebrate December 30th. 623 00:36:23,940 --> 00:36:26,215 They're only little. Don't make such a fuss. 624 00:36:26,380 --> 00:36:28,336 We didn't get you anything. 625 00:36:29,820 --> 00:36:31,970 Look just take the fucking presents. 626 00:36:48,900 --> 00:36:50,618 - Shall I get that? - No. 627 00:36:51,420 --> 00:36:53,058 It'll be for Peter. Leave it. 628 00:36:56,180 --> 00:36:57,249 I can't. 629 00:36:59,180 --> 00:37:02,695 Look, it's a naughty book. "Erotic Eastern Art". 630 00:37:02,860 --> 00:37:03,656 Yeah. 631 00:37:06,540 --> 00:37:07,416 Yeah? 632 00:37:07,820 --> 00:37:09,538 Maggie's fine? 633 00:37:10,300 --> 00:37:11,574 Bit embarrassed. 634 00:37:12,300 --> 00:37:13,813 Don't mention it. 635 00:37:14,700 --> 00:37:16,258 Who was that on the phone? 636 00:37:16,420 --> 00:37:18,934 Mary got it. She thought it might be the babysitter. 637 00:37:22,340 --> 00:37:24,092 Brian, it's for you. 638 00:37:25,220 --> 00:37:26,653 It's your wife. 639 00:37:29,820 --> 00:37:31,014 Christ! 640 00:37:39,140 --> 00:37:41,335 Oh, Maggie! 641 00:37:41,500 --> 00:37:44,139 - Thanks. - Maggie, this is lovely. 642 00:37:44,780 --> 00:37:47,533 So, Catch of the Day is married, is he? 643 00:37:47,700 --> 00:37:49,850 Who? Brian, married? 644 00:37:50,020 --> 00:37:52,215 Not really. He wants to divorce her. 645 00:37:52,380 --> 00:37:54,371 He left her one before he met me, 646 00:37:54,540 --> 00:37:55,768 for a whole weekend. 647 00:37:57,220 --> 00:37:58,335 They don't sleep together. 648 00:37:59,580 --> 00:38:00,774 They don't. 649 00:38:00,980 --> 00:38:03,858 He was going to tell her, but didn't want to spoil Christmas for the kid. 650 00:38:04,020 --> 00:38:05,976 - They've got a kid? - A little boy. 651 00:38:06,140 --> 00:38:08,608 That's why he didn't leave her years ago. For Nicholas' shake. 652 00:38:08,780 --> 00:38:10,418 Sarah! 653 00:38:10,820 --> 00:38:12,538 I don't know how she found out he was here. 654 00:38:12,700 --> 00:38:14,770 She thinks he's rehearsing in Reading. 655 00:38:14,940 --> 00:38:16,817 Don't you think we look great together? 656 00:38:17,620 --> 00:38:19,258 You never change, do you? 657 00:38:19,420 --> 00:38:20,489 What do you mean? 658 00:38:20,660 --> 00:38:22,616 Don't get me wrong. I'm not condemning you. 659 00:38:22,780 --> 00:38:24,418 I hope it works out. 660 00:38:24,580 --> 00:38:25,899 I just don't know where you find the energy. 661 00:38:26,460 --> 00:38:27,973 I can barely get round the supermarket. 662 00:38:30,420 --> 00:38:32,695 - It'll work out. - Well, I hope so. 663 00:38:32,860 --> 00:38:35,328 This one's different. He really loves me. 664 00:38:35,500 --> 00:38:37,331 I don't know you very well, Sarah. 665 00:38:37,500 --> 00:38:40,697 You're very pretty and I'm sure you do marvellous things to his dick, 666 00:38:40,860 --> 00:38:43,613 but believe me, they will never leave their wife and kids. 667 00:38:44,340 --> 00:38:45,568 Brian will. 668 00:38:45,740 --> 00:38:47,412 This time it's different. 669 00:38:47,580 --> 00:38:50,538 You always think that and it's always the same. 670 00:38:50,700 --> 00:38:52,611 Remember how in love you were with Andrew 671 00:38:52,780 --> 00:38:55,772 until he left that girl Carrie and got engaged to you? 672 00:38:55,940 --> 00:38:58,329 Then you couldn't get rid of him fast enough. 673 00:38:58,500 --> 00:38:59,649 Could she, Andrew? 674 00:39:02,340 --> 00:39:05,855 I can't remember. It was a long time ago. 675 00:39:06,020 --> 00:39:07,294 It was, you know... 676 00:39:07,940 --> 00:39:10,534 a different lifetime. Thanks. 677 00:39:14,780 --> 00:39:16,338 I've left my wife. 678 00:39:17,780 --> 00:39:18,815 Darling! 679 00:39:24,300 --> 00:39:27,133 I've told her about us. I've told her everything. 680 00:39:27,780 --> 00:39:31,375 Which of you friends of little faith would like to apologise first? 681 00:39:31,540 --> 00:39:34,134 Good luck to both of you. I'm going to bed. 682 00:39:34,300 --> 00:39:37,212 Thank you for dinner, Peter. I enjoyed watching it. 683 00:39:37,660 --> 00:39:39,935 Now you have two to choose from, Sarah. 684 00:39:40,100 --> 00:39:42,056 Thanks, Mary. Thanks a lot. 685 00:39:45,260 --> 00:39:47,296 Thank God. Now I can have a fag. 686 00:39:47,460 --> 00:39:49,690 I'm not angry. I'm just embarrassed. 687 00:39:49,860 --> 00:39:52,294 Is there anyone else down there you used to sleep with? 688 00:39:52,460 --> 00:39:54,928 It was 10 years ago! You were married to someone else. 689 00:39:55,100 --> 00:39:57,170 That is not the point. I did not try to keep it a secret. 690 00:39:57,340 --> 00:39:58,455 I didn't try to keep it a secret. 691 00:39:58,620 --> 00:40:00,656 I just didn't think it was worth mentioning. 692 00:40:00,820 --> 00:40:03,175 You were engaged to that fuck-monster 693 00:40:03,340 --> 00:40:05,615 and didn't think it was worth mentioning? 694 00:40:05,780 --> 00:40:06,929 No, I didn't. 695 00:40:07,100 --> 00:40:09,375 - So she was a fuck-monster. - I did not say that. 696 00:40:09,540 --> 00:40:10,973 You did not deny it. 697 00:40:11,580 --> 00:40:14,413 - Do you still have feelings for her? - Look, she's my friend. 698 00:40:14,580 --> 00:40:17,617 She is my very screwed up friend who I am very fond of. 699 00:40:17,780 --> 00:40:21,329 She has a problem getting involved with anyone available. 700 00:40:21,500 --> 00:40:23,297 - That's all. - And what are you? 701 00:40:23,460 --> 00:40:24,370 I'm unavailable. 702 00:40:24,540 --> 00:40:26,770 And what is Brian, now that he has left his wife? 703 00:40:26,940 --> 00:40:29,215 - He's available. - So, where does that leave me? 704 00:40:29,380 --> 00:40:31,769 Sitting at the edge of the bed. 705 00:40:32,460 --> 00:40:34,974 You're being totally irrational. 706 00:40:35,140 --> 00:40:36,255 What the fuck is this? 707 00:40:36,420 --> 00:40:39,059 Are you angry because I didn't mention I was engaged to Sarah, 708 00:40:39,220 --> 00:40:41,450 or are you angry because you're married to me? 709 00:40:41,620 --> 00:40:42,575 I don't know! 710 00:40:44,780 --> 00:40:48,693 Carol, let's try not to make a big deal out of this. 711 00:40:50,300 --> 00:40:53,053 I guess if we were sleeping together, I wouldn't. 712 00:40:54,380 --> 00:40:58,089 I thought we using this vacation to try and work things out. 713 00:40:59,380 --> 00:41:01,371 How are we going to do that here? 714 00:41:01,980 --> 00:41:03,936 I'm stuck here in a freezing drawing room 715 00:41:04,100 --> 00:41:06,489 with the cast of Masterpiece Theatre. 716 00:41:06,660 --> 00:41:09,049 Exactly how far do you think we are going to get? 717 00:41:09,220 --> 00:41:12,576 They are my best friends. I live in California. 718 00:41:13,020 --> 00:41:15,329 I see them once every century. 719 00:41:16,460 --> 00:41:19,418 Well, if that's what's important to you, 720 00:41:19,860 --> 00:41:22,010 then go down and visit them. 721 00:41:22,620 --> 00:41:24,133 I'm going to bed. 722 00:41:34,380 --> 00:41:37,133 Remember that cabaret we did in Bradford? 723 00:41:38,980 --> 00:41:40,299 That horrible thing. 724 00:41:40,460 --> 00:41:42,894 We went on after The Fabulous Poodles. 725 00:41:43,060 --> 00:41:46,257 Now there was a band. What happened to them? 726 00:41:46,420 --> 00:41:48,536 Don't know. But we went on after them. 727 00:41:48,700 --> 00:41:51,294 Peter was in the middle. It was his opening monologue, 728 00:41:51,460 --> 00:41:53,337 and someone threw a glass. 729 00:41:53,500 --> 00:41:54,489 And Peter said: 730 00:41:54,660 --> 00:41:57,379 "If that happens again, we're going straight home". 731 00:41:58,980 --> 00:42:00,811 Hundreds of glasses. 732 00:42:02,820 --> 00:42:04,617 - Hello, loves. - Andrew... 733 00:42:05,140 --> 00:42:06,732 I hope I didn't drop you in the poo. 734 00:42:06,900 --> 00:42:09,539 Don't worry, darling. I live in the poo. 735 00:42:09,700 --> 00:42:11,019 Couldn't matter less. 736 00:42:11,660 --> 00:42:14,015 But I am going to have a drink. 737 00:42:14,340 --> 00:42:15,250 Andrew... 738 00:42:16,060 --> 00:42:17,288 A soft drink. 739 00:42:20,620 --> 00:42:22,690 Now, are you telling revue stories? 740 00:42:22,860 --> 00:42:24,532 Guilty, I'm afraid. 741 00:42:24,700 --> 00:42:27,692 - Remember Bradford? - We've just done Bradford. 742 00:42:27,860 --> 00:42:30,249 Do one of those songs you used to do. 743 00:42:30,420 --> 00:42:33,218 Look, if you won't tell me your top secret coffee jingle, 744 00:42:33,380 --> 00:42:35,177 then at least you can do that. 745 00:42:35,340 --> 00:42:36,136 Go on, Rog. 746 00:42:38,820 --> 00:42:41,618 Roger, I did have the piano tuned in your honour. 747 00:42:43,180 --> 00:42:44,579 - Go on! - All right then. 748 00:42:44,980 --> 00:42:46,208 Only if Mary will sing. 749 00:42:46,380 --> 00:42:48,575 No, no. I can't, I can't. 750 00:42:48,740 --> 00:42:50,298 All right. 751 00:42:54,780 --> 00:42:57,658 - So, what's it to be? - Something slow and squidgy. 752 00:42:58,300 --> 00:43:00,177 - A bit of the...? - Yes, yes. 753 00:43:02,380 --> 00:43:03,779 How does it start? 754 00:43:04,060 --> 00:43:05,652 Good evening everybody. 755 00:43:05,820 --> 00:43:07,572 And welcome... 756 00:43:09,740 --> 00:43:11,731 Some day... 757 00:43:12,460 --> 00:43:15,020 when I'm awfully low. 758 00:43:16,780 --> 00:43:18,657 ... cold. 759 00:43:19,260 --> 00:43:21,296 I will feel aglow 760 00:43:21,460 --> 00:43:24,930 just thinking of you. 761 00:43:26,180 --> 00:43:31,015 And the way you look tonight. 762 00:43:35,460 --> 00:43:38,930 Oh, but you're lovely! 763 00:43:40,100 --> 00:43:42,694 With your smile so warm. 764 00:43:43,660 --> 00:43:45,855 And your cheeks so soft. 765 00:43:46,900 --> 00:43:52,258 There is nothing for me but to love you. 766 00:43:53,820 --> 00:43:57,779 Just the way you look tonight. 767 00:44:03,820 --> 00:44:08,974 With each word your tenderness grows. 768 00:44:10,300 --> 00:44:14,339 Tearing my fear apart. 769 00:44:16,740 --> 00:44:19,413 And each laugh 770 00:44:19,900 --> 00:44:22,698 that wrinkles your nose. 771 00:44:23,620 --> 00:44:28,171 Touches my foolish heart. 772 00:44:29,860 --> 00:44:32,579 Lovely. 773 00:44:33,340 --> 00:44:35,615 Never, never change. 774 00:44:36,700 --> 00:44:39,214 Keep thy breathless charm. 775 00:44:40,140 --> 00:44:42,176 Won't you please arrange it. 776 00:44:42,340 --> 00:44:45,537 For I love you. 777 00:44:46,300 --> 00:44:50,612 Just the way you look tonight. 778 00:44:55,020 --> 00:44:57,011 Never, never change. 779 00:44:57,980 --> 00:45:00,130 Keep thy breathless charm. 780 00:45:00,300 --> 00:45:02,256 Won't you please arrange it. 781 00:45:02,420 --> 00:45:05,298 For I love you. 782 00:45:06,580 --> 00:45:10,209 Just the way you look... 783 00:45:10,860 --> 00:45:13,977 tonight. 784 00:45:20,540 --> 00:45:22,531 Now do the coffee jingle. 785 00:45:26,940 --> 00:45:28,532 Oh, God! 786 00:45:32,780 --> 00:45:35,214 Everybody's in show business over there. 787 00:45:35,380 --> 00:45:37,416 Look we need a plumber the other day. 788 00:45:37,580 --> 00:45:39,810 I knew we were in trouble when his van arrives 789 00:45:39,980 --> 00:45:42,619 "Plumber to the Stars" on the top. 790 00:45:42,780 --> 00:45:45,897 Git walks in wearing the silliest wig you've ever seen, 791 00:45:46,060 --> 00:45:48,449 and hands me a script he's written 792 00:45:48,620 --> 00:45:51,214 for "Who's In The Kitchen?" 793 00:45:51,380 --> 00:45:54,053 - "Plumber". - You are joking! 794 00:45:56,340 --> 00:45:58,012 Excuse me, Peter. 795 00:45:58,180 --> 00:46:00,569 I can't find the television in my room. Where would it be? 796 00:46:01,620 --> 00:46:03,451 I'm terribly sorry, I'm afraid there isn't one. 797 00:46:03,620 --> 00:46:05,258 Then can I borrow someone else's? 798 00:46:05,420 --> 00:46:07,092 I can't go to sleep unless I'm watching television. 799 00:46:07,260 --> 00:46:09,820 No, I'm afraid there isn't one in the house. 800 00:46:09,980 --> 00:46:12,335 My father wasn't a big fan. 801 00:46:12,500 --> 00:46:15,697 - I'm sure there's a radio somewhere. - That's all right. I'll read. 802 00:46:17,780 --> 00:46:19,008 Does anyone have a book? 803 00:46:28,340 --> 00:46:30,456 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. 804 00:46:38,340 --> 00:46:39,409 Oh, my Lord! 805 00:46:39,580 --> 00:46:40,979 I'm leaving now, Peter. 806 00:46:41,140 --> 00:46:43,779 Vera! What I can say? Magnificent dinner. 807 00:46:46,540 --> 00:46:49,134 Paul and I'll be up after breakfast tomorrow. 808 00:46:49,300 --> 00:46:51,416 - Why don't you stay for a drink? - Perhaps tomorrow night. 809 00:46:51,580 --> 00:46:53,855 - Thank you, Vera. - I'll be off home now. 810 00:46:54,020 --> 00:46:56,011 Goodnight all. Goodnight. 811 00:46:56,860 --> 00:46:59,533 I think Roger and I ought to be off to bed. 812 00:47:00,420 --> 00:47:01,535 But it's only 10 o'clock. 813 00:47:01,700 --> 00:47:03,452 It was a long ride up. 814 00:47:03,620 --> 00:47:06,293 Better pace ourselves. We're not 22 any more. 815 00:47:06,460 --> 00:47:08,576 - Sarah was 24. - Shut up. 816 00:47:15,620 --> 00:47:17,099 Right, well I'll go. 817 00:47:19,740 --> 00:47:22,049 Brian, How many wives do you have? 818 00:47:23,980 --> 00:47:25,493 I'm not going to panic. Isn't for me. 819 00:47:26,060 --> 00:47:27,812 Okay. Night, night. 820 00:47:27,980 --> 00:47:29,857 Sleep well. 821 00:47:32,260 --> 00:47:34,171 Mary, it's for you. It's your babysitter. 822 00:47:37,700 --> 00:47:39,531 What did she say? How did she sound? 823 00:47:39,700 --> 00:47:41,531 Absolutely fine. 824 00:47:41,700 --> 00:47:44,214 She just asked if she could speak to Mary. 825 00:47:44,500 --> 00:47:45,216 Christ! 826 00:47:45,380 --> 00:47:48,338 I don't know when this constant panic is going to end. 827 00:47:49,420 --> 00:47:50,614 It's been 9 months now. 828 00:47:50,780 --> 00:47:53,578 There's a book I'll send you when I get back to London. 829 00:47:53,740 --> 00:47:55,219 You just have to be patient. 830 00:47:55,380 --> 00:47:58,099 It's the worst thing that can happen to a woman to lose a baby. 831 00:47:58,260 --> 00:48:00,569 Why is it the worst thing can happen to a woman? What about man? 832 00:48:00,740 --> 00:48:03,049 Why does everyone think that nothing happens to the man? 833 00:48:03,220 --> 00:48:06,257 Just 'cause I didn't birth to him doesn't mean I don't... 834 00:48:07,540 --> 00:48:09,292 that I didn't love him. 835 00:48:13,620 --> 00:48:16,817 But this constant sense of fucking doom in the air. 836 00:48:17,140 --> 00:48:18,937 Ben is normal healthy child, 837 00:48:19,100 --> 00:48:22,490 and if he even sniffles it's the end of the fucking world. 838 00:48:25,700 --> 00:48:26,849 I'm sorry. 839 00:48:27,020 --> 00:48:29,011 It's not your problem. 840 00:48:29,180 --> 00:48:29,930 Don't be silly. 841 00:48:30,100 --> 00:48:32,011 I'm sorry Rog, I didn't mean to imply... 842 00:48:32,180 --> 00:48:34,899 No, no, it's me, it's Mary. Sorry. 843 00:48:40,420 --> 00:48:42,058 Ben has a slight temperature. 844 00:48:42,220 --> 00:48:45,178 Brenda called the doctor and he came over and examined him immediately, 845 00:48:45,340 --> 00:48:48,298 and said it was nothing. Probably a little cold. 846 00:48:48,700 --> 00:48:49,815 Oh, good! 847 00:48:50,100 --> 00:48:53,251 That means we can all relax and enjoy the weekend. 848 00:48:53,420 --> 00:48:54,535 So, I think we should go home. 849 00:48:54,700 --> 00:48:56,656 You just said everything was fine. 850 00:48:56,820 --> 00:48:58,572 Do you think I can relax and enjoy the weekend when he has a temperature? 851 00:48:58,740 --> 00:49:01,413 Why don't you wait till tomorrow morning and then ring again? 852 00:49:01,580 --> 00:49:03,093 Well, it's obvious you don't have children. 853 00:49:03,260 --> 00:49:05,933 - Mary! - Well, that was unnecessary. 854 00:49:10,380 --> 00:49:12,132 None of us 855 00:49:12,700 --> 00:49:15,294 can possibly imagine what you've been through. 856 00:49:17,300 --> 00:49:19,416 And your over-reaction 857 00:49:19,580 --> 00:49:22,094 is understandable. 858 00:49:23,380 --> 00:49:25,769 But it is an over-reaction. 859 00:49:27,500 --> 00:49:29,695 We haven't seen you so long, 860 00:49:31,180 --> 00:49:34,650 and we'd just like to spend a bit of time with you. 861 00:49:36,540 --> 00:49:38,132 Now Sarah is right. 862 00:49:39,020 --> 00:49:42,535 Wait till the morning and ring again. 863 00:49:48,100 --> 00:49:49,453 All right. I'll try. 864 00:49:50,420 --> 00:49:52,376 I can't promise, but I'll try. 865 00:49:54,940 --> 00:49:56,771 I just get so worried... 866 00:49:57,580 --> 00:50:00,219 I'm sorry, sorry. 867 00:50:00,380 --> 00:50:01,972 It's all right. 868 00:50:02,140 --> 00:50:03,858 Sarah, I'm sorry. 869 00:50:06,460 --> 00:50:07,370 Let's talk about it upstairs. 870 00:50:08,100 --> 00:50:09,294 Night, night. 871 00:50:14,180 --> 00:50:15,898 Poor Roger and Mary. 872 00:50:16,660 --> 00:50:18,252 Well done, Mags. 873 00:50:18,780 --> 00:50:20,259 They'll work it out. 874 00:50:22,700 --> 00:50:25,692 Anyone want to come upstairs and sleep with Carol and I? 875 00:50:25,860 --> 00:50:27,771 - Pardon? - I'm not going up there. 876 00:50:27,940 --> 00:50:29,168 She'll kill me. 877 00:50:29,860 --> 00:50:31,896 I am so glad 878 00:50:32,060 --> 00:50:34,779 to have been instrumental in tarnishing absolutely 879 00:50:34,940 --> 00:50:36,532 everybody's relationships! 880 00:50:38,100 --> 00:50:39,499 Maggie, you and I seem to be the only two people 881 00:50:39,660 --> 00:50:41,298 who even vaguely get on with each other. 882 00:50:41,740 --> 00:50:44,459 - Will you marry me? - Yes. 883 00:50:47,020 --> 00:50:49,056 I now pronounce us man and wife. 884 00:50:55,580 --> 00:50:57,411 I'll tell you why I am hysterical. 885 00:50:57,580 --> 00:50:59,889 What if Ben dies? I won't be able to take it. 886 00:51:00,060 --> 00:51:02,415 So you're going to be there every second, the rest of his life? 887 00:51:02,580 --> 00:51:03,808 Yes, if I can, yes. 888 00:51:03,980 --> 00:51:06,369 You are not going to go to sleep. We're going to talk about this. 889 00:51:06,540 --> 00:51:08,053 We have talked about it. 890 00:51:08,220 --> 00:51:09,289 I can't! 891 00:51:09,460 --> 00:51:11,928 This is ruining our marriage. 892 00:51:12,100 --> 00:51:12,771 I don't think so. 893 00:51:12,940 --> 00:51:16,171 We have a problem and if we don't solve the problem, 894 00:51:16,340 --> 00:51:17,773 I don't know what we're going to do. 895 00:51:17,940 --> 00:51:19,339 Why don't you leave then? 896 00:51:26,820 --> 00:51:28,094 I've thought about it. 897 00:51:32,420 --> 00:51:34,888 - Moving out the house? - Moving out of the marriage. 898 00:51:39,900 --> 00:51:41,174 You'd leave me? 899 00:51:43,980 --> 00:51:46,175 I don't want to. Mary I love you. 900 00:51:49,500 --> 00:51:52,060 But since Simon died I feel like you hate me, 901 00:51:52,220 --> 00:51:54,495 and I can't live with someone who hates me. 902 00:51:54,660 --> 00:51:56,332 - I don't hate you. - It's like you blame me for this. 903 00:51:56,500 --> 00:51:58,775 - I loved Simon as much as you did. - I know. 904 00:51:58,940 --> 00:52:01,659 I feel you think there was something I could've done to keep him alive. 905 00:52:01,820 --> 00:52:04,015 If I had taken them to my mother's... 906 00:52:04,180 --> 00:52:06,136 - none of this would have happened. - I know. 907 00:52:06,300 --> 00:52:09,417 We didn't go to your mother's because I didn't want to. 908 00:52:09,580 --> 00:52:12,174 If we'd been in the same room we'd have noticed him not breathing. 909 00:52:12,340 --> 00:52:15,537 I wish something different had happened that night. 910 00:52:16,740 --> 00:52:18,696 I put the babies to bed. 911 00:52:21,300 --> 00:52:23,973 And I went into the next room and I watched television. 912 00:52:24,140 --> 00:52:26,210 I did the same thing that we'd done every night. 913 00:52:26,380 --> 00:52:27,733 It just happened. 914 00:52:30,140 --> 00:52:31,698 It's not my fault. 915 00:52:37,500 --> 00:52:38,694 I know. 916 00:52:42,100 --> 00:52:43,419 I know. 917 00:52:43,580 --> 00:52:45,138 I'm being unreasonable. 918 00:52:45,980 --> 00:52:47,698 And I know... 919 00:52:48,900 --> 00:52:50,811 I want to punish someone. 920 00:52:50,980 --> 00:52:53,938 I just want to blame someone 'cause it's so fucking unfair. 921 00:53:07,140 --> 00:53:08,095 Mary... 922 00:53:10,980 --> 00:53:12,254 we have Ben. 923 00:53:13,620 --> 00:53:15,690 We have each other. 924 00:53:17,500 --> 00:53:19,695 Simon will always be part of our lives. 925 00:53:19,860 --> 00:53:21,373 I'll never forget him. 926 00:53:24,660 --> 00:53:28,096 We're still very lucky people, 927 00:53:28,900 --> 00:53:31,368 and we've got a lot to be thankful for. 928 00:53:39,180 --> 00:53:40,738 Don't leave me. 929 00:53:43,380 --> 00:53:45,336 I won't leave you. 930 00:53:46,700 --> 00:53:48,179 I won't leave you. 931 00:53:53,900 --> 00:53:55,379 Sarah, when are you coming out? 932 00:53:59,660 --> 00:54:02,128 Are you sawing something in there? 933 00:54:10,740 --> 00:54:11,650 Right. 934 00:54:12,260 --> 00:54:15,536 Get that beautiful little arse over here. 935 00:54:17,380 --> 00:54:19,098 Brian, I'm very tired. 936 00:54:24,060 --> 00:54:26,620 I know just the thing... 937 00:54:26,940 --> 00:54:28,692 Brian... Don't! 938 00:54:29,820 --> 00:54:30,809 What's wrong? 939 00:54:31,700 --> 00:54:34,260 It's a very big step, leaving your wife. 940 00:54:34,420 --> 00:54:36,854 You could have consulted me first. 941 00:54:37,020 --> 00:54:39,898 You were the one who asked me to leave her in the first place. 942 00:54:40,180 --> 00:54:41,454 Not yet. 943 00:54:41,620 --> 00:54:44,453 We've only known each other two weeks. 944 00:54:44,940 --> 00:54:47,215 You said you knew right away. 945 00:54:47,820 --> 00:54:48,696 Brian... 946 00:54:49,940 --> 00:54:51,373 you've got a kid. 947 00:54:53,180 --> 00:54:54,818 He could live with us. 948 00:54:55,500 --> 00:54:57,456 I've not even met him. 949 00:54:59,860 --> 00:55:01,612 So that's your problem. 950 00:55:01,780 --> 00:55:04,169 You're worried that Nicholas won't like you? 951 00:55:05,260 --> 00:55:06,739 Well, don't worry. 952 00:55:07,740 --> 00:55:10,300 He will love you just as much as I do. 953 00:55:10,460 --> 00:55:11,256 Brian! 954 00:55:12,420 --> 00:55:14,376 I'm very tired. 955 00:55:31,060 --> 00:55:32,175 Peter! 956 00:55:36,460 --> 00:55:37,336 Who is it? 957 00:55:37,500 --> 00:55:40,253 Peter, it's me. Maggie. 958 00:55:41,020 --> 00:55:42,055 Maggie? 959 00:55:43,300 --> 00:55:44,335 What...? 960 00:55:52,140 --> 00:55:53,858 Maggie, is everything all right? 961 00:55:55,060 --> 00:55:57,733 Fill me with your little babies. 962 00:55:58,180 --> 00:55:59,659 Oh, my God! 963 00:56:00,980 --> 00:56:02,698 I think you'd better come inside. 964 00:56:04,260 --> 00:56:06,933 No, no, no, by all things godly, no! 965 00:56:07,100 --> 00:56:08,374 What are you doing? 966 00:56:08,540 --> 00:56:11,259 You have to give our relationship a chance. 967 00:56:11,420 --> 00:56:13,456 - What? - I've only just realised. 968 00:56:13,740 --> 00:56:14,855 I love you. 969 00:56:15,020 --> 00:56:18,808 Mags, I love you too, but we're friends. 970 00:56:19,140 --> 00:56:21,859 Exactly! We're perfect for each other. 971 00:56:22,100 --> 00:56:25,490 Most marriages are sparked off by a physical attraction 972 00:56:25,660 --> 00:56:27,412 that wears off within the first year. 973 00:56:27,580 --> 00:56:30,413 We've known each other for 10 years. We know we get along. 974 00:56:30,580 --> 00:56:33,014 We can learn to love each other sexually. 975 00:56:33,820 --> 00:56:35,299 It's perfect. 976 00:56:35,860 --> 00:56:38,533 No, please. Keep that on. 977 00:56:39,100 --> 00:56:40,931 Mags, I don't know what to say. 978 00:56:41,100 --> 00:56:43,819 Don't say anything. Just please give it a chance. 979 00:56:43,980 --> 00:56:46,289 Maggie, your offer is very tempting. 980 00:56:46,460 --> 00:56:49,736 I do not want to put our friendship in jeopardy. 981 00:56:59,140 --> 00:57:00,619 You just don't fancy me? 982 00:57:00,780 --> 00:57:02,338 No, no, no. 983 00:57:02,500 --> 00:57:04,889 Maggie, you're very attractive, 984 00:57:05,660 --> 00:57:07,298 and intelligent and sexy. 985 00:57:09,420 --> 00:57:11,854 How can I put this delicately? 986 00:57:12,140 --> 00:57:15,689 It's just that I'm not really in the vagina business. 987 00:57:16,980 --> 00:57:19,494 You slept with Sarah. I know you did. 988 00:57:19,660 --> 00:57:22,857 My dear, the Archbishop of Canterbury has slept with Sarah. 989 00:57:23,020 --> 00:57:24,419 And it was years ago. 990 00:57:24,700 --> 00:57:26,816 Are you telling me you're gay? 991 00:57:27,340 --> 00:57:31,333 Well, I never disguised the fact I'm a bit of a whoopsie, 992 00:57:32,420 --> 00:57:34,172 but to be honest with you, 993 00:57:34,340 --> 00:57:36,934 I think I'm what is commonly termed "bisexual". 994 00:57:37,100 --> 00:57:38,613 Which is by the by, 995 00:57:38,780 --> 00:57:41,977 because actually I no longer sleep with men or women. 996 00:57:43,780 --> 00:57:44,895 But if I did, 997 00:57:45,060 --> 00:57:47,733 I promise you'd be up there on my wish list, 998 00:57:47,900 --> 00:57:50,812 together with Michelle Pfeiffer and River Phoenix. 999 00:57:54,180 --> 00:57:55,738 I'm so embarrassed. 1000 00:57:57,620 --> 00:57:58,496 Look Maggie, 1001 00:57:58,660 --> 00:58:01,811 why don't you go back to your room, 1002 00:58:02,420 --> 00:58:04,615 and we'll pretend this never happened? 1003 00:58:06,500 --> 00:58:08,092 Don't tell anyone. 1004 00:58:08,580 --> 00:58:10,138 Not a soul. 1005 00:58:21,580 --> 00:58:25,732 You must understand through the touch of your hand 1006 00:58:26,020 --> 00:58:28,454 makes my pulse react. 1007 00:58:30,740 --> 00:58:33,300 That it's only the thrill, 1008 00:58:33,700 --> 00:58:35,611 boy meeting girl, 1009 00:58:35,780 --> 00:58:37,771 opposites attract. 1010 00:58:37,940 --> 00:58:39,976 It's physical. 1011 00:58:42,500 --> 00:58:46,857 You must try to ignore that it means more than that. 1012 00:58:48,380 --> 00:58:51,895 What's love got to do with it? 1013 00:58:52,860 --> 00:58:57,217 What's love but a second hand emotion? 1014 00:58:57,660 --> 00:59:01,130 What's love got to do with it? 1015 00:59:01,780 --> 00:59:05,693 Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken? 1016 00:59:06,460 --> 00:59:09,691 What's love got to do with it? 1017 00:59:10,740 --> 00:59:14,938 What's love but a sweet, old-fashioned notion? 1018 00:59:15,340 --> 00:59:18,776 What's love got to do with it? 1019 00:59:19,540 --> 00:59:23,658 Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken? 1020 00:59:41,300 --> 00:59:42,335 Hello. 1021 00:59:42,860 --> 00:59:43,690 Hello. 1022 00:59:48,180 --> 00:59:50,171 - What you doing? - Donkey kicks. 1023 00:59:50,460 --> 00:59:52,178 I've eaten everything in the place, 1024 00:59:52,340 --> 00:59:54,490 and I'm trying to work it off before morning. 1025 00:59:54,820 --> 00:59:55,855 I used to be bulimic. 1026 00:59:56,020 --> 00:59:58,818 A year ago I'd be in the bathroom throwing it all up. 1027 00:59:58,980 --> 01:00:00,299 I'm much healthier now. 1028 01:00:05,420 --> 01:00:06,773 What are you doing down here? 1029 01:00:08,980 --> 01:00:11,892 Just came down here to drink myself into a coma. 1030 01:00:13,300 --> 01:00:14,449 Get turned down by Peter? 1031 01:00:19,380 --> 01:00:21,098 It was all so embarrassing. 1032 01:00:22,900 --> 01:00:26,017 I wanted to kill myself. 1033 01:00:31,100 --> 01:00:33,819 Calm down and tell me what happened. 1034 01:00:35,820 --> 01:00:37,617 I can help you if you tell me. 1035 01:00:38,460 --> 01:00:41,258 I've had every man problem under the sun. 1036 01:00:43,060 --> 01:00:45,449 I don't think you'd understand. 1037 01:00:46,220 --> 01:00:49,929 Honey, therapists call me for advice. 1038 01:00:50,100 --> 01:00:51,419 This is different. 1039 01:00:52,020 --> 01:00:53,419 Different, schmifferent. 1040 01:00:53,740 --> 01:00:54,889 Talk to me. 1041 01:00:59,860 --> 01:01:01,851 He's a bisexual. 1042 01:01:03,340 --> 01:01:05,774 I was married to a bisexual. 1043 01:01:06,820 --> 01:01:07,696 Really? 1044 01:01:09,020 --> 01:01:10,214 What happened? 1045 01:01:10,980 --> 01:01:12,652 What happened? He left me. 1046 01:01:13,420 --> 01:01:15,934 For another woman. The ultimate put-down. 1047 01:01:24,620 --> 01:01:26,053 I'll run tomorrow. 1048 01:01:27,980 --> 01:01:29,413 So, tell me what happened. 1049 01:01:30,900 --> 01:01:32,572 I read this book... 1050 01:01:33,860 --> 01:01:36,658 which said that if... 1051 01:01:39,460 --> 01:01:41,291 you know someone already, 1052 01:01:41,460 --> 01:01:44,452 that was the ideal person with which to have 1053 01:01:44,940 --> 01:01:46,373 a long-lasting relationship. 1054 01:01:47,180 --> 01:01:48,329 Good theory. 1055 01:01:48,780 --> 01:01:51,852 So Peter is someone I love and trust. 1056 01:01:53,060 --> 01:01:53,856 And what happened? 1057 01:01:54,020 --> 01:01:55,692 The book said to be direct. 1058 01:01:55,860 --> 01:01:59,409 That subtle signals can be misconstrued. 1059 01:02:02,580 --> 01:02:05,572 So I went to his room and took my clothes off. 1060 01:02:06,980 --> 01:02:09,016 That's direct. What happened then? 1061 01:02:09,460 --> 01:02:12,497 He said he wasn't in the vagina business. 1062 01:02:14,020 --> 01:02:15,419 That's direct too. 1063 01:02:16,980 --> 01:02:19,813 Has Peter ever been in the vagina business? 1064 01:02:20,180 --> 01:02:22,171 Yes, he slept with Sarah. 1065 01:02:23,060 --> 01:02:25,972 There's a surprise. Was she engaged to Peter too? 1066 01:02:26,140 --> 01:02:28,017 No, they just had a brief affair. 1067 01:02:30,340 --> 01:02:31,773 Is Peter gay now? 1068 01:02:32,420 --> 01:02:34,138 I don't think so. 1069 01:02:36,500 --> 01:02:38,934 That's why I think there's still hope. 1070 01:02:40,300 --> 01:02:42,450 He isn't sleeping with anybody. 1071 01:02:43,620 --> 01:02:44,848 Neither am I. 1072 01:02:45,540 --> 01:02:47,974 Neither am I, but that's another story. 1073 01:02:48,140 --> 01:02:50,415 And I'm almost out of ice-cream. Okay. 1074 01:02:53,900 --> 01:02:56,494 Here's what I think you should do: 1075 01:02:57,780 --> 01:02:59,372 Let me make you over. 1076 01:02:59,540 --> 01:03:00,939 Make me over? 1077 01:03:01,460 --> 01:03:04,133 Maggie, you are a very pretty girl. 1078 01:03:04,300 --> 01:03:06,097 - No, I'm not. - Yes, you are. 1079 01:03:06,260 --> 01:03:07,579 - No, I'm not. - Yes! 1080 01:03:07,980 --> 01:03:10,574 But you make Mother Theresa look like a hooker. 1081 01:03:14,340 --> 01:03:16,171 Come on, loosen up. Have some fun. 1082 01:04:13,940 --> 01:04:15,453 Dear Lord, 1083 01:04:16,820 --> 01:04:18,378 give me strength 1084 01:04:19,980 --> 01:04:22,210 to carry on. 1085 01:04:23,620 --> 01:04:25,258 Maggie, it's me. Carol! 1086 01:04:25,860 --> 01:04:26,770 Quick! 1087 01:04:27,140 --> 01:04:28,937 Dear Lord, 1088 01:04:29,980 --> 01:04:31,732 give me strength 1089 01:04:33,500 --> 01:04:35,616 to carry on. 1090 01:04:39,820 --> 01:04:42,175 That all may be... 1091 01:04:43,420 --> 01:04:45,536 out on the highway. 1092 01:04:48,220 --> 01:04:51,656 All I've done and much more. 1093 01:04:53,980 --> 01:04:55,493 Please, 1094 01:04:56,740 --> 01:04:58,253 give me strength 1095 01:04:59,420 --> 01:05:01,695 to carry on. 1096 01:05:07,260 --> 01:05:08,978 Dear Lord, 1097 01:05:10,100 --> 01:05:12,216 give me strength 1098 01:05:14,340 --> 01:05:15,659 to carry on. 1099 01:05:15,820 --> 01:05:17,572 - Morning. - Hello, my darling. 1100 01:05:19,500 --> 01:05:21,855 I've written something that I want to show you. 1101 01:05:22,300 --> 01:05:24,131 It's called: 'Plumber'. 1102 01:05:25,020 --> 01:05:26,294 No, actually it's this. 1103 01:05:26,460 --> 01:05:28,655 I found this when I was moving some stuff up there. 1104 01:05:28,820 --> 01:05:31,732 It's that play we wrote. Well, the first half of it anyway. 1105 01:05:31,900 --> 01:05:33,731 - What's it like? - It's awful... 1106 01:05:34,180 --> 01:05:35,533 - with glimpses. - Oh, God! 1107 01:05:35,700 --> 01:05:39,056 I felt like a slimy bastard, running of to the States like that. 1108 01:05:39,220 --> 01:05:40,096 Did you mind? 1109 01:05:40,980 --> 01:05:42,208 Did I mind? 1110 01:05:42,820 --> 01:05:46,176 We'd invested 6 months in writing that, and you dropped it, 1111 01:05:46,340 --> 01:05:48,570 after one phone call from America. 1112 01:05:48,740 --> 01:05:51,174 - Why should I mind? - I'm so sorry, Peter. 1113 01:05:51,740 --> 01:05:53,412 Water under the bridge, my petal. 1114 01:05:53,580 --> 01:05:57,016 The first of many unfinished projects of which I litter the decade. 1115 01:05:57,180 --> 01:05:58,613 That's still a good joke. 1116 01:05:58,780 --> 01:06:00,816 Ruth says: "I've never fallen in love. 1117 01:06:00,980 --> 01:06:02,459 But I've stepped in it a few times". 1118 01:06:02,620 --> 01:06:05,214 The scene between the three of them, end of the first act... 1119 01:06:05,380 --> 01:06:07,052 It was good. It was yours. 1120 01:06:07,220 --> 01:06:08,778 Well, I've read worse. 1121 01:06:09,700 --> 01:06:12,737 Oh, my God! You look great! 1122 01:06:13,140 --> 01:06:15,574 Miss Perkins... you're beautiful. 1123 01:06:15,900 --> 01:06:17,128 You've been... 1124 01:06:17,300 --> 01:06:18,528 Christmas Caroled. 1125 01:06:18,700 --> 01:06:20,975 She has bones I would die for. 1126 01:06:21,140 --> 01:06:23,335 Well, breakfast anyone? 1127 01:06:24,620 --> 01:06:27,532 I'm starving, but I don't want to mess up my lipstick. 1128 01:06:27,700 --> 01:06:28,610 Or your bones. 1129 01:06:28,780 --> 01:06:32,216 I'm sure we could feed you eggs through a straw. 1130 01:06:32,380 --> 01:06:34,336 I'll just have some coffee. Do you have any 'Equal'? 1131 01:06:34,500 --> 01:06:36,616 I'm sorry, I'm famous for having no equal. 1132 01:06:36,780 --> 01:06:38,418 I've got some in my purse. 1133 01:06:39,020 --> 01:06:40,658 What the hell is that? 1134 01:06:41,740 --> 01:06:43,935 Is someone building a barn? 1135 01:06:45,340 --> 01:06:46,898 I think it must be Sarah and Brian. 1136 01:06:47,060 --> 01:06:48,812 I can't believe Sarah. 1137 01:06:48,980 --> 01:06:51,619 She seems to exist on a diet of fresh air and bonking. 1138 01:06:51,780 --> 01:06:53,259 You would know. 1139 01:06:54,460 --> 01:06:55,575 Morning, guys. 1140 01:06:56,740 --> 01:06:59,937 That's what I call an extremely long dick. 1141 01:07:03,300 --> 01:07:06,337 Well, if it isn't Sarah and Brian, is it us? 1142 01:07:07,380 --> 01:07:08,859 - Mags... - Yes? 1143 01:07:09,460 --> 01:07:11,451 - A new look. - It was Carol. 1144 01:07:16,260 --> 01:07:18,376 Then it can only be Roger and Mary. 1145 01:07:18,540 --> 01:07:21,452 I assume they resolved their differences last night. 1146 01:07:22,420 --> 01:07:24,331 This is the acid test. 1147 01:07:33,900 --> 01:07:35,094 Darlings! 1148 01:07:35,620 --> 01:07:37,770 Excuse me. I'd better go. 1149 01:07:40,660 --> 01:07:43,049 Where's Oscar Wilde this morning? 1150 01:07:43,780 --> 01:07:45,008 Lover Boy. 1151 01:07:45,180 --> 01:07:47,899 The Prince of Panache. Long Dong Silver. 1152 01:07:48,060 --> 01:07:50,335 He's taking a shower. A cold one, I hope. 1153 01:07:50,820 --> 01:07:53,732 Do I detect a hint of trouble in The Garden of Shag? 1154 01:07:53,900 --> 01:07:55,856 - Intermission. - Carol, it's for you. 1155 01:07:56,180 --> 01:07:58,455 From Los Angeles. Somebody called Bernie. 1156 01:07:58,620 --> 01:08:00,212 You told me you weren't giving anyone our number. 1157 01:08:00,380 --> 01:08:01,893 - Just Bernie. - Especially Bernie. 1158 01:08:02,060 --> 01:08:04,369 He said he would only call if it was an emergency. 1159 01:08:04,540 --> 01:08:06,656 Leftovers for breakfast everyone? 1160 01:08:08,340 --> 01:08:10,137 Where's all the food? 1161 01:08:10,460 --> 01:08:13,213 Vera wrapped it up and put it in there last night. 1162 01:08:13,380 --> 01:08:14,449 I saw her. 1163 01:08:14,620 --> 01:08:16,895 Food disappearing in the middle of the night. 1164 01:08:17,060 --> 01:08:18,334 I smell a Carol. 1165 01:08:18,500 --> 01:08:21,060 Not wishing to pry, but are you and she entirely happy together? 1166 01:08:21,220 --> 01:08:21,891 We're fine. 1167 01:08:22,060 --> 01:08:24,449 Just getting on each other's nerves a little. 1168 01:08:24,620 --> 01:08:25,450 I can relate. 1169 01:08:25,620 --> 01:08:27,133 Brian's getting on my nerves. 1170 01:08:27,300 --> 01:08:29,450 I hardly think my 3 year old marriage 1171 01:08:29,620 --> 01:08:31,656 compares to your 2 weeks old fuck fest. 1172 01:08:31,820 --> 01:08:32,935 I just commit very early. 1173 01:08:33,620 --> 01:08:36,180 The self knowledge of Zsa Zsa Gabor. 1174 01:08:36,340 --> 01:08:37,614 What do you mean by that? 1175 01:08:37,780 --> 01:08:39,975 That you are stuck in a recurring pattern. 1176 01:08:40,140 --> 01:08:41,892 You know those mice that go around on those little wheels? 1177 01:08:42,100 --> 01:08:43,738 Lmagine one wearing a tight leather skirt. 1178 01:08:43,900 --> 01:08:45,538 We can't all have our lives figured out as well as you do. 1179 01:08:45,700 --> 01:08:48,772 I didn't say that, I said I had your life figured out, love. 1180 01:08:48,940 --> 01:08:52,171 I'm sick of everyone judging everything I do. 1181 01:08:52,340 --> 01:08:53,978 I'm going for a walk. 1182 01:08:56,540 --> 01:08:59,259 That's a nice way to start the morning. 1183 01:08:59,420 --> 01:09:01,058 I'm sorry. I didn't mean it... 1184 01:09:01,220 --> 01:09:03,893 I'm sure you didn't mean to but I rather think you did. 1185 01:09:05,100 --> 01:09:06,977 What did Bernie have to say then? 1186 01:09:07,140 --> 01:09:09,256 Can I get you some eggs, toast? 1187 01:09:09,420 --> 01:09:11,809 - Must be bad. - I think I'll... 1188 01:09:13,420 --> 01:09:14,409 Okay. 1189 01:09:14,940 --> 01:09:16,976 Give it to me straight. I can take it. 1190 01:09:17,140 --> 01:09:18,971 It's a film, Andrew. 1191 01:09:19,660 --> 01:09:22,174 Shelley Long has dropped out. It's shooting in Montana. 1192 01:09:22,340 --> 01:09:23,853 And they said they need a fast replacement. 1193 01:09:24,020 --> 01:09:25,373 - When does it start shooting? - Monday. 1194 01:09:25,540 --> 01:09:27,292 Oh, Jesus, Carol you'd have to leave like... 1195 01:09:27,820 --> 01:09:29,412 There's a flight tonight. 1196 01:09:31,500 --> 01:09:34,412 - Lf you really want... - It's a film, Andrew. 1197 01:09:35,100 --> 01:09:37,694 It's a film. Well this is a marriage. 1198 01:09:38,180 --> 01:09:42,093 If I thought for one second that you intended to try... 1199 01:09:45,740 --> 01:09:46,775 Fine. 1200 01:09:47,740 --> 01:09:49,810 Then tell Bernie you'll take it. 1201 01:09:51,020 --> 01:09:51,975 Okay. 1202 01:09:54,420 --> 01:09:56,058 You already have, haven't you? 1203 01:09:57,180 --> 01:09:58,169 Great. 1204 01:10:00,260 --> 01:10:01,693 Morning. 1205 01:10:07,500 --> 01:10:10,060 - An airline pilot? - Fighter pilot. 1206 01:10:10,220 --> 01:10:12,415 What on earth would make you want to do that? 1207 01:10:12,580 --> 01:10:14,855 - Top Gun. - I'm sorry? 1208 01:10:15,300 --> 01:10:17,814 Top Gun. You seen it? 1209 01:10:17,980 --> 01:10:20,335 I've seen it 63 times. Bloody brilliant. 1210 01:10:20,500 --> 01:10:24,015 - Is that the one with Tom Cruise? - And Kelly McGillis. 1211 01:10:25,500 --> 01:10:28,492 She's what really made me want to became a fighter pilot, not him. 1212 01:10:28,660 --> 01:10:31,254 - Why? - I want to go to that school she runs. 1213 01:10:31,420 --> 01:10:34,969 For fighter pilots. That'd be bloody brilliant. 1214 01:10:35,220 --> 01:10:36,096 Hi. 1215 01:10:36,860 --> 01:10:38,009 Blimey! 1216 01:10:38,420 --> 01:10:39,933 Hello, Maggie. 1217 01:10:40,100 --> 01:10:41,692 What am I doing? 1218 01:10:48,540 --> 01:10:50,690 Let me say, since 1219 01:10:52,700 --> 01:10:55,214 we've been together, 1220 01:10:57,540 --> 01:10:59,610 loving you forever. 1221 01:11:01,140 --> 01:11:02,334 Naughty. 1222 01:11:03,540 --> 01:11:04,939 You frightened me. 1223 01:11:05,100 --> 01:11:06,499 I'm sorry, Sarah. 1224 01:11:08,740 --> 01:11:11,095 Sorry about this morning in the kitchen. 1225 01:11:11,820 --> 01:11:14,288 I didn't mean to be judgmental. 1226 01:11:14,500 --> 01:11:15,853 I'm certainly no-one to talk. 1227 01:11:16,020 --> 01:11:18,250 I was just sitting here trying to work exactly 1228 01:11:18,420 --> 01:11:19,739 how I ruined my life. 1229 01:11:19,900 --> 01:11:21,458 You think you're in trouble? 1230 01:11:21,620 --> 01:11:23,895 I just tried to fuck a six year old. 1231 01:11:24,060 --> 01:11:27,211 It's like kindergarten, school, university... 1232 01:11:27,380 --> 01:11:29,655 - black hole. - It's not that bad. 1233 01:11:29,820 --> 01:11:32,653 Yes it is. In fact, it's slightly worse than that. 1234 01:11:33,940 --> 01:11:35,453 Do you and Carol love each other? 1235 01:11:36,420 --> 01:11:37,614 I owe her a lot. 1236 01:11:37,980 --> 01:11:40,972 She hired me when a lot other people wouldn't touch me. 1237 01:11:41,140 --> 01:11:44,416 - Did you really used to drink a lot? - Like a pissed fish, darling. 1238 01:11:44,580 --> 01:11:48,289 She understood. She had a parking- space next to me in the aquarium. 1239 01:11:48,460 --> 01:11:51,930 Weird thought: That the pair of us stopping drinking 1240 01:11:52,100 --> 01:11:53,738 would make things simpler. 1241 01:11:55,060 --> 01:11:56,812 It's just made them more complicated. 1242 01:11:57,780 --> 01:12:01,011 I'm disappointed in you. You used to be so romantic. 1243 01:12:01,180 --> 01:12:03,136 Well, but now I'm rheumatic. 1244 01:12:03,740 --> 01:12:05,537 Actually, that's it, isn't it? 1245 01:12:05,700 --> 01:12:07,816 People think you're addicted to sex. 1246 01:12:07,980 --> 01:12:10,778 You're addicted to romance. And the moment it gets real... 1247 01:12:10,940 --> 01:12:13,932 like this poor bastard Brian leaving his wife, 1248 01:12:14,580 --> 01:12:15,695 you run for cover. 1249 01:12:16,140 --> 01:12:19,530 Where's the Andrew who used to scale the college wall 1250 01:12:19,700 --> 01:12:21,338 to play with me all night long? 1251 01:12:22,020 --> 01:12:24,295 Everything's different now, Sarah. 1252 01:12:26,540 --> 01:12:27,973 Everything's different. 1253 01:12:29,580 --> 01:12:32,652 I wonder what would've happened if we'd stayed together. 1254 01:12:33,300 --> 01:12:36,098 Is that a come-on or an honest enquiry? 1255 01:12:38,660 --> 01:12:40,571 It's an honest... come-on. 1256 01:12:50,460 --> 01:12:53,213 I was going to tell Bernie I wasn't available, but... 1257 01:12:53,820 --> 01:12:55,572 I guess I am. 1258 01:12:57,900 --> 01:12:59,333 Wonderful. 1259 01:13:01,500 --> 01:13:04,298 Just listen. Daddy loves you very much. 1260 01:13:05,220 --> 01:13:07,256 I promise. I'll see you next week. 1261 01:13:07,500 --> 01:13:09,968 No, Nicholas, I will see you next week. 1262 01:13:10,140 --> 01:13:12,256 I promise. I'll take to the zoo. 1263 01:13:12,540 --> 01:13:14,656 No, I love mummy, too. 1264 01:13:16,340 --> 01:13:18,092 I love mummy, too. 1265 01:13:18,820 --> 01:13:20,617 Nicholas, I love you. 1266 01:13:20,780 --> 01:13:22,930 I promise I'll see you next week. 1267 01:13:30,060 --> 01:13:31,891 What are you thinking? 1268 01:13:33,900 --> 01:13:36,778 I was just wondering who that phone call was for. 1269 01:13:39,060 --> 01:13:40,618 Well you know, Roger, 1270 01:13:41,180 --> 01:13:43,535 I think if it had been for us, 1271 01:13:43,700 --> 01:13:45,577 someone would have told us. 1272 01:13:46,020 --> 01:13:49,774 I mean, absolutely no question about it at all. 1273 01:13:49,940 --> 01:13:51,419 You cheeky bitch. 1274 01:13:51,580 --> 01:13:52,695 No! 1275 01:13:53,980 --> 01:13:55,333 Not the buttons. 1276 01:13:58,380 --> 01:14:00,291 - Can I help? - No need. 1277 01:14:00,460 --> 01:14:02,928 There must be something I can do. 1278 01:14:03,660 --> 01:14:04,934 All right. 1279 01:14:06,500 --> 01:14:08,968 If you get on with that there. Thin slices. 1280 01:14:09,140 --> 01:14:10,971 Mushrooms. I see. 1281 01:14:16,420 --> 01:14:19,139 Thanks so much for coming up this weekend. 1282 01:14:19,300 --> 01:14:22,497 I wouldn't have been able to have my friends here if it weren't for you. 1283 01:14:23,820 --> 01:14:25,412 I'll miss this house. 1284 01:14:25,780 --> 01:14:27,179 Do you have any plans? 1285 01:14:28,420 --> 01:14:30,331 Paul wants to learn to fly. 1286 01:14:30,940 --> 01:14:32,817 Saw a film called "Top Gun". 1287 01:14:34,380 --> 01:14:36,496 I'm going to retire. 1288 01:14:37,940 --> 01:14:39,532 I'm going to watch videos. 1289 01:14:39,700 --> 01:14:41,736 Best thing that ever happened. 1290 01:14:42,020 --> 01:14:44,409 If I did decide to keep the house, 1291 01:14:45,060 --> 01:14:47,290 is there any chance you'd stay on? 1292 01:14:50,660 --> 01:14:53,618 To me, this will always be your father's house. 1293 01:14:54,220 --> 01:14:56,370 I don't want to see it change. 1294 01:14:57,020 --> 01:15:00,410 And you don't want me around with all of my opinions. 1295 01:15:00,580 --> 01:15:03,048 Those are too thick. Do them again, please. 1296 01:15:03,220 --> 01:15:04,050 Opinions? 1297 01:15:04,220 --> 01:15:06,176 How you live your life is none of my business. 1298 01:15:06,340 --> 01:15:08,535 My life, you mean my sex life? 1299 01:15:08,700 --> 01:15:10,691 Please, I don't want to talk about it. It's none of my business. 1300 01:15:15,380 --> 01:15:16,449 Is that better? 1301 01:15:16,660 --> 01:15:18,571 Much better. Put it in the pot, please. 1302 01:15:21,540 --> 01:15:24,771 - How's your family? - Don't you have a fucking go at me. 1303 01:15:25,180 --> 01:15:28,252 I saw you down there with that fucking wood-chopping guy. 1304 01:15:28,420 --> 01:15:29,296 What? 1305 01:15:30,100 --> 01:15:33,331 I have laid my life on the line for you, Sarah. 1306 01:15:33,500 --> 01:15:36,492 And the moment I make some kind of commitment to you 1307 01:15:36,660 --> 01:15:39,174 you're off with some fucking wood-chopping guy. 1308 01:15:39,660 --> 01:15:42,936 I dunno, maybe we have made some terrible mistake here. 1309 01:15:43,100 --> 01:15:44,977 The thought had crossed my mind. 1310 01:15:45,540 --> 01:15:48,134 It's a bit fucking late for that. 1311 01:15:48,300 --> 01:15:49,176 Isn't it? 1312 01:15:51,940 --> 01:15:54,500 What have I done? What have I fucking done? 1313 01:15:54,660 --> 01:15:56,571 Don't be such a drama queen. 1314 01:15:56,740 --> 01:15:58,332 Don't you...! 1315 01:16:05,420 --> 01:16:06,614 Brian. 1316 01:16:08,140 --> 01:16:10,290 I owe you an apology. 1317 01:16:11,380 --> 01:16:13,291 It's not you. 1318 01:16:15,140 --> 01:16:17,256 Go home to your wife. 1319 01:16:19,820 --> 01:16:21,697 I'm sorry. 1320 01:16:23,940 --> 01:16:26,329 I didn't mean it to end up like that. 1321 01:16:50,140 --> 01:16:51,289 Mags? 1322 01:16:52,140 --> 01:16:53,289 Are you okay? 1323 01:16:54,460 --> 01:16:56,212 Maggie, are you ill? 1324 01:17:00,540 --> 01:17:02,053 Shit, sorry. 1325 01:17:07,740 --> 01:17:09,537 Look, are you sure you want to go? 1326 01:17:09,780 --> 01:17:13,250 It's not that I want to go, it's that you don't want me to stay. 1327 01:17:13,420 --> 01:17:15,058 When did I say that? 1328 01:17:15,580 --> 01:17:19,050 You've spent the last 6 months treating me like shit. 1329 01:17:20,020 --> 01:17:22,295 You know, there's nothing between Sarah and me. 1330 01:17:22,500 --> 01:17:25,173 I know that Sarah isn't the problem. 1331 01:17:26,780 --> 01:17:30,056 You're unhappy with you. I can't fix that. 1332 01:17:31,300 --> 01:17:33,291 You're right. 1333 01:17:33,460 --> 01:17:34,449 It's just need some time. 1334 01:17:36,060 --> 01:17:39,939 I just need some time to sort some things out. 1335 01:17:42,180 --> 01:17:43,408 So do I. 1336 01:17:45,220 --> 01:17:47,017 Why don't you spend some time 1337 01:17:47,180 --> 01:17:49,774 doing whatever it is that you think you should be doing? 1338 01:17:49,940 --> 01:17:52,818 - You've got my number in Montana. - Yeah, okay. 1339 01:17:52,980 --> 01:17:54,732 - Give me a call. - Yeah. 1340 01:17:58,300 --> 01:17:59,813 Take care, sugar. 1341 01:18:12,100 --> 01:18:15,536 I'm hearing the light from the window. 1342 01:18:16,940 --> 01:18:20,216 I'm seeing the sound of the sea. 1343 01:18:21,900 --> 01:18:25,495 My feet have gone loose from their moorings. 1344 01:18:26,820 --> 01:18:30,051 I'm feeling quite wonderfully free. 1345 01:18:31,580 --> 01:18:35,368 And I think I will travel to Rio. 1346 01:18:37,220 --> 01:18:40,292 Using the music for flight. 1347 01:18:40,460 --> 01:18:41,210 Bye. 1348 01:18:41,860 --> 01:18:45,375 There's nothing I know of in Rio. 1349 01:18:46,700 --> 01:18:50,215 But it's something to do with the night. 1350 01:18:51,820 --> 01:18:55,256 It's only a whimsical notion, 1351 01:18:56,580 --> 01:18:59,936 to fly down to Rio tonight. 1352 01:19:01,540 --> 01:19:05,215 And I probably won't fly down to Rio. 1353 01:19:06,860 --> 01:19:10,296 But, then again, I just might. 1354 01:19:16,420 --> 01:19:20,129 There's wings to the fault behind fancy. 1355 01:19:21,500 --> 01:19:24,890 There's wings to the fault behind play. 1356 01:19:26,340 --> 01:19:29,855 I'm dancing to rhythms of laughter. 1357 01:19:30,020 --> 01:19:31,453 - Hello. - Get in. 1358 01:19:35,580 --> 01:19:39,812 I think I will travel to Rio. 1359 01:19:41,580 --> 01:19:44,652 Using the music for flight. 1360 01:19:46,340 --> 01:19:49,377 There's nothing I know of in Rio. 1361 01:19:51,100 --> 01:19:54,729 But it's something to do with the night. 1362 01:20:02,420 --> 01:20:05,093 This is a tune I'm thinking of for the new coffee commercial. 1363 01:20:30,500 --> 01:20:33,378 So, I opened the door and there are in bed together. 1364 01:20:33,540 --> 01:20:35,770 - With Maggie on top? - Like she's in a rodeo. 1365 01:20:35,940 --> 01:20:38,135 Little Maggie? Who'd have thought it? 1366 01:20:38,300 --> 01:20:39,813 She's a sexpot. 1367 01:20:42,060 --> 01:20:43,209 - Hello. - Hello. 1368 01:20:47,820 --> 01:20:50,971 Sorry we haven't seen you all today. We decided to have a bit of a lie-in. 1369 01:20:51,140 --> 01:20:53,256 I think they all know what we had a little bit of actually. 1370 01:20:53,420 --> 01:20:55,934 There was an element of squeaking. 1371 01:20:56,100 --> 01:20:57,977 All right, I admit it. 1372 01:20:58,380 --> 01:21:00,814 We've been shagging all day. 1373 01:21:02,340 --> 01:21:04,649 - Well, what have you all been doing? - Maggie? 1374 01:21:06,300 --> 01:21:07,210 Shut up. 1375 01:21:11,340 --> 01:21:12,329 How's Ben? 1376 01:21:14,860 --> 01:21:16,339 My name is Mary. 1377 01:21:17,020 --> 01:21:19,250 I am an over-protective mother. 1378 01:21:22,020 --> 01:21:25,330 But I've only phoned twice today. And he's fine. 1379 01:21:26,740 --> 01:21:30,255 I'm still a little worried but I'm okay. 1380 01:21:31,980 --> 01:21:34,540 Well, just to keep you all up to date. 1381 01:21:35,740 --> 01:21:38,493 We're down now to 6. Carol's gone. 1382 01:21:38,700 --> 01:21:40,895 And Andrew's a bit upset about it. 1383 01:21:41,060 --> 01:21:42,618 So I wouldn't mention it if I were you. 1384 01:21:42,780 --> 01:21:44,816 And Brian has also gone. 1385 01:21:45,580 --> 01:21:48,697 I'm not upset. And you can mention it all you like. 1386 01:21:53,220 --> 01:21:54,289 Dinner time. 1387 01:22:02,420 --> 01:22:05,014 - Do we have salt anywhere? - Yes. 1388 01:22:06,100 --> 01:22:07,499 Well, congratulate me. 1389 01:22:07,660 --> 01:22:10,572 I seemed to have turned Andrew into an alcoholic, 1390 01:22:10,740 --> 01:22:14,335 Maggie into an eroto-maniac, and Sarah into a nun. 1391 01:22:15,540 --> 01:22:17,735 Roger and Mary seem all right, 1392 01:22:17,900 --> 01:22:20,698 but frankly I think they'd be happier at home. 1393 01:22:20,860 --> 01:22:23,693 It's not going exactly as I planned. 1394 01:22:23,860 --> 01:22:26,090 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 1395 01:22:35,940 --> 01:22:37,453 Five minutes to go. 1396 01:22:38,980 --> 01:22:40,572 Brian will be home by now. 1397 01:22:41,260 --> 01:22:42,579 I kind of miss him. 1398 01:22:42,740 --> 01:22:45,413 - Who was that who picked him up? - His wife. 1399 01:22:50,860 --> 01:22:52,976 New Year's fucking Eve. 1400 01:22:53,140 --> 01:22:55,893 Pope has a drink on New Year's Eve. 1401 01:22:56,060 --> 01:22:58,016 The Pope doesn't get unpleasant 1402 01:22:58,940 --> 01:23:01,613 Am I unpleasant, anyone? 1403 01:23:03,180 --> 01:23:04,249 There, you see. 1404 01:23:05,700 --> 01:23:08,498 I never really had a drinking problem. 1405 01:23:09,300 --> 01:23:12,770 I just went through the A.A. Crap 1406 01:23:12,940 --> 01:23:15,215 to keep Carol company. 1407 01:23:15,460 --> 01:23:18,657 Children, children, let's not fight. 1408 01:23:21,540 --> 01:23:22,973 - Ben's fine. - Good. 1409 01:23:24,660 --> 01:23:27,458 Can't you let one fucking hour go by... 1410 01:23:27,620 --> 01:23:31,499 without ringing the fucking baby sitter? 1411 01:23:31,660 --> 01:23:32,570 Andrew! 1412 01:23:32,740 --> 01:23:35,254 She's concerned about our child, Andrew. 1413 01:23:35,420 --> 01:23:37,172 No need to be aggressive. 1414 01:23:37,340 --> 01:23:40,537 Was that Roger the jingle writer? Did she speak? 1415 01:23:40,900 --> 01:23:43,095 I'd rather be Roger, the jingle writer 1416 01:23:43,260 --> 01:23:45,171 than Andrew, the miserable bastard. 1417 01:23:45,340 --> 01:23:46,409 I've never understood you. 1418 01:23:46,580 --> 01:23:49,299 I'd like to think it was Hollywood but you were like this 10 years ago. 1419 01:23:49,460 --> 01:23:51,212 - Like what? - Self-loathing. 1420 01:23:52,940 --> 01:23:56,455 I think you ought to apologise to Roger and Mary, Andrew. 1421 01:23:56,620 --> 01:23:58,576 Do you indeed? Well, I'm sorry. 1422 01:23:58,780 --> 01:24:01,533 Is anyone just going to comment 1423 01:24:01,700 --> 01:24:06,979 on that piece of human excrement that Sarah dragged in for us? 1424 01:24:07,380 --> 01:24:11,168 Who was that appallingly dreadful tosspot? 1425 01:24:11,780 --> 01:24:16,490 What the fuck was his fucking Greta Garbo story about? 1426 01:24:17,380 --> 01:24:20,178 At least he had the courage to leave his wife. 1427 01:24:20,820 --> 01:24:22,094 Yeah, for 24 hours. 1428 01:24:22,260 --> 01:24:24,569 That's not a divorce, that's a day trip. 1429 01:24:24,740 --> 01:24:26,890 You'll probably be stuck with 1430 01:24:27,060 --> 01:24:28,778 that Joan Collins impersonator all your life. 1431 01:24:28,940 --> 01:24:31,249 You're talking about the woman I almost love. 1432 01:24:31,420 --> 01:24:33,775 I've never seen anyone wear more make-up. 1433 01:24:33,940 --> 01:24:36,090 How does she take it off? With a chisel? 1434 01:24:36,420 --> 01:24:39,218 She's made Maggie here look ridiculous. 1435 01:24:39,580 --> 01:24:40,649 Sarah! 1436 01:24:41,180 --> 01:24:42,818 I think Maggie looks great. 1437 01:24:42,980 --> 01:24:44,777 Of course you do. You think Carol looks great. 1438 01:24:44,940 --> 01:24:45,577 Mary! 1439 01:24:45,740 --> 01:24:48,129 I will not have my ex wife, 1440 01:24:48,300 --> 01:24:50,052 future ex wife talked about like that. 1441 01:24:52,220 --> 01:24:53,858 I don't look ridiculous. 1442 01:24:54,020 --> 01:24:56,454 That's a horrible thing to say. You're just jealous. 1443 01:24:56,740 --> 01:24:58,298 - Please! - Look, look. 1444 01:24:58,940 --> 01:25:02,250 It's two minutes to midnight. Can we please not...? 1445 01:25:02,420 --> 01:25:04,695 Just try and be nice to each other. 1446 01:25:04,860 --> 01:25:07,374 There he goes: 'Try and be nice to each other. 1447 01:25:07,540 --> 01:25:09,212 'Cause it's New Year's fucking Eve, isn't it? 1448 01:25:09,380 --> 01:25:10,335 New Year's fucking Eve 1449 01:25:10,580 --> 01:25:13,413 at Peter's fucking New Year's fucking mansion. 1450 01:25:14,900 --> 01:25:17,494 Where Peter gets to be lord of the manor 1451 01:25:17,660 --> 01:25:20,458 and I get to regret ever leaving England. 1452 01:25:21,780 --> 01:25:24,135 Andrew, I know this isn't you speaking. 1453 01:25:24,300 --> 01:25:26,018 This is 'drunk-you'. 1454 01:25:26,660 --> 01:25:29,891 I'm trying to draw a veil over your behaviour, 1455 01:25:30,060 --> 01:25:32,528 but would you please shut the fuck up? 1456 01:25:32,700 --> 01:25:36,329 Yea, we could go and write our crappy play together. 1457 01:25:36,500 --> 01:25:39,014 And then everything would be okay, Peter, wouldn't it? 1458 01:25:39,180 --> 01:25:40,738 You are being so boring! 1459 01:25:40,900 --> 01:25:43,460 Well, why the fuck did you invite me? 1460 01:25:44,940 --> 01:25:47,579 Why the fuck any of us? 1461 01:25:47,740 --> 01:25:50,493 And why this year 1462 01:25:50,660 --> 01:25:53,538 and not any other bloody year? 1463 01:25:53,700 --> 01:25:57,090 Because all our lives are in such an optimum fucking mess, 1464 01:25:57,260 --> 01:26:00,138 that it needs Peter the saviour 1465 01:26:00,300 --> 01:26:02,211 to send us out in the world... 1466 01:26:02,380 --> 01:26:04,974 on New Year's Day 1467 01:26:05,140 --> 01:26:08,018 resurrected and directed. 1468 01:26:08,620 --> 01:26:12,135 And because I'm here to tell you if that's your aim, my old fruit, 1469 01:26:12,420 --> 01:26:16,208 from bitter personal experience, it hasn't worked. 1470 01:26:18,140 --> 01:26:20,700 Do you really want to know why I invited you here? 1471 01:26:20,860 --> 01:26:22,532 Yes, I do, your Lordship. 1472 01:26:23,380 --> 01:26:25,098 Well, I didn't think it was... 1473 01:26:25,260 --> 01:26:27,649 I wasn't sure whether I was going to tell you or not. 1474 01:26:28,100 --> 01:26:30,853 Given the way this evening has panned out... 1475 01:26:32,380 --> 01:26:34,257 I think it might be appropriate. 1476 01:26:37,020 --> 01:26:39,659 I invited you all here 1477 01:26:42,500 --> 01:26:43,649 because... 1478 01:26:46,540 --> 01:26:48,451 you all mean a lot to me... 1479 01:26:48,620 --> 01:26:49,814 as you know, 1480 01:26:50,940 --> 01:26:51,929 and... 1481 01:26:54,820 --> 01:26:56,333 I'm sorry, this is... 1482 01:26:56,980 --> 01:26:58,413 not very easy. 1483 01:27:00,620 --> 01:27:02,292 Because... 1484 01:27:02,700 --> 01:27:04,418 recently... 1485 01:27:07,380 --> 01:27:09,211 I had a blood test, 1486 01:27:09,660 --> 01:27:12,811 and it turns out I'm HIV positive. 1487 01:27:32,380 --> 01:27:33,733 I'm sorry, Andrew. 1488 01:27:33,900 --> 01:27:36,653 I didn't mean to sober you up that fast. 1489 01:27:37,700 --> 01:27:38,610 Well... 1490 01:27:41,300 --> 01:27:42,574 Happy New Year. 1491 01:27:47,260 --> 01:27:48,295 Come on! 1492 01:27:48,860 --> 01:27:50,088 Chaps... 1493 01:27:50,820 --> 01:27:52,811 Don't let me down. 1494 01:27:54,260 --> 01:27:55,659 Happy New Year. 1495 01:28:04,340 --> 01:28:05,932 Happy New Year, Peter. 1496 01:28:08,740 --> 01:28:10,059 Happy New Year, Vera. 1497 01:28:10,660 --> 01:28:13,493 - Happy New Year, Peter. - Happy New Year, Peter. 1498 01:28:14,700 --> 01:28:17,009 I am an absolute... 1499 01:28:17,700 --> 01:28:19,213 dribbling arsehole. 1500 01:28:21,180 --> 01:28:23,057 I'm sorry, everybody. 1501 01:28:25,980 --> 01:28:28,369 I'm sorry, Peter. 1502 01:28:30,260 --> 01:28:32,569 I'm sorry, Peter. 1503 01:28:36,100 --> 01:28:38,295 Peter, how long have you known? 1504 01:28:38,460 --> 01:28:39,654 About six months. 1505 01:28:40,340 --> 01:28:43,571 I'm all right. You don't have to treat me any differently. 1506 01:28:44,140 --> 01:28:47,018 I haven't got AIDS, I've got the AIDS virus. 1507 01:28:47,740 --> 01:28:49,059 There's a big difference. 1508 01:28:49,540 --> 01:28:52,179 Statistically, there's every chance 1509 01:28:52,340 --> 01:28:56,333 that it'll be years before it becomes... 1510 01:28:57,180 --> 01:28:58,135 full blown. 1511 01:28:58,780 --> 01:29:00,577 You should have told us. 1512 01:29:00,820 --> 01:29:02,890 It isn't a very easy thing to tell. 1513 01:29:04,260 --> 01:29:05,488 Look, look. 1514 01:29:07,540 --> 01:29:09,451 Why don't we sit over there? 1515 01:29:10,180 --> 01:29:12,057 Just a few minutes. 1516 01:29:15,020 --> 01:29:17,056 Are you really feeling... 1517 01:29:17,500 --> 01:29:18,933 okay... now? 1518 01:29:19,780 --> 01:29:21,008 I'm fine. 1519 01:29:21,340 --> 01:29:22,170 Really, 1520 01:29:22,340 --> 01:29:25,457 I do get tired now and again, but... 1521 01:29:27,100 --> 01:29:29,853 as much as anything, it's this drug they've got me on now. 1522 01:29:32,100 --> 01:29:35,137 I intend to live a long time, thanks very much. 1523 01:29:35,300 --> 01:29:36,619 I'm going to out-live you all. 1524 01:29:37,820 --> 01:29:40,698 - Lf there's anything we can do. - Anything. 1525 01:29:42,340 --> 01:29:44,092 I'm so sorry, Peter! 1526 01:29:45,060 --> 01:29:47,255 He knows you're sorry, dear. 1527 01:29:47,580 --> 01:29:48,569 I love you. 1528 01:29:48,740 --> 01:29:49,855 I know, Andrew. 1529 01:29:50,180 --> 01:29:52,330 Vera, coffee? 1530 01:29:55,780 --> 01:29:57,691 Do you know who you got it from? 1531 01:29:58,420 --> 01:30:02,129 I haven't a clue, and I don't think it makes much difference if I did. 1532 01:30:02,300 --> 01:30:04,291 - Do you? - I guess not. 1533 01:30:06,260 --> 01:30:09,855 I mean, it's not as if it's anybody else's fault. 1534 01:30:11,300 --> 01:30:14,656 There's always a chance they'll discover a cure, isn't there? 1535 01:30:14,820 --> 01:30:17,653 They find new things... 1536 01:30:17,820 --> 01:30:19,139 Absolutely. 1537 01:30:24,620 --> 01:30:27,214 Look, I'm going to go down and get some bubbles. 1538 01:30:28,020 --> 01:30:30,250 Roger, why don't you get your guitar? 1539 01:30:30,580 --> 01:30:32,730 It's a party, for God's sake! 1540 01:30:45,660 --> 01:30:47,298 I wish you'd told me. 1541 01:30:49,660 --> 01:30:52,299 I thought you'd consider my plight 1542 01:30:52,860 --> 01:30:54,452 a deserved punishment. 1543 01:30:55,260 --> 01:30:57,171 How could you say that to me? 1544 01:30:58,700 --> 01:31:01,089 I've known you since you were a little boy. 1545 01:31:02,140 --> 01:31:04,176 I used to watch you drawing at that table. 1546 01:31:04,340 --> 01:31:05,614 I'm sorry. 1547 01:31:05,940 --> 01:31:07,976 I know you always disapproved 1548 01:31:09,260 --> 01:31:10,852 of the way I lived my life. 1549 01:31:11,460 --> 01:31:12,609 I didn't. 1550 01:31:19,260 --> 01:31:21,091 You had all that promise. 1551 01:31:22,460 --> 01:31:25,179 I hated seeing what you didn't do with your life. 1552 01:31:25,740 --> 01:31:27,856 And more, how unhappy it made you. 1553 01:31:30,140 --> 01:31:32,017 But I've always loved you. 1554 01:31:35,700 --> 01:31:38,134 How could you say that to me, Peter? 1555 01:31:39,260 --> 01:31:40,978 Vera, I'm sorry. 1556 01:31:41,380 --> 01:31:43,052 I didn't mean to upset you. 1557 01:31:55,460 --> 01:31:58,133 I suppose it's too late for Auld Lang Syne. 1558 01:31:58,540 --> 01:31:59,416 Yeah. 1559 01:32:02,100 --> 01:32:03,135 Coffee? 1560 01:32:03,300 --> 01:32:04,528 Black, no sugar. 1561 01:32:04,700 --> 01:32:06,770 Come on, Andrew. Thanks, Vera. 1562 01:32:06,940 --> 01:32:07,929 Happy New Year. 1563 01:32:08,100 --> 01:32:10,660 Peter, if you wanted to stay with us, any of us... 1564 01:32:10,820 --> 01:32:13,050 - any time... - That's sweet of you, but... 1565 01:32:13,220 --> 01:32:16,098 I'm going to be fine. This is my home. 1566 01:32:16,260 --> 01:32:17,613 We can't let you stay here on your own. 1567 01:32:17,780 --> 01:32:19,816 I'll be fine. 1568 01:32:19,980 --> 01:32:23,211 - Are you sure? - No, but I'll give it my best shot. 1569 01:32:24,580 --> 01:32:27,094 I've got something very funny to show you. 1570 01:32:28,180 --> 01:32:30,216 Stay exactly where you are. 1571 01:32:31,220 --> 01:32:33,051 I can't believe he's coping so well. 1572 01:32:33,220 --> 01:32:34,812 I think he's fantastic. 1573 01:32:35,300 --> 01:32:38,497 - It makes you feel so helpless. - Exactly. 1574 01:32:38,820 --> 01:32:40,856 Mags, I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. 1575 01:32:41,020 --> 01:32:43,329 I think you look fan... I think you look great. 1576 01:32:43,820 --> 01:32:46,288 I was trying to get back at Mr. Appropriate here. 1577 01:32:46,460 --> 01:32:50,692 I am sorrier than it is humanly possible to be. 1578 01:32:50,860 --> 01:32:54,375 Roger, I wouldn't blame you if you never spoke to me again. 1579 01:32:54,540 --> 01:32:55,529 Oh, shut up! 1580 01:32:55,700 --> 01:32:57,452 Look what I found. 1581 01:33:03,620 --> 01:33:06,259 The cabaret I persuaded you to do with my father's friends. 1582 01:33:06,420 --> 01:33:08,809 - Vera took the photo in the kitchen. - We didn't go down that well. 1583 01:33:08,980 --> 01:33:11,335 We went down as well as a dry souffle. 1584 01:33:11,500 --> 01:33:13,934 - Joined the land of the living? - I am so sorry. 1585 01:33:14,100 --> 01:33:16,216 Remember Paul dancing on the table, Vera? 1586 01:33:16,380 --> 01:33:19,099 He must have been about 7 then. 1587 01:33:19,260 --> 01:33:21,820 - Feel embarrassed, Maggie? - Have I missed something? 1588 01:33:21,980 --> 01:33:23,538 - No, no. - No, never mind. 1589 01:33:23,700 --> 01:33:25,691 - What song did we do? - Well, The Underground Song. 1590 01:33:25,860 --> 01:33:28,169 The fucking Underground Song! What a piece of shit! 1591 01:33:28,340 --> 01:33:29,978 - Who wrote that? - Guilty. 1592 01:33:30,140 --> 01:33:32,449 - I've always loved that song. - All right then, recite it. 1593 01:33:32,620 --> 01:33:34,770 I've got to go to "gotty, plotty"... 1594 01:33:37,340 --> 01:33:40,138 Let's all go down to Oxford Circus 1595 01:33:40,300 --> 01:33:43,053 past Trafalgar Square... Charing Cross. 1596 01:33:45,300 --> 01:33:47,097 Let's do it! Let's do it! 1597 01:33:53,180 --> 01:33:54,772 Not The Underground Song! 1598 01:33:54,940 --> 01:33:57,170 It's your punishment for being such a miserable bastard. 1599 01:33:57,340 --> 01:33:59,649 Here's your bowler and there's your umbrella. All right... 1600 01:33:59,820 --> 01:34:01,617 Under the arm. 1601 01:34:04,220 --> 01:34:07,212 Let's all go down to Oxford Circus 1602 01:34:11,340 --> 01:34:16,050 Let's all go down to Oxford Circus past Trafalgar Square. 1603 01:34:16,220 --> 01:34:18,450 And then from Charing Cross right up to Euston. 1604 01:34:18,620 --> 01:34:22,772 Then change to the Victoria, and then the Piccadilly...